What Goes Up Must Come Down
Author's Note
This story is dedicated to any and all suffering with suicidal thoughts or depression
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What Goes Up Must Come Down
“Twilight!” See Twilight was the one that I think really made it ok for me to be a captain because there was no way Luna was simply ok with it.
“Shadow! There was a fight, Flash got hurt, he's with Doc now!” i knew my group wasn’t doing well but I didn't know they were fighting each other or why they were fighting each other.
“Where are they!”
“In their barracks I set one of the guards from another group there.”
“What caused it?”
“Same as usual somepony got somepony hurt”
“Alright that’s it, I'm ending this now!”
“Shadow wait!!”
“What!”
“You know why they’re fighting. First you get hurt then flash now they think someones at fault.”
“That doesn't make it any better!” At this point I had heard enough to throw them all out but knowing twilight any amount meant that would turn out too well. So I did the next best thing.
“HEY!”
“Uh what?” said Ace as he shifted uncomfortably waiting for the inevitable.
“Who started the fight!”
“Chase did.”
“I did not!”
“I'm making it easy. If I have to go get it from flash I'm going to make it a living hell on whoever started it.”
“I started it!” a voice from the corner I was only slightly familiar with. He was a good kid who only got mad when picked on but he never resorted to violence.
“Don’t cover for him!” said Ace.
"Ace, I'm relying on your word. Whoever started it, I'll go to Flash if I have to!” At this point, I was fuming because my team had gone from trying to kill each other to protecting each other.
“Believe me or not, it was Chase.”
“Chase, take your belongings and go! I'll determine if you come back or not!”
“It was one–”
“That was an order!” Chase quickly grabbed the few things he had and left, running into me on the way out.
“As for the rest of you, you'll have plenty of time off. I quit!” With that, I left to the dismay of the group and Govend my best friend a griffon that could put any other to shame.
“Shadow what happened?”
“Twilight tell everyone I said bye I quit!”
“What? Wait!”
“What!”
"Shadow, this is extreme! Think about what you’re doing!”
“I know what I'm doing, I'm taking a break longer than I have time off for!” and just like that, I was gone. It would be five years before I talked to anyone from the guard other than my friend Govend. I spent most of my five years off getting drunk every night and wandering home. Until one night, when I got home and found that my house had been broken into. I didn't have much, but what I did have, they took, and they took it all. I got a better job the next day to try and make more money to get back what I lost, as the police couldn’t do anything. The money I got from the royal guard was only barely enough to sustain my life. You would expect to get more from such a job, but I guess not. I worked my new job for around a year, working hard and getting paid little—some nights there was no food to eat. I hadn't realized how much of my savings I had depleted until I went to use it: I had 400 left out of 5,000. It had been exactly 1 year and 2 months since the day my house was broken into when I got a knock on the door.
“Twilight what are you doing here?”
“I should’ve gotten to you earlier, it's about Govend” Me and Govend kept in touch through letters. I had been sending letters for a while, and by now I should’ve gotten one back, so I was pretty worried.
“2 months ago he went missing on a scouting trip and he never made it home. I didn't want to say anything until we found him but we never did. I'm so sorry shadow.”
“He’s… gone?”
“Yeah we're still looking for him but at this point it's hopeless.”
“It’s my fault. A couple weeks back, he talked about how much he missed being able to actually talk to me. He asked me to come back up there for a bit, but I just blew him off.”
“It's not your fault this happens you know it does”
“I guess…”
“What happened to your house?" "I thought you were doing OK.”
“About a year ago, there was a break in and they took everything.”
“Shadow, why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don't want to rely on others.”
“How have you been otherwise these past years?”
"Huh. You don’t want to know.”
“I asked.”
“Drunk.”
“When did you start drinking?”
“About 15 minutes after I left the guard. It helps me forget.”
“I could kind of tell you look more depressed now than when you were with the guard.”
“Huh, depressed is an understatement.”
“What do you mean?”
“Drinking kept me from…”
“Shadow!”
“I’ve been really close some days.”
“Shadow why did you never contact me.”
“I didn’t want you to see me the way I was.”
“I could’ve helped you.”
“How’s flash I never got anything from him… nevermind.”
“He made it out alright, but he left two years ago when he hurt one of his wings. He had such a bad case of lock wing that it just closed and never opened again."
“What! He had the best wings out of the whole guard. What happened?”
“Another fight. Ever since his wing got hurt, he’s not been the same; he even started avoiding shining armor and me.”
“That’s not like him, you two were close, are you sure he’s ok?”
“I don’t know why he won’t give me the time of day.”
“What about Spike?”
"Huh, he didn’t care that you left; you never liked him anyways.”
