I quickly worked my way through a large order at work, making use of magical augmentation to make myself a little faster than usual. I could only really augment myself for ten minutes at a time, but that’s why I’m training this type of magic while at work. Because if I mess up, it’s whatever, and I can just work without the augmentation. And eventually, I should get good at augmenting myself by just doing this everyday. Plus it got a fun reaction out of Flip whenever I did it.

“Dude, how are you working even faster? What in the actual hay?” The colt asked as I moved an entire fifty bit order out to Mr. Mint.

“Learnt how to use magic, and then learnt that I can make myself even faster with it!” I chuckled. “Honestly, this sorta thing came to me easier than telekinesis,” to make my point, I made a sandwich with said telekinesis and was almost slower than Flip was when he first tried making sandwiches for an order. “See?”

“That is… so weird. Nopony, unless they’re training for the guard, has worse telekinesis than the ability to physically augment their movement. And even then, it’s such an obscure magic that I doubt the guard even has that as the forefront of guard training!” Flip hummed. “I could be wrong though; I’m obviously not guard material…” We both sighed in relief now that there weren't any customers. Post lunch rush, less ponies.

“So… You’re dating… a Changeling?” I nodded. Yeah, okay, so the news of changelings spread like wildfire, and fortunately for me, news of Chrysalis, who she was, and her ‘consort’ spread as well. Meaning I’m kinda notorious now for dating the big, bad bug. “And she can be anypony if your dreams.” I nodded. “That sounds awesome! I bet Chrysalis would love to be a naughty Princess Luna for you.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool. If I want to, I can go ahead and date Celestia without speaking a word to her!” I laughed to myself before I looked the kid dead in the eyes. “Seriously though, that isn’t why I’m dating Chryssy, in fact, I prefer an undisguised Chrysalis over any of her disguises no matter how sexy they might be. I love that bug for what and who she is. Chryssy and I met when I thought she was a unicorn, a really pretty one, but a unicorn. And if I’m being honest, I woulda started dating that unicorn if she were a changeling or not.”

“Hey, I respect it. At least you’re dating royalty of some kind, right?”

“Yeah, it’s pretty cool,” I pointed to our two new changeling coworkers. Skitter and Scatter, who I immediately recognized, and were also assigned to guard me. “Because Chrysalis thinks I’ll run at some major, world ending monster, while screaming my name as loudly as possible, she gave me a couple of guards. And plans on training me in some martial arts.”

“”That… sounds awesome! I wanted to learn some basic guard training, and eventually join the royal guard, but my magic isn’t the greatest, and I’m not in the greatest of shape. Also, that changeling’s better at grilling than I am!” Flip pouted as Skitter had expertly, and swiftly, moved the hay patties into a warming pan. The bug

So Mr. Mint gave my drones a job, since they were gonna be here anyways, and they immediately became his favorite employees. Obedient, quick learners, fast, and efficient. And, because of how many ponies ended up cuddling with a changeling during the ‘invasion’, were well received by our pony customers.

Especially Scatter since her job was to just sit out in the lobby and look cute.

Boy did that to attract a lot more ponies.

On the downside, Mr. Mint was struggling to pay them, not because the business was failing, but because changelings really didn’t see a need for money. Unless they were Chrysalis, and even then, Chrysalis never spent money on anything that wasn’t a dress or chocolate. Maybe some actual food if Chrysalis feels like eating solid food for once. And we couldn’t even pay them with love since Scatter gathered love from the customers who thought she was adorable and shared it all with Skitter after work.

They were never hungry, everyone thought Scatter was adorable. Even me. Fuck, I went out of the kitchen in between rushes while customers ate, and gave Scatter a belly rub. Immediately afterwards, ponies looking in from outside walked in and demanded they get to do the same. And then those ponies promptly smell the food and proceed to buy some of that food. So we just kinda gave them money anyways, but it always ended up being thoroughly spent on nothing but crossword and word search books.

As for why, I don’t know.

“Sir,” Skitter tapped my shoulder. “I’m just reminding you that your first lessons in changeling combat will begin shortly after work. Scatter and I will be teaching you. Will there be any questions?” Skitter asked. It was now much later in the day, almost time for my shift to be over. Flip had clocked out earlier, only having a four hour shift today. So it was just me, Skitter, and Scatter working the kitchen.

