Fallout: Equestria - The Lunar Archives

“CUUUUUUT!!”

I froze like the mythical deer creatures of pre-wars past. Eyes turning and off to my left was an equally frozen crowd of ponies. Each held various props, cameras, snacks, guns, and costumes while one stood out in particular. Sitting there in a rickety cloth/wood folding chair was a ghoul, an angry ghoul… with stripes.

He stood, slammed his megaphone to the ground, and turned to the ponies behind him while pointing at me. “Which one of you fucking incompetents told the stable mare to come out NOW?! We aren't even doing that shoot till Monday! And now I’m down another prop!” he raged “We were this close! This FUCKING close to having it just right I-” He laid into the crew whom all cowered, winced, or tried to sneak away.

This was the most pissed I've ever seen somepony wearing a beret, much less a zebra…ghoul… Zebra ghoul. Ghebra? Zhoul? He was about as held together as Ditzy-Doo. A few patches of missing fur, some chunks of flesh, the skin around one of his eyes gone despite said eye looking perfectly intact… it was gross. He wasn't the only ghoul either, a fair few of the better-dressed ponies in the room were ghouls too, most manning the fancy equipment or directing other living ponies around. Wait… directing… He’s a director… and… is this a film set?!

I looked back to the zhoul. Noting the rings under his eye(s), the big black star on his flank, the pre-war pants with suspenders, and how familiar he looked. Was this Moko’s dad? But that couldn't be possible, he’s a ghoul! Apples don't fall from a dead tree…maybe he became one after Moko was born? “D…Dr. Zeeb?” I squeaked.

“-If I find out which one of you fucked this take up, I’ll have you sent to the prop department! And YOU!!” he turned to me pointing an accusatory hoof. “Who told you THIS was the scene to come out and kill the raider? Hmm?! You aren’t supposed to be here until scene 18 AFTER my dumbass protagonist over there gets captured. Do you have any idea how far this sets us back?!”

I don’t think I've ever been this berated this hard… did… did I just kill an actor? Oh godesses not again! “I… I uhh…” I shrank ever inward, ready to collapse into a black hole.

“Come now, speak up! It's what I pay you for!” he growled tapping his hoof impatiently as he looked me up and down. “Wait, did one of my assistants hire you or are you another one of the whorehouse strays we let in?”

“N-neither…”

He facehoofed. “Stars curse me she’s a stutterer.” he groaned holding his face before looking back at the crew. “Alright, which one of you cave-ponies let her in? Speak up now if you wanna save her from replacing the prop she just wasted.”

I don’t know which was more concerning, that he was referring to the ‘raider’ I just shot as a prop, or that he wanted me to replace him. “I…”

“You know what? Fuck it, we're starting over with fresh talent! From the top!” He shoved over a nearby table of pre-war foods before one of the better-dressed ghoul-icorns came over hovering a pistol on a silver tray.

The ‘raiders’ still on the set started backing away. “P-Please! we did our parts as you said! You promised we could go-”

Bang!-scream-Bang!

I was a statue watching the ‘props’ drop holding holes in their respective throats, writhing, bleeding out. Meanwhile, Dr Zeeb gave a vented sigh taking the pistol from his teeth and putting it back on the tray. “Thank you Boom-Shaker, would you be so kind as to go and get the replacements? I need a moment to recollect my focus.”

“Of course sir~ Same colors or free choice?” the grey ghoul nodded, taking the smoking gun.

Dr Zeeb sat back down in his folding chair and gave Boom-Shaker a dismissive wave. “Surprise me~ A little change might prove inspiring.”

“Very well sir~” Boom-Shaker left, at which point the whole crew sprung back into action moving props and dragging the bodies away.

I went to backstep to the hole in the wall when he called out again. “You there.” he barked making me wince and look back to him. “You’re lucky the costume department is busy today. I hope you realize that silly suit saved your incompetent fucking life.” He glared but relented with a sigh. “But since you’re new I won’t ask you to take it off just so I can shoot you. As you learned something.”

He didn’t try to waste me cause cleaning my suit would've been a hassle?! It was brave Sketchy time! “Yeah, I learned you’re a fucking psychopath.” I glared back holstering my spent flintlock back in my saddlebag. I was one to talk…but still!

