Equestria : After the Loss

"I sure could go for something hard right about now," I groaned.

"I can imagine," Aj chuckled from her place on the other side of the operating room. She was looking at one of the machines that'd done quite a bit of work on the both of us over the last couple years. "Ah swear, ah'll never get used tuh these things," she tapped a hoof against the metal contraption as she shook her head in disgust.

"You and me both, Sister." I agreed with an uncomfortable chuckle. The two of us were waiting for the Lights to arrive and start cutting me to pieces. I'd have really preferred to be drunk... or even high, -- I mean, I wasn't exactly a proponent of such bad behavior, but if there ever was a time, it was right then. -- but apparently this new tech needed me to be sober, at least beforehoof, so instead, I got to wrestle with all the fears and doubts I had about going through with the procedure.

Fun.

"Dash..." Aj looked and sounded solemn all of a sudden, like she'd just found out someone had died...

Or is about to...

"Are ya sure ya wanna go through with this?" I guess the topic of her question wasn't too far from those things.

"Actually, I'm not," I stated with no hesitation at all.

"Wha-" she was clearly caught off guard by my blunt response. "Then... then why?"

"Because it's either this or I lose my wings and along with them, my only way of taking care of you goofs," I shrugged, a satisfied grin on my face.

"Tain't thuh only way ta help us, Dash. Ya could always-"

"I've already made my decision, Applejack." There was no point in letting her go on. If the very real possibilty of my death hadn't swayed my resolve yet then nothing would change my mind at this point.

"Ah'm just..." she sighed. The concern on her face was easy to see as she removed her Stetson from her head and trotted over to me. That thing was beyond raggedy at this point, but she'd never get rid of it... not such a precious gift from her late father. "Ah'm just sayin' is all, Rainbow. Ya don't need tuh keep puttin' yer life on thuh line fer our sakes. Ah can-"

"Aj?" I cut her off again, turning my head away from her so she wouldn't be able to see my face. She was honesty, not me. I loved my friends more than life itself. Twilight, Star, Pinks, Flutters, Rare, and Spike were all super important to me. If any of them ever needed something from me I'd gladly give it, no questions asked.

But Applejack... Aj was different. Sure, I'd known Fluttershy for way longer, but Aj was... Aj was just like me: Stubborn and competitive to a fault. Me and Applejack were cut from the same cloth. While I could never be as truthful as her, she had always been every bit as loyal as I was.

Over the years we'd gotten closer and closer. So close that at one point I thought I might be in love with her, but I quickly learned why that would never work. Me and Aj butted heads all the time, and no I'm not being hyperbolic. We literally butted heads ALL the time.

I'm not sure if it was because our disagreements were legit, or if it's just cause we both liked fighting with each other so much, but it was not something anyone in their right mind should build a loving relationship on. Regardless of all that, we were still really good friends. From my perspective at least, she was my best friend and...

And I hated looking weak in front of her. She was strong.

She is strong.

She always has been. Even when Granny Smith passed away, she'd taken it on the chin and soldiered on like nothing happened. I would've been a wreck, losing someone that close to me. Shoot, I was when I realized my parents were probably dead and I'd never get to see them again.

That day, when the eight of us were deciding how best to move forward, we all broke down a little bit. All of us except Applejack. She'd lost her mom and dad decades ago and I'd never once heard her complain or seen her cry about it.

I knew it didn't bother her, my weaknesses I mean, but still. If I could, I'd prefer to keep all my stupid wimpy drawbacks hidden deep inside myself where no one could see them. Since that clearly wasn't a realistic option, I just had to try my best not to appear foolish to her.

"What is it, Dash?" she didn't move to try and look at me. I think... No, I knew. She could tell when I was trying to act tough. If it were a less serious matter, she'd have probably already cracked a stupid joke... but this was no laughing matter.

This could be the last time me and Aj ever got to talk to each other. It could be the last time we ever got to see each other. Realistically, this could be my last couple hours alive.

"Aj, I'm..." I hesitated.

Screw it, I need to be honest with her for once.

It might be the last chance I got to be, after all.

"I'm pretty scared." I sighed, wrapping my forelegs around myself. "Applejack... I'm... I'm really scared."

"Dash..." her voice was barely above a whisper. "Ya know ah've always been thuh most honest one outta us, so ah ain't gonna pull any punches."

"You know I'd never expect you to."

"That's rich, comin' from ya, Dash," she chuckled.

"That I'm scared or-"

"That yer scared," she got onto the table with me, sitting with her back against mine. "Ah'm not sure if yer dense, or if yer just purposely tryin' tuh avoid thuh truth."

