Equestria : After the Loss

After what felt like weeks, -- maybe even months -- I still couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. Once I was finally able to get out of Her Highness' clutches, -- out of her quarters -- I managed to stumble my way to Mini. After the beating I'd taken, I wasn't able to form any coherent thoughts, yet, despite the exhaustion and pain, I was somehow able to tell my only friend it was her turn with our Queen. The last thing I remember before losing conciousness was the look of sheer indifference my oldest friend had given me.

I'm not sure if she had moved me herself, but I woke up much later in my room, lying on my bed. I must've been out for a while because all of the blood on me was dried by that point. I hadn't even tried to move then, the pain intolerable, as if it had been inflicted on me seconds before.

So I slept.

I slept, and I slept, and I slept. I couldn't say how long I was inactive, but the only thing I wanted to do at the time was feel better... to feel... clean. I'd felt so... dirty, so... disgusting. My Queen haunted the nightmares I couldn't escape from, endlessly repeating the horrible acts she'd performed on me in reality, even as I slept. I couldn't get away from her, couldn't fight her, couldn't even try to resist her. I was completely helpless.

No matter what I might try to do, no matter where I tried to escape to, no matter who I tried to find to help me... my fate had already been sealed. I was her toy. I was her plaything. She owned me, in body... and in mind, and I... I had no choice but to accept that fact.

"So you're still just gonna lie in here?" Mini was back again, but this was the first time she decided to say something to me. Every other time she visited me she'd brought minor rations so I wouldn't die of starvation.

My Queen is truly merciful.

She could have cut off my food supply and forced me out of bed, but she'd allowed Mini to bring it to me. I was more than grateful for her kindness.

I didn't answer my friend. I didn't want to answer her. I was too scared to do so. Both too scared to answer and too scared to get out of bed.

I'm safe in my room. I'm safe away from my loving, brutal Queen.

"You're not this weak, Moondancer. You need to stop."

Being berated by Mini always felt really weird. She didn't yell or get loud, she just told the truth with that same monotone voice of hers. Most of the time it was unsettling, but right now, it was just plain annoying.
"If you insist on staying here, Her Highness WILL be paying you a visit in the near future." It wasn't a threat, she was just telling the truth. Regardless of what it was or wasn't, my heart fell into my stomach, a feeling of sickness possessing me.

"NO!" I tore the blankets off of myself, the dried scabs that had fused with the covers ripping from my body as well. It hurt something fierce, but the pain was nothing compared to what my Queen could and would end up doing to me if I displeased her again. "I-I'LL BE GOOD! I SWEAR!"

Mini was completely unmoved by my outburst, a raised brow her only initial reaction. I'm not sure what might've done it. My frantic eyes, my trembling frame, the streams of tears, or something else entirely, but she must've finally felt something stir within her. Though it was faint, I could swear I saw her gaze soften, just a little bit.

"What did she do to you, Moondancer?" she approached my bed, a look of genuine concern coming to her face. I don't know what had changed, but she must have made a breakthrough at some point. She hadn't shown as many emotions over the past few years as she had over the last couple days. Maybe it was finally being able to get the truth of the past off her chest after so long of keeping it bottled up inside.

Her question obliterated the dam, the weak streams becoming mighty rivers. I couldn't hold it in any longer, the unrestrained fear and sorrow spilling out of me like a cup that'd been filled far beyond its capacity. As I sobbed on the bed, my body quaking, I realized I simply couldn't do it.

I can't, Mini.

"I... I can't..." I couldn't face my Queen. The idea, the very thought of doing such a thing, made me tremble in terror.

What if I screw up again? What if she gets angry with me? What if she makes me go with her into her room again?

"Moondancer..." I felt the mattress near me sink in, though I didn't lift my head to confirm it. "If you don't come with me right now, things are going to get a whole lot worse for you... and for me."

I raised my head, wiping the tears away with a foreleg before looking her way. She was sitting next to me on the tattered mattress, -- my crappy bed -- a near lifeless expression on her face. I'd get no sympathy from her, just honesty, as per usual.

"I-I'm scared, Mini," I sniffled.

