Ponymon

The next day I got up a lot later than everybody else; as usual. Back then, the only thing that could get me out of my bed was an empty stomach or a full bladder. Occasionally, both of these reasons combined.

By the time I entered the dining room, mom, dad and even my little sis, who always took forever, were already finished with their breakfast. I sleepily wished them a good morning and headed straight to the fridge in the kitchen to get something I could snack on. However, on my way I walked into Suzanne that was resting on her mattress.

In my morning daze, I almost forgot about the feeling of guilt I felt since yesterday but I was quickly reminded of it when I saw her. It only added to it when she timidly backed away from me as soon as she registered me. I couldn’t just go and apologize now though. There was my dad, sitting in a chair nearby and I had too much pride in me to do it in front of him. I thought it would make me look weak, to openly admit my mistakes like that

So, I just went back to the table, acting as if nothing and waited for everyone else to leave the room. As soon as dad was finished with his morning coffee and mom went into the garden with my little sis, I stood up from my toast with hummus. Sneakily, to make sure she won’t see me coming, I approached Suzanne who was napping again and I slowly put my hand on her head.

At first I could see she was enjoying the scritches but then she opened her eyes and saw it was me; not my sister. The pony immediately flinched away.

"Hey, look, I didn’t really mean it yesterday." I tried to touch her again. Suzanne's mattress was in a corner of the room so she had nowhere to back away. I didn’t really help anything with it though. To show me her disdain for betraying her, Suzanne resisted eye contact and curled herself into a ball.

"...I just wanted to make my point in front of them, so that I wouldn’t look stupid.“ I frowned over myself, shamefully staring at the ground between us “I know that my problems aren’t your fault. I’m really sorry if that hurt, I didn’t mean it."

For a second I felt stupid, talking to an animal like that as if she could understand me. The next moment though, I felt something nuzzling my hand. It surprised me to see that Suzanne, as if she could tell I was honestly sorry, came to me herself.

“Heyy ...So we’re actually good then?” I softly laid my hand on her head to pet her.

She didn’t answer, although judging how she quickly cuddled herself closer to me, I took it as a “yes”.

“Oooh right, we’re good.” I chuckled as I buried the fingers of my other hand deep into the fluff on the pony chest to give her some thorough scritches. In return, I got my nose nibbled on.

What happened that day made me understand better just how deeply this creature can feel and understand the emotions of others. As I mentioned, it was surprising to me because I always considered animals kind of… dumb. Or shallow.

Suzanne was neither though. That I could tell already.

I cuddled her for a few minutes longer. However, I was still too proud to admit my change of mind because of this discovery to anyone else. So, when I was done with the pettings, about to stand up and finish my breakfast, I told her as if she could understand me:

“...Just please, don’t let my parents know about this, okay?”

“Sooz.” The mare cooed in reply.

“Great! It’s a deal then.” I booped her snoot and shaked her hoof. I knew she couldn’t possibly tell the meaning of my words but I wanted to pretend she does.

Seeing I’m leaving her, Suzanne gave me one last smile and in content that everything is fine again, began preening her wings. ...There was no point for her in doing it though, because her flappers were too tiny for any actual flying. I understood that she does that as her “comfort activity”. -That, or there’s a birb instinct somewhere deep inside her that she can’t overcome. I never actually found that out.

I watched her work on the colorful feathers while eating the rest of my breakfast. It was definitely more interesting than watching the morning news, which I deeply and thoroughly hated.

When she was done, Suzanne returned to finish her nap that I previously interrupted. After breakfast, I went back to my room.

***

Since then, almost two weeks had passed and I still pretended in front of my parents that I didn't even know Suzanne and she didn’t seem to mind. It was as if she understood we get to hang out when there's just the two of us. I didn't spend too much time around my parents anyway back then.

The miniature mare would sometimes visit me in my room and I was always glad to have her as a companion. She quickly learned that it’s a good way to get some love and attention because mom and dad didn’t really have too much time for her. It was mostly me and my little sister who had to do the job of keeping her entertained.

She’d also often spend evenings with me, while others were watching TV, residing in the chair I gave her. It quickly became one of her most favourite spots for some reason. Sometimes she would just watch me play, or get cuddled while I was watching a movie. Other times I was more active with her: We would practice some words or even play-fight. Suzanne always tried to out-wrestle me and sometimes I even let her win. Overall, I think she grew fond of me very quickly.

