Stone and Secrets

It's a beautiful day for a walk in the castle gardens. The sun is shining, the flowers are in bloom, and it's good for her to get out of the castle, even if it's still on the castle grounds.

And these gardens are the most lush and beautiful I've ever seen. Trees too old for me to guess at, and too varied for me to name stretch up in different places, hanging over various bushes and an incredible array of flowers. Everything is neatly organized and kept tidy, with stone paths leading all through the various hedges and canopies. I could enjoy walking here for a very long time, especially if I'm with someone like the Princess.

She doesn't look as relaxed as she should be, though.

Being a ruler is a heavy responsibility, and I think she needs to take that weight off of her shoulders for a bit. She thinks she doesn't, but thankfully, I won that argument.

Maybe I didn't really win it in the end, though, because there's still a weight hanging on her. She smiles at me, but there's something missing in her eyes. We chat, of course, but there's something empty about it, and there's more silence than speaking.

She has that look, like someone who keeps trying to be happy but isn't succeeding at it.

It's painful just to look at.

"Celestia, what's wrong?"

A more sincere-looking smile appears on her face, but it's not going to fool me. "What do you mean?"

Apparently she didn't notice that I forgot her title, which is probably an indicator that she's more absorbed in it than she realizes.

I hmm and haw, trying to look as if I can't find words. Really, I'm figuring out how to approach the issue.

So, let's see...

At this point, I have a few options. I can ignore it, which will let the problem fester, and get her to keep wearing a mask that part of her is probably dying to take off; I can confront her about it which will mostly make her feel ashamed and give a short and guilty answer; or I can play the game.

So it turns out I have one option. And part of her really wants me to take that option, even if she won't admit it. I know her cover isn't everything it could be, and that means something, but she's not entirely willing to open up completely right away. I think lighthearted explanation of my concern might be a good place to start.

Time to break the long silence.

"Well, normally you're full of interesting things to say, but today you're so quiet. And I can see how you're only smiling when you think I'm looking."

Well, that wasn't as lighthearted as I would've liked.

She's starting to look a bit anxious, and almost sort of guilty. That's not a good reaction. She's also on the verge of saying something, but that something might be her asking me not to pry.

"Please, Celestia? I can't stand seeing you looking like that. Frowns don't suit you; your face is one of those ones that just must have smile on it!"

There's the lightheartedness. I was wondering where it had gone.

She crooks an eyebrow and half-smiles, but it fades away quickly for another look of worry.

She sighs, and gives me this look, like she has a nervous confession to make.

"Shining... do you think I'm a fit ruler?"

Well. That was unexpected.

Must be quite the concern to be coming up like this.

When asked an obvious question, give an obvious answer. "Well of course I do! We all do. I don't think the ponies would follow you the way they do if you weren't. Why are you questioning that? Haven't you been ruling successfully for decades?"

It's interesting how questions slip themselves into places they might not belong.

She looks a bit more distraught, suddenly, and I feel guilty, because I know that last bit of distress was all me. "How do you know that that's why they're loyal to me? What if they just do that because it's the available option?"

I'm tempted to immediately say that that doesn't make sense, but... I guess it could...

She looks away for a moment, then back to me.

"Shining, how well do you know the story of Hearth's Warming?"

Might as well find out where this leads. "A bit better than most ponies."

"What do you remember about the leaders Hurricane, Platinum, and Puddinghead?"

I'm not a fan of rhetorical questions, particularly when it's a planned series of them. But that minor irritation isn't important right now. "Well, just that they were all hateful and selfish in different ways, and that they only changed after the events of Hearth's Warming."

Her gaze drifts downward, and she stops walking. "Shining, that does not begin to cover it. When I was younger, I studied past rulers, hoping to gain insight for the tasks ahead of me. When I reached those three, I found a horrifying record. They were self-absorbed and oppressive, all while maintaining a good outward appearance. That was only a few generations ago, and in the time since, we have softened these stories for foals to hear.

Even so, we keep the fact that their underlying hatred brought abominations onto their land that nearly caused the extinction of our race, all for their own petty hate."

I find myself wondering what relation this bears to her, but I wait a moment, and she speaks up again.

"When I came to rule, the people were skeptical. They knew how the old rulers had been so careless, and how they could keep appearances. In their time, many were afraid that they would fall back to their old ways, and this fear carried on into my time. It carried on into me.

I am terrified at the thought that I might fall into the same traps they did.

My  sister and I rule this land with undisputed power. We could be overcome, even gradually, by the same careless, selfish, accusing attitudes, and who would come to question us? What if it happened so slowly that I did not notice, and I fell into a pattern of keeping a good appearance, and inspiring fear in those who would question me?

Even if Platinum and the others had not changed, they would eventually pass on.

But I am immortal, and far more powerful than they were. i and my sister could cast the entire land into despair, and who would there be to save it?"