The crew backed away in fear but he took a raspy venting breath and raised a decayed brow. “Brave for a new girl…” he looked me up and down like he was sizing up what he wanted from the cafe lunch line. “Scrawny but surprisingly healthy, average height.. No an inch under. Decent mane to coat contrast..”

“Very healthy compared to those ponies you just murdered,” I added squinting back with the same disdain he seemed to be giving me.

His brows lowered in a pensive glare… what was left of them. “And titanic metaphorical balls to counterweight those ridiculous fucking glasses on your face.” oh now that's low! Leave the glasses out of this! “Were you one of Asadan’s girls? Cause I don’t remember buying you or plucking you from the charity bin.”

“None of the above, but I get the feeling whoever this Asadan guy is wouldn't have done that to ‘em.” I pointed to where the ‘props’ got shot.

He made a snort and smiled a bit.

“What? What's so funny?”

“I rarely say this, but you're right.” he chuckled, mostly to himself and growing a smug smile. “That insect would have put far more holes in those raiders.”

“Yeah he-.. Wait..” I squinted looking between him and the blood smears left from where the ponies got dragged away. “You were just calling them props, why call ‘em raiders now? You had a whole deponyization thing going on a moment ago.”

“Because they aren’t ponies you simple girl. They’re raiders.” he rolled his eyes tapping a hoof on the arm of his director's chair. “You know how expensive things would get if I didn’t source local talent?”

Sketchy.exe was processing to the best of her ability, but much to the relief of her mental integrity the pony I shot was a raider all along! Conscience clear! That was easy… too easy.. “Maybe if you didn’t kill them….”

“Yeah, no.” he scoffed, “Welp that’s enough humoring the new girl, did we find out which one of you wretches hired her?” he looked around at the rest of the crew whom all but the ghouls were rapidly shaking their head no. “Then who?!”

As if on cue a metal door next to the snack table slammed open with a clang, boxes of pre-war food over falling to the floor…again. “HEY DAD! Did you see a scrawny-ass stable mare come through here- oh there she is.” It was Moko! I’d never thought I’d be glad to see Moko in a nonsexual context, but here I was feeling saved somehow! He waved, and I waved back.

Do ghouls have blood pressure? Cause I could have sworn I saw Dr Zeeb’s remaining veins bulge as he tensed and gripped his chair with the restrained fury of a thousand stubbed hooves- suddenly turn with a doting smile. “Moko My boy!~” he hopped up from his chair with a smile and walked over to his ‘son’. “Where have you been? You had me worried. Cherry’s goons hold you up? Club Street try to shake you down? Or do I need to torch whatever drug den that made you forget why you were out?” he asked so casually like such things were everyday occurrences. Given how he treated his ‘props’ they probably were normal activities.

“Nah not anything like that dad~” Moko smiled too and the semblance was…uncanny. Dr Zeeb looked like a more shriveled-up version of Moko, or should I say Moko looked like a rehydrated version of DR Zeeb. Minus how DR Zeebs cutie mark thing was a solid black star compared to Moko’s stripes woven into a star shape. “Just giving the tour to uhh….umm…” he tapped his chin a few times looking at the floor thinking. “Scorchy over there!” he pointed over at me. “Ran into her on the way back and she seemed cool so, ya know~ grand tour!”

“Sketchy…” I muttered in the background.. Feeling the energy drain out of me.

Dr Zeeb took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his muzzle. “Moko, my boy, my big, handsome, and loveably scrambled boy… please tell me she's not another mare claiming you knocked her up.” WHAT?! We- no!! [10INT] Zony’s are sterile!

“No Daaad, its cool, it's not like that at all. At least I don't think it was…” he pondered for a few moments more. “Nah, she can still walk straight, I met nerd babe over there at the Coltifornia. She was stabbing this shit out of all these-…. Ohhhhh riiiight. The hotel…” he hissed shrinking inward like he knew there was a scolding incoming.

