Sometimes I wonder what kind of conditions allowed these ponies to develop. They're like some sort of evolutionary mess. Forward facing eyes, at least in mammals, back on Earth indicated that a species likely relied on predation in order to subsist. Yet in the month I've spent among the horses here in Equestria, I've only ever seen them following a mostly vegetarian diet. Sure, they're definitely not true vegetarians, given that they use animal byproducts like eggs and milk to supplement their diets, but never any fish or meat.

Then there's the bright colours. Their basis seems derived from a prey species, yet from what I can tell the entire colouration is for show. No indicators have been observed signalling that ponies—no, we—possess any poison glands or any form of bitterant on our bodies. I don't think that ponies would use their mouths as or in relation to grooming tools if they did, and I've done enough pony-watching in Canterlot to know this to be true.

And what in the fuck is with these huge eyes? I know my eyesight here is better to what it was back home, but it's not better by any order of magnitude; it's just clearer and I can make out a bit more detail on farther-away objects. It's not like I've got any form of telescopic vision. There's something I was forgetting, but would that even apply to this big honkin' blinkie-winkers?

The biggest puzzle currently on my plate—figuratively, as it was a bowl of cereal before me right now—was the Equestrian fixation on sugar. I learned early enough to ignore the looks I got when I took my teas and coffees without sugar, but the maids were very insistent that I at least have the occasional cookie... and then there was the Sun Horse and her cakes. Even this new form seems somewhat drawn to it... as evidenced by the time I sought out and ate an entire cake, just the other day. I still couldn't explain why though.

"Is there something wrong with your cereal, Anonymous?" Twilight asked, watching me while she finished off her own stack of syrup-laden pancakes. "Or did you change your mind about having pancakes?"

I shook my head, staring down at the contents of the bowl: it was just oatmeal, but it seemed to come with brown-sugar already mixed in. "I don't know how you ponies don't have diabetes with all the sugar you consume," I muttered, shoveling a spoonful of the slurry of oats, milk, and brown sugar into my mouth after a moment of hesitation. "I mean, have you seen the amount of cakes the Sun H—" I caught myself before finishing that term; ponies hated being called horses, even if it was easier for me to remember ponies by identifying them by their cutie marks. "—Princess consumes on a regular basis? She either has the metabolism of a literal star, or she has an eating disorder, to have that sort of figure. Someone who eats that much cake should have an arse that regularly gets stuck in doors."

"Anonymous, language!" Twilight chided shaking her head. It wasn't hard to tell that she was wondering what she was going to do with me. "I don't know where a being your age learns half the profanity that's come out of your mouth since yesterday, but I don't want you teaching other foals to talk like that."

I began to stare Twilight down again as I forced myself to eat a spoonful of the way-too-sugary oatmeal. Again with that condescending insistence that I am just a child. If she wasn't careful we might start having the same sorts of 'accidents' we started having with that racist pig in a wig. No, if I did that, she could refuse to teach me anything about runic magic.

"I'm not sure how it is where you're from," Starlight interjected, clearly sensing the tension in the room. "Here in Equestria though, sugar is important to the natural replenishment of the body's natural magics. Even when not actively used for the magics inherent to our species, our bodies expend mana naturally." She took a sip of a rather fruity-smelling tea and then glanced at Twilight, as though seeking approval. "It's actively used when a pony uses his or her hoof fields to manipulate objects, or passively as the body fights sickness or heals wounds."

Spike laughed. "Twilight, remember when Rainbow was laid up in the hospital for a few days when she broke her wing? That was just a few days but she was going crazy..." He popped a sapphire into his mouth like it was nothing out of the ordinary. A gem that size, I could've pawned for thousands of dollars, and he was eating it like a piece of candy!

Twilight nodded, seemingly catching onto his point. "Without her natural magics aiding her body, it would have taken months for her to fully recover," she explained. "That's why it's important for a growing filly to eat her sugar."

I couldn't help but suppress a snort. This world was something else. Eat your sugar so you grow up to be good and strong... It was a far cry from the 'drink your milk' of my world. And yet, if it was necessary, who was I to say no? "Is there any sugar that isn't sickeningly sweet?" I had to ask, for my own sanity. "Or maybe supplements that don't have a taste? Aside from that one time with the cake, I don't generally like sweets. Even then, I don't know what came over me."

