To Soothe the Neurotic Beast

Fluttershy finished her route (the squirrel couple had been doing well, thank you for checking, please go away so we can go back to our nap), and promptly returned straight home. And just as promptly, divested herself of the socks and the bow, tossed away the sandals, and took her mane and tail down.

Now she was having a lie-down with the shades drawn in her bedroom, experiencing a nice afternoon anxiety attack.

And it was not a panic attack. She was very definite about that. Those came on very suddenly and had very specific, unpleasant symptoms. An anxietyattack, on the other hoof, was just a prolonged sensation of heightened anxiety, experienced by those who already suffered from anxiety.

She knew this because she had read the relevant chapter in the textbook that Twilight had given her shortly after they had met. The unicorn had explained that she had similar problems, and that understanding her own symptoms had helped to better combat them.

Thinking about this, of course only made Fluttershy feel worse.

What kind of friend was she?

She had seen the flash of horrified self-loathing on Twilight's face in the instant after she realized what she had done. Then, the way the terror had set in, lightning-fast.

Fluttershy was intimately familiar with the experience. She'd make some faux pas, and everything would stop. All sound would quiet, all motion would halt. Every pony nearby would turn to look at her. Then, her face would burn, her gut would churn, and a slow, steady pressure would build up around her temples; the psychic pressure of so many ponies' judgement. Then came the knowledge, from deep in her soul, that all the ponies watching were just having their suspicions confirmed. They already suspected her. Now they could rest easy in their certainty, thinking about how disgusting she was, how strange she was, and how glad they were that she didn't have anything to do with them.

The knowledge that, no matter how far she ran, or flew, or hid, she would have to face those ponies again. The disgust in their stares would streak invisibly across her body, leaving her feeling filthy in her own coat, as though she'd been rolling in tar and rancid offal.

She had done that to Twilight.

On purpose.

And all for what? So she could test out some stupid suspicion? Who was she fooling? She needed to be honest with herself. All of that had been an elaborate scheme in service of her own cowardice. It was even thematically-appropriate cowardice! A scientific experiment for her scientific friend. How sweet.

How horrible.

All because she was too much of a coward to ask outright. How hard could it be?

Just walk up to Twilight.

Open her mouth.

And ask.

Hello Twilight. I noticed you've been acting a little strange lately.

And then Twilight would laugh nervously, deflect, and Fluttershy would be too afraid to pursue the question.

Because she was a coward.

She'd subjected Twilight to a singularly mortifying, humiliating experience all because she lacked the fortitude to simply endure a single awkward conversation.

Some Bearer of Kindness she was. She couldn't even do her friend the kindness of just leaving her be. Next thing she knew, she—

Three sharp knocks at her bedroom door.

Taptaptap! "Fluttershy?" came a muffled voice, "Are you in there? It's nearly time for our appointment! Are you feeling well?"

Fluttershy shot upright, a spike of adrenaline blasting through her. Rarity. Here for their spa visit. Their spa visit that was this afternoon. Their spa visit that they'd scheduled in advance two weeks ago.

Their spa visit that she had completely forgotten about.

How had Rarity even gotten in? She'd locked both the front door and her bedroom!

"I apologize if I'm intruding, dear, but I tried knocking, and calling at the front door. It was locked, but Angel Bunny was kind enough to let me in!"

Fluttershy groaned and fell back to the bed with a muted thump. Having concerned friends and loyal pets was truly a curse.

"Just a minute," she called back.

Then, she poured herself off the bed and shuffled over to the door before unlatching it. She hesitated for a long moment before opening it slowly, staring at the floor. "...hi, Rarity," she said to the floorboards.

Rarity, who had known Fluttershy for quite some time, looked first at Fluttershy, then the socks strewn haphazardly across the floor. Her gaze moved to the sandals flung negligently into the corner, then finally back to Fluttershy herself.

"...right. Tea first, and then you're coming with me."

"Oh, um, Rarity, I really don't—"

"Ah-bupubpbup!" Rarity interrupted. "I absolutely shall not take no for an answer! We have known each other for entirely too long for you to push me away that easily. We both know that I am familiar with this mood of yours, and that the remedy is almost always tea and company. And, well, the spa never hurts. Now, I shall go downstairs, and I shall prepare a pot of tea. I expect you down by the time it has finished steeping."

And Rarity wheeled around and trotted downstairs. Fluttershy stood in her bedroom doorway, blinking. A flash of white caught her eye, and she turned. Angel Bunny was standing at the stop of the landing, looking at her with his forepaws crossed, sporting a smug expression. After a moment of smirking, he turned and followed Rarity down the stairs.

Fluttershy sighed, and trudged down.

In the end, it had taken two pots of tea and the entire spa trip to explain what had happened. Rarity had, quite uncharacteristically, been a mostly-silent audience. They had returned to Fluttershy's cottage, and made one more pot of tea at Rarity's insistence.

"And well, you know the rest," Fluttershy finally concluded as she curled her tail around herself. She lay upon her sofa, and Rarity sat in the seat opposite. Fluttershy's mane was still damp from the spa visit, and she shivered a little. She closed her eyes. "Do you think I'm a terrible pony?"

