This Secret Life of Mine

The journey back wasn’t too bad, I was thankful for Frost for letting me use his place. It didn’t take me long to cleaned up and get changed in to my male clothes.

The night was cool, and it helped me to relax after my earlier encounter with Mom. The dimly lit streets were practically empty outside from a few ponies making their way back from most likely was their jobs.

I caught a quick glance at my reflection and sighed…

“Damn it, I could have sworn I did my mane properly before I went into work.” I muttered, “I hate having it this short.” I fussed with my hair a bit, before I resumed my journey back home.

I hated my reflection sometimes, I looked back at it and frowned. Everything about what I was seeing was most definitely male, but on the inside…

“I need to take a sit down. “ I muttered, “C’mon Sapphire…get your head together, I know you’re a mare but you’ve got to bear with this. Mom’s gonna kill you if she finds out.”

This wasn’t the first time I felt like this, and most likely wouldn’t be the last time I would either. I sighed, rubbing my forehead. It’s complicated to explain to someone else, but from time to time I would think of myself as being a mare and I’ll get uncomfortable seeing myself or being reminded I was a stallion.

“C’mon Sapphire, Mom’s gonna worry if you’re any later.” I got up and continued heading back.

“Silent are you okay?” I wondered, looking at my son. He just seemed so tired and well mentally drained. “By the stars you look like you’re about to keel over!”

“Just a stressful day at class and work.” He said simply.

He just gave me a small smile, despite how tired he looks. I told him to get into the shower and then off to bed. Celestia help me, he’s been running himself ragged again.

He nodded, and made his way to the shower. As soon as he locked the door, I sighed.

“There’s that smell of perfume again…” I muttered, “Has he been seeing that mare again? No that couldn’t right, he didn’t reek of sex as well this time.”

I must have been over thinking things, there’s no way he was with another mare. Plus there’s the fact he looked like he’s close to having a panic attack. The only other time I’ve seen him like that was when I caught him indulging in one of his more…feminine habits.

It wasn’t much but when he thought no one was looking he would slip into acting like a mare. Body language, softer voice when speaking and I’ve even caught him wrapping the towel around himself like a mare would.

He’s a terrible liar too, I knew the bathroom products were his. I had to stop myself from laughing when he said they belonged to Ruby. He got so mad when she started using them.

“Phew much better…” I sighed, the shower water against my body felt nice, “…” I looked down, then back towards the door…I could…if only for a little bit…

It was a risky idea, but it would help me relax and get rid of that…uncomfortable feeling that’s been bothering me on the way back home. Weighing the risks I decided it was worth it and soon enough I began to silently cast the spells needed to make the change.

“Much better…” I muttered, and continued my shower in relative piece. I didn’t mind being a guy despite those feeling bothering me from time to time, but if I had to be honest I was drawn more to my female form.

I soaped up my rather large breasts, and let out a soft moan. Yeah if somepony knew about this they’d probably think I’m a pervert for doing this.

The spells themselves weren’t that hard to learn, they just needed a fine level of control to make all the changes…I had to learn a lot about anatomy to make the correct changes. My body like this was fully functional too, so I could get pregnant if I wasn’t careful.

“Thank goodness for contraceptive spells.” I sighed, I dreaded to think what would happen if I got knocked up by Frost.

The spells themselves had their risks of course, one of the drawbacks was I experienced the mental effects of PMS even in my male body. The other two main concerns was learning that if I failed to cast the spell properly or stayed too long in it I would be locked into that form, and if I used the spell too much in one day I’d begin to have those episodes of being uncomfortable in my male body again. Sadly I wish that was just a side effect of the spell…because I know that one is all me, as much as I didn’t like to admit it.

“Son you gonna be much longer in there?” I heard Mom shout from behind the door.

“I’ll be out in a bit!” I replied, using my magic to alter the pitch of my voice to what it was when I’m a stallion. I sighed in contentment as I washed my mane and tail.

“It’ll be another hour before I can cast the spell to change back…” I listened carefully and could hear a slight sound of snoring, “Ah must have fallen asleep, I might just be able to get away with this.”

I wrapped the towel around me and peeked outside the door. I saw there was no one in the living room and from the looks of it the door to the guest bedroom was shut. I snuck out as quietly as I could back to my bedroom. Maybe I could get away with being a mare for the night after all.

Once I got into my bedroom I shut the door and slipped into some clean panties and a loose fitting t-shirt and snuggled into bed hugging my pillow.

The next morning came quickly, and if I remembered correctly my son he didn’t have classes or work today. He’s usually up so early so I thought it was best if I let him sleep in a bit considering how exhausted he looked last night.

I took a moment to survey my son’s apartment, and chuckled.

“I’m amazed he manages to keep this place so clean.” I couldn’t help but laugh, “I had such a hard time telling him to keep his room tidy.” I looked back around, noting the various flowers I’ve seen him routinely take care of, “This place has definitely had a mare’s touch, there’s just no way he’s this organised.”

