Susie idly played with her hair while using a framed photo on her desk as a mirror. She wanted to look nice for any new lifeforms she came across, though she was half expecting it to be a barren planet. It was just so far away from any neighbors, it wasn't hard to imagine that it had trouble once upon a time and couldn't receive help from anybody. Of course, there was every chance that it was a completely normal and healthy planet that was just too far away to make contact. Or perhaps too far away to even know there were others to make contact with. She would know soon enough she supposed, they were in the middle of their last warp-jump, which would unfold the space around the Access Ark Mark II and it's crew within the strange orbit of the lonesome solar system. Hmm... Perhaps it should be labelled a geocentric system, given the moon and the sun actually circle around the planet. Susie couldn't wait to find out what oddities caused that particular quirk. Every planet had them, Popstar being a more obvious example as it was literally star shaped while also somehow maintaining perpendicular rings.

Susie felt her brain stutter as she lost her focus on her reflection, instead finding her gaze trapped by the photo inside the glass frame.

"... This is the kind of thing you would have loved papa." It had been a year now since Max Profitt Haltmann had died, though it might be more appropriate to say that he had stopped living sometime in the decade Susie was lost in Another Dimension. She had always considered her forced estrangement from her father some sort of freak accident, and she had still assumed so when she finally made her way back only to find her father no longer remembered her. Given the fact that the Mother Computer had apparently been erasing his soul, Susie would sometimes allow pessimism and paranoia to convince her that the machine had made no mistake getting rid of her. Her absence could only have contributed to Mr. Haltmann's downfall. Letting those thoughts win though made it hard for her to resist the need to tear the whole damn Ark apart, regardless of the fact that it was her choice to have it rebuilt. She refused to let her and her father's old dream die, to help raise everyone everywhere to the highest standard of comfort and technology. The salvaged Access Ark and gutted Mother Computer were only a means to an end, and once she could guarantee the creation of a new vessel, both were going to be melted down and used to make Limited Edition Haltmann Memorial MedalsTM.

Susie caught herself clenching her fists and forced herself to relax, taking a deep breath before slumping at her desk. Honestly, had Magalor been available, she would have just asked him to take just herself to the isolated world. Months in the Access Ark was proving to be detrimental to her mental health. Without the Star Dream.OS, the Ark couldn't jump dimensions, so Susie had to jury-rig her own solution to travel using the remains of its hardware. Having the Lor-Starcutter and its captain simply ferry her to and fro would have been much prefered, even if Magalor was a conniving little showboat. Jarringly, her intercom buzzed and jolted her out of her thoughts.

"Uh, Boss?"

"It's Susie. What do you have to report?"

"Sure thing Boss! It says here that you have a space-time anomaly taking shape inside the Ark!" That's... not good. "It's shaped like a non-convex polygon!"

"Mecha-Dee, unfold the warp space immediately! We don't know what a portal could do if we're-" And then the portal opened, in front of her office and across the hallway, and Susie could only stare at it through her open door. "...New rule, if something is wrong on the same floor as me, you let me know about that first."

"Sure thing Boss!" And then the portal expanded tenfold, it's edges shearing through the steel walls and flooring as a massive white ship hull breached the surface of it. As the opalescent wedge smashed it's way through her floor, coasting through the structure of her spaceship on its way to her desk, Susie had only one thing on her mind:

"MAGOLOR! What the actual fuck?!" The Lor-Starcutter slowed down significantly as it tried to wade it's way through metal seas, and Susie felt her eyes twitch as it softly pressed its way through her wall until it was halfway inside of her overly spacious office, leaving a jagged hole where her door used to go. Susie always thought the seafaring appearance of the Lor was unfitting for a space and time vessel, but it certainly belonged better out there than inside of her fucking-

The hidden door on it's side opened up and extended out it's gangplank as Magolor tumbled his way out, the blue-and-yellow robe garbed wizard frantically trying to catch his egg-shaped body before it rolled any further. Susie reached under her desk as he finally pushed off the floor and quickly floated over to the pissed CEO.

"Susie! Thank goodness I stopped you time! You need to-" He stopped as the barrel of a gun was placed in between his eyes, shining the blue light of plasma across his face. "... Find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"I'm not the pink puffball. Why did you crash the Starcutter into my office?! And you!" Magolor huffed out a sigh of relief as Susie pointed the laser at his ship instead. "Why would you let him?! Stop enabling Magolor's recklessness!" The Lor made a sad keening sound from somewhere, as if apologetically.

