The Cupcakes Were a Lie!!!
Before you comment, this story is supposed to have a lot of errors, since Pinkie Pie is supposedly writing it. I hope you enjoy!
My life is bucked. Sooooo bucked. Have you ever had an outdoor party that was going so well, then a rainstorm happens, then everypony tries to run inside, but they are in a middle of a forest, so they try to build a house in the middle of the forest, but then they don't have a certified architect to make the right measurements for the house in the forest, then the house breaks down, then all the ponies blame the party planner? THEN A TORNADO KILLS EVERYPONY? Well, that is exactly my life right now, except the rainstorm is a book, the ponies are the ponies, the party planner is me, and the ponies that were the ponies thinks I was actually the tornado.... If that makes sense.
Heyo! I'm Pinkie Pie, part-time baker, part-time party planner, and part-time fortune teller. Or, as others think, Pinkamena, the twisted freak that murders everyone in Ponyville and turns them into cupcakes. Okay, let me clear my writing throat for this one... I AM NOT A MURDERER AND IT WAS JUST A BOOK! How is this book ruining my life?! I can't even throw a party without ponies running away from me! Do you know what happened last time I went outside while eating a cupcake? Everypony ran around like maniacs, screaming, "Pinkamena killed Lyra! AHHHHH!"
It was just a mint-green cupcake! It was new on the menu for the Bakery!
So before I get into the part of the story where the book ruins my life, let's get to the beginning, where it all started...
It had to start at the library, of course.
So it was just a regular day in Ponyville. There was nothing special going on... Well, it was John's birthday on the corner and he was throwing a small tea party, but that doesn't matter. So it was just a regular day, and out of nowhere, and brown leather book named "Cupcakes" was found in the library... From the first part of this story, you probably already inferred that said story was about me killing everypony in Ponyville one by one, then finally torturing my best friend, Rainbow Dash, right? Well it was a story about me killing everypony in Ponyville one by one, then finally torturing my best friend, Rainbow Dash (I would never do that in real life or in any life). ANYWAYS, there's this horrible and gory story found in the library, and you know where it was and who found it?
... Out of any place the story about ponies torturing ponies could have been, it had to be in the foal's section of the library.
Yeah! You read this right! Three little six year-old foals were the first to read the author-less gore fiction! The story just had to be called "Cupcakes", because due to the title, the foals thought the story would be about sweets and princesses and pony tales!
They are all at therapy now.
So after the story scarred some little foals, the parents found out of it, then warned their foals to stay away from me. Then those parents told other parents, and those parents told their foals. Then those foals told their friends. And while that whole reaction is going on, the book is becoming one of the most read books in the whole library! Now Ponyville is in this whole funk about me being a murderer! Some ponies even called the police on me... Twice! My basement is clean, and now they even know it!
The things ponies believe these days.
And the worst thing is that I don't even know who wrote it! The book had no author! And since everypony knows who I am, it's all just one big mess!
Now back to part about how it's ruining my life.
So the first thing I learned since that wretched book came out was how fast ponies run when you sneak up on them.
It's like lightning! One second I'm behind them, and when they see me , BOOM. They're gone!
Anyways, I knew it had to stop. I was going to clear my name! I'm not Pinkamena, the murderer that turns ponies into assorted sweets. I'm Pinkie Pie! The party-planner that makes everypony smile!
The first thing that I did was consult with my friends.
"Well Pinkie, we know you're not a murderer, but what can we do to help the other ponies?" Applejack said. Wait... How do I write Applejack's accent? Let me try that again...
"Wel Pinkee, we-ah kno yur not a murderer, but wha can wee do tah help dah other poniez?"
Was that too much? That was too much, wasn't it? Horseapples... Let me just take out a few of those spelling errors...
"Well Pinkie, we know yah ain't a murderer, but what can we do tah help the other ponies?" Applejack said. (NAILED IT!)
"TELL THEM I'M NOT A MURDERER! Because if they think I'm a murderer, then ponies stay away from me. And if ponies stay away from me, I can't make them smile. Unless I get a floating air balloon that flies around town with signs that have jokes, and then that would cause them to smile even when I'm not there... But if they know it's from me then they'll just be reminded that I'm a murderer, which would cause them to NOT smile, and I don't want them to not smile. I want them to not not smile! But if I change my name to Bluey Orange..." Blah blah blah, I said. I've learned to tune myself out... I don't even listen to what I'm saying sometimes! I wonder how my friends even take it...
"...But in the end, even if I change my name to Bluey Orange, dye my hair purple, join the circus, and adopt an orange cat that makes doughnuts, they would still hate me!"
Twilight looked at me with a confused face before she began to talk.
"I'm sorry Pinkie, even I've noticed how people are reacting these days! I've been trying to tell everypony that it's just a fiction, and even though the book had been causing a lot of ponies to go to the library, I still made the book restricted of reading to borrowing."
"I'm sorry to you, Twilight," Rarity had a quizzical look while speaking. "But I think that only helped the fire. They're selling copies in every bookstore now. The pony who decided to sell it got interviewed on Oprah Pony yesterday. Their planning to make a TV series about this!"
"WHAT!? Noooooooo! I swear, if I knew who made this poopy story, I would never give he/her any sweets or parties for a whole year! Or maybe their whole life!"
"Oh Pinkie Pie, it's okay." Fluttershy gave me a pat on the back. "Just wait this out. Ponies have to forget about it sometime, right?"
I thought about this for a couple seconds. I guess ponies do forget, huh? The ponies forgot about that time I filled the whole town with icing... They were actually pretty okay with that!
"I guess..." I said. But I wasn't done! I had to be sure with one more thing. "You don't hate me, right Rainbow Dash?"
Rainbow Dash raised one eyebrow and gave me that "Are you serious Pinkie?" look. Those looks were always really adorable.
"Are you serious Pinkie?" I knew it! "You asked me this seven times already! You're the last person I'd ever hate in all of Equestria... Wait, scratch that. I wouldn't even dare to hate you."
She came up to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek before opening her wings to fly.
"Well I got to go. Weather job and all that. I have to get to Cloudsdale to get more stormclouds... We're still going to go out tomorrow, right?"
"Yupp!" I said happily. OH MY GOSH. Did I forget to tell you guys that me and Rainbow became more than friends? Because we became more than friends. Long story short, we started to hang out more after the royal wedding, then we started to like each other, and then she kissed me on the cheek, so I kissed her on the cheek, then we started to make out, and then after a good month of keeping it secret from our friends, we banged. After that, we didn't really need to tell our friends, because they found out from the really loud noises Rainbow and I were making. Note to self: never bang on top of a cloud over Twilight's library (I got the cloud walking spell from her).
Now Rainbow and I have been together for four months, and let's just say that we've been licking the icing off each other's cupcakes every week ;D
So after my friends and I talked, I went home, and decided to take Fluttershy's advice.
OPERATION: WAIT UNTIL EVERYPONY FORGETS!
I sat down on the brown floor of my room and waited.
I waited.
Waiting...
Waiting...
Waiting...
AHOUHASOHOHDSODOHAOIDHSA. I couldn't wait anymore! It had already been like... ten minutes!
Nevermind, I couldn't do Fluttershy's plan. I had to take this situation in my own hooves. Time for plan B!
OPERATION: BE SUPER DUPER NICE TO EVERYPONY SO THEY REALIZE I'M NOT A MURDERER AND THAT I'M SUPER DUPER NICE
I made up the code name myself!
So I went outside and I did what the operation was planned to do... I was just super duper nice! I tried to help people carry things, I tried to buy some flowers for some foals, I even tried to help an old pony across the street!
...I tried. I tried to do it. What a horrible idea I had tried to do.
If the problem was a fire like Rarity had said, I think I just threw a giant bucket of gasoline into it. Everypony ran away from me, thinking I was trying to spread terror across the town! I was like some manticore to them! When I tried to help carry their things, they dropped whatever it was and ran off! One pony even dropped a piano! When I tried to give flowers to foals, the parents carried them and ran away, thinking I poisoned them! Helping the old pony across the street was by far, the worst... I think I paralyzed her... I hope she's okay.
After everyone ran away in panic, I sat their at the middle of town. Alone. Like the loner I am. There are times in life where a pony would feel super down, and the moment where I sat there crying had got to be one of my worst moment. I felt like I had just dug a hole down to Earth, then dug so much that I hit the other side and fell out of orbit... I would probably burn halfway though. But that was how down I felt.
"Uhh... Pinkie... Why are you crying buddy?" A familiar voice said. That voice... That confident, tomboyish voice... I knew that voice from anywhere.
I looked up and wiped my tears away. "Vinyl Scratch? What are you doing in Ponyville? I thought you were going to that university in Manehattan."
"Yeah, I'm on my summer break, and I'm visiting with my new marefriend! But that doesn't matter right now. I haven't seen you this sad since you found out that candy cane trees weren't real." The white pony patted me on the back.
I chuckled a bit while thinking about that memory from Ponyville kindergarten. Vinyl and I went way back.
"Ohh... It's just that this book about me ruined my life, and now everypony hates me..."
"A book? How does a book ruin your life?"
"You haven't heard about the book called "Cupcakes"? I heard it was going international now..."
Vinyl snorted. "You know I don't read books, Pinkie."
The memories of Vinyl failing every reading class popped in my mind, and we started to laugh together.
"Wow... I needed a laugh like that. Right now, my life has been sucky."
"How sucky are we talking about here?"
"Like... Super sucky. Everypony keeps running away from me! I tried waiting, I tried being super duper nice, I've tried everything!"
"Have you tried saving the day?"
"...What?"
Vinyl started to laugh again before answering my question.
"Saving the day! You need to win back your folks by doing a super heroic act! Like saving a person from falling off a cliff. Or better yet, saving a baby from falling off a cliff! Or something like that. You get my drift?"
There were times when Vinyl Scratch was simply a genius. That was one of her times.
"OH MY GOSH! THAT'S IT! Thank you thank you thank you Scratches!" I gave her one big hug that caused her to blush lightly.
"You're welcome, heh heh. Well I got to go, I'm meeting my marefriend back at the train station. Speaking about marefriends, there's some word on the street that you're going out with Rainbow Dash. Is... it...?"
"It's as true as I am pink!" I puffed up my chest to emphasize how pink I am... I'm really pink! It's such a coincidence that my name became Pinkie Pie... I wonder if my parents planned that.
"Oh, and your marefriend... What's her name? How is she? She must be really amazing for you to fall for her..." I leaned in to hear what she had to say.
"Oh! Her name is Octavia. She's a classy mare that I met at the university... She's... amazing. And beautiful. And she has an accent!" Vinyl squealed in delight from the thought.
"Woah! Classy? An accent? Wait... Does she play the cello?"
"Yupp! How'd you know?"
"Oh! I saw her playing at last year's G.G.G. I kinda screwed up her act..."
"Oh! She always said that act was a wreck. Well I got to go. We should meet up again later! Maybe go on a double date?"
"Oooh! We SHOULD go on a double date! Like, tomorrow! I'm sure Dashie wouldn't mind."
"Okay." Vinyl started to trot down the street. "See ya!"
"Bye scratches!"
Once Vinyl left, I started to run off to where I was going to head off next. I knew what I had to do.
I don't know who's idea it was to put a neighborhood in the middle of a really steep hill with a cliff at the end, but it was the perfect place to do Vinyl's idea. It was time for plan C!
OPERATION: SAVE THE DAY
This had to be easy! I mean, I WAS a superhero and I saved like twenty people from the same cliff I was at, that old pony construction site, all those other stuff... Wow. I just noticed how all those dangerous, could've-been-killed crimes happened in one week. Oh well! I hope some other pony drops their foal carriage again!
I went to the bottom of the cliff and waited there at the edge. After five minutes, I got a Pinkie-sense that something was going to happen, and saw a white carriage riding down the hill with a crying foal. Wow, that was quick! And very coincidental that it was exactly what I was hoping for!
After hearing a pony scream, "MY BABY!", I ran up and stopped the carriage halfway. I held the baby in my arms and saw that everypony watched me save the foal. This was the part where they cheer my name, and I get thanked, and Mayor Mare comes up to congratulate me to tell me that they believe I'm not a murderer, and that they're going to give me the key to the city... If there were a key.
There were no cheering, nor was there ever a key to the city for me to get if there were a key.
"Pinkie saved the foal!... SO SHE COULD KILL HER AND TURN HER TO CUPCAKES!" Somepony screamed.
That was the ring of the bell, folks. Everypony ran around, screaming and hollering, and running into their houses and barrels to hide in. The pony who owned the foal grabbed the baby with her magic, screaming, "GIVE ME BACK MY BABY YOU MONSTER!"
That was a real punch to the flank.
Yeah, in case you were wondering, you read this little story right. I saved a foal from falling off a cliff and probably dying, and because of a book, they still call me a murderer and run away.
The things ponies believe in these days.
From that point on, my hair deflated, and I walked back home, staring at the ground. My deflated hair just caused ponies to keep even more of a distance, but I didn't care anymore. Haven't I had enough for today? This game of tag where I was "it" had gone way too far... It was more like getting smacked with a bag of poop than a game. What am I even saying? It wasn't a game at all! It was just ponies calling me horrible things and running away from me. What kind of game would that be? A poopy game, that's for sure.
I got to Sugarcube Corner, went into the bakery, got to my room, and had a much needed sleep while hugging Gummy... At least I had Gummy.
Oh wait... Gummy is... Yeah. Gummy walked away. I went to sleep.
The next day was a bright, sunny, regular day for Ponyville. Well, not for me, but still. After looking at the clock and seeing it was 8:00, I turned around and went back to sleep. Why would I want to start what was going to be a horrible day early?
After a couple hours of more sleep, I got up by twelve in the afternoon, and decided it was finally time to get up. I did my regular routine of taking a bath, brushing my teeth, and then walking downstairs to go outside.
This was going to be horrible, I know it.
I got outside, and to my surprise, no one ran away from me! They all went on with their day! I started to walk slowly, looking at everyone with detail, still confused of what was happening.
Did I die or something?
"Good morning Pinkie!" Bon Bon said, smiling at me. "Do you want some candy? I made a little too much last night."
"Uhh..." I muttered. That was all I could say. Other than my main friends and the Cakes, I haven't talked with any other ponies for a whole week.
"Umm... I'll take that as a yes?" She grabbed my hoof, and put some candy at the top.
"Bye Pinkie Pie!"
What just happened? I had to consult with somepony about this, and I knew just who.
I ran to the Golden Oaks library as fast I can, overhearing some greetings from other ponies who had ran away from me just the day before. Some ponies were even saying "You're great Pinkie! I have your books!"
What the buck!? Did everypony start liking gore fics all the sudden?!
I ran to the front of the tree library to find it packed with ponies. I walked in slowly, and the whole room went silent when all the ponies saw me coming in. Then, they all cheered. Now that was confusing.
Everypony started to greet me with "You're the best Pinkie!" and "Great job, Pinkie Pie!" as I walked to Twilight and Rainbow Dash at the far end of the room.
"What happened!?" I said to them, confused as ever.
"Isn't it great?" Twilight asked, giddy as ever. "So I gave your problem a thought yesterday, thinking about how everyone listened to a bad story about you. Then that's when the idea hit me! How about we made a story about you being good? So after a few hours of writing, publishing, and Rainbow Dash's drawings, we finally made this!"
The purple pony magically handed me a bright pink book. On the cover was a coloring of me and a title that said, "Pinkie Pie Helps The Town", and to the bottom right of the drawing, it said, "Written by Twilight Sparkle, and drawing made by Rainbow D. Dash."
I gasped in amazement and hugged them all tightly, then went up to Rainbow and told her, "I didn't know you could draw!"
"Ehh, I'm not the best drawer... I tried." She said, pawing the floor. She was so adorable.
"Their amazing! I love it! THANKS YOU GUYS!" I hugged the both of them, and then gave Rainbow Dash a big smooch. A few hours later, we had a double date with Vinyl and her marefriend Octavia, and then we went home and banged.
And that's how my problem was solved, and everypony were my friends again! I learned that books hold great power, and that's why I wrote this, so everypony would know my story. I think I'll let Twilight find the errors in this story, because I'm pretty sure I made A LOT of errors. I also think I'm going to write a story called, "Give The Pony Named 'Pinkie Pie' All Your Food" now. Maybe ponies will listen to that story. Well, I hope you enjoyed this story! PINKIE PIE, OUT!
