Air Sexi

In the Equestrian justice system, the ponies are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who bust pegasi hookers, and the Crown Courts that prosecute the offenders.

These are their stories.

“No further questions, your highness,” the prosecutor snivelled. “The Crown rests its case.”

Princess Twilight Sparkle looked down from her judge’s bench with a look of boredom, eyeing the trembling grey pegasus in the witness box. “Very well. Ms. Goodmare, any closing remarks? As if I didn’t know.”

Saddle Goodmare, Equestria’s top defence lawyer, leapt up from the desk in the courtroom and straightened her wig. “Thank you, your highness. I’ll save you some time, so we can all get out of here early. We don’t dispute any of the facts in this case.”

“We don’t?” Muffins burst out from the witness box.

“Your prosecutor has tried to make this seem complicated and confusing, but it’s very simple: my client runs a legitimate air taxi business, and she has three devoted and loving partners. Now I ask you, is it illegal to accept gifts of money from your coltfriend? Is it illegal to let him buy you lunch every day? Is it illegal to sit on his face at your place of work while you eat that lunch? Don’t answer that one.”

“Wait a minute.” Twilight held up a hoof. “You actually want me to believe that Derpy’s ‘customers’ are her coltfriends?”

Saddle put her own hoof on the judge’s desk and looked the Princess in the eye. “My client’s name is Muffins, your highness.”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “Fine... you want me to believe that ‘Muffins’ has three coltfriends?”

“Why not? Don’t you yourself have seven husbands and seven wives, one for each day of the week?”

“I fail to see how my royal harem is relevant, Ms. Goodmare,” Twilight stated through clenched teeth.

“My client might not have the sexual power of an alicorn, but she’s a healthy mare, and she keeps her partners very busy. The only crime committed that night was Thunderlane’s disgusting attempt to slander her as a sex worker after she rejected his unwanted advances!”

Twilight looked down at the pegasus in the dock. “Derp—I mean, Muffins, are you really going along with this chicanery? How could you possibly get three males of three different species to fall in love with you, all at once?”

“What can I say, your highness?” Muffins batted her eyelashes coyly. “I’m a confident mare with a lot to offer — and a sexy uniform doesn’t hurt, of course!”

“And do you have any proof that you and your partners were already in a relationship when you were observed flying to their homes and ‘getting intimate?’”

“I believe I have that covered,” Saddle Goodmare announced. The unicorn shyster hovered many large boxes onto the the table before her. “If it please the court, I have here restaurant receipts, ticket stubs, vacation photos, love letters, motel guest books, sex tapes... more sex tapes...”

Twilight Sparkle fumed. “This does not please the court, Ms. Goodmare!”

“Your highness, it’s my duty to present you with all the evidence that exonerates my client. Now, you can take a few weeks out of your busy schedule to review all of this...” Saddle declared smarmily as she hovered a third box of sex tapes onto the table, “or you can dismiss the case against my client and her three magnificent studs forthwith!”

Twilight sputtered, frowned, and finally picked up the gavel in her magic and banged it on her desk. “Fine, case dismissed, I guess,” she grumbled.

Saddle hoof-pumped. “Nailed it!” she said to herself.

“Yay!” Muffins cried out. “Everything’s going to be all better now!”

“2,000 bits?” Muffins screamed. She dropped Saddle Goodmare’s bill to the floor and swooned into Frank’s strong, supportive arms.

Saddle leaned back in her chair and put her hooves on her desk. “Hey, do you think it’s cheap to fake all of this evidence?”

“But the fine for soliciting is only 100!” Muffins put a wing to her forehead as her human lover helped her back onto her hooves. “I can’t afford this!”

“That’s not my problem.” Saddle dusted off her hooves. “I promised I’d get you off, and I got you off.”

“I don’t know what went wrong!” Muffins wept loudly. “I only wanted some extra money to buy birthday presents, and now I’m worse off than when I started!”