Well, that was a mouthful.

"I apologize, Shining. I suppose that was a bit much for me to throw at you just now."

I give her a reassuring smile. "It's not a problem at all. I always like talking to you anyways."

I know there's something comforting to say, but my mind is too occupied with questions to find it. "Princess Celestia, when was the last time you talked about this with someone?"

She looks off to the side, and almost mutters. "Never."

It's weird when a part of you wants to feel pride and another part of you wants to feel pity.  I mean, it's nice that she talked to me, but... she never talked to anyone about this before?

"Why not? I'm sure Luna could understand, if no one else."

She gives me another pained look, but there's a half-smile there this time. She's slow to begin speaking. "Luna is... Luna looks up to me, in some ways, though it's not the same way my subjects do. We both consult the other when we need advice and help, but she looks at me like I'm the one who knows what to do when things go wrong. To so many, I'm the anchor that hold things down.

That's how it's been since I started ruling. Ponies needed something to put faith in, and there I was. And who can put faith in me if I can't put faith in myself?"

"I can. Even if no one else thinks so, I know you're doing the best anyone could ask for."

I love it when things like that just come to me.

She smiles, and even though it's a small smile, it's not hollow like the others.

But there's still a deeper issue to be dealt with here.

"Princess... I know you don't get bothered like this all the time. Did something happen recently?"

Another sigh, and she speaks in matter-of-face tones, as if reading from a dictionary, but there was an undercurrent of defeat.

"Well... it's not anything truly recent. You see, in my position, I obviously have to delegate most of the actual work. One of the ways I do this is by setting up 'initiatives', which are basically plans to solve specific problems. Every year or so, I check on how these initiatives are going. Last week, I did a review of the past ten years.

What I found was... discouraging, to say the least."

She returned to a more expressive way of speaking. "When I started ruling, everything happened so... quickly. Whole towns were erected, famines solved, disasters averted, alliances made... all before my eyes. I saw progress rush like a raging river. And then... the river stopped, and turned into a stagnant pool.

I am told that it keeps moving, and that this is normal. But while it does, How can I watch this go on, watch my ponies go through this, with nothing more than the promise that someday it will change? Here I am, sitting about and enjoying every comfort our world has to offer while people toil and suffer. At times, I feel as if I'm Platinum herself, enjoying lavish living while we are faced with threats of war, disease, lack of education, poverty..."

I suddenly feel queasiness in my head, but I need to stay focused, for her sake.

"You know Celestia, that is exactly why I'm glad this place has an immortal ruler. Because I know that however long it takes, however slowly the future moves, you'll be here to make sure that it still gets here. I know you'll see it through."

Just like I know I probably won't...

I shake the thought from my head. Dwelling on mortality is not something I really want to do at the moment.

I realize I forgot the other part of her concern, but I'm glad I caught it.

She still looks distraught enough to make me worry, but it's getting better, and that's definitely a good thing. Hay, even if I don't get any further, at least I helped somewhat. That's gotta count for something, right?

"Princess, you do know why you get the sort of treatment you do, right?"

I give the question a moment to sink in, but don't give her time to answer. "It's because  you have the most singularly important and difficult job in Equestria. I think you work as hard as anyone. You just don't have anyone to compare to, is all.

Also, being immortal means that even after you make sure all the long, slow processes get done, everypony will still have the same ruler to trust and rely on. I mean, there's always going to be somepony who disagrees and tries to make trouble, but I think if anyone tried to do your job, they'd go crazy in a month."

I notice that she's actually smiling now, as I stop to put on a look of mock-contemplation for a moment. "Except me, but only 'cause I'm already crazy."

She laughs openly at the joke I had expected a chuckle for, and gives me a look of mock-disapproval. I smile at her and raise my eyebrows, suddenly noticing that I feel warm inside.

Still, I should still say one last thing, or else I'll be worried about the loose ends I never tied.

"Princess, we all make mistakes, and we all learn new things if we try. I'm sure it's not easy when you mess up on the kind of scale you deal with, but it's not like somepony else wouldn't make mistakes in the same position."

There's a silence, and she looks like she's weighing my words, so I give her a moment to do so. "Princess, did all that make sense to you?"

She crooks an eyebrow and smirks at me. "I suppose it would have to. You really are quite persuasive when you want to be."

For some reason, that compliment seems to be one of the most reassuring I've ever heard. I smile back at her, and we continue on our walk, with nothing else needing to be said.

"Oh, and you can just call me Celestia from now on."

That still didn't necessarily need to be said, per se, but you won't see me complaining.

And I suppose I'll need to make one other exception for something else that just now occurred to me.

"Well, Celestia, I do have one other thing I could possibly help you with." She gives me a mostly relaxed look of full attention during the brief pause. "You were saying about how there's poverty and lack of education? Well, I'm not a politician, but I think I just might now something you could do to speed it up a little..."