Diaries of the Anonymous Filly

It was unsurprising when we pulled up to the station and I saw a guard contingent waiting for us. To be honest, I would've expected a carriage waiting for Aunt Cadance, so it was interesting to see that she seemed to be taking the scenic route home. We were probably a few kilometres away from the towering spire that was the castle, but I could understand wanting to stretch your legs after being on a train all day. I wonder if a pony's rear can fall asleep, or if riding on the train in loaf-position is just the norm.

When we exited our car, Star directed our party over to where the guards seemed to be waiting for the princess. Sure enough, Cadance reached the group first, but did not immediately leave. Instead, she waited for our little party to show up. Funny enough, the royal was caught off guard by the presence of Talent and Skill, but made no comment when she greeted us. That said, her gaze lingered on me, and I realised that I was still undisguised.

"Thank you again for agreeing to share your escort," Starlight commented with a pleasant smile. As the group began to move, she took up a position beside and a few paces behind the princess. Meanwhile, the guards assumed position at either side of the procession. "Even though Tempest is here to keep Anon out of trouble, I appreciate the extra security given her propensity for finding trouble."

With an airy laugh and a ruffle of her wings, Cadance dismissed the thanks. "It's not a problem, Starlight." She paused and gestured at the great crystalline city, shimmering in the late afternoon sunset. "I never get tired of seeing the city like this. It makes the walk home worthwhile, even if I'm eager to see Shiny and Flurry again. Besides, I'm sure everypony would love to hear about the city."

She cast a glance over her shoulder as she spoke, and again, I found her gaze lingering on me. There was a bit of anxiety in her emotional spectra, and it seemed to be in relation to me, but I couldn't imagine what the problem could be. Is she worried I might scare ponies? I was tempted to throw on a transformation, but I figured if I somehow got separated from the group, I'd be easier to find.

To my amusement, Emerald seemed to get a second wind as the princess extolled the virtues of her city. Every so often, she'd race ahead of the group, gawping at all the sights and shiny crystal ponies. She especially seemed enraptured by the latter, and whenever somepony smiled down at her, she got this starry look in her eyes. Then she'd race back to the group or attempt to run circles around us, occasionally trying to goad me into trying to race her.

Me, I was just sticking close to Starlight. Play could wait until we got settled, and to be honest, I was willing to bet that Flurry could wear Emmy out pretty easily. I was tempted to try to make use of my wings to get a better look at things, but it would mean that my minder couldn't keep as easy an eye on me, and I was supposed to be on my best behaviour. This resulted in Tempest following beside me, and the two maids a few paces behind me. Honestly, I don't know whether it makes me feel important or crowded.

The city, Cadance explained, was broken up into several different districts, or settlements as they were called. Crystalia was the southernmost of the districts, housing much of the shopping, restaurants, and hotels, as it was the settlement which connected the Crystal Empire to the rest of the world. To the north of the Crystal Castle was the Jadeland Settlement, which was dedicated to agriculture, and to the west was the industry-laden Jewel Settlement. That left Quartzhearth Settlement to the east, which was basically the suburbs.

It made sense that they'd keep a lot of the tourist stuff close to the train station, but I could tell that there were homes interspersed all over the place, otherwise there'd be a lot of space going to waste. Honestly, they could have done worse with this district. Rather than make it ostentatious and self-important, the ponies of the Empire gave it a homey, welcoming feeling. "We want you to enjoy your stay, and hopefully come back," was the sort of display it was.

At about the halfway point, something weird happened. Back in Canterlot, I'd been told that there was a reformed changeling here who might be willing to mentor me, so picking up a pheromone trail wasn't unusual. As we got closer to the castle, however, I began to notice something about the pheromones lingering in the air: they smelled like my own. I'd know what my own pheromones were like because I put a lot of effort into getting rid of Thorax's stink in the baths back in Canterlot.

