The butterfly effect

... at the last second before opening the door he briefly looked back with tears falling from his eyes and an honest but modest smile indicating heartbreak and said " have a wonderful date, i really say it from the bottom of my heart... knock him dead" and then opened the door looking back as he walked out to calm his mind just briefly exclaiming " i need some air, see you guys later" before exiting.

As the door closed with a *click* the room was filled with silence.

Not one mare dared to say anything, they didnt know what to say, to who or if it would change anything.

After a small silence of a couple of minutes, in wich they gathered their thoughts the first sound was made.

"Well... *sigh* i need to go get ready, i will see you later ladies". Said rarity as she took her tickets from the floor, as well as spike's gift, the former being left in a table next to twilight in her way out.

As she too left the party, an even deeper silence took over. Eventually everyone without saying a word, thinking in their heads just up and left just after exclaiming: "good party, see you guys later"

There however laid forgotten the butterfly from the collar, still in the cider bowl until someone came to look for it.

As spike walked through ponyville with a look that could be only compared to a dead fish, he then went to his favorite soul food restaurant, Pony joes. Man did he need to eat to ease the pain.

*cling* "oh hello, welcome to pony joe's... wait ,spike? Whats wrong?" said joe, the owner.

"Sorry joe but i dont want to talk right now, just please give me food...lots of it." Spike mumbled

.....
....
"Sure, kid" and just like that plate after plate of food was places in front of him, spike eating spoon, after spoon, after spoon, after spoon, after the last one. He devoured each dish, faster and faster Trying to fill the void, trying to numb his pain.

This however needed to end eventually. After his 11th dish no more food could fit in his stomach. No more self medication of oxcitocin was posible. Without uttering a word spike put the money in the table and left. All of this while the clientele and joe watched in concern.

"That kid is going to kill himself someday with all the food he is eating, he should chill out" some randon stallion exclaimed

Pony joe however just said. " he didnt came here to eat though, he came here to numb himself, in any case... i guess yes, he is killing himself in a way".

Everyone pondered on his words, but eventually moved on with their evening.

Spike just walked, and walked and kept walking until the castle was visible. When he entered it, he went directly to his second coping mechanism, as always but this time... it was different.

His second coping mechanism, music. He took a sit in the piano of the library.

Slowly and steady he began to play:

*https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=CReH9Cn8Pqs&feature=share*

After the first minute of playing he just closed his eyes, imagining his self in a mountain, alone, in the middle of nowhere. Only there he imagined straining his physical body himself crying and screaming. Harder, and harder and harder and even harder after each sound of the piano he produced. Because only there could he scream in full without scaring everyone, only there could he cry in solitude, only there could he more vulnerable.... only...in his own mind.

After the melody and his inner purge finished he got up and walked to his room, not noticing the mare behind the door of the library who just watched in silence silently crying for him.

"Spike..." she said, soft sobs reverbated among the castle. Not that spike himself noticed of course, being in his own mind and all.

Finally in his room, he looked at the pictures he had in his stand, of him, of him and his friends, of him and rar-...

"No, i dont want to think about it" he said as he saved the photo frame in a box to not see it for a while.

There, lying in his bed he looked toward the ceilling, holding his rarity plush in front of his face. Looking at it, just looking at it. As tears flowed through his face, he allowed it just this once

Just one moment of weakness, he would forgive himself this once. And so he took the plush in his arms put it next to his heart and hold it to sleep. Softly crying in silence until he finally fell asleep.

Meanwhile...