"You know I love running from that crap," I lifted my hind legs onto the table, wrapping my forelegs around them.

"There ain't no escapin' it, Dash. Fear, ah mean. Not in this world. Not anymore." She was getting bolder, more loud. "Now, ah don't know how much ya need tuh hear, but ah'm gonna give it to ya straight. Uh heapin' helpin' of the truth and yer gonna sit there and listen tuh me."

"Ugh, you're gonna lecture me?" It may have sounded like it was the last thing I wanted, but Aj was really smart, especially when it came to junk like this. If anything I needed to hear her out. I needed to hear what she had to say.

"If ya wanna look at it that way sure. Uh big long lecture," she shoved her back against mine playfully. "Y'know we give Twilight so much guff fer runnin' herself ragged, but... but yer just as bad, Rainbow."

"W-WHAT!?" I turned my head to look at the mare, but she kept her face locked forward. "How can you say I'm anything like that egghead?"

"That egghead is thuh only reason we're all still alive, Dash," she didn't sound offended or mad, but there was a tinge of irritation in her voice.

"You know I didn't mean it like that," I groaned. I was just as grateful to Twilight as anyone else. Probably even moreso, I just couldn't see how I was screwing myself over like she was.

"Twilight is stubborn, but at least she tries tuh listen tuh her friends. But you," she paused. "Yer as hard headed as a mule."

What the heck is that supposed to mean?

"So what, I don't listen to you guys? I'm some kind of jerk that just does whatever she wants!?" Aj had a way of pressing my buttons, but generally when she did, it was for my improvement. Usually, I just had to figure out how.

"No, ya don't. And yes, ya always have been, Dash," she stated simply. I waited for the punchline. I waited for her to laugh and say she was just joking with me, but as second by agonizing second dragged on I realized she'd meant what she'd said.

"That is a hell of a thing for you to say to me, Aj," I kind of felt like punching her in the face, but she was going somewhere with this. She had to be.

"Ya don't know what it's like, Rainbow." She was right, I had no idea what it was like. I didn't even know what "it" was. "Ya've always been impulsive and reckless, even before thuh Loss, but things're different now. Much different. Ya almost died Rainbow! Tain't thuh first time neither. Do ya know how many times me an Rare have sat up at night worryin' about ya? And not just us two neither. Pinkie is this close," she held up a hoof. "Tuh goin' full Pinkamena Diane, Dash. Every time ya get called to another scuffle she just about does."

"Aj, I-"

"Ah AIN'T finished, Dash," she declared with such ferocity I clamped my mouth shut. "Fluttershy has tuh watch ya get hurt every single time ya decide tuh fight. Can ya even fathom how terrible that must be fer her? Starlight has to patch ya up, or do some crazy mad scientist crap like this surgery just tuh get ya back tuh a somewhat normal condition. Twilight..." I could feel her body slump at mentioning the lavender alicorn. "Yer one of thuh primary reasons Twi is so... crazy."

"You actually blame me for that?" I jumped off of the table, spinning around to face her, my anger finally getting the best of me. "Twilight's always been crazy! What makes any of this my fault?"

"Dash..." She didn't move for a while, uncomfortably fidgeting with her hat before putting it back atop her head. She got off the table too, turning to face me, her eyes filled with conviction. "Do ya honestly think Twi can handle much more of this? Ya've seen how bad she's gettin'. How many pills ya think she's taking tuh stay on her hooves now? How many more times ya think she can face ya almost dyin' before she completely loses it?"

"I don't-" She wasn't listening or even waiting for me to answer. She trotted around the table to stand closer to me. She was done with being polite, the anger she was clearly trying to contain boiling over as she started shouting.

"DASH, SHE'S KILLIN' HERSELF!" she grabbed me roughly by the shoulders, yelling directly in my face.

"YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT!?" I pushed her as hard as I could, sending her backwards a few feet. "WHY DO YOU THINK I CONFRONTED HER IN FRONT OF EVERYONE!?"

"AND YA STILL INSIST ON TORMENTIN' HER!?" she was back on me in an instant, her enhanced legs propelling her toward me faster than my eyes could track.

"Wha- WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?" There was no point in shoving her back again. She'd be prepared this time, and when Aj planted her hooves nothing was going to make her budge.

"YER NO DIFFERENT THAN SHE IS, DASH!" she shook me, her forehead slamming against mine before she pulled away. "OUR SAFETY AIN'T YER RESPONSIBILITY! YA DON'T GOTTA DO EVERYTHIN' YERSELF!"

