Chapter Four: Rarity Actually has Terrible Fashion Sense

The following morning, Spike woke up early so he could get breakfast ready. However, to his surprise, Twilight was already seated at the kitchen table. Her eyes had heavy bags underneath them; she didn't look like she'd slept at all.

"Oh, hey Spike," said Twilight. "I was just about to wake you up. Could you fix me some oats?"

Spike grunted.

"I live to serve you, my liege," he said dryly.

"Please, Spike, don't get cute. I'm not in the mood for it."

"When I'm being cute I'll tell you. Anyway, you look awful. Didn't you get any sleep at all?"

Twilight yawned.

"I think I nodded off a little around four or five."

"Well, that's something at least. Want some coffee?"

"Yes please."

Spike filled the kettle and put it on the stove, alongside a pot of water for the oats.

"So, uh, any sign yet of 'she who shall not be named?'" he asked.

As if on cue, there came a sound of tiny hooves clip-clopping down the staircase. Twilight's expression brightened.

"Well hay there, little miss sunshine!" she said.

Pyx stared blankly from Twilight to Spike and back again. Her mane was a complete mess, and bright red streaks of bloodshot ran through the whites of her eyes.

"M-my head hurts..." she said.

"Well, that's because you got into Mommy's happy-juice last night, you naughty little filly!" chirped Twilight. "Hey, wait a minute, did you just talk?"

Pyx blinked.

"Uh...yeah? Should I not have?"

Spike walked over to the kitchen table, holding a jug full of cream for Twilight's coffee.

"Oh, good morning Trebuchet!" he said.

"Tre-trebuchet?"

The little filly looked confused.

"Spike!" Twilight glared daggers at her dragon, who smirked. "I told you not to call her that! And why don't you have your apron on?"

Spike grunted, dropped the jug on the table, and stalked out of the kitchen.

"My name is Trebuchet?" the filly was looking inquisitively at Twilight. Twilight shook her head.

"Don't be silly," she said, "Your name is Pyx, isn't it?"

"Pyx?"

"Isn't that your name?"

"My name?"

The filly looked confused again.

"Don't you have a name?"

"Of course she has a name," said Spike, reentering the room with his apron on. "She just can't remember it, can she? She's just a cute wittle filly-willy with a bad case of amnesia-wesia, isn't she?"

He rumpled the filly's already-rumpled mane as he walked past her, pushing into her scalp hard enough to make her grimace. Twilight shot him a dirty look.

"Tell you what," he went on, smirking back at Twilight. "We'll give you three tries to guess what your name is, and if you can't guess it, you have to go back to the Everfree Forest forever!"

"SPIKE!!" Twilight was exasperated.

However, the filly looked at Spike with a completely serious expression.

"Hmm...I get three guesses?"

Spike nodded brightly.

"Absolutely!"

"What happens if I guess right on the first try?"

Her confidence threw him off balance a little.

"Uh, well, you get--"

"I'll tell you what you get," Twilight cut in. "If you guess right on the first try, I'll make Spike put on that full-body teddy bear costume I got him for last year's Hearth's Warming that he never wears for some reason."

"What?!?"

"And he has to wear it all day!"

"Hey, wait a minute..."

The filly considered this for a second, and then nodded enthusiastically.

"All right!" she said.

Her brow furrowed in concentration.

"My name is......" her furrow deepened. "My name is..."

Her expression suddenly brightened again.

"Pyx Trebuchet!" she beamed.

"WHAT?!?" bellowed Spike.

Twilight grinned at him.

"You heard her, Spike! Her name is Pyx Trebuchet!"

"Oh, come on--"

"Nope, rules are rules!"

"But--she just--"

"Can you prove that her name isn't Pyx Trebuchet?"

"Uh......no."

Spike looked back and forth between Twilight and the filly, realizing too late that the jaws of the trap had already closed around him.

"Well, then that settles it!" said Twilight. She turned to the filly. "Your name is Pyx Trebuchet, and from now on we will just call you Pyx for short!"

"Pyx!" agreed Pyx, smiling happily.

Spike glared at her.

"I already hate you more than words can describe," he muttered.

"What was that, Spike?" asked Twilight. "It sure didn't sound like a dragon heading off to put on his full-body teddy bear costume!"

Spike stomped out of the room, grumbling as he went, wearing the expression of a condemned man on his way to the gallows.

An hour later, Twilight was trotting gaily down Ponyville's main thoroughfare, in the direction of Carousel Boutique. Her horn was aglow, and in its aura floated the handle of a long leash, the other end of which was attached to a collar. The collar was fastened securely around the neck of a teddy bear with the face of a baby dragon, who plodded dully alongside her.

"Twilight, this is humiliating!" whispered Spike.

