Extra A/N:
I have been accused of having 'quality writing.' Everyone saw I added a warning in the story description about 'immature humor.' Right?
We'll get back to Silly in Chapter 14.

**On the way to District 6, Southeast, Baltimare Ponice Department**
**001 Summer CC**
**Ponice Chief Inspector, Subtle Hint**

I have a bur in my fur, and her name is The Councilmare Sawn Maiaz.

She's the elected official in charge of law enforcement oversight and who has made it her mission to be the councilmare who is: Sawn Maiaz. It's a foreign name -Farasi, I think. Formerly, Maiaz' position used to be occupied by her mother, The Councilmare Sawlo'ver Maiaz. Sawlo'ver wasn't quite as localized as her filly Sawn Maiaz turned out to be. And she always refers to herself in the third pony, too, 'Maiaz is displeased with this,' or, 'You may praise Maiaz.' Seriously, no pony speaks like that. Who does that?

Focus on something else, Hint. The weather is nice. Right? Breathe the clean air from the Bay before you have to get stressed from Maiaz at work.

My mares and I finally convinced our stallion, Fill Buster, to start foaling again. Last one is about ready to finish her primary school. Key Issues, one of my wives, is planning to bring her to some potential apprenticeships. He's a good stallion, but he can't try more than once or twice a day. No different than any other stallion in that regard. That's just life, and work hours limit that time further. We'll get at least two this coming Foal Season, though.

The actual Season is still a little ways off, but it is important to practice leading up to Harmony's appointed time.

I drew the short straw, however; and have to wait my turn. While it is important to share, my poor seat is noticeably frustrated. Luckily, I can focus on work today down at the precinct. It'll be evening before I know it. Then I get my turn.

3 junior officers, 8 sergeants, 2 detectives, 1 lieutenant, 2 regular clerks with others shared across Baltimare by need, and me -the Chief Inspector. And we would do more with less, if it were up to Maiaz. No, I need to stop thinking about Maiaz and concentrate on the job inside.

**District 6, Southeast, Baltimare Ponice Department**
**Ponice Chief Inspector, Subtle Hint**

The whole place seems busy this morning. Even the ponicemare at the reception desk is occupied with duties. Duty. I wish Maiaz knew more about that. I'd have far fewer issues with the bureaucracy interfering with operations if Maiaz knew more about a ponicemare's duty.

Sometimes it doesn't go by-the-book. Sometimes it gets messy. Real messy like a pig fresh out of the shower... wait. No, that's not right-

"Alright, Miss Long Shot, let me get this straight. Fell Twice jumped once and slipped?" Sergeant Rocky Road is in the process of taking a statement from a mare.

"No," answers the mare, Long Shot, "Jump Once fell twice. The second time, she landed hard by Sunny Slipped who slid down the slippery slope."

"I thought you said Slippery Slope took a trip," the sergeant raises her brow, "Slide Down held up the line, and that Hard Landing was out sick."

"No," Long Shot corrects "Hold Up is on vacation with Nice Trip. Hard Landing went out with Sick Day."

"Okay... well, thank you for your statement," Rocky says, "I think I know how he did it."

"How E. couldn't have done it," the civilian states.

SGT Road asks, "You figure?"

"Yes, officer," says Miss Shot, "Unique Figure and How Easy were with me the whole time."

Rocky Road just stares at her document and slowly answers, "Right... well... uh, thank you for~ helping to clear all that up..."

"Anytime!" And Long Shot happily leaves the station having done her civic duty to report... whatever it was she was trying to report.

"Good morning, Chief," the receptionist greets me.

I won't pretend to know what was going on, but I do know I will read about it when that document gets processed. I think this might be a good anecdote for the councilmare, though, "Good morning, Sergeant Road. Make sure you get that report to me by the end of the day," so that I can get it into Maiaz's in-box by the end of the week. "If not, I have a strong feeling it will chafe Maiaz."

Deeper in to the building, there are other officers taking statements from various ponies for various reasons. I don't like that there are reasons for law enforcement to be so active, but I love to see everypony with something to do. Hard to say which way Maiaz will sit on that issue.

"But why am I here, officer?" A mare asks.

"For drinking," answers Officer Tight Scrutiny.

"Great!" The mare replies. "When do we start?"

An officer, Down Town, comes up to me as I observe the bustling station, "Morning, Chief."

"Morning, Down," I reply.

