FOE: Lunar Archives.
CH 18: Overhang
By: Lakeel

“You’re insane if you think I’m entertaining you after all that..” huffed a familiar voice in the darkness. Luna?

It was like floating in a world made of darkness.. and soup. A viscous void where I could breathe just fine yet swim through the air, I could even do a figure 8. The only sensations were me being gently nudged around and eventually lying on something.

“You’ve really done it this time haven't thou provider?” Asked a familiar roachy voice.

I turned, and there he was in all his glowy green glory…and a little hooded robe? “Brad!” I cheered but felt a throb in my head. “Owwww…why does my head hurt?”

The noble radroach bowed and genuflected with his forelimbs. “Tis I dear provider~ Here in your time of need once more. And to answer your question, did thou match thine drinks 1 to 1 with water?”

“Uhhh….water?”

“I’ll taketh that as a No…” He chittered a sigh, gently rubbing his antennas the same way I'd rub my temples. “Excess is thine fastest route to enlightenment, And thou hath entered unto a demon’s den, fed upon its venom, and survived. Another piece of the prophecy fulfilled…though I hath not expected to see it resolved in such a way. Impressive none the less.”

I was still trying to remember if I drank anything else. “Wait wait…the bartender did pour water from the paint can into the drink. Does that count?”

Brad blinked…somehow. “Provider…That was paint thinner.”

“Oh… Oh shit…”

“Consider thyself enlightened.” he nodded sagely

“Wow, that was fast.” I learned a thing!

“Told you so. But for now, another thread of destiny awaits thee. A great power and inheritor of guilt shall raise the Angel from the edge of heaven. So say the roach sages of yester-yore.” When Brad acquired a set of roach robes I didn't know, but his esoteric little gestures really drove the sage vibe home.

“Waaait…Hey Brad, are you still alive?” I had to ask, the sheer amount of times he’s come up since he got splattered had to be abnormal.

Brad pulled his little hood back and folded his frontmost legs into his tiny brown sleeves. “I answer your question with another question. How hard is it to truly slay a radroach? Now awake, help hath arrived.”

“Hey wait! I have more-”

My eyes opened to the blurry view of blue skies wedged between fuzzy brick walls. Where were my glasses? I heard a low chitter and the crinkling of plastic bags before said glasses landed right on of snoot, “Ack!” I held my snoot and heard a few more things land around me. Straightening my glasses I sat up- and my stomach went down, backward, and inside out! “BWEEEEGH!!” I latched onto the metal ledge next to me and spewed the rainbow over it. Rainbows taste bad.

My career as a fountain aside, I fell back off the ledge and my head throbbed. “Fuuuuuck mee…” I groaned holding my head and curing up on…on… I opened my eyes and blinked a few times seeing..trash bags?

I had the MOST intense night of my life..and woke up in a dumpster. To make it worse, my head was killing me, my gut was churning, I felt like I’d slept both 10 hours and 10 minutes simultaneously, and the smell of garbage wasn’t heping. On the bright side, I was surrounded by all my stuff. My guns, my saddle bags, my candelabra, everything just scattered haphazardly around me. It's hard to believe they didn’t keep my shit, I’d have left me out here for dead but here it all is. The sky looks so pretty but… I think I’ll just roll back over and use this pizza box as a blanket-

“A-Are you okay miss?”

My eyes shot back open and- “Ahh!!!” I flailed totally not startled by the sudden appearance of a pale blue unicorn, with his big blue hat, golden eyes, and…I paused my ‘graceful’ flailing to ‘certainly not’ stare up at the horn holding up the front of his hat. “Holy shit…” I meeped, and I inform you now dear reader, I will NEVER admit that his horn was 2-3 times larger than mine! Nor that it was so long it came to a needle-like point and he was using it to hold up the brim of his massive blue hat like a support beam. For I am a unicorn and at any given moment my horn is the largest in all Equestria and nopony can say otherwise. Except maybe the goddesses… but they’re huge, so ratio-wise I still win. Not that I care about such things…

“What? Is something behind me?” he looked back up the ally walls where some feathered tumors were perched. “Yeah, the balefire radiation sure wasn't kind to the corvids was it? Master always questioned where they got food with all the insects now being so huge.”

Now that there was no chance of me going back to sleep on my new trash bed I sat up and got a better look at things. Yep, I was in an alleyway dumpster, but still on Club Street judging by the traffic beyond the alley. As for my good su-mare-itan (Horse puns!), he looked like he fell out of a different genre. Cloak? check. Big pointy blue hat? Check. Esoteric-looking book on his side? Check. And just like that fine-ass cowpony Lasso-Lean,...his cutiemark was identical to his hat. My well-being had been checked upon…by a BUCKING WIZARD!! Owwww my heaaaad!

“Ohhhh you look sick. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” he asked looking back over the edge of the dumpster while I was holding my throbbing head.

“No, I’m not okay. My head is pounding like Celestia's favorite royal guard, my gut keeps turning like something is twisting inside me, and I think I just vacated everything I ate in the past two days.”

“Yeah this is a pretty big puddle… which is super gross I might add.” he scooched away from it. “So biology was never my area of expertise but erm.. My best guess is dysentery, food poisoning, or….” he hovered over his book wrapping it in a feint golden glow and flipping near the back. “Page 372...” he mumbled flipping a few pages back. “Blood ghosts…orrr…you’re dehydrated!”

I do not have ghosts in my blood and goddesses help me I will not be doing more drugs about it! “The last one! Definitely..hurk…the last one.” I dry heaved remembering Brad's words about matching my drinks with water.

“Oh that one easy just umm…” he started flipping back pages. “Page 258…” and with a brief flash he placed a small glass of water on the edge of the dumpster. “I uhh.. Hope that helps.”