"For the last time, Spike, you lost a bet!" said Twilight cheerily. "Be a dragon and take your punishment!"

"Yeah, I know, but..." he trailed off. The mares on the street kept looking at him, whispering and giggling to each other. His cheeks burned, and he stared at the ground.

"Why did I have to come?" he demanded suddenly. "I thought the whole point was to not draw attention!"

"The point was to not draw attention to Pyx," said Twilight. "That's why we're using you as a distraction. You're doing an excellent job, by the way!"

Spike muttered something unintelligible but murderous-sounding.

"Oh, cheer up, Spike!" continued Twilight pleasantly. "Besides, I thought you'd be excited about going to see Rarity!"

"Well, that depends," said Spike.

"Depends on what?"

"On whether you're willing to kill me and dump my body in the river before she sees me in this thing."

"No such luck, Spikey-Wikey!" chirped Twilight.

Pyx, who was more or less following Twilight's instruction to stay hidden under her mane, poked her head out once again to take a quick, curious look at the town. She noticed Spike watching her, and smiled happily at him. Spike glared at her in response.

"Just you wait," he muttered. "One of these nights, I'm going to throttle you in your your sleep."

Pyx stuck out her tongue, and ducked back inside Twilight's mane.

"Oh, Spikey-Wikey, you look simply adorable!!" Rarity cried as she opened the door.

Twilight trotted calmly into the shop while her unicorn friend fussed and fretted over Spike, who looked like he wanted to take a flying leap off the Manehattan Bridge. She glanced around; good, there were no other customers in the store.

"Rarity, are you busy right now?" she asked.

Rarity turned her attention away from Teddy-Spike.

"Not just at the moment, darling," she said.

"Would you mind closing up your shop for a bit?"

"For how long?"

"Oh, not too long. Maybe half an hour or so."

"Well, I suppose it's possible," mused Rarity, "I don't usually get busy until after lunchtime anyway. But what is this about, darling?"

"I have a request for you, and it's a bit...delicate."

"Oh, I see," said Rarity. She leaned forward and whispered. "Have you finally decided to do something about your mane?"

"What? My mane?" Twilight looked confused. "No, that's not it at all. What's wrong with my mane?"

"Er...nothing, darling. Forget I said anything." Her horn glowed, and the lock to the door slid into place. She flipped the sign hanging in the window from 'Open' to 'Closed.' "Now, tell me what I can do for you."

"Well..." said Twilight.

Her horn lit up, and she levitated out a little black bundle that had been tucked underneath her mane. Rarity frowned, and took a couple of tentative steps closer. Then, suddenly, there was a bright flash, and Pyx appeared in the air in front of her.

"NIPAAAAH~~!" she beamed.

"WAAAH!!" cried Rarity, taking several surprised steps backward. There was a yowl and a hiss as she accidentally stepped on the tail of Opalescence, her pet cat.

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry, Opal dear," she said. The cat hissed again in response, and darted into a pile of fabrics in the corner, where it continued to watch all of them suspiciously.

Meanwhile, Pyx had fallen to the floor with a plop, and was now seated on her haunches, looking curiously around at Rarity's store. Rarity appraised her with interest.

"Why, Twilight," she said. "You have...a filly? Is she...er...yours?"

"Not...exactly..." admitted Twilight.

"Oh, so you adopted her! How absolutely smashing!"

"Well...not quite. It's not exactly..." she trailed off, searching for the right word.

"...legal?" offered Spike.

"Oh, be quiet Spike!" said Twilight. "No; well, I mean yes, it's not exactly legal, but it's not exactly illegal either, I just--"

"--abducted a strange foal you found lost in the woods, without bothering to alert the proper authorities?" finished Spike.

"Oh......go put your apron on!" Twilight cried, exasperated.

"It's all the way back at the tree," said Spike. "And besides, it won't fit over the teddy bear costume."

"I'll make it fit!" snapped Twilight.

"Twilight, darling," interjected Rarity. "You really mustn't get so worked up!"

She glanced at Pyx, who was still smiling brightly and looking around the store. She pulled her friend aside confidentially.

"Is she...hot?" she whispered.

"Hot?" asked Twilight, confused.

"Yes, dear; hot. You know: stolen, foal-napped, abducted, absconded with; that sort of thing. Somepony the gendarmerie might be looking for?"

"What? No! At least, I don't think so. I just found her in the woods. She was all alone...with nopony to take care of her..."

Twilight had that wistful, motherly look in her eye again. Spike rolled his eyes.

"Oh, well, then there's nothing to be concerned about, is there?" said Rarity pleasantly.

"Umm...really?"

Twilight stared at Pyx, then back at Rarity, then at Spike, then back at Rarity.