Frank, Rupert and Zocco silently looked at each other as they stood against the wall of Saddle’s office. None of them could stand to see their lover cry. They all thought of the time they’d spent with Muffins over the past week, as Saddle relentlessly urged each of them to create ever more “evidence” of a romance with the mare they’d all agreed to protect from legal trouble...

“This letter’s a good start, Frank, but don’t keep mentioning that you’re visiting the human world. It sounds suspicious. Just say you can’t wait to get back to Ponyville and see her again. I want another draft on my desk in ten minutes!”

...

“Now give Dinky her ice cream... big smiles, everypony! That’s perfect!”

...

“Look at her when you kiss her! You’re falling in love, you striped moron! You just realized she’s the one! You never want this night to end — now kiss her like you mean it!”

...

“Rupert, this poem sucks diamond dogshit! Do you think you can get a mare by rhyming ‘smash’ with ‘smash?’ My cunt is as dry as the Dragonlands! Zocco, get your ass over here and help Rupert write something mushy, yet arousing! I want a love poem that’ll make the Princess herself have to stop and rub one out!”

...

“Slap her flank! Put some passion into it! This isn’t the first time you’re making love, it’s just your first time filming it! Come on, do I have to show you how?”

Yes, this make-believe romance had bloomed into love! Real love, heavy and burning in the hearts of three males who couldn’t be more different from each other! Frank, Rupert and Zocco didn’t just crave sweaty, balls deep sex with Muffins: they loved her optimism, her sense of humour, and her bouncy... personality! They wanted to spend their lives with her, and to act as father figures for her daughter. Anypony who stood in the way of this wholesome, inter-species, polyamorous love affair would answer to them!

Suddenly Frank grabbed Saddle Goodmare by her tie and collar, and lifted her in the air. The unicorn lawyer was used to being threatened by her scumbag clients, but now she audibly gulped, overwhelmed by the tall human’s power... not to mention his potent, masculine scent.

“Do you know what I see when I look at you?” Frank growled at the quivering unicorn as she frantically kicked her hooves. “I see a frustrated mare who gets her clients off, but can’t get herself off.”

Zocco smirked. “A mare who knows each legal trick, yet never takes big zebra dick.”

Rupert summed up the argument: “Instead of bits, maybe lawyer pony wants to smash with Muffins’ three ‘magnificent studs?’”

Saddle’s struggles dwindled as streamers of her fragrant arousal dripped from her winking pussy onto her chair. “That would be... an acceptable substitute...” she admitted. After a week spent filming sex tapes of the three males banging Muffins in every hole, she knew better than anypony what they were capable of. Poor, neglected Saddle craved the same treatment these guys had been giving their fake marefriend... only rougher, and all at the same time!

“Guys, please! You don’t need to do this just for me!” Muffins insisted.

“Pretty pony might want to wait outside office,” Rupert cautioned the blushing grey pegasus.

“Just remember, Muffins,” Frank told his lover, “this slut means nothing to me. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t even bother wrecking her holes.”

“Yeah, Rupert loves pony too!”

“My love shines brighter than the sun — I’ll fuck her once and we’ll be done.”

Minutes later, Muffins sat uncomfortably in Saddle’s waiting room, holding tightly to her saddlebag among the drug dealers, public urinators and miscreants. Suddenly a realization surprised her.

“Love?!” she whispered to herself. “They actually love me? It wasn’t an act? Oh, my gosh!”

Before long, Muffins found herself pressing an ear against the office door, struggling to make out the screaming orgasms as Saddle Goodmare was taken to pound town by three weird, perfect dicks. Muffins just hoped that her special stallions wouldn’t be all tired out when they finished “paying off” her lawyer. She wanted to take them home and show them all the love she had in her heart for them!

She needn’t have worried about a thing. The next morning, Muffins staggered in to the Ponyville post office to start her day of work, sore, gaping, reeking of sweat and semen... and very happy.