As embarrassing as it was to my ego, I grew fond of her just as quick.

Also, unlike anyone else in my life, she actually listened to me. Of course, she wouldn’t understand what exactly I was telling her but I knew she registered very precisely my mood and emotions. It made her somewhat easy to talk to; even though I didn’t always get an answer I was hoping for. (Sometimes I got a better one though.) What mattered to me the most, was the fact that she was 'truly there' with me - actually present with all of her being. Sharing the moments.

That was most important to me.

It was also why I soon found myself talking to her more than my own parents. I’d tell her everything that was on my mind, even the things I could never share with anyone, and she listened. She never judged me for my inability to always find the right words, my grades in school, my weaknesses, or the times I simply failed myself in life. She was the only one to love me unconditionally.

'Unlike mom and dad.' I thought.

I was a teenager, it was really hard to not see my parents as lowkey enemies. Especially when they threatened to kick me out of the house after turning 18, if I won’t stop being lazy. And man, it was going to be soon. I wasn’t sure if they actually meant it or if it was just meant to scare me into doing something with myself. It didn't work though and it only made things worse.

I felt like I couldn’t possibly survive on the street and telling me such things seemed really cruel to me. I didn't ask to be born and I thought that they shouldn't have had me in the first place if they weren't ready to love me as I was.

Maybe I was a worthless piece of a brat but if I was to ever change into something better, I needed love. Not threats.

So, yeah, in a single week, Suzanne became my favourite of all the residents in our house. There was nothing wrong about my sister of course but she was a little girl in elementary; we didn’t have much in common at those times.

And while a lot of my conversations with Suzanne were monologues, sometimes she spoke too. Mostly it was just repetition of my own words but over a relatively short time she learned to accurately name a few things and later on, she could even name feelings. ...That was a bit more later on though, firstly it was just objects or actions. And while her ability was quite impressive, merely a smile at the right time was often all I needed from her.

Speaking of words though, Suzanne liked her own name the most. It was her way to express almost everything because it was easy to articulate and she must have understood the word was specifically hers. I remember that after a few days, she began announcing herself in the doorframe before entering. A total pokémon.

However, she would never form any sentences. Dad mentioned she can only parrot back, that these creatures don’t possess the intelligence for it. I believed him back then.

***

The only downside of our relationship, which was quickly growing, were Suzanne’s colourful hair on each of her spots in my room. After the first week of befriending her, the chair was covered with them.

...Okay, maybe not “covered” but it was getting noticeable and I still didn't want my parents to know that she was visiting me so often. That's why I intended to vacuum it all that fateful saturday; two weeks later from our first friendly encounter. I was just sneakily taking the hoover into my room when I bumped into my dad:

"There you are! I was looking for you-- Hey, what happened that you actually took the initiative to clean your room, champ?" he laughed, patting my shoulder.

"Nothing." I chuckled nervously "I-I always clean my room, it's just not as often as ya'll do."

"Sure you do..." dad grinned somewhat mockingly because he knew it was far from the truth "That’s not why I’m here though, I was going to talk to you about:.." He proceeded to give me one of his definitely-not-forced pep talks about going outside.

He was already about five minutes into his progressively more and more patronising monologue when he brought up that I could take Suzanne for a walk too. That was actually kind of lucky for me because I wanted to do that sometime but I could never ask for that myself in my own pride. However, I could suddenly swat two flies by simply agreeing. So, interrupted my father with pretended annoyance:

“Uhg, fine dad. I’ll take her for a walk then. Would that make you happy then?”

“Well, yeah, it actually would... " My dad stopped, almost surprised it was so easy to convince me to get off my ass. I could bet that he thought it was his: ‘If you keep sitting in your room, you’ll be fat in your 30’ that convinced me. “I knew there's some sense in you." He even smiled and patted my shoulder again "I'll prepare the leash and you'll go after lunch. Your mother has it almost ready."

"Yup, sure..." I kept posing as apathetic in front of him, that is until I found myself alone in the room. Then I victoriously dabbed because I was a total 2000’s zoomer. “Boo yeah, illusion level 100!”