"It's still morning, Chief," she says but continues, "Detective Seeker's team brought somepony in for questioning. She'll be starting that, soon."

"Oh?" I cannot conceal my smile from hearing about this. Detective Truth Seeker is one of the best ponicemares I've ever had the pleasure to work with. All the frustrations I had with getting to go last with my stallion and all the troubles I was having with Maiaz seem to empty out and melt away.

She nods and hoofs me a folder with some documents about Seeker's case.

Before I can start to turn towards the direction of the Holding Area or the Interrogation Room, a stallion enters this room where the officers' desks and workstations are located.

Donut Steve is visiting the ponice department this morning! Today just keeps getting better and better. If this keeps up, I won't have to think about Maiaz for the rest of the day.

He's the only stallion there right now, and everypony stops to watch him. If a pin were dropped, it would sound like a rampaging flock of snowflakes... wait. No, that's not right-

"Hi, Steve," almost every mare in the station greets him.

Most check their breath, adjust manes and uniforms, and greet him as he hoofs out complimentary donuts and coffee for the ponicemares, innocent civilians, clerks, and the ne'er-do-wells alike.

Somepony whispers, "I'd love to eat his donut."

He hears and replies, "You know, a lot of ponies say that. So I make sure to always have extras," and he gives them some more donuts. They all blush and thank him and stare at his eyes or flanks as he goes about his task.

When he sees me, I greet him and ask, "Morning, Steve, can you leave some in the Observation Room?"

He clarifies, "The one next to Interrogation?" I nod to confirm and he replies, "Can do, Chief."

"Thanks, Steve." I'm going to wait for him to return before going over there. Don't need any rumors of impropriety given my position as Chief Inspector. I have my own stallion to look forward to, after all. The anticipation will make it better. I can look through the case documents while I wait, anyway.

The Interrogation Room is adjacent to the Observation Room. A wide window sits between the two; it's enchanted to let us watch and listen to the Interrogation Room without anypony seeing or hearing us.

In Observation, there is a clerk acting as stenographer, Cursive Lemon. I suppose that's good; I think the other full-time clerk, Punslinger, is busy with other work right now. Lemon is good at what she does but can be a lot if exposed to her in excess.

Sergeant Red Herring and a few of her new mentees: Addles Loss, Long Arm, and Huge Subpoenas.

"You all know why we're here. Right?" I ask. One of the junior officers raises her hoof, and I nod to her, "Addles."

"Somepony was bad?"

I explain to the ponicemares present who do not have experience in these types of procedures, "I won't lie, mares. This one could be beyond bad -downright d@st@rdly." All of them -even my seasoned sergeant- gasp. "A team working a case came across this suspect during their investigation. Two newbies like you three and one of our district's detectives operating a crime scene by the book took this one in. Good old fashioned hoofwork. We need the suspect to talk. So that detective is going to interrogate the suspect, and you are going to watch and learn how it's done. Questions?"

I wish this room was large enough for the entire station to fit in here. I wish my budget could cover the cost of an illusory recording on crystal. Seeker can work perps like a fish can climb a mountain... wait. No, that's not right-

"I have a question, Chief," asks Subpoenas. I nod her to continue. "Were the two newbies who got the suspect..." She trails off and looks to the corner of the room.

Everypony is giving some side-eyes to two other ponies in the room: Cinnamon Light and Trussed Pardon. Pardon is newer than Light, but they both look like they went on a three-day, no-sleep, non-stop, east coast bender. They are snuggled up and leaning on each other; and their uniforms are a mess, manes and coats out of regs, and they can barely keep their eyes open or heads steady.

"What the buck is this?" I can't help but speak up. No pony likes to be the hard flank, but it is also my job to do this. It will help them in the long run. Herring and her team stand at attention as I enter, but the other two just slowly look at the new sounds. "Look at you two. I was hoping some exposure to Detective Seeker would have given you two a sterling example to aim for." They each slowly blink -one eye at a time.

I just shake my head. "Maybe you two need some more training. I am disappointed in you two, but I will have Seeker continue to work you both into better ponicemares than this. I want you to do everything you can to emulate her. Do you understand?"

Neither answer but look like they're just trying to stay awake. Unacceptable. "Don't worry," perhaps a little encouragement is in order, "I'll get Seeker to get you both up to standard if she's got to hold your hooves night and day."

I sigh and look to the window when we hear the sound of a door opening and closing.