The glass was yoinked away from him as fast as the laws of physics would allow. Drinking it all in one go before flopping back down in the trash. One hoof ever so weakly putting the glass back up on the ledge. “Thank you…” I groaned into a trashbag. “Do you have any more?”

“Not really..” he scratched one foreleg with another. “I can only do stuff like that so many times a day…In hindsight I probably should have used one of the many bottles around here instead of blowing so much magic on conjuring a glass….wait no, that would be super unsanitary.” he glanced around. “Does nopony clean around here?”

While he slipped into a tangent about the cleanliness standards of the wasteland I reached the ‘fuck it’ level of waking up in the morning. I felt a tiny bit better… not that all my joints didn’t pop when I sat up. Much groan, very getting my crap together.

While this mystery stallion rambled and looked all around the alleyway I got a better look at him. He looked.. My age?...and…healthy? By wasteland standards at least, he looked about as well off as Moonstone in terms of cleanliness, which is a lot considering most wastelanders don't have water to drink much less bathe in. “Who are you?..and why do you look like a wizard?”

He looked back towards me. “Oh right, introductions. I’m Hatrick.”

“Of course you are…” Good goddesses this pun had layers.

“Aaaand I look like a wizard because..I am?” He didn’t sound too confident about that statement. “Well technically I’m an apprentice but Master Calvin isn't really around anymore to be my teacher so I guess…I’m technically the master now?”

Saddlebags: equipt. “‘Technically’ is the best kind of ‘ly’” I listened stuffing my crap back into my bags. “So where’s this grand wizard guy now? Off making a killing summoning water for ponies or is he doing esoteric hermit stuff hidden somewhere?”

Hatrick, and his hat by extension, drooped a little as it seemed I struck a sad nerve. “He’s… gone.”

I’d feel guilty about bringing it up, but there was a much worse pain taking up all my feel receptors. “You have my- Hup!” I strained pushing myself up and over the edge of the dumpster and crashing to the concrete below. “Sympathies…” I groaned having formed a new pile of crumpled mare.

“Thanks..” he muttered scratching a foreleg and looking down at the ground. “Is your spine supposed to make that sound?”

“There she is!!” Called a familiar stallion from down the alley. Where did I know him from- ah shit, here we go again. “Knew I’d find you soon enough!” yelled a certain nameless brown stallion with bandages all over the side of his face and a leather jacket…made of other pony’s faces.

I am too hungover right now to even begin to process the fresh horror of what the jacket entailed- ahh fuck there’s more of them. Armed with pipes, knives, and rusty pistols he was flanked by a gaggle of similarly face-wearing goons. “Who the fuck…” I heaved a bit as I struggled to stand up with a quickly rectified stumble. “Whew..almost threw up there… who are you?” I’m going to be asking that question a lot today, aren't I?

“Who the fuck am I- You fucked up my face!!” he grimaced as glaring seemed to cause his very bandaged face much pain. Now that I looked at him he did have a loose resemblance to the wobbly shape in my memory I smashed some bottles on. “We could have had so much fun, but now, I'm gonna have fun turning you into a new towel!”

“I'm surprised you… hurk..” almost, almost spilled my guts again but I held firm. “Know what a towel is you…. Two-faced… wait a second.” I started counting the number of faces “three… six… eleven…ughh.” I groaned as my creative insults failed me. “Fuck you for making me think this hard in the morning you dingle mc-balldragger.” 4/10 insult, might use it again when my head stops hurting.

“D-Do you always insult ponies threatening to kill you?” Hatrick meeped looking nervously between me and the approaching goons.

“Yep!” I sighed fumbling around in my saddlebag. “It worked out great for me so far. Now what do I wanna kill these guys with- owww…” my head throbbed in both rejection to levitating my flintlock. It was hard to focus, and the orange magic that normally enveloped my TKd weapons flickered, but at least I could hold it up.

Hatrick seemed to have other ideas levitating out his own little revolver. A revolver that inspired as much confidence as he did. “S-Stay back, I know how to use this.” Which was not much. The ‘gun’ looked like somepony taped a revolver cylinder to a rusty tube from a water heater, wrapped it in chicken wire, and called it a gun.

The face-wearing goons just chuckled and approached all the same. “I think I'll make him into a purse, make pale blue my thing this year~”. One of them commented as they sized up my newfound wizard. A disgusting face leather wearing raider as he might be… the stallion did have some fashion sense, the light blue would match his eyes- WHAT AM I THINKING?! Light blue is a spring color. He needs darker blue for winter- Bad brain! Bad!! Be horrified! Not fashion-conscious!

Click!...clickclick!

Hatrick looked down at the gun. “Ohh cmoooon!” he whined squeezing the trigger in his magic over and over again making rust particles fall from the weapon's rudimentary mechanism.

“My turn!” I said before learning my accuracy was about as fucked as I dream of being one day. If my goal had been to mildly deafen everypony in the alleyway and burn a smoldering hole in the pavement…I succeeded. Buuut the gangoons were still unscathed. “Damn it… now were actually in danger.”

“You mean we weren't in danger before?!” Hatrick asked manually fiddling with the makeshift gun before tossing it aside and whipping out his book. Hey that’s my move… “Spells spells spells.” he paniced skimming chunks of the book at a time.

The original face bandit just slumped a little. “Okay this is just sad.. I looked around all morning for you and watching this little shitshow is really killing my mood to cut your face off.” He groaned glaring down the alley at us. “You know how hard that is? To ruin my urge to collect face skin like momma used to make?” He asked rhetorically as her gestured all over to his jacket made of faces. “Pretty hard! What happened to the mare that fucked up my face last night? I came here to skin her, not… this!” He said gesturing to the two of us with his rusty knife.

Hatrick seemed to reach the right page and his horn glowed. “Foudre!” he pronounced as his horn glowed. Within a moment a black cloud had whirled into existence just a few feet above the bandits.

The leader looked up at it. “The hell is this? First you two can barely handle guns, and now what… You’re gonna make it rain on me?”

