Pipp Petals had her phone gripped tightly in her hoof. This was normal. That was where her phone was pretty much every hour of every day. What was not normal was the data displayed on the screen. A feed of ever-increasing numbers that made the undersides of Pipp's wings sweat.

Okay, maybe a little of the sweat came from those wings currently beating towards Izzy's place. Through the biting cold of early February, through a snarl of snowclouds full of stinging ice flakes, Pipp rushed redfaced and hot towards help.

The data on Pipp's phone was too monstrous to grapple with by herself, and asking for Sunny's help was out of the question. By the Goddess, under no circumstances could Sunny be alerted of this.

After Sunny, Izzy Moonbow was Pipp's runner-up confidant. That was why the frantic flight of a pudgy princess was hurtling downwards at a dolled-up cottage near Bridlewood's outskirts. Pipp fixed her eyes on the only patch of yard not coated in snow, lawn ornaments, or snow-covered lawn ornaments. The rough touchdown took focus away from her phone's screen for a few moments, not that it erased the numbers Pipp knew were still there. Still increasing.

"Izzy! Your van is out here, so I know you're- ack!" Pipp's landing hit a patch of ice near an overfilled birdbath, crashing her into a plastic flamingo staked nearby. Sprawled face-down, Pipp chewed and swallowed a lump of snowy grass that had ended up in her mouth. Hopefully Izzy hadn't seen that.

"Holy moly, what a wipeout!"

Pipp growled before donning her perfectly practiced princess smile. Then she sat up.

"Morning, Iz. Can the local handymare maybe help fix a friend's phone problem?"

The head of Izzy Moonbow was protruding from the cottage window. If she stayed still, she could have been mistaken for another piece of tawdry kitsch cluttering the property. But of course, Izzy never stayed still. Her forelimbs materialized from the windows depths, folding together under her soft chin.

"Phone troubles? I can give it the old college dropout try. Prop up Fernando before you come inside, kay?"

"What, this thing?" Pipp fumbled to hold onto the plastic flamingo with one hoof and keep her phone gripped in the other.

"Yes ma'am! Up against the birdbath."

Pipp obliged, keeping a lid on her impatience.

"Be sure to tilt him so he can wet his beak!"

Pipp obliged further, her lid beginning to slip. "The birdbath is frozen, Izzy. And this thing isn't real, ya know."

"Pish posh, of course Fernando's real! You crashed headlong into him instead of ghosting right through, didn't ya?"

Izzy ducked in as the window snapped shut. Fine by Pipp. Words weren't worth arguing over, since numbers were causing her enough problems already. A hum and a blurb lit up Pipp's lock screen while she waded through Izzy's lawn ornaments. The numbers were going up in real time, and there was nothing Pipp could do to stop them. She choked down rising worry, as she clambered up the slippery steps.

Izzy's tuneless humming grew louder as Pipp shouldered the door open. Or tried to open it. The entrance was clogged with what appeared to be piles of fabric.

"Oh, phooey! I can move those! Don't exhaust yourself!"

Levitation magic pushed the fabric, and an impatient pegasus pushed open the door.

"Look Iz, I just need you to watch a vid and give me your feedb... wait, do you really think I'm not strong enough to scoot fabric?"

"Eh?" Izzy was crossing the cluttered cabin, stepping around detritus with inequine deftness. "I 'unno. My thinkspace is almost as messy as my living space. Plus, you got those short legs and round... um..."

Pipp reflexively sucked in her soft, protruding belly.

"Round what?" she challenged.

"Uh... it doesn't matter!" Izzy produced her wide-angled reading glasses from a craft table and latched them onto her nose. "Izzy Does It has engaged Serious Business Mode. What're we looking at today?"

Pipp steeled herself to rewatch a particularly horrid vid. Then pressed play on her phone.

"H...hello, everypony," the speaker crackled. "This is Sunny Starscout, for those of you who don't know me. Do ponies not know me? Oh jeez, I'll probably need to edit this out in post."

"Ooh! I know this one," Izzy exclaimed. Pipp rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, I know you know who Sunny is. That comment wasn't directed at us, Iz."

"No, I mean I know this vid! It's the funniest thing I've seen in ages!"

Pipp's heart sank. "It is?"

"Shh! The best part is about to happen!"

Izzy swiped the phone and leaned eagerly against a nearby mannequin. The recording of Sunny was still going.

"-nkie Pie was apparently famous for making cupcakes. Curiously, her original recipe seems to have been scrubbed from history. But that's alright, because I have here in my own oven a guess at what authentic, Sugar Cube Corner cupcakes might've been like. Lemme just... get the latch off here..."

Izzy burst into laughter at the same moment Sunny's stove burst into flames. The unicorn reflexively clicked Like on the familiar viral video, rubbing her eyes and not noticing she'd undone a feeble Dislike put by Pipp. The audio went from the roar of flames to the roar of a hastily deployed extinguisher. Then action died down alongside Izzy's belly laughs.

