Sushi! Sushi! Sushi!

Somewhere...

Somewhere high up in the remote, lush, forested mountains of central Honshu...

...there rested an antique wooden inari shrine, flanked by kitsune statues, shadowed by cedar, pine, and sakura trees. An array of red torii gates stood majestically above crooked stone steps that slithered their way down into a verdant plateau of dense vegetation.

Early in the morning—while there was still no person to be seen—a magical wind picked up out of nowhere. Leaves blew in a wild twirling motion across the exposed stonework of the shrine. Then—with a hazy gray aura—a random door to a rickety shack flanking the kitsune statues glowed white-and-blue. The otherworldly light took on a solid outline, and in a blinding flash the space between the edges of the door filled with bright luminescence. The wooden framework unveiled an urban snapshot: Shibuya Crossing, filled with debris and bullet shells and spilled jewelry.

Sonata Dusk's voice filtered through, kissing the trees that dotted that sacred mountain: “Sushi sushi sushi.”

Just a heartbeat and a half later—

Fwoooooossssh!!!

—the hulking body of Shinji Kazan came flying through the portal, followed immediately by the flailing figures of Adagio Dazzle and Aria Blaze.

“Hrnnngh!!!'

“Aaaaaagh!!”

Wrestling, the sirens and their prey—WHAM!—slammed hard against the stone summit of the shrine and went rolling down the winding stone steps, pinballing awkwardly between the inner posts of the torii gates. Thw-Thw-Thwump!!!

Sonata Dusk emerged behind them, held her breath, and clapped her hands together.

Thwoooosh!!! The door to the shack behind her rippled like a blown-out candle, and the vision of downtown Tokyo vanished entirely, replaced once again with an antique wooden door.

Meters below—Wh-Wh-Whump!! Aria Blaze and Adagio Dazzle rolled to a stop, anchoring themselves against crooked roots of cedars that flanked the stone steps.

“Grgghh! Sona!!!” Aria gnashed her teeth as she shouted up the summit. “Couldn't you have chosen a soft snowy hillside in Hokkaido?!?”

“It's summer, fart-face!” Sonata Dusk frowned, scampering down the steep steps to catch up with the two. “So sue me if the northern hemisphere doesn't give a crap about your feelings—” A blob of lava flew up the mountainside, exploding just before her feet. “AAACKIES!!” She went sailing sideways, smacking against two tree trunks before collapsing against a swath of bamboo shoots.

“Awwww crap—” Aria Blaze spun around, fists raised—WHAPPP!!!—a tentacle of pure water uppercutted her. She went toppling backwards, landing awkwardly draped over the top beam of a torii gate. “Hrnngff!”

Adagio gasped. She clutched the patch of shadow still hovering at her throat as she stood up and spun to face the angry figure standing a few meters below them.

“You... … …!” Shinji Kazan flexed his muscles, one half of him burning and the other spitting steam into the crisp mountain air. “You insufferable vixens...” He shook his head, as if trying to loosen cobwebs from his skull. The rose-tinted glow in his eyes was rapidly vanishing, and a curtain of sweat covered his freshly-bruised torso with an angry sheen. “...just what did you do to me??”

“Unnngh...” Sonata could be heard moaning.

“Did he just...” Aria Blaze winced, squinting down from where she draped limply over the gate. “...call us 'vixens?'”

“Don't you know who I am?!?” Kazan's stone-hard muscles rippled as he marched menacingly upwards, his thick shadow already looming over Adagio's figure. “Do you have any idea what I've sacrificed to become what I am?!?” Razor sharp teeth glinted in the light bleeding through the many-many treetops. “I've traveled a distance so great that it would crush your feeble feminine minds to comprehend it—” He froze suddenly, his monstrous frame wilting under a frightened expression. A gold light reflected off his eyes.

Adagio, still mute, grasped the monkey paw totem under her neck. All fingers were pointing at the living quirk-concoction that was confronting her. Inhaling deeply, she bequeathed the target a knowing frown.

