A Guide To Dating The Princess of Friendship
Rule One of Dating The Princess of Friendship; Do Not Poke The Bear
SFW CHAPTER
Poking the bear is a term in reference to provoking someone intentionally (and sometimes unintentionally) often with the intention of gaining some kind of reaction or result. This... isn't something you want to try with Twilight Sparkle. Twilight spent many a night studying within her library, illuminated only by her horn in the dead of the eve. She'd often regret these late-night sessions, awakening the next morning (if she slept at all) and finding herself utterly exhausted. Despite these sessions being her own choice, she always seemed sour regardless, and if you were unlucky enough to get on her bad side, you'd have hell to pay. Anon, was well aware of this.
He'd taken the brunt of many of these unfortunate mornings, unknowingly taking the last pancake, or hogging the blanket in his sleep. It didn't matter the intention of his transgressions, she would be angered nonetheless. This morning was no different. She'd remained up far into the night, and by the time she'd turned in, the sun may as well have already risen. Needless to say, rising from bed together was tense enough, and the breakfast table? Well, what was there to say? It was... uncomfortable, and unfortunately, he accidentally did the one thing he always made a point not to do. He poked the bear.
"Nonny... where's my mug?" Twilight asks, her tone quiet but with an air of irritability.
Anon's body froze. He'd done something awful. He'd done something dreadful. And with the question ringing in his ears, it was all that he could focus on. His frozen form grew even more rigid when Twilight noticed his tense silence, and her quiet tone turned to audible annoyance.
"Anon. Where is my mug?" She'd ask once more, this time staring daggers into Anon's back, as he stood frozen by the kitchen counter.
"Uhhh..." He gulped audibly as the realization hit him, his eyes slowly drifting down towards his hands, a specific mug clenched tightly in his grasp, with a piping hot cup of coffee poured within.
Anon felt a certain force upon the mug, and his body seemed to unwillingly twist around slow and steady, magical energy flickering around his form as his fillyfriend forced him to face her. The fury in her eyes was blazing, as she scanned him for the item of her desire. The item in question, while seeming of little consequence, was endlessly valuable to her. It was a ceramic mug that at first, appeared unremarkable. However, there was a specific thing about it that she cherished. It just so happened to have a particular print upon it, that shined with color and sparkled like magic. This print, was an image of Celestia herself. That's right. One of the most powerful creatures within Equestria, a royal through and through with magical talent at the level of a prodigy among prodigies, was full of rage and heat so intense it could blow away a million Windigos because of one thing; A cup. She was a certified fangirl. Or, fanfilly.
For as long as the two had been together, you'd think Anon would remember to keep his mitts off the mug, and yet today his judgement falters. Twilight's eyes narrowed, the bags under them from lack of sleep emphasized by her new stress. For the next few minutes, Anon would find himself being brought right back to his school days, feeling as though he was being lectured by a teacher for misbehaving. He found himself sitting on his knees on the kitchen floor, simply needing to take it as his lover stormed back and forth in front of him, venting out her frustrations like a four-course meal of grumpiness.
"I get one thing; ONE thing in this palace that I don't let ANYONE touch, and what do you do? You TOUCH it. You always do this, every morning I swear it is ALWAYS something with you, I just can't catch a BREAK!"
Twilight of course, didn't really mean any of these things. Exaggeration was an understatement of draconic proportions, but in the sleepy state she was in, he could hardly blame her. It happened pretty often, and more often than not, she'd be apologizing profusely to him within minutes. But this time... it didn't happen.
The first hour passed, and so far, she'd said nothing further to him. An hour turned to two, then three, then they'd reached past noon, and she was still yet to utter a single word. This was... weird, not just because of her usual, somewhat enthusiastic chattiness being absent, but because for the first time in a long time, she seemed genuinely upset with him. And it was all over a cup? Anon's worry grew throughout the day, each cold shoulder or pouty huff spiking his anxiety just a tiny bit.