"Really...?" she asked again.

"Why of course, darling. Whatever did you think the matter was?"

"Well, it's just that you seem to be taking this awfully well."

"How else should I take it, darling?"

"I don't know...I mean, I appreciate your being so calm about it, but..."

Rarity sighed.

"Look, darling," she said. "There's really nothing to worry about; trust me. We all have that...impulse...at times."

"Impulse?"

"Yes, dear, it's your biological clock."

"My biological clock?"

"Why, of course! That natural impulse that all mares have to...you know. Multiply, fructify, procreate. To experience the joys of motherhood."

"Oh, well, I mean..."

"Don't be embarrassed, darling; as I said, it happens to all of us. Don't you remember what Rainbow Dash tried to do with Scootaloo?"

"The whole town remembers that, Rarity."

"Of course! And nothing serious happened to her, did it? A quick fine, a few therapy sessions, a restraining order, and the whole matter was swept cleanly under the rug. Absolutely nothing to worry about, darling. You see? We all do silly things from time to time; Celestia is quite understanding about it..."

"Um, well, actually, I know Princess Celestia, and she's really not that understanding; she can actually get pretty crazy sometimes..."

Rarity continued talking; she was completely ignoring her now.

"...oh, and I can certainly understand how it must be for you, all cooped up in that library, studying all the time..."

"I like studying."

"...and you've simply no hope of finding a stallion, not in your current state..."

"Wait, what? A stallion?!? Hey, what do you mean, 'in my current state'?"

Rarity blinked, as if she'd forgotten Twilight was even in the room. She cleared her throat.

"Oh. Well, yes dear. There's your mane, and the constant drinking, and then, well...how do I put this delicately..."

She leaned forward and whispered:

"You've put on a bit of weight, darling."

"Wait, what?!?" demanded Twilight. "What's wrong with my--"

She shook her head angrily. She didn't have time for this.

"Look, can you help me or not?!?"

Rarity looked a bit confused.

"Help you? Oh, well, darling, all you really need to do is exercise a little and cut back on the sweets--"

"Not with my weight!" shouted Twilight. "With...you know. Her!"

She pointed with her hoof. Pyx was in the corner, tentatively poking at Opalescence. The fat, fluffy cat growled and took an angry swipe at her nose with a claw. Pyx teleported a few feet backwards in alarm.

Rarity glanced at the foal and then back at Twilight.

"What exactly is the matter with her, darling?"

"RRRRRRRGH!" cried Twilight. "LOOK at her! I can't exactly walk around town with her, looking like that, can I?"

Rarity shrugged.

"I suppose the racing stripe is a bit much, but honestly you could cover that up with some dye--"

"I'm not talking about her racing stripe!" cried Twilight. "I like the racing stripe!! It makes her go faster!!"

"She does look like she could go pretty fast," admitted Rarity.

"I'm talking about......RRRRGH!!" cried Twilight again. "Just LOOK! Look at her wings! Look at her horn! She's an alicorn for crying out loud!!"

Rarity laughed.

"Oh, darling, is that all you're worried about? Why, alicorn foals are all the rage this season! If anything, the other ponies will be absolutely green with envy that you've managed to find one, and an authentic one at that! I must admit I'm a little jealous myself; I would love to have a little alicorn filly to show off around town! Why, just the other night, I got into the most awful row with Sweetie Belle! I designed the cutest little set of wings for her, and she refused to put them on, so I had to chastise her quite severely--"

"Look, never mind about all that!" Twilight interjected quickly. "It's not just that she's an alicorn! Look at her eyes! Doesn't she...you know? Remind you of anypony?"

Rarity looked. She didn't see anything. She trotted over to where Pyx was now pushing some rolls of fabric around on the carpet.

"Please leave that alone, darling, I've only just organized it," she said. "Now look up here, I need to see your eyes."

Pyx looked up in surprise as the older unicorn seized her chin lightly in a magic aura and turned her head back and forth to examine her. Rarity studied the eyes for a few moments and let her go.

Twilight was watching her expectantly.

"Well......?" she asked.

"Well......" said Rarity.

The silence endured for a few seconds.

"......does she remind you of anypony...?" Twilight finished.

"Er, well, she does sort of look like...a reptokitty?"

"RRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!!" shouted Twilight. "SHE LOOKS LIKE--"

She suddenly caught herself, realizing that Spike and Pyx were staring at her. She covered her mouth, wrapped a foreleg around Rarity, and pulled her aside.

"SHE LOOKS LIKE NIGHTMARE MOON!!" she hissed.

Rarity glanced over her shoulder, studied the foal for a moment, and then looked back at Twilight.

"I'm afraid I don't see it, darling."