…Looking back, it was pretty cringy. But then again, such were the times.

Just as my dad said, it didn’t take long till I was summoned for lunch. While eating, I brought up Suzanne. Normally, I wouldn’t talk about her with my parents but since I was already supposed to take her for a walk, it felt more congruent than usual.

"...So how long are they even supposed to live?" I glanced at the pony that was laying on her mattress.

"We were told that theoretically around 60 or 70 years. But, since there isn't a live specimen this old, it's hard to say. ...She may probably outlive us, that's why you should hone your relationship with her a bit.”

“Yeah, sure… How intelligent did you say these things can get though? Will she grow too?"

"God no. She’s already almost as big as that horrible St. Bernard's dog you wanted.” Mom softly chuckled, “As adorable as she is, I wouldn’t allow anything so big here, even if it was a single inch more.”

”And she won’t get any smarter either I'd say. She’s supposed to be adult already.” Dad answered the rest of my question “...But she can learn a lot of things the way she is. I’m planning to teach her how to use a toilet so that we won’t have to let her out each time she has to go.”

”Practical as always…” My mom smirked at my dad. “Do you really think she can do that?”

”If some cats can, I don’t see why not. What do you think, Anon?” he glanced at me.

“Me?.. I uh, guess Suzzanne’s pretty smart…”

Hearing her name, the mentioned pony raised her head and opened her eyes:

"Soozane..?"

”...I think she likes you, Anon.” Mom smiled, then frowned a bit “...Even though you’re not really giving her a lot of reasons for it.”

I put another morsel of my lunch into my mouth to avoid answering that. After a little while, I asked another question:

“...And why did you pick one that’s so colourful? She’s like a parrot in almost every aspect.”

”Because it’s cuuuute!” My sister, who was too busy with her food to speak until then, finally joined the conversation. It made my dad chuckle:

”It’s not like we had too many choices. They were all extremely similar. Almost as if they were cloned from each other. But we liked those bright cyan eyes,- most of the others had purple ones.”

"Huh, really?"

"Yes. I don’t know how they did this but it's interesting."

"It sure is..." I eyed at Suzanne who was resuming in her nap. Then I dug into my lunch again.

…

After everyone was finished eating, I went on to dress myself so I could go for a walk with the pony, just like I promised. Meanwhile, my dad put the collar on her and prepared a leash, just like he promised...

"Soozane! Sooozane!" The mare was already excited by the door when I returned, trotting and jumping around, eager to finally be outside.

It was always a big moment for Suzanne to see more than our garden because my parents didn’t have the time to take her for a walk every day. My sister would, but she was too small for it.

When I opened the door, the mare yanked with me so hard I almost fell. However, as soon as we were outside, she stopped pulling me. There she did what looked like some kind of celebratory dance, jumping in a circle around me.

“If she misbehaves or if she won’t stop pulling you, just smack her flank properly with the leash. It makes her listen, okay?” Dad told me, watching me from the doorframe.

“Sure…”

“And keep her close to you! Don’t let her run off too far!” My mom added as I was about to leave.

“Sure mom.” I waved without turning around.

It was a relief to finally step behind a corner, out of their sight. By that time, Suzanne calmed herself down enough to stop pulling me, staying mostly in the range of her leash. She knew that getting choked by it isn’t too pleasant for a long period of time.

"Phew..." I glanced at her "... It's hard to stand them sometimes isn't it?"

The mare looked at me too, lightheartedly smiled, and continued walking as if nothing. It still bugged me a bit though. Maybe I just wanted to revolt against my parents because I felt as if I was on an invisible leash too. So, after a few more metres when I saw that Suzanne was behaving, I stopped:

"...What would you say about taking that horrible thing off?"

The pony stopped too, gazing at me, trying to figure out what I wanted from her. To further explain, I reached towards her collar to loosen it up...

That she must have understood. Along with the wide smile rising on the Suzanne’s face, her wings spread open like two tiny umbrellas and she got all excited:

“Soozane, Suuuzane!!”

"But no running off, okay?” I laughed “At least not while we're still on the streets... Once we get to the fields, you can run wherever you want. As long as you return."

In all of that wing flapping and hooves clopping on the ground, it didn’t feel like she really paid me enough attention. I crouched down then, getting face to face.

"No running off, okay?"

It made her calm down a bit, enough to look at me. Something in her expression convinced me that she understood at least a part of it. So, I pulled the leather collar down.

The second I stood up though, she jetted away; straight ahead.

The faces of my angry parents flashed right in front of my mind if I should return back without our new, costly pet. In my fear, I yelled as loud and intimidating as I could:

"Suzanne!!!! Stop!!!"

...And to my absolute surprise, the mare froze in fear of my harsh tone. As I approached her with the leash in my hand, she looked terrified. She knew she'd get smacked after someone yells so harshly at her.

I actually considered giving her a smack, but… I just couldn’t. I knew what my dad said, but I didn’t want to be like my parents. I hated their way of disciplining me through fear, so I wanted to prove to myself that it can be done differently too.

I kneeled to Suzanne and gently laid my hand on her shoulder, a habit of my father that I unknowingly took up from him.

“No running off, Suzie. Okay?” I moved my hand up on her neck to stroke her fur.

She wouldn’t even flinch though. The mare almost shivered in fear, still expecting a beating. To make sure she knows that I won’t hit her, I looked around to check if no one could see us, and I hugged her.

“I’m sorry Suzie,.. I was just worried because I swore I won’t lose you…” I whispered to the mare’s fuzzy ear while cuddling her. “I promise I’ll never hit you, don’t worry…”

It must have been enough to convince the mare because she very quickly eased up in my arms; soon to be nuzzling my neck. When I was sure that we’re cool, I got up and tousled her mane.

Just to be sure, I added one more time:

“No running off, okay?”

“No wunning.” she replied, emphasising on it by softly waving her head; just like I did.

“Clever girl.” I chuckled in amusement, petting her one more time.

After that, she was on her best behaviour and I was glad that I didn’t have to resort to violence. It worked out for both of us. Suzanne kept herself mostly on the grass next to the sidewalk, staying close enough to me so I could call her back if there was some kind of danger.

Luckily, there wasn’t. Soon enough we found ourselves in front of a back-alley that I was looking for.

The alley was too narrow for a car and not many people were using it either so I considered it safe. It was leading through the last housing estate at the edge of the city. After that, there were just unpaved roads through the fields, a creek around the estate, and even some trees; which are kinda rare in cities.

I deemed it was finally safe to let Suzanne enjoy some freedom and see some spring. The weather wasn’t exactly pretty, it was quite humid, but my pony girl didn’t seem to mind.

"Hey Suz, you can run free now." I stopped to tell her.

She stopped too, gently shook her head like before and announced with all officiality:

"No wunning."

I snorted. It was surprising to see how well she remembered it. I wanted her to have some fun though, so I told her: "Yes running." while gently slapping her rump, as if giving a tag, and I ran up ahead.

Gotta say, Suzanne understood that well enough. Before I knew it, I felt her wing-slapping my asscheek back and she was already in front of me. She ran through the alley and went around the corner, where I lost sight of her.

I wasn’t worried at first, I knew the path led only one way so I couldn’t lose her. However, when I emerged at the end, she was nowhere to be found.

I looked around: behind me were the estate walls, in front of me was just a tiny bridge over the creek and some trees growing everywhere alongside it. The passage forward, perpendicular to the creek, only led to the fields and I could definitely spot a colourful pony in an open space if she was there. She wasn’t though. There were trees alongside the water too but I assumed that there weren't enough of them for a pony to get lost between.

“Suzanne..?” I called worriedly, trying to remain calm. It wasn’t really working though. I knew that my parents would kill me if I lost her and I definitely didn’t want to lose her even if they wouldn’t. I couldn't ever forgive myself.

“Suzzanne where are you??!” I yelled again.

...

...I’d probably lose it, if I didn’t suddenly hear her answer:

“Suzaaan!”

I turned around to the direction I heard her voice coming from but it was too late. Her plan worked flawlessly. The last thing I saw was a tiny mare pouncing at me like a wildcat from behind a single tree that she was sneakily hiding behind. In less than a second I was on my back, getting my face licked without a slight of mercy.

I was so shocked that I didn’t even resist her for a while. Only when I processed what happened, I finally managed to push her away from me and sit up.