Detective Truth Seeker enters the Interrogation Room. Her mane is combed, coat is brushed, and her uniform is crisp.

Silently, she walks up to the interrogation table and loudly sets a very large folder on the desk. Some of the ponies observing flinch at the sound of the document's mass. Seeker is a master at interrogation. She can get into a pony's head like no other. She could get anypony but the princess to admit to wrongdoing, I think.

I say to those in the room, "You mares take notes. You're about to watch ponice poetry."

Seeker quietly sits down at the table where the suspect sits directly opposite -chained to her chair and the table itself. After reading the documents from Down Town, I can understand why. The suspect has some substantial charges, and it's Seeker's job to get some sort of information out of her: the second naughtiest stuffed animal in Baltimare history.

In the pursuit of a very high profile homeless colt case, Seeker and her team witnessed a monkey and a banana. The banana was running around carrying the monkey who was playing a harmonica with her flank. After losing sight of the duo, Seeker found the teddy bear with banana all over her paws and muzzle. Trussed Pardon made her first arrest with this.

Maybe I was too hard on the two. Anypony would have a hard time after witnessing the aftermath of vegicide, but there is still some question as to whether the banana was sentient or not. If it was sentient, then it cannot be owned by somepony. Legally, we would then have to start with the extreme charge of ponicide; and the solicitor might bargain the plea down to mareslaughter. That is if the teddy does not talk or…

Perhaps Seeker can get the teddy bear to talk. If she has any information on the whereabouts of the banana, the monkey, or even the colt, then everypony would happily cut her a deal. Maybe the evidence is just circumstantial. Maybe she was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. But if there is no other evidence, then we'll have no choice but to throw the book at the teddy bear.

The Detective brings a little stick to her horn which lights it. She brings it to her lips mumbling, "-ad week to quit-" something.

One of Sergeant Red Herring's newbies asks, "Are those hay-cigs, Chief? Aren't those illegal?"

"The purchase and sale are," I answer, "but you're allowed to grow and make your own for personal use." I asked Seeker about that earlier in her career. I had to look up the regulatory codes to confirm it, and she was correct. What I wouldn't give to get a puff. "She gives me some for Hearths' Warming every year, but they always seem to vanish."

*Seeker begins to slowly and silently go through the file. Chief praises Seeker. Says the teddy bear will surely crack; he's never seen anypony hold up to the 'Big File' test. They always start talking.

Seeker does not look at the suspect. She merely opens the large file and begins to read. Once in a while, she raises a brow or clicks her tongue.

"You're all paying attention. Right?" I ask, and the ponies watching mumble affirmations. "She's being really quiet right now. The suspect has no idea what she's reading or what she's thinking. The fear of the unknown is bearing down upon her mind like an iceberg traveling across the desert..." Wait. No, that's not right-

"Why do we want the suspect to be afraid, Chief?" Asks Long Arm. "Wouldn't somepony be more likely to cooperate if we were friendly?"

I nod, "Normally, that would be the case. However, this particular individual has been very uncooperative. She hasn't said even one word. Won't even tell us her name."

"But why?" She asks.

I shake my head, "We don't know. It doesn't make any sense. Helping us would only help her; helping us would help the others involved. So she's putting pressure on the suspect psychologically... There is also a foal involved." I cannot tell them the details of the case, but they should know this much.

I can practically hear those mares' eyes watering at the thought of it.

Seeker shakes her head and slides the folder to the side. Placing her forehooves together on the top of the table, she examines her opponent and allows the tension to build for long, agonizing minutes.

Sergeant Herring is whispering encouragements to her team. You are so bucking good, Seeker. You're not even trying to get your fellow ponicemares to confess to anything, and they're feeling your pressure. If I had more of you, I could clean up the entire eastern seaboard.

Truth Seeker breaks the silence by trying to negotiate with the suspect, "You were found with the fruit-meat of a key suspect of interest all over your paws and muzzle. You're looking at a long time in ponice custody. At least 50 years for mareslaughter, but the magistrate may consider you guilty of 1st degree ponicide." Everypony gasps at that. "That's hard time in Tar Tarus."

She maintains her composure. She doesn't flinch. She just lets her words settle over the teddy bear.

"Come on," good cop -by the book!- you are one smooth operator, Seeker, "you're not doing yourself any favors by keeping quiet on this. If we can find that banana belonged to somepony, vegicide would only be a fineable offense: cost of the fruit to cover expenses. That's it." Giving her a way out of the mess she's in. Brilliant.

