30 Minute Delay

Season’s ‘Greetings’ Grandma

“Mail for you!” Chirped the blonde and grey Pegasus cheerfully. The recipient, a pink and blonde Earth pony with a flower Cutie Mark, smiled back as she accepted them.

“Thanks a bunch Derpy, on time as always. Got any room in that bag of yours for a muffin?”

“Always have so far, thanks.” She immediately devoured the sweet treat, making the issue moot,

“Gotta go finish my round, see you later, Lily.”

“Take care. Say hi to little Dinky for me.” Both smiled as the mailmare continued on her rounds.

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Back in the house, Lily was boiling some tea while she opened her mail.

“Lessee here……bill, bill, ‘Sell us your house, there’s homeless ponies in Ponyville’, more of a lateral move than an improvement really, bill aaaaand……..ugh, here we go again.”

The final letter on the table was embossed with top quality paper and gold finish, sealed with wax in a familiar shape. Shaking her head, Lily went to see if her tea was done. She wanted to at least be comfortable for this farce.

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Settling herself in with a steaming mug of aromatic brew, she finally broke the seal and unfolded the envelope.

Greetings, granddaughter. After hearing about this publicity drive to bring more of those winged savages to your already infested town, I wanted to reiterate my desire to see you happy and safe with a husband of good standing and suitable genetics. As your last reply did not seem satisfied with the potential spouses I had arranged I have provided you with a new group to look over. Hopefully these will be more to your liking. You know I have only your best interests at heart and I worry about all those feathered beasts and horned demons that invade all but the most stalwart of TRUE pony settlements. These Pegasus’ and Unicorns may claim to be ponies but I trust you see the truth. They are freaks and abominations, deserving only our contempt.

I again urge you to come live with me here, in Aripona, where those vermin are not tolerated and real ponies have moral fortitude. It would do my heart good to know you are safe. Please don’t wait too long to reply. It makes me worry.

I am praying for your safety,

Bouquet Blanche

Lily sighed and set the letter back on her table. It was more of the same really. It was the same as it ever was. Her ‘loving’ grandmother would contact her periodically, usually in response to some news story, and stress the importance of marriage to a wealthy Earth pony. Only an Earth pony. Lily had never understood why her grandmother hated Pegasus’ and Unicorns so much. It had been hell during foalhood, where her grandmother, all the way from Aripona, had lobbied endlessly for separate schools in Ponyville for Earth and non-Earth. She’d even gone so far as to offer to pay for the Earth-only school herself. All it had accomplished was to turn Lily into a pariah in the eyes of her classmates. She just wanted to be friends but they’d shunned her. If not for Rose and Daisy she might have given in and gone to live with her grandmother.

Luckily she hadn’t and, through tireless work to show that she was NOT her grandmother, she had gradually won back the friendship of her Pegasus and Unicorn schoolmates. However, Bouquet Blanche was not known for giving up. She’d been persistent, all the way to marehood. Lily had tried every which way she knew to get the point across. She. Was. Not. Interested. However each letter brought a new set of suitors, all, in Lily’s eyes at least, completely interchangeable. They all seemed to be dressed in the same cut of suit, professionally groomed and tycoons in some field or other. Lily had been polite at first, even agreeing to meet a few of them. Suffice it to say, there had never been any second meetings.

Glancing back at the letter, Lily found herself growing angry. It was much the same as her grandmother’s other attempts, except for that bit at the end. It would do my heart good to know you are safe. Please don’t wait too long to reply. It makes me worry. The guilt trip was a new tactic. It left a bad taste in Lily’s mouth. How dare her grandmother try to turn it around on her like this? Making out that she was the unreasonable one? The more she thought of it, the angrier she got.

Too far, grandmother, too far this time. I think I’m gonna have to be more forceful with my replies.

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“First, thank you all for coming. I don’t mean to inconvenience you if I can help it.” Lily looked at the gathered ponies and felt a twinge of unease.

I shouldn’t be asking this of them, even for a cause like this.

“Is everything okay, Lily? Your note didn’t explain much.” Derpy had returned and, at Lily’s request, had brought her daughter with her.

“Mommy, what’s going on?”

“Wait and see, Muffin.” Dinky was about to respond when another of the room’s occupants spoke up.

“Your summons spoke of free flowers for a year, such a handsome prize portends trouble, I fear.” The speaker was Zecora, the soft-spoken rhyming Zebra who made her home in the Everfree Forest. A regular customer of Lily’s, she was always willing to have a friendly chat.

“YEEEAAAAHHH! Tell us what’s going on!” Roid Rage, the manically strong Pegasus with surprisingly undersized wings, rounded out the group. He had no real connection to Lily or the others but was never one to turn down a free meal or an interesting afternoon.

“Weeelll….” Lily began, picking her words carefully,

“I…my grandmother keeps pressuring me to get married. Thing is, she’s an old-fashioned Earth pony. Only wants me to marry another Earth pony. She actually kinda……hates Pegasus’ and Unicorns.”

“Is that so?” Roid Rage’s eyes had narrowed while Derpy had a hoof held protectively around Dinky.

“Yeah. She’s wrong and she keeps sending me these horrible letters, calling Pegasus’ and Unicorns all these awful names while at the same time trying to fix me up with whatever trust fund punk she’s found this time. She just won’t stop! Her tactics keep getting dirtier and dirtier and…….and……..and I just wanna fight back!”

“So you gathered two Pegasus’, a Unicorn and a Zebra, who I’m guessing your grandma isn’t too fond of either?”