“Yes Moko~” his ‘father’ put a hoof around his shoulder and pulled him closer. “The hotel. Normally I’d ask where my new pega-props are, but I hear somepony burned down the ONLY PLACE THAT SELLS THEM!!!” the ‘crew’ had just started resetting the snack table again when DR zeeb let go of Moko to kick it over again. Those poor canned beans…

“Okay Okay, I can explain Dad, just chill! It wasn’t me! I think…” the big zony glanced around nervously backing away from his father a little.

“You THINK?!” Dr Zeeb kept approaching “How the hell am I supposed to get the ‘DR Zeeb’s Wasteland Adventures 8’ off the ground without authentic Enclave props?! The subtitle says ‘Fall of the Enclave’ for a reason!”

“Look, it's not my fault okay! And I was gonna buy them but the hotel caught fire n stuff!”

“No shit!”

“I mean I didn’t start it!”

“Then who? Who had the titanium balls to torch the Hotel Coltinfornia?! Cause Club Street and the Aristocrats are looking for somepony to blame! Cherry would brag about it and she ain't said shit, Leo never leaves his territory, So who do you think they’re looking at?”

I never thought of myself as having titanium balls… but the mental image did give me a pretty good idea for the next fic I write. I was technically the one who destroyed the hotel Coltifornia. I ‘Technically’ also killed ALOT of hookers and mercs too... “Ahem…”

“I uhh…” Moko tried to think aloud…and failed.

“The assholes who were BUYING FROM THEM!!!” DR zeeb continued.

“Arn’t we those assholes?..”

Dr Zeeb groaned and rubbed his temples with his hooves. “Yes my boy, that would be us. And by the stars if I found out the hotel burned down cause you tried to roll up and smoke the curtains I’ll-”

“AHEM!” I coughed louder.

Dr Zeeb's head snapped back to me. “Who said you could talk DOLL? I’m in the middle of a civil discussion with my son right now.”

“No, you’re just yelling at him as assuming he fucked up again.” I countered.

He took a step towards me while the crew scattered. “I’d have to explain what ice is for a waster like you to grasp how thin yours is.”

I stepped too “Uh-huh. And I'd have to explain what a heartbeat is to a ghoul like you. Maybe then you could grasp the concept of being heartless.” Wow, these metaphorical titanic balls are heavy… and going to get me killed!

“Too brave to know your own place little girl. You aren't the first tramp Moko’s drug home. So many thought they were hot shit cause they had my son wrapped around their little hooves. They usually left in a box if I felt like sparing one.”

“Well con-grad-u-lations, despite my name I’m neither a chem dealer nor a hooker. I’m the mare that torched the hotel and got your oddly immortal son home. And surprise, I didn’t fuck him!”

“That last part is the only believable thing you just said, barely!”

“Uhh dad…” Moko interjected “That’s her.”

He looked back “That’s her what Moko? Shake the dash out of your system and give me complete sentences.”

“She uhh…” Moko shook his head and blinked a few times. “Sheeee… yeah no it was totally her. Stable babe went on a rampage and took me back to her place. I mean it was an awesome party right, and I brought her along so we could go to a club later…err..and tell you the hotel burnt down.” I couldn't tell if Moko was intentionally trying to throw me under the minecart or not.

“Bullshit, she looks like a stiff breeze would knock her over. Safflower would use her pelt to soundproof more of her walls.” she did WHAT with pony pelts?!

“Did too!” Perfect response me as always.

Dr Zeeb wasn't even acknowledging me at this point, he was too busy fuming. “Do you have any idea how hard it’s going to be to get the other warlords off my ass?!”

There was a click and a zip of a spinning cylinder as every ghoul and a couple of ponies drew guns and pointed right…at…me. The sudden commotion pulled DR Zeeb's attention to the scrawny gray mare with a golden revolver and blood-stained candelabra floating next to her. For the love of the Goddesses I needed to be stone-faced Sketchy right now. I could scream and piss my stable suit later, but for now, I needed to posture! He may have all of his film crew cowed but my massive metaphorical dick demanded respect! Fake it till you make it Sketchy! It’s the Applewood way!