“No-“

I hummed.

“Can we stop for dinner afterwards? And also, will I be bloodied and bruised by the end?”

“No sir. I can heal any injuries I accidentally cause. And I say accidentally because we’re just going over the basics. So there will be little physical contact. As for dinner, yes, we can stop for dinner as Queen Chrysalis gave us the bits to do so…” Skitter paused. “And Chrysalis will not be able to personally train you for a while; she’s dealing with some political talks with the Princesses.”

“Eh, I think I’d get my shit kicked in; I’ll get distracted by Chrysalis’s legs.”

Skitter smirked. “They are very nice legs sir. A pony of culture, I see.”

“A ‘ling of culture, I see.” The two of us chuckled. Man, getting along with changelings is really easy. “Wanna give me a general idea of what changeling combat is like?”

“Well sir, because changelings can fly, use magic, and are physically strong, it’s a matter of combining all those elements into being something quick, efficient, and lethal. However, since changelings are not particularly good at magic, or flying, or have the same hardiness and strength as Earth Ponies, it involves a lot not fighting directly. So instead of brute force, you get a try to get a lot of sucker punches in.”

“That sounds unfair.”

“You are talking about changelings. We don’t play fair; especially if we want to kill somebody.”

Fair.

“And since you clearly lack wings, we’re only doing a third of the lessons, as you lack a great deal of mobility for more advanced changeling arts. Luckily, myself and Scatter know basic unicorn and earth pony martial arts, so we shall be supplementing your lessons with some lessons of pony martial arts.”

“Man. How’d you think I’ll do?”

“By the time me and Scatter are through with you, you should be able to kill three trained guards.” Oh. “Need help sir? That order is huge.”

“Nah,” I said as I got half of it done.

“It is a good thing you’re fast with your hooves; changelings rely on speed while fighting. So you’ll do just fine.” Skitter smirked when an order twice the size of that was just handed to us on a piece of paper.

Son of a bitch.

After work, Scatter and Scatter had led me to some castle training grounds, blah, blah, blah, coltfriend of the Queen, Skitter and Scatter were technically apart of Equestria’s military yadda yadda. Anyways, we found somewhere to begin my combat training, and I was honestly kinda excited. What kid didn’t want to learn karate and go Bruce Lee the shit out of somebody? I certainly wasn’t a kid who didn’t want to learn kung fu and kick ass, look cool while doing it, and get the cute girl in the process.

“The first thing about changeling martial arts, is there are many, many for different intents and purposes. While I doubt we have enough time to explain each in depth, some are simply impossible for ponies to do because they can’t do transformation magic as naturally as we can, or because pony and changelings joints are very different,” Skitter began to explain. Scatter decided to bend her foreleg in six different spots before straightening it back out and moving it good as new.

Huh.

“As you can see sir, changelings have more joints than ponies, and thus certain grapples in a specific style of fighting are impossible for you to do… If you mind having to break your forelegs, spine, and pelvis everytime you wish to hold somepony down and pummel them with your hindlegs,” Skitter smirked as I shivered at the thought.

“So is that why you haven’t given me the name of any changeling martial arts? We’re just gonna put them under an umbrella and teach me the things I can actually do?” I asked.

“Indeed. The first thing is distractions that you’ll learn. Often a changeling will cause a distraction, either with magic, or transforming. Just anything to catch an opponent off guard to deliver a, usually fatal, strike. Do you know how to throw things with your telekinesis?” Skitter asked, summoning a ball from one of his saddlebags. I nodded and threw the ball, only for it to be caught in an acid green aura, and brought back to where I was standing.

“Good. I want you to throw the ball at me, and sucker punch me as hard as possible,” Skitter instructed.

“But…”

“Sir, this is to test how strong you are physically, and I can take it. Not only am I trained for fighting, but I have a much stronger exterior than the average pony. Not to mention sucker punching is quite huge in changeling fighting.”

“I don’t wanna hurt you though. You’re my friend.” Skitter shook his head with a small smile.

“As your friend, I want you to be able to defend yourself. And in order to do that, I need a baseline on your physical and magical capabilities. This will be how I get that baseline…” Skitter wrapped a foreleg around me. “And I can taste your reluctance, but this is something you have to do.” I nodded, before taking a deep breath as Skitter stood back from me. Scatter sat nearby with a first aid kid. I took a couple more deep breaths to calm myself.