Seeker waits, but the teddy remains silent. So she starts to turn up the pressure with more questions, "Or maybe it was the monkey who did it, framed you, and ran away? But we need to find it first. Where did you see it? Did you meet last night? Was that the first time you met? Did it say anything? Did it do anything? What of the monkey? Did you see her at all? Did you hear that harmonica?"

What is with this teddy bear? I've never seen a suspect hold up to this kind of pressure before. What if it's a spy? Some operative from another country trained to resist the most strenuous scrutiny?

Without raising her voice, Seeker turns up the intensity just with the tone of her voice, "Who are you trying to protect, anyway? There is not benefit to you if we throw the book at you. You know? There is a lot of space in Tar Tarus. They won't even notice one little teddy bear added to the world's collection of n@sties-"

Some whispers pick up at Seeker's word choice. "They speak like that in Tar Tarus," I try to console the rookies. "She's now trying to shock the suspect into giving something up and will be turning up the intensity."

"-why would you want to go to prison? Do you know What mares will do to a cuddly little bear like you? They'll snuggle you till your seams burst. That's what."

Huge Subpoenas asks in a near panic, "Th- they wouldn't do that, would they?"

"Those n@ughty mares in there have been hug-deprived for only-Celestia-knows how long," Seeker says almost in reply to Huge, "How much of that do you think you could take that before your stuffing starts poking out?" She leans over the table and whispers to the teddy bear, "Or is that what you want? To get passed around like one of the breeding unicorns of old -from back before Princess Celestia came around, before the Unification?"

"How dare-!" Addles begins to express her offense but Sergeant Red Herring grabs her.

"She's just trying to get the suspect to talk -to say anything. She doesn't mean it."

Long Arm asks, "They don't actually act like that in Tar Tarus. Do they, Chief?"

I shrug, "That's where we send the worst of the worst." After a moment, I add, "but I've never actually been there. Maybe they don't." This seems to placate the rookies.

Trussed Pardon and Cinnamon Light don't seem to be that shocked. They're barely reacting to any of this. Maybe those two are tougher than I initially thought?

Truth Seeker gets one of her hay-cigs and offers it to the teddy bear. "These are as good as bits inside the big house. Might be able to keep a mare off your flank with one of these... But just one."

As silence settles over the Interrogation Room, and we can all feel it: the teddy is so close to breaking. She'll talk. Seeker has her on the edge. She just has to tip her over it with one more good push. Then we can track down that banana and monkey, and hopefully they'll be able to tell us what they saw at the scene with that street colt.

I wonder if the Mayor has been putting pressure on Maiaz, and that is why Maiaz is burning to get this all cleaned up.

But some mare pushes her way into the Interrogation Room, "Hold on! This interrogation is not legal."

Seeker turns to her and asks, "And who are you?"

"I'm the appointed public solicitor for my client," points a forehoof at the teddy bear. "My name is Predawn Remissions," holds a hoof for Seeker to bump Or shake, "And you must be the infamous Detective Truth Seeker?"

It is rare for a thestral to be out at this time of day, but I suspect this one was called in special by someone over at Justice. Who does that teddy know? Must be somepony high up and with deep pockets. Daytime is overtime for thestrals.

For a moment, Seeker hesitates. Maintaining eye contact with the well-dressed solicitor, the Detective gently takes her hoof and slowly kisses it. Oh, smooth, Seeker. I see what you're doing.

No pony can think on her hooves quicker than Truth Seeker when she's on a case!

Blushing furiously, Predawn coughs and clears her throat, "Uh... Right," she Regains her bearings and focuses on her client while asking the ponice Officer in the room, "I assume you've read my client the charges?"

Seeker nods -eyes still on the law pony. "Harmony, she's good at her job," I say to myself. With a prodigy's eye, you somehow deduced that Predawn is herdless, and you used that to throw the solicitor off her game enough to stall the legal proceedings and keep making the suspect sweat.

'What if my legal council isn't on my side?' That's what that teddy bear is thinking right now, 'Maybe taking the deal and cooperating isn't such a bad idea.'

Seducing the solicitor in front of her client: I'll have to get that added to the Interrogator's Manual for the section on Last Resorts. Can't have ponies doing this all the time, but these are extreme circumstances with an extreme suspect. I'll have her decorated again for that -and again if it gets us some information from that airtight-lipped bear.

