Nature.

5, +5. 10.

I’m gonna lose it.

Nature.

3, +5. 8.

You know some people would say that I should be happy I’m using up all my bad luck here, but you know what I say? Fuck that, I have done this nature check 5 times and that 10 was the highest result so far! I need to track the zebra down! WHY IS THIS BEING DIFFICULT?!

Fuck it.

Perception.

1, +5. 6.

Fine you know what, just fine. I’m over it! I’m gunna spin around with my eyes closed and when I open them I’m just gunna walk in whatever direction I’m facing.

I just wanted to go into the woods, kill some monsters, forget about my existential identity crisis, but noooo! Instead I get to wander around for 3 hours looking for a zebra with no monsters in sight. Perfect.

Wait…. My passive perception is 15. I shouldn’t even be mad then, that means none of those rolls mattered! Wait, what is that? I put my hand above my eyes to block out the sun as I look up into the sky. It’s smoke, but that isn’t towards Ponyville. Either I just found my zebra or Smokey the Bear is going to be really proud of me in about 30 minutes.

“Callisid, go check out the source of that smoke and report back. Mainly I just need to know if you see any creatures or structures.” I send out a thought to my new trusty bat while I start running towards the smoke.

“As you command, but be warned master that smoke is outside of our communication range. Shall I report back once I check it out or do you just want a report once you get within range?”

“Report back.”

I hear no response from the bat, which I assume means an affirmative response. After about 3 minutes I hear back from the celestial. “It appears to be a small hut. I didn’t approach the hut to see what was inside though, would you like me to?”

“No that’s alright, I’m pretty sure I know what’s inside. Thanks buddy.”

After another 6 or 7 minutes I arrive at the hut and knock on the door. The small door swings open and sure enough there’s my zebra! “Heya! I noticed you weren’t going towards Ponyville so I figured I’d try and catch up. Ya know, just wanted to make sure you weren’t lost in the woods.”

The zebra's eyes widened as soon as she opened the door, but after hearing me speak they went back to a neutral position as she looks me up and down a few times before finally responding. “For your assistance with the manitcore you have my thank. Had you been any later it’d surely had my flank. You have concern that I’m lost but let me ease your doubts. For as you can see this is my house.”

“Why are you talking like that? Ya know what, nevermind. I’m glad you’re safe, hope you enjoy the rest of the day.” I respond and immediately turn and walk away. She says something as I’m leaving but I cannot be asked to deal with that right now. That should be enough to satisfy the quest anyways.

“Quests.” Sure enough the quest is completed. “Claim rewards.” Honestly tracking her down was more annoying than the manticore, so it’d be great if this gave a lot of experience.

+250 XP. 21,207/23,000

Yeah okay, fuck you too universe. I wanna go check out that dilapidated old castle we fought Nightmare Moon in. If I remember correctly it should be to the…. East? That sounds right.

I’ve been walking for at least an hour now and I have seen nothing that looks even remotely familiar. I’m also starting to wonder if the monsters of the forest are intentionally avoiding me? I admitted that during the day their activity would be low, but I should’ve seen something by now. Honestly this entire trip is officially a shit show. I think I’m just going to hit level 7 and use Sending to Luna or Celestia and request a teleport back.

Another uneventful 30 minutes pass before I come upon a rickety old wooden bridge. I remember walking under this bridge! I’m close to the ruins now, but I don’t really want to walk across this thing. It looks like an OSHA violation.

Investigation.

15, +5. 20.

Looking at the rope and the wooden posts on this side of the bridge it actually looks like this bridge collapsed at some point in the last few days. The way this thing is tied down now is completely different than the knots I see on the other side. Well atleast that means the rope should be fine… right? I slowly and very carefully start walking across the bridge.

About halfway across right as I put my foot down, the wood snaps and my foot goes straight through.

17, +8 Acrobatics. 25.

I very cleanly catch myself and make sure to disperse the rest of my weight evenly and as far spread as possible. Then I very quickly pull my foot up and sprint across the rest of the bridge. Phew. Now let’s explore this castle.

Even though the sun is up this time around the feeling is super ominous. If I didn’t know better I’d think Nightmare was still here somewhere. This place has no business being this creepy. I walk through the room where we saved the world and look at my own blood stains on the stone floor. Ah good times. There’s not really anything else in this area, but I know there’s a few other rooms spread out, so let’s go check those out.

The 2nd room I went into was also pretty empty, but this 3rd section of the ruin? This is where the juicy bits are I can tell. It looks like this used to be the throne room, I see what looks to be two thrones but one of them is a lot more destroyed than the other. There’s also a large banner with a sun on it covered in dust on the floor behind the destroyed throne.