"Susie, I'm sorry! I'll help repair everything, but I had to stop you from getting to Hiddenstar! I only just got the note you left for me at Popstar and I knew you had to have been close so I didn't have time to ask nicely." Magolor flinched as Susie threw her weapon at the floor, turning it to spare parts instantly.

"Hiddenstar!? Why is it Hiddenstar?! I thought I was discovering something new!"

"I know! I'm sorry! But it's not undiscovered, it's hidden! And for good reason!" He let his hands unfold as he relaxed, no longer being threatened by the scariest lady he ever had the displeasure of befriending. "Okay, it goes like this. The Ancients did a lot of tampering with the different Matters, as I'm sure you know. It's how they made the Lor, the Master Crown, etc."

"Get. To. The. Point."

"Okay! Jeez..." Another gun comes out from under Susie's desk. "Alright! Most of the time the Ancients had to go out to the edge of the universe to collect good samples of pure Matter, but they occasionally came across planets and stars that produced the stuff naturally. Popstar is the perfect example of a source of Dream Matter. Hiddenstar, when they first found it, was supposed to be the greatest discovery they ever made! It produced all four types of Matter all on it's own, and seemingly without any cross contamination between them!"

"So what is the problem then!?"

"It wasn't pure! None of it was! It appeared pure to all forms of inspection, but artifacts made with the Matter found on Hiddenstar would all prove to be faulty, dangerously so! I only found out about this somewhat recently, but the Master Crown? The Fountain of Dreams? Star Dream?!" Susie flinched at the last name. "All of them were sealed away or taken apart for a reason. The Ancients believed that Hiddenstar wasn't just producing any of the four types of Matter, but perhaps a new fifth type that could appear to be any of the basic four, or change between them. The Master Crown was supposed to be made of pure Soul Matter, but it somehow had Dark Matter at its heart. The Dream Fountain was meant to be pure Dream, but ended up hosting the Nightmare. That place is volatile and unpredictable in a way that we've only seen in Void Termina before, and you will thank me when we get back to Popstar for stopping you here!" A buzz sounded out from Susie's desk as she received a call.

"Hey Boss! We made it! What do you want to name the new planet? I was thinking 'Profittstar!' In the name of glorious-!" The speaker shorted out as Susie placed a few shots of her pistol into it, leaving her and Magolor in stark silence. The seconds dragged on, became minutes, and Susie slowly lowered her pistol and gave Magolor a look that would kill a lesser wizard.

"You know, you could have just said, 'the planet is dangerous, I'll explain later,' and I would have accepted that. As it stands, I am not here to play with Matter I do not understand and the Ark hasn't yet spontaneously imploded, in spite of your best efforts I might add, so I think you are overreacting." And then all the lights clicked off across the Access Ark and the sound of machines losing power and being forcibly shut off filled the metal planet.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha...

"... You hear the laughing too, right Susie?"

"I'm going to kill you if we die. Get in the Starcutter.

The corpse of a god, delivered right to my doorstep. Fortune truly is on my side.

Who are you?! Leave the Ark alone!

Quiet worm, I am busy.

No! Stay away from my daughter! SUSIE!

Star Vision looked between Twilight and Rainbow Dash with confusion clear on his face.

"So... Rarity didn't want to race with Sweetie Belle, so Sweetie Belle decided to do the race with Applejack instead, which resulted in Rarity deciding to do the race with her sister in secret by swapping with Applejack in the first obstacle, which is a mud pit. Rarity, is currently hiding inside of the mud pit waiting for the moment to jump out, and has been for at least ten minutes now." The two mares didn't even turn to look at him as they nodded. "...Okay, but for the record, I could have just made her look like Applejack." He walked away as Twilight cursed under her breath and Rainbow began laughing. Star Vision wasn't even going to mention that Twilight herself probably could have made a good disguise for her friend with the right spell. Instead, he made his way to where he saw Elfilis standing behind the majority of the crowd. "Hey Elfilis, came to watch pretty mares run through mud?"

"...Why do you say it like that? Actually no, nevermind. You would know if you weren't avoiding the house so much but Carina and Vinyl are taking part in the race." Well, that didn't sound very fair to Star.

"The two adult changelings, one as large as an alicorn, are racing in a filly's fundraiser?" Elfilis shrugged and bounce his head side to side in a way that roughly translated to 'eh, sorta.'

"Vinyl I think is only recently going through 'puberty,' so she is technically adolescent, and if you would look just over there..." Star turned his scaled head to see what Elfilis was pointing at and couldn't help but bark out a laugh. A very small pink changeling was currently standing on the head of Swaddle-Dee, doing her best to avoid the attention of the actual children as they asked her a barrage a questions.

