I lay on a straw roof, watching my shadow buddy get pummeled by a small group of pony guards, their steel hooves crushing through the chaos of Timberlake. The town was burning, shadows rampaging, and only a handful of guards were left to hold the line. I couldn’t help but feel a bit insulted by their half-assed attempt. I mean, really? This is the best they’ve got?

Whatever, time to help out my pal before he’s cornered.

I leaped off the roof, wings spreading to silence my landing. A quick flick of my finger conjured a glowing white ball of magic aimed at the biggest pony in heavy armor. But before I could unleash it, a sword made of blue magic skewered the ball, causing an explosion that knocked the breath out of me.

When the smoke cleared, a blue unicorn with glasses stared me down like he’d just found the last piece of a puzzle. I raised my hand to retaliate, but, surprise—my hand was gone. More like blown to pieces, held together by some messy flesh. The shadows wrapped around my arm, fixing it up like I was putting together a jigsaw puzzle made of bones.

“Well, that’s new,” I muttered, eyeing the unicorn. His dozen swords were all aimed at me, the picture of confidence.

“And what are you supposed to be?” he demanded.

“Just a guy, you know, enjoying the sights. What about you? Guard? Adventurer?” I shot back, raising my arms slowly.

“I’m the one asking questions, monster. Did you start all this?”

“Well, yeah,” I shrugged. “But you won’t get to see the end of it. Let’s wrap this up, shall we?”

I flicked my horns and sent the unicorn flying through a window with a snap. Before I could even enjoy the moment, a purple Bat pony sucker-punched me in the face, sending me crashing into a stone fountain and through a door a few dozen meters away.

Groaning, I unhinged my jaw back into place. Damn, they hit hard.

“Whoa, that’s one point for the good guys!” Nightglider cheered.

“Is Shadowstrike okay?” Starrise asked.

“Yeah, he’s wai—oh, uh...” Nightglider trailed off before dashing toward Shadowstrike.

I got up, brushing off the dust. Those ponies were tougher than they looked. I saw the Bat pony dive into the building I’d tossed the unicorn into. With a snap of my fingers, I collapsed the house, shifting my attention to the last two guards.

“Okay, I’m giving you one chance to surrender—”

A ball of fire interrupted my threat. I snatched it out of the air like a baseball. Big mistake. The flames engulfed my arm, spreading across my body. I screamed, dropping to the ground and rolling around.

“OH WHAT THE HELL!”

“Humph, that’ll teach you not to mess with Equestria guards, Demon,” Starrise said, preparing another fireball.

“St—” An old voice interrupted before a metal hammer slammed into Starrise’s head, freezing her solid. She crumpled to the ground with a thud.

The fire finally went out, and I caught my breath, looking around.

“What the hell just happened?” I groaned, glancing at the armored pony, now leaking tar from his visor like some sort of undead. Behind him, my buddy was regrouping with the remaining shadows.

“Hey! What happened with this one?” I yelled to him, but he didn’t answer. Instead, he morphed into a shadow snake and slithered toward me.

“Right, whatever. Let’s get out of here before more of these assholes show up,” I sighed.

We dashed toward the north side of the village, vanishing into the forest under the cover of night, ready to leave this mess behind.

In a dim warehouse on the outskirts of Canterlot, four ponies in golden armor and red cloaks stood around a wooden crate, their nerves almost as heavy as their armor. They waited, twitching in the eerie silence, for their new leader—who, as far as they knew, might just be the one to lead them to glorious battle... or, you know, some awkward motivational speech.

The crate in the center of the group held something mysterious. A weapon, they assumed, though it could’ve been a really elaborate sandwich for all they knew.

In the dim warehouse on the outskirts of Canterlot, four armored ponies stood, awkwardly shifting from hoof to hoof. The air was thick with tension.

One younger guard, sweat beading on his forehead, nervously blurted, “Is it true that Goldiethine is leading us? Like the Goldiethine?” His voice cracked, and his eyes darted around, searching for any sign of reassurance.

