Author Notes: Normally I'd just use the built in notes and change it to where the notes appear up here, but I have spoiler comments and remarks in those notes. This small set of notes is just a T/W: There's some super vague wording in the back half of the chapter that hint towards Suicide/Self-Harm. I don't want to add the tag to the story because the first and probably only instance of it is 205k words deep into the fic, so you're just gunna get this warning here.

“And with that we are just about out of time Mr. Ferrum. I recommend you return every morning for the rest of the week until we have a good baseline setup.” He looks up from his notes. “That is assuming you have more unresolved problems we need to look at?”

Well we didn’t really touch on Silver Lance but he also hasn’t shown up in any of the flashes or nightmares. Probably because I’ve been working through that one on my own. I guess really the only thing left to talk about is…Earth. “Not really. Those are the only ones that are actually affecting me in my daily activities.”

He taps his quill against the paper a few times while humming in thought. “Hm. So there are still unresolved issues but they haven’t reared their ugly head yet. Judging by the way our conversations went about the changelings and Queen Aurora I believe you have a tendency to pretend things aren’t as bad as they truly are. The way you talked about the changelings seemed like a minor trauma to begin with but after digging through it and prying more details out of you it showed some major issues. That combined with your tendency to repress and bottle up your problems tells me that there’s one or more issues that are bigger than what we talked about.”

The stallion rises up and I guess that’s the signal that I need to leave. As I’m standing he continues speaking. “Just try to remember the breathing exercises we talked about, and the strategies you can use to anchor yourself to reality if you start seeing images again. Come back at the same time tomorrow morning and be ready to talk about topics completely different than what we talked about today. Okay?”

I slowly nod and leave the office.

3rd Person POV

The doctor sits back down after the elf leaves and looks at two different sheets of paper he was using for notes. One contains the typical notes one would expect for a therapist detailing different triggers and behaviors. The other one is much different though.

Priority 0 Target Ignis Ferrum: Equestrian Bladesinger, Lunar Knight.

• High mental fortitude. Recommend non-violent interrogation tactics.
• Attempts to view the classified dossier on the target resulted in confusion. Original identity appears to have very recently viewed the file, recommended to interrogate original identity for key details from the file. Once enough time has passed I will request to view the file again.
• Any visual references to the former Queen Aurora likely to cause momentary vulnerability.
• Romantic inclinations toward Princess Luna, recommend any attempts to chip away at mental defenses be performed while disguised as her.
• Any drones capable of high level transformation techniques to appear burned or slashed could prove useful.
• Romantic inclinations toward Knight of Love, recommended priority 1 hostage assuming Princess Luna is too powerful for standard ponynapping procedures.
• Spikes of anger and hate at the mention of Queen Chrysalis, avoid topic at all costs if approaching target while disguised.
• True mental vulnerability and source of leverage for persuasion still undetermined. When mentioned that I suspected he had a much larger problem plaguing his mind the target became extremely anxious and withdrawn. Expect more details within 36 hours.
• I’ve probed the target's mind twice but even when under emotional duress there was a thick barrier preventing any attempts to implant subliminal compulsions. Will attempt more intrusive probes in future sessions to allow for easier control from the Queen.

With a flash of his horn the text on the nefarious file is transformed to appear as an exact copy of the standard notes. Filing everything away the unicorn proceeds into the bathroom of his office and vomits a dense black ball of some type of resin or goo into the toilet before flushing the substance into the sewers. “Sometimes I wonder if the extra rations are worth the constant assault of negative emotions I have to endure. Regardless, apparently this target is Her Majesty’s number 0 priority so I’ll have to bring this information to the Tunnel Commander at once. This should net me a few extra rations and perhaps even a promotion.”

Ignis 1st Person POV

2 days later. Thursday night, 24 hours until the Gala.

Exhaustion Level: 1.

“Ignis, are the nightmares getting worse? You don’t look like you’ve gotten any rest.” Luna asks me while we’re sitting in the dining hall.