I wasn't aiming the overcompensation cannon at anypony but there sure were a lot pointed back at me. Bonus points to the asshole in the rafters who put a blinding ass spotlight on me. “If I can have your mare fucking attention, I’m Sketchy, and this is the candelabra I used to polish the Hotel Coltifornia’s floors with Safflower’s brains! And this!” I cocked the revolver. “Is the mare fucking gun I took off her corpse before I painted a blood angel on her lobby floor and mounted her head on A PIKE!!” I stepped down from the rubble I’d entered upon and approached, many a gun following me. “I was even mentioned on the fucking radio! And last I checked it’s pretty hard to get DJ pon3 to do that!”

Well, I had everypony’s attention…better keep digging this hole deeper! “And I’m sorry if my sudden appearance is inconvenient to you, But-” ahem “Fuck you!” I pointed the revolver right at the warlord, earning many a sighted rifle at me.

Whispers were being exchanged by the crew on if they should take the shot or not, but it was ‘the director’s’ call. Aka the Zebra ghoul watching me VERY intently. Scrutinizing…

“When a mare has to drag her titanic bucking foal-makers across to wasteland to get your son home safe, she expects to be treated like a PONY! But what do I get? Insulted, belittled, and a free ticket to your grade-A parenting. Maybe blowing your rotten legs off would remind you what common courtesy means.”

Dr Zeeb was about as amused by this as a pony might expect. Glaring indignation “And what makes you think I’d let you leave here alive? Walking into my studio uninvited, ruining my scene, killing my props, and threatening my life. I’ve given mares suicide roles for less.”

“Cause I don’t need to kill everypony here.” I scanned the room noting the three-dozen equestrian-freedom dispensers pointed at my personage. “Just you. Aint no amount of lackeys jumping in front of you gonna stop a round this fucking big. Nopony ever realizes that bodyguards are useless if the assailant doesn't care if they die too.” I leaned in a bit. “And after everything I heard about you, and everything Safflower did for you, I'd ride high into the embrace of the Goddesses knowing I killed a monster like you.”

“Fucking zealots…” Dr Zeeb muttered keeping his focus on me while a wide-eyed Moko was slowly shuffling his way back towards the door he came from.

Yes dear reader, I’ve dug myself a hole so deep that I just might reach Neighpon if I didn’t put the brakes on. I’m getting out of here alive, and thank the goddesses Daddy’s big book of social manipulation gave me the perfect tool. Chapter 17: ‘The Undercut.’

I could cut a donut out of the tension in the air and spread jelly on it. It was a Mexicolt standoff and one of us was leaving here in a box…That is.. Until I put on the best cutsie smile I could. “How was that?” I suddenly beamed pointing the golden gun back up in the air. “I mean I was really getting into it there~” I giggled to myself swaying in place.

The art of the undercut, not to be confused with a fake-out or a social juke, is to intentionally make a situation look really REALLY bad (or good) and when you reach the crescendo of of your act ‘undercut’ them. Nopony is ready for the sudden gearshift from hostile to super friendly (or vise versa, AKA ‘betrayal’).

Everypony else mentally screeched to a halt, one guy even fell from the rafters landing on a pile of cardboard cutouts. Dr. Zeeb even blinked his one remaining eyelid in sync with Moko’s. “What?...”

“Well, I got the impression you didn’t think I could act so, I improvised. Moko said you liked mares who could get shit done so... What better than to act like a ‘Mare that really wants to get shit done’.”

He sighed as the tension fell way. “Are you trying to get yourself killed?”

“Well, preferably not~” I swayed on my hooves maintaining that bubbly demeanor. “It was just, ya know, Improv. And all of you believed it too!” I pointed a hoof at all the crew above and below pointing guns at me. “You totally thought I was some wack-ass crazy-mare posing as an actor to assassinate your boss.”

One earth-mare in the back peered from behind a massive spotlight where she had taken cover. “It was pretty convincing…” The rest of the peanut gallery agreed, and once I find out what peanuts are I’ll figure out if I used that phrase correctly.

One squint to the aforementioned mare Dr Zeeb looked back to me “As Impressive as that may be for some on-the-fly improv, it's pretty dangerous of you. You were this close to becoming a stain on my set.”

“Oh it wasn't Dangerous, It was method acting.” I nodded.

“Do you even know what method acting means?”

