I bet you're thinking that I should make these chapters longer and get to the good parts, well sorry to disappoint but this is my story and I have been repressed at my ssssshhhhhhh- Gah! Fine, my crap job so I am going to tell this story any way I like it. Anyway, After getting the blessing, and many other things from eating the dragon bones, I set off to explore, conquer, and devour. First I ran into a spider and a snake, common low-level monsters that were no match for a quick little guy like me. After getting the sense of sight through magic, I've been able to learn on how to conjure up water blades by gathering the moisture in the air, because it's an easier type of magic that I can use for my species, and served some slicing and dicing on some dinner, seeing them fall apart into pieces of meat and bone made me salivate in hunger... At least I think. "Hehe, you'd think that I would be disgusted by all these monster guts. CHOMP! Gulp! Even though I don't have a tongue anymore, it would almost taste like greasy hamburgers." That's because if prepared properly, ground meat would be suitable for human consumption. "The culinary expert everyone, if I want to ask for a snake and spider burger I'll ask you for one." By the way, you gained the abilities silk spinner and venom spit. After taking a look at both, I decided to save them for later, I'm not much of a ninja, more like a samurai that uses large knives.

I explored further into the cave only to run into a rock centipede, to which I can only smile to myself and laugh... On the inside. "OHOHOhohohohoho! Buddy this is not your day! Silk spinner!" I bounced all over the place as I shot the silk strands of slices, thin as a thread but hard as metal! I think I make a better slime than my ancestor! Careful master, pride comes first before the fall. He had to be right, because even though the Bucking Bug was chopped into pieces, it can survive without a body as its head was coming straight for me. "Stubborn little crap ain't ya, you do realize that's plagiarism you're doing! CHOMP!" I ate that thing like an apple dumpling without hesitation... I probably need a psychiatrist when I get to the nearest town. Eating a bug nonchalantly is no way normal I cooked the rest with my fire-breathing ability and ate it up just in case.

Passive Ability acquired, Stubborn immortal... Skill Devoured by regeneration to evolve into instant regeneration. "Devoured? That's new, usually things like don't happen that unless I'm at a higher level. Did I level up or something? Ah whatever, need to find a monster Bat so that I can talk normally." But master, are you not communicating regularly? "I meant with an actual voice, hate to say it but I miss making casual conversation with People."

As a matter of fact, I was feeling a little desperate for an actual conversation, and let me tell you I was combing every place and chamber the cave had to offer, I could have appreciated starting off from level zero, but I could have been given a warning that I was going to die and come back as a customized slime. Ah the past is the past now. When we did finally found a bat monster, the sound it produced was so irritatingly loud I thought I was going to shake apart or melt like jello from sitting out for too long. So I thought to myself Time to shut this Bat the buck up! before attacking it with a triple-whammy combo. The wings were the first to go with the venom spit, his feet and body were immobilized by the silk spinner ability, and then to finally finish it off, "OFF WITH YOUR HEAD!" SHWING, SPLASH! Eh? Eh? See what I did there? ... Okay I slashed the head with the water blade.

"Finally, time to eat. CHOMP!" You know how I said that the monsters tastes like greasy and juicy hamburgers? Well this one tasted like a bacon-wrapped burger even though I never had that kind in my life, guess it's because of how satisfying it is to gain its ability to make sounds, use radar and echolocation to detect any living thing, or map out an area without the need to use up any magic. Buuuut most importantly. "YYYYYAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN FINALLY BUCKING TALK- Oop Too loud. (Ahem) I always wanted to say this, take me to your leader! Hehehehehahaha! ... Say, Sage, can I adjust the voice modulation so that I don't sound like a bucking chipmunk?

Processing... It is possible but you will have to master your voice for a few years. "Well that's just bucking great- No, no. I can't be picky, I am very grateful that I am able to talk again, no time like the present to practice and get my voice back Let's find our way out of here now. A B C, D comes after but is before E..." I essentially talked as I used Echo location to find a way out of this ravine and came upon the way out of this figurative Tartarus hole... I've really got to get that language filter off me. Oop, forgot the side note, I've been using the quotations earlier because grammar suggests that I can't just be talking to Sage without people knowing so shut up about it.

Okay, I've got the place committed to memory thanks to Sage's awesome programming skill, still jealous of it, and revisited the place where I was making some mana potions. What? I felt a little light after fighting 3 giant monsters, they may have been easy to merc but a guy still needs to replenish his supplies. I ate almost all of the flowers and herbs but I left enough for the flora to repopulate. "I may yet return flowery subjects to finish the job, so enjoy your reprive... For now. Muwahahahahaha!" Yeah I know that sounded more menacing than I thought, but you have to admit that it was a good line, besides I was well on my way to becoming a lecherous demon lord so why not take a few liberties? Anyway, after that tidbit and a grueling and tedious search, finally found a way out of this gods forsaken ditch before going through an opening... What I didn't expect was that I would be looking on an outside of a mountain range onto something so familiar while on a mountain ledge. "What? ...What!? ... WHAAAAAAAAT!?" The familiarity was not lost on me as I recognized the cartoon reality's art style. "I'm in a bucking my little Pony Cartoon!?" Did I happen to mention I used to be a Brony?