The three shared an uneasy look. It was the sort of thing that would've been accompanied by nervous laughter in any normal situation, but the fact that they were quiet meant something bad. I didn't know what, but something was up. Part of me wanted to ask, if nothing else than to just to keep the conversation going, but at the same time, I'd been neglecting this bowl of apparently very important overly-sugared oatmeal.

Resigning myself, I began to finish the disgusting mishmash of sugar, oats, and milk. I still wasn't convinced that anyone who enjoyed this level of sugar wasn't destined to need their foot amputated, but if my new biology needed it, I guess I couldn't argue with the adults in the room.

"Starlight, do you think you could continue working with Anon on her glyphs after breakfast?" Twilight asked, looking to the other pointy pony present. "She has six left to learn, and then she should be ready to move onto phonology." Finally turning her gaze to me, she added, "Spike and I need to check in with the others about the you-know-what... and don't push her too hard. If she needs to nap, let her nap."

In a much quieter voice, she said something I couldn't quite make out, but I imagined it to be something like, "You'll need it."

~ 02 ~

Starlight might not have been on the level of the maid twins or Twilight when it came to teaching, but she was by no means bad at it. I knew that deep down, every person or pony had their own learning and teaching styles. Honestly, though, after working with Twilight last night, Starlight was a breath of fresh air.

The maids had been very hooves-on in regards to teaching me the glyphs. The pink-haired one would mark a crisp, neat sun-glyph on the top of a page, and then instruct me to fill the page with that character, copying it until it was legible. The blue-haired one would then give me advice or criticism while I worked, anywhere from how I held my pencil with my hoof, to whether I followed the 'standard' stroke order taught in a classroom. Only when I had mastered a glyph could I move on to the next.

Twilight, on the other hand, took on a very... textbook manner of teaching. Seriously, she'd treat me like a child up until its learning time, and then she'd act like how TV taught me a school-teacher was like. She went on a full-on impassioned lecture about the history of each glyph and how it was derived from Old Equish counterparts, complete with magically conjured visual aids. Honestly, it was kinda information overload after a certain point and I eventually tuned her out in favour of the rote repetition of the maids.

Working with Starlight was honestly bittersweet. She didn't have the confidence of Twilight or the poise of the twins, but her method honestly complemented the sisters' approach. She didn't approach the glyph from the academic standpoint by stating its name, but rather by introducing it based on its sound and then providing certain mnemonic devices for recognising them and writing them out. It worked the best for, but it was emotionally draining in that it reminded me of how Mother had taught me to read.

Starlight was thorough, though, and even went back over the other 46 glyphs I'd already practiced, making sure that I knew the pronunciations. I know I make it out to be harder than it is, though. With a total of fifty-two glyphs, it was relatively easy to discern that they followed a similar upper and lower case pattern to the Latin alphabet, falling into the greater and lesser sun glyphs. I'd be totally lost if it was phonetic like certain Asian languages. So many characters...

"So, Starlight," I asked, stretching myself out like a cat and popping my back, "How come you aren't treating me like a little kid like Twilight has been?"

It was something I'd noticed during the lesson and our previous few interactions. She actually seemed to listen to what I had to say rather than approaching things from a 'because I know better' standpoint. For lack of a better analogy, she was treating me like a person first and a child second—like I actually had dignity to lose by being coddled.

The mare paused as she levitated a thin book from the bookshelf she was standing before. "Honestly? It just feels like the right thing to do," she said, turning to join me back at the table I'd been practicing at. "The way you speak doesn't come off as foalish or like a foal looking to appear grown-up. It seems as natural as breathing to you, and though Harmony made you into a foal, you seem to genuinely believe you were an adult of your previous species."

I raised an eyebrow. "Then why doesn't she see that?" I blurted out, my cheeks flushing at my outburst. "I mean, if she keeps treating me like I kid, I've half a mind to start acting like one out of spite."

Sitting down across from me, Starlight sighed. "I'm not one to talk, but Princess Twilight can be... stubborn," she explained, sliding a thin paperback across the table. If I had memorised it correctly, the title said 'Glyph and Sound: A Basic Guide to Words Abound', but I was only half sure. Something about the way the spoken language was imprinted on my brain seemed to conflate a lot of this with English analogues.