"Whoa, that's not true!”
"You're sure because you did your best to avoid him.”
“Ugh, it wasn’t that I hated him, it was just… I didn't feel right around him. When I was alone for all those years, I made friends with a dragon roughly his age. We did everything together. Then the timberwolves came one night and trapped us in a cave. He made a distraction and ran out. He didn't see the river; he stepped one foot in it and was gone. It's all my fault.”
“It’s not your fault; he was trying to help you!”
“He would’ve lived if I stopped him!”
“And this is why you are the way you are now?”
“This is why my colors are dark, this is why I don't tell ponies about me, this is why I set goals too high for myself, this is why I wake up every morning wishing I hadn't.”
“You’ve told me all of this confidently.”
“I can trust you. When he passed, I looked for days for him.”
“When I left, I vowed never to go back. Now I wonder if I should maybe just look one more time for any signs that might give me closure.”
“Do it now, nothing is stopping you.”
“It’s not that simple. I don't remember the exact location anymore, not only that it's at least a day's flight from here.”
“You need to go back there just to see.”
“I know. Twilight, what would it take to be a captain again?”
“You’re hired!” It was getting pretty late so I let twilight sleep at my place in the guest bedroom. I thought I would get to sleep in but that didn’t work out.
“Shadow, I went to the police station this morning, and they think they found Govend.
“What?”
“Go to the police station.” With that I left I turned a 5 minute walk into 1 minute flight when I got there there was someone outside. I didn't notice until it was too late that it was Chase.
“Chase?”
“Shadow?”
“When did you get a job here?”
“When you fired me!”
“Oh, yeah.”
“What are you here for?”
“Twilight sent me.”
“Follow me then.” He started walking in and I did the same. We passed through the main room and I saw a few ponies I knew but nothing spectacular. We turned a corner to a hallway and that led to a file room.
“Twilight told me about Govend. We found him a while ago.” he pulls out some files and hands them to me “is this him?”
“Yep, that's him.”
“Here he’s at the general hospital. Show them that they’ll let you in. I found him 2 months ago five miles into the forest.”
“Why were you five miles into the forest… scratch that. Why are you doing this for me?”
“My day off so I went on a hike. I'm doing it because you and Govend were better friends than anyone I knew.”
“Thanks!”
“I'll lead you out, if I don’t you’ll get stopped.” He led me out and I went to the hospital, I took the flight to the hospital and showed them what Chase had given me.
“I'll have to pass you through with the doctor you've got documents that say you’re good to go in but I still have to let the doctor know” Said the nurse at the check in “Oh wait there he is Dr.Whooves” [aside from the story if you're confused it’s Dr.hooves but his occupation is actually a doctor. I liked his name and the way he looked compared to the other doctors so I just changed it a little ;) ]
“Yes nurse!”
“We have a pony here to see Govend he has the documentation”
“Let me see”
“Wait Dr.Whooves!?”
“Shadow!”
“It’s been forever how are you!”
“I’m doing fine how about yourself”
“Hah, I could be much better”
“I'm on break, can we talk?”
“Yeah!” I followed Doc to the outside tables where surprisingly no pony was.
“You left and you didn’t even say bye what happened?”
“Too much with me getting hurt and spike questioning our friendship which I'll admit we really didn’t have and flash getting hurt. I needed an escape and fast I didn't look back until 3 years ago”
“Why didn’t you just take time off?”
“I would’ve just come back to the same thing, a group that hated each other and I didn't have the heart to separate them myself so I fired Chase and then left.”
“What have you been doing this whole time?”
“Hah, pulling out my inner drunk every night then going home to bed and doing it again the next day”
“That’s not good for you. Wait, when did you start drinking?”
“About 5 years ago”
“Shadow, that's not a good thing.”
“It’s allowed me to relax and forget everything bad I've done”
“You sound like a depressed pony.”
“That's an understatement.”
“How bad is it?”
“I’ve come pretty close some days”
“I wish you would’ve contacted me.”
“I didn’t want to be seen that way, it would've just made it worse.”
“I want to talk more but my lunch break is almost over so I have to go”
“You didn’t tell me it was your lunch break, I would've declined so you could eat.”
“Believe me I'll be fine”
“So you're not the doc for the guard anymore?”
“No, I go up there every once in a while though you’ll find Doctor Horse up there now.”
“I don’t recognize the name but it’s nice to know there’s some pony you trust up there”
“Let me see the files. I can tell you the room the one you’re going to see is” I handed doc the files and he opened it up. His eyes went wide when he saw the name.
“Umm… I know that you and him were good friends so I'll tell you straight up he probably won’t remember you”
“What why?”