“Yeah. It’s where you use your own experiences as a basis for your performance.” another fun tidbit I got from Dad’s book.

“And what experience could you possibly have to base your little act on?”

Time for undercut 2: Electric Boogaloo! “Oh, that’s easy. Most of what I said was true. There were a few minor discrepancies, like I didn’t kill Saphlower with the Candlebra.” I gave it a wagle. “There were these hookers right, and whatever you might be thinking, they started it, and I ended it.” I gave the candelabra a few tinks on the concrete floor.

He blinked again…

“What actually happened was Saffower kidnapped a friend of mine and I reacted accordingly… by burning down her hotel. I guess her fire extinguishers weren’t up to code.” I shrugged recalling the series of events. “But no I didn’t smear her brains across the floor.”

“So who killed her?”

“Oh that was still me. I ripped her head off with my bare hooves and put it on the pike she kept threatening me with. And uhh… “ I counted off on my hoof trying to see if I got everything. “Oh yeah, I got his awesome gun!”

“Is that thing even real?-”

“Yep!” I pulled the-

BOOOOM!!

The golden gun boomed as I put a new two-foot wide skylight in the roof of his his studio. “Told ya it was real.” I looked up at the new beams of light coming in from outside and hissed. “Ohhh.. right… I’m not outside. Sorry ‘bout your…roof. I uhh..” I gently nudged the new debris into the pile of other debris that had been used as set pieces. “There… Like it never happened.”

He looked up at the new hole and then back down at its maker. “So you’re the one from the radio. No way in Tartarus Safflower parted with ‘Flower Power’ willingly. And if you have it… she’d dead.”

“Yeah I- It has a name!?” I gasped looking stunned at the gilded hoof-cannon.

Dr Zeeb Facehooded. “Moko my boy.. Would you-” Moko had vanished. “Moko?” only to be spotted chatting up that one mare that spoke up earlier, laying on the mare slayer eyes. “Moko!! Stop trying to fuck the starlets and take our ‘guest’ anywhere but here!”

Said mare squeaked and fled the set while Moko made an upset “Ughhh…I wasn’t going to plow the romantic interest… not yet anyways.” he scratched is chin for a moment glancing around the room looking lost for a moment. “Oh yeah, the tour!”

“Yes, the tour…” Dr Zeeb pulled at his face for moment before letting the rotten flesh spring back.

“This way!” Moko Cheered slamming the Exit door open yet again sending the snack table to the floor…again.

—

I followed Moko around the complex getting the best half-baked tour I’ve gotten I’d to date. He kept forgetting which buildings he showed me and kept asking if I had any Dash. I got the gist of it though. DR Zeeb was some kind of pre-war ghoul that used to some be kind of famous actor/director thing. Moko’s lack of details aside, at some point Dr Zeeb got enough pre-war ghouls together and took over the studio district of Applewood. Something something.. reviving the movie industry.. something something..Moko has a great ass and anypony who says I’m easily distracted is a liar!

Moko spun around “And that's the tour!”

I, who was NOT staring at his fine zony ass reacted accordingly. “Ah! Who? What? Huh!” I frantically looked around at my new surroundings. Row after row of faded white domed studios, ponies pushing around crates, and an ample number of well-dressed ghouls serving some kind of middle management role.

“Yeah I know, its kinda boring, but we do get visitors from all over the wasteland visiting the theater doll.”

[INT10] The word ‘theater’ pulled forth memories of being in class watching old films on the projector, back when it still had a bulb. That however was a pale imitation of the grand theaters mentioned in history books. Places where hundreds of ponies gathered regularly to watch plays, movies, etc. A distribution center of culture if you will. “And that’s literally all you guys do here? Restore and play really old movies for random ass travelers to watch? That doesn’t sound like something that would make you a feared regional warlord.”

“Well there’s that…” he started before trotting over the derelict remains of a golf cart and pulling out a scuffed red inhaler. “But dad always said the bigger picture was that we provide all the non-lethal entertainment Applewood has to offer.” He added before shaking the inhaler and taking a deep huff. The hiss of the strange inhaler went on and on until he let it all out with a VERY relieved sigh. “Ohhh fuuuuck I needed that..” he said, reddish mist spilling from his mouth. “What were we…oh right, that ah..erm… Well, the massive fucking stockpile of explosives helps.”