In an instant, I threw the ball as hard as I could and ran up to Skitter. By the time he had dodged the ball, I was already in his face, and I punched as hard as I could. The changeling’s head jerked back at the impact, and a huge smile formed on Skitter’s face despite being just punched in the face. I, however, felt horrible and immediately pulled the changeling’s head into a hug while totally not freaking out about the whole thing.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! Oh god! I didn’t hurt you too badly did I-“

See? I’m not freaking out. I only repeated those thirteen words six or seven times, while Skitter was partially just happy to let me hug his head for so long. I, on the other hand, was busy being masculine and not caring that I had just punched my friend in the face. No, I wasn’t still apologizing, what are you talking about? We both settled on the ground, and Skitter had managed to calm me down by actually nuzzling my cheek.

“Sir.” I stopped not freaking out, and looked down at the changeling in my arms. “You are going to do just fine in what I’m teaching you,” Skitter grinned. “You’re fast, and your telekinesis isn’t too shabby. Your punches, while not the strongest, can probably be improved and changed into multiple, quick punches. Which isn't saying that your punches are weak, that one punch did kinda hurt.” Skitter hummed.

“You-“

“No sir, I am not ‘bullshitting’ you. You’re not too shabby. However,” Skitter gestured to me. “You need to stop feeling bad about hitting me when I had asked you to hit me.” Scatter was snickering in the corner. “Sir, with all due respect, I think even when you’re fully trained, you probably wouldn’t dare hurt a changeling or anypony because you think they’re cute. And yes, I know about your origins. Those were disclosed when I was assigned to you.”

“Listen, it’s your fault for having such big, cute eyes and little fangs.” Skitter and Scatter took the opportunity to make their eyes bigger. “God dammit guys!” I laughed as I rested my head on my changeling’s shoulder. Yes, these are my changelings, you can’t tell me otherwise.

Unless you’re Chryssy, I guess.

“I suppose I shall have to end today’s training. Just know that tomorrow will be a bit more rough.” I cringed a little.

Yeah, just a little more rough, Skitter had taught me more offensive maneuvers, while Scatter taught me more defensive maneuvers and even how to make magical shields. And honestly, today was going well since it was a day off, as I had apparently ‘learnt enough’ in the ‘changeling gonna changeling and kill somebody’ to start sparring. And you know, just a little more rough means this:

“Oof!” I grunted as Skitter had body slammed me. The wind in my lungs was suddenly not there anymore and I was gasping for air… I struggled a bit while Skitter simply sat with a stoic look on his face. Holy. Fucking. Shit. On. A. Stick. This is fucking awesome! Haha! This felt good. I sat up as Skitter got ready for me to go on the offensive, and totally not get body slammed again.

“Sir, you fight like a nymph.”

“Fuck you.”

“I thought you were doing that with the Queen. It would be awkward-“ Skitter stopped when he was pinned to the ground.

“Get distracted, bitch!” I grinned in triumph.

Scatter clapped her hooves, which got a raspberry from Skitter in return.

How mature.

“Good distraction, sir,” Skitter said as he got up and dusted himself off. “Despite my taunting, you are doing exceptionally well given you’ve just learnt everything you’re doing today, well, today.” The changeling patted me on the back. “And you never got mad when I tried to make you mad; which would leave you to make mistakes.” I just gave Skitter a look. “Sir? Is everything okay?”

“Skitter, you physically wouldn’t be able to make me mad unless you tried to kill Chrysalis. I worked in fast food, as a manager for ten years. I have heard some of the most vile, disgusting, downright awful shit that made me either angry or wanna kill myself. I’ve been told to kill myself, called slurs that would make ponies seem accepting and nice, and have literally had somebody throw shit at my face before. I’d like to think that I can control myself even while I’m mad after going through all of that.”

Skitter and Scatter blinked a couple times, before looking kinda shocked.

“... You can sir, I sensed some anger even while you were struggling to hit me early on, and you remained composed. I am quite impressed.”

So what have I learnt about changeling martial arts?