The air cracked and a ‘BOOM!’ Broke as the trio was very suddenly struck by lightning. In a flash and a bang two of them collapsed to the ground sizzling and the third guy just… exploded. I mean he was still around, just.. Over there, and over there, and a little up there…

“Oh…oh my…” Hatrick squirmed as a few chunks of simmer core landed around his hooves, and he promptly hid behind his ‘spellbook’as gore rained around us. “I.. may have overdone it a little.”

My eye twitched as a small amount of burnt red splattered my cheek and slowly ran down as I stood there. I am way too hungover for this… “He’s a goddess damn wizard..” I mumbled to myself not moving. I’ve never even seen that degree of magic before! Most of the unicorns I’ve ever met only really used it for telekinesis or a few tricks they had up their sleeves. I think the most advanced thing I’d ever seen was a maintenance guy reassembling a terminal that fell off a table. But this! This was… “We should leave.” my barely functional brain halted.

“Wait what?” Hatrick asked double-taking between the sizzling ponies and me. “But they attacked us, wouldn't we wait around for the local guards to take our testimony?”

“What the fu- No! That’s Exactly why we gotta leave, right now, and pretend like this never happen.”

“But-”

“-ts Are thicc and wonderful. However, I do not know if you've noticed but this town doesn't have guards, It had thugs. We don't know how connected these guys were but they wore jackets literally made of pony faces…in public!! So let's not be here to find out if you just thunderstruck somepony important!”

He rose a timid hoof. “It's actually a lightning strike…not a thunder strike. Ya know cause one is sound and the other is…” he corrected but slowly trailed off as I gave him the look. You know the look reader, you’re imagining it right now, and you can't unsee it. “I’ll be quiet now…” he shrank.

I held the bridge of my muzzle. “Good goddess is this how I was when I first got out here?” I groaned to myself, making a note to edit all previous chapters of my archive to make me sound more competent. In the meantime, I looked back up at him “Okay, by the powers of fate, destiny, and questionable life choices you are now stuck with me.”

“Excuse me?..”

“I’m getting you out of here. Namely cause you just saved me from getting peeled like an apple, but because I am in the middle of learning how hangovers feel right now and I…” I held my head a bit longer as it throbbed. “Will probably need help getting home until it goes away.”

“Oh umm…okay, I can help you get back. It would be the polite thing to do after…finding you in a dumpster. But I can only do stuff like that lightning spell a few times a day…and I don't really know how to use ‘this’ too well.” He added holding the pipe-revolver in his golden aura.

I face-hooved before looking back very nonplused. “Just give me the gun before you hurt yourself okay?”

“That's probably for the best.” He agreed reluctantly before fate was sealed yet again. He hovered the wasteland’s shittiest revolver over and let go. It was at this moment, that I realized ‘oh wait, Im supposed to catch that’.

It hit the pavement with a tink-PANG!! Misfiring instantly. It was followed by a sudden, hot, sharp, and ‘too familiar!’ pain in my rear.

“FUCK!!” echoed out of the alleyway, making many a nearby street-goer flinch.

—

“I said I was sorry…” Hatrick pleaded from behind me as we walked the streets of Applewood. Turns out leaving Club-street was far easier than getting in, you just go right through the front door and nobody blinks.

“And I said I wasn't mad..” I grumbled leading him back to the neighborhood. Trying my damndest not to think about the hoof-sized bandaid on my flank.

That apparently wasn't a good enough answer for him “But you sound like you’re mad..”

“Well, I’m not. I’m aware it was an accident, and I was in no condition to catch the gun being that hung over.” I grumbled louder, head low and glaring ahead.

“But…”

“Upupupupup!” I spun around silencing him with a hoof on his snoot. “I’m not mad. But so help me Luna’s fine ass I’m going to be mad if you keep asking.”

“B-But…”

“Ehh!”

“Oh…”

“Much better.” I squinted before turning back around, only to look back again, not wanting to be mean to the guy. “I know I sound super cranky right now, but I promise you I’m much more chill when my head isn't throbbing.” Ughh…even the sunlight made my eyes hurt.

“If you say so…” I couldn’t see them but I could tell his eyes looking around awkwardly, the kind of silence that meant he could only be looking for another conversation topic. “So…” Called it! “This place we're going is called the Neighborhood?”

“Yep…”

“Was the pun intentional or is it some kind of… secret society/cult thing?”

“No..” I sighed sinking lower. “It’s more like… I don't know, it’s just what we started calling the place. It's literally a bunch of suburb houses that are still livable with plenty of drinkable water. The name formed without us even trying.”

“Huh…” Hatrick scratched his chin pensively. “That does sound like how master said things usually get named… whatever feels natural at the time. But if so many streets are named ‘peach tree’ where are all the peach trees?”

“I don’t know, That’s-... a really good question actually.” Now I had to stop and think about it.

And as if on cue to ruin my train of thought was the body of a desiccated pegasi. Specifically, a slavering one missing a wing and most of its face, shambling its way out of a ruined storefront.

Great, there's a ghoul, and while normally I’d find the concept of a feral pega-ghoul both fascinating and scary, my morning has been really shit. I didn't need him/her/it making said morning shit…er… …I wasn’t in the mood for linguistics either.

“Hey!” I pointed at the ghoul. “Fuck off! Before I rip that other wing off and beat you back to death with it! I am not in the mood for you right now!” I am not in the mood!!

What remained of the ghoul's face shifted, eye(s) widening as it stopped in place. Pausing before starting to ‘poorly’ shuffle its way back into the ruin it limped out of. [Success!]

I squinted watching the ghoul shuffle away. “Yeah, that's what I thought.. Bitch.”

“You are a very mean mare…” Hatrick mumbled in the background.

I looked back again, squinting! “What was that?”

