The psychotic gentlegriff

It was the next day and Anubis was standing in a cake store holding about two dozen bags of clothes, accessories and balancing a stack of boxes on his back.

“I can’t believe I promise to do this shit….”

“I love you too Anubis.”

He thought it wouldn’t be that bad if they were going back to the castle but no, Silver had firmly stated that her and Glacier were only half way done on their girls day out.

He was losing his mind, just watching them deciding on witch sweet treats they’d be buying. They didn’t even think to ask him if he wanted anything. Hell, Glacier had brought the fore guards with them a cupcake each.

“Mhmmmm Anubis, what do you think I should get?”

“I think you should get me something.” He muttered out. “but if I was you I’d get the chocolate chip cookies.”

“Ooooh but which ones, there’s white chocolate, triple chocolate, dark chocolate and milk chocolate?”

“Just get the milk chocolate Silver.”

“Yeah play it safe.” She then proceeded to get 3 large milk chocolate chip cookies and popped one in Anubis’s beak.

The encumbered griff was taken by surprise and happily munched on the chocolaty treat. “Mhmmm thanks Silver.”

“See I didn’t forget about you.”

“Gulp* my faith has been restored my dear.”

“Um excuse me Silverfeather but don’t you think that we should maybe make a stop at the castle and drop some of our things off.”

“Nah he can handle it, right Nubie.” Some of the guards stifled their giggle whilst Glacier almost choked on her muffin.

“I told you not to call me that in front of others or did I knock a few brain cells out the night before?”

The royal hen stuttered as her cheeks turned red. “Y-y-you c-can’t say that!”

“Well I just did.”

Glacier jumped in. “Okay you two were in public, so please try and remember that.”

“Very well….”

“Fine….” Silver bounced up to the larger griffon and flicked his beak, Anubis just licked her cheek, messing up all the nicely preened feathers on her face. “Heheheheh hey now their all messy.”

She began to correct the out of place feathers as her and Glacier left the bakery, Anubis and the guards following.

“Why can’t you help yourself Silverfeather, it almost seems like you enjoy teasing him.”

“Because I do but that’s not the only thing I enjoy about it, I really like that he doesn’t care about who’s looking. I mean yeah my feathers now have cookie crumbs in them but even I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Sigh* I still don’t get it but whatever makes you happy, I guess…. Um Silverfeather. Look.” Silver stopped in place and spun around to find Anubis idly chatting with an earth pony mare.

“Who is she? And why does she think that she can just chat up my Nubie.” But before the defensive hen could interrupt them, she was stopped by her friend.

“Woah easy there, let’s just see how he handles this. Maybe they know each other.”

“But that just raises even more questions.”

“Hey Silver, Glacier! Come and meet a new friend of mine. Her names Spring Torch, Spring this is Glacier and.” Silver cut him off.

“I’m princess Silverfeather of the griffon empire.” Spring took a bow and Silver shot Anubis a glare.

“Sigh* really Silver? She’s just a friend so cool you’re jets.”

“My jets are cool…. What are jets anyway?”

“Doesn’t matter but listen, Spring here is just a friend. I promise you haven’t got nothing to worry about…. And you’re not normally like this, typically you try and show me off.”

“Well look, it was just a bit surprising is all, i mean let’s be real here Anubis. You don’t really make friends…. Acquaintances yeah you have plenty but friends, not to mention that she clearly finds you attractive.”

The mare in question blushed and suddenly became very interested in the ground. “Um excuse me your highness b-but I understand that Anubis is yours and I p-promise that I won’t try anything with him…. If that puts your worries to rest?”

“Grrrrrr fine but if you touch my Nubie, then there’ll be a problem…. And I won’t be the only prin-mhmm gasp* hey?”

“Okay you got your point across, so let’s not say anything further.”

“But….” The words died in her throat as he rounded her and picked her up by the scruff of her neck, Glacier, the guards and Spring Torch looking on in complete shock. The ponies on the street watched in disbelief.

“Come on, you still have a bunch of shopping to do Nimrod. Bye Spring!”

“Um oh good bye Anubis.”

A few streets away Anubis put Silver down, the hen spun around but before she could begin the much larger griff gave her a firm guttural growl.

“Um sorry?”

“Don’t say sorry Silver but please watch what you say, Spring Torch knows I’m yours but she doesn’t know about Celestia.”

“Ohhh…. Well good thing you stopped me?”

“Look I’m not mad but fucking hell, you and Celestia need to take a chill pill. I didn’t know you two were like that.”

“Wait what? We’re both like that?”

“Yes, Swan neck has met Spring and she was trying to melt the poor mare with her eyes.”

“Hahahahahahah!! No way! Really?”

“Ssssshhh…. Yes she was, I had to tell her about it.”

“Well if both of us agreed that that mare is only trying to get under you, then we must be correct.”

“So Anubis, Silverfeather where are we off to now?”

Well believe it or not, I have VIP tickets to see the Wonderbolts today, me and Anubis didn’t get to see them on our first date…. And this is kind of like a date but with a friend accompanying us.”

“Pssssss your the third wheel Glacier.”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t worry Glacier, as your friend it is my job to help you with your nonexistent love life.”

“Hey my love life does exist….”

“In your dreams doesn’t count, so what’s your type?”

“….I don’t know….”

“Oh come on, okay you can think about your type on the way to the Canterlot colosseum.”

When they finally made it to the colosseum’s royal booth, Anubis dumped everything he was carrying and got settled in the large throne with a sun emblazoned on it.

“Hey make some room.” Silver jumped up onto the throne, trying to squeeze herself in between Anubis’s forelegs.

“Um where do I sit?”

“If you help me take this over size griffon off this throne, then ah no!” Anubis laid down over the smaller hen and glacier giggled.

“I will crush all traitorous scum in my path.” The only thing visible of the royal hen was her talons which were clawing for freedom.

“Well I’d rather not be crushed thank you.”

Then he got up and hopped off the throne, exposing a very dishevelled Silver. “You good?”

“Huff* I’m fine…. You need to lose weight.”

“What me? Are you saying my butt looks big?”

“Yeah it’s massive.”

“Thanks Silver. Anyway Glacier, get comfortable I’ll lay on the ground.”

“Yeah come on, get up here…. So what’s your type Glacier?”

“….okay listen, I like…. I’m not too sure but if I’d have to say, he’d have to be taller than me and sweet and caring, oh and hot with long feathers and big wings.”

“Oh looking for husband material, so you’re already looking to start a family?” Silver was smirking as she ruffled her friend’s feathers.

“Nooo that’s not what I said, how did you even come to that conclusion anyway? I’ve never even had a griff-friend before.”

“Well we have to fix that now, so any griffs or stallions catch your eye, hey don’t worry I won’t judge.”

“Could we just watch the show please?”

“Okay Glacier but I will find you a mate.”

Anubis had gotten comfortable on the ground and the show was about to start, the crowd had fell silent.

Ceremonial trumpets played as the Wonderbolts blasted through a dark cloud, lightning cracking across the sky. There was a total of 9 Wonderbolts that split up into three teams of three, they flew low above the crowd. Before all three teams conversed in the centre and landed upon a stage, all striking a pose. Anubis was impressed with the display, the two hens on the throne were cheering along with the crowd.

“Helllooooo!! Canterlot!!! Are you ready for the Wonderbolts!! To tear up the sky!!!!”

“Yeeeaaahh!!!” The crowd all cried out.

The Wonderbolts shot up into the sky and allowed themselves to stall, they all fell down and caught themselves before hitting the ground. Causing the crowd to collectively gasp and sigh, the team broke up and began weaving between each other before climbing back up where they met and formed a complete loop with a smoke trail.

Then the Captain of the Wonderbolts shot through the centre of the smoke trail loop and met up with her team at its apex. They all fell back and used gravity to accelerate, using the momentum they flew high into the clouds and disappeared from view. The sun shielding them from the crowds gaze.

