Taking another long drag from my ‘medicine’ I cringe and struggle to not give in to another coughing fit. Even after months of being prescribed this CBD thing I still can’t stand the taste. Spike however seems to have no issue as he takes the piece from my paw and finishes off the entire stick in one drag. Smiling wide as he does and casually letting the smoke billow out from his jaws and nostrils.

Somehow even after knowing me for a full year he still comes to visit me. Almost always against his mothers wishes he sneaks out of the castle or flees from Ponyville to climb the mountain to hide in my burrow. Why he keeps putting himself through all of the trouble of coming to see me I can’t understand, but I absolutely love it. Both Cadence and Chrysalis say it is because he likes to spend time with me but I really doubt that. I’m starting to think he is only coming here because I let him smoke my pot. How the Fae call’s this ‘medicine’ still confuses me.

“What’s the matter? Still having a problem with your medicine~ I can always get you a spoon of peanut butter if that will help you.” Growling between small coughs I try to shout back at him.

“Show -” But I falter and fall into a violent coughing fit. The rancid tasting smoke spilling out from my lungs and lingering in my sinuses making me gag. Clutching at my chest my claws scrap uselessly against my scales and I end up doubling over trying to catch my breath. Were it not for the nest I'd made out of various pillows and cushions I'd stolen from Celestia I'm sure I'd have hurt myself again.

“Jeez… Carefully Fengai, you don't have to show off. Though I can understand you wanting to try and impress a pro like me.” Hissing through acidic puffs of smoke Spike laughs at me before accidentally choking on his own ego and falling into his own coughing fit. Only through the grace of the ancestors do I catch my breath and recover before him. Wasting no time I threw my wing out and smacked him. Unable to dodge Spike is thrown off balance and falls onto his back into the pillows and cushions of my ‘nest' where he continues to choke and giggle. Snarling as his laughter continues I jump and pin him beneath me.

“That isn't my name and you know it Spike! Gah! Stupid hatchling!” I continue to growl until Spike goes quiet. As always his purple scales turn a deep crimson and his eyes look anywhere but my own. Snorting a puff of pot-tainted frost into his face he starts to cough a second time. Screwing his eyes shut and turning to the side he hacks and gags. Stupid drake.

“Ew… Gaia, that's gross. Ugh what did you eat?” It is now my turn to blush and look away. Is my breath really that bad? Maybe I should start doing more than just chewing on bones like the Fae suggested.

“Salmon. I go to the arctic sea every other week to go fishing. I’ve invited you before.” Spike shifts beneath me but makes no attempt to free himself. Idly I have to flick my tail before I accidentally try to coil and entwine mine with his.

“You know I would if I could Gaia, but mom is… She’s already concerned that we spend too much time together. Even if you can't remember your past I’m sure by now you know how much it stresses her out when she isn’t in control of a situation.” Snorting in amusement I shift my weight around and settle myself into a more comfortable position on top of Spike. Again he does nothing to stop me.

“She claims I’m too old for you now. Chrysalis says she rants about me stealing you from her.” Spike laughs.

“Are they both seriously keeping mom from talking to you? It’s been over a year at this point, are you ever going to call off your guard dogs?” Shifting beneath me again I can feel Spike's paws shift about. One moment they are on my sides and the next they are ripped away and tucked under his back. So long as he does not grope me I would not mind his paws caressing my scales…

No. Stop it Gaia. Do not ruin the only good relationship you have because you are horny. Stupid ‘medicine’.

“They are not my guards, they are my strange and overly sexual friends. You know that I found them in my bath once? It was terrifying. I never knew ponies could be so… flexible.” Though he blushes again Spike sticks his tongue out and mimics gagging.

“Eww… How did you get them to -”

“I used my mana to freeze the water’s surface into solid Ice. They are still mad at me about it, apparently the water wasn’t the only thing I froze.” I have to suppress my laughter as his face twists in confusion.

“Ouch? That's an ouch right?” I snort and giggle like an idiot while slapping him with my wing again.

“Yes Spike it would hurt.” Rolling off of his stomach I smack his flank with my tail while shooting him a wide grin.

“How would you like it if your cock became solid ice mid stroke?”

A small squeak of fear is his only response to my question. After laughing I settle again and briefly nuzzle his cheek.

“Oh relax I’d never…” I have to stop myself and clear my throat before continuing.

“To answer your question I never told either of those two to keep Celestia away from me. They chose to do so on their own.”

“They um… They started after mom threw your head into the wall right? About the same time she ‘adopted’ you into our family?” Growling I stand up from my nest and flick my tail rapidly.

“Yes, around that time.” Tearing my attention away from Spike and the overly pleasing position he has yet to move out of I stalk around my room and rub my side roughly against the stone walls. Shaking my head and breathing heavily my eyes dart towards the chest that I keep my medicine in. Should I light another to help calm down?

“You know she didn’t do that to upset you right Gaia?” I snort another large puff of frost as I give up and make my way over to the chest and pull out another two sticks. Without thinking much of it, stick one into my mouth right away and toss the other blindly over my shoulder to Spike.

“I’m aware. Shit! Where are the matches?” Vaguely I hear the cushions and pillows from my nest shift before the soft clicking of claws on stone approach me from behind. By the time Spike is beside me I’ve already given up on finding my matches and turn to him in defeat. Rather than the smirk I expected he gives me a small frown before blowing a quick flame into my face to ignite my stick. Inhaling immediately so that the smoke is funneled through properly I let out a small cough.

“You slipped into Draconic again. You doing alright Gaia?” Why do you have to be so caring? Why out of everyone and everything in my new life are you the best thing to happen to me?

“I’m fine Spike… Just have had a lot on my mind lately. Ever since I started this new round of treatment and therapy I’ve been remembering things. I get a little confused sometimes, but I’m alright.” Spike still looks at me in concern but shakes his head. Clearly not wanting to start another argument over the same topic again… For the fifth time.

“Is this about the name thing again? You know I have no problem calling you either Fenrir or Gaia. I remember you said it helps you sometimes when you can’t figure out which one you are.” Inhaling my medicine as deeply as I can I hold it in my chest even as my lungs burn. By the time I’m forced to cough and let the smoke out my eyes are blurry with tears. Hopefully he thinks the tears are just from my coughing.

“It’s never been the names little pup. I just don’t know who I am anymore. Some days I am Gaia, a druidic warrior and guardian of the tree of life. Other days I am Fenrir, daughter of Tiamat and bringer of chaos. A Jötuun warrior and holder of the mantle of war. Then there are days like today…” Pulling away from Spike I try to move back to my nest but am stopped as he steps in front of me and places a paw gently against my chest.

“Who are you today then?” Sighing I push against Spike to try and get past him but he doesn’t budge. Unable to move, but unwilling to harm Spike I flick my tail and sigh again. Why do you have to be so stubborn?

“I am lost Spike. I am neither Fenrir nor Gaia. I hold memories from both ‘lives’ yet can claim neither as my own. So I am lost. I am the bastard child of two monsters.”

Author's Note

In case it was missed roughly one full year has passed since the last chapter. Additionally Chapter 11 will be in more than one part. The first part, (this one) will be from Fenrir/Gaia's POV, while the other parts will differ in POV.

There will still be a chapter 11.5.

Other than that please enjoy!