I... I do though. I can't let them get hurt. I have to protect them... All of them.

"Aj... there isn't anyone else." I slumped over, my own words draining any remaining vigor I might've had from my body.

"Ah'm here fer ya, Dash," she pressed her forehead against mine, gently this time. "Ah've always been here."

It was an enticing prospect. It always had been, but there was just one thing, one possibility that I could never get around, one I could never get out of my head. One that always haunted my nightmares.

"Aj... what am I supposed tell them if something happens to you? What do I tell them if you die?" She didn't relent, but her head lowered a fraction. "What am I supposed to tell Rarity?"

"Sugarcube..." she wrapped her forelegs around me. "Ya tell em thuh truth. Ya tell her thuh truth. Ya tell em that ah died fer em... and that ah love em."

"A-Aj..." I hugged her back.

"Ah'm beggin' ya, Dash... please. Just let me help ya."

N-no way...

I could hear her sniffling, trying to stave off the tears. "Ah know yer worried about us. Ah... ah know we ain't as good as you are, b-but... please? If not fer me t-then at least fer Twi?"

Hearing her cry when she hardly ever did. Feeling her body shake as the sobs came. I think I finally understood her. We all wanted the same thing. We all wanted to keep each other safe.

Who am I to take that away from them?

"Okay, Aj. I get it," I sighed. "As soon as I get done with this crap, I'll lean on you guys more," I squeezed her.

"Ya swear?" she squeezed back.

"Yeah."

"Pinkie?" She chuckled and I did right along with her.

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

Whaaaat the heck?

I was standing alone in the middle of Canterlot, the normally bustling city around me a shadow of its former self. No matter which direction I looked, there was only endless death and destruction. Bodies were strewn about the streets, as if they were common refuse that'd lost their usefulness and gotten tossed to the wayside.

It was all a far cry from the last time I'd been here with my friends. When we rescued Celestia and Luna the riots were barely starting up, but the city was still in a somewhat decent state.

There definitely wasn't this much devastation then.

I flapped my wings, ascending into the air before I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

"Rainbow! We gotta get movin'! They're in thuh throne room!" The orange mare was already far ahead of me, galloping toward the castle.

"Applejack, what's-" she was already out of my line of sight and most likely couldn't hear me anymore. I darted in the direction of the castle as fast as my wings would carry me. Strangely enough, I couldn't catch up to the earth pony for some reason.

There were no guards or gates as I made my way to the castle. There weren't even doors on the castle itself as I made my way inside. There were only bodies.

So many bodies... Is this really what happened after we left?

Had we left so many to die? I couldn't focus on that right now. I had to find AJ.

The massive doors to the throne room were shut tight, forcing me to come to a stop.
I landed several feet away from them, absolutely baffled as to why my friend would close them behind herself. I hadn't seen her on the way here, so she had to be inside.

But why would she...

I took a careful step towards the entrance. Then another. As I drew closer, I could hear the wailing of countless creatures growing louder from the other side of the doors. It was freaky as l heck and if Aj hadn't said they were inside I'd have ran like my life depended on it.

But they were in there. I could feel it in my bones and I couldn't abandon them. I could never abandon them. Just as my hoof was about to make contact with the doors they screeched open by themselves, the loud groaning of their hinges drowning out all other sounds.

Once they were fully open I scanned the dark hall, ready to move at a moment's notice if need be. It was too dark to see properly, though there were tinges of green glowing light speckling the room in many different areas. I could only see about five feet in front of myself before the darkness prohibited any further vision. It smelled awful inside, a scent I was all too familiar with after all the years of fighting I'd done. The acrid smell hung in the air like a noxious cloud nearly making me retch.

"A-Aj?" I called out into the throne room, but there was no reply even after I waited several minutes. "G-girls?" I took a shot in the dark, but waiting another few minutes confirmed I was alone.

Where the heck are you, Applejack?!

I cautiously walked into the throne room, so slowly, so deliberately, it was almost like I wasn't moving at all. The silence was deafening and the smell was suffocating, but there was someone in here who needed me, I could feel it.

Step by agonizing step echoed loudly in the room, the only sound other than my heavy breathing. I wasn't tired, wasn't even scared, it was just so darn hard to breathe with that nauseating smell.

As I drew nearer to Celestia and Luna's thrones another quiet sound gradually swelled into a much louder noise. It was a wet, slapping at first, but quickly became crunchy, like a dog chewing on a bone. The horrible noise coupled with the nauseating scent was becoming unbearable. Still, I trudged forward, insistent on helping the victims I knew were here.

"Applejack?" I don't know why I called out her name again as I tiptoed toward the dark figure in front of the thrones.

It's not Aj... She was never here.

The thing's head was inches from the floor, apparently searching or smelling around for something. It was as big as Celestia with a black and undulating coat. Its exterior was a lot like the Pony of Shadows, but more jagged and distorted, if that were even possible.

At my call, its head snapped to attention to face me. It hadn't been searching or sniffing. Something dropped out of its maw and fell to the floor with a moist thunk. Its glowing green eyes narrowed on me, sending a chill down my spine. Even more terrifying was its grin. Jagged rows of razor sharp teeth shimmered in the green glow, forcing me back a step.

In the blink of an eye, it was gone, possibly making a hasty retreat because I'd interrupted its meal. Whatever had happened, I was glad it was gone... but I was curious.

What was it eat-

Stepping up to the pile of mush I could finally make out exactly what it was.

I should've just left.

It was... horrible. A bunch of bloody legs, wings, horns, and other limbs were littered around. Even heads were covering the floor, mostly from ponies, but a few pieces of other creatures as well. I couldn't handle the sight, or the smell, my stomach immediately emptying itself of its contents all over the floor.

No way...

I heaved as more vomit left my mouth. I could see a dragon maaaaybe eating ponies, but even they were a bit more civilized than that. Whatever that thing was, it was disgusting.

Once I'd slightly recovered from the strain of losing my lunch, I took a deep breath to somewhat settle my nerves. I was acutely aware of the despicable place I was still standing in and I needed to get of it.

It's... It's time to leave.

I took a trembling step backward and immediately lost my balance on something that hadn't been there seconds ago, sending me sprawling to the filth covered floor with a wet thud. I rubbed my head with a hoof, looking about myself for the culprit that had caused my fall.

"N-no... NO!" It couldn't be. I felt even more sick than I had a second ago, but there was nothing left in my stomach to expel. The tattered brown hat looked to have been shredded by some feral animal.

It's just her hat! She's fine! She wouldn't get-

"She... is... dead..." A slow droning voice boomed through the throne room. I looked around for the source but came up emptyhooved. "There... is... no... escape..."

"Escape?" I growled, standing back to my hooves. "ESCAPE!?" I roared into the darkness. "I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE, YOU MONSTER! I'M GONNA HUNT YOU DOWN AND RIP OFF YOUR HEAD!"

All my bravado and rage was pointless. I didn't see the monster latch onto my wings, but I felt the searing pain surge through my withers and into my torso. I couldn't move an inch, the sensation of my wings being torn out of my body paralyzing.

The pain was so unbearable I couldn't even scream, my mouth wide with horror but no sound proceeding from it. The sound was the same, just like before as my limbs were gradually torn out.

As the endeavor became too much for me to bear, the room began to glow a bright white. Or was it my vision giving out? Either way, with a final harsh tug, I felt the bones leave my body as the blinding light overtook my senses...

++++++++++++++++++++++++++

"...inb..."

"R...bo..."

My head felt like there was a jackhammer inside of it and the stupid voice that wouldn't leave me alone wasn't helping one bit.

"Rainbow?"

I opened my eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the bright light above me. The Lights were standing over me, Star looking like she'd just been throwing up and Twilight wiping tears from her face.

"Not gonna lie. That... sucked," I groaned. I hadn't been strapped down, but the pain combined with the slight remaining numbness from the drugs made it impossible for me to move anyway.

"Good to see you're okay," Twilight smiled.

"We lost you there for a bit," Starlight chuckled before looking at one of the screens next to her.

"Sure felt like it..." I laughed, but the jolt of pain sent ricocheting through my body ended that mirth quickly.

"Come on, I know you're a lot tougher than that," Twilight softly stroked my mane with her hoof. For some reason, it felt especially good.

"Everything is looking normal," Starlight returned her attention to me. "I think it's safe to say the procedure was a success." She looked positively thrilled. "Now we just have to give you some time to recover and we'll be able to see if the Hard-light has taken to your body."

"S-sounds good," I smiled. It was over... for now.

"Get some rest. Okay, Dash?" Twilight bent her head down and gave me a quick peck on the forehead before pressing a button on another machine.

"You... bet." I could barely finish my sentence as liquid heaven flooded my veins. Despite the feeling of euphoria all I could think of as I lost consciousness was the dark entity that had plagued my dream.