Chapter Twenty: How I Spent My Summer Vacation on the Moon

The sun hung cheerfully in a clear blue sky. Though it was still Summer, the hottest days had passed, and there was an unmistakable hint of Autumn on the breeze. All around the Ponyville town square, the hummingbirds hummed and the buzzards buzzed, oblivious to the solemn affair that was taking place before them.

In the center of the square stood a makeshift stage, a relic from the Spring Festival. Though for most of the townsponies it felt like that festival had taken place in another lifetime, with all that had happened since then they had never gotten around to dismantling it, and so there it stood.

The props and the scenery from the foals' play had all been removed, and in their place stood a raised gallery in which sat the two Royal Princesses, Celestia and Luna. Opposite the gallery stood a single young alicorn filly. The filly's coat was coal-black, her strange reptilian eyes a brilliant turquoise. A white and black racing stripe ran the length of her bright green mane and tail, a stripe that made her look like she could go really, really fast. However, it was clear to anypony who saw her that she would not be going anywhere especially fast today, for the filly wore a set of heavy shackles on all four of her hooves, and a magic-binding collar was fastened securely about her neck.

The filly glanced nervously about. Gathered on the lawn of the town square was a vast crowd of ponies, all of whom were glaring disapprovingly at her. She saw many faces that she recognized, ponies she'd once thought of as her friends. However, there was no friendliness in their faces now.

Princess Celestia cleared her throat, and the filly turned to face her. The Princess's expression was solemn and severe. The filly swallowed nervously.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," said Celestia, in her booming Royal Canterlot voice. "Citizens of Equestria. We are gathered here today to hear evidence against Pyx Trebuchet, who stands accused of high treason against the realm. Court prosecutor, you may proceed."

An officious-looking unicorn stepped forward, hemming and hawing and shuffling papers about. He peered disdainfully at Pyx through a pince-nez, and then cleared his throat.

"If it please the court," he began in a loud, theatrical voice, "I will now present the charges against Pyx Trebuchet. The Prosecution submits the following charges: that Miss Trebuchet did knowingly and intentionally collude with a nefarious organization called the Order of the New Moon; that the purpose of this collusion was to depose their Royal Majesties Celestia and Luna from their positions as rightful rulers of all Equestria; that she, along with these accomplices, did forcibly detain the Princesses in an unsanitary dungeon and prevent them from exercising their royal duties; that Miss Trebuchet did unlawfully proclaim herself Queen of all Equestria; and that in the process of carrying out her new duties did cause significant harm to the realm and its citizens.

"In addition to these most heinous crimes of treason, the Prosecution adds the following charges: 418 counts of murder, 673 counts of aggravated assault, 128 counts of embezzlement and misappropriation of funds, 3 counts of unlawful imprisonment of a minor, and 1 count of being a terrible OC. Please bear in mind that all of these charges cover the events of only three months."

When the charges had been read, the assembled ponies erupted into thunderous applause, hooting and hollering for Pyx to be sent to the moon. It was a full minute before Celestia was able to command order again. When the crowd had settled down, she cleared her throat and turned her attention to Pyx.

"Pyx Trebuchet," she said sternly. "You have heard these charges against you. Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

Pyx turned and looked at the crowd, their faces twisted with anger and hatred. She turned to the Princesses, their faces stern and unsympathetic. She swallowed.

Though outwardly she had again the appearance of an ordinary foal, she was no longer the innocent filly she had once been. The fog over her memories had been lifted; she remembered most everything now, the good and the bad. Though she still had no memory of who or what she'd been prior to awakening in the Everfree Forest that night, she understood that some part of her was the mysterious entity that had once been known as Nightmare Moon.

However, she was also herself. Though Nightmare Moon was a part of her, she knew that she was not Nightmare Moon, nor was she the creature that had called itself Black Snooty. Though that creature was an aspect of her as well, it had largely been destroyed by the rainbow blast, and she felt none of its lingering desires. She could, however, remember vividly everything that she had done while in this state.

After regaining consciousness in the schoolyard, she'd discovered that not only had she been returned to her filly body, but most of her magic powers were gone as well. Not only the awesome powers she'd wielded as Black Snooty, but the abilities she'd had from before were also diminished. She could no longer teleport at will, for instance. Though she was still an alicorn in appearance, as far as she could tell, she had no more power than that of an average unicorn filly.

Nevertheless, she remembered everything that had happened all too well. She knew that even if she was not Black Snooty anymore, the things that Black Snooty had done, all the harm she had caused and all the ponies she'd hurt; all of that was real. She had done it all, and she had to atone for it.

She swallowed again.

"Uh, fillies and gentlecolts," she began.