“No…I don’t know what’s wrong I just feel so drained every morning before I go to sleep. I think I need to limit my visits with Dr. Sentiment to once per week.” The next two sessions after the first one were much more stressful than the first one. It must’ve gotten really bad a few times because I had to make Wisdom saving throws twice. One of them I thought for sure I failed but I didn’t feel any different after.

“That was actually in his notes as well. He seems to think that allowing you a venue to finally vent your problems is likely the best he can do, and at this point it would be redundant to continue daily appointments. He actually recommended it once every other week. At those appointments he’ll likely just ask for any updates on things you’ve talked about previously, and then go over any significant events that happened between appointments that have been on your mind.” Celestia chimes in and makes me momentarily uncomfortable. I don’t really appreciate that she has been keeping tabs on my progress, but I suppose it makes sense.

“What have you two been talking about?” Force asks with no tact. Cadence gives her a quick thwap on the back of her head with a wing.

“I understand you want to support him, my knight, but with things like this it’s better to just let him talk about it when he’s ready.” Cadence scolds Force with a much gentler tone than Luna or Celly have ever used when scolding me.

“I mean the first day we just talked about the nightmares and the incident in the theater. Like Celestia said just finally venting about that did seem to alleviate the nightmares. Seeing any of Aurora's changelings walking around the castle still triggers “episodes” as he calls them. The last two sessions I spent the entire time finally unpacking everything I’ve bottled up about my homeland. Regrets, worries, who I miss…finally confronting my inner conflict on why I still want to go home versus why I want to stay here. This part is just a theory but I think he’s trying to make me slowly accept and come to terms with the possibility of not going home.”

I take a sip of orange juice and realize the awkward silence at the table. I guess it's because they all feel the same way as Doc, or else they’d be trying to reassure me right now. “If I could at least tell both my families that I’m fine and they don’t need to worry…I’d settle for that.” I suddenly stand up and turn towards Luna. “Do you need me for anything until Court?” She shakes her head no. “I’m gunna take a walk. I’ll meet you in the throne room.”

Leaving Nightmare with the rest of the royalty I make my way towards the gardens, but after looking around there’s a few more ponies out here than I thought there would be. Turning around towards the castle I cast Misty Step 3 times in quick succession and sit down on one of the higher roofs of the castle.

Pulling out a copper wire I pull it taut and just stare at the wire with the Canterlot skyline out of focus in the background. “I should try it one more time, right? I’m scared to try again.” A memory of my last session with the therapist flashes in my mind.

“If there’s a chance your message didn’t make it to your loved ones back home why haven’t you tried again?” Dr. Sentiment interrupts me to ask after mentioning Sending.

“Well it’s only a 5% chance. I’m sure it went through.”

“We both know you’re lying, Mr. Ferrum. If you never try again then you can always think to yourself “Oh, I failed to make it through the planes, but I can probably still reach home.” If you try again-” He tries to finish making his point, but everything finally starts to bubble up to the surface.

“If I try again and they still don’t respond…what the fuck am I supposed to do then? WHY WOULD I TRY AGAIN…when I’m better off being uncertain? If no one answers me next time” My voice finally cracks and the dam breaks. “I don’t know what I’ll do.”

I whisper out the incantation for Sending with a shaky breath as I continue to stare at the wire. “Hey mom, it’s Lucas. Just think your reply, I'll hear it. I can’t explain where I am but you don’t have to worry, I’m okay.” 25 words really isn’t enough. I have so much I want to say. Once the casting finishes I pull my knees to my chest and curl up into a ball. Please respond…

The seconds feel like hours and I can feel my fingers start to dig into the back of my neck as everything tenses up. That’s okay it’s entirely possible I hit the 5% two times in a row. Let me try my sister back in the Feywild. I cast it again. “Tala, it’s Ignis. This is Sending, I’m in a strange Realm but I’m okay. Respond if you can and tell father I’ll be back soon.”

Nothing. Cast it again.

Nothing.

Again.

Nothing.

Again. Again. Again.

Main Quest - Get home. In Progress.

I just stare at the quest prompt and start to laugh. “Isn’t this so funny?! It has no objective, no marker on a map! It just sits here and mocks me! JUST SAY THE QUEST IS COMPLETE SO I CAN GIVE UP! PLEASE!”