“He’s got a serious case of amnesia”
“What are the chances he does?”
“Fifty fifty”
“I was going there next. I'm trying to jog his memory on something. Maybe you can help, do you have anything he might remember?”
“I have some old photos.”
“Good follow me” he lead me to the elevator and we went up three or four floors then walked down the hallway to a room
“Govend how are you today” said doc Govend had clearly just woken up I could tell by the look on his face.
“Who’s he”
“I was hoping you would remember him it’s shadow from the guard you two worked together.”
“Wait the royal guard”
“Yes! Do you remember anything about it” doc was ecstatic that he said this
“Doc, how long have you been working with Govend?”
“two months give or take.”
“Umm… there were 11 no 17 no yeah 17. fights happened all the time.”
“Yeah that's about right.”
“Good, do you remember anything else?”
“There was a fight some pony got hurt some pony got fired and somepony quit but I can’t remember any names”
“Shadow try the photos” I pulled out the photos from my bag and showed him the one of chase.
“Wait, I know he was the one that got fired umm… Chase I think.”
“That's right.”
“Good, this is the most progress I've had with him.” I pulled out a photo of Lanes I had from the bag.
“This is the last photo I have.”
“That's fine.”
“Shadow why do you have a photo of lanes in my face”
“Wait, you remember now?” said Doc. He was quite confused but very excited.
“Its lanes, how would I not know. Wait, who are you? Where am I? And why are you still holding the photo? I put the photo back in my bag.
“According to doc you went missing 2 months ago and hit your head on something he’s been trying to get you to remember things for a while now.”
“When did you find out?”
“Yesterday.”
“Wow you really keep up.”
“Well if you’re better I'll mark you as safe to go but you have to leave with some pony.”
“I’ll go with shadow.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah! What kind of question is that shadow?”
“Just making sure.” after the usual exiting the hospital stuff we made our way out and back towards my place
“What did you mean by that in there?”
“Don't worry about it.”
“Dude seriously what did you mean?”
“Sigh… I just feel bad for not knowing sooner I should've asked around.”
“You couldn’t change that, it's fine.”
“Yeah I guess.”
“Shadow are you ok?”
“Have I ever been ok?”
“Has it gotten that bad? I mean I knew you were depressed but I didn’t know it had gotten that bad you made it sound like you were doing ok in your letters.”
“There’s been days where I've come pretty close to … well…”
“That's why you never came up to see me”
“Yeah I didn’t want to be seen that way” We made it back to my place and found twilight sitting on the couch.
“Twilight I found someone.”
“Govend! Govend what happened to you?”
“I don’t know the last thing I remember was waking up to shadow holding a photo of lanes in my face.”
“Why?”
“Apparently I had amnesia.”
“Alright, I’m going back to Canterlot to rejoin the guard and talk to Luna”
“Wait, you can do that?”
“He’s always been able to, he's the only one that's not a relative or her personal guard that can see her.”
“Are you guys coming with me?”
“Yeah.”
“Twilight, do you know what happened to my partner?”
“Umm… you declined to have one after shadow left.”
“Oh yeah.”
“Seriously?”
“I didn’t want anyone else.”
“Alright come on let's go.”
“How are we getting there?”
“The power of flight.” We left at once and made it there in record timing. I was expecting some changes after 5 years but not as many as there were.
“Alright I expected some changes but this is excessive.”
“Hah, a couple years back we got attacked pretty hard and their response was to put a guard wherever one fit that's just one part of the guard though.”
“Wait, they split the guard?”
“Yeah it got too big for just shining armor to handle.”
“So how does it work now?”
“He overlooks his own group and works alongside Luna and Celestia with the whole royal guard.”
“Huh, that's new.”
“Yeah you’ll like shining armor, you two will get along.” Me and twilight looked at him. I thought he knew we were friends.
“Alright I'm going to talk to Luna assuming she’s awake at this hour.”
“She should be. She doesn’t sleep much anymore.”
“Alright thanks twilight.” I made my way down the halls trying not to get noticed by anyone but I had to go through Luna's personal guards and I was surprised to see that after 5 years the guards hadn’t changed.”
“Shadow?”
“Plains!”
“When did you get back?”
“About 5 minutes ago.”
“I never thought you would come back once I heard how you left.”
“I didn’t plan on it. What have you been up to?”
“Trying to be useful.”
“What? You are if it wasn’t for you anyone could just walk in on Luna.”
“Yeah whatever gets in there.”
“Luna!”
“Shadow?”
“Hey.”
“Shadow! When did you come back?”
“About ten minutes ago.”
“I thought you weren’t coming back.”