Then out of the light they came, raining down over the crowd. Captain Sky herself flying directly at the royal booth, Silver and Glacier holding each other for dear life whilst Anubis watched in amazement. At the last second they all made an impossibly sharp 90 degree turn and began flying in a circle, conversing to the centre of the colosseum and picking up sand as they did. The crowd wondered what was happening but they soon got their answers when a sand tornado formed.

The show went on for about 30 more minutes and afterward, the members of the Wonderbolts stayed to sign posters and other merchandise. Anubis had snuck into the line and when it was his turn to get a poster signed by the whole team, Sky and Blazing just gave him a deadpanned look.

“What? I came to get a poster signed….”

“Sigh* Anubis bud, please go back stage and wait for us. I’ll introduce you and the griffon princess to the team after this.”

“Okay but Celestia wants a signature.” He then proceeded to get Silver and Glacier and headed back stage.

They entered the back stage room and they made themselves comfortable, Glacier just sat in the middle of the room quietly. Anubis was stretching on the couch whilst Silver swatted at his tail.

Minutes passed and the Wonderbolts walked in, grabbing the attention of the griffons. “Sky! Blazing! I thought you were both dead, you never wrote. I was getting lonely.”

The other team members sniggered and shared looks with each other. “Ay captain, so is this the griff you taught how to fly for her highness?”

“Yes and with a bit more training he will make a great replacement for you Light Dust.” The team laughed at their friend’s expense.

“Does the griff know any formation flying?”

“Nope, I’ve not had the chance to teach him anything like that but I plan to.”

Hours flew past and it was time to head back towards the castle, Anubis carried all of the shopping that the two hens had accumulated in the day. Sky and Blazing walked along with them idly chatting as they watched the larger griffon struggling to balance the stacks of boxes.

“Easy there Nubie, don’t drop any thing.”

“Oh wow, thanks for the advice Silver.”

“Yeah Nubie!” Cried the captain of the Wonderbolts.

“Really? How old are you Sky.”

“I’m ten years older than you and as a griffon, you should have an impeccable sense of balance.”

“Have I dropped anything?”

“He’s got a point, nothings hit the ground…. Yet.”

“Oh ha ha very funny girls.” Then Blazing flew over and took half of the boxes, placing them on her back and walking along side Anubis.

“As fun as it is to watch you struggle, I’d rather get to the castle and relax.”

“Thanks lieutenant.”

They made it back into the castle and Anubis dumped everything he was carrying, almost immediately after getting inside. The tired griff then said his goodbyes and went to Celestia’s room, upon entering he found the regal Alicorn at her desk going through paperwork with a look of frustration on her face.

“Hey Celestia what’s up?”

“Just the usual stuff Anubis…. Sigh* so how was your day?”

“It was good but here, let me help.” Anubis grabbed some loose papers and began writing through them, leaning up against Celestia rubbing her withers with his wing.

A small smile adorned her muzzle and she couldn’t help herself, licking her lips and leaning down. She nipped his ear tip and he jumped up in shock, then he proceeded to swat at her with his wing.

“So this is how you repay me for trying to help you?”

“Heheheheh well you do make for good stress relief.”

“Huff* I will attack….”

“Oh really? Then I best put these away.” She proceeded to collect all the paperwork and placed them in a neat pile in her desk.

“Sigh* I’m too tired for this…. How about a truce?”

“Mhmmm maybe…. If you are willing to massage my wings, then I’ll think about it.” She walked past him and laid down on her bed belly first.

“Mmmmmm well I can get behind this truce.” He jumped up and sat down on the Alicorn’s lower back, placing his claws on the bridge of her wings.

“Oooohhh that’s good…. Sigh*”

He began to run his claws along her wings before reaching the base, where he grabbed them and began to rotate them, simulating flight. Celestia let out a flurry of moans, sighs and grunts as the stress drained from her body.

