Chapter Three: Twilight Sparkle Really Wants a Baby

"So...you just found some lost filly in the woods and decided to bring her home with you?"

Spike and Twilight stood together at the edge of Twilight's bed, watching the little filly slumber.

"Shhhh," admonished Twilight in a whisper. "Don't wake her up."

Spike scowled at her, and rubbed some more ointment on his celery-soup burns.

"I oughta wake her up and strangle her," he grumbled. "And besides, she could probably sleep through just about anything now. She drank like half a bottle of wine."

"That wasn't my fault, Spike," said Twilight.

"I never said that it was."

"Well, good. Because it wasn't."

"You did leave it out, though."

"It got knocked over. I didn't think there was anything left in the bottle."

"Well, obviously there was."

The two of them stood in silence for a few moments, watching the sleeping filly.

"She is going to have a mighty big headache tomorrow, though," said Twilight.

"Yeah, you would know," Spike retorted. Then, after a moment: "So, what are you going to call her?"

"I was thinking of calling her 'Pyx'. On account of how that's all she seems to be able to say."

Spike rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, real original."

"Well, do you have any better suggestions?"

"How about Trebuchet? On account of how I plan on using one to send her back to the Everfree Forest where she belongs."

"Not on your life, buster!" admonished Twilight.

Spike sighed heavily.

"Oh, come on, Twilight. What are you planning to do with her? Just keep her locked up in here like a pet?"

"Why not? That's what I do with you."

"Yeah, but--"

"But what?"

"But you can't just decide to adopt some random foal you found in the woods! What about her parents?"

"Look at her, Spike. She's an alicorn! Who could her parents possibly be?"

"That just makes it worse! Who even knows where she came from?"

"All the more reason she needs somepony to take care of her."

"All the more reason we shouldn't get involved!"

"She needs a mother, Spike."

"She probably has one already!"

Twilight scoffed.

"What kind of mother lets her filly go wandering around in the Everfree Forest unprotected?" she demanded.

"Gee, I don't know, maybe the same kind of mother that gives her filly half a bottle of wine before bedtime?"

"I didn't give it to her, Spike, she just drank it on her own!"

"Are you seriously going to split hairs on that?"

Twilight sighed.

"Come on, Spike. Look at her! Look at how helpless and adorable she is! All alone, with nopony to look after her..."

Twilight gazed lovingly at the sleeping filly, who suddenly belched. Spike wrinkled his nose at the aroma of half-digested wine wafting up at them.

"You honestly think the Princess will sign off on this?" he demanded.

Twilight smiled mischievously.

"She won't have to if she doesn't know about it."

Spike's jaw dropped.

"Now you're just being crazy!" he blustered. "There are rules for this kind of thing, Twilight! Do you have any idea what could happen to you if you get labeled a foal-napper? Remember what happened to Rainbow Dash when she tried to 'adopt' Scootaloo?"

Twilight waved her hoof dismissively.

"Slap on the fetlock," she said. "They made her take some classes and put her name on a registry, that was it."

"Twilight...this is serious. You've pulled some stunts before, but this...you could get sent to the moon for this!"

"Spike, can't you see that anypony getting sent to the moon is exactly the scenario I'm trying to prevent?!?"

Spike just stared at her blankly.

It finally happened, he thought. She finally cracked.

In his mind, he was already composing the letter. "Dear Princess Celestia," it went, "After a long, grueling battle, Twilight's sanity has finally passed on into the next world. Please send a couple of strong muscular stallions in white coats to pick her up and take her back to Canterlot. Give her a nice padded room, with lots of sunlight and fresh air, where she can finally get the professional help she so desperately needs. Signed: your faithful student's long-suffering dragon assistant, Spike."

Twilight, seeing that Spike was not comprehending her, grunted in exasperation and pointed at the sleeping filly.

"Look at her!" she cried.

The filly stirred a little in her sleep.

"Look at her," said Twilight again, in a softer voice.

Spike looked.

"Yeah?"

"Do you see?"

"Um...yes?"

"So you understand why we can't tell the Princess about her?"

Spike looked at the filly, then back at Twilight, then back at the filly again.

"Uh...because you gave her half a bottle of wine?"

Twilight snorted.

"LOOK AT HER!" she insisted. "Look at those wings! That horn! Those eyes! Doesn't she remind you of anypony?"

Spike looked again.

"Uh..."

"Look, Spike!"

Spike kept looking.

"Who does she remind you of?"

"Uh........Flurry Heart?" he said finally.

"Who?!?"

Spike shrugged.

"I'm sorry, Twilight. I have no idea what you're talking about, so I just made up the silliest name I could think of."

In frustration, Twilight grabbed Spike's head between her hooves and turned it to look at Pyx.

"It's Nightmare Moon!" she hissed.

Spike was alarmed.

"What? Where?"

"No, I mean Pyx!" said Twilight, again turning his head around to face the filly. "Look at her! She's a dead ringer for Nightmare Moon!"

Spike stared.

"Um, did Nightmare Moon always have a racing stripe in her hair?"

"Forget the racing stripe, Spike!"

She let go of Spike's head and placed her front legs over Pyx's mane.

"Ignore her mane. Doesn't she look an awful lot like Nightmare Moon?"