Sketchy64.exe stopped responding “...the what?”

“Oh yeah the firework shows we put on every night are awesome right? Really makes Applewood come alive~”

“I mean How!”

“Ohhhhh…yeah that makes sense. Well Dad’s old as shit right? So get this, he used to work here before the war, aint that cool? What are the odds am I right?”

The warranty on my goddess-given blinkers is going to be voided by the end of this archive… I blinked. “I knew that already…”

Moko continued ignoring me. “So after the bombs or whatever, he was out and about for a while but came back here to find the pyrotechnics department perfectly intact. Apparently, it was for some kind of ‘shitty war propaganda rag film’” Moko air quoted with his hooves. “Doesn’t sound like the kind of film I'd be into. I’m more of a sex, drugs, and violence conseur when it comes to movies babe. Glad you brought it up.” the silence that followed him was long and noticeable…idly smacking his lips. “Yep…pretty cool~”

“Is uhh…”

“Hey! You wanna go get high with the porn stars?” he asked in a burst of energy, getting all up in my face and wiggling in place like a foal on Hearths warming day.

“WHAT?!” I flailed…majestically…tumbling backward…also majestically!

And just in time to save the day, or as some might consider ruin it, was DR Zeeb. “I see my son is giving you the obscenely abridged version of the story.” He’d changed vests and now had a ghoul following him with a tray of bottled waters. This must be his casual outfit… “He didn’t give away the password to the explosives stockpile again did he?”

Moko rolled his eyes and huffed. “No Daaad, I didn't tell her the password was my birthday again. You ask me this like every time I bring girls here Gaaahd!” his head tilted back in exasperation, before realizing what he just did. “Oh wait…”

Dr Zeeb facehooved with a groan. “Damn it Moko…” before turning to me. “As you can see I have a thousand and four reasons not to give Moko a copy of the house keys. But more importantly, now that I have you outside and in full view of the snipers, why exactly are you here?”

“Snipers? What Snipers?” A little Luna appeared pointing up to the studio roof lines, where I saw a number of ponies just barely peeking over the edge with guns. “Oh, those snipers…” I’m going to start internally screaming now. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! -wait a second. “Moko!” I yelled back to the Zony accusatorily. “You led me into a trap?! Betrayal! Betrayal of the highest order!”

“What?! Nooo!” he blacked away. “I didn’t know he was going to do this, I thought we were headed to the club. It's not like he does this every time I bring mares home…” he blinked as his memory kicked into gear again. “Okay well he did it this one other time…and that other time… a few times actually… I’ll stop talking now…” Moko sank dejectedly.

“My question.” Dr Zeeb glared. “Still needs answering. You burn down the one place I could buy enclave props for my film, and waltz in here thinking my son would shield you? I think you may have noticed, but my boy doesn't make for a very good meat shield.”

“Does too! I mean look how big he is-...Moko?” There was a distinct Moko-shaped vacuum where the stallion used to be, and with a little pointing from a tiny celestial, I spotted him waving from down the block. “Damn it Moko!”

“Just like his mother, he’s a ghost until he want’s something from you.” Dr zeeb commented before I turned back to face him directly.

Okay, my grand undercut and good-vibes combo-strat didn’t work as well as I thought it did. Well this sucks… I literally just came here to go to the club! But he’s not gonna believe that, I mean look at Him! All grumpy and dead inside! Time for plan Q! Mutually assured destruction. “I don’t want anything from you. I want something that never belonged to you to begin with.”

“Praytel what might that be?”

“The rest of the pegasi you ‘purchased’ from the ‘totally not slavers’ I killed.” I air quoted.

“Well so far it looks like neither of us are getting what we want here. Really wasted a trap and a performance thinking I wouldn't just kill you for inconveniencing me, much less ruining my set.”