When I walk past the thrones to take a closer look at the banner I see a small cutout in the wall and floor that looks like a staircase leading down? Disregarding the banner I head into the stairwell and descend around 15 stairs in a half helix shape. The bottom of the staircase spits me out into a long empty hallway with a couple of suits of armor? I didn’t know these ponies had full on platemail! They have full helmets that cover their face and everything. Why don’t they wear these anymore? This is so badass.

Before I even take a single step down this hallway though I decide to roll for perception. I can feel it in my bones, there’s a trap in this hallway.

Perception.

13, +5. 18.

I don’t see any traps, but I swear I just saw two yellow eyes through the slitted visor of that armor. What the fuck? I decide to use my trusty finger gun and point it at the armor on the left. “Firebolt!”

5, +8. 13.

The small bolt of fire is let loose from my hand as it pelts into the side of the armor. A loud Chachink sounds out down the hallway and I roll 15 fire damage, but nothing happens. I give a small shrug but pull out my rapier anyways as I begin walking down the hallway.

I don’t make it very far though, as soon as I walk past the two sets of armor on both sides of the hallway I see yellow eyes pop up in BOTH sets of armor and instantly jump back 10 feet. I put up the rapier and call out the incantation for Shadow Blade, keeping it at level 2 this time though. As soon as the shadow blade appears in my hand I watch as the yellow eyes float through the armor and into the air as a plume of shadow and smoke rises out of both sets of armor and form around the eyes. It’s 2 Wraiths!

9, +5 Initiative. 14.

The wraith on the left sinks down into the ground before popping up behind me, I spin around and hold my shadow blade in an attempt to block whatever it’s trying. It just points both of its shadowy hands at me and I see two wisps of black inky shade start coming off my body. Oh shit this is that drain mov- AHH!

I can’t even finish my thought as the shadows connect with the wraiths hand and suddenly it feels like something is snapped off of me. I feel something similar to a cold numbing feeling that starts at my shoulders and sinks down right into the middle of my chest. It’s a sickening feeling, this is my first taste of necrotic damage and I hate it.

-20. Hit Points: 19/39.

Constitution Saving Throw: 14, +2. 16. Pass.

Concentration Check: 9, +2. 11. Pass.

My teeth are chattering against themselves now as I have a slight shiver. That thing just did over half my HP in one hit. If I didn’t pass that constitution saving throw it would’ve reduced my max HP from 39 to 19 as well until I long rested. I need to end this now. I pull back and get ready to slash through the wraith 3 times in quick succession. Since I’m in non-magical darkness I actually get advantage with shadow blade.

Two dice roll out for the first attack. 12 and Natural 20. CRITICAL HIT.

8 + 8 + 16 (Crit) + 5 = 37 Psychic damage.

(A/N: I’m actually astounded that I get the luckiest series of rolls in my life during a made-up encounter for a fanfiction. I legitimately rolled a nat 20 into double 8’s on my 2d8 roll for a max damage critical.)

As I use the momentum to twist the blade and get ready to slash through the wraith a second time I channel Booming Blade.

2 and 12. 12 + 8 = 20.

The second slash also connects and slides through the wraith like butter.

7 + 2 + 5 = 14 Psychic Damage
5 * 0.5 (Resistance to Thunder) = 2 Thunder Damage.

Ok, thing is looking pretty rough. Let’s use our bonus action booming blade again and see if we can finish it off. This time I try to slash it vertically in half from the head down.

3 and 15. 15 + 8 = 23.

Just like before the blade connects and tears through the shade.

7 + 8 + 5 = 20 Psychic Damage.
4 * 0.5 (Resistance) = 2 Thunder Damage.

The wraith lets out a ghastly wail that sounds like nails on a chalkboard as it starts to spasm in the air, unable to put itself back together before it finally bursts and the shadowy wisps dissipate into the air.

Panting slightly I turn towards the second wraith. I just need to survive this one attack and I’ll very likely be fine. The wraith lets out a screech before it flies straight at me channeling it’s life drain attack. I can’t tell if this one is also going to hit me or not so I decide to be as cautious as possible.

SHIELD!

I see the shadowy trails that connected my body to its hands get snapped at the middle and the wraith recoils a little as it staggers back a step. Phew, ok now unless I get monumentally unlucky I should be fine here.

Just like before I slash through the undead 3 times, using booming blade for 2 of the attacks and all 3 land. This time however I wasn’t lucky enough to land a crit and I only did 50 damage total. I never went against too many wraiths in my time and as a DM I never used them, so I can’t metagame the HP this around. I think it’s almost dead but I’m out of actions and 50 damage wasn’t enough.

