Author's Note

The following is a dubiously canon side-story set at an undetermined point in Anon's future. You may encounter characters you haven't yet been introduced to, whom might not even officially exist in this canon. This is mostly just-for-fun, but also to keep my writing juices flowing, even as I devour fics and manga to try to fight off the grief of last week. It contains scenes of cuteness, weeb pones, and nonconsensual snuggling.

Viewer discretion is strongly advised.

Notes will be in a space at the end of the chapter.

Omake 1: My Anon can't be this cute!

It was a beautiful day outside. The sun was high in the sky, shining its warmth down upon Ponyville, its busy weather team, and my dopey ass. Birds were birding. Flowers were doing... whatever the fuck it is flowers do. Me? I was lying in the sun, enjoying the relaxing effects of a certain special tea. That's right, I was stoned off my ass, pretending I was one of those flowers, trying to do whatever the fuck those guys do .

Was it wrong for me to swipe some from Rarity's place? Absolutely. Unfortunately, Stoner Horse wouldn't sell me any, so I had no other choice. She'd said something about how the fun police had showed up a few weeks back and chased away the vibe. So here I was, reduced to being a petty criminal. But hey, at least I had some proper adult supervision this time.

In the tree above me, a certain thestral rested, watching me through the corner of her narrowed eye. "Anon, do you seriously plan on rolling in the grass all day, like a cat on catnip?" she asked. Her foreign accent struck me as familiar, but in all the weeks she'd been assigned as one of my guardians—'to keep Anon out of trouble'—she'd never spoken about her homeland or even her real name. "You could do anything with your free day, and you decided to get high and behave like a foal."

I paused my foalish horse-shittery to look up at the mare. Although the grey pony was keeping an eye on me out of the corner of her eye, her indigo-blue mane seemed to keep her eyes mostly out of sight. I still can't figure out why a bat pony would volunteer for the afternoon shift, I mused, glancing at the graphic novel cradled in her hooves. Sure, the sun brings those red streaks out, but it's gotta be killer on her eyes. It just struck me as really odd that it was her and not her partner, Strongwind watching me this afternoon.

"I dunno Eve," I said with a giggle. It was kinda silly looking at a pony through askew glasses. "It's pretty comfy, and the grass is kinda ticklish against my burn scars." A grin spread across my face as I rolled onto my belly. Holding one hoof to my chest, I continued, "You'd totally do this too if your coat could hide grass stains like mine."

That actually got a snort from the mare, although she quickly went back to her reading. Honestly, I couldn't tell what it was she was reading. It definitely wasn't anything from the limited selection of graphic novels from Twilight's castle library, and it also didn't seem to be written in the mainland-Equestrian standard sun and moon-glyphs. Something from her overseas homeland, maybe? Then again, I think I've seen similar writing on a few book-spines on Ms. Fluttershy's bookshelf the few times I've been over to play with critters.

Rolling back onto my back, I returned my attention to the sky. It wasn't like I was waiting for anything; in fact, it was super relaxing to just stare off into the great blue yonder. I needed to get the most out of my off-days, since I would be back to school soon enough, and the more chill I was, the better things would be for everyone.

It could've been minutes or hours later when I noticed Rainbow Dash flying overhead, still clad in the Wonderbolts uniform she wore when working with them. Waving up at her, I called out, "Rainbow Dash! You got my money?" Yeah, if there's two things I've learned about that pony—beyond her 'I am speed,' attitude—it's that she has a heavy risk of becoming an alcoholic, and that she's surprisingly bad at cards. Way too aggressive with her bets, and she actually made the mistake making a wager she couldn't pay at the time. So it was that she ended up owing me 100 bits last week. "Don't forget I know where you live!"

Again, Evening Script snorted from her spot in the tree, and muttered, "Everypony knows which house is hers, but good luck shaking her down. Strong nor I will fly you up there."

To be honest, I expected Rainbow Dash to pretend she didn't hear me. Colour me surprised when she swooped down, landing beside me with a sheepish expression on her face. "Yeah, yeah, I've got your money," she groaned, dipping her head beneath her wing to fetch a satchel. Dropping it down in front of my face, she fidgets her wings in agitation. "It's all there; we square?"

Although I was tempted to make up a late fee just to see if she'd cave. I swear, I'm not becoming a bully; I just think it's funny to get a rise out of adults when I think I can get away with it. I nodded. "We're good," I confirmed. To be honest, I didn't even care if she shorted me. With everything being provided for me by Twilight, it's not like I'm living hand-to-mouth on the road. "Although..." She winced, probably expecting something outrageous. "Pegasi are good at passive knowledge accumulation, right?"

She nodded with a somewhat confused expression on her face—I knew she didn't like big words, but I figured she knew those ones. "So you could probably tell me at a glance if that stuff my shadow there—" I pointed to the tree, where Eve was watching the two of us with disinterest. "—is reading is the same sort of stuff Ms. Fluttershy has on her bookshelf?"

Dash let out a sigh of relief once she was sure I was done. With but a glance to Eve, she nodded. "Yeah, that looks like that weird Neighponese manega she reads," she said. Suddenly, she perked up and actually looked to the bat pony. "Say, you're into that stuff too, right? Wanna help me pull a prank? It's hard to pull one on Fluttershy out of fear of scaring her real bad."

