Author's Note

Chapter 11 Part 2! Brought to you by Spikes POV.

Small warning of more 'drug' use. Marijuana is legal both recreationally but also medically where I live but I understand that is not the case everywhere. In this regard I will give a small warning.

Other than that I hope you all enjoy and will see you in Part 3!!!!

Chapter 11 Part. 2 (Rewrite)

“I’m heading out Twi! I don’t think I’ll be back before dinner so don’t worry about me!” Before I can fully close the door behind me it lights up in a lavender glow. Cursing under my breath I begrudgingly let go and wait for Twilight to show up and glare up at me with a frown I’m starting to see a lot more often.

“And just where do you think you are going this time Spike? You better not be going up to see Fen -” Twilight screams as a rubber snake falls onto her muzzle. Her horn flashing brightly with a powerful defensive spell that gave me only a second to dive out of the way. Instead of the loud explosion I expected however I am instead greeted by the squeaking honk of a rubber chicken and the mad cackling of Discord and Pinkie.

“Oh the look on your face!” Seething with rage I’ve seen only a clawful of times I decided to slink away as Twilight starts ripping into the two for their prank. Inching my way farther from the tree and out of Twilight's line of sight Discord gives me a small wink and even a thumbs up before snapping his fingers and making a second snake fall on Twilight's withers. Not wanting to think too much on why Discord is helping me I quickly spread my wings and shoot into the air as the screaming starts anew.

“That was close…” Taking a moment to catch my breath and steady my heart I angle my wings and bank to the north until I am on a straight shot with Fenrir’s half of Mount Canterhorn. Thankfully nothing else happens on my way and in no time at all my paws sink into the soft snow just outside of her burrow. Then again can I really call it a burrow anymore?

Twilight says a burrow is a tunnel or hole dug by a small animal to use as a dwelling. I guess on a technicality it could be a burrow since Gaia lives in it, but it's also by no means small. Both of us can stand at our full height without scraping the ceiling with our horns, not to mention the fact I can turn around without worrying about my tail or wing hitting someone or something. It would probably be better to call it a cave, a very, very detailed and expertly crafted cave.

Shaking my head I let out a long sigh. Doesn't matter right now… Moving up the last few steps before the entrance to Gaia’s cave I notice a bundle of warped guard armor hanging from the ceiling. Curious, I swat the metal hanging from the entrance with a wing as I pass underneath. Chiming loudly the metal tubes of gold sang an oldy soothing tune as they swung.

“You're here!?” Before I can so much as turn my head I'm enveloped by Gaia's arms and wings and pulled roughly into her home. With seemingly little effort she is able to maneuver us around her home and drag me into the far back before throwing me into the large pile of pillows and cushions she jokingly calls her ‘nest’.

“Ow! Gaia what was that for? I could have gotten here by myself just fine you know.” Glaring at me and flicking her tail rapidly Gaia turns sharply and stomps over to the chest she keeps her pot in. Throwing it open and nearly breaking the lid she blindly grabs a fist full of joints and sticks one haphazardly into her maw before dropping the rest back into the chest.

“I can’t believe you ??????? Why would ??? ????? ?????? ??? ?” As always when she gets worked up, Gaia starts to slip back into speaking Draconic. I’m starting to think it might be a good idea to take up those lessons mom offered again.

“Is everything alright Gaia? I can call you Fenrir today if that is what’s bothering you.” Whether or not it is on purpose Gaia ignores me and continues to dig into her chest until she pulls out a matchbox that is comically small in her paws. Even so with the dexterity and precision only an expert could mimic she pulls out what looks to be the last match and strikes it against the box until the stick bursts into flame. Feeling it would do me no good to keep trying to talk when she isn’t listening, I decided to just sit patiently and wait for her to finish.

Almost instantly she starts to cough and spew smoke out of her mouth and nose. Turning around with watery eyes she stumbles back over towards me and blindly plops down in front of me while taking another long drag from the joint. Rolling my eyes and smirking, I wait for her to finish her next drag and start to cough before reaching out and grabbing it from her. When she makes no moves to stop me I bring the joint to my lips and inhale deeply until the entire stick is gone. Thanks to many years of practice I manage to just barely hold back from coughing when giving Gaia a shit eating grin.

“What's the matter? Still having a problem with your medicine~ I can always get you a spoon of peanut butter if that will help you.” With tears building up in her eyes Gaia growls.

“Show -” Without even being able to finish her first word Gaia starts to hack and cough violently. Scraping and beating at her chest with her claws I can’t help but start to laugh as she doubles over.