An older guard, who looked like he’d seen some things (and probably regretted them), took a shaky breath. “Yeah, kid... we’re under his command now.”

The other two guards nodded silently, their expressions stoic—probably because they’d learned years ago that thinking about their choices only led to regret.

The younger soldier frowned, processing the news. “So, a trophy hunter is leading us on a D.M.U. hunt? And we’re babysitting one of the Lord’s experiments? This is my promotion?”

“Kid, you do your job well, you get the good assignments. Like hunting down mutants. It's how it works. But here’s the thing: Goldiethine might be a little... eccentric, but he's still one of the boss's boys. Do your job like a mindless golem, and everything will be fine,” the older soldier advised, offering a reassuring nod—or was that a nervous tic?

The young guard wiped his brow and straightened up, though he still looked like he might pass out from the stress.

Then, he walked in. Goldiethine. His smile was the kind you get when you’ve had too much Botox, and his eyes screamed I’ll kill you last. He trotted up to the group, his hooves clicking against the floor like he was trying to sound more important than he actually was.

“Alright, team, listen up,” he said, his grin still stretched uncomfortably wide. “First things first. No one touches the weapon until I’ve had my fun with the D.M.U., okay? Anyone who even thinks about activating it early, I’ll personally tear off your balls and send them to your families.”

The guards blinked.

“Second, if anyone who isn’t a D.M.U. steps in, you stop them. No questions, no hesitations. Oh, and I’ll be teleporting us to Timberlake. Try to keep up.”

Before anyone could respond, a blinding flash of light engulfed them.

Moments later, they were in Timberlake. The town was a mess—fires raged, buildings smoldered, and the faint scent of charred everything filled the air. Goldiethine inhaled deeply, a grin tugging at his face as he savored the smell. “Ah, the scent of battle... and failure. Reminds me of home.” He started walking, clearly pleased with the chaos around him.

Ponies scattered, some relieved to see them, others wisely fleeing.

Meanwhile, in the middle of the destruction, a mare with light pink fur and a dark pink mane was screaming at her husband, who looked like he’d been through way too many life-or-death situations already. "How could you say such a thing about our son!?" the mare screamed, her face turning a shade of crimson that could rival the sun as she covered her son’s ears as if it’d somehow stop the carnage.

"Are you saying you don't love us, Dad?" the colt piped up, his mother’s hooves muffling his rage. His big, wet eyes were impossible to ignore, giving the father an existential crisis.

"I do love you… just not as much as I love myself, y’know?" the dad said with an exaggerated smirk, giving a nod like he was delivering a TED talk.

"WHAT!?" the mother gasped, momentarily thrown off balance by his sheer audacity.

"What the hell did you just say, Daddy!?" the colt yelled, leaping up and grabbing his father by the collar, yanking him down like a ragdoll. His dad’s face shifted from fear to deep thought.

"Used to call your mother 'Daddy'," the father muttered dreamily, staring off into the distance as if recounting fond memories.

Before the absurdity could escalate further, a pony in a disheveled uniform approached, clearly stressed.

"Uh, hi! You here for the dark mage or the guards?" she asked, voice tight.

Goldiethine glanced between the scene and the mare, clearly uninterested. "We’re here to deal with the dark mage. Is he still around?"

The mare blinked, then shook her head. "Well, kinda. He's in jail, but his demon’s still on the loose."

Goldiethine's eyebrow twitched. "A demon, huh?"

"Yeah. If you want more details, talk to the guards. They’re down the street, near the square," the mare added, already turning to flee. "I’ve got paperwork, so... have fun."

Goldiethine gave a lazy grin, watching her retreat. "Before you run off, shouldn’t we exchange names?" he asked smoothly.

She froze, realizing her manners had completely abandoned her. "Oh! Right. I’m Mayor Mist," she stammered, offering a hoof.

Goldiethine shook it dramatically. "Goldiethine, but you can call me ‘Sir’," he said with an exaggerated bow.