Eventually, he felt that he'd left it long enough, and it was time to address the issue, lest it go unresolved. Searching the castle top to bottom, he'd undoubtedly find her in the least surprising place imaginable; the library. She seemed to have droned her way in, and slumped down over a book, her eyes lazily scanning the page. Left, to right. Left, to right. She seemed to droop quite a bit as she did so, occasionally dipping her head down in sleepiness, only to have it quickly shoot back up again, as she gazed back to her book. It was... sort of adorable, watching her try so hard no to fall asleep. But at the same time, it did little to ease his worries. The moment he made his presence known, Twilight did her best to improve her disposition, and put on a tough facade. Pretending she wasn't tired at all, she gazed up at him, and pouted, her ears pinning back as she did her best "I'm grumpy" face. Yet again, it would have been cute if it didn't come from genuine hurt. Anon's eyebrows raised in her direction, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway of the library.
"You still upset with me, Twi'?"
Twilight refused to give him a direct response, instead choosing make turn her head away from him, making an audible "hmph" as she did so. She clearly wanted him to hear that, and it emphasized just how annoyed she really was with him. Was this really all over a mug? He doubted that.
"C'mon, talk to me. What's bothering you? Is it the mug still?"
Twilight still refused to answer him, keeping her grumpy expression firm upon her little face. A sudden rumble from her stomach ruined her tough exterior however, and after it earned a playful smirk from Anon, she promptly removed him from the room. Using her magic, Anon felt his feet lift off the ground, as he was forcibly spun around much like he was earlier, and pushed outside the room, the door slamming shut behind him. However, now he knew how to get to her. She hadn't eaten today, and perhaps, he could use this to his advantage. Snacks would be the saving grace of today, he was certain of it. And if not, well... he had no idea. He'd have to wing it, he supposed.
He'd disappear for a few moments, returning to the door with due haste with various goodies wrapped up in his arms, ready to be used for this masterful coercion. Sitting down outside the door, with his legs crossed and the assorted snacks placed between his legs, Anon tapped his knuckles against the wooden surface, and called out to Twilight.
"Twiiiii, you uh... you hungry?"
Twilight did not respond immediately, remaining silent presumably for the sake of retaining her tough, grumpy appearance. Anon would not be discouraged however, and continued on with his master plan.
"I'm only asking cos', I've got some snacks here. You know... chips... cookies... strawberry swirl ice cream..."
Twilight did not respond to the first two snacks, clearly not convinced. However... at the mention of ice cream... the door slowly creaked open just a tad, as the various snacks stuck between his legs floated into the air, and into the room, coated in a purple aura. He chuckled softly to himself as the snacks disappeared into the library, and the quiet sounds of nibbling and slurping could be heard, likely the ice cream being devoured immediately. He'd come to learn that when it came to her favorite foods, she went absolutely rabid. Then again, most ponies seemed to. For as small as they were, their appetites came to surprise him every day. Hell Twilight regularly outclassed him at dinner, not that he minded. As far as he was concerned, it just meant nothing went to waste. He waited a few moments more, giving Twilight a minute or two to enjoy her food, before finally speaking up once more.
"Sooo... can I come back in?"
The silence continued for a few moments more, before the door once again, opened. Peaking around the door and into the library, Anon spotted his purple-coated lover sat in the same place as she was before, however with a blanket thrown over her form, keeping her actual body hidden. A chuckle escaped him, as he witnessed her quickly swipe a hoof out from the blanket, grabbing onto the bag of chips she'd been yet to nibble on, and pulling it in with her. The snacks had brokered a temporary ceasefire, and he'd use it to his advantage as best he could.
"So, care to tell me your troubles, oh grumpy, wise-one?"
He'd prod, sitting himself down beside her, his legs crossed tightly together. She lifted the blanket up for a moment, revealing only her eye to her human companion, and grumbling out a vague non-response.
"Mm... things..."
"My, how descriptive."
Twilight mumbled to herself unintelligibly at his reaction, and stuck her head back out from under the blanket, looking up at him with that same, pouty little face.
"I just... I'm tired, I'm annoyed... lots of stuff all at once, you know...?"
A small huff escaped her, as she crossed her front legs and rested her head upon them, thinking deep about what she had to say next.
"Between saving Equestria every other week, meeting with the Princesses, the Elements, and Celestia-knows what else, I'm just... overwhelmed. I guess that... damn mug pushed me over the edge, sorry about that..."