Master, do please calm down. "Calm down, CALM DOWN!? I'm in one of the most dangerous realities in this side of the bucking existence!" That does not seem to match up with my data I collected from your memories. "Let me put it to you this way, demons, sorcerers, magical and dangerous creatures, shape-shifting reality bending gods, minotaurs, dangerous forest full of zombie stick puppers and cockatrice, hydras! Plus Unicorns, Pegasi, and ultra strong equestrians. Any of this getting through to you? Ah, I now see your point. "I'm glad you finally realize a reality like this can be a death trap, especially with the... Wait, the carbon dating like this is all wrong, the Everfree Forest is supposed to be bigger than it is and that castle... Is supposed to be in ruins and moved up to the mountains. Oh crab baskets I think I know when we are." I have concluded the same speculation, we are about 1000 years too early.

"Just. My. Bucking. Luck." A thousand years ahead of schedule and it only took me a few weeks to get out of there, can you believe that? I mean there was a point in my life when I wanted to come to this world but I had no way of surviving it without at least an understanding of magic back then so I had to abandon the thought, but now that I'm here... Well I was still terrified but at least now I have what I need to defend myself. I made my way down the mountain, hopping from ledge to ledge and siding down a flat surface at one time, before reaching the bottom by the edge of the forest... the hard way. "OOF! Good thing the pain nullifier is in action or I would be writhing in pain right about now. Wait, before I go any further, I need to make a plan here. Usually that's for my friend Jason/DM of DND, to make but he's not here. I hope that Jason destroyed that hardware, don't want to give my folks a heart attack." Maybe I can make a plan for you. "Go right ahead I'm all ears... Not literally." We simply wait for the years to pass. "huh?" It is simple, we simply find a safe place go to, make sure we have plenty of protection and spell wards, and we simply wait for a thousand years to pass so that we can arrive at the desired time and date. "You speak as though we are to travel through time." Is that not what we want to do? "Ai, I suppose you have a point, but it's not really what I had in mind. We'll need some minions to watch over my body.

With that thought in mind, I mindlessly bounded along the Everfree forest not worrying about my surroundings like a careless idiot in search of a worthy home until I noticed something hunting me. "Shoot, just forgot adventuring 101, always check your six stupid." I expanded my magic sense and used my echolocation to see that I totally got surrounded by the wooden figures. Ah crab baskets, Timberwolves, literal Timberwolves. I got ready to fight but something felt off, their stats were formidable but their battle sense was giving off vibes of noobs judging by their levels. They finally came out of the foliage and I managed to easily dodge the swipe and I got a good look at my attacker. "Oh you gotta be kidding me, I'm fighting puppies!?" At that moment when I opened my mouth, the rest of them showed themselves, 20 Timberpuppies in all. Each of them trying to look ferocious to hide their fear. I can easily dodge them for as long as I needed as I can't get tired but I can't let this pitiful display go on like this Sooooo... Hey I didn't hit them that hard, I may be a slime but I'm not an emotionless monster. After a bit of thinking I decided not blame these pups as they are only defending their territory, but I smacked them away to get them to stop their senseless attacks. "That is enough! No more attacks, you may have strength but you do not have the focus to use it!" I was using my speak with animals skill to get the point across though the sheer volume of my voice may have made them quiver in fear as it got their attention. The leader of the wooden puppy pack stepped forward to speak.

"Why are you here? If it's to take us on and take over, we'll fight to our last flame monster!" "Monster!?" I yelled very appalled at the assumption of being a monster, but they're not kidding, thanks to my magic sense they have a sort of magical fire to keep them alive. "What's with the name calling huh!? I don't call you such insults as that, how would you like it if I called you whelps or match sticks!?" "We..." They were really shaking like wooden wind chimes. "We only said so because of your presence" I was a bit shocked at what they said and I just remembered something. Hey Sage, is my... my fly way open? In other words my aura affecting my surroundings? Analyzing... I'm affraid so. Crap, pull it back in, pull it back in, PULL IT BACK IN! Stand by. As that happens, I could feel the tension on my body increase as my aura gets sucked back into my body, do not take that out of context. "There, that better?"

The wooden pups finally calmed down and stopped shaking... mostly. "Yes, but still what is a... Slime such as yourself doing here? Are you a... God in disguise?" I just put on a smug look, or as much as my blank face would allow before speaking in a much lowered volume. "I was just passing through looking for a place to hibernate for a thousand years, I only had arrived way too early. I can only say that I am on my way to be stronger as a demon lord, but that is not the reason I am here, I made a vow to hunt down any potential mate material and give them a ride of their life!" That statement made a few of them shake again and take a few steps back. "Oh no no, not you guys, not into wood." They relaxed again but they looked to each other as if they are having a conversation on fast forward. "We... may have a need for assistance from a slime with your caliber." If I still had eyebrows One of them would be up a mile long? "Really, what would be in it for me?" "... Anything you would desire. We'll even call you master if you wish, but please help us." Well if that is the case, I'm gonna need to take advantage of this opportunity. "Very well, then I want to have the chance to name you guys and train you to become stronger. Now what is the problem?" If the pups were able to express anything, it would be of concern of whether or not they made a right decision. "We... have an infestation of mushrooms"

That left me flabbergasted. "What, Mushrooms? You bucking with me?" And that is enough for now.

Author's Note

Okay whoever said that writing is easy is BULLSHITTING!