“I came back to be a part of the guard again but I feel not for long.”
“What do you mean?”
“My brother came back and he studied dark magic.”
“That's a bad thing where is he?”
“That’s what I wanted to talk about see I don’t know where he is”
“How do you know he’s back?”
“In a spell I cast on him many years ago it allowed me to tell when he was around. Now there’s a chance he is just passing by but he likely isn’t.”
“I’ll let the guards know. What does he look like?”
“It’s not that simple. He could kill them all if he really wanted and believe me he wants to.”
“What can I do?”
“When I tell you to, you need to take everyone somewhere safer like Ponyville.”
“And leave here that's not going to happen.”
“When he reigns down on this place it’ll kill you he can do what Sombra did to Amora but worse.”
“You do know I'm a God alongside Celestia right?”
“Yes, I know but this is different. You won’t know he’s coming until you’re too weak to do anything about it. I’m trying to protect you.”
“What about you? If he can hurt me he can kill you.”
“...”
“Shadow?”
“Well…”
“I get we aren’t really friends but I won’t let you kill yourself”
“I think just me dying is better than everyone here dying!”
“There’s always another way!”
“This time there isn't. I'm sorry Luna but I won’t let everyone here die! You need to have everyone out by noon tomorrow.”
“And if I don’t.”
“I’ll make your life worse than when you were alone on the moon.”
“Is that a threat?”
“It's more than a promise! I’m not doing this because I want to. I would much rather stay alive but I won’t fail everyone here like I failed my best friend. If I had just tried harder he’d be alive today!” I left fuming she had till noon tomorrow or I would have to take things into my own hooves. It was getting late at this point so I found Govend.
“Govend.”
“Hey”
“I need a place to sleep.”
“I got my old quarters back you can sleep in the other bunk”
“Awesome.” I went to sleep and didn't wake up until around 10 am when shining armor woke me.
“What the hell are you doing and why!”
“What?”
“You told Luna to have everyone out by noon, why?”
“What time is it?!”
“10am!”
“You guys need to leave, it's not safe here!”
“Why! Tell me why!”
“My brother came back and he has the intent to kill!”
“We can stop him!”
“You can't I know first hand!”
“If the whole royal guard can’t stop him what makes you think you can”
“I can’t and I’ll die trying but someone later will defeat him!”
“I'm not leaving you to die!”
I pinned him to the wall and said “I'm not giving you a choice in this, you leave here on your feet or being carried it’s up to you!” he pushes me off him”
“You only ever think about yourself!”
“That makes sense yeah because going on a suicide mission to save hundreds if not thousands of others is selfish!”
“That’s not what matters what matters is you didn’t stop to see what anyone else thought of this!”
“What they think doesn't matter, it never mattered what they thought about me! I don't do this to be a hero, I do this to save ponies. I'll die saving others or I'll die trying!”
“What do you want me to do? My best friend is going to get himself killed!”
“I want you to leave and make sure everyone makes it safely to Ponyville!”
“Fine! Be that way!” shining was the last one to leave procrastinating until I threatened to knock him out and have him carried out. My brother was here by 12 just like I thought he was stronger than I imagined.
“Well Rusty long time no see”
“Right back at you.” my brother said
“I knew you were coming.”
“Spells are wondrous aren’t they?”
“Why are you here?”
“I'm not allowed to be?”
“I’d prefer you weren’t here!”
“What are you going to do about it?”
“Everything I can.”
“Hah, the weakling of the family is stepping up to do something about it! What a wonderful dance it will be!”
“You want to dance! Bring it on!”
It was bitterly cold outside. I hate being cold so I put on the uniform given to me when I joined the royal guard. Today felt different. It felt like bad was lurking; this had me on edge and most knew it. I walked out of my quarters and everyone was running around frantically.
“Whoa! Whoa! Twilight what's happening?”
“Make sure you have your group together and get down to Ponyville!”
“Why?”
“Just do it!”
“Luna!”
“Talk to shadow whatever is going to happen is bad he wants us gone!”
“What?!”
“What the hell are you doing and why!”
“What?”
“You told Luna to have everyone out by noon, why?”
“What time is it?!”
“10am!”
“You guys need to leave, it's not safe here!”
“Why! Tell me why!”
“My brother came back and he has the intent to kill!”
“We can stop him!”
“You can't I know first hand!”
“If the whole royal guard can’t stop him what makes you think you can”
“I can’t and I’ll die trying but someone later will defeat him!”
“I'm not leaving you to die!”
He pinned me to the wall and said “I'm not giving you a choice in this, you leave here on your feet or being carried it’s up to you!” I pushed him away.
“You only ever think about yourself!”