It was so disorienting that I stumbled before coming to a stop. "Have... have I been here before?" I murmured as I felt a strange draw to the pheromones. Something in my brain was compelling me to follow... to find out and understand. Dimly, I was aware that my bodyguard and the maids were following behind me as I locked on to the trail. They might have even have been saying something, but my brain tuned them out.

Although one end of the trail seemed to go toward the castle, the fresher pheromones seemed to go off onto a side street, so that was where my hooves began to carry me. What is it about this? They're almost indistinguishable from my own pheromones, and almost certainly of a high caste, but there are subtle differences. Not mine, but close...

As I came to a stop outside a childishly decorated building that a sign proclaimed the Second Chance Shelter, it finally hit me. Memories granted by Hunger told me that the only reason my pheromones would be similar to somebug else's would be if they had some sort of familial tie to me. Even as the sound of foals playing filled my ears, my mind finally settled on a word. Mother.

The thought made me somewhat dizzy, and I found myself leaning against Refined Skill for support. There were only two possibilities that I could come up with to explain this. Either there just so happened to be another changeling with similar pheromones to me living at this shelter, or Hunger had used another changeling as a template, and basically 'created' a mother for me. So... not my mother, but a bug close enough genetically that she could have been. No, Twilight's more of a Mom to me than whatever placeholder Hunger put out for me to find.

I finally snapped out of my stupor when I heard Cadance call out. "There you are!" Sure enough, coming up the road was everypony we left behind on the main drag. Her expression was unreadable, and she seemed to tamp down on her emotional presence as she saw the building I felt drawn to. "I see you have found the Second Chance. This is the orphanage you'll be working off your community service at." As if reading my mind, she shook her head. "Yes there is a changeling working here, but you'll get to meet her tomorrow, and in a controlled setting before you start."

Under her breath, she muttered, "At least I hope she'll wait. When she gets a whiff of you, she might not." I was really confused by that, and not just because I was pretty sure I wasn't supposed to hear it. Was this going to become another Apocrita situation with near cultist-like fervour? Was I in danger?

It took some prodding, but eventually they managed to lead me back to the main drag. The rest of the trip was spent in a real daze as my head began to swim. I hated it, but the word mother kept repeating itself whenever I got a hint of that trail. It was almost instinctual, and I was almost scared that I might accidentally call them Mom when we were introduced.

Not helping the situation at all, Starlight was now watching me a lot more closely. I could feel her fear and anger, neither of which were directed at me, but her anxiety was definitely about me. It reminded me that both my big sister and Twilight knew something that I didn't, and that they were intentionally keeping it from me. Either they didn't think it was important that I know now, or more likely, they didn't want to get me worried too.

I can't exactly blame them, I thought as we entered the castle. As soon as we were inside the great crystalline spire, and ascended into a large antechamber, the guards separated from us. Meanwhile, Emerald, Skill, and even Tempest were enraptured by the transparent floor that looked down upon an important-looking plaza. I've only recently gotten myself stabilised and the last thing they wanna do is get me back on a hair-trigger.

The halls Cadance led us through could easily have given a minotaur or a small adult dragon plenty of space to move. Every square inch of it was gleaming crystal, but none of the walls were transparent. It wasn't as if it were cloudy. No, it was more like the walls simply didn't permit a pony to see into the chamber beyond. If I had to guess, this place was probably a marvel of magical engineering.

When we reached a large door not unlike the doors to the throne room in Canterlot Castle, the baby-blue aura of Cadance's magic grasped the door knockers and pulled the door open. There, sitting on a large crystalline throne was a familiar buff unicorn with a two-tone blue mane. Two crystalline guardsponies stood at the base of the raised dais upon which sat the throne. "Shiny, I'm home!" she exclaimed, "and I brought guests!"

As the party entered the throne room, I saw Shining Armour's gaze take in everypony's appearance. Starlight was known to him, as likely were the maids, based on the polite nods he gave upon seeing them. He seemed a bit wary of Tempest, but a soft smile of recognition spread across his muzzle as he spotted Emerald. Wait, has he even been filled in on the whole split thing? If not, he probably thinks Emerald is me.