Her voice was small and frail again; the voice of a schoolfilly. She wished she could still use Black Snooty's Royal Canterlot voice; that would really have come in handy just then. However, there was no use fretting over it. She cleared her throat, and did her best to project as much bearing as her small stature would allow.

"Fillies and gentlecolts," she began again. "Citizens of Equestria. There comes a time in every young filly's life when she suddenly turns into an evil alicorn for some reason desu, and then tries to take over Equestria for some other reason desu.

"However, there also comes a time when, desu, for some completely different reason, she suddenly decides that she's had enough of being evil, and would like for everything to just go back to the way it was before, when she was just an ordinary schoolfilly who didn't have to deal with complicated stuff like statecraft and political intrigue. And for me, that time is now. Desu.

"While I know that the horrible things I did as Black Snooty can never truly be atoned for, I just wanted to say this to all of you:

"I'm really, really sorry desu, and I promise not to ever do it again. Nipah~~!"

A murmur ran through the crowd, and the ponies looked at each other with mixed expressions. Celestia and Luna sat upon their thrones, stone-faced, until everypony had settled down.

"Miss Trebuchet," began Celestia when the square was once again quiet. "The harm you have caused as Nightmare Moon, or 'Black Snooty' as you preferred to be called, is severe and irreparable. You imprisoned, tortured and killed hundreds of innocent ponies. You depleted the nation's treasury and destroyed the economy. You enacted numerous silly laws that will take forever to constitutionally repeal. You built an ostentatious gold statue of yourself in the middle of Canterlot that is...just a horrendous eyesore. The physical, mental, economic and emotional harm you have caused your fellow ponies is incalculable, and, as you yourself have said, these sins can never truly be atoned for.

"However.........you also said you were sorry. And in a world of candy-colored pastel ponies, that actually counts for quite a bit. As such, I am inclined to let you off with a warning."

Her eyes narrowed, and her voice became stern.

"However," she went on, "Any further shenanigans of this nature will absolutely not be tolerated, young lady! If you ever try to depose the rightful rulers of Equestria, and establish a brutal, tyrannical dictatorship rooted in violence and terror again, you will be grounded, missy, and don't you forget it!"

Pyx hung her head.

"Yes, ma'am," she said.

A murmur ran through the assembled crowd again. The general consensus among the townsponies seemed to be that the sentence was tough but fair.

"Now then," said Celestia. "Before I stomp my royal hoof and make the sentence official, is there anypony who would like to give testimony for or against Miss Trebuchet?"

"Yes!" a small voice boldly proclaimed, and three young fillies trotted onto the stage.

Apple Bloom gave a quick nervous glance at the crowd, and then turned to the princesses and spoke.

"Uh, fillies and gentlecolts," she began. "And citizens of Equestria and whatnot. Uh, my name is Apple Bloom, and this here is Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo."

"You were...Miss Trebuchet's friends, is that correct?" asked the Princess.

The three fillies nodded.

"Yeah," said Apple Bloom. "We were her friends. And we just wanted to say this:

"When we first met Pyx, we all thought she was kinda weird. She talked all funny, and she said a lot of really strange things that made everypony uncomfortable. But then, we all got to know her and we realized there were a lot of really great things about her too, things that made her special."

She looked to the others for confirmation, and they both nodded their agreement.

"But then," she continued, "She suddenly turned into an evil alicorn queen for some reason. After that, we realized she was just plain awful!"

Her two friends nodded in agreement once again.

"Yeah!" added Sweetie Belle. "Like, this one time, we all decided to take a trip up to Canterlot and see how she was doing. All we wanted to do was cheer her up and maybe see if she needed our help ruling Equestria, but she threw us in a dungeon for like no reason, and kept us there for a month!"

"Yeah!" chimed in Scootaloo. "And she put us in a cell with her crazy mom, who was having some kind of war flashback or something!"

"Oh yeah," said Apple Bloom. "I remember that. She was like hallucinatin' or somethin'. I remember at one point, she thought we were gremlins who had come to steal her Lucky Charms, or somethin' like that, and she kept firin' magic-blasts at us out of her horn! We were scared outta our minds!"

Celestia furrowed her brow in concern, and turned to Pyx.

"Miss Trebuchet?" she asked. "Did you really do this? Did you really keep your friends locked in a dungeon for an entire month?"

Pyx looked at the ground.

"I...uh...well, I did, yes. But...I didn't really want to. That whole thing was my Minister's idea."

"What do you mean it was your Minister's idea?" demanded Scootaloo. "Was he the boss of you or something?"

Pyx looked extremely uncomfortable.

"Uh, no. I was his boss, actually."