Cast Sending again.

Cast it again.

Error. There are no 3rd level or higher spell slots remaining for this spell.

How long have I been up here? What is that sound grating against my ears? Why does my throat hurt?

“Let it out, my Knight.” Suddenly from a burst of wind I’m surrounded by blue fur and feathers. Before I can even think my arms wrap around the source of the voice and I bury my face into the soft coat. As soon as I do, the terrible sound that confused me becomes muffled and I finally realize what’s happening. I’ve just been screaming on this roof.

Luna 1st Person POV

“I’m gunna take a walk. I’ll meet you in the throne room.”

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” I’m not even sure he heard me as I watch him walk out of the dining hall.

“I’ll go keep an eye on him.” Force states as she starts to stand but I hold out a hoof and stop her.

“No. I’ll go.” She opens her mouth to argue but I just channel my horn and teleport far into the sky above the castle. After a quick scan I spot him entering the garden and after looking around he does his own teleportation onto the roof of one of the higher towers. My breath is caught in my throat watching him standing on such a precarious spot high in the air, but I calm down once he sits down. With a flap of my wings I accelerate down a bit closer to the castle and lay down on a cloud above the elf.

Just remember Lulu, Dr. Sentiment said we need to let him work through this on his own.

I know, sister. I just want to make sure he’s safe.

He pulls something out of the pouch around his waist but I’m too far to make it out. I cast a lesser version of Scrying to make out what he’s holding and I remember it’s the same thing he used in the Everfree when he tried to contact his homeland. I can’t make out what he’s saying but after a few seconds he tenses and curls up.

I’m just about ready to reach out with telepathy and ask him if he’s okay when he lifts his head and speaks into the wire again. After more silence he speaks into the wire again but louder this time. Loud enough that I can tell he’s trying to send a message to his mother. He repeats the message over and over and over, until finally I see a smile on his face.

I spread my wings with excitement thinking he must’ve received a response, but quickly all of that excitement turns into a stone sinking into my stomach. The smile turns into a chuckle which leads into a manic laugh. The only other times I’ve heard a laugh like this was on the battlefield or at a funeral.

Eventually he starts to talk to himself and screams at what I assume is the strange power he’s explained to me. “Just say the quest is complete so I can give up! Please!” It’s the first sentence I’ve been able to hear clearly and the look on his face pains me.

He speaks into the wire two more times. I feel pressure starting to push me down and realize he’s stopped suppressing his mana. It’s more than that he’s subconsciously flaring the mana to the point that it’s visibly leaking out of him. Then he suddenly throws the wire off the castle and starts to pull at his own hair while screaming in despair.

To Tartarus with whatever the doctor said I can’t just watch this! Flying down as fast as I can and almost crashing into the roof, I land and wrap my wings around the elf. To my surprise he instantly wraps his arms around my barrel and squeezes tight as he buries his face into my fur. “Let it out, my Knight.”

The muffled screaming finally starts to fade away into silence. “It hurts, Luna.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Ignis.” He starts to pull away, but I use my forelegs and pull him back in. “We don’t need to go anywhere. We can stay like this for as long as you need. Let it all out.”

Author's Note

Who had "Changeling therapist" on their bingo card, huh? Pretty devious of Chrysalis to implant an agent in a position where people basically tell the agent how to mentally exploit them. Also yeah sorry I ended up off-screening the rest of it. Partly because I didn't wanna write it, but also partly because now you guys don't know everything that happened in that room. Well you probably have somewhat of an idea based on 1 line in particular that I threw in there as an off-hand throwaway comment.

Probably have a few more seeds that'll get planted over the next few chapters for season 2, but for the most part it's time for the gala. Mane 6 shenanigans, first interaction with Blueblood, and maybe some things that the characters have mentioned waiting until the Gala to do certain things <.<

Also I got no comment on the 2nd half of the chapter. I've been delaying this freakout since the first Sending all the way back in chapter 7 or whatever. I delayed it for as long as I could, but it inevitably had to happen. I do somehow always end up being more dramatic than I originally intended but oh well.

Thanks for Reading!