At the mention of his name, Mayor Mist’s eyes went wide and her body froze like she’d seen a ghost. "You're Goldiethine? The Butcher?" she squeaked, visibly trembling.

Goldiethine smirked, his smile too wide for comfort. "Oh, just a nickname... though it’s not inaccurate," he chuckled darkly, sending her into full flight mode.

As she hurried off, Goldiethine sighed with exaggerated disappointment. "Ah, the ladies love me," he mused, giving the fleeing mare a wistful gaze.

The guards exchanged nervous glances but wisely stayed silent.

As they ventured deeper into the town, Goldiethine noticed the fire’s light flickering under strange, creeping shadows. His attention was pulled to a bandaged stallion nearby, surrounded by a group of night guards—one of them a Batpony. Goldiethine recoiled slightly. "Ugh, don't even get me started on those freaks," he muttered, shaking off the memories of Crystal Wars.

Clearing his throat, he approached the guards, hoping to get some answers. "Ahem. We’re here to deal with the demon. Where is it?"

The largest guard barely looked up. "You’re soldiers, right? We dealt with the mage, but the demon's still out there. Head north, mountains, that way," he grunted, clearly more concerned with his concussion than talking.

Goldiethine raised an eyebrow. "Is that so?" he asked, eyeing the half-conscious stallion, whose glazed eyes betrayed a serious brain injury. "Well, I'll take your word for it."

The guard gave him a half-hearted wave of his hoof. "Yeah... sure, whatever. Just get us some aspirin or something."

Goldiethine didn’t linger, his mind already on the next hunt. "North it is," he muttered, turning toward the mountains with a new sense of purpose.

And so, with dramatic flair, he set off, leaving a trail of awkward confusion behind him.

The moonlight was swallowed by the trees as Robert trudged through the woods, his shadowy companion slithering behind. They weren't alone—up ahead, a raccoon failed to notice their approach. When it spotted Robert's demonic form, the little creature froze, its fur standing on end. The raccoon fainted and tumbled off its branch. Robert paid it no mind as he walked by, his shadow following, momentarily turning the animal into a shadowy mockery with glowing white eyes.

"Yeah, that was totally unnecessary," Robert muttered, trying to ignore the mess his buddy had just made.

They were tailing magical copies of the diamond dogs, moving toward a destination unknown. Robert had an inkling: caves or mineshafts. Places he had zero interest in. But his buddy was persistent with the illusion spell, so Robert shrugged and followed along anyway.

"So, what's the game plan, little buddy?" Robert asked, grinning mischievously. "Guns blazing, or sneak in like a teenager on a shopping spree with their parents' credit card?"

The shadow wriggled, its glowing eyes shifting between rage and something else—it was hard to tell. "Ah, so we’re going with guns blazing, huh?" Robert said, nodding. "Two votes for kicking ass, then. But why should I care? I just mauled some ponies earlier—"

Before he could finish, a massive wolf lunged from the bushes, aiming to bite his head off. To the wolf's credit, it managed to latch on, but its teeth barely scratched the surface of Robert’s skin. He stood there, unbothered, as the wolf thrashed and slobbered on him.

After a few moments, Robert’s horns began glowing with white magic. He casually raised the wolf into the air, but the animal refused to let go. With a sigh, Robert flicked the wolf’s nose, sending an electric jolt through it. The wolf yelped, releasing its grip, and flew into the night sky, crashing into a tree with a screech.

Robert turned to his shadowy companion, whose wide-eyed stare was unmistakable. He made a "zip" motion across his lips, glaring. "This never happened," he growled before striding forward.

His focus snapped to the dimming glow of the diamond dog copies in the distance, and with a smirk, he bolted after them. "Time to catch up and mess things up."

Author's Note

Hey, Trashmanic here! I finally got the Timberlake fight done. Yay! As always, I'd appreciate any feedback on how I can improve the story or writing. Feel free to let me know what you liked as well. This is Trashmanic, and thanks for reading!