Seeker's a bloody genius. I wish she'd take that teaching transfer I recommended for the Academy. If only all my officers could be like Seeker.

Sighing, I continue telling the rookies, "I never thought that teddy bear would resist every trick in the book. That's never happened before." If we don't get some confession or cooperation from her, Maiaz will have a blow-out.

Seeker says to the teddy's legal council, Predawn Remission, "I'm sure you'd like me out of your mane so that you can do your job with your client. As you know, we will probably be keeping your client while the investigation continues. I think I'm going to go for a walk." And she places one of her business cards on the table for the batpony, "That's got my name and address." Seeker turns and starts to head out of the room, "You can stop by any time of the day," looks over her shoulder and the mare is looking back, "or night."

**Baltimare, Equestria**
**Afternoon, 001 Summer CC**
**Detective Truth Seeker**

Holy buck. Where am I? What is even going on right now?

How long have I been walking? What day is it?

Why am I so~ thirsty? ... My flask is empty. Pony feathers. I'll have to make my way back to my flat -wherever that is. When was the last time I even saw it?

Where was that beautiful thestral, again? Ugh, this was a bad week to quit my sex addiction.

"Hurk!" The world spun for a moment, but it has been spinning for a while now.

"I'm so sorry about that, Miss. I wasn't looking where I was going."

Two or three unicorn stallions with purple manes and light purple-grey coats are all offering a hoof to help me up. Oh? Am I on the ground?

Back on my hooves, most of those stallions seem to have left, but one of them remained.

"I hope you're oh~" He starts to say but seems to freeze on that last word.

"Nah, it's okay. No damage," I say, "Say, you wouldn't know where a mare could get a drink?" That's when I see it: the look in his eyes. I've seen that look before. He knows something. He's guilty of something.

"Well, I do need to get going," he starts.

But I quickly respond with some authority, "Wait." He stops his retreat and looks back at me. "My name is Detective Truth Seeker of the Baltimare Ponice Department."

His eyes widen as I flash my badge. I don't know why, but I feel something deep down: I have a hunch. Yeah~ let's try something.

"D- detective? I- I'm r- really sorry for bumping you, Detective-"

I pull out from one of my coat pockets a small clear bag with a green feather in it. "Have you seen a green pegasus colt or foal recently?"

He freezes, but his irises don't. He shake his head vigorously.

"What's your name?" I ask.

His ears splay back, and he breathes, "Vuh... Violet... Vector..."

Author's Note

Just so we are clear: teddy bears do not talk, and Chief Inspector Subtle Hint has trouble making analogies.

In case anyone was wondering, the worst stuffed animal in Baltimare history is serving four hundred and thirty-three life sentences back-to-back with no opportunity for parole in Tar Tarus. All of the court documents are sealed. I don't even know what kind of stuffed animal it is. Some of the more well-known theories of what happened involve Nightmare Moon, Discord, or the Arimaspi.

The Breeding Unicorns
Before there was an alicorn who's special talent was 'raising the sun,' there was a system where groups of unicorns performed the task. It took a considerable toll on their magic and eventually burned their magical cores out. It did not take very long to realize the Unicorn population was in incredible danger given the time needed to raise foals and train their magic for the Task compared to how quickly they lost their magic from it. So, the unicorns were required to implement a forced breeding policy. Stallions were required to score 'round the clock whether they had anything left in the chamber or not; the conditions were not remotely equane (humane but for equines). This is how unicorns learned that 'death by snu-snu' is a thing that exists; although, they do not use that specific term for it, and this is one of the primary reasons for the stallion shortage specifically from the Unicorn Tribe side of that issue. While they are proud of the sacrifices made to ensure their world's survival, most unicorns who learn of this story are necessarily sorrowful of it which is why it is generally not discussed or studied in-depth. Invoking the term 'breeding unicorn' is akin to suggesting something akin to enforced servitude which directly results in a type of torturous demise.

Mareslaughter - accidental or involuntary actions directly leading to a pony expiring.
Ponicide - actions taken for the explicit purpose of leading a pony to expire.
Vegicide - intentional or unintentional actions which directly lead to the destruction of another pony's produce.

**edit 10/21/24. With the release of Ch. 15.5 and 15.6, I had to retcon the term Tartarus to Tar Tarus, because I remembered Twilight’s first use of the word and liked its alien feel compared to the more human use.