"So am I, Moondancer," she sighed. "C'mon," she flicked my side with a hoof. "We can be scared together," she reached out that same hoof to me. Honestly, the physical contact and nearly kind words were much more than I'd ever thought I'd get from her.

"I... I..." with a final sniffle and another wipe of my eyes, I took her hoof into my own. "I-I'll try."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Minuette pulled me forward, forced me to carry on. She dragged me down to the river in spite of my reservations. I couldn't be any more thankful for -- and to -- her.

Everything still ached beyond belief. My head. My legs. My withers. My hooves. My horn and flank... Especially my horn and flank. None of the wounds I'd received had finished healing yet, but the process was moving along at a normal rate. My Queen wouldn't let anyone that she harmed try to mend said damage through external means.

Medicine, bandages, and the like were not permitted, most likely because our Queen found satisfaction in seeing us in such horrid states. No. We had to heal naturally, all the while our Queen taunting and ridiculing us.

It is a kindness.

She had enough mercy to allow us to fully recover before she inflicted more injuries on us.

Infection on the other hoof... I hadn't gotten to wash myself since before leaving for Ponyville. The very real possibilty of getting an infected wound due to just how filthy I was could no longer be ignored. An infection could lead to an amputation... or worse, death. My Queen would never tolerate that.

So I had to do what I could.

I have to.

Mini held me close, practically carrying me as we approached the river. Yet again, I was grateful to my Queen and her endless grace. I might've been more fearful of being outside the city walls in the past, -- especially in such a... weakened state -- but ever since my Queen had taken over, even the area surrounding the city had become a part of her territory.

Barring the rare occurrence of a long distance, unaware traveler, Mini and I wouldn't be bothered by any unwelcome guests. And even if anything or anyone was foolish enough to try and do something to us, our Queen's retribution would be merciless.

"Moondancer... you've... you've lost a lot of weight." Judging by the tone of her voice, she was annoyed with that fact.

I'd always been a light eater, even before the start of this whole tragedy. Now, with the lack of proper food and all my extended periods working in my lab, I rarely found the time to feed myself. The period I'd spent in my room recovering couldn't have helped either.

"Does that really matter?" I didn't have any excuses. Not any that she'd find reasonable, anyway.

"It might," she regained her composure, her irritation back under control. "It could be one of the reasons Her Highness did... this to you," she roughly shoved a hoof into my side, nearly punching me.

The pain was excruciating, so much so that I fell down onto my side, an agonized yelp escaping my mouth. My breathing was labored as I oriented myself, a grimace on my face.

"MIN-MINUETTE?" I managed to gasp out through huffs. "Why would y-"

"Because you don't get it, Moondancer," she glared down at me. There was no anger in her voice, no malice at all. She was just disappointed with me, like I was a foal that couldn't comprehend a simple concept and she needed to teach me. "You haven't gotten it since Chrysalis took over," she lumbered towards me. "You haven't gotten it since Blueblood imprisoned us," she stood over my prone body. "You haven't gotten it since all of this started," she reached a hoof out which I reluctantly took with my own.

"I'm beginning to," I groaned as she roughly pulled me up to my hooves. I winced, the pain of such a careless action just as harsh as being struck.

"Are you?" she jerked her head toward the river, obviously wanting me to get a move on. She held me close again, helping me to walk. "It sure doesn't seem like it," she said under her breath as we began to move.

You know what, that's enough!

"What do you want from me, Minuette!?" I pushed her away with as much force as I could summon, my face twisting in despair, both from the discomfort of the motion and the imminent fight with my best friend. Despite my emotions, my anger was muting anything else I was feeling in that moment, even my care for her. "I'm trying, Minuette! I've BEEN trying!" She stared at me, her expression not changing one bit. I wanted to stomp away from her, but if I tried to move from the spot I'd probably collapse, so I continued my rant instead. "You think I wanted this!? You think I ENJOYED what Blueblood did to us!?" Her eyes narrowed slightly. "You think I WANT to serve Chrysalis!?" They narrowed further, becoming displeased blue slits. I lowered my voice, choosing to speak my next words with all the vindictiveness I could muster. "Do you think I'm happy Lemon Hearts and Twinkleshine killed themselves?"