Twilight buried her face into her legs, whining and whimpering to herself somewhat, clearly feeling that twinge of guilt he suspected she was waiting on. A sigh escaped Anon's lips, as he brought his hand up to her head, and planted it there gently, scratching behind her ears in reassurance.
"It's all good Twi. I get you've been all kinds of stressed lately. But, we really gotta talk about your sleeping habits. You're barely getting enough sleep these days, and it's clearly taking it's toll. You gotta find a consistent schedule."
Twilight's ears twitched and flicked at the feeling of Anon's fingers scratching against them, and she looked up at him with a much less pouty, more somber look. Once again, if the feelings weren't so negative, he'd say she looked adorable.
"I know I know... I just get immersed sometimes, you know? It always feels so productive."
"Hmm, well it isn't after the fact, is it? If you don't get enough sleep, you won't be able to focus as well, or make big, important decisions. Not super productive, is it?"
A brief sigh escaped her lips, as she shuffled a little closer to Anon, and rested her head upon his lap.
"I guess not."
"Exactly. Now, think you're about ready to get back to bed? My schedule is pretty clear for the day so, I don't mind spending it napping with you. If... you want me to join you, of course."
Twilight nuzzled slightly into Anon at that, chuckling to herself just a small bit. She leaned up from her spot on his lap, and placed a soft peck upon his cheek, nodding in affirmation.
"I'd love it if you joined me, Nonny."
Anon smirked just a bit, and pulled his Pony love closer to his form. Once satisfied with her proximity, he swept her up from the ground, and into the air, earning a yelp from her as he carried her in his arms.
"Well, shall we be off then, Princess?"
Twilight's face reddened softly, and nestled into his arms further. She looked up to him with a timid smile, and simply nodded.
"We shall."
Anon's smirk widened, and with her affirmation, he began to wander from the library, still holding her tightly in his arms. He wandered through the halls of the palace, venturing past each corridor and room with a single destination in mind; Their bedroom. It'd taken some time for the two to officially share a room, after all it was quite an... intimate thing. Sharing a room... a bed... it showed how close they're truly become over time. And in times like this, it was awfully convenient. Pushing the door open with his foot as best he could, Anon trudged into the room, being careful not to accidentally bump her head against the doorway. Once inside, Anon practically threw himself at the bed, flopping upon the mattress with his lover atop him, an audible squeak escaping her in response to the fall. Twilight adjusted herself atop him, resting her head upon his chest, as her legs splayed out somewhat and wrapped around him. His own hands found themselves gently planted upon her hips and back, the two engaging in a passionate cuddle. Their blanket glowed for a moment with a purple hue, pulling over their forms and wrapping it around them.
"Ahhh... That's... better..."
Anon chuckled at her clear satisfaction, and leaned up to her face, planting a soft kiss upon her forehead. Twilight giggled just a little at the kiss, and placed her hooves upon the sides of his head, leaning in oh so close, but not quite kissing him.
"You're not gonna kiss me properly, Nonny?"
As confident as she tried to seem, Twilight's blushy cheeks and shy expression made her timid nature clear. Now, for the first time all day, he could finally say without hesitation that she was utterly adorable. Just so, impossibly cute. Anon's hands moved from her hips up to her face, and much like how she held his face, he held her, smooshing her little cheeks and pulling her in close, their lips planting firmly onto one another. They were soft, and just like he'd done a million times now since their relationship began, he ensured that it came with the upmost passion. He adored her, and in times like this, he wanted her to know that he would never leave her. He would be here with her until his end, no matter what happens. He loved her, and that wouldn't change. Eventually, their lips pulled away from each other, and before Anon could verbalize his thoughts, Twilight did so for him.
"I um... I love you, Nonny."
Anon's usual smirk turned to a genuine smile, as he wrapped his arms around her, and felt his heart flutter.
"I love you too, Twi. Now get some sleep."
The two adjusted their position, Twilight sliding off of his chest, and flopping beside him. Wrapped in their blanket as comfortable as can be, and with a plentiful serving of affection for the two of them, bedtime seemed to have arrived for the two of them. Twilight's eyes closed as she fell into the land of unconsciousness, and soon after, Anon would follow suit, as they drifted into loving, and deep sleep.