He froze. “Nothing! Nothing at all just… I meant ‘mean’ as in math, not.. A very math mare.” he said tapping his forehoves together with a ‘please don’t be mad’ sheepish smile.

Let it be known throughout all Equestria that hungover me will shank a mare! Stallions too! Cause hung-over Sketchy is here to dish out equal fucks and equal bucks, and I’m aaaaaalll out of fucks!... I left them in the stream back home.

—

Hours later with the neighborhood on the horizon, the throbbing was finally starting to fade. I found relief in a jug of ever-milk and a box of Sugar-Apple-Bombs in a shopping cart outside a place called ‘Super-duper-’ something, the rest of the letters had fallen off.

“I don’t think that’s safe to drink..” Hatrick commented still following behind me as I had regained enough use of my TK to hold the jug aloft and drink away.

I pulled the jug away with a relieved pant. “Ahh.. is too safe to drink. Sure it’s room temperature, but it’s ever-milk.” I pointed at the faded label showing a pair of twin blonde-coated ponies holding canes. “So good even your grandkids can drink it” I quoted. “We've been drinking this stuff in the stable for centuries. It never expires.”

Hatrick made a concerned groan. “That can’t be healthy… It sounds like it’s more preservatives than food.”

“Oh I feel pretty preserved alright~” I added telekinetically scooping hoof-fuls of cereal as we walked.

“And your wrist thingy is ticking so much because?...”

I blinked, pausing in my tracks to look down at my pipbuck finally noticing the ticking. “Huh..how long have I been tuning that out?”

“It’s been rattling ever since you started eating…” he answered concernedly.

“Huh… I’m sure it's fine.” I said stuffing the cereal box back into my bag and resumed drinking the milk. I'd need to shake some rad-away out of Lucy at some point, preferably after she's recovered. This rad meter goes all the way up to 1000 and I intend to use it all if I have to.

Hatrick on the other hoof simply shivered at the notion. His loss, this pre-war food stuff is amazing, it's just like what we had back at the stable… just a little too warm for my liking.

Also not to my liking was my inability to see the streets of the neighborhood through the crowd of ponies that now resided on it! Dozens of disheveled ponies loitering around sitting under small tents and many of them nomming on PB&J sandwiched just like the pegas did just yesterday. “Oh goddesses dammit I was gone for one day! What happened this time?!” I asked nopony in particular pointing a hoof at the crowd.

The answer I got wasn't words, but instead those raggedy foals from before running across the street chasing another radroach with their spears.

“So this is the neighborhood?” Hatrick asked looking around at the place. “Well it seems like everypony has water at least.” he wasn't wrong, many of the ponies also had various containers filled with water collected around them.

Yeah, this wasn't right, what I could remember of yesterday I only recalled inviting five or six homeless ponies here. Was there anypony I recognized in view? As far as I could see there was- oh hey the Enclave!

I made my way around the brand-new homeless camp and Hatrick followed along until the security parameter of enclave pegas came into view. The most well-guarded sandwich-making table in the wasteland at its center where Button’s mom chugged along. Do ghouls ever get tired? “Is anyone going to explain to me what’s going on?” I called out as I approached.

Many of them perked up and looked over to me before Cream-heart spoke up. “Oh, you’re back. We have a bit of a crisis here dear, if you aren't busy could you check in with your friends? I’m pretty sure they need help sorting this mess out.”

“Where are- oh.” I looked ever so slightly to the right to spot Moonstone, Lucy, Button-Mash, and Candy-cloud gathered around a table under Cream-Heart's former car-port awning. “That was easy…” I glanced back to Hatrick. “You ready to meet the team?”

He paused. “Sure?” he scratched the back of his neck. “I mean I was just supposed to get you home right? It’s a nice place but..” he glanced around for a moment. “Are you sure it’s not a cult?”

“No, it's not a cult! What is with you and cults? I get you-” I pointed a hoof at him “all the way here-” hoof back at the house. “Cause I needed an escort. But now that I’m here, I gotta introduce YOU-” back at him again. “To the rest of the team.” two hooves back at my friends. “Cause you!-” Hatrick again. “Shot me in the ass!”

“You said you weren’t mad about that!” he cowered behind his hooves defensively as I leaned in.

“I’M NOT MAD!-” I said VERY calmly… for a psychotic murder-mare.

“Sketchy?” Lucy called from over by the table. “You’re finally back from visiting the Actors? Took you long enough.” Her voice said huffy but her eyes said worried. Thus I am conflicted about what she actually felt upon seeing me.

Moonstone came right over quickly giving me a once-over. “What happened to you? Why were you gone so long? Why do you look like shit?” He asked sounding more concerned for my wellbeing than most ponies I knew…and to be fair he was a bit justified after the day I had yesterday.

“Cause I found her in a dumpster.” Hatrick pointed out from behind me.

“Hatrick!” I turned to look back at him. How dare he throw me under the minecart!

Moonstone understandably got all the more concerned. “Why were you in a dumpster and-...” he paused to look up at the sheepishly smiling Hatrick I was glaring at. “Is that a wizard?”

“See!? I knew I wasn’t crazy! My day has been bucking weird okay?! Having a wizard appear and escort me back home is just the sprinkles of the 7-layer weird cake okay?!” that was way more impassioned than I thought I'd sound like. It left me panting, having let a fair bit of frustration slip out with it. And I felt tired all of a sudden.

“What are you caveponies yelling about over here?” Lucy asked dragging herself along via the little wheely-cart I made for her after she got shot. “Please tell me our little psychopath is in good health and-” Lucy paused too to look back at Hatrick. “Is that a wizard?”

I facehooved while Hatrick did a little wave in the background. “Yes, he’s a wizard… It’s a long story and I really do not want to go into detail about it-”

Aaaand now Button-Mash joined the party, still in his blue bathrobe and coffee mug combo. “Oh hey, she’s alive.” he took a long sip of his 200-year-old bean juice before looking over at Hatrick. “Is that a fucking wizard?”