“No... don't tell me...” Shinji Kazan took a step or two backwards, shrinking visibly. “Sarumaru...?” His eyes twitched. “You freaks... … …” Sweat drops formed, only to turn to steam from the heat of his lava quirk. “... … …you came to c-collect?!?”

“Mrmmmf!” Aria Blaze dropped down, tossed her helmet off, and struck a full-fisted fighting stance beside Adagio. “That's right, asshole.” Her twin pigtails came to a rest behind her stalwart figure. “We can either do this the easy way or—” SPLOOOOSH!!! A tentacle of water slammed her once again into the treeline behind. “Goddammit!!!”

Adagio gasped, backflipping to dodge a froth of burning liquid being launched in her direction.

“Raaaaaaugh!!!” Kazan marched brazenly up the mountain steps, his eyes burning with anger and hatred. “I will burn through this entire archipelago with the wrath of a million earthquakes before I even think of turning myself in!!!” Anchoring his legs to the hillside with a wide stance, he slapped both limbs together and aimed the resulting mad-burst of steam straight up at the three girls. “STEAMINGGGGGG WICKED WRATTTTTTTTH!!!”

PHWOOOOOOOOOOOMBBB!!!

Adagio braced herself, arms crossed in a desperate attempt to weather the blow. The hot wave of steam blew her back up the mountain—her body smacking through loose branches and shoots of bamboo. At last, her body smacked into a gate and fell straight down to a stone platform below. “!!!” She lurched down on all fours, her helmet rolling loose. Sweating and heaving, she looked up through a disheveled fountain of frizzy-orange hair.

Through a mess of blown leaves and twirling dust, she made out the thick figure of Shinji Kazan marching towards her, trailing steam and flame through the dense woods of the mountain.

“I was blessed with these quirks to dispense righteous justice!!!” His shark-like teeth clacked together in the hazy air. “I do not deserve to be HOUNDED by criminal piss hounds like you!!!”

“Yuck it up, sunshine...” Aria Blaze crawled painfully back up to her feet. “Sonata!” She shouted across the granite steps. “Now would be a good time to summon something badass to kick this punk in the groin!”

“On it!” Sonata Dusk ripped her helmet off, tossed her hair back, and belched high into the steam-stained air: “Bruhhhhhhhhhh!!!”

A blue glob of mist lifted above her, coagulated in mid-air, and—GLORP!!!—landed awkwardly before her, materializing as a four-foot wood elf in green forest gear with a matching cap.

“Hiyaaaaaaaaa!!!” a pre-pubescent icon of video gaming twirled a sword while brandishing a blue-and-gold shield. Schiiiiiiing!!!

“The fuck...?!?” Aria Blaze gawked at the figure, then spat in Sonata's direction. “Really?! Kid Link?!”

“What about him?”

“Like—couldn't you have summoned the badass adult version from Twilight Princess or some shit—?!?”

“Hey!” Sonata Dusk frowned, waving her mostly-empty snack bag. “I'm running on fumes here! He's the biggest I could get!”

“Yeah—let's summon an army of shotas to take on a Rob Liefeld reject! That'll go over well!” Aria waved a hand at Adagio. “Like we weren't already stuck with a mute!”

“Oh ye of little faith!” Sonata Dusk leaned over to squeeze Link's shoulders with a motherly smirk. “Watch the Savior of Hyrule save the day in courageous fashion!” She slapped the Hylian's posterior and urged him into battle. “Go get 'em, fairy boy!”

“Yaaaaaaaaaaaa—!” Link ran full-speed towards Kazan, deku sword swinging—

WHAM!!! All it took was one flaming uppercut and the elf child went airborne.

“Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaughhhh!” The Hylian flew into the neighboring treetops in a green blur.

Sonata Dusk winced, her siren features drooping. “Shoot... shoulda stocked up on more heart pieces.”

“I'll bring an end to your putrid lives!!!” Kazan stormed full-speed up the steps, charging the three.

“Dagi!!” Sweating, Aria Blaze flung the eldest a stern look. “I know your Number Two is a wildcard—but quit holding back! It's now or nev—”

PHWOOOMBBB!!! A stream of lava rippled between them from Kazan's latest volley. The earth split open, rippled, and exploded skyward with burning chunks of debris.