Author's Note
First chapter, woooop! This is just a simple little one to start us off. I don't really have a lot more to say than that, but I hope this was ok! I know I'm not the best writer, haha. Feel free to give me some ideas and thoughts!
A Guide To Dating The Princess of Friendship
Fairground Theatrics (Part One)
Rule Two of Dating The Princess of Friendship; Avoid Fairground Theatrics
Part One
SFW CHAPTER
Date night was the pinnacle of Anon's week. It was the one day of the week that without fail, guaranteed him and Twilight would be able to spend time together. You'd think that living together would leave them plenty of time for cuddling and general couple stuff, however you'd be wrong. Twilight herself had an incredibly busy schedule, as you'd expect from her status as effective royalty. From various assorted speeches, running the school of friendship, solving friendship problems across Equestria and wider Equis as a whole, hell the list just goes on and on. While Anon's schedule was... a bit more humbling, it was busy nonetheless. Being one of the only residents of Ponyville with dexterous fingers (with the exception of Spike and... sometimes Pinkie Pie, apparently), he was pretty useful for general handyman jobs. In conjunction with his height, being that he damn near doubled most of the Ponies in height, he made for quite the versatile helper. The only Pony he'd ever met who was taller than him was Celestia herself, and even then they were still more or less eye-level. Anon kept his days busy with various little tasks, such as helping with apple bucking at Sweet Apple Acres, decorating cakes at Sugarcube Corner, or even just fixing somepony's clock or door. It wasn't much, but it was a good bit of extra bits in his pockets, and made him feel just a little less like a freeloader.
He'd come to quite the conundrum lately though. Each date they went on thinned their options just a little. He liked to keep things new and exciting for Twilight, and they rarely went to the same place twice. She of course wouldn't care if they did, after all Twilight wasn't exactly picky or hard to please, but he still felt like that bit of extra effort on his part was important. If nothing else, it at least helped in demonstrating that he was more than willing to put in just as much for this relationship as she was. While it'd grown particularly difficult to find new things lately considering how small Ponyville is, he'd found something he thought worked well enough; the Fair. From the moment he'd heard of it, all he could do was linger upon the concept in his mind, imagining each and every possible scenario that he could possibly come up with. He'd watched... maybe a few too many romantic comedies in his past life on Earth. However, he couldn't deny that they provided plenty of good ideas.
"Ummm... Anon, are you sure about this..?" Twilight asked, the side of her barrel unusually close to Anon's hip. She seemed almost glued to him as she asked the question, with a somewhat shaky tone in her voice. Despite this however, Anon seemed stuck the whimsy dream that was his imagination, and thinking about how romantic this would be seemed to be clouding his judgement. As such, he didn't seem to pick up on her hesitation, and responded with complete and oblivious enthusiasm.
"Hell yeah! Honestly finding out you Ponies had travelling Fairs too was one of the most exciting tid bits of info I've picked up since I arrived. They kinda died a little back home, so it's awesome they're a little more popular here." He began to ramble to himself in a manner Twilight herself was awfully familiar with, largely because she herself did the same thing on the regular. It was one of the things that really tied them together though; their similarities. While not the same person by any means, the two of them shared many quirks that made them seem almost like a match made in heaven. Or, whatever the pony equivalent to heaven was, Anon hadn't exactly gotten that into the religious inner-workings of Equestria yet, although he'd be lying if he said he wasn't hoping there was a pony Jesus out there. Or, would that just be Celestia and Luna? Since they're... kinda Demi-Gods? Regardless, the point is him and Twilight had great chemistry, and understood each other on a fundamental level. That didn't make misunderstandings like this any easier though...
Twilight gazed up at the glowing bulbs upon the lettered entrance of the fair, taking in the sight before her. It was busy today, though perhaps not as busy as it would have been earlier in the day. This fair in particular was an all-nighter, likely to cater to any local Thestrals or potential ponies of more nocturnal persuasion. As such, Anon had decided to plan their evening around the fair for the sake of being more romantic, meaning that there were less and less ponies wandering about by the hour. If she listened carefully enough, she could surely hear the sounds of screaming and cheering from the mini roller-coaster on the far edge of the park. If she smelled the air well enough, she could likely smell the scent of popcorn, donuts and a plethora of sweets littered around the place. Finally, if she looked hard enough, she could certainly see the lights and colors flickering about the entire fair, brightening up the night sky. She couldn't deny, this seemed like it could be a fun night. But she was still... hesitant. Even so, Anon seemed so excited to go in, and he'd clearly been wanting to take her for a while. And with the mention of his home... maybe he'd feel less homesick if they gave it a try.