"She's a very data-driven pony," she explained. "For her, almost everything can be broken down into core concepts and details, and if things don't make sense, something is faulty and needs to be readdressed. You are a bit of an enigma to her, so she wanted to analyse you—not just psychologically, but with magic—during your lesson. She even scanned you with a spell to approximate the age of your soul. That only reaffirmed in her mind that you're just a child... that you can't have possibly been an adult."

I looked at her in confusion, not opening the book. "Your soul, the spell said, was just over eighty-four hundred days old," she explained.

I did some quick math. Eighty-four hundred over three sixty-five should come out to around twenty-three... which lines up with my age. So how the fuck...? "Starlight, do ponies age slowly, like <>, or is there something fundamentally wrong with my math?" I asked, beginning to fear the answer. "That number of days reaffirms that I'm twenty-three... So unless I'm retarded, there's something doesn't line up here."

Starlight looked at me, and then to the door before covering her face with a hoof. "That would do it," she muttered with a groan. "Figures that nopony's told you yet. A year in Equestria is one thousand days, Anon. By our metric, you are a foal."

I stared at her before mimicking the gesture in disbelief. "And how long do ponies live?" I asked, dreading the answer.

"About a hundred and fifty years, give or take depending on lifestyle and species," she said, her eyes widening as I gaped at her in horror. "Some unicorns live to around 200."

"I'm a fucking horse <>," I muttered as the world began to spin. Even just going with the 150 baseline, that'd mean I could live the equivalent of nearly four-hundred eleven years on earth. Assuming I don't die here, I'd outlive my siblings, and their children by centuries. What the fuck! How was one supposed to even react to something like that?

Oh, right. Well I suppose fainting is as good a choice as any.

~ 02 ~

The world felt distant, like I was at the far end of a black tunnel. I couldn't feel anything, and aside from a sliver of light, at the far side of the figurative tunnel, I couldn't see anything either. That wasn't to say I couldn't hear anything. There were bits and pieces that reached my ears.

Twilight and Starlight were discussing my condition and what happened. There was a sound like the flapping of a bird's wings and a gentle breeze. Someone was fretting... and there someone with a shrill voice was throwing a fit. Something about sleeping and parties and Ponyville... God, shut the fuck up.

Eventually, it started to feel like I was on a boat, and there was a pressure on my back, even though it felt like I was belly-down... but why would that be? It was almost as if someone was...

Someone was touching my back, shaking me. Slowly, sensation returned to my body as panic began to fill my belly. My ears began to ring, but still I could hear that shrill voice. Someone's touching me!

"Come on, wake up!" She was was right on top of me, shaking me by my shoulders as if it was her God-given right. "It's time to part-ay!"

My eyes snapped open, and with a shriek I hopped up onto my hind legs. Her sternum pressed against my back as I grabbed the arm of whoever was touching me. It took some strength, but I was able to throw them over my shoulder to lay them out on the floor in front of me. Without even waiting to get a better grasp on the situation, I dropped back to my hooves darted toward the nearest solid object—a bookshelf. I pressed my side up against it and breathed slowly, trying to slow my heart down.

As the ringing in my ears subsided and my vision cleared, I saw a pudgy pink earth-pony mare, flat on her back and looking dazed. Off to one side, there was a near-orange earth-pony in a Stetson hat, behind whom cowered a very terrified pegasus mare. On top of a bookshelf, another pegasus was giving me the side-eye while reading what looked to be some sort of adventure novel. Finally, there was a bone-white unicorn next to Spike, Twilight, and Starlight at the table I'd been studying at. All of them seemed either stunned or intrigued.

Once I calmed down enough to think, it occurred to me that this was what was colloquially known as a stunned silence. I was smart enough to realise this wasn't a "Please, continue," sort of silence, but rather a "Dear God, what is wrong with you?" sort, but it took a few more moments for my brain to catch up to what was happening.

"Twilight, for the love of—this is why I suggested you just request that psych profile from the Princess!" I said with a shaky voice, unable to tear my gaze from the pink mare. "So that something like this wouldn't happen..." I gestured to her with a hoof. "I didn't kill her, did I?"