Twilight was beside herself.

"How could you not see it?!?" she hissed. "I mean, LOOK AT HER!! She's the spitting image of Nightmare Moon!!!"

Rarity glanced at the filly again, shrugged, and then cleared her throat.

"Erm, Twilight if it's not a delicate question, how much wine have you had to drink this morning?"

Twilight waved a hoof dismissively.

"Oh, like three...maybe four glasses at the most. I'm not hallucinating, Rarity! Do you honestly not see it?"

Rarity smiled apologetically.

"I'm afraid I don't, darling. But, I am happy for you that you've found such a wonderful and...unique foal for yourself. And I do hope Celestia doesn't try to take her away from you. However, I really must get the shop back open--"

"Hold on!" cried Twilight. "Look, the reason I came over here today is...I wanted to call in that favor."

"Favor?"

Rarity's expression was blank.

"Yeah. Remember? Yesterday, you said you owed me a favor."

"I did?" Rarity blinked. "Oh wait, yes; I remember that now. But darling, I didn't expect you to take me so literally--"

"I take everything literally!" proclaimed Twilight. "Now then, here is what I want you to do: Rig up some kind of vest or something for Pyx to hide her wings, and find her a pair of glasses she can wear. I'll enchant the glasses, and that should hide her eyes. Also, if anypony asks: she's my cousin and she's visiting from Detrot!"

"Err...okay, darling. I'll go in the back and see what I have in stock that would fit her."

About ten minutes later, Rarity, Twilight and Spike stood in a small circle around Pyx, examining Rarity's latest...creation. The small filly was clad in a slightly ill-fitting leopard-print vest, her mane swept backwards behind a cheap leopard-print headband. A pair of glasses with thick black frames sat on her nose. The glasses had been enchanted by Twilight, and her eyes, while still the same shade of turquoise, now looked like those of an ordinary filly.

Twilight rubbed a hoof under her muzzle, appraising her friend's work.

"Well, she looks pretty much normal," she admitted finally. "The vest hides her wings, and as long as she keeps her glasses on her eyes shouldn't be a problem. Um...do you really think that leopard print is the best choice for her though?"

"Of course, darling," assured Rarity. "Leopard print is just one of those things that never goes out of style, like cargo shorts or baseball caps. And just look at her! Doesn't she look simply adorable?"

Pyx had her chest puffed out and was looking perfectly thrilled with herself, strutting back and forth in front of the mirror.

"Well, I guess if she's happy with it..." mused Twilight. "How do you like your new clothes, Pyx?"

Pyx smiled brightly.

"Nipah~~!" she beamed.

Rarity looked confused.

"Nee-pah?" she whispered.

Twilight shrugged.

"Don't ask me; she just started doing that. Anyway, thanks for your help."

"Don't mention it, darling! Anything to help one of my dear, dear friends!"

"How much for the clothes? I'm not sure how much I have on me, but--"

"Oh, I wouldn't think of charging you, Twilight! It's as you said, I owed you a favor; and I am the Element of Generosity after all. Just be sure that if anypony asks you where your...er, cousin...got her fabulous outfit, you tell them to head for Rarity's Carousel Boutique! And if you like, you can also put in a good word for me to the line of customers that have been waiting patiently outside my door while I helped you attire your stolen filly free of charge."

"Err...yeah. I'll be sure to do that," said Twilight. "Thanks again, Rarity."

"Certainly, darling! I'll see you later. Goodbye, Pyx~! Goodbye, Spikey-Wikey~!"

Rarity unlocked the door and switched her 'Closed' sign back to 'Open'. Twilight, Spike and Pyx stepped out into the sunshine. About seven or eight mares were lined up outside, tapping their hooves impatiently. Several of them gave Twilight a dirty look as she walked by.

Author's Note

A note on Pyx's speech:

There is a trope in anime in which the protagonist discovers a lost amnesiac girl somewhere and takes her home with him I am not sure what the technical term for this is, but I assure you that I am a certified anime pro and you can take my word that it exists. The girl is usually mute when first encountered, although she may often repeat a single cute word over and over, which then becomes her name; however, most of the time she conveniently regains her entire vocabulary before it starts getting annoying. The girl will also usually turn out to be some kind of super-powered-something-or-other that someone powerful or evil discarded by mistake. Examples of this would be Chobits, This Ugly Yet Beautiful World, Elfen Lied, DearS, and probably a few others.

In satirizing an iconic OC like Nyx, I wanted to make sure that Pyx was as insufferable a character as I could possibly make her. And, since the premise of Past Sins always reminded me of this sort of anime, I decided to make Pyx into an annoying composite of various anime girls. The catch phrases she uses throughout the story are all famous anime catch phrases: