The Universe Hates You Specifically

Edgar, as per usual, found himself struggling to keep up. None of these ponies were familiar to him, although they all seemed to be pretty assured of their own importance, each in their own ways.

However the most pressing question- other than that of Onyx’s safety- was what exactly was the Witch doing? Aside from the fact that she appeared to be comatose, floating a metre of the ground and extremely on fire, she’d apparently just blazed a roundabout trail of destruction until she arrived at this room, whereupon she had just stopped, showing no sign of activity except for when she had brutally incapacitated Onyx- who had ignored her completely.

Coolly, he reached up to the side of his goggles, and erring on the side of caution, he tried keeping his movements slow, so as not to draw too much attention. After lowering the goggles over his eyes, he let his fingers wander back around to the right. With a quick twist of his claw, the dial on the casing slipped round into the next setting, and a new lens snapped into place with a satisfying cktHUNK.

The grim-looking pegasus mare in the back was out cold, and the two unicorns guarding her had settled into a defensive stance- the mare, Edgar noted, had been using her hooves to treat their leader. Considering all the fallen bodies that lay about the room, it was a safe assumption to make that there had been a clash between the two forces, and the victors were obviously exhausted. Sweat coated the two of them, and under the indigo tint of his goggles, neither of them had any discernible aura, magical or otherwise.

Interestingly enough, the same could not be said for their “Prior”, but seeing as she was already down for the count, Edgar shelved his interest and moved on with his assessment of the scene.

Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, he turned blindly to the other side of the room. As his gaze passed over a certain spot in the room, the intensity of the light came right through his eyelids, making each vein stand out. Then as he craned his neck further still, he inhaled sharply as a second and even more radiant point in the room filled his view with pure white, with only a hint of purple discolouration remaining.

When he opened his eyes again, he’d successfully looked to the other side of the room without blinding himself, though dark spots still danced across his vision. Under what looked to be an amateurish attempt at carving a pew, the guard captain had tried and failed to hide himself. Curiously, a few wayward curlicues of charged mana rose off him like steam.

His survey was complete. Two obstacles, two objectives.

When he removed the goggles, his face settled into a dark glower, directed at nobody in particular, as he listened to the old guy grandstand about how useless everyone else was compared to him.

The smug bastard occasionally plucked away at his fiddle without any real purpose or reason to do so, which pissed Edgar off a little- how blithely the stallion teased at a melody or even just a rhythm, but then all too suddenly cut it off, a tacit admission that yes, the whole endeavour had indeed been pointless.

Then, of course, there was the way that he’d been totally dismissed by just about everypony else in the room. Even Onyx had forgotten about him entirely pretty much as soon as he saw the pegasus, sprawled out in her own blood. It’s not that he was desperate for attention, but to be treated like such a non-entity was a little incensing.

More than anything else, Edgar was beyond irritated by the fact that everypony present was focused on the specific Witch that he’d come here for. First she had to go and get herself kidnapped, and now of course she had to be at the centre of some contrived conspiracy, complete with weird religious types and also a ghostly Alicorn that had yet to reappear since he’d first seen her.

Heaven forbid a griffon get any closure from the potential murderer of his work partner and also tentative friend.

He was also rather angry that nopony else seemed to be concerned for Onyx, even as the battered unicorn shuddered with each shallow breath, the smell of his burnt flesh still hanging about the room. At least the saddlebags that Edgar had tasked him with locating and protecting were safe.

Was it too much to ask for things to be simple for once? For things to go right?

Old guy- Fiddle Boy, Edgar decided he was going to be called- seemed to be done with his preamble, having completed his infuriatingly theatrical walk around the room, complete with over the top gesticulations and dramatic pauses. At one point he’d carefully stepped over the Onyx’s prone form, heavily exaggerating the motion. Edgar really hated this guy.

Now this asshole, who for some reason was exempt from the lashing blows of fire, stood in front of the Witch, holding his instrument aloft in one hoof, the bow in the other.

Was he going to try and stop the mare by playing music at her? Was the fiddle magic? The fact that he had even entertained such a ridiculous thought made Edgar tense up a little more. His forelegs throbbed with a barely contained fury.

The fiddler began to play.

The piece had a rather haunting quality, beginning on a low, minor note. It was closer to a dirge than the normal kind of ditty you’d expect from a fiddler. That being said, there was no speed to it, and with each glacial change from note to note, he found that the simplicity of the melody was oddly disappointing.

Regardless of how underwhelming it seemed to Edgar, the Witch seemed to react immediately- it appeared that something was happening. A shimmering trail spun itself in an incandescent circle, subtly tessellating and arcing with power as it shot upwards without warning and formed into a dome-like structure, tinted by a desaturated brownish red colour.

The oppressive heat on the air felt immediately lessened, as if the source had been cut off. Edgar involuntarily cried out in a panic after his eyes fell upon the crumpled white unicorn, very much on the inside of the ring.

He took an experimental step forward, and while that familiar tendril of flame menaced Onyx’s body until he moved backwards again, the distance he travelled with the first movement was almost double the amount he moved in reverse. Like this, Edgar began to edge closer to the circle, one big stride forward, a small skip backwards.

Then Fiddle Boy began to sing, and it began to dawn on Edgar that the fiddle wasn’t the thing to focus on. With the introduction of the “lyrics”, the time signature changed up, and he played with an increased tempo and fervour, power behind every bow of the strings. Now, the song took on the style of a waltz, bobbing with each sentence.

Edgar was starting to understand. The stallion was using his music to provide a rhythm to his incantations, whatever spell he was casting. A focus.

Movement drew Edgar’s gaze over to the unicorns on the far side of the room- both of them were dragging unconscious ponies towards the left wall, where Edgar now spotted a small door. He made eye contact with the mare just as she made it over the threshold- she blew a raspberry at him, shutting the door behind her.

He was pretty much at the edge of the ring now. From here he could already tell that Onyx’s back was probably going to be permanently scarred, unless he got immediate treatment. Edgar didn’t have to look around to figure out how unlikely that was.

A dim maroon aura of magic burst into existence around Fiddle Boy’s horn, and without faltering in his song, he opened up a pack slung around his shoulders and procured a piece of chalk. Playing all the while, he started to draw esoteric symbols and pentacles, no doubt part of whatever mystical experiment he was conducting.

Experimentally, Edgar lowered his goggles once more, making his way about the perimeter slowly. Whatever the crazy unicorn was doing, it had certainly made observing the visible aspects of the magic far less painful.

Each of the shapes and patterns Fiddle Boy drew lit as he channelled his energy along them, and at first glance it appeared as if large reservoirs of mana were flowing out of him and into the dome, however, aided by the sight of the goggles, Edgar was able to see the secondary perimeter within the first.

In the background, the captain wailed and threw himself through the window, exiting with far less grace than the robed unicorns had.

Concentric circles of luminous chains shimmered in the air, and for a moment, dark crystals superimposed upon the whorls of his horn, crackling with a distinct menace. Edgar could actually recognise a few of the simpler symbols- some parts from his training, others from his experiences in the field.

However, what little was familiar quickly disappeared, incorporated into larger and presumably more powerful amalgamations of the runes, and the song changed up yet again, this time into a full-blown jig, although the gothic trappings of the earlier movements remained.

The griffon’s brow furrowed as he forced himself to focus- what exactly was Fiddle Boy trying to do? There was some variation on a Zebrican protection charm, although the shamanistic predilection for dot painting and laconic squiggles had been exchanged for the smoother lines of the Northern peoples. Was that an important detail, or was it simply a workaround for the limitations of using chalk?

What else was there? Some kind of binding spell? Was he perhaps summoning something, or was he trying to entrap the blazing Witch? A few words in the song stuck out, words of power that bore some kind of base familiarity, thanks in both to his studies and sheer animal instinct. There was a deep thrum that sprung forth in each uttered vowel, and Edgar felt his stomach turn as the notes ran through him.
Edgar cast a quick glance up at the Witch. Had the flames died down a bit since last he’d looked? Her face, now clearly visible, showed her lips had curled into a small smile.

Cogs turning rapidly in his mind, Edgar started to put things together. It was clear that the old stallion was a very talented multicaster, and he was putting together the largest circlet that Edgar had ever witnessed. Occasionally a Witch would combine two or more magical invocations to elicit a different or more powerful effect, although the difficulty and complexity of the interactions between different spells tended to grow exponentially.

Fiddle Boy was threading together a series of at least seven different elements as far as Edgar could tell, and of those seven he only had a grasp of what two of them did. The second spell in the circlet corresponded to the shield. The fifth one, he recognised as a pegasus incantation that in antiquity had been used by the so-called storm-masters, who had been succeeded by normal weather teams, who in turn had been succeeded by Rain Wardens.

~~~

“L-Luna?” Bea’s voice briefly warped as her past form shifted into her lucid one. “What’s going on?” Shivering in the heat of the princess’ embrace, she nonetheless returned the gesture, giving Luna a quick squeeze with both hooves before disentangling herself.

Luna drew herself up to her full height and started proudly, “I told you Beatrix-” but was cut off by the light blue unicorn.

“Just ‘Bea’. Please? Just… just ‘Bea’, for now.” Luna was taken aback by the lack of energy that the usually spunky mare spoke with, but after a moment of pause, she nodded her head in understanding.

“As I said, I am the Princess of Dreams!” Evidently very proud of the title, she smiled at Bea, as if seeking her approval.

“Shit. I thought you were like-” Luna continued to beam as Bea spoke. “Like, ok; I thought that was a joke?” she nervously kicked at the ground with one of her hooves, “Or an innuendo.” She added under her breath.

Luna’s smile was far more intimidating than any amount of childhood trauma that Bea had faced. “What was that?”

“Nothing!” Bea squeaked out, kicking the floor far harder than she had initially intended, and hurting her hoof. “Ouch! Damnit.” Rubbing the sore appendage, she peered up at the princess. “So, you uhh, you can enter people’s dreams?

“Well, yes. Kind of. At least I’m supposed to be able to.” Luna’s tone indicated that there were many questions lingering just behind the forefront of her mind, but she held back, for Bea’s sake. “Bea. You didn’t answer my question. Are you alright?”

Bea titled her head up a tiny fraction to meet Luna’s face. “I… I don’t know.” She hesitated as she looked for the words, and the princess waited patiently. “Seeing some ponies again after all this time… it messed me up a little, Luna.” A gentle hoof stroked Bea’s back, and Luna nodded, muttering affirmations. “Not to mention the whole kidnapping thi-”

“THe wHAT?” Luna’s hoof froze mid stroke. Oh yeah, Bea thought to herself, Luna wasn’t there when that happened.

Bea laughed, shrugging Luna’s foreleg off before comforting her with a few pats on the back. “Not to worry thought. I uhh…” Luna’s expression was comically concerned- shrunken pupils and a slack jaw. “Ah hell. Something happened, didn’t it?” Bea gave her a little shake to snap her out of it. “I don’t suppose you could wake me up?”

“I can certainly try bu-”

“Sweet! Let’s do it!” Bea’s heart thumped in anticipation and she started to roll her neck about in order to work out the knots that had accumulated, despite the fact that her current manifestation had no bearing upon her corporeal form.

Dumfounded, Luna stumbled a little, before steadying herself. “Ok.” She moved closer, until the two mares were face to face. “Umm…” Bea cocked her head at her, squinting a little. “Close your eyes?” Bea obediently complied, and waited for Luna to do her thing to wake her up.

And kept waiting. She blinked one eye open. “Uhh, Luna? What’s the hol-” she only caught a glimpse of the princess’ face before Luna lunged forward with an uncharacteristic ferocity, kissing her; urgent and desperate and- Bea awoke with a gasp, falling to the floor.

“Oh! Gosh.”

~~~

Edgar saw his moment. Kicking off the ground, he javelined through the air with a razor focus. Hitting Fiddle Boy dead on with a flying shoulder check, he looped upwards and wheeled back around- only landing for a moment to grab Onyx in the one claw and Bea in the other. His targes secured, he shot off again, aiming directly at the already partially shattered window. At the last moment, he spun himself about and folded his wings in, clutching the two unicorns to his chest as he exited the building spine first.

Fiddle Boy struggled to his feet just as the spell that he’d been building lost cohesion and fell apart, backfiring, and sending the old stallion flying through a nearby wall.

Performing a corkscrew, Edgar opening his wings and righted himself, gliding out into the night with two rogue unicorns- one of whom was severely injured, and the other one- albeit unintentionally- had caused those injuries. A few days ago, it would have been hard for him to imagine life getting any stranger or more complicated, but now?

Onyx mumbled incoherently in his sleep, and Edgar winced. “Sorry bud. I lost yer new hat.”

The Witch had seemingly snapped out of her stupor because she looked up at him with a quizzical expression. “Hey, uhh…”

“Oh shoot- Uhh… sorry about grabbin’ ya without asking fer permission first, ma’am. But… I figured that ‘twas probably best not to stick around with Fiddle Boy ‘bout to blow.”

Her face scrunched up further, and Edgar realised that perhaps he should work on his phrasing. His cheeks burned a little, and if he wasn’t carrying two flightless ponies a fatal distance above the ground, he would definitely be scratching at the back of his scruff.

“Hmm.” She clicked her tongue. “Aren’t you that guy… that tried to arrest me, like, half a week ago?” He looked at her, deadpan.

“Ok. First off, that was only a lil’ more than a cycle ago. Maybe one and a half. And secondly- yeah, I- I, uhh… was? Look, I’m not gonna lie. That is exactly what we were trying to do.” Reminded of the dead pegasus, Bea cringed, and Edgar chuckled lightly. “Ah well. Life’s funny.”

Bea was becoming increasingly aware of their decreasing altitude. Edgar continued, “In regards to that, I’ve pretty much already resigned, just not officially. I’ve got nothing against you, nor any of yer kin.” She regarded him lazily, which was an impressive feat to pull off while dangling from one of his claws. It was clear she didn’t believe him.

Edgar sighed. “Look. I dun’t really care what you think or do, but can you at least promise to do what you can for my pal before you head off? After all; you were the one that did this to him.” She considered it, and jokingly he added on “Besides, if you ended up killing both of my friends… well, that’d just be cruel.”

“Fine.” He didn’t need to look down to see that her forelegs were crossed and her face was stuck in a indignant pout. “I’ll do what I can.”

“Well then, that’d be just swell.” There was no sound other than the flap of Edgar’s wings. “Say- In the meantime; seeing as we’re chums now an’all…” Bea looked back up at him incredulously. “Mind telling me what’s up with the magic princess ghost?”

“What. How do you know about her?”

Onyx woke up, and burbled deliriously, eager to add to the conversation. “mmmI’m a princeszzzmm.”

“Sure are, bucko. But how about you try and stay still and quiet for me, mmk?” Onyx groaned in pain and complied. They flew a little further, quietly stewing in the oddity of the whole situation. “So anyhoo, is she like, iunno, the source of yer power or somethin’ cool like that? See; I read this one book calle-”

“Please stop talking.”

“Sure thang, boss lady.” Edgar closed his eyes, whistling softly. “Dang, that sounded slick.”

“Shut up!”