"So...were you afraid of him? Like, was he threatening to hurt you if you didn't keep us locked up, or something like that?"

"Uh, no. He was actually pretty afraid of me, as I recall."

"So..." Sweetie Belle interjected. "Basically, what you're saying is that you didn't want to lock us in the dungeon, but some guy who works for you and was scared of you somehow forced you to do it. And then, even though you wanted to let us out, and there was nothing stopping you from letting us out any time you wanted, you decided to just leave us in there for a month anyway. With crazy Old Maid Sparkle firing frickin' laser beams at us, no less!"

Pyx looked at the ground again, unable to meet her friends' accusing stares.

"Uh, yeah, that's basically the gist of it I guess," she admitted.

She looked up hopefully.

"But...I did say I was sorry! And that whole experience really taught me a valuable lesson about friendship! Nipah~~!"

"Oh, well, that's just great Pyx!" said Apple Bloom with a bright, ecstatic smile. "We're really glad you learned somethin'! Wanna know what we learned a valuable lesson about?"

"Um...yes?"

"We learned that you can survive in a moldy ol' dungeon for a whole month just by eatin' stale bread crumbs and drinkin' toilet water! And you can even fend off the rats if you got a sharp enough stick! But the downside is that you spend most of your time in there wishing you were dead!"

She turned to Princess Celestia.

"Did ya get all that, your Highness? Or would you like me to put it in a letter for ya?"

"Uh...yes," said Princess Celestia. "I think I caught most of it."

"Oh yeah," said Sweetie Belle. "There's something else, too!"

She turned to Pyx.

"Who told you you could give away your Crusader cape to Twist?" she demanded.

"Um, well...nopony I guess..." Pyx stammered. "...it just...kinda felt like the right thing to do desu..."

"You can't just admit a new member to the Cutie Mark Crusaders without talking to us first!" cried Scootaloo.

"Yeah!" chimed in Sweetie Belle. "We have bylaws for that sort of thing! You have to introduce a motion and have it pass by at least a two-thirds vote! Twist came by the other day saying you'd made some kind of 'royal proclamation' and let her join the club, and it was really awkward for us!"

"That was mean of you, Pyx!" chided Apple Bloom. "Gettin' her hopes up like that!"

"Yeah, and she was really upset about it, too!" added Scootaloo. "You should have seen it. She made a huge scene when we told her she wasn't actually a Crusader. Sweetie Belle almost got bucked in the face trying to take that cape back from her."

Sweetie nodded in confirmation.

"Didn't you even stop to think that maybe there was a reason we didn't want Twist to be a Crusader in the first place?" she asked. "Like, how she spits everywhere, and she smells terrible, and she's super annoying? I mean, there was this one time, at Summer Camp, when she peed in her sleeping bag--"

"Um, thank you for your...enlightening testimony, girls!" Celestia cut in. "I think we've heard all that we need."

She turned to her sister, who nodded quickly.

"Why don't the three of you take your seats?" she offered.

The three Crusaders looked like they had a few more things that they wanted to say, but they reluctantly trundled off the stage. Apple Bloom pulled down one eyelid with a hoof and stuck her tongue out at Pyx as they walked by.

"You suck, Poochie!" hissed Scootaloo. "Don't hang around us anymore!"

"Nipaaaah~~!" said Sweetie Belle mockingly. Then she turned her back on Pyx with a loud "Hrrmph!"

"So anyway," she said to the others as they were walking away, "What should we do about finding a new fourth member? I really think we should re-evaluate the whole Lemon Pledge question......"

Meanwhile, Celestia cleared her throat.

"Erm, well then. Was there anypony else who wanted to testify?"

"Yes!"

Pyx's head shot up at the sound of the familiar voice. Twilight Sparkle, sweating profusely with her mane in disarray, stomped out onto the stage.

"I would like to testify!"

"Mommy!" cried Pyx.

She tried to run to her, but remembered too late that she had shackles around her legs. She took half a step forward, tripped, and fell flat on her face. However, Twilight quickly closed the distance between them, stomping angrily across the stage and glaring down at the filly.

"Don't you 'mommy' me, you little hellspawn!" Twilight snapped.

She turned to the Princesses.

"Do you want to know what this little monster did to me?" she demanded. "She locked me in a dungeon for...I don't even remember how long it was! But there were these three horrible little gremlins in there, and they kept trying to steal my Lucky Charms! I'm pretty sure I was able to fight them off, but when I came to, I found those three fillies that were just talking locked in there with me. The gremlins must have been hassling them too, because they were scared out of their wits! They kept hiding under the cot and crying, and they wouldn't even speak to me!"

"Uh, Twilight..." began Celestia. "Are you...absolutely sure that's how it happened?"