"Well... alright. Let's uh... let's have fun, kay' Anon?" Twilight said somewhat meekly, looking up at her coltfriend with a rather timid smile. Her timidness melted away in almost a second however, once she saw the pure joy on his face. She rarely saw him with so much excitement, he was usually pretty laid back unless you got him rambling, and yet he was practically smiling ear to ear. With the width of his smile, she could just about peak his sharp canines, a feature that always made her shiver just a little. Not necessarily because she was scared of him, but because it made her feel a sort of false sense of danger, and therein lies excitement. As such, she perked up a tiny bit, and trotted a few steps forward to enter the fair.
"Don't have to tell me twice." Anon practically skipped after her, barely containing his child-like excitement as they ventured inside. Anon's attention was grabbed in an instant, his eyes skimming over to the first game he saw. With speed Twilight would swear rivaled the Wonderbolts, Anon ran over to it, and Twilight trotted after. The game he'd picked seemed to be a sort of ring toss game, one of the ones where you had to get a ring around the neck of a bottle for a prize. Of course, these games were complete rip offs, he didn't imagine pony Carnies were much different from human ones, but that didn't concern Anon too much. The point wasn't to win, the point was just to enjoy the game! And besides, with the literal Element of Magic by his side, he was sure that it'd be impossible to lose! That was, until he noticed a sign on the back wall of the game. Written in bold, black lettering, it said; "NO MAGIC". Well, fuck.
The Earth Pony running the game gave the two a sly grin, a baseball cap shadowing his face from view. He had a sort of sleazy air about him, which Anon suspected was a universal trait of Carnies, regardless of the world they came from. They were scammers on Earth, and clearly scammers on Equis too. The pony leaned over the counter, and gestured to the various bottles laid out upon a tabletop, a ring spinning around his hoof.
"You two up fer' a toss?" He asked, with a voice that made him sound sort of like he'd been smoking for fifty years, despite seeming like he was a decently young adult. While Twilight found this questionable immediately, Anon didn't hesitate to toss a few bits the pony's way, which they scrambled to actually catch for a minute.
"How many tosses do I get for that?" Anon asked, bouncing on the balls of his feet as he awaited the answer. As he awaited it however, he noticed something about the game; it was god easy. On Earth, everybody obviously has dexterous fingers, making the grasping of objects and throwing of them far easier. However, in Equestria, dexterous hands were quite a rarity. As such, the design of the game was a lot easier to deal with. The bottles seemed slimmer than usual, and the ring itself wider. This gave Anon a significant advantage in the game, though the Carnie hadn't noticed yet.
"Well it's... two... three... ok it's five bits, so that'll give ya three tosses. Here big fella'." The Carnie slid the bits under the counter, and pulled out three of the large rings, before handing them over to Anon. Anon spun the rings in his fingers for a second, examining them closely to check for any possible issues or alterations that would make the game harder than it seemed. Finding nothing however, Anon seemed content, and glanced over to the bottles. He took a moment to pick his target, before finally, tossing the first ring. With accuracy and dexterity likely unseen by any other pony, the ring circled about the top of the bottle, and in his first try, Anon had won the game. The Carnie's smirk faded from his face in an instant, especially as he saw Anon winding up for a second throw. With equal accuracy to the first, Anon threw yet another ring, and once again, easily got it around a bottle. Back home, this game would've been impossible. But here, Anon probably seemed like a god at it, even if it was just a nerfed version of the one he was used to. At this point, the Earth Pony was convinced that there had to be some kind of fowl play involved. Surely the Princess stood beside him was using her magic! Well, he'd never heard of a Princess of all people abusing their power in such a way, but he wouldn't say it's impossible. The pony raised an accusatory hoof, and spoke in a tone of clear frustration.