“Fuckin' helllll—!!” Aria went flying in one direction.

“!!!” Adagio soared in the other. Before she could topple upside-down again, she managed to grasp onto a horizontal tree-branch, swing upright, and flip earthwards before landing in a nimble squat. Clenching her teeth, the mute siren looked up at the fresh plumes of smoke.

“Ari! Dagi!” Sonata's voice called from a higher mountain perch. “You guys roasted to a crisp??” She sniffed the air. “Or is that just the bamboo I smell cooking?!?”

“Dammit! Eveything's going to shit!” Aria Blaze hissed and spat, rubbing her bruised chin as she stood up. “We gotta—...” With wide eyes, she blinked down the mountainside. Her eyes reflected a bright clearing in the forest. “Hold up! I'll be back!”

“Where in the Ronald McFuckald are you going?!?” Sonata shrieked, crouching low on a stone outcropping.

“Just keep him busy!” As Aria sprinted swiftly down the incline, she pointed up at the other two. “We're getting paid for this fucking gig one way or another!”

“Hrmmmfff...” Sonata crawled on all fours across the ash-laden mountaintop like a mudfish. “Why does she get to exercise her 'Cowardly Card?'” She reached the ragdoll body of her collapsed Nintendo summon. “Hey! Fairy boy!” She poked Link several times in the cheek. “Quick! Gotta aggro some more!” A blink—and her eyes rolled. “Oh, for sushi's sake... BRUHHH!” She belched into the air above him.

A tiny sphere of blue mist orbited the Hylian's head, then morphed into a bright little fairy. The fantasy creature dissolved into sparkling energy, accompanied by the sound of twinkling cymbals. After the resurrection spell was absorbed into his body, Link's eyes fluttered open—then widened as he was hoisted up by the collar of his Kokiri tunic via Sonata's wrist.

“Hey Shit Kazan!!” Sonata barked, spinning twice and flinging the Hero of Time downhill like an adolescent missile. “It's dangerous to be you! Take this!!”

“Yiaaaaaaaaaaaaaugh—!” Link hollered for the extent of his goofy Battle Royale dive.

“Nani—?!?” Kazan looked up—then got a face full of boi. “Ooomf!”

Young Link perched on his shoulders and—Clank! Clank! Clank!—repeatedly stabbed into Kazan's rock-hard skull with his blade. “Raaugh! Yaaugh! Haaagh!”

“Get off me—you disgusting little gremlin!!!” Shinji Kazan flailed, swinging arms of water and flame in opposite directions.

Adagio Dazzle—meanwhile—was running circles around the scene. She hopped, skipped, and jumped over errant elemental projectiles landing all across the mountain. Finally—after a brilliant cartwheel maneuver—she twirled past a ribbon of burning rock and perched nimbly atop a stone lantern. Holding her breath, she struck a pose, palms pressed against one another and pointed fingers touching.

“Yeah, Dagi!” Sonata pumped a fist from the other side of the stone path. “Charge up and let him have it—!!” A shrieking, airborne Hylian flew into her torso, shield-first. “FAPPO!!” The siren and her conjuration crashed wildly into a wall of bamboo beside the trail.

“YOU.” Kazan spun, facing squarely across the trail from the well-poised Adagio. “You're the leader of this motley crew, huh?!” His nostrils trailed steam and smoke. “I'll find the time to feed your burnt meat to your sisters-in-arms once all of this is said and done.”

Adagio merely glared. Her eyes burned with hot violet energy—a light that soon ran in burning waves down from her scalp and towards the furthest strands of her long, long hair.

“Oh. What?!?” Kazan balked, waving his rippling arms at her. “What quirk could Sarumaru have possibly given you that would make you think you're even close to being a match for the great Shinji Kazan—???”

Adagio flattened her palms and aimed both straight out at him. FLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASH!!!! A stream of bright purple energy slammed straight into Kazan's chest like a steel pillar, pressing and pulverizing further so that he was pounded viciously into the mountain's flesh with the force of a thousand atmospheres.