Spike shrugged.

"Sorry, Twilight. Honestly, without manes, all of you ponies kind of look the same to me."

Twilight's aura glowed, and gently lifted up one of Pyx's eyelids. The reptilian eye squinted at them.

"How about now?"

"Uh, sorry. Still not seeing it."

Twilight grunted. Her aura faded and Pyx's eyelid closed again. Pyx yawned, belched, and rolled over.

"Look Spike, you're just going to have to take my word on this one. This pony is the reincarnation of Nightmare Moon!"

In his mind, Spike made a postscript to his letter to Celestia: "PS: Please send help as quickly as possible. I fear for my safety and for the safety of everypony around me."

"Uh, if you say so, Twilight," was all he said out loud. "But, uh, if she's...uh...Nightmare Moon, isn't that all the more reason we should tell the Princess about her?"

"NO!! Because we don't know that she's Nightmare Moon! But if she is Nightmare Moon, the Princess will send her to the moon! And she might send me to the moon as well! After all, if I'm harboring Nightmare Moon, that means I'm aiding and abetting Nightmare Moon! And that's almost as bad as being Nightmare Moon! You don't know the Princess, Spike! You don't know what she's really like! She sends ponies to the moon all the time, Spike! Ponies who aren't even Nightmare Moon at all! Look at poor little Pyx, Spike! Would you really want that to happen to her?!? Would you want her to be sent off to the moon?!? With the freezing cold, and the lack of oxygen, and the incredibly low gravity, and the mysterious dark side that Ponk Floyd sang about?!? Oh, sweet Celestia, I couldn't live with that on my conscience--"

As Twilight continued her manic babble, Spike was edging slowly towards the pen and parchment on the bureau.

In the end, Spike decided not to send his letter. It wasn't because Twilight had ordered him, or even begged him, not to send it. At the time, she was so focused on Pyx that she didn't even realize he'd written a letter; he could have easily sent it off to the Princess without arousing the slightest suspicion. But for some reason, he didn't send it.

To the end of his days, he was never quite certain what had stayed his claw that night. It may have been that he felt sorry for young Pyx, all alone in the world with nopony to take care of her. Or perhaps he was afraid of what the Princess might do to her, in the event that she really was Nightmare Moon, or Nightmare Moon's reincarnation, or something something Nightmare Moon, or whatever Twilight thought she was exactly.

However, although these things may have played a part, it was most likely Twilight herself that made up his mind for him. As he stood there at the bureau, holding his claw behind his back and frantically scribbling his missive to the Princess, there was something in his oldest friend's behavior that gave him pause. Something about the way she was standing at her own bedside, foregoing sleep and holding vigil while little Pyx slept. Something about the way she sang softly to her, one of those old Ponish songs she used to sing to him when he was younger. Something about the way she attended to Pyx when she suddenly started to cough up winey vomit. Something about the way she rolled Pyx over on her side so she wouldn't end up like Poni Hendrix. Something about the way she mopped the puke off of the pillow so Pyx wouldn't have to sleep in it. Yes, there was something...something almost motherly about all of it.

Or...maybe not. Maybe it was something even simpler that moved him. Maybe it was just pity. Pity for the both of them. Or, maybe he realized that Twilight just needed this. Maybe these two idiots...needed each other.

Whatever it was, his scribbling began to slow, and then finally stopped. He watched them for a moment longer, and then he coughed.

Twilight turned to look at him.

"Something the matter, Spike?"

"Oh no, I've just got something in my throat is all," he said.

He coughed again, and a third time. Each time he did, he crumpled the letter a little more, until finally it was just a tiny little ball he could hide in his claw.

"I think I'm going to head to bed, Twilight," he said. "It's getting late. You need anything before I go?"

Twilight smiled.

"No, I'm okay, Spike. Thanks for asking."

He headed downstairs, tossing the wadded-up letter into the fireplace on the way to the kitchen.

Twilight had more or less put the kitchen to right, but things were still a little out of order. Spike set about rearranging the pots and jars and things on the shelves, until everything was back the way it was supposed to be. He sighed. What would Twilight ever do without me? he wondered.

When he was finished, he put a kettle on the stove, and set about making his evening cup of cocoa. While the water slowly heated up, he went to his sleeping corner and changed back into his dressing gown.

Maybe this will be good for Twilight, he thought to himself, as he refilled his pipe with bubble-liquid. It might even teach her some responsibility, like having a pet or something. She might even get a letter to the Princess out of it:

'Dear Princess Celestia: today I learned that foal-napping is okay sometimes......because something something, Friendship is Magic.'

The kettle began to whistle, and he hurried back to the kitchen to take it off the burner.

"On the other claw," he said out loud. "Maybe that's not such a good idea. Maybe I should just hope she doesn't end up getting thrown in a dungeon or sent to the gallows or something."

He thought about it a moment longer, and then he shrugged. It was a sticky situation to be sure, but sometimes...sometimes you just had to listen to your heart.

If nothing else, he thought, maybe she'll at least lay off the sauce a little from now on.

Unfortunately for Spike, he would soon discover that he had been wrong, on literally all counts. Soon he would learn that there are indeed times when it's best to listen to your heart. However, there are also times when it's best to realize that your heart has no idea what it's talking about.