So, waking up to a purple mini-horse with a horn was quite the unique experience. Maybe this is a very elaborate senior prank; it is supposed to be the last week of the school year after all. Considering how real it looked, I could safely assume somebody slipped some shit into my Pepsi before I went to sleep last night… Nah, I don’t have friends that would be willing to invite me to parties, where I can get drugged, and then apparently abducted by a purple horse that can apparently speak english.

I could tell we were in a basement by how dark it was; it was only lit up with candles.

Well, assuming that the muttering was actual speech, and just not it being a stupid animal. Given that it was currently speaking to a purple dinosaur. Said purple dinosaur, who was writing something down, now in a much louder voice, I could safely use hindsight to know that this horse was, in fact, speaking english.

“The subject has been successfully summoned, and appears to be an ape of some sort, tall, wearing clothing of some sort, and mostly lacks hair from what I can see.” While it was talking, I slowly drew a hand out from the rope that was bounding me to the table I was apparently tied to, but kept it at my side. The barney looking-fucker seemed looked up and noticed one of my limbs were untied. He opened his mouth to speak, but sighed as the purple unicorn ignored him and continued to have him write down observations for her.

Yes, her, its voice sounded feminine.

Also, she kept mentioning somebody named ‘Princess Celestia’ so I assume that’s her boss or something.

Eventually the unicorn walked up to me, still making observations while in her words: ‘Getting a close up view’. While she was speaking, I noticed that her nose looked very pokeable, so I guess that would be a good starting point to let her know that I was sentient, capable of thinking, and wasn’t some sort of animal. So once the unicorn was in arm's reach, I took my free arm and poked her on the nose mid speech. Also, the nose was boopable looking. You don’t not boop the snoot.

“Guh- what?” The unicorn glared at my free appendage, before her horn lit up and enveloped my arm, before it was promptly slammed onto the table and tied down again.

“Hey now, that arm’s in the top four of my favorite limbs. Be gentle with it!”

“You can speak?”

“Sorry, I don’t speak English. Do you speak-a-the-American?” I asked while hopefully going cross-eyed. “Of course I can fucking talk. I’m a human, name’s Bob,” I just had to come up with the most stupid, bullshit, fake name I could’ve, couldn’t I? “I would like to not be tied down to a table, mostly because I would like to feel blood circulating around my body, so please untie me. While I cannot promise to not boop you on the nose again, I can promise that I won’t punch you, kick you, stab you, scratch you too hard, eat you, cook you alive and then eat you, or commit any other sort of very illegal, inhumane thing to you.”

“And how do I know you won’t try anything? Even with that promise?”

“I coulda throttled your neck when my arm was free. Instead I booped your nose because you had it in my face; you were practically begging for it.”

“What do you think, Spike?’ The dinosaur shrugged.

“Well Twilight, he does make a good point. He could’ve hurt you- he just got his other arm free.”

“Wait, what- oh, that feels nice,” who I assume was Twilight sighed in contentment as I ran my right hand through her mane. Hell, I even scratched her for a second and one of her hindlegs did the kicky thing that dogs do when you scratch them. It was kinda cute. Eventually I did stop and Twilight seemed to be disappointed by that. “Okay, I think you’ve made your argument quite well; I’ll untie you.” As such, I was untied, and I fell to my knees before standing at my full height.

I was about three times as tall as Spike, and stood at two heads taller than Twilight. Given that I’m about 5’8, that would put Twilight at around five feet, or somewhere in the ballpark of a meter and a half, I think. “So…” I looked around. “Why the heck am I in some sorta basement with a horse? I knew jerry wanted to prank me after I got him with a potato sack, but I don’t think you can teach a horse-”

“Pony.”

“Pony to talk, make it grow a magical horn, and then resurrect a dinosaur-”

“Dragon.”

“Summon a dragon overnight. So, do you mind telling me what the heck is going on?”

“I… might have summoned you using a very experimental spell. A summoning spell if you would, but I think I messed up somewhere,” okay cool, spells just casually exist. “The spell was only meant to summon a creature from this world, but I think I summoned you from another world. I haven’t seen anything, or heard of something like a human… Spike, mind sending my notes to Princess Celestia?” Twilight asked. “And also write a note asking what to do with the human?”

“How do you spell Human?” Spike asked mid note writing.

Twilight rolled her eyes, took the paper from Spike, and began writing the note. I made sure to peek over her shoulder while she wrote it. She spelled humans as ‘hoomins’ which was kinda adorable too. After the letter was handed off, and burnt for some reason, I grabbed Twilight’s neck and she squealed, probably expecting death, getting ready to buck at me. Instead I just started scratching, and all of a sudden the would-be-buck became the leg kicking thing again. And a pony on the floor.

I yelped when Spike burped up fire, because dragons I guess, and a letter just kinda dropped on the ground. Almost immediately the dragon picked it up and started reading it. Twilight got out of her stupor almost immediately after Spike started reading.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle, first, you should’ve told me before you tried to modify an existing spell; it’s quite dangerous. I would like to meet this human at some point, but I simply do not have the time for it. I will meet him during Nightmare Night when Luna wishes to come to Ponyville. Make sure he isn’t willing to hurt anypony be certain that he is passive before you introduce them to Ponyville. And do tell your friends; I would like you six on standby should this ‘Bob’ be a threat. Your teacher and friend, Princess Celestia.”

“Ah, I like being treated as some dangerous thing. I can barely even wrap my hands around that neck of yours,” I only then noticed that Twilight was slightly upset about whatever this “Princess Celestia’ was talking about. “Let alone strangle, or kill somebody without weapons,” I pulled out a pocket knife… “Huh. didn’t remember sleeping with this in my pocket,” I flipped it open. “Man that would hurt if it flipped out and- hey!” Twilight took the knife up in her magic, messing with the mechanisms.

“I’ve never seen something like this before!” Twilight then used it to cut a thin piece of she had lying around. “Is this a knife?”

“Yeah. As I was saying, if that went off near my junk I would probably be in a lot of pain. Thank god it didn’t!” My stomach decided now was a good time to mention that it wanted food. “Say, can I get breakfast? As long as it’s not grass or flowers, I can probably eat it.” Twilight nodded before leading me upstairs, Spike at our tail. Soon, I was sitting at a table, answering any questions Twilight asked while Spike cooked up breakfast for us. The questions went pretty intrusive, such as sex, to basic things like diet. Twilight was semi-shocked to learn that I ate meat, but didn’t seem to mind much.

Apparently ponies sometimes ate fish to get some protein. Given that horses back home ate birds, that isn’t fully surprising. Also yes, Twilight asked about those when I accidentally mentioned them in passing.

Eventually, I was just handed some toast and some eggs, which I was perfectly fine with. “So, if you dragged me from ‘another dimension’, does that… Fuck.” Twilight and Spike flinched at that word. “Well, so much for going to college,” my shoulders sagged a little. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “So, when am I going to be allowed to meet the locals? I don’t particularly like to be locked up inside forever.”

Twilight shrugged. “First I’ll need to get you to meet my friends; we’ll be watching over you, afterall. Spike, keep an eye on Bob for me while I get everypony.” Before Spike could even open his mouth, Twilight scarfed down the rest of her food and ran somewhere, presumably downstairs. Spike shrugged, took our plates and went back to the kitchen to clean them.

An hour later, I found out that Twilight lives in a library and I started to make use of that by borrowing a book or two to read for myself. A few books stood out, like Daring Do, which was a less awesome version of Indiana Jones, and that was really it. In comparison to Star Wars, none of the books I read really stuck. That being said, Daring Do was still fun to read past the first chapter even if I managed to work my way through seven chapters in that hour. I was just about to finish another chapter when the door opened.

“Okay girls… again, promise me that none of you will freak out?” Twilight asked who I could easily guess were her friends.

“Pfft, what could possibly make me freak out?” Somebody asked before a cyan horse stuck her head in the door. She had a rainbow colored mare and tail, which had to not be natural, and a pair of wings as I soon found out. Because the moment she saw me, she tackled me and started screaming about a monster. “C’mon everypony! Help me tie it up!”

“G-god,” I wheezed. “If I wanted to get my ass beat, all I’d have to do is find a cute girl who’s into BDSM.” I coughed as I managed to shove the LSD horse off of me and I sat up.

“You can talk?”

“Yes, Skittles, I can speak. I’m a human person, scientifically called ‘homosapien’, and fully capable of thoughts and whatevers. Anyways, nice to meet ya. Hey Twilight, do you happen to have any rope on you?” I asked. Honestly, I wasn’t planning on making a noose, but I wanted that as an out; I’ll probably check out what ponyland has in store for me. If nothing is of interest, then I won’t need to be alive to keep the world spinning.

“I do. I don’t know why you’d need rope… hold still for me,” Twilight’s horn lit and I suddenly didn’t feel so bruised. Four other ponies walked in. “I’m sure you’ve met Rainbow Dash-”

“Yup, Skittles was extra cuddly and friendly.” That got a glare out of Skittles.

“But these are my friends. That’s Fluttershy,” she pointed at the other pegasus that wasn’t Rainbow, a timid looking-thing, cream colored coat and pink mane. Honestly, she looked fucking adorable, and if it weren’t for the fact that she was probably as smart as any human I’ve met, I woulda walked up to her and start patting her on the head. Eventually she went down the list of the rest of her friends: Pinkie Pie, Apple Jack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash and Rarity. Blah, blah, blah, joining their herd of friends or whatever.

“So about that rope,” I turned to Twilight after having introduced her friends to me.

“Why would you need a rope for a party?” Pinkie Pie asked. “I mean, sure, we could use some to hold the pinata, but- ooh! I can’t wait to hold the first ‘Welcome to Equestria, Ponyville, first Human and-”

That party name was too long to be remembered, and I didn’t want to.

“Because if all things don’t look super bright, I’ll be hosting a farewell party in an isolated part of some random forest. Let’s just say, it’ll be fun to be hanging out with some people-or ponies- during that party.” I shrugged. “I don’t really see much of a reason for me to be in Equestria beyond the fact that your friend, Twinkle Butt, brought me here and has told me that I am stuck here. So if nothing’s cooking, I’m probably just gonna use the rope to… uh hang from my neck. Then God can look at me and instantly send me to hell for being a sack of shit.”

Everyone in the room gasped.

“Now hold der, partner! We ain’t gonna let you kill yourself.” Apple Jack walked up to me and put her hoof in my chest. “Ah barely even know ya, so I can’t say I know you like my farm, but Ah can tell ya that you shouldn’t throw your life away like that.”

“Cool. My life already got shat on by whatever divine being’s watching me, because I had to be the poor fucker that got dragged into a land of ponies,” I closed the Daring Do book and put it on the shelf where I found it. “I coulda been a scientist, coulda made technological advancements for my people, and before I even got to have a shot at that, I wake up on a table being looked at like I’m some sorta stupid monkey to be experimented with. Honestly, if I don’t kill myself in a month then that’ll be a miracle in itself…” I took a deep breath. “I’ll give living here a shot though.”

“It’s all Ah can ask from you. Ah’m sure between the six of us, and all of Ponyville, that you’ll at least find some friends so you won’t be lonely.”

“That’ll be nice at least… Oi, Twilight, your basement was some sorta lab in there, right?”

“Yeah. Why do you ask?”

“Well, I noticed that you only lit it up with candles, so hold on.” I went down into the basement where everyone else in the room decided to follow me. After rummaging around, I found a bunch of chemicals and other things I could probably make electricity out of. “Y’all don’t gotta watch me work; it’s probably pretty boring and nerdy. I’m gonna make electricity.”

“Elect-wha?” Rainbow asked.

“You know lightning?” I asked. Everyone in the room nodded. “I’m gonna harness what is essentially weak lightning to make light.” Twilight immediately perked up at that.

“Sounds like a bunch of egghead stuff.”

“And useful. Humans have managed to reach the fuckin’ moon by being eggheads.”

“How?”

“That’s a story for another time,” I said as I worked together a little contraption. I took a flask, a nice round one, flipped it upside down and stuck it on the contraption. “Actually, has anybody got some sorta lube?” Immediately a bottle of lotion spawned in front of me after a flash of purple. I shrugged and coated the wire before taking the flask from the contraption and sticking the lubed wire into it again.

“Aight give me an hour to figure out the type of energy to get this to work. Y’all can go hangout or whatever. Leave the man to his work.” Everybody but Twilight left the basement. She just sat there like a kid in the candy store while I continued working. Eventually I had some sort of basic windmill and a tub, which then led into a very basic circuit with a rudimentary switch in it. I swished the water a bit after flipping the switch. The grin on my face was immeasurable and my day was made when I had a working light bulb.

“And if you stick this bit in a river with a strong current, you can basically keep this light running as long as this,” I pointed at the switch. “Is flipped,” I said, giving Twilight a very basic rundown of how my contraption worked. Granted, it was fucking huge for something that was just meant to light a single light bulb. “Water pushing the mill leads to heat, heat leads to light, energy, physics, blah, blah, blah. Let there be light!”

“I can’t wait to tell Princess Celestia about this! Oh! This will revolutionize how ponies light up the room!” I only then noticed that she had a big journal that was halfway full. I quickly swiped it and… Those were notes for every little bit of my machine, from how it worked, to the components used, to how to simplify and make it smaller. All the ways to make it ‘simpler’ seemed accurate too. “And it lights things up way more than a simple candle! Even more so than enchanted candles!” What. Twilight ran up stairs and came back with her friends and Spike.

All of them were awed by my light. Well, all except for one.

“Great! Now Twilight has another egghead! This town’s too small for more than one of those!” Rainbow sighed. “Though that is pretty cool.”

“What if I told you, that you can make this thing change colors with differently tinted glass, and can be used in parties, or to just look cool?” To make my point, I grabbed a red, yellow, and blue flask that I had Twilight combined with magic, so that it looked like a bit of a grid pattern. I turned the device off, swapped the flasks out, and turned it back on. With that, I started making the flask itself spin using another bit I added into the machine a little earlier.

I made a disco ball. Woohoo! Well, that’s what everyone else thought.

“Now that,” Rainbow grinned. “Is twenty percent cooler… I suppose some egghead stuff is really cool.”

“Where the fuck did the machine go?” I asked. Pinkie was noticeably missing too.

So about a week has passed since then. Since I’ve nowhere to sleep, or money to use, I was forced to sleep in Twilight’s home. I was offered a place in Apple Jack’s farm, but I would have to do farm work. Hard labor is something I was not built for; I could be intelligent sometimes, but I can’t lift more than forty pounds at a time. On occasion, when Twilight wasn’t out hanging out with her friends, she was in the lab with me while I made very basic versions of machines that humanity had come up with.

A letter or two from Celestia came to me as well, expressing her desires to meet me after having seen my ‘inventions’. So after I got done describing a thermos, a fridge, even a basic toaster oven to Twilight and even building said toaster oven for Twilight, I spent most of my time compacting light bulbs with glass in the shape I described as being ‘provided by the crown’. On the brightside, it was heavily possible for me to get paid once I got a design that could be easily integrated into pony homes.

So far, I managed to make a working lamp that I was busy testing.

“Hey Bob!” I looked up from my desk, which was held in the actual library part of the treehouse. I wasn’t doing much, just writing in my little journal that catalogs how close I am to killing myself. Despite living with two other sentient beings, I didn’t spend much time with them. Twilight and Spike had other friends to hangout with, and I didn’t want to leave the tree. “We think it’s time that we finally introduce you to the ponies of Ponyville. Wanna come?”

“Sure, I’ll cum in something… I don’t think there’s a human female to do that.”

Twilight groaned. “Bob, please stop with those sorts of jokes.”

“Aight, bet.”

“‘Aight’ is not even a word!”

“Okay Google,” I couldn’t help but smirk at Twilight’s confusion at that. “But I suppose it’s now or never that I leave my mom’s basement.” I closed my notebook and hid it under the desk before hopping up to my feet. “So are we just gonna be walking around town?”

“Yeah. we’re taking you on a tour of Ponyville!”

“Lemme guess, that ‘we’ is you and your friends. And you’re gonna try and get me to be friends with some residents in town so I don’t hang myself in a month.”

“Uh… how did you know that?”

“Just a hunch. Let’s get going.” I walked past Twilight and to the door. It wasn’t much of a surprise to see that the rest of Twilight’s friends, minus Pinkie, were present and ready to meet me. I haven’t really spoken to any of them during my time as Twilight’s tenant; I just told them where Twilight was when they came in looking for her. So I wasn’t exactly close with them. I didn’t want to get close to them for a reason.

When I give up on life, it’ll be less painful for them if I remain distant.

Everyone around us was just giving side eyes, and mostly expressions that ranged from distrustful to downright hateful. If it weren’t for the fact that Twilight and her friends were somewhat respected amongst the town, I’d say it’s safe to assume that I’d have some big stallion plowing into me before getting promptly trampled to death by said stallion. I mean, that would suck, but I wouldn’t be opposed to death. I was somewhat grateful for my ‘friends’ being present though; being alive is kinda cool sometimes.

“So, why are you always wearing clothes?” Rarity asked. “Not to offend, but usually ponies only wear clothing for special occasions, or happen to be a Princess.”

“Well, I don’t exactly have a lot of hair or fur covering me, so I have to make do with clothes. Also, would you like to see my… masculinity bouncing about?” Everyone in the group’s cheeks turned slightly red at that. Twilight decided to take the lead, bringing us to various landmarks, most of which happened to be where most of her friends reside. The local bakery was Pinkie’s home and workplace; Rarity owned a clothing store; Apple jack lived on the only apple orchard in town, and Rainbow lived in a cloud. So only Fluttershy and Rainbow didn’t really live in any sorta landmark.

Eventually we circled around and found some kid crying. On the ground were the remnants of a wooden toy, which seemed to be a train of some sort, and it was pretty easy to tell what happened. So I broke off from Twilight lecturing about how peaceful Ponyville was and walked over to the poor kid. The colt(I think that’s the name ponies refer to male children) looked up at me in fear and got up to run, until I put my hand on his back. “Hold it kiddo, I’m here to help,” the colt stopped and looked at me.

I picked up the wooden train and nodded at the fact that it was repairable; the wheels simply fell off. So I picked the wheels up and stuck em back on the train. I experimentally pushed it back and forth before nodded. “Good as new. If putting it back together was so easy, why were you crying over it?”

“A big kid, a unicorn, came by and took my train apart,” the colt pointed to his head, the lack of a horn was apparent. “And it’s really hard to put a train back together with your teeth,” the colt then pounced, and the next thing I knew, I had a colt laying in my lap and nuzzling into my chest. “But you put it back together! Thank you, mister monkey man!” I simply couldn’t help but grin at the kid’s description of me. “My name’s Golden Arrow, what’s yours?”

“Name’s Bob,” I started idly rubbing the kid’s back until somebody tapped me on the shoulder.

“Can you let go of my foal?” a mare asked.

“You see,” I pointed to Golden, who was now asleep. “I would, but I don’t wanna wake your child up. He’s fuckin’ adorable,” I continued to rub the kid’s back while he snoozed.

“D’aw…” Apple Jack walked up to me and gently elbowed me. “Ah think you’ve just made a new friend! how’d ya do it?”

“All I did was fix his train. Poor kid seemed distraught about it; some bully took it apart and I guess earth ponies aren’t the best at crafting stuff.”

Mrs. Golden’s glare turned into a soft little smile. “Well, I suppose you can’t be too bad if you were looking out for my little Arrow. My name’s Venice, nice to meet you… what are you?”

“According to your kid, a Mister Monkey Man,” I chuckled. “You got a good kid here, Mrs. Arrow. Take care of him,” I looked down. “Whenever he wakes up that is.”

“I suppose I can leave him with you for the time being. Just don’t eat him.”

“Nah, ponies don’t taste good. Now give me a fistful of dirt! That’s a delicacy!” Both Apple Jack and Venice snorted.

I sat there for three hours.

Author's Note

i should probably say this:

I’m not an intentor, i’m a loser that writes shitty stories. so if i go the route of ‘industrial revolution’, don’t murder me. but feel free to tell me i’’m stupid.