An offense should always be brutal, and accurate, but never rely too heavily on strength; it leads to openings. Every strike needs to be precise. Hit a pony in the leg? Hit a joint several times to damage, and possibly break said leg. Wanna kill somebody? Go for the throat. Spins, summersaults, all that fancy jazz was completely out of changeling martial arts; they were unnecessary movements according to changelings. And given that changelings had needed to be able to also compete with earth ponies should they need to fight said earth ponies, every bit of stamina and strength mattered.

Undermine an opponent’s defenses, don’t take them head on unless you got numbers.

Flips were cool, but you don’t need to flip in order to break somebody’s neck.

The body slam that Skitter told me about, was meant to incapacitate without having to put a lot of strength into a hit. And from doing that, you can pummel, stab, stomp on, or kick the shit out of your opponent while they regather air. Which was genuinely something I needed given that my punches ‘lacked raw strength’ according to Skitter. Holy fuck, Skitter of thought teaching me that, for that exact reason, within twenty four hours.

Magic was almost never used outside of creating distractions to set up for sucker punches. Or the occasional cutting spell, for again, a distraction.

I love changelings.

Also, unsurprisingly, when it comes to a changeling’s defense, it was light and efficient. A spell? Use a shield. Strong spell? Use a shield and redirect the spell to the ground or away from you. That second bit was good for low powered magic users, or for not needing too much energy to block a blow from what could potentially be an angry alicorn. It was something that, in Scatter’s words, worked best for weaker magic wielders like me.

Also for physical blows, changelings took a similar approach to magical defense. Don’t take hits directly. Dodge when possible, and parry strikes if needed. It helped for a pony of my smaller stature, which made me harder to hit, and more maneuverable. I'm also kinda shocked that Scatter not only thought of that, but taught me some things in the specific martial arts that follow this lightweight defense.

The only problem is that I can still easily get overpowered with these fighting styles. Like shove me against Celestia, and she’d still bulldoze through mere strength. Like I can dodge, weave, and kite all day, but I will eventually lose if I cannot quickly take down my opponent, or can’t get a lot of sucker punches in.

It was all honestly really fun, and good exercise.

Tomorrow, Skitter will be teaching me a set of martial arts that are suited best for earth ponies. If only for footwork and to help build leverage into my strikes. And Skittles(Yes, a nickname I just came up with), was more versed in fighting like an earth pony due to his favored disguise being an earth pony, and his general lack of reliance on magic.

Scatter would be teaching me some unicorn martial arts, because she was basically the opposite of Skitter; more reliant on magic, preferred being a unicorn when disguised. If I get body slammed again tomorrow, that’ll be fun. Like, no bullshit, wrestling a changeling who will body slam you after pinning you is fun, and really good motivation for getting better.

And of course, because I am super lucky, after training, I get to sit in a meeting room where Celestia, Luna, and Chrysalis discuss the terms and conditions of her Hive being a protectorate of Equestria. Meaning I get to sit, listen to boring political shit, and slowly, and deliberately, beat my head against the table. There was a bright side to this, however.

I didn’t talk much, and Chrysalis mostly just held me closely.

“At this point, I’m gonna drug all three of you guys and forge your signatures on a treaty or something. Just fucking agree on something already!” I pouted and crossed my forelegs. “I’m only here because Chrysalis wants to use me as an emotional support animal. So I might as well hear shit get done.”

“D’aw, is the little foal grouchy?” Celestia teased.

“Fuck you.”

“Watch it mister, you are already on thin ice for calling me a ‘Royal Fucking Highness’. if you’d like, we can make due on fucking my Royal Highness.” Celestia grinned at my pout becoming that of shear shock. What the fuck, Celestia? You’re a princess and you’re making jokes like that? Sounds like my type, but unfortunately for you, Celly, my Princess is in another castle… As in this one, who was now growling at Celestia.

But seriously, what the fuck, Celestia?

“Now, Celestia. Must I remind you who this stallion belongs to?” Chrysalis snarled.

“Can we not share him? I like Fruit’s cooking,” Luna hummed. “It would be like old times, you know.”

“Nope. My stallion!” Chrysalis held me closer… Y’all are lucky that Chrysalis Cuddles makes me very cozy and agreeable. Especially when… I… get really-

I started snoring in Chrysalis’s arms.

Author's Note

at some point, i will try to make to make a mini chapter, or author’s note on what exactly Fruit is learning in depth. From moves, styles, yadda ydaa.

If I don’t, then i probably forgot XP.