“Jeez… Careful Fengaia, you don’t have to show off. Though I can understand you wanting to impress a pro like me.” Gaia hisses and glares up at me. Unfortunately her blood red eyes do her no favors as she has her snout half buried in pillows and cushions. In the end while I’m sure she tried to be threatening, I can only see her as being absolutely adorable. However, laughing in her face a second time may not have been in my best interest as I started to cough and found it hard to catch my breath. Unable to defend myself between aggressively coughing and laughing, I do not see Gaia’s wing until it hits me square in the chest and sends me sprawling into the cushions.

Unfortunately I often forget that karma is a bitch, and before I can do anything Gaia jumps on my chest and uses her weight to pin me beneath her. Her muzzle almost touching my own, she starts to yell in my face. How easy would it be to just a little bit and kiss her? Would she even let me? I mean I’m not the brightest when it comes to flirting with others of my kind but… Oh gods above what is that smell?

“Ew… Gaia, that's gross. Ugh, what did you eat?” No you idiot! Why did you say that! Shit! Fuck! Your sister is literally a walking dictionary and your sister in law is the literal princess of love and that is what you say!?

“Salmon. I go to the arctic sea every other week to go fishing. I’ve invited you before.” Shifting about I reach for the closest pillow I can and smash it in between my legs before I cause a major problem. No matter how forgiving Gaia usually is I doubt she would be happy if I touched her with That. Now with a very prominent growing issue between my legs that I need to not think about I fake a cough.

“You know I would if I could Gaia, but mom is… She’s already concerned that we spend too much time together. Even if you can’t remember your past I’m sure by now you know how much it stresses her out when she isn’t in control of a situation.” Then again with everything going on now in the capital I’m surprised she still has time to fret over my nonexistent love life. Hearing Gaia snort I look back up to her in time for her to shift her weight around on top of me. Had I not already put a small pillow over my groin I’m sure she would have just accidentally felt my still rising indecency.

“She claims I’m too old for you now. Chrysalis says she rants about me stealing you from her.” I laugh. Mom was the one who told me she was only a little older than I was!

“Are they both seriously keeping mom from talking to you? It’s been over a year at this point, are you ever going to call off your guard dogs?” Ripping my paws off of Gaia’s side I quickly tuck them under my back. Gods damn it Chrysalis! Why did you have to put Lovers Leaf into her pot? How in the hell is an aphrodisiac supposed to help Gaia keep calm? Let alone the fact that both her and Cadence know that she shares it with me an -

Are they trying to get us to sleep together!?

“They are not my guards, they are my strange and overly sexual friends. -” Holy shit they totally put that leaf in her pot on purpose.

“You know that I found them in my bath once? It was terrifying. I never knew ponies could be so… flexible.” Shuddering at the thought I try to stop myself from puking as vivid memories from walking in on a similar situation when I was younger resurface in my mind.

“Eww… How did you get them to -”

“I used my mana to freeze the water’s surface into solid ice. They are still mad about it, apparently the water isn’t the only thing I froze.” Looking up at Gaia in confusion she just laughs. Does she mean she froze their…

“Ouch? That's an ouch right?” Giggling like an idiot Gaia smacks me lightly with her wing.

“Yes Spike it would hurt.” Rolling off of me and to the side I’m quick to reposition the pillow over my crotch just in time as she smacks me roughly with her tail against my flank. No. Bad Spike. Think with your other head… Even if it would be totally worth it.

“Oh relax I’d never…” Gaia stops and clears her throat. “To answer your question I never told either of those two to keep Celestia away from me. They choose to do so on their own.” I can’t help but frown.

“They um… They started after mom threw your head into the wall right? About the same time she ‘adopted’ you into our family?” Gaia growls and quickly stands up while flicking her tail. Not that I can blame her for being angry, it was by no means a nice or easy transition. Between both the nobles and the general public there was genuine outrage and confusion when mom not only announced Gaia as part of the family but that she was also a dragon all along. To say things have been tense since that announcement would be an understatement too.

“Yes, around that time.” Eyeing me a bit longer than usual Gaia turns sharply just as a blush starts to work its way onto her muzzle again and instead roughly rubs her side against the stone walls. Frowning as she does this I flip onto my stomach and can only watch helplessly from her nest as she continues to ‘stim’. I don’t entirely remember what it is, but Chrysalis had told me early on that ‘stimming’ was both normal and relatively healthy for Gaia. Something about the rough repetitive motions or rubbing and scraping her scales leading to calming her.

“You know she didn’t do that to upset you Gaia? It was an accident.” Gaia snorts a large puff of frost and snarls before I even finish talking. Easily in the most irritated state I’ve ever seen her in she roughly grinds her side along the wall all of the way over to her chest before flinging the poor thing open and pulling out another two joints. Surprisingly she throws one haphazardly over her shoulder while snapping the other up into her jaw.