"Maybe y'all didn't read the sign? Ain't not magic allowed!" Anon gave the Earth pony a confused look, before glancing down at Twilight. She seemed to give him back an equally confused look, the two of them making eye contact with the Earth pony, unsure exactly what he was referring to. Deciding to demonstrate the lack of fowl play, Anon threw his last ring, and like the previous two, easily got the ring around the neck of the bottle. Gesturing a hand towards the ring, Anon looked back to the Carnie, with a genuine look spread across his face.
"No magic, see? Just pure elbow-grease and dexterity." Twilight seconded his statement with an affirmative nod, raising up a hoof to her horn, and tapping upon it as best she could.
"My horn didn't glow or anything, and neither did the ring, so I'm... not really sure how we could've cheated." She exclaims, seemingly a tad less patient than Anon, an irritated tone subtle but present in her voice. She wasn't nearly as protective as somepony like Applejack, or Rainbow Dash, but Twilight did have a bit of a raw spot when it came to people targeting her coltfriend. It was a side of her she didn't even really know existed before she met him, but it seemed to come out more often than she'd expected. Then again, considering her lover was a literal one of a kind alien who didn't exactly fit most pony's idea of... well, a pony, it was pretty easy for him to be singled out, and as such, she found herself losing her temper with rude ponies more often than she'd have liked. Still, she'd found no reason to lose her cool completely. Not just yet. She'd see how the Carnie responded, and react accordingly. Unfortunately for him, he reacted with anger.
"Don't try n' play me filly. Princess or not I know a cheater when I sees' one, and this... whatever ya' are, is a bonefied cheat! There's no way y'all managed to get three rings in a row without chea-" The Pony's words were cut off by a stern glare Twilight seemed to be giving him. Anon hadn't noticed the look, and Twilight was thankful for it, she'd rather he didn't see her like this. With a fire in her eyes that made the Earth pony convinced she must've had some Kirin blood in her, Twilight needed to say nothing, instead only spreading her wings just a small bit, and flashing the glow of her horn.
"So what prize do ya' want?" With a smile completely alien to Anon, and an energy about him that just screamed trustworthy, the Carnie pointed to an array of prizes, both in plush format and plastic action. Riddled in confusion, Anon glanced back down to Twilight, seeing nothing but the cutest, most innocent little smile he's ever seen, as she looked up at him with closed eyes.
"Well, Nonny? Which prize do you want?" She asks, an especially sweet tinge in her voice. Anon couldn't help but have his concerns slip away, as an equally loving smile spread across his own lips, and he planted a hand upon her head, scratching gingerly behind her ears. She let out a soft hum of content as he did so, and Anon looked back to the Carnie. Taking a moment to think, he pointed up to a large plush that had caught his eye. The plush was at least eighty percent the size of Twilight herself, though of course, Anon would have no difficulty carrying it. It seemed to be a black and yellow dragon, with a little felt forked tongue and wings on the back. Without hesitation, the Carnie removed the plush from the assortment behind him, and handed it over to Anon rather quickly. So quick in fact, Anon was almost startled. Once it was handed over, the Carnie very quickly sat back on his haunches, and gave the two a friendly wave, his eye twitching slightly as he spoke.
"Well done, Sir! E-Enjoy your prize! You... earned it." He seemed to hesitate at that last bit, but Anon didn't linger on it too long, instead flashing him a smile in return, and waving back. After all, he had a big ol' dragon plushy now, what reason would he have to be upset still? Oh he was sure Spike would LOVE this thing.
"Thanks dude! Appreciate it!" Anon turned and began to trot away with Twilight in toe, though she did glance back at the Carnie one final time, and shot him another glare of contempt. The Earth pony remained smiley until the two had completely walked off, before promptly collapsing onto his back, and letting out a loud groan. A few moments later, a Unicorn couple wandered up to the counter, leaning over and looking at him in minor confusion.
"Um... hey, think we could get a toss or two-"
"NO."
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Author's Note
Sorry this is yet again such a short chapter! I had another 3K words written out on my laptop, and unfortunately, I stepped on it by accident and broke it today soooo… uhh, I lost that 3K, and now have to write on my phone. So, sorry about that, I know it makes the chapter feel a bit shitter. Sorry 😭🥲