“So do you have any plans for tomorrow?”

“Nothing planned for the afternoon, why?”

“Because I think we should have dinner together, just the two of us and don’t worry Silver is fine with it.”

“Mhmmmm so whatever did you have in mind?”

“Well because of circumstances, I was thinking the dome….” He stated in a dramatic voice.

“well it is a beautiful place to have dinner but I believe that you’re going to have to speak with its occupant.”

“Yes I’ve taken into consideration that your phoenix will try to crack my skull like an egg but I’m willing to make such sacrifices.”

“And how do you plan on getting food up there? The castle staff are prohibited from going up there.”

“Oh Celestia, that’s for me to worry about and you to find out my dear, so why are you so stressed out?”

“A noble…. She’s been hosting charity events but only given a fraction of the funds to said charities, I can’t prove it as of yet but I know she has…. It’s frustrating because there’s a process that must be done but I just want to send in the guard and freeze her funds.”

“But you can’t because it might be seen as an act of tyranny.”

“Exactly! Argh if only I could get my hoofs on some evidence….”

“Sigh* well there’s no point in getting upset, I’m sure karma will bite this….”

“Lady Charity Pot.”

“Yes well I’m sure she’ll face judgement one way or another…. So relax my dear.”

“Sigh* you’re right Anubis, she can’t out run the law forever.”

“Or very angry individuals…. Did the guards ever track down that killer?”

“I thought you were trying to help me relax…. And no they didn’t, there was no leads just evidence of the victim’s crimes left behind by the killer.”

“That’s one way to give judgement…. But I don’t know how I feel about it, especially when it happened so close to Graceful’s home.”

“I tried to convince the Captain to take up residence in the castle with his family but they declined my offer….”

“He’s too honourable for his own good.”

“Well you could take a page or two from his books.”

“What and be by the books? We both know that you don’t want that, not to mention that I’m perfect the way I am….”

“You are far from any form of perfection Anubis.”

“Ouch my feelings but yeah that would be boring for the most part…. So anything else interesting happened today?”

“Well I’ve been planning the Grand Galloping Gala, that is due to be held on the weekend after heat week. There was also a meeting with the Saddlearabian royal family witch went well on my part but other then that it was day court and paperwork.”

“Well I became a pack horse for Silver for the day.”

“A what?!?”

“A pack horse?”

“Anubis…. Okay you don’t know what that means but please don’t say horse again, it’s not a nice thing to call ponies…. Especially mares.”

“Oh but I didn’t call anypony it…. And I won’t say it again, I promise….”

“Good. now get back to work, my back isn’t going to scratch itself.”

“Heheheheh, so are you going to scratch my back afterwards?”

“If you really want me to.”

“I’d like that…. But I have a question?”

“Go on….”

“Is her highness ticklish here?” He began wiggling his claws against her hips and the calm Alicorn went stiff as she struggled to escape, wings flapping wildly.

“Aaahhhhahahahahah!!! Noooo! Please have mercy Anubis!!!! Hahahahahahahah!!!!!”

“I’m sorry but the doctor has diagnosed you with a severe case of stress, the cure? IS TICKLING!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!”

“Anuuuuubiiis!!!!! Please!! I’m begging you!!!!! Stop!!!!! pi-pineapples!!!!!” He immediately stopped his roofless attack and flopped next to her on the bed.

“Sorry…. Didn’t know you couldn’t handle that but it’s kinda funny when you think about it, you’ve never used the safe word before.”

“Huff* shut up and hold me you idiot.”

“With pleasure my dear.” He proceeded to grab the white Alicorn with his claws and pulled her onto his chest, wrapping her up in his wings and curling his tail around her hind legs as she nuzzled into him.

“Mmmmmmmm…. When’s the last time you preened your feathers?”

“Pffff what? Yesterday…. Okay fine a week ago.”

“Sigh* I’m to comfortable to move, so I’ll preen them tomorrow.”

“Awwwww thanks, you’re the best Celestia.”