The moment he locked eyes with me, however, everything went wrong. His pupils dilated, and his distress filled the room. His eyes took on a faraway look as his breathing picked up. Perhaps picking up on his rising panic, Cadance stepped forward and said, "Shining, this is..."

"Chrysalis!" he hissed as a wave of hate roiled off of him. "I won't let you hurt us again!"

A pink aura surrounded his horn, and then, before anypony could talk him down, he fired off a spell. Emerald's terrified shriek filled my ears as I watched in slow motion as a bolt of concentrated energy flew towards me. I had no way of knowing if that was a stunner spell, or if he was aiming to kill. Even as both maids protectively embraced the filly, my fight or flight response settled on freeze, and I found my legs wouldn't budge from the floor.

That was when a black-clad limb swept in front of me, deflecting the spell into the ceiling with a loud crack. In the next moment, a black and purple blur wrapped itself around me, interposing itself between me and my would-be attacker. Belatedly, I realised that it was Tempest, who was now clutching me to her barrel. When I looked up at her, I saw she was glaring in the direction of the throne. A shimmering pane of magic had erected itself between us as Starlight strode over to make sure I was okay.

"Shining, remember what I said in my letter?" Cadance pleaded, as she rushed to his side, attempting to calm him. "That's not Chrysalis! That's Anon! You know, the filly who beat up older two colts to protect a friend?" The mare embraced her husband in a hug as she spoke. "I told you in my letter that she'd separated from Emerald and became a changeling, remember?"

Peeking around Tempest's barrel, I saw his expression of fear and hate deteriorate into one of horror. All he could manage was a scared sounding, "I... you... Anon?" As he seemed to get his head back on straight, Shining managed to look quite ashamed of himself. Half-accusingly, he turned to Cadance and asked, "Why didn't you warn me that she looks exactly like a mini-Chrysalis? I was doing better now that she's reformed and doing something good and meaningful, but Luna's still been working with me on those nightmares."

If not for the fact that I needed to be strong for my little sister, I probably would have lost my shit. My breath was beginning to hitch in my throat, and for a moment, I was back in the hallway in Canterlot Castle. 'I'm a monster who can't be redeemed,' echoed inside my head as the phantom scent of copper and iron filled my nostrils. Feeding and stabilising myself didn't cha—

Tempest stepped back and forced me to meet her gaze. "Anon, I need you to stay in the present," she said in a commanding voice. "Take nice, slow breaths, and focus on me."

It took me far longer than I'd like to admit to understand what she said to me, and longer still to realise that Emerald had pressed herself against my side. Despite being just maids, the emotions radiating off of Natural Talent and Refined Skill made it clear that they were ready to fight the former captain of the Equestrian Royal Guard if it came down to it. That only furthered the belief that they had become protective of me—that I meant something to them. That, more than anything managed to make me feel safe.

Even as the former commander ran me through a calming exercise, I could hear Starlight chewing him out. "What were you thinking?" she yelled, causing both Cadance and the poor redshirts to flinch. "She's a bucking traumatised foal, and we only just convinced her to stop inventing combat spells—that she could rely on ponies like you to protect her so that she wouldn't ever have to go through what she did in Manehattan again." All the while, she kept up the barrier between us and the prince. "The only thing keeping her together right now is the fact that feeding managed to rebalance her brain chemistry enough that she was no longer a threat to herself."

"I..." the stallion could only mumble, wilting in his wife's grip. "I didn't..."

Finally, Starlight turned her back to the royals and dropped her spell. With a flick of her tail, she said, "Come on, everypony. Let's go find a hotel for the night. I'll send Twilight a letter later so we can figure something out in the long term."