“H-hi… I’m more of an apprentice than erm.. What you said.” Hatrick smiled sheepishly, tapping his forehooves together.

Sweet Celestia flaming tits the wizard was shy AND afraid of swearing?

Nonplussed Sketchy was nonplussed. “I’m done..” I let gravity do the rest, effortlessly flopping onto my side to check how comfortable Button-Mash’s dead lawn was. “Yeah this feels right…”

“Is…is she okay?” Hatrick asked concernedly, stepping closer to look over me with the rest of the team. “I gave her a glass of water and she seemed to be fine…”

Moonstone gave me a few gentle nudges, to which I groaned in defeat. “She’s fine. Just being dramatic again..” Moonstone sighed. “And I get the feeling she’s about to turn this into a long, drawn out, and painful thing.. Instead of just telling us what happened.”

I sat back up! “Am not!”

“Are too.” He added.

“Am not!” I repeated louder and more defensively.

Moonstone pursed his lip “Mmm hmm..You’re doing it right now.”

“Damn it!” I huffed stamping a forehoof on the dead grass. “Whatever!” I exclaimed throwing my forehooves in the air. “Yes, I went to the Actors, and I accidentally killed some of his props… who were actually raiders!” I clarified. “Accidently gave his studio a new sunroof aaaand struck a deal for the rest of the pega’s freedoms.”

Lucy took an interest right away. “You talked him into freeing the soldiers he bought? How much did he want? Are they all alive? How many were there?”

“Im getting to that…” I sucked in some more air. “He agreed to free the pega’s IF he gets some ‘volunteers’ to star in his movies. He won’t kill them like his other props, and he’ll pay them, but he won’t agree to anything until I can prove all the pegasi here are on board with the idea.”

“That's… odd.” Lucy thought aloud. “He wants to pay the ponies that just two days ago he was trying to enslave?”

“Makes sense to me.” Button-mash shrugged taking another less than enthused sip, like just one more will make the caffeine kick in, but it never does. “Supply and demand. From what the locals have been saying ‘bout him he needs pegasi. And the hotel Coltifornia was his best supplier. But since you burned it down and ‘liberated’ all the ‘merchandise’, you are now the best turkey supplier in Applewood.” It sounded like he was almost complimenting my situation, finishing his mug before stuffing it in his robe pocket.

“We aren’t merchandise! Treating ponies like meat is half the reason everypony back home thinks surfacers are savages.” Lucy huffed folding her forehooves and glaring at the ghoul.

Buttons rolled his eyes dismissively. “You ‘were’ merchandise, whether you like it or not. That's how slavery has always worked. But, thanks to Sketchy you no longer are.” He swirled his mug a bit. “And this warlord seems to have convinced you that he held the upper hand in that negotiation.”

“He was pointing a lot of guns at me at the time…” I added tapping a hoof to my chin recalling having my body weight in lead projectiles pointed at me the whole time.

Buttons continued. “Yeah, both of you had literal and metaphorical guns to each other's heads. He has the missing pega’s hostage, and you have the rest of the pegasi he needs for his precious movies. He couldn't kill you 'cause then he wouldn't get his props, so him holding you at gunpoint doesn't mean anything.”

“So this is a hostage situation?...” I asked tilting my head a bit.

“Yep~ Happened all the time before the war. One gang would capture an enemy gang member, then whoops somepony’s foal got nabbed from the school parking lot. Usually followed by a ransom or a shoot-out. Supply and demand at its finest really.” He explained as if dulled to the horror of how it sounded. “Sometimes they’d even make the news if the body count was high enough… or if it was ponies who died instead of zebras.”

Everypony just stared at him in momentary shock.

He blinked looking between us. “What? I wasn’t the one doing it…”

“We know, it's just.. Not what most of us expect to hear about pre-war society.” Moonstone answered looking for a delicate way to say that. “You know, 1000 years of peace, love, and happiness like in the history books?”

“Yeah.” Buttons replied with his eyes falling half-lidded. “That was ‘before’ the war. When I was like.. 8, not 25.”

“So far this all makes sense but… why was darling here in a dumpster again?” Lucy asked recoiling from me and holding her nose. “I’m failing to see the connection.

Let's go ahead and rip off the social bandaid, I figured they would keep asking until I finally caved, so might as well surrender right then and there. “Well…” I scratched the back of my mane. “After striking that deal.. Moko…invited me to go to a club he knew, and I was trying to be amenable so…. That happened.”

Moonstone facehoofed. “What happened to coming right back like you said you would?”

“I did come right back. After I woke up in a dumpster. Going to the club was part of the trip. I mean It’s not like I was trying to be selfish, Moko had already invited me a dozen times and promised to pay for it all. Plus I met a bunch of homeless ponies and offered them a place to… stay…” I slowly looked back over my shoulder to the homeless camp that had formed behind me. “Okay, I only talked to like 6 ponies. This wasn’t me!”

Now it was button-mash holding his temples. “You are so damn naive! Yeah, you helped half a dozen of ‘em but they told all their friends there’s a pony giving free handouts. In my front yard!” he pointed over at the line of ponies at his mom’s sandwich stand. “It’s what they do! Hope is contagious!”

Thinking back, he had a point. That one grandma did say something about opening a can of worms if I started helping ponies like this but helping ponies is a good thigh right?. I’d figured only the ones I talked to would show up if at all. “Wh-what was I supposed to do? Leave ‘em starving on the side of the road?”

“You give ‘em your pocket change and move on! Just like everypony else.”

“But I didn't have any pocket change!”

“Then tell ‘em you’re broke!”

“How am I supposed to tell them I’m broke when I have a pipbuck, a clean coat, and the nicest clothes in the whole damn town?!”