As if to answer my question, the mare in question hopped up like nothing had happened. You know, despite the fact that her poofy cotton-candy mane and tail were flat from where she'd impacted the crystal floor. She didn't look mad or upset, either; if anything, she looked— "Wow! That was fun!" she exclaimed, shaking herself like a dog. As if she were a baby doll with its plastic face pushed in, her mane and tail popped back into place as she advanced toward me. "Can we do that again?"

Seeing her slowly approaching me triggered something illogical in the back of my mind. Long repressed fears and memories strained against a mental barrier as my heartrate spiked once more. Why did this mare scare me to such a degree when she seemed more like an excitable puppy, rather than an actual threat. Was it because she was so much bigger than myself? Was it the fear of reprisal knowing that they see me as just a child?

"Pinkie, dear, I think you're scaring her," the white unicorn mare chided, her indigo mane bobbing slightly as she shook her head. "Honestly, it's surprising that nopony you've startled awake has ever thrown you before now." Looking from the pink monstrosity to me, she smiled. "Excellent throw, darling, but it will take more than a shoulder throw to harm Pinkie Pie."

I blinked, stepping away from the book shelf. "I... um, thank you, miss," I muttered sheepishly as I moved to join the four at the table. "You aren't upset that I <> your friend, are you?" The others looked strangely at me, and it occurred to me that what I intended to convey and what was actually heard sounded entirely different. So whatever Harmony did in changing me, it can't account for words ponies don't have an equivalent of. "Sorry, that doesn't seem to translate naturally. You aren't upset that I threw her, are you?"

Everyone except Starlight and Spike looked from me to Twilight questioningly. Evidently she hadn't told them I was a being from another world and/or reality yet. Bah, not my place to spoil her fun. "Although I don't approve, I can't exactly fault you for acting out when startled," she said with a sigh. "I'd ask if you were feeling better, Anon, but after what Starlight told me about your conversation, I can't imagine this is how you wanted to be woken up."

No shit, Twilight.

From there, she explained who these other ponies were. Although I'd seen their respective marks on the thrones in that one room, it never clicked until I got a better look at these ponies that they were anything other than her close friends, or maybe her harem of lesbian lovers. What? I don't judge. But turns out they're all national heroes and that they often get sent out on 'friendship quests' by a magic table. I swear I must have brain damage or something because that almost makes sense.

Let's see if I got this right. The pink menace with the pink-on-pink colour scheme and the balloon mark is Pinkie Pie. Apparently she's supposed to be throwing me a welcome party, but that got sidelined upon finding out I had fainted. Other than that, she's a bearer of something called the Element of Laughter. Sounds fake as fuck, but then again, this is magic horse world I'm in. I'll file her under Party Horse until I can get the name to stick, I think.

The other earth pony, the blonde with the off-orange coat and the apples on her butt? She's a local apple-farmer by the name of Applejack, and the bearer of the Element of Honesty. Wonder if she's got a cousin named Apple Brandy. Still, she's allegedly got a preternatural sense that lets her know if someone else is being dishonest, so I probably shouldn't play loose with the truth if I'm around her. I don't think I'll need to rely on the mnemonic Apple Horse, though; AJ is simple enough.

The walking pride pony with the cloud and lightning bolt on her flank is aptly named Rainbow Dash. She's apparently something of an aerospace athlete, being a member of the Wonderbolts. I'd actually heard a bit about them from the maids in Canterlot; it was kinda fascinating that they were a show-ponies in times of peace, and elite airborne fighters in wartimes. Go figure that the the pony linked to the Element of Loyalty would be a patriot and reservist. Other than that, she was the captain of this town's weather team and had a huge ego. Rainbow Horse and Rainbow Dash are the same number of syllables, so honestly, it could go either way.

The other pegasus pony of the group was nowhere near as... big or important sounding as Rainbow, but Fluttershy was Rainbow's childhood friend. Shy was definitely an apt word to describe her, although she seems pretty nice. Although I might've placed her in the field of insect studies, she apparently acts as a sort of caretaker for many of the animals in this town. She's also been kind enough to babysit the little sisters of a few of the others. Kindness, they say her represented element is. Hmm... Shy Horse?

Finally, there's Rarity. She's a dress-maker with multiple boutiques throughout Equestria, and her mark is a trio of blue gems. Whereas Applejack has the horse equivalent of a Southern accent, Rarity has a posh British one. Though she may seem a bit vain, she's apparently one of the most generous ponies there is. No points for guessing what her element is. That said, she is very pretty. I don't think I even need a mnemonic for her.