I was angry because I hit my back, my clothing and my face was dirty, and most of all: I (quite literally) fell for such a simple prank. Once again I considered listening to my dad and giving Suzanne's flank a proper smack, to let her know that it wasn't okay, or funny.

I couldn’t actually hit her though, I promised to never do that. No matter whether she understood that or not, a promise was a promise.

...Deep down I knew she didn’t have any evil intentions, she just wanted to play. While still angry, I was also kind of relieved that she was back. Nonetheless, it still took a while longer to calm down completely and sigh:

“...You’re horrible, you know that?”

“Haweeble!” Suzanne chirped happily.

“Yeah, you’re no angel that you claim to be. This isn’t what I signed up for.” I chuckled. “And you better work on those “R’s”, young girl.”

Suzanne giggled back, as if she knew...

Then I stood up, cracked my back to make sure every vertebra was in place, and we were on our way.

I led us forward, straight ahead through the fields, via a road that I remembered as “that one dusty trail”. However, the last time I was there, it was summer. Now it was all muddy. Suzanne didn’t mind though. She was running around through the muddy fields, really far away, and then back again. I didn’t need to worry because I could always see her; no matter how far she ran.

The mare would occasionally slap me with her wing as she ran past me, probably hoping I’d chase her. That was really naive of her though, because there was no way I’d spend all my energy for nothing. I knew I couldn't possibly catch her. Only after she exhausted herself enough to slow down, I finally took the initiative to try it. Needless to say, the waiting was worth the wait and I got my revenge: When she slapped my ass again, I went after her and I easily caught up. Then I jumped at the pony, pulling her down with me.

The ground was wet and Suzanne was sweaty like a racehorse; which I didn’t exactly think of before taking my action. I was already dirty though, so I didn’t stop: I pinned the mare down into the muddy ground and began tickling her. She laughed and squirmed, trying to escape my grasp but in vain.

It was fun, but all those human noises coming from her suddenly made me feel strange for a second while running my hands all around her body. As if I was actually doing something inappropriate. Then again, ‘It’s just Suzzanne.’ I thought. ‘No reason to feel awkward around her of all creatures.’

And I carried on “terrorising” the mare with my rubs and tickles to the point that she just gave up, panting and chuckling. Then I tousled her mane and let her go. She wouldn’t stand up with me though, rather stayed laying where she was; merely closing her legs and grinning at me while resting.

So, I sat back down next to her, watching the fluffy chest move up and down before she regained enough energy to get up. When she did, I deemed it was time to go home. Suzanne was tired and happy, we were pretty far from our house and we already had a lotta fun; It felt like it was about time.

On the way back, we both went pretty slow. There wasn’t anywhere to hurry. Certainly not to my mom. I knew she would surely not be pleased with the manner we were returning.

Suzanne was keeping herself right next to me the whole time, sometimes brushing herself over my thigh. I couldn’t tell whether it was from affection or exhaustion. Maybe both... I didn’t even bother leashing her because of it.

Just as I expected, my mom wasn’t exactly happy on our arrival. She was all: “Where have you been so long? Why are you so damn dirty? Who do you think is going to wash all that?”

I wanted to tell her: “You.” but I didn’t have the balls for it. It was obvious anyway. I left my trousers and a jacket by the wash machine while my mother was in the bathroom, washing Suzanne from top to bottom. Then I went to the sink to wash my hands and face too.

Before I’d do that though, I smelled the Suzzanne’s sweat still on my palm. Out of curiosity of course, I expected something nasty. ...You know how you sometimes scratch your balls and smell the hand afterwards? Don’t tell me you’ve never done that. I know you’d be lying. ...Suzanne's scent didn’t smell nasty though. It smelled sweet-ish, a bit like fruit that’s too ripe; about to ferment but not yet.

As much as it surprised me, I washed it off the next second nonetheless. It explained the strange fruity scent in my room, each time I returned from school though.

When my hands and face were clean, I went to the toilet. It took me a little while, so by the time I was done, Suzanne was already all clean again. I found her laying on her mattress, eyes closed and judging by the gentle snores: she was already sleeping.

It meant I did an excellent job with the walkies. Even my mom had to admit that to herself, if not me.

I smiled, just watching the pony breathe for a short while before I’d go to my room. Even if I couldn’t openly admit it, she already had a very special place in my heart...