She flinched.

...

"Min... is that what you... is that what you think?" my lower lip quivered as the sadness threatened to overtake the anger. "That I wanted-'

"That's enough," she said with a hint of firmness in her voice as she lowered her head. She took a step towards me, but I wasn't about to just drop it.

"No, Min." I took a slow step backwards. "Is that... is that honestly what you think?"

She froze in place, her body going rigid.

...

"Is it?" I whispered. She wouldn't move.

"Moony," she lifted her head slowly, revealing something I never thought I'd see again.

"M-Minuette?" I took a step toward her, not sure how else to react.

"P-please, Moony... t-that's enough." Tears cascaded down her cheeks. I couldn't have been any more devastated. I was lost, unsure of what to do, what to say. I wanted to hold her. I wanted to comfort her. I wanted to rush to her side.

But I didn't.

She did.

I held her close as she quietly wept. I stroked her mane gently, giving her however much time she needed.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"I'm sorry, Min,' I said after I felt enough time had passed and her crying had subsided.

"I miss them," she sniffed. "I miss them so much, Moony."

"Me too," I sighed. I wasn't crying. I really thought I would be in a situation like this, but I wasn't. I was too stunned... and I was far too happy.

"Moony..." she sighed. "Please... don't ever leave me alone."

A sharp pain pierced my chest. "I won't, Min... I promise."

...

"We're gonna die... aren't we?"

"W-what?" I asked, completely caught off guard by the question. "Why would you think something like that, Mini?"

"Chrysalis is never going to let us go. She's going to use us until she doesn't need us anymore and... a-and then..." her body slumped in my forelegs.

I wanted to tell her that wasn't true, wanted to reassure her and tell her that everything was gonna be alright, but... after what we'd already gone through, after my time in Chrysalis' room... I wasn't so sure anymore. If the Queen wanted us dead, there was nothing we could do to stop her.

...

"Well... we'll just have to keep being useful then, won't we?"
I rubbed her shoulder gently.

We sat together for a while, holding each other in silence. It was nice. Before too long, she pulled away, standing to her hooves.

"Come on, Moondancer." She was back to her "normal" self. "You're still filthy." She helped me up and we continued on to the river.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Once I'd finished cleaning up, -- or I guess Mini had finished cleaning me up, I still wasn't confident moving so much and getting to nooks and crannies was harder than I'd expected -- we returned to Canterlot.

Once we were back "home", Mini brought me to my lab so I could actually start getting some work done. Apparently, Queen Chrysalis was losing patience with me. I'd been locked away for too long and she was this close to storming into my room and dragging me out, whether I wanted to or not.

Thankfully, Mini had been able to convince the Queen to allow her to try and get me out. I dreaded to think what might've happened to me if Queen Chrysalis hadn't let her try... or had just lost her temper at the blue unicorn's request and went in herself.

Now, I stood in the center of the lab with even stronger feelings of doubt and uncertainty. Mini was losing hope and there was little I could do to remedy that.

"You should get to work. Her Highness should be satisfied you're finally out of bed, but it couldn't hurt to show her you're already trying to develop more tech for her," she'd said before leaving me by my lonesome. She had promised to return with some food though, so at least I had that to look forward to.

A meal and good company sounds nice... but what should I do until then?

I looked around the lab with as much enthusiasm as Mini typically had. It was a pathetic thing, after all, the castle wasn't exactly designed for the research and development of technological pursuits. It was merely a guest room fashioned to serve as a lab, nothing more. My primary workspace was a small wooden table with an equally small lamp.

There was another larger table for... messier tasks. I could never manage to get that one as clean as I'd like. And there was another desk with some tools on it.

Like I said, pathetic.

Even the lighting in the room was atrocious, restricted to that single little lamp. That was one of the reasons the first mod I'd implanted in myself was for better vision in the dark. And now I stood, -- in said darkness -- aimless.

I had no desire to get to work on anything, but the prospect of infuriating the Queen was something I couldn't -- and wouldn't -- ignore. Not only would doing such a foolish thing put my own safety at risk, but Mini's as well.