At first, Eve looked like she was gonna turn her down. After all, she was supposed to be watching over me. As she lowered her graphic novel, though, I started to get a bad feeling. Her eyes flicked from Dash, to me. A smile began to spread across her face, and suddenly, I knew what that feeling was. Ha ha, I'm in danger.

~ 僕のアノンちゃんがこんなに可愛いわけがない！ ~

In a way, I was right; I was definitely in danger. In danger of being dragged into something completely stupid, I thought to myself as I sat in Fluttershy's living room, waiting for her to return. Rainbow Dash had let us all in with a spare key she had, and relocked the door behind us. After a quick coaching session from Evening Script to ensure I knew how to properly pronounce my lines, the pair had hidden themselves behind Fluttershy's sofa.

They also seemed to be utilising some sort of recording crystal. That meant that I was probably going to get to see how silly I looked, in addition to Fluttershy's reaction, in third person later. I just hoped that I wouldn't end up regretting this. I already felt ridiculous and slightly worried.

My biggest problem with the whole charade was probably the outfit that Eve had produced from a trunk in her quarters at the castle. It was something I'd seen before—hell, I'd worn one before. Sure, it looked innocuous enough: a pleated blue skirt, a white blouse with an attached sailor-style collar, white knee-high socks, and black loafers. For good measure, they'd even slapped a red ribbon in my mane. I just don't associate it with good memories because it was some guy's fetish request on a date.

Evening called it a school uniform, and hell, maybe schools in Neighpon actually wore them. That didn't stop me from feeling like a prostitute. Why does that mare even have one of these in my size? There aren't even wing-slits, meaning this was made for an earth pony or unicorn... I mused, glancing to the grandfather clock present in the living room. Maybe she's one of those perverted mares who enjoys dressing foals up in strange outfits?

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught Rainbow giving me the go signal. That meant that she'd spotted Fluttershy coming up the path. Sucking in a deep breath, I worried once more that they were having me proposition the poor mare or something, or that this was also a prank on me as revenge for something or other.

The lock on the door rattled, and then clicked.

Slowly, the door swung open.

「おかえり、おねえさま！」 I exclaimed, sounding as sickeningly sweet as I could manage, as Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie stood in the doorway. Wait, they weren't part of the plan! You didn't warn me about them, you bitch!

"Anon, wha..." Rarity tried to get out, but the words froze in her throat. Meanwhile, Pinkie was giggling, and Fluttershy was turning a rather pretty shade of pink.

My cheeks flushed red, but I continued on with the script. Sitting on my haunches, I turned slightly to gesture at the doorway to the kitchen. 「ごはんにする？」 I turned the other direction, gesturing to the stairs. 「おふろにする？」

I cringed inwardly slightly as I did my best to look cutesy as I faced them all directly once more. Bringing my hooves up to my face to feign shyness, I fluttered my eyelashes as I asked, 「それとも、あたし～？」

The room remained silent—aside from Pinkie's confused giggling, and the snickering coming from behind the couch—for what felt like forever. Then, a high pitched squeal began to fill the air. I couldn't tell where it was coming from, but it almost sounded like someone had left a kettle on. After a few more moments where the squeal grew louder, I realised it was coming from Fluttershy. There's even steam coming from her ears!

That sense of impending danger returned in force. Faster than I could even react, I was tackled by Fluttershy. Her hooves wrapped me in a tight-as-fuck hug, and she was rubbing her face all up and down the top of my head. Right, nuzzling was what it was supposed to be called, but this felt so much more terrifying.

The snickering behind the couch burst into full-fledged laughter as Rainbow Dash and Evening Script revealed themselves to the others. "Smile, Anon!" Eve said, angling the crystal to better capture my expression. "Twilight and Starlight are gonna love seeing this."

I wanted to yell at the bat horse. Just cussing her out in front of everyone would make me feel so much better... but instead, I just grumbled. "Are you gonna tell me what you had me say now?" I begged, as Rarity joined in on the tittering. "You better not have made me proposition her! I don't do that stuff anymore!"

1) The title of this chapter is a play on the Anime/Manga, Oreimo/My Little Sister Can't be This Cute/Ore no Imouto ga kon'nani kawaii wake ga nai! Running off that idea, the break in the chapter is marked with '僕のアノンちゃんがこんなに可愛いわけがない！', which when romanised reads, "Boku no Anon-chan ga kon'nani kawaii wake ga nai!" which loops us back to the chapter title.

2) The lines Anon speaks are from gag run in a few anime. A female character greets the protagonist, and asks them the following.
「おかえり、おねえさま！」 Okaeri, oneesama! / Welcome home, big sister!
「ごはんにする？」Gohan ni suru? / Would you like to have dinner?
「おふろにする？」Ofuro ni suru? / Do you want to take a bath? (Or 'Would you like a bath?')
「それとも、わたし～？」Soretomo, watashi~? / Or me~?
In this case, I wrote あたし～/ atashi~, which is one of the several first-person pronouns from the language that is typically only used by women.
So yes... technically Anon did proposition Fluttershy.

3) I could have written the Japanese lines out in their romaji/romanised forms for easier reading, but I wanted to convey the fact that Anon had no idea what the hell she was reciting, while also providing a bilingual bonus for those who can read Japanese. The quotes contained no kanji forms just to make the reading simpler for those learning like I am.