“It’d be pretty long odds.”

“These letters you despise, may we see them with our own eyes?”

“Uh….sure.”

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The three (after reading 3 lines into the first letter, Derpy had forbidden Dinky from reading them, so instead the little Unicorn helped Lily prepare some snacks in the kitchen) read carefully through the correspondence, grimacing pretty much constantly at the language being thrown about by Lily’s grandmother. When they were finished, as Lily brought the food out from the kitchen, trailed by Dinky, the three turned in unison to her.

“What do you need?”

“YEEEEAAAAAHHHH!”

“Your grandmother has so much hate, it must be hard to tolerate.”

“Like you wouldn’t believe, Zecora. It’s why I haven’t visited her in years. Anyway, as you can see from her letters, she wants to see me with a happy family. So I figured I’d give her what she wants……ish.” The three started to realise the plan and had knowing smiles on their faces. Dinky, who hadn’t read the letters, was a little further behind.

“What are you all talking about?” Smiling at the inquisitive filly, Lily knelt down to look her square in the eye.

“Dinky, do you like being a Unicorn?”

“Uh huh.” She smiled, nodding enthusiastically.

“Of course you do. And do you like your mommy being a Pegasus?”

“YEAH! Flying with mommy’s really fun!”

“Good answer. Now then, my grandmother is being a silly pony and thinks that Unicorns and Pegasus’ are bad. Could you help me change her mind?” Dinky was giggling and bouncing up and down now.

“She’s a very silly pony. I’ll help.”

“Thank you, sweetie. It means a lot to me.”

“I wanna help. You’re mommy’s friend.”

“Am I your friend too?”

“Uh huh! Uh huh!” Her mother was almost vibrating with pride at this point but she gathered herself and addressed her daughter.

“Good girl, Muffin. You make sure to do what Lily tells you then.”

“Yes, mommy.” Thanking them both, Lily stood up and addressed the group.

“Okay, we’re going to take some pictures of our ‘family’. Sort of like playing House,” she added for Dinky’s benefit,

“Derpy will take the pictures.”

“Yay mommy!”

“So myself and Roid Rage will play the parents and Dinky will play the child, Zecora is a family friend.” Dinky was having the time of her life with all the pretending.

“Heeheehee, auntie Zecora!” This shocked Zebra mare but she quickly recovered.

“In my homeland I have no brother, to become an auntie, even for a moment, is a sense unlike any other.”

“Alright then, let’s start. Places everyone………no no, Derpy, the camera’s facing the wrong way, it’s looking at you right now. Turn it around……now it’s upside down, rotate it. Keep rotating, keep rotatiTOO FAR! Back a smidge……there you go.”

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A few hours later, after the photos had been developed, Lily and Derpy were looking over them in the kitchen while Zecora and Roid Rage played with Dinky in the living room.

“So why us?” Lily looked up at Derpy’s question. There was no accusation, just curiosity.

“Well I wanted to find a Pegasus and Unicorn that would bug my grandmother’s ridiculously close-minded expectations. You saw all the stallions she was sending me. Fancy types, can run a business but absolutely useless outside of their office. Does that sound like Roid Rage to you?” They chortled.

“Heck, no! He’s as far from it as you can get. He’s 100% in everything he does,” they both glanced into the other room where Roid Rage was flexing and Dinky, sitting on his head, was copying him. Zecora was splitting her sides at the sight as Lily continued:

“He’s also a much more honest pony, none of the acidic social upbringing that those stiffs got.”

“True, so why my little Muffin?”

“She’s about the bubbliest little thing I’ve ever seen. She smiles easily too. Even if you had taught it to her, I doubt the idea that ‘foals should be seen and not heard’ would fly with her.” Derpy was beaming at the praise for her little girl, who was currently being taught a native dance by Zecora. Roid Rage was trying too but he was……less than graceful.

“Plus the fact that they both have hair colour similar to mine sells the idea that she’s our child, but that was just a lucky coincidence.”

“The best kind.”

“Yup yup,” Lily paused for a moment and became pensive,

“Listen, I want you to know that I DON’T just see you guys as Unicorn, Pegasus and Zebra. I am sorry that it looks like I’m using you in that way.”

“Yyyeeaahh,” drawled Roid Rage as he drifted into the kitchen,

“Don’t worry, we know you don’t. Your grandmother does, though, and sometimes to get your point across you have to present it in a way that THEY will understand.” Derpy nodded in agreement.

“Yeah, don’t worry, we knew you wouldn’t do that to us, plus we got some new friends out of the deal, so it worked out pretty good.”

“Mommy! Lily! Roidy!” Dinky’s voice chirped from the other room,

“Come see me and Zecora’s dance!” Derpy immediately headed in while Roid Rage turned to Lily.

“Coming?”

“Just gotta get these sealed in the envelope.” Nodding, he made his way through the opening with a “YEEEAAAAHHHH!”

Lily looked over the photos they’d taken of their ‘family’. Her and Roid holding Dinky while Zecora pressed in from the side, a pony pyramid with Dinky balancing on Lily-and-Zecora balancing on Roid Rage, Roid Rage doing pushups with Dinky underneath pretending to hold him up, Dinky simultaneously beating all three of them at hoof wrestling, a shot of them all ‘asleep’ on the couch, and many more just like them.

Grandmother, I was happier with this ‘family’ than I ever would have been with any of the ones YOU envisioned for me. I hope you can see that one day.

“LILY! COME WATCH!” Smiling, she tucked the pictures into the envelope and licked it shut.

“Coming!”

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