The same pistol ghoul from before came along with the same pistol as before. “Your gun, as requested sir~”

“Thank you Boom-Shaker~ Feel free to stay around, I’ll only need this for a moment.” He said taking the gun and checking how many rounds were left in it. “And let’s not forget the political shitstorm you've left in your wake. But I’m sure your head will suffice in getting Club Street and the Aristocrats to calm down. I might even make a short film about it~”

Inhale~ get creative. “Sounds like a plan, a good plan, except you forgot one itty witty bitty smitty hmmity problem…” Why did saying it like that make him glare harder. “The other pegas want their squad mates back. The whole platoon.” I squinted. “A.L.I.V.E Alive~”

“And I should care because?...”

“Because you like keeping your neighbors out of your business.”

Remaining brow rose.

“Well after I freed them from the Hotel Cotifornia they needed a place to stay. And they did, thanks to me, Riiiiiiight down the fucking street from you.” I pointed a hoof to one of the auto-wagon-husk walls in the general direction of the Neighborhood. “And they know I’m here, so if I don’t come back they’ll know you’re the one who killed the mare that freed them. Then you’ll have the Enclave’s undivided attention. Armor, guns, and the fact they can fly over all your defenses, I figured that might be a problem for you.”

His stern glare carried visions of how that scenario would play out. “Do you always threaten ponies that have you at gunpoint?”

“Surprisingly yes. It worked out suspiciously well for me thus far…” I really should figure out WHY that works later. “So let’s make a deal!”

“Hmmm…” he pondered looking between me and the various sniper nests he had scattered around. “Very well, this whole situation has proven at least a modicum inspiring, so I’ll hear you out. I might even consider it if the price is right.”

I rubbed my forehooves together feeling it all come together, Mmm yes~ “I have something you want, and you have something I want. And we can both get what we want without the other really losing anything.”

“Go on~” he hummed racking the pistol with his teeth.

“You need pegas, I need pegas, we both have pegas, and the pegas themselves would very much like to not be in this situation. So we share~”

“I’m not sawing my props in half…yet. That scene isn't until I finish the scene with the dark magician. So you better get explaining, and if you do it sounding like that pink parasite again I’ll blow your fucking head off.”

“Chill, Chiiillll!!” note to future me, Dr Zeeb doesn’t like the saints for some unfathomable reason. “It’s simple. You give me all the pegas you bought.” I pointed to myself. “And YOU hire them on as actual actors or whatever.” I pointed at him. “I reunite them with their comrades,” back to self. “And you get access to more willing enclave pegasi than you had before.” I pointed back nodding song with my own points. The tiny princess nodded along beside me in sync.

And now the gun was pointed directly at me “Fine details, Small print, Now.” his brow(s) furrowed.

I leaned away from the gun a bit “You gotta pay them and agree not to kill them like the rest of your props. In exchange, the ones who are willing can either commute or stay here to work on your films as needed. And before you ask, just pay them with the caps you were using to buy them as slaves. I imagine willing actors are far more talented than ones being held at gunpoint Mr ‘hates ministry propaganda’.”

He gave me a long hard glare, so long me and the mini-princesses had sweat drops running down our respective foreheads. “I see somepony listens far more than she lets on. In another age I’d say you'd make a decent spy… or a union rep.”

I slowly raised a hoof. “What’s a union?...”

The barrel of the gun fell away and the ghoul chuckled a bit. “Oh nothing special, just a group of ponies that cared more about the wellbeing of their fellow coworkers than the whims of the ministries. If you really are a stable mare, you'd know them as ‘dirty zebra sympathizers~” he sighed in fond remembrance. “Stars above the budgets and crew quality I had back then~”

Le gasp!! He has memories!

“Tell you what. Counteroffer.” aaaand the gun was pointed at me again. “Get the fuck out of my compound and don't come back until you can prove the rest of the turkeys are game for your little idea. Then maybe we can put something in writing if they still know how to read. Until then, my props stay mine. Got it?” twas then I learned being poked in the chest with a gun is about as unpleasant as it sounds.

[INT10] “Okay, okay I get it! Stop waving that thing around, it's not a clapperboard!”

“I'm surprised you even know what a clapperboard is.” the condescension was real.

[CHA5] “Surprised enough to stop pointing the gun at me?” I put on my winning smile and a few eyelash bats for good measure.

[failure] He squinted at me with his one-lidded eye. “Get the fuck out of my studio.”