Being in her room had taught me something... disturbing about myself. Something I didn't want to acknowledge or admit. If The Queen wanted, she could hold me right in the center of her hoof and do what she wished with me. I'd even forsake my best friend to avoid such a cruel fate. So I had to avoid it at all costs.

If only we weren't trapped here...

But we were.

And it's all her fault.

I knew exactly what I wanted to make. With my newfound motivation, I got to work immediately.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

I'm not sure how much time
had passed since I started working, but it couldn't have been long. Mini still hadn't gotten back with the food yet, so it couldn't have been hours.

Unless she got lost.

I giggled to myself. I was so enthralled with my work I barely noticed when my skin started to crawl. Looking at the closed door, my stomach gurgled. I knew who was coming and it wasn't Mini.

...

"My, my, my... you're looking exceptionally well!" Hearing the Queen's voice shook me to my bones. I'd no clue what she was actually thinking because I'd already prostrated myself prior to her entering the room. I was as low to the floor as I could be and had no idea how to reply to her comment so I remained quiet. "And such reverence?" she cackled. "You must have someone truly wonderful keeping watch over you."

"Yes, My Queen," I confirmed without raising my head. "She is as gracious as she magnanimous."

The bellowing laughter that came from her was equal parts frightening and disturbing. Still, I kept my nose pressed to the ground. I'm not sure if I did so because I was trying to be as respectful as possible, or because I was too scared to look her in the eyes.

"Get up, Moondancer," she ordered, but the volume of her voice hadn't raised a decibel. My heart began to race. My body rumbled... but I couldn't move. She waited silently.

"I... I can't, Your Highness," I managed to squeak out after she'd tolerated my insubordination for far too long.

"You... can't?" she sounded thrilled by that fact. "You do understand you are currently disobeying me, don't you, Moondancer?"

"N-NO! I-" I was standing in a flash, looking her directly in the eyes before I could fully comprehend what I was doing. "Please, My Queen." I was beginning to hyperventilate, vicious tremors running through my body nonstop.

"Moondancer," she tromped toward me, each step she took seeming to shake the entire lab. She was inches away from me, the psychotic grin on her face just like the one she'd had in her room.

T-the same as when she...

I threw myself at her hooves, not coming into contact with them, but so close I could kiss them if she so demanded it. I laid there, like a pathetic puppy... or something even more pitiful.

"P-please!?" I begged, pleaded that she would have mercy on me. She slowly raised one of her hooves. As it left my vision I tensed, praying I wasn't about to be struck like before. When I felt it come to rest atop my head I nearly screamed. Thank goodness I had controlled myself.

"Moondancer I'm a tyrant, not a... monster," she chortled. "And certainly not a liar," her laughter became more raucous. "Come now, on your hooves," she tapped me on the tip of my horn with her hoof. "You're of no use to me down there."

"T-thank you, Your Highness." I stood, a grateful, if not overly unsure, smile on my face. The fact that she hadn't instantly started berating or striking me did a lot to ease my nerves. Now, she seemed to be being downright pleasant. It was strange, but not unwanted, so I wasn't about to start complaining. "You're-"

"Yes, yes, I am absolutely magnificent," she waved a hoof dismissively, though there was a small grin on her lips. "More importantly, what are you working on?" She lifted her head towards the desk I had been sitting at, a look of boredom on her face. My area was cluttered with various pieces of metal, small devices, and all the materials I'd need to create tech. Just like I liked it.

"Explosives, Your Highness," I responded immediately as I trotted over to the table. I picked up a small round metal sphere, showing it to the Queen. "Rainbow Dash was able to withstand almost all of the weaponry I've created until now... all of it, except these. These were the one thing that were effective against her."

"And what are you planning?" she looked down at the ball with a slightly raised brow, still seemingly not that interested.

"If I can shrink my explosives down," I stared down at my tech. "Make them more portable," a pleased grin came to my face as I imagined what I could do to Ponyville... to Twilight, with such tech. "They wouldn't be able to stop you."

...

"You're coming along nicely, Moondancer," she remarked with a pleased smirk.

"I'm... not sure what you mean, Your Highness," I moved to place the bomb back on my work desk.