“Mrrrrrrrghh-aaaauggggghhh!!” Kazan swung his arms with helpless futility. Chunks of lava rippled on one side while a boundless curtain of steam kissed the opposite air. Agonizingly—with each passing second—his hulking body was being pressed deeper and deeper into the stone earth, splitting trees and ripping bamboo shoots apart on all sides. The whole mountain shook—all the while Adagio continued her projectile punishment, focusing the beam harder and tighter until it formed cracks across Kazan's stone-hard sternum.

“Yeah, Dagi! You've got this!” Sonata Dusk pumped a fist from where she watched the unfolding debacle. “Burrow him straight to China—er... I mean...” She winced, blushing through an awkward smile. “Push him till he poops out in Texas!”

Despite having the upper hand—if even for what was going longer than a minute—Adagio was visibly nervous. Burning layers of ash kissed her ankles, legs, and thighs. She looked out her twitching peripheral to see that the full length of her hair was being consumed—burning and melting to mere smoke like a dynamite's lit fuse. What was once a full-bodied mane was shrinking up her spine, her shoulder, and soon her neck... burning away with each prolonged heartbeat that she spent unleashing the blast beam into her opponent's body.

“Uhmmm...” Sonata gulped with apprehension, shrinking in her hiding space above the conflagration. “...now would be a verrrrrry good time to knock him out cold, Dagiiiii!”

But Kazan was far from unconscious: “Raaaaaa-aaaaaa-aaaaaaaaugh!!!” He impossibly flexed his muscles against the torturous onslaught, his body forming a human-shaped impression in the breast of the mountain.

At last—Adagio's hair whittled away almost entirely, leaving a feather-thin pixie cut that hugged her delicate head and ears.

Fl-Fl-Flaaaaash!!! The energy being released from her palms flickered, dissipated, and—

Whmp!!

—Adagio collapsed on her hands and knees, panting for breath. “!!!”

Kazan, meanwhile...

“Mrmmmffghh... HAAAA!” He hopped out of the fresh smoking hole with a splash of pebbles and dirt. “Mrmmgh—Ha ha ha ha!!” Beating his hard chest, he marched victoriously towards the collapsed siren. “I thought it was Samson who depended on his hair, eh, Delilah??” He sneered, razor teeth barred. “But no matter. I'll render you like the temple of old.” He brought both elemental hands together, preparing to clap them once again—within just a few centimeters of Adagio's shivering head. “Collapsed. Ruined. Destitute.” His eyes glinted, as if devoid of a dark shadow. “Like whatever contract you three made with Sarumaru.”

Adagio's gaze focused on the bright glimmer in Kazan's eye. She brought a hand to her neck, gasping in realization that the dark shadow had gone.

“Dagi, look out—!” Sonata tried sprinting towards the scene from afar.

Kazan slowly brought his water and lava hands together: “STEAMING. WICKED. WRA—”

Adagio jumped up to her feet and shouted in German:

“... … …!!!” Kazan froze in place—as did his limbs, barely millimeters from touching one another and unleashing his focused attack.

“!!!” Sonata scampered to a stop, gasping at the scene.

Adagio breathed and breathed... feeling a hovering cloud of shadow yet again alighting her neck. Mute once more, she gripped her throat and leaned back, easing both her body and lungs.

Kazan twitched and squirmed in place, despite his body being locked in mid-attack. “Mrmmf... again...???”

“You better believe it, buster~!” Sonata chimed, arms folded.

“Hrnngh...” Shinji Kazan gnashed his pointed teeth, glaring down at Adagio's petite figure. “If... you think... that this... could possibly defeat me...” He spat, fought the quirk, and forced one muscle after another to twitch and come back to life. “...you're sorely mistaken—”

HONKKKK! HONKKKKK!!!

The air roared with thunderous engines—followed by snapping trees and sundered earth.

The ground shook.

Gasping, Sonata and Adagio looked down hill.