Cadance called out in an attempt to talk her down, but it seemed like Starlight wasn't interested in what the Princess of Love had to say. She was already marching toward the throne room doors, but paused when she realised the rest of us hadn't moved. Instead, I was sitting in front of Tempest, glancing back and forth between Shining and Star. It didn't seem right to leave right now.

"Sis, it's alright," I finally managed, making the effort to mask the dual layered bug voice. "I felt his emotional reaction when he saw me." My gaze firmly fixed upon the unicorn on the throne. "Whatever happened between him and Chrysalis, it clearly left its scars on him. I've seen that faraway look he had in my own reflection, and I know what a trauma response looks like. This wasn't his fault." Shaking my head, I sighed. "I probably should have been wearing my normal appearance in the first place."

Glancing at Cadance, and then Starlight, I asked, "Do I really look just like Chrysalis?"

I was not expecting those three—as well as the two unicorn maids—to blurt out a "Yes!" in unison.

~ 51 ~

Once all the tempers cooled down, the evening was a lot less eventful. Sure, Shining was still on edge, but once he saw my cutie mark and I 'put my face on' so to speak, he seemed to calm down a lot. He was still a bit leery of me, but to be honest, I'd be more worried if he wasn't. Still, maybe being here would be beneficial to Shiny, too.

I think what really helped calm everything down was seeing that Flurry wasn't at all scared of me in either shape. In fact, I was in my natural form at dinner when she first saw me, yet she seemed to know I was me. How do I know, you ask? Well, the cry of "Anom!" before tackling me was a good indicator. Yeah, apparently at the start of the month, the little tyke spoke her first words, and since then, she was picking up names pretty easily.

Cadance seemed to think it was funny when, after dinner, I used my powers ~~for evil~~ to challenge Flurry Heart's memory by transforming into various ponies I knew that she was likely to know. You know, take on a form and use their voice to ask who I was. Mama and Dada were the easiest answers, and Anom was pretty self-explanatory. More interesting were Cewes, Luma, Twaiwai, and Sawai. Of course, probably the funniest of them all was Auntie's friend group: Spy, Abbajah, Raibo Dah, Fwutta, Rara, and Scawy. That's right, Pinkie was scary to her. Preach, sister. That mare scares the shit out of me, too, and I'm the one that gives monsters nightmares.

Finally, we all ended the night by letting Emerald and Flurry tire each other out. It might not be the first time I've said it, but Flurry is scary active for an infant, and if she picked up names that quickly, I reckoned she was gonna rival Twilight in intellect some day. It was nice seeing Em get to run around chasing or being chased by the little alicorn. For all the poor kid's been through,it's nice being able to see her enjoy normal kid things.

Tempest, Skill, and Talent were granted their own rooms, but ultimately Starlight, Emerald and I all shared one room, sleeping in a little pony pile, as we'd taken to doing. I worried that it might give Emerald some dependency issues. For the time being, it was more important to show her that I wasn't going anywhere. We hadn't even been separated a few hours before I went and gave myself up to the Storm King's forces, and then scared the shit out of her in the dream world when I nearly got killed and fell into that self-destructive nightmare. God only knows what would happen if she were to find out I almost committed suicide using Rainbow Dash.

Maybe it was the shock of nearly getting killed again, but I didn't dream that night. Instead, Luna was more than happy to let me form my void. To my surprise, I even ended up sleeping in. By that, I meant that I was the last pony in the pony pile to wake up for breakfast. Then again, maybe all this passive love that I was basking in was having a sort of tryptophan effect.

I have to ask whatever changeling I work with if they can teach me how to turn off passive feeding and my ability to read emotions. I thought I had the latter under control, but it was just the exhaustion.

The thing I think I was going to miss the most about Canterlot Castle was the lack of communal baths. There was little doubt in my mind that having Talent, Skill, or even occasionally Starlight or Twilight join me and aid in grooming had spoiled me a bit. What was it I even liked about it? Was it the near familial intimacy that the pony part of my brain craved? Was it just having someone around so that I didn't feel alone? Either way, we only had the individual bathrooms.