“That makes sense yeah because going on a suicide mission to save hundreds if not thousands of others is selfish!”
“That’s not what matters, what matters is you didn’t stop to see what anyone else thought of this!”
“What they think doesn't matter, it never mattered what they thought about me! I don't do this to be a hero, I do this to save ponies. I'll die saving others or I'll die trying!”
“What do you want me to do? My best friend is going to get himself killed!”
“I want you to leave and make sure everyone makes it safely to Ponyville!”
“Fine! Be that way!” I made sure I was the last to leave but I never actually left whatever was happening here was not good and I wasn’t about to let shadow die. I saw Shadow's brother arrive a short conversation and they were fighting each other. Magic I've never seen before was used. Heavy dark magic was used as a big nope to all magic bearing ponies. A thick black mist covered the area where you could only see spells made by Shadow. Contact had been made but didn’t know by whom the blue and green spike rained down and ball of fire was thrown randomly into the mist. Contact had been made, but they had no idea who had rained down blue and green spikes and thrown the ball of fire at random into the mist. I couldn't see shadow or his brother only shadows spells. Finally some pony hit the ground hard. I left my hiding spot to see the action. As soon as I saw who hit the ground I knew I had to help.
“Hey!”
“Who are you!”
“I could ask the same question!”
“I'd have to assume Shadow is your friend!”
“Only the best!”
“You should’ve tried harder to keep him from this!”
“It’s his fault he’s here but I won't let him die to you!”
“Shining! Run while you—” a blood curdling yell came from Shadow as his brother dug his hoof deeper into Shadow's chest.
“I don’t think you were addressed Shadow, let your friend exercise his voice!”
“Whether I address him or not there are three of us here he can talk!”
“Maybe I just don’t want him to!”
“You’re sick!”
“Shining shut up you’re going to get yourself killed!”
“It’s too late for that he chose his fate when he came out from hiding!”
“Why are you here? Why are you doing this?”
“You wouldn’t understand and I don't feel like explaining!”
“You're an ill-tempered pony, you just don’t know when to leave somepony alone!” I cast a spell but by that time he had already cast one. I was thrown into the wall to my left and in a daze but I still heard their conversation.
“Shining! Shining!”
“If he’s still alive I’ll be surprised he hit that wall hard and if he is alive he’ll certainly never cast a spell again!”
“You took everything from me but you won’t take him” I watched with all I had as Shadow exploded into a ball of fire sending his brother quite far then I was out.
I woke up to the feeling of being carried. It was Shadow well what was left of him.
“Shadow what happened?” he didn’t respond and I didn’t think he ever would. His horn was broken and he limped on probably all four legs.
“Shadow stop! Shadow!”
“You can’t walk.”
“They’ll come back for us! take a break!”
“They won’t make it back in time. Look at you leg.” I hadn’t noticed it before but I was pretty hurt. My leg was primarily red, there was no way I was walking on it.
“How far?”
“Don’t know, shut up and save your energy you’ll need it” He was right I felt dizzy already. I relaxed but tried to stay awake. Time didn't exist. After what felt like days Shadow collapsed we were just outside of Ponyville.
“Shadow! Shining!” it was Twilight and Luna running frantically in our direction
“I don’t care about me how’s shadow.” It probably sounded more like a garbled mess but they looked at him first. It would be 2 days before I saw them again. I had fallen into a deep sleep I’m sure due to blood loss.
“Shining! Shining!”
“Huh? What?”
“How do you feel?”
“Is dead an option?”
“I guess but you’re not dead.”
“Twilight. What happened to Shadow?”
“Doc said you’ll be alright just a messed up leg.”
“Twilight.”
“He said you’ll need to practice spells again your horn was messed up”
“Twilight!”
“What?”
“What happened to Shadow?”
“He… didn’t make it Shining. We all tried to help him but he was to far gone”
“What!”
“I’m sorry! We tried so hard to save him but it was no use he wasn’t trying.”
“Did he say anything?”
“He never woke up.”
“What am I supposed to do now?”
“Remember to never forget”
The Letter
Shining Armor,
It was a great pleasure to serve with you but it was an even greater one to be your friend. I get you hate me for how things ended but please understand why I did it. Don’t let me being gone affect you friends come and go but memories stay forever.
I wish you the best, Shadow Colt, Red Mane.
P.S. Tell Govend I'm sorry Luna will treat him well.
Author's Note
I loved writing this even though it has its sad nature. This story was originally dedicated to my friend Brandon who about one month ago took his own life. he loved helping others and wouldn't stop until it was done right. He pushed himself very hard to be a good, reliable friend. I wish you well Brandon 05, 2006 - 01, 2023