Vrmmmmmmm-mmmmmm-mmmmmm!!! Empowered by bright teal energy, a hulking semi truck engine barreled its way up the mountainside, snapping through trees and bushes and bamboo like they were twigs. Aria Blaze straddled the driver's side footboard, her twin pigtails rippling in the wind.

“... … ...” Kazan blinked down at the vehicular missile roaring his way. “That on the other hand... just might do it.”

“Hey fuckwad! Uber's here!!!” Aria Blaze spat, backflipping wildly off the chassis with both middle fingers shooting his way. “Destination—your beehole!!!”

Screeeeeech—POWWWW!!! The truck slammed into Kazan's body like a comet, exploding upon impact. Adagio and Sonata dove wildly in opposite directions as a plume of fire consumed what was left of the stone steps and sent shockwaves echoing all across the mountain range. Flocks of birds soared for the heavens and countless tree canopies waved outward in all directions. There were several more explosive sounds—each thud more reverberating than the last—and the three sirens recovered from their wild leaps to see Shinji Kazan's battered husk of a body rolling to a stop several meters below.

Then lying limp and unconscious. His liquid and lava limbs returned to flesh, and the stone hardening of his body softened to show an array of fresh blue bruises.

“Whew...” Aria Blaze fanned herself—then resorted to rippppping her lycra top open, exposing midriff and more than a modicum of bosom. “Fukkin' A...” She rested against a tree, whipping out a cigarette and lighting it. “Hmmmff...” A puff or two of the cigarette, and she flicked ashes towards the beaten target beyond the cliff. “Sorry it took so long. Had to run a full hike to reach the truck stop below.”

“I think just a milk truck would have done the job,” Sonata muttered.

“Oh. I'm sorry.” Aria Blaze blew smoke, frowning at her sibling. “How 'bout we un-Al-Qaeda his ass and see how fast you would pull that shit out of a magic hat?!?”

“I'm just trying to be constructive.” Sonata rolled her eyes. “Jesus-Pizzas.”

Sonata pointed the cigarette at Adagio. “She still Silent Bobbing?”

Adagio winced, grasping her throat. She nodded her short head of hair.

Aria smirked. “Nice job, Tinkerbell. But you gotta find out a way to stretch your Number Two out longer.”

“You should have seen her blast him super hard into the mountainside earlier!” Sonata beamed. “Pewwwwwwwwwwww-Kaboooom! It was killer~!”

“Yeah, well, I'd only be impressed if she bored him a hole all the way to China.”

“Texas.”

“Whatever.” Aria flicked the cigarette down to what remained of the stone floor and grinded it to inert bits. “Come on.” She hopped down the cliffside and slid towards their knocked-out prey. “The mutant incel won't handcuff himself~”

“Wait for me!” Sonata scampered after her. “I love handcuffing!!”

“No, you love picking up knocked out opponents and playing with them like a cat!”

“But it's so fuuuuuuun! And the clips I get from our replays garner tons of hits on Reddit!”

“But the sooner you frag 'em, the sooner we can loot more ammo and shield potions!”

“But just imagine the looks on their boyfriends' faces when they see us all emoting around the soon-to-be corpse!”

“Why do you always insist that every enemy Fortnite squad is comprised of gay boyfriends? They're kids, Sonata. Dumb... stupid... snot-nosed brats.”

“If the game's made for kids, then why's there Eminem music? And John Wick? And that one dude who murdered a million people at Astroworld Festival?”

“Okay, first off, I don't think you get to talk so much smack when you suck such big balls at the game.”

“I don't suck! I just... flounder sexily towards victory!”

“Yeah—'cuz Dagi and I have to carry you.”

“You'll carry my tits, betch.”

“Dolphin-humper.”

“Only that one tiiiiiiime!!”

As Sonata and Aria made their way towards the fallen Kazan, Adagio Dazzle followed behind at a leisurely distance. She took a deep breath... ultimately exhaling through a rosy smile. She glanced down at her neck—past the temporary dark cloud hovering near her throat—and saw the monkey paw totem glimmering with gold light. She clasped it in one palm, then ran her other hand casually over her pixie short hair...

...before joining the other two in properly binding the limbs of their target.