"Oh this should be good."

I looked away from Carina as Cherilee trotted her way onto a stage I made earlier and cleared her throat into the microphone to get the crowd's attention.

"Welcome everypony! Thank you for attending this years Sisterhooves Social! I know it's a bit of an odd time, with the Running of the Leaves having been pushed back to later next week," Uh, what? That was the first I was hearing about anything like this. "But despite how crazy Equestria has been recently, it warms my heart to see so many of you show support for our school and our young students. Now, normally I would spend this time reminding you all to donate by buying the confectionaries, but this year I am proud to announce that Donut Joe's donuts are free-" Cherilee stopped and smiled as the ponies gave a round of mildly confused cheering. "... And that is because Princess Celestia has been so generous to cover the Ponyville Schoolhouses expenses for the next five years!" I also started clapping along with the crowds excited stomping. As if Celestia hadn't already remade the whole damn school, she of course went ahead and funded it. Hopefully no one ever took advantage of her generosity. "Now, with all of that out of the way, let the Sisterhooves Social begin! Sisters! Take! Your! Places!"

I slowly clapped my hands for the winners as I leaned down into Star Vision's ear.

"Why was Rarity pretending to be Applejack?" His ear flicked as I whispered into it.

"Pony drama I guess. Rarity was trying to regain her sister's trust."

"...By pretending to be her friend?"

"I don't really get it either. Maybe it's like, 'I'll be there for you even if you don't know it?' I was more focused on the fact that Rarity sat in the mud instead of asking for some magical help." Oh wow, that hadn't even occurred to me. Regardless, I put it in the back of my mind as Swaddle-Dee spotted me in the crowd and sprinted over with mini Carina in his arms, Vinyl Scratch in changeling form slowly following from behind.

"Congrats on second place. You probably could have won if you didn't insist on being even smaller than the other fillies." It was really weird seeing Carina act like herself in a body less than a quarter of her usual size, but it was mostly because it fit too well when she did stuff like stick her tongue out at me.

"It was only fair Elfy! Now come on, all that running made me hungry!" I rolled my eyes as she jumped off of Swaddle and escaped my sight by walking under my legs. Vinyl had made her way over by this point and I took note of how much more tired she seemed compared to Carina. I put my hand on my hips before greeting her.

"I know, carrying Carina everywhere is a tough job."

"I heard that!" Vinyl let out a small laugh at Carina's indignance and I gave her small pat on the shoulder as I started to lead her away. Carina was already about halfway to the portal... home...

"Carina! Stop! That's not my portal!" She had only barely turned around when she was suddenly curled up into my arms as I flew us into the air above the portal. It still almost wasn't enough, as a shining ship with a star on its bow scraped it's way through and smashed into the dirt below. I distantly heard screaming and yelling from the ponies who were still around, and Rainbow Dash had appeared at my side without me noticing at some point, but my focus was entirely on the crashed space-boat as it took a hard turn onto its side and barely avoided smashing into the race track and the ponies escaping to the other side.

"Hey! Elfilis! Dude, what is that!?" I never really answered Rainbow's question, though I knew the answer, because it was at that moment that the Lor-Starcutter opened an exit on it's side. A blue egg shape wearing a hood with peaks on either side, giving a vague cat-like impression, and a familiar set of floating business clothes with pink hair leaped out, magic circles and laser pistols in their hands as if they were preparing for battle.

As it happened, the crowd of ponies just stared at the two of them in fear and awe as both sides waited for the other to do something. Magolor dropped his hands and his magic disappeared into motes of light as he studied his surroundings.

"Actually, this place looks pretty nice Susie." And then a laser pistol smashed into the back of his head as Susie began screaming at him.

W̶h̴a̶t̵ ̸h̴a̵p̷p̸e̵n̴e̸d̸ ̵w̷h̶i̴l̵e̸ ̴I̵ ̵w̷a̵s̶n̴'̸t̷ ̸w̵a̴t̴c̷h̷i̷n̸g̶?̸!̶

And then Princess Celestia landed and cratered/scorched the ground around her hooves, which was just the final straw for my sanity. Why is everything going to shit so often?!

Author's Note

Hey, would you look at that? Susie isn't here to commit atrocities.

Too bad the universe decided otherwise.

Thinking about posting this story on some other websites, but I'm also coming to realize that Fimfiction is fantastically well put together compared to a lot tof the other popular websites out there. Reformatting is certainly going to be a future pain.