The heads of Moonstone, Lucy, and Hatrick went back and forth as Button-Mash and I argued the finer points of helping the poor. Until Moonstone butted back in. “Wait, you found these guys where?”

I sighed feeling the minecart coming to hit me. “Ughh….Club street.”

“Sketchy!”

“I know!” I retorted. “But that was the club Moko kept inviting me to, and how could I say no?!”

“By saying no?” Hatrick suggested with a sheepish smile in the back, one hoof raised.

I glared back at him again watching Hatrick slowly put the hoof back down. I'd strangle him if he kept throwing me under the minecart like this. But strangling somepony for being socially inept is a bit of an overreaction. Cause that’d mean I’d have been strangled many times by now.

“Do you have any idea how worried we were about you, darling?” Lucy asked siding with Moonstone.. The world really must be ending. “We were this close to sending a search party.” How dare she make dejected mom noises at me!

“But Im fiiiiine.” I added gesturing a hoof around my whole ponyage. “The worst thing that happened was dealing with those face-wearing thugs and the sweeper-”

“You drank a sweeper?!!” Moonstone exploded making me cover my ears.

“Calm down. You’re acting like I was putting a gun to my head to see if was loaded.”

“That's basically what you did! That concoction is lethal! That's why they make you sign a waiver.” he pointed out getting angrier. “In case you survive!”

“Oh…But Moko agreed to cover the cost of the party stopper in case I couldn’t handle it. Even then who cares if I die? I’m dead, I’ll just hang out with the princesses until you guys kick the bucket and join me.” I shrugged not seeing what the big deal was.

I had apparently pissed all over the mood as everypony else’s expressions fell. “Is… Is that how you’d feel if we died?” Lucy asked, sounding a bit too concerned for my liking.

“I mean, yeah? It would suck, and I’d feel bad for a while, but why tear myself apart when I know I’ll see you again later? Like my mom or my grandparents, I never got to meet them but it doesn't bother me cause I’ll see them again later. It’s simple.”

Awkward silence ensued with a few of the gang grimacing. I looked to each of them trying to figure out what was wrong. “What?..am I standing on somepony’s grave?” I looked down and checked under my hoof just in case.

“Nono, were just… A lot of things are finally clicking for us right now.” Lucy assured looking to the others. “And it’s a bit much to process.. this inability to care from you of all mares.” though she had a hard time looking me in the eyes. “Given how many times we’ve seen you freak out over minor moral dilemmas.”

“I’m not one to challenge your beliefs but.. It does explain why you’ve been acting so… so…” Moonstone trailed to I assume think of the right word.

“Pessimistic all the time?” Lucy finished.

“I was going to say reckless.” Moonstone corrected.

Now I’m really confused. “I don’t get it… “

Button-mash decided to step in pushing his way between us. “Alright. I’ve had enough of this shitshow,” he said before downing the remainder of a bottle I hadn’t seen him holding before. Yeeting it into the side of his neighbor's house shattering it. “You’re fucking numb.” he declared getting right up in my face.

I backstepped. “What? Of course I’m numb! Everypony is in this bombed-out hellhole! This.. literal wasteland!” I gestured at all the sickly browns and greys around us. “I’ve killed more ponies in the past week than all the murders, executions, and accidents in my stable combined. Just to survive!”

And he kept approaching matching step for step with a glare. “I’ve been dead for all of two days, and dead inside for even longer. So you’re going to listen to me when I tell you-” His rotting hooves suddenly took me by the collar and pushed me up against his house. “You put a tap on that ‘I wanna die’ shit right now, or so help me you autistic bitch I can and will beat some dopamine into you!”

“Ack~!” Everypony else watched in suprise as he continued to throttle me, my hooves grabbing and kicking at his own. “I didn’t say-, I wanted to-.. Choking-”

“Not directly, but you do.” He asserted pulling on my collar just to shove me back into the wall. Loose siding from the wall falling off from the impact. “I’m numb, nobody cares if I die, I’m a mass murderer, I’ll see everypony again so who cares.” he parroted mockingly as he held me there. “Are you fucking stupid? Nopony wants to hear that!”

“I don't-..sound like-.. that.” I choked, squirming all the harder, kicking fruitlessly at the air.

“I think she gets it Button-mash, put her down.” Moonstone stepped in only to halt at the ghoul's stern glare.

“No she fucking doesn't.” He turned back to me. “Nobody EVER gets it that fucking fast! I’ve seen it too many times.” With a grunt and a moment of unholy strength, he threw me, sending me sliding across the dead grass.

I went from being choked to having the wind knocked out of me, skewing my glasses, and spilling the contents of my bags. I coughed, gasped, and wheezed, while he stomped on over. “Ack- ha… ah- Huuugh!” I sucked air trying to get my lungs to listen.

“You are the pinnacle of Sweetie-belle’s experiment. My Sweetie-Belle! But you sound like you’ve had a hoof in the grave ever since you left her stable.” He glared down at me, putting his forehoof to my chest to keep me pinned. “No.. I can see it in your ‘princess’ damned eyes. This isn’t new. You’ve had a hoof in the grave long before ever stepping out of that massive ass door. You’re just waiting to die.”

“Button Mash! Get off her this instant! She can’t breathe!” Cream-Heart yelled, his mom coming to save the day.

“Not now Mom!”

“I said now, Mister!”

“Will you SHUT, THE FUCK, UP!! I’m nipping this in the bud right now!” He bit back, making his mom skid to a stop about as shocked as everpony else watching the altercation. “Even if she doesn’t want me to.” he growled down at me. “Half.”

“Wh-what?” I coughed.

“That’s how many ‘friends’ I’ve seen ‘complete’ what you’re going through right now. The Apathy, the self-hatred, the numbness, and valuing random keepsakes-” He picked up B-Rad for emphasis, his little squeak the ghost of comfort I needed right now. “More than the actual ponies they represent.”