I sigh and prepare myself for the worst. Gotta tank one more attack.

I watch as the wraith holds up it’s wispy hands but there’s no tendrils this time. I wait for a few seconds and get the feeling in my gut that it’s my turn. It missed! Oh thank the Maiden, alright let’s finish this. I ready myself and start my 3 slash combo, but after just two slashes the wraith releases it’s death cry and harmlessly explodes into a bunch of small shadow wisps.

+3600 XP. 24,807/23,000. Level Up!

Time freezes and I see the same level up information I saw last time, but instead of doing anything like picking spells I just try to exert my intent to ignore the level up for now and leave it for later. If possible I want to save this level up, now that I’ve leveled up two times I’ve confirmed that it gives me a free long rest everytime I finalize the level up information. If I can get a free long rest on demand I’m going to hold onto this level up until I think it’s the best time to use it.

The level up information disappears and time resumes. I lean up against the wall and slide down and sit on the dusty floor. Wow, to think a couple of wraiths could actually put that much fear into me. I might be able to pump out some decent damage now, but I’m a glass cannon through and through. I need to see if the castle armory has anything like a ring of protection or a cloak of protection. The higher my AC the better. For now though, fuck this.

I reach into my component pouch and pull out a copper wire. I pull the copper wire taught and talk into the wire casting Sending and directing it towards Celestia.

“Hey “Tia” it’s Ignis, went to the everfree for some training, things went south, figured Luna’s asleep wondering if you can teleport me to canterlot?” I put the copper wire back and lean my head against the dusty wall. Please have mercy on me sun horse.

“Hmm, I don’t know Ignis, I mean if I were teleporting someone like… a Lunar Knight after official training that’d be normal. Teleporting random civilians just cause they use long distance messaging magic without prior consent would set a bad precedent. It’s a slippery slope after that, you know?” Okay that’s way more than 25 words. She must be using her own version of a Sending spell instead of using the residual magic to use the built in response.

Is she really going to play dirty like this? I underestimated you Celestia. This is my last third level spell slot. Do I really want to use it just to argue with this lady? Yeah fuck her, I pull out the copper wire again, but before I can cast the spell I hear her voice again. “Just kidding! Teleporting you back now.”

I start to voice my complaints while rubbing my eyes to get rid of the blinding white light that always accompanies teleports from these ponies, “You’re lucky you teleported me before I could respond Celestia, cause if I had to cast another instance of Sending I was gunna be ready to throw hands wh-” I instantly stop in the middle of my rant because the white light fades and I realize, I’m in the middle of the throne room. A very full throne room, I’m talking like 100 ponies at least. Most of them don’t even seem to be in the guard, what’s going on here? Worst of all, they’re all staring at me.

I hear Celestia chuckle and I look up at her as she responds, “I realized your morale might still be in trouble from recent events and decided to end my prank early. I am curious if you have an answer to the offer yet though?”

“I have thought it through, and I’ve come to a conclusion. I need to discuss it with Luna herself though I’m afraid. I want a slightly different arrangement than what you originally offered.” I am getting a few nasty side eyes and slack jaws so I decide to add on to the end, “...your majesty?”

At that, a few of the side eyes disappear as the ponies giving them to me turn their noses up in snotty satisfaction. Celestia meanwhile just has this dumb smug smirk, “Very well, as you predicted my sister is asleep right now. If you come by the dining hall for dinner though we can all talk about it together.

“Yeah that’s fine. I’m going to bed as well. I think I’d like to get my sleep schedule set to also sleep during the day.” I decide to take a metaphorical shit on the floor as I’m walking out, I look over my shoulder and smirk at the princess, “Enjoy the rest of the day, Tia.”

I hear a small uproar in the audience as the doors close behind me and can’t help but laugh. I’m pretty sure I even heard one of them yell “YOU DARE?!” Oh man, that's a good reaction. I’m surprised, that's twice now she’s let me keep my rapier. I’m starting to think it’s not an accident and she’s doing it intentionally as a show of good faith so I’ll be more open to her offer.

Little does she know however, I’ve decided to join Luna. I’m not going to be her attendant though. I mean I might still begrudgingly carry out those duties if I have no choice, but I’d rather be her Chosen.

I wonder if they even have the concept of a Chosen here. Maybe they call it an Avatar here? Who knows. Regardless of how it plays out I’m excited to see what this other quest reward is that I need to get from Luna. I hope it’s cool or useful.

I get back to my room in the dignitary wing of the castle and jump onto the bed. Laying on my back I begin meditating.

Author's Note

Listen I gave it an honest try to write zecora, but much like Supa Hot Fire, "I'm not a rapper" I can't rhyme for shit.

Thanks for reading!