"Oh, Faust. It's still funny the hundredth time ya see it."

"No it isn't!" Pipp's perfectly practiced starlet voice cracked like a distressed teen. So jarring that even Izzy noticed.

"What's wrong? Everything is fine, see?" Izzy presented Pipp's phone, but it wasn't the feed of a frazzled but unhurt Sunny Starscout that had Pipp's seething attention. It was the Like count in the corner. Pipp tapped the pause button, interrupting Sunny's sheepish promise of better videos in the future. Then she looked Izzy dead in the eye.

"Listen, I need you to pay attention as I explain some things. Can you do that?"

A blank but inquisitive stare was the only response. Pipp accepted it in place of a "yes."

"Look, this vid is terrible. The audio peaks because she didn't do any volume mixing. It's also obvious that Sunny just propped her phone on the counter because the frame is lopsided." Pipp was feeling a little better as she continued speaking on the one subject she was most knowledgeable on. Not good, but better. "She doesn't even spend the first three seconds doing flourishes! The first three seconds are the most important time to grab viewer attention!"

Izzy adjusted her glasses and did her best to look pensive. "M'kay, so... why are we not okay with Sunny making a big derp of a video?"

"Because this big derp of a video has over five hundred thousand Likes!"

"Oh wow, good for Sunny!"

"No! bad for me!"

Pipp was pacing the interior of Izzy's home now, stumbling over random junk, but too riled to keep still.

"Nothing I've uploaded has gotten five hundred thousand Likes in months! And this Pinkie Pie upload was only the first in Sunny's Mane Six series. She posted the Applejack one earlier today. And just look at it!"

Izzy peered excitedly at this new footage she hadn't yet seen. Vaguely, she was aware of Pipp griping over the blown-out colors due Sunny obviously not knowing how to film outside. While it was true the vid lacked many details, it had enough. Sunny was in the Maretime Bay community garden, clearing a patch with a snow shovel and revving up a dose of Earth Pony growth magic. The pulse connected with a sickly leafless apple tree sapling, explosive plant growth launching Sunny several meters into the air.

"This new upload got six hundred thousand Likes. Six hundred!" Pipp's normally purple face had become a deep, heated red. "I know how metrics work; her next vid will get seven hundred thousand at the very least. And the one after that will get eight! At this rate, she'll net a million Likes by the sixth and last upload. And if she does that, she'll have surpassed my most Liked post. Which means she's surpassed me as a content creator. And if she's surpassed me as a content creator... then she's surpassed me as a content creator!!"

"And that's... bad," Izzy guessed confidently.

If looks could kill, Izzy Moonbow would have been a snowman struck by a sleigh. But they couldn't, so while Pipp glowered impotently, Izzy drummed her hooves on the mannequin over which she'd draped herself, pondering the implications of her friend's doomsaying. "What... what content have you been making, anyway?"

Pipp sighed and tapped her home menu. "Chatbot apps are the new hotness. Or they were supposed to be, before Sunny burned those cupcakes and changed the game overnight."

Izzy stared, transfixed by a flashy-looking icon labeled ChuffGPT.

"You can tweak the tone of its responses," Pipp sighed. "I was showing off the Shy Coltfriend setting on a livestream yesterday. Then I noticed my view count drop off. Bunch of viewers flocking over to check out Sunny's fresh upload on Applejack."

"Holy moly, so ChuffGPT can pretend to be anypony you ask it to? Can it pretend to be me?"

"I'm afraid not," Pipp drawled. She hated to stomp on Izzy's fascination, but facts remained facts. "You'd have to feed the thing a whole autobiography to get it to emulate a pony. Short of that, its just a gimmicky gizmo."

"Oh. Well, still. It sounds pretty cool."

"An app that's 'pretty cool' isn't going to outperform Sunny! This is serious! I'm in real danger!"

"You are?" Izzy backed defensively into the mannequin, surveying her and Pipp's surroundings.

"Not physical danger. Social danger. Which is much worse!" Pipp resumed her panicked pacing. "I have no content ideas! I can't keep making ChuffGPT content, because it's not getting the views. But I can't make Mane Six vids myself, because that'd make me a trend chaser. And Princess Pipp does NOT chase trends!" She rubbed her nose fretfully. "Plus, even I did try to compete with Sunny's series, she's already ahead of me. Who knows which pony her next upload is going to be about?"

"Me."

Pipp blew out heavily. "You're not a member of the Mane Six, Iz."

"No, I mean I know which pony is next on Sunny's list." Izzy levitated a piece of fabric from the nearby pile and draped it over the mannequin. "It's Rarity. She asked me to drop some spare cloth off at her place, since she's busy today cleaning giant apple chunks out of the park or something. Wanna help me deliver 'em?"