My chest was hurting “Don’t.. t-touch… Brad..” I choked out, half of reality was a blur with my glasses off kilter but I reached a shaking hoof out for the stuffed rad-roach.

Buttons simply stood there with him. “Why shouldn’t I? You’ll be dead soon, and then you won’t care. A week, possibly a month, you might even make it several years. But at this rate, if the raiders, monsters, and drugs don't get you, then YOU certainly will.” He simply tossed B-Rad aside, squeaking on impact with the ground, my hoof reached out for him. “Are you so desperate to meet your bullshit gods that you don't value living?”

“N-No!” I struggled, still trying to lift his hoof off me and reach B-Rad.

“Is it cause you’re afraid it will hurt? Cause my friends found a lot of creative ways around that problem.”

“N-No…” I couldn’t get him off, where were the tiny princesses with the solution when I needed them? Where was Brad?..

“Is it cause you feel too guilty? That everyone else will feel bad if you up and died? Cause from what you said so far they shouldn’t worry about it!”

“No..” I coughed. Celestia.. Luna… why?

“Or…” his tone got low and he leaned in. “Have you sunk so far into despair you’re just afraid they won’t let you in? That you can wait it out and hope you die painlessly?”

He finally struck a chord, as I remembered every single intrusive thought, every moment of soul-racking guilt, or more notably the absence of it. The mercenaries, the raiders, and even the Stone brothers.. I never cared that they died, who they were, who cared about them. Each and every time I killed somepony all I ever thought was ‘Did the the pearly gates just slam shut on me’ Am I wrong for doing so? Am I justified? And even those thoughts stopped occurring.

“Ahh, that’s what gets your gears turning. No need to worry about anything in this shitty life if there's a better one waiting for you around the corner is that it?”

My hooves continued half-heartedly claw at the leg holding me in place. “I don’t… I don’t want to die.. but I can’t feel anything either. I should feel bad, I should feel guilt, but I don’t. The Stone brothers deserved it but I should still feel something. Those dealers at Bubble Town were probably given a Salliongrad suicide, and It never crosses my mind. I reduced ten raiders to bloody mulch just down the street from here… cause they were harassing Moonstone…and I felt nothing but exhaustion.”

“You're the one who did that?!” some distant mare yelled from the crowd of onlookers.

“I killed who knows how many mercs, burned down a hotel with who knows how many ponies trapped inside, just to save Lucy…and I almost felt good about it. Then we went back inside, I got Lucy shot, and I ripped the head off the owner with my bare hooves for it, and to get YOUR poster back.” it felt like I needed to throw that back at him, but he was unphased. “And all I felt was tired. I even went to Club Street just so I could experience something new, a change of pace… looking back I know I had fun, but I don't feel it.. Or anything, even when the guards were mowing down the homeless at the gate”

Button-Mash nodded along as I listed my sins. “Okay, And what did you feel before you killed the brothers.”

I pondered back “Afraid? The eldest was going to rape and eat me… and the middle just wanted to kill me. What mare wouldn't feel that way?”

“And the dealers?”

“I… they…” I tried to put a word to it. “Vindictive? They were selling chems to foals like it was candy. You don’t prey on kids.”

“And the raiders?”

That was a less pleasant feeling, and a more haunting one that furrowed my brow. “H-Hatred.”

“And the hotel?”

“Rage…” I could still hear ripping of muscle and snapping of sinew.

“Do you see where I’m going with this yet?” He asked taking his hoof off me, allowing me to roll onto my side and hold the spot.

“Almost… please tell me anyways.” I groaned holding the hoof print on my chest.

He sighed, seeming to have let off enough steam. “It sounds like you were doing all kinds of feeling while those events were happening. But now in hindsight, your world has turned grey and you just can’t give a shit anymore. You know what that means?”

“That I’m a psychopathic murder-mare seeped so deep in the blood of her enemies that the concept of life and consequences has lost all meaning to her?” What?... I was guessing!

“No dumbass! Okay well..maybe a little cause that sounded kinda badass, but no! It means you’re fucking depressed! Wartime stress disorder, ring any bells?”

“But.. the war is over.” I added sitting up.

Buttons was not bemused. “That’s not… ughh! Did Scoots not give you guys dictionaries either?”

“We had to recycle those decades ago…” I pointed out wiping my nose on my sleeve, when had it started running?

“Ohgawdamnit!” he threw his head back in disbelief. “You!” He pointed at the rest of the team making them perk up. “I’m taking your train wreck with glasses over here. This isn’t me asking permission, with is a notice of absence.” he then looked to his mom. “And Mom, do NOT disturb.” With that said he turned and went for the door. “We're going to my room, Now.”

“Ahem!” his mom faked a cough while glaring at her robe-clad son.

“Ughh..” he groaned. “I’m sorry for yelling Mom, I was just trying to keep somepony I know from blowing their brains out.. Again!” he grumbled and made his way inside.

“Well, that’s a start…” Cream-heart muttered tapping a hoof on the grass.

“Your son is mean…” Hatrick muttered in the background once more.

Buttons however heard that, and was intent on proving Hatrick right by yelling from within the house. “Summon a dick and sit on it you half-assed Evoker!”

Hatrick looked down at his book. “But I don’t have the ‘create’ spell yet- HEY!”

“9th level vicious mockery bitch!”

—

Button’s room looked a lot more lived in now as he turned a ‘do not disturb’ sign on the door and closed it. The bed was still a mess, but a lot of the dust was gone and the scattered papers had been reorganized. The more amazing thing was when he reached over and flicked the light switch, bringing the dangling bulbs to life.

“You have power in here?!” I exclaimed looking around now that I could finally see clearly in here.

“Yeah, we have a generator in the basement. Just had to find a Magical fusion core.” he said walking past me and stepping around his bed. “Your house has power too.”

My ears perked up. “My house?”

