Finding Your Family

Spike had a bit more warning that his bachelor party would be today than Scootaloo did. Rather than popping in and dragging him out of his house, he was unceremoniously roped into carrying in tables for his own party. That is to say, Twilight had ordered some lab equipment to arrive on the same day, and Spike was sent to carry that in, but it was the wrong delivery. Still, he knew how to pretend to be shocked when the party began.

Pinkie had considered, being that she would be out of town at Scootaloo's party, having Cheese Sandwich come handle Spike's event, but Thorax had insisted that, as the best bug, he would make sure everything would go perfectly. What was the point of having a best bug if he wasn't going to do anything important? So, for his sake, and for the fact that the party was already planned out, she agreed.

After setting up, including hanging a banner that said "Congratulations, Spike!" he returned to Twilight's side. Thorax had yet to arrive, so they couldn't start without their overseer. Twilight still had some other duties to perform, and Spike was still her number one assistant. The lab equipment did arrive soon, and Spike was once again sent to help carry it to where it needed to go and set it up so that it was ready to use.

Two hours went by before Thorax showed up, but it still wasn't time for the party. Thorax wasn't doing a good job of hiding his smile or excitement, which was odd. Spike would have thought that a changeling would have a better poker face, but he couldn't stop smiling. Plus, he'd brought Pharynx and a few other changelings along, and one of them right out of the carriage asked Spike to direct them to the kitchens so that the ice cream cake didn't melt.

After a very light dinner that Twilight insisted on, again, not being very subtle, they had a guard come in and say there was something going on in the ballroom, and that Spike should come immediately. What was already very obvious was made even more telling when everyone stood up and followed Spike down to the ball room.

"Surprise!" shouted a few dozen ponies as Spike pushed open the doors.

Spike immediately rocked back onto his tail, gasping as he brought his claws up to his cheeks. "Oh, my goodness! I had no idea!"

Twilight hung her head for a few seconds. She had known Spike long enough to know that he was lying, but on some level, she appreciated that he was trying to spare their feelings. Thorax and Pharynx could feel it, too, as they tried to share in his shock, but found it to be lacking. Still, there was joy to be had.

Spike walked into the center of the room. He figured the first thing he should do was greet his guests. He knew all of them, sure, and had good relations with them, but they weren't exactly his best friends. The Cakes, for example, he liked a lot. He'd spent a fair bit of time talking to them, and had even helped file the paperwork when they needed to expand Sugarcube Corner. They were great ponies and he held them both in high regard. But he wasn't going out of his way to visit them on an average day.

"Hey, Spike," greeted Waddles. "Happy birthday."

"I knew you could graduate from college," congratulated Berry Punch.

"Your first marathon complete," smiled Raspberry Delight. "I always believed in you."

Perhaps a third of these ponies had forgotten why they were here. Then again, Waddles was ninety-six years old, Berry Punch had likely been drinking earlier in the evening, and Raspberry Delight was forgetful at the best of times. And Discord probably gave the wrong reason on purpose.

"Well done, Spike! I thought that tapeworm would be there for the next decade or so, but you certainly proved me wrong!"

"Congrats on your marriage, Spike," said Fluttershy, pushing Discord out of the way. "He knows why we're here, he just wants to make a scene. He's been going around telling everypony about different things that this party could be about. He told Big Macintosh that this was to celebrate your first successful colonoscopy."

"Eeyup," confirmed Big Mac.

"Well, pardon me for thinking Spike would want to be congratulated not just for this, but for all of the many things he's done, and the marvelous things he will do in the future," huffed Discord, turning up his nose and folding his arms.

"I've never had a tapeworm," scowled Spike.

"Did you want one?" asked Discord, holding up a tape dispenser. "It's often a trick reserved for children's birthday parties, but I'll make an exception for you, just this once."

"I'm fine," declined Spike.

"Suit yourself," shrugged Discord. "Or better yet, I should suit you!"

Discord pulled out a black paintbrush and splattered a black goo all over Spike's chest.

"Oop! Excuse me. Let me clean that up for you." Wiping it down with a lint roller, the goo morphed itself into a black and white tuxedo. "There."

Spike looked himself up and down. It was actually a fairly nice suit.

Fluttershy cleared her throat as she glared at Discord.

"What?"

Fluttershy grabbed a piece of paper that was taped to the back of Spike's suit, and pulled it forward.

"Ask me about my cats," read Spike.

"What?" asked Discord again. "It encourages other ponies to talk to him."

"I don't own any cats," sighed Spike.

"You don't have a tapeworm, either," smiled Discord, offering his tape dispenser once more. From it sprouted a bunch of tape, coiled up tightly to resemble an earthworm. "Sounds like you're zero for two."

"Discord, be nice," urged Fluttershy.

"Oh, fine..."

Spike greeted everyone else in turn, and Fluttershy made Discord apologize to Spike and to the ponies he'd misled every time somepony congratulated Spike for something that wasn't being celebrated, from a successful sex change to buying a boat to conquering Yakyakistan with a single breath that lasted four days, to having the biggest testicles in the whole of the dragon lands. That last one, Spike would have left as a rumour, but Discord corrected the statement anyway, detailing their size and shape with a very odd and precise level of accuracy and detail; something Mrs. Cake could have gone her entire evening without knowing.

With all of the greetings and apologies out of the way, Discord spun around, and was dressed in a bright orange and purple zoot suit, with a hat to match. "Now, then, what are we waiting for? Let's play some games, already!"

"Eeyup."