“I’m aware. Shit! Where are the ??????” Standing up from the cushions and looking between my legs I whine at seeing pink flesh still half sticking out from my slit. Groaning and shaking my head even with a heavy blush I fold my wings down in a vain attempt to hide myself before I start slowly walking up to Gaia. As soon as I am right next to her she turns to me with a deep frown. Her lip slightly quivering I can only guess that she is on the verge of tears as I blow a small flame to light up the joint in her maw.

“You slipped into Draconic again. You doing alright Gaia?” Gaia just looks at me with an expressionless muzzle. No smile, no grin, and no more frown. Only a blank look, one that makes her look broken.

“I’m fine Spike… Just have a lot on my mind lately. Ever since I started this new round of treatment and therapy I’ve been remembering things. I get a little confused sometimes, but I’m alright.” Even though she is blatantly lying again, I just shake my head. If she didn’t want to tell me the truth the last ten times this would be no different. It just begs the question if she even realizes how obvious it is to me that she is hurting.

“Is this about the name thing again? You know I have no problem calling you either Fenrir or Gaia. I remember you said it helps you sometimes when you can’t figure out which one you are.” Gaia starts to cry as she takes a long inhale of the joint. Oh what a wizard with words you are Spike. You want to dig your hole any deeper dumb ass?

“It’s never been the names little pup, I just don’t know who I am anymore. Some days I am Gaia, a druidic warrior and guardian of the tree of life. Other days I am Fenrir, daughter of Tiamat and bringer of chaos. A Jötuun warrior and holder of the mantle of war. Then there are days like today…” Trying to move past me I step in front of her and place my paw on her chest.

“Who are you today?” Gaia tries to push past me again, but after I do not move she just sighs and flicks her tail. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this upset before…

“I am lost Spike. I am neither Fenrir nor Gaia. I hold memories from both of their ‘lives’ yet can claim neither as my own. So I am lost. I am the bastard child of two monsters.” Glaring at Gaia I have to fight the rising urge to yell. Instead the most I can do is frown and snort a black cloud of smoke into her face making her cough.

“The only thing that you are is a fucking idiot.” Coughing loudly Gaia takes a few steps back in surprise.

“What?” Advancing back towards her Gaia manages to slip past me once and starts to retreat again before I corner her and ironically force her into her own nest. Equal amounts of confusion and surprisingly enough fear bleeding through her facade as I do so.

“I said you are a fucking idiot. How the fuck can you stand here and say that you are a monster! Gaia is not a monster and neither is Fenrir, but since you are both of those people that makes you doubly NOT A MONSTER!” Poking her roughly in the chest Gaia falls onto her back and I stand above her growling and glaring. How dare she say such horrible things about herself.

“But I -” Blowing a quick bout of fire into her muzzle she stops.

“Stop! Why in the world would you think that you are a monster? How in tartarus can you be a monster? Gaia for all intents and purposes was never a real person. Any and all actions you supposedly ‘did’ as her never happened. No matter how bad or fucked you think they were they never happened. As for your life prior to the crystal as Fenrir, last I checked you were a fucking child soldier! Conscripted at the age of 12 by your so-called ‘mother’ to fight in a genocidal war!” Gaia growls and tries to push me off of her so I nip her neck to try and pin her. Unfortunately for me I was not the aforementioned child soldier and with a speed that left my world spinning the tables were turned and now I am the one being pinned as Gaia snarls.

“How dare you -”

“No! Just shut up and fucking listen! Do you have any freaking idea how much you matter to me? To my mother? To everyone!? If you were the monster you say you are, why in the world would anyone go through so much to try and help you!? Gaia, Fenrir, it doesn't matter who or what you were. What matters is what you are…” Gaia stares down at me with a terrifyingly neutral face.

“Why?” Knowing what I want to say I blush and look away, but the second I do a silver scaled paw pushes my muzzle back so that I am looking at her. Glacier blue eyes locking with my own emerald ones and holding me steady.

“Why what…” My attempt at stalling was futile as Gaia just snorts a puff of frost into my face and leans down until her snout is pressed against my own.

“Why do you care?” Trying to squirm free does me no good as the second I make any progress she fully lays down on top of me. A small wheeze is all I manage in retaliation as the air is forced from my chest.

“Why Spike? What makes you think that a Jötuun like me deserves even a fraction of the kindness that you show me.”

“Because everyone deserves kindness… Especially those who think they don’t deserve any, those are the ones who deserve it the most…” I want to say more. I want to say it is because you are such a kind and amazing person and treating you any other way would be criminal. Most of all I want to tell you I love you… I want to say that I love you but… I’m too scared to say it…