“Yeah, Look out the window.” I pointed to the large circular window.

Looking out I could see a lot of the neighborhood and Applewood cityscape this time now that it wasn't raining….or night. To the south I could see a small pillar of smoke from what I assume used to be the Hotel Coltifornia. To the right of that was downtown Applewood, a mountain of twisted metal, green fog, and broken buildings. Even further right was the white rounded roofs of the Actor’s movie studios and further beyond lay the dead tree that was Club-Street’s ‘House of Chrysalis’. And furthest to the right were the remains of the Applewood sign, adorned in the banners of the warlords overlooking the city.

“A little lower…”

“Oh right.” I looked down to see the homeless camp, but also spotted a bright orange cable leaving the base of Button’s house and going over to the one immediately next door. A pile of destroyed furniture and other debris piled out front, but other than that the two-story house was in great condition. “Isn’t that-”

“The Speckledorf’s house. Mom figured that since you needed a place to stay other than my room, cause as great as I am at getting mares in my bed, Like fuck am I sharing it now.”

“You got one mare in your bed… I don’t count.” I squinted at his reflection in the glass.

“Don’t care, didn’t ask, My statistic is better.” he countered while heading over to the massive TV in the back of his room. “Mom also figured the 200 years of renovations she's done on the place far outstrips whatever the Speckledorfs paid for it, so… Think fast!”

I barely had time to turn around and raise my hooves before getting thwapped in the face with a small set of keys. “ACK!” I fell to the ground with the keys, holding my snoot. “Why is it always the face!?”

“I could make jokes but that would be too easy. The house is as good as yours for as long as you want it. Your friends, mainly Moonstone with Lucy ‘supervising’, cleared it out before they did the house across the street from themselves.”

“And what about everypony else?” I asked getting up from the floor still holding my nose.

“That's part of the problem.” he sighed. “A problem we're going to fix at the same time we attempt to fix you,” he added dragging some strange contraption out from a nearby drawer and plugging it into the TV. Three cables, Yellow, red, and white…

“Are you going to explane or are you gonna start choking me again?” I squinted, I'm certainly feeling something right now, but I can't choke out the dead.

“Considering it,” he said before pointing a hoof at a nearby beanbag chair. “Park it.”

I grumbled making my way over and promptly planted my rear in the leftmost beanbag chair. “Eep!” I squeaked regretting my decision immediately as I sank right into it until I was in this odd but surprisingly comfortable position using my limbs to stay ‘afloat’. Never mind… it was kinda nice.

Button’s sat in the other and tossed me a… controller? “The hell is this for?” I asked rotating the controller in my TK.

“This!” He said finally smiling for once as he hit a button on a remote for a grand reveal. The ‘technical difficulties’ screen of a very familiar-looking derpy caravan owner changed over to a black screen with ‘TV-2’ in the top left.

“Uhh….”

“Damn it! Video-2 not TV-2!” he grumbled fiddling with the remote. “Give me a second, it’s been 200 years.” he pressed the button a few more times before the screen and speakers came to life with music and a colorful menu, images of ponies, zebras, and griffons in historical costumes fading in and out of the background. At the top of the menu it read ‘Society-V’ in sparkly gold letters.

“UHHHHHH….” I can only Uhh so loud. “I repeat my previous statement.”

Buttons rolled his eyes. “Look, you’ve got an assload of ponies outside who are suddenly looking to you for food, water, and shelter. And currently, you’re running a 1 mare blood-soaked depression train off a cliff at full speed. As your resident depresso-expresso I’m going to reel you in with what worked best with me. ‘Productive escapism’” he arched his hooves in the air as if they'd make the words magically appear on a rainbow.

“And.. this will make be better?” I asked, brow raised.

“Oh fuck no~” he laughed…a little too hard, rolling on his beanbag chair till he calmed down, “You actually thought this would- hahaaa!!” it wasn't that funny. Even wiping a tear from his eye while I looked at him with all the grump I could muster. “Hardly, have you seen the mental state I’m in? It will however mellow you out and stop you from getting worse. Plus it'll teach you a few skills you're gonna need.”

“Skills I’m gonna need?”

“Well, to put it bluntly, we may have infinite water, but at the rate my mom is making sandwiches for everypony our cellar will be empty in a week.”

“Oh…oh no..”

“And while mom and I won't starve obviously, I'd rather not have my house burned down by an angry mob that thinks we're holding out on them.”

“So why are we playing Society-'V' instead of going scavenging for food?!”

“Cause Society-6 was going to be good but Rarity made devs remove Roam and the other zebra civs making it suck ass! And they changed the frequency of coal spawns!” he seemed far more upset about the latter thing than he should be… “My industrial meta, ruined!”

Non-amused Sketchy was non-amused.

“Aaaand” Buttons continued. “It's a civilization-building game based on actual history. It's loaded with all kinds of information about the technologies and practices pony-kind developed over the centuries to survive. Like crop rotation, hunting, feudalism, the invention of steel, etcetera. You should be able to pull all sorts of useful stuff about how to run a community from history, if it worked before, it probably still works.”

“Okay, that kinda makes sense… just read the history stuff as I go.” I said messing with the controller until I figured out how violently similar it was to my pip-buck. “New game.. Pick a society.. uhhh… ooh fancy helmets! Roam~!” Boop!

-Level up!!!-
Perk unlocked: Local Leader (Rank:1)

-The Local meat-shields/free-labor/cap-generators have deemed you somepony worth following. Welcome to logistics, economics, politics, and a hoof-ful of other ‘ics’! All these ponies are looking to you to make decisions for them, no pressure! Ready the pitchforks…

Author's Note

As of new years I will have been working on this story for two whole years. And after all this time, effort, potting, planning, and writing... I wanna know if you guys even enjoy it?

I've written nothing but this story for two years at the cost of other interests and sleep. So is it any good? Was it worth doing? (._. )