I looked over at his small collection of books he had on the shelf. It was like before just books and various texts on various forms of magic and enchantments. Mindlessly I took one book out and noticed the cover was loose.

“Huh?” I muttered softly, I peeled back the book cover and saw the actual title of the book. “The Dairy of Winter volume one.” I blinked, then again, rubbing my eyes to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. This had nothing to do with his studies, in fact this was a romance novel. One I was very, very familiar with. I smiled, “Must be a guilty pleasure of his.”

Curious I had a look at the other books on the shelf, turns out my son has the full series. I chuckled, I’ve caught him reading the occasional novel in the past though he said romance novels were too feminine for his tastes.

“My flank they were, I’ve caught him listening in when I put the audio books on.” I giggled, and sighed. I continued looking through the books and while I found a few more romance novels of different series the other books were exactly what he said they were. I even found a few books on anatomy, which I though was odd but then again I’m not a unicorn so magic goes above my head.

I moved over to the contents of the other shelves in the room, maybe I could find some more clues about my elusive son’s life. I didn’t find much a few photos of what I assume were his friends, one was of that cute mare from the cafe I saw when I first arrived.

“I wonder if this was the mare he was telling me about.” While I did want him to settle down with some mare from back home in Ponyville, I wasn’t against the idea of him being with some city mare. It just bothered me he kept this from me. I was a bit old fashioned when it came to relationships, but I never thought my son would be the type to have a casual fling in the hay.

I looked at the other photos, and none of them stood out bar one. It was a picture of a snowy white pegasus and…

“That’s the mare from yesterday.” I stated, “I didn’t know Silent knew her.” The photo itself was nothing special, just of the those two smiling at the camera in a why that clear made it obvious they were a couple. I wondered why he would have a photo like this, but I just shook my head and dismissed it. I just assumed that my son took the photo since I know how camera shy he is.

So why wasn’t he in any of these photos? I wondered. I would have figured he would have been one or two of them at the very least.

“...” I stopped for a moment, and looked back down at the photo I was holding I noticed the mare in the photo, “She does have a certain resemblance to my son…” I was easily missed, unless you had them side by side. The only real difference was the evidence of cutie mark on her hips. I knew for a fact my son hadn’t gotten his yet, he couldn’t figure out why and eventually stopped caring.

From what I could tell the cutie mark on the mare seemed to be some sort of black cog, like you would put in a machine with hints of blue and gold of a shape that was hidden by her clothing.

I looked at the time…10 am. I sighed and went to wake my son up. I lightly knocked on his door, before opening it carefully. I smiled as I heard him snoring softly and mentally laughed how somethings don’t ever change.

I was curled up contently cuddling one of his pillows, much like he used to as a child dressed in what seemed like a loose fitting t-shirt. He had one leg over on the outside of the blanket and was snoring softly as his tail lazily swung back and forth. He had his back to me and when ever his tail would move I caught a glimpse of something on his hips. A hint of black, blue and gold though I couldn’t tell what it was.

“I didn’t realise he finally got his cutie mark…” I muttered to myself, I took a moment to observe my son. Was it just me or did everything about him seem…softer, I shook my head and dismissed the thought.

“Silent it’s time to wake up…” I said giving him a slight nudge.

“Mmm…don’t wanna…” I heard him mutter in a pitch softer than I was used to hearing, “Don’t wanna go to school today…” I had to hold back a laugh, he could be so childish when he wants to be.

“Silent, wake up.” I said a bit more firmly, his response was to just let out another soft moan and hug his pillow tighter in protest. I sighed, it was like this every morning when he was colt. Ah well can’t say I didn’t try…I took a deep breath and…

“SILENT WAKE THE FUCK UP!!” I roared, he let out the most feminine scream I’ve ever heard him yell, followed by a heavy thud of him hitting the floor. “Good now that you’re awake I’ll make us some breakfast.”

I laid there on the floor panicking, after Mom scared the living hell out of me. I waited for her to leave the room before I tried casting the spells need to change me into my male form…and nothing…

I tried again and still nothing…

“Oh no…” I muttered under my breath panicking, “Damn it what time is it!?” I stumbled over to my clock, it read just after 10 am…”Oh no I’m only supposed to be under the effects of the spell for 8 hours before it became permanent.

I had to quickly weigh my options, on hand I could bind my chest and try to fool my Mom which wouldn’t be so difficult if I wasn’t such a bad lair. I couldn’t use magic to alter the pitch of my voice before because my horn glowing would give me away.

The counter spell wouldn’t work because I’m now a mare permanently. I-I had no other options…Mom is gonna freak…I slowly made my way towards the bedroom door and entered the living room, I hugged my pillow tighter and had my eyes hidden by my bangs.

“M-Mom…I-I need to tell you something…”