Rarity gave a fond sigh. "Oh, Fluttershy, darling, is that what you've been worried about all afternoon? Good heavens, no!" She set her teacup down, leaned forward, and met Fluttershy's eyes. "I understand your distress, and I admit that I think your methods were certainly a touch unorthodox. But," her eyes gleamed, "I must admire your resolve. Your plan was quite daring! I'm proud of you."

Fluttershy blinked. "What? Why?"

Rarity gently took Fluttershy's forehoof in her own. "Because what you did took an incredible amount of courage to even contemplate. Let alone actually put into action!" She patted Fluttershy's hoof. "I know how uncomfortable you are dressing up like that, especially after the Photo Finish fiasco."

"But..." Fluttershy frowned. "You don't think what I did was... cruel, or manipulative?"

"Well..." Rarity sighed, and turned away, her mouth twisting. "It was certainly manipulative, yes. I don't believe I would call it cruel—certainly not intentionally so. And no matter what others may say, intentions do count for something." She turned back to Fluttershy. "But truthfully dear, I find myself mostly relieved. You see, the rest of us have been trying to get to the bottom of Twilight's little issue for weeks now! And with absolutely no progress! She kept dodging the question. You're the first of us to make any progress whatsoever, and you've gotten to the heart of it in no time at all!"

The others...

...had been investigating as well?

Fluttershy buried her face in her hooves. "I'm so stupid."

Rarity gave a gentle, amused smile. "Hardly. It's not as though we shared."

Fluttershy peeked out from between her hooves. "What did everypony else do?"

"Well..." Rarity rolled her eyes. "Applejack flatly refused to discuss it. Insisted it was Twilight's own business, and no one else's. Rainbow Dash was intrigued for a day or two, and then lost interest when it became apparent that—heavens forefend—some discretion would be required. And Pinkie brushed it off, claiming that she didn't see a problem. I half expect that she somehow already knew, and didn't understand our concern.

"As for not telling you... I was afraid it would only make you worry. I suppose it was foolish to imagine that you wouldn't notice Twilight's behavior." She sighed, and shook her head. "I would say that this would make a wonderful friendship report, but I believe we've covered the values of open communication several different ways already."

Fluttershy giggled. "You would think that we would learn, wouldn't you?"

Rarity flopped backward into her chair, swept one foreleg over her face. "Alas! We foolish mortals are cursed to forever repeat our mistakes." She uncovered her face. "Now, the real question. What are we going to do about all this? We have our answer, but what is our approach?"

A contemplative silence—punctuated by tea sipping—descended.

Finally, Fluttershy spoke. "I think we need to check one last thing," she said. "We need an outside opinion."

"Why, whomever from?"

Fluttershy flexed her wings thoughtfully, and lashed her tail once. "Well, first of all, are we sure that Twilight's, um..." Fluttershy trailed off and hid her face behind her teacup.

"Ah, stallionhood?"

Fluttershy nodded. "...yes, that. Are we sure that it's, um, well, new?"

Rarity nodded confidently. "Absolutely. I took her measurements before I made her birthday dress last year, and as you well know, that is a rather intimate process."

"And since then... we’re both guessing it's because of her alicorn transformation, right?"

"Of course."

Fluttershy looked down and set her teacup down. "What if it was just some magical accident, and she's just embarrassed that she can't reverse it? It's clear that she's been hiding it somehow—made it invisible, or something like that. Somepony would have seen it, otherwise."

"Right you are." Rarity let out a huge sigh. "I suppose that's the risk, isn't it? What if we're wrong? And that's why you want to consult somepony else, so that we can be sure, yes?"

"Right." Fluttershy shook her mane out, enjoying the feeling of the fresh air moving through the now-dried hair and along her damp scalp. "I don't want to risk confronting her with something like this if we're wrong. Twilight has some of the same anxiety problems I do, and if... if we have to mortify her like this, I want to at least be correct when we do."

"I can understand that. And I think that you might be right. If it were me, I might say that we simply confront her with the truth! ...but I suspect that may be my," Rarity flipped her hair, "flair for the dramatique." She paused, then continued, "Who did you have in mind to ask?"

"Well," Fluttershy began, "We don't exactly have a lot of choices. It's not like there are that many alicorns. And, um, I think we want somepony who can be... discreet?" She tapped her forehooves together. "I think that might rule out Cadance. Maybe I'm wrong—it's not like we know her very well!—but she seems... like kind of a gossip?"

"As a fellow gossip, I believe you're not wrong. And," Rarity added, waving her teacup at Fluttershy, "I expect you shall never repeat that outside these walls."

Fluttershy giggled, and continued. "So it's down to Celestia and Luna. To be totally honest, Celestia's really... um..." She trailed off.

Rarity looked into the middle distance, a far-away expression on her face. "A bit 'um' indeed. I cannot imagine any form of that conversation that is not just... painfully uncomfortable. Luna, then?"

"We know she can keep a secret. I spoke to her about dreams once, and she was very serious about their privacy," Fluttershy ventured.

"And she doesn't have quite such a personal connection to Twilight. And she seems, well... rather more inclined to be straightforward, particularly in a matter so..." Rarity coughed. "...delicate."

Fluttershy nodded. "Okay.

"Luna it is, then."