Note to self; suggest to Cadance that they open a bathhouse based on the palatial baths in Canterlot.

With me in my pony form, glasses and all, settling in for breakfast was a much more relaxed affair. Shining didn't immediately panic upon seeing me, and we even got to talking about magic. While he wasn't as scholarly as his sister, he still knew some pretty interesting spells that I wanted to get my hooves on. In particular, I'd love to take apart his famous shield spell to see how it works. Combat spells are forbidden, but Mo—Auntie Twilight didn't say anything about defensive spells like a shield.

While I ate a very sugar-laden bowl of oatmeal and chatted up Shining, Cadance was taking time to get to know Emerald. Starlight was just watching me warily, and Tempest simply stood at the edge of the room, watching me. Neither maid was present, but I imagined they might have been taking their breakfast with the servants or guard staff. All-in-all, a peaceful breakfast, right?

Well fuck me for getting hopeful, I thought as the doors to the dining hall burst open. In the middle of the doorway, flanked by two embarrassed-looking crystal guards, stood a tall, fluffy white bug pony. Between the flowing cyan hair, the golden ruff of fur around her neck, and the stunning moth wings, I knew exactly who it was, and felt a degree of guilt upon that sense of recognition. There was the former queen of the unreformed changelings, who I tricked into reforming, and good lord did she look frantic, manic, and slightly pissed.

Beside me, I heard Emmy quietly exclaim, "Fluffy bug pony!" It seemed like she was combating the desire to go hug her. Luckily, common sense and stranger danger awareness kept her close at my side. Even if she was reformed, I couldn't trust her not to hurt Emerald yet.

"Where is she?" Chrysalis demanded as she strode up to the table. Idly, I noticed my bodyguard's presence had come directly behind myself and Emerald. "Where is the juvenile queen bearing my pheromone signature? I know she's here, Cadance."

Even as Starlight Glimmer bristled, her horn ready to cast, and Shining Armour shied away, something weird happened. Cadance merely sipped at her coffee, indifferent to the former enemy standing at the end of the table. "Good morning to you too, Chrysalis." What was even happening right now? Given all she'd done, I'd have thought Cadance would be at her throat. "Please, why not join us? I can have some coffee brought out."

Her pheromone signature... No... No no no. This is gonna get ugly.

The reformed queen ignored the princess, instead glaring around the table. Hateful eyes fell upon Starlight, and she seemed wary of the bodyguard with the broken horn, but when she settled her gaze upon me and the filly sitting right beside me, she looked enraged. Her eyes locked on mine. "You! What did you do, you little monster!?" she demanded, getting as close as she dared until I heard two horns spark in warning. Her gaze travelled to Emerald, who no doubt was so inundated with my pheromones that she was probably indistinguishable from me, especially with how she now trembled against my back. "How have you created what pheromones tell me is my daughter, and why do you force her to wear your appearance?"

A tiny part of me was still somewhat scared of the mare. She had fed on me several times in Ponyville before foalnapping me, and she'd planned to hurt me in order to hurt Starlight and Twilight. Yet, my guilt over forcing the change on her was stronger than that fear. What caught me by surprise was just how quickly I responded to Emerald's fear, and how quickly aggression built up in my chest.

In a flash of blue flame, I shed my pony disguise, and used my wings to lift myself atop Tempest's back. Before I even realised it, I'd transformed my right foreleg into a familiar scythe-limb and hissed at her. "You need to back the fu-freak up, Chrysalis," I snarled. "I will not let you scare Emerald like this, and I will never be your daughter."

It was so satisfying seeing the bug's confounded expression as she glanced from the foal who lacked glasses and burn scars, and then back to me. She even did as I suggested and backed up, shaking her head... "No, no, no," she muttered with an almost manic titter as I reverted my leg. "This has to be some sort of joke. How did she become a changeling? Why? This isn't fair..." She backed herself against the wall and began to cry and laugh as she glared at me. "Why does Anonymous get to be a pure-strain while I was forced to become one of those harmonious mutts!?"

There came an almost sinister laughter filling the air. Black sand appeared from nowhere, blowing into a pile beside Chrysalis before slowly coalescing into a familiar Abyssinian lady with piercing blue eyes, lying sensually on her side. "Why indeed, Chryssi," purred the familiar voice of Désirée as she reached up to boop the bug's snoot. "Why would a mere pawn whose hunger for the power to protect, the acquisition of knowledge, and for revenge ever be worthy to steal away from boring old Harmony?"

Guards, Shining, and Tempest all froze at the sight of the embodied Hunger spirit, but Starlight and Cadance merely looked annoyed, and Flurry merely babbled with interest. Meanwhile, the forcibly reformed changeling glanced from the spirit to me in horror. "The Goddess of the Swarm..." she whispered. I had no doubt that she could feel that answer on a spiritual level, even if she was no longer under Hunger's domain. "H-how!?"

For her part, Hunger just grinned a Cheshire cat grin. "It's as you said when you took her," purred the spirit of Hunger. "'Anonymous... It's such a strong changeling name,' I believe you said. 'It's so deliciously ironic that Celestia would name an outsider-turned-pony like that. If but you had fallen into my hooves before that meddling whorse got her hooks into you, I could have made you one of my own.'"

The cat cackled as she began to rise up into the air and float lazily around the distraught bug. "To be honest, that little exchange is what gave me the idea to steal a pawn from Harmony and ensure the true changelings did not die out," she continued. "Your touch on her mind left her changed, you know. She could feel emotions just as a changeling does, and given time, she might even have changed on her own. Speeding up the process and getting a body of my own was too good of an opportunity to pass up."

Slowly, Désirée floated over to me, and Tempest by extension. The bodyguard luckily had the sense not to strike out at what was effectively a goddess. I hissed and buzzed my wings as she mussed up my mane and booped me on the nose as well. "Besides, this little monster is a natural, Chryssi," commented the spirit with a chortle. "Truly, she is every bit your daughter!" She cackled as I shared a horrified look with Chrysalis. "Even with all the puzzles and scrambled knowledge I've left her, she's adapted quite well. She's even figured out how to alter herself using mass all on her own, as you've seen. How long did it take you to learn under Queen Morpha? A year? Five? Or was it a decade? Anon figured it out in hours with only partial knowledge!"

Slowly, Chrysalis' gaze changed from a look of horror to one of surprise. Dare I say she almost looked impressed? "That's a much better way to look at your new protégé," she crooned. "You're going to be spending a lot of time together, so I want you two to get along... No killing each other. You just teach Anon all she needs to know about being a bug so that it's easier for her to understand everything I put in her head..."

Slowly, she started dispersing into black sand once more. "One more thing," came her voice laced with mirth once her body blew away into a nonexistent breeze. "This new model is immune to being turned into one of Harmony's mutts, so don't even worry about trying to change her out of revenge." There was an airy chuckle, and then, "Although, maybe it would do her some good to look like you do when she helps you at the orphanage. From the outside, it'll be just some nice Mommy/Daughter community service and bonding."

Jesus Christ, that is a horrifying sentence that I never want to hear again for as long as I live.

Evidently, Chrysalis was in agreement. She wilted slightly against the wall as she realised Hunger was probably going to be watching extra close to make sure she didn't try anything with me. "I liked the goddess when she didn't speak so often," she quietly whimpered. "Why is she so much like Discord?"

Meanwhile, at the head of the table, Shining Armour merely gaped at the spot where the cat woman used to be. "What the buck was that?" he finally asked, looking over at me.

The moment I looked over, Flurry decided to add her own two cents. "Buck!" she cried out with childish glee. This was promptly followed by Cadance facehoofing.

Seemingly realising what he'd done, he looked down at the remains of his breakfast with a defeated look. "I'm sleeping on the sofa tonight, aren't I?"