"Wha- No!!" Pipp's heated red face hue was back. "Why in Equestria would I lend a hoof to an enem... my en..." Izzy tilted her head quizzically while Pipp suddenly looked deeply ashamed.

"S-sorry. I'm really stressed and almost said something I didn't mean." A flicker of fear distorted her face. "You won't tell Sunny about that, will you?"

Izzy shrugged guilelessly. "How could I? She's not even gonna be home." She resumed hoofing through her pile of soon-to-be delivered fabric while Pipp turned away, hoof over her heart to steady it.

"I should go, Iz. Take a long flight back to Zephyr Heights to clear my head. Figure out my next move."

Izzy pulled off her wireframes, genuinely regretful. "Sorry I wasn't a good pony for bouncing ideas off of. Not even with the Izzy Does It glasses." Her expression suddenly brightened. "Hey, why don't you ask ChuffGPT for help? Does it have a Super Smart Social Influencer setting?"

"For the last time Iz, I'd have to feed the app a ridiculous amount of info to make it act like an actual pony. Besides," Pipp gave a practiced toss of her head and peered coquettishly over her shoulder. "Who in the history of Equestria is a better performer than me?"

Izzy shrugged before tossing another piece of test fabric over the mannequin. Most scraps in the stack were motley mixes of flower decals, plaid patterns, or solid colors with frayed trim. The one on top however, was much easier on the eyes. A dark purple cloth dotted with stars and moons. Its edges pooled at the base of the mannequin's neck, giving off the likeness of a caped showmare in a floppy hat.

Pipp's mind raced faster than the Like counter under the Applejack video. Sunny was always dropping mentions of the pop culture of Old Equestria. Countess Coloratura, the singer with a secret identity. The Mysterious Mare Do Well, the vigilante with a secret identity (Old Equestria sure had a lot of those). But above all the rest, there was a Great And Powerful magician. One beloved by ponies across the globe. At least, those were the claims in Trixie's autobiography. And Sunny kept the only known copy snug on her bookshelf.

"Ooh, this sheet's a shiny one," Izzy observed. "Hope it helps recreate Rarity's designs." She folded up the winning material and grabbed her van keys. "Guess I'll be seein' ya."

"Actually..." Pipp's voice had a newer, more mischievous tone to it. "I think I'll tag along to the Crystal Brighthouse after all."

Izzy made an excited squeeing noise, shoving the fabric into Pipp's hooves. "Day trip gal pals!" she declared. "Here, you can carry the easy thing. I'll lug along Madeleine!"

Before Pipp could even ask who Madeline was, Izzy hopped behind the heavy mannequin and heaved. Unicorns were not a strong breed, so the giant facsimile of a pony didn't begin moving until Pipp shouldered the weight of the front end.

"Oh wow, Pipp! You really have some workhorse muscles under all those soft curves!"

"Gee, thanks," the princess muttered stiffly. A blast of cold air hit them both as they lugged the load outside. "I wanna get on the road just as quickly as you do. In and out before Sunny gets home, right?"

"Sure, sure," Izzy grunted.

"And... since Sunny is such a generous friend, she won't mind if I, ya know, borrowed a book off her archive shelf, right?"

"I 'unno. You're not gonna swipe any of her Mane Six stuff are you?" Izzy peered skeptically over her cargo at the princess.

"Huh-uh," Pipp assured. "I'd never play so dirty. But... well, Zipp watches a lot of pro wrestling. Ponies cheer louder when the heroine has a good rival to go up against. And I think I can recreate one."

"Alright! Sounds like everypony wins!" Izzy finished securing the mannequin to her van. Then she addressed the plastic flamingo still on her lawn. "Fernando! I'll be back home by sundown. Keep the homestead from getting snowed in and stay off the internet! It's an addictive place."

As recently as a minute ago, Pipp Petals would have scoffed at Izzy's flighty habit of talking to objects. But with her new plans brewing, she didn't mind sitting beside Madeleine Mannequin or waving goodbye to Fernando Flamingo. A new nonliving friend just might be in her cards. Though the weather was still bitterly cold, the moon and star-patterned fabric was warm. So was Pipp's phone as she sent a confident update to her followers.

Big things coming, Pippsqueaks! Stay tuned for the million-Likes-worthy magic!

Faves and re-Trots rolled in. But not as many or as quickly as Pipp was used to. She rubbed her eyes, fretting again. Seated beside her, Izzy was back to humming obliviously.

"Hearts And Hooves Day is coming up." Izzy turned the key in a sputtering engine that refused to start. "Got your special somepony picked out yet? Or a platonic valentine pal? A pal-entine?"

"Iz, get me in and out of the Brighthouse, and the spot is yours."

The engine coughed to life and the Izzy Does It van burned rubber towards Maretime Bay.

Author's Note

Well well, what a high strung pegasus princess. Impassioned, loudmouthed, desperate to be loved... Not that Trixie finds any of that relatable! I'm sure the two of us will get along famously.