"Pay it no mind. Speaking of Rainbow Dash. I've a question I need answered, Moondancer," she moved to the opposite side of my table, picking up a small sheet of steel and looking at it closely.

"I'll try as best I can, Your Highness," my heart began to pound.

What if I don't have the answer she wants? What if-

"Calm down, Moondancer," she rolled her eyes before flicking my horn with a hoof. "You're being so needlessly dramatic." She must've noticed I was worried, a mistake on my part. She dropped the metal back onto the table. "Is Rainbow Dash Twilight's primary line of defense?"

I grimaced. While I could take an educated guess, I couldn't be certain and that might be more than enough to incur the Queen's wrath. Lying might be even worse, and taking too long to reply could be equally as bad.

"I... believe so, Your Highness," I fiddled with a piece of wiring. "I can't imagine she has much better technology than what Rainbow Dash was using... at least not for the purposes of combat."

"Then now is the time to strike!" she declared confidently.

W-what!?

I was able to keep how surprised I was under control just enough not to blurt my disbelief out loud. Unfortunately, my face must have still displayed how I felt because Chrysalis looked annoyed by my reaction.

"You have the audacity to disagree with your Queen?" she asked calmly.

"I..." I couldn't lie and I definitely couldn't tell her the truth. I was trapped.

But, maybe...

"I worry, Your Highness," I evaded, hoping such a gamble would work.

...

"Explain yourself," she demanded evenly after glaring at me for what felt like an eternity.

"Ponyville is a stronghold, Your Highness," I explained. "And Twilight Sparkle is not a fool," I stated reluctantly. "Knowing her, their defenses are much more elaborate than just a single blue pegasus."

"So you question my strength?" She was still being unbelievably calm.

"No, Your Highness," I shook my head, answering honestly. "I just know how intelligent Twilight is."

...

"Her tenacity has proven to be quite vexing in the past," she huffed, clearly frustrated, but containing it well. "Well then, what do you suggest?"

She's... asking me?

She was being really cautious about this whole situation. I tapped my chin with a hoof. We had many options we could pursue, many paths we could take, but only one made a lot more sense than the others.

"I think we should try to gather as much information on Twilight, her friends, and the town itself, as we can," I recommended, hoping it would be enough to satisfy the Queen.

"And how should we go about doing that?" she began toying with one of my makeshift tubes of adhesive.

"I think the most effective way to do so would be to get someone from our side into the city." I'd already thought of the how, I just wasn't sure who would be best suited to do such a thing.

"Then you or I would be the most logical candidates for that," she scratched her chin with a hoof.

"True," I agreed. With our stealth tech, getting inside the walls would be a piece of cake for either of us.

As long as...

"But only if Twilight hasn't set up anything that might be able to detect us," I sighed. If the alicorn really did have something to reveal us within her city...

I didn't want to think about what that might mean for me, especially after I'd nearly killed one of her best friends. Even Queen Chrysalis would have a hard time fighting off an entire city, though I was doubtful even she could pull off something like that.

"You're testing my patience, Moondancer." Her eyes were slits, the jade orbs glowing menacingly. My heart rattled in my chest as soon as I saw vestiges of the Queen from her chambers.

"F-forgive me, Your Highness," I felt sick. "I'd no intention of-"

"If neither of us, what should we do, Moondancer?" she interrupted, glaring at me. Thankfully, my mind had already been working for a solution to our problem.

"I think we should send a pony to seek refuge in Ponyville," I spoke as quickly as I could in the hopes of extinguishing the flames of her wrath. "If we can get someone inside, they can do some spying for us and then-"

"And where exactly are we supposed to get a-" her fury instantly transformed into realization, her eyes going wide. "Actually... I think I may have the perfect candidate..." The evil smirk on her face sent chills down my spine.

"Y-Your... Your Highness?" I hadn't wanted to question her, but my curiosity got the better of me.

"A foolish creature I found snooping around Canterlot a few days ago," her devilish smile grew. "She even had escorts! Can you believe that?" she chortled as if it were the funniest thing ever. "Emphasis on had," she disgustingly licked her lips as her glee erupted even louder. "Yes, Moondancer... I believe she'll do just fine..."