Twilight shook her head violently, and conked the side of it with a hoof to try and knock the cobwebs out.

"To be perfectly honest, Princess, I'm not sure of much of anything anymore," she admitted. "But I do have one question I'd like to ask the defendant...if it please the court."

Celestia glanced at the court prosecutor, who could only shrug helplessly and nod. Twilight wheeled around to face the terrified, shackled filly.

"Pyx," she began sweetly, "Do you have any idea what 'delirium tremens' means?"

Pyx shook her head nervously.

"N-no, Mommy..."

"Well, LOOK IT UP SOMETIME!!" shouted Twilight. "And when you understand what it is, try and imagine going through it while locked in a DUNGEON, with three terrified fillies screaming in your ear!!"

She turned back to Celestia.

"Princess, do you remember that thing we were talking about? With the...eh...little creatures and all?"

Celestia hesitated, and then nodded.

"Well, you can forget I ever brought it up! I'm done!" she turned to glare daggers at Pyx for a moment, and then continued. "That whole biological clock thing? I'm over it now. I'm just going to take Rarity's advice and get a cat or something!"

Everypony watched in silence as she descended from the stage, stalked across to the other side of the square, and entered the liquor store. She emerged a few moments later, an extra-jumbo-sized jug of Pone's Farm floating in her horn aura.

"If anypony needs me," she shouted, "I'll be in the library!"

She stomped off down the main road, uncorking the jug as she went.

Celestia watched as her student slowly disappeared over the horizon, and then she turned to Pyx and cleared her throat.

"Ahem. Er, in light of this...new testimony...I've reconsidered my sentence."

Pyx swallowed.

"Pyx Trebuchet. As you are no doubt aware from your brief tenure as ruler of Equestria, the traditional penalty in these cases is imprisonment on the moon. Given the...rather forceful testimony from these last-minute character witnesses, I think that a sentence of...oh, let's say a thousand years, would be just. What do you think, my sister?"

She turned to Luna, who was staring off into the distance with an odd expression on her face.

"There's very little oxygen on the moon," she said quietly, to nopony in particular.

Celestia looked uncomfortable for a moment, and then cleared her throat again.

"Well then," she said. "If there is nothing else, let us carry out this sentence immediately!"

A loud "huzzah!" went up from the crowd.

"Prepare the traditional moon-transportation device!" cried Celestia.

"I took the liberty of preparing it before the trial began, your Majesty," said the Prosecutor, bowing.

"Then the prisoner will please follow me!"

Celestia nodded to Pyx, who was unceremoniously lifted to her hooves by a pair of powerful guards who fell in on either side of her.

"W-wait a minute desu--" she began, but the Princess was already several steps ahead.

The guards prodded her roughly, and she was made to march forward. Somewhere, somepony was beating out a somber march on a snare drum. She inched forward step by step, the shackles limiting her movement and making the entire journey unbearable.

At the bottom of the stairs stood a large trebuchet. Pyx wasn't quite sure how she had failed to notice it before, and yet there it was. For some reason, Spike was leaning against the launch lever. He wore a white, wide-brimmed, feathered pimp's hat cocked at a jaunty angle, and when he saw the procession approaching, he flashed them a mischievous grin.

"Mind if I do the honors?" he asked.

Princess Celestia smiled indulgently.

"Certainly, Spike," she said. "You've probably earned it. Also, it only makes sense seeing as how you're the only one present with opposable thumbs. I'm honestly not even sure why ponies would build a device like this, and yet here it is."

"Here it is," whispered Luna, staring at the device like she knew it well. She still had that faraway look in her eye.

Struggling now, Pyx was seized roughly by the guards and fitted into the sling.

"P-please, Princess Celestia!" she begged. "I-I swear I've learned my lesson, desu! I'll never take over Equestria and put my friends and family in a dungeon again, I swear! Nipah~~!!"

Celestia smiled sadly.

"I wish I could believe you," she said. "But I'm afraid my decision is final. Spike, if you would please."

The dragon nodded, and after giving Pyx a brief smirk and salute, he turned to the unicorn with the snare drum.

"Drumroll please!"

The unicorn obliged. Everypony held their breath as the drumroll built, and then finally Spike yanked the lever with a flourish, and the trebuchet launched its payload.

"TUTTURUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU~~!"

Pyx's long, mournful cry echoed across Equestria until it was out of earshot, as a green streak with a black and white racing stripe arced gracefully against the clear blue sky.

Princess Luna stood, watching in silence until it had vanished into the center of a ghostly, half-visible disc that floated in the afternoon haze.

"Bang, zoom," she said in a solemn whisper. "Straight to the moon!"