If Twilight has friends like these, from quiet to quite extravagant, maybe there's a reason she didn't bother asking for my psych report. She's looking to judge me for herself, and likely wants to use these friends of hers as a metric to judge me by. Kind of a poor choice if she's looking to judge whether I'm an ordinary pony or not, because things like yeeting the pink one is gonna be the least of her concerns.

With my background, I'm hardly what you'd call a stable—ha, a horse pun—being, and if I have to slowly go through horse puberty while I learn to deal with my new horse brain-chemistry, it might be better if she could arrange therapy for me. God knows, I'm probably not the only one who's gonna need it, either. When I inevitably reveal to her why I lived on the road for so long, she'll probably need a therapist of her own.

At the same time, though... I kinda welcome her ignorance. I told the Sun Horse everything, and her maids were totally watching me, but she was still planning to send me to her apprentice anyway. So she clearly believed I deserve a second chance—that my sins weren't so great as to pose a threat—and by letting Twilight form her own opinions, she's more likely to not come up with prejudgments. Still, I can feel everyone's eyes on me, and their unspoken concern. One doesn't 'just develop' the sort of reaction I had to being touched overnight, so they've probably got questions forming in their heads.

It sucks; they seem like decent people, and I'd rather they get to know who I am and who I will become, rather than who I was and what sins I bear. But if they start treating me with the kiddy gloves, I feel like I'm never gonna be treated like a person... Just a foal who doesn't know any better.

Regardless, shortly after we were all introduced, they led me back to the room with the big table and the thrones. There were streamers everywhere, and a banner written in sun glyphs and English declaring 'Welcome to Ponyville.' I almost stood there for a minute just staring at the banner with my jaw hanging. Never mind the smell of familiar dishes, or what looked like a poker table set up to one side of the room... or the piñata... and was that plinko?

"You'll catch flies like that, dear," Rarity commented as a tingling magical aura pushed my jaw shut. "Besides, this is your party. Enjoy it."

She was right, of course. This was undoubtedly the 'you-know-what' that Twilight mentioned this morning. When the alternative is to go back to my room and reflect on my apparent long life ahead of me, and risk having another freak-out, enjoying myself for a while doesn't seem to be too bad of an idea. Besides, it'd be rude to put a party meant for me to waste.

But what to do first? Do I go see if that's actually tacos I smell—how did Pinkie even know I liked those? Or should I see if poker's another thing that transcends these realities? That'd be fun, and for a change I wouldn't have to fleece someone just to get by. Then again, I also gotta see what this horse plinko's all about. A piñata just seems like a hate-crime here though.

"Where should I start?" I asked, a bubble of childish excitement welling up in my belly as my gaze flicked from Rarity to Pinkie. "It's been way too long since I've been to a party just to have fun instead of making some money." That got a raised eyebrow from Rarity, a confusion or suspicion that seemed to be mirrored by Twilight and Starlight. "There's so many choices..."

Author's Note

1. Any time Anon uses a term that Harmony either can't translate, or ponies simply don't have a related concept in Equish, the term will be enclosed in << >>. And yes, this does make Anon 'Nonny the Horse Elf'.

2. In typical depictions of an Anonymous turned into a small horse, the justification—if there even is one—is to play it for laughs. I chose to have a more grounded reason for why Anon is turned into a foal. The way I see it is that Equestria, with its heavily regulated/standardised solar and lunar cycles, would be far more likely to have a round number for its year length. A longer year in Equestria (especially using a nice round 1000) would stretch out ages, making a young adult human roughly in line with a preadolescent pony. In Anonymous's case, they went from being around 23 years old in human years to being around 7 to 8 pony years. This lines up with the previously stated estimate of being anywhere from 5 to 7 if you account for them being somewhat diminutive due to their previous lifestyle.

What's that? Seven Fates has gone and made another diminutive small horse? Hold the presses, am I right?

1. As has been hinted at a few times by now, this Anon has not had a great life. Much of their young adulthood thus far has been described as doing what was needed to survive, but never fully elaborated on, just as why they have been living as a drifter has yet to be explained.