TotalBiscuit and Jesse Cox go to Equestria

The sun was shining as the UK's number 1 gaming commentator loaded up his computer. He pondered his thought about the upcoming episode of Terraria and cringed at the thought of filming yet another two videos with that insufferable Jesse Cox and immediately got off the subject and thought about the newest WTF Is video he had to film, but unfortunately he could only find sub-par indie titles on steam. He logged into his Email and found only one message that was sent by a user named Discord. After seeing the peculiar message he opened it up and read through it .

Dear Totalbiscuit

I am a big fan of your video's and I have provided you a link to a new game by yours truly for a WTF Is called Equestrian Strategy Simulator, and I thought about how much you hate Jesse Cox so that is why I gave you the link, so you can put out one video with him instead of two episodes of Terraria, your fans will maybe be in an uproar but at least they'll get a video, and I forgot to tell Jessie so you will have to tell him yourself Thank you for your time.

~Discord

He thought about the message and how the new WTF Is video will not be overdue, and how he could just film one video instead of two video's with Jessie. Some of his fans would be mad but after not putting up a video of Terraria in three months, he figured his fans could wait another week as he messaged Jesse about the idea over Twitter and provided the link to the mysterious game. Totalbiscuit clicked the link to the game and found the MediaFire download, but soon found out there was no real trailer or any info on the game, just the download. He started to have second thoughts about the game, but this was his best bet for today and he already sent Jesse the link and messaged him, so there was no going back now. He downloaded the game and a vortex appeared in the middle of his computer screen

"What the Christ!" he said as he was getting sucked into his computer screen

He was halfway through his computer screen when he started to hear another familiar voice

"Oh God, Oh God, Oh God!" the other voice screamed

"Jesse!? Is that you?" TB asked.

"TB, where are you TB?" Jesse said

Totalbiscuit was sucked completely through his computer screen and was flying forward through the vortex when Jessie Cox emerged from out of nowhere

"What the hell is going on TB?" Jesse said as he started to tear up.

"How am I supposed to know what is going on?" TB said

"Why are we in a vortex?" Jesse asked again

"I don't know you sodding idiot, now explain to me how I was unfortunate enough to be stuck with you." TB said

"All I did was download a game you sent to me!" Jesse screamed

"W-wait you downloaded the game too."

"Yeah I clicked to link, downloaded and I got sucked through me computer screen and now we're here." Jesse said a little calmer

They were still flying through the portal until they saw an opening to a strange world. It was bright and colorful and there were no humans in sight, instead they saw strange technicolor creatures that couldn't be recognized because of how far away they were and they were hidden among many buildings and and trees from a nearby forest. The opening grew larger and larger until they were in this brand new world, and with that the portal disappeared into thin air as if it had never existed. They two flew towards the a forest, and TB landed right into a lake and Jesse landed face first into into the ground.

"Like why did I faceplant, I can't even breath." Jesse said trying to suppress a laugh even though he was in serious pain.

"You can't breath because you landed on the ground after going god knows how fast, of course you can't breath. Now get up, we need to find a way out of this forest and look for a nice little domicile." TB said as he got out of the lake.

Just then Jesse noticed a figure walking towards them when he got his head out the dirt. His vision was fuzzy but he discovered the the creature had the shape of a pony. It was yellow with a red mane, and it seemed to have a look of curiosity on its face.

"What the hell is that thing!?" Jesse screamed and pointed to the strange creature.

"What the Christ!" TB said as the strange creature walked cautiously towards the two.

Jesse looked around and grabbed a stick and ran towards the creature screaming as loud as he could. The strange creature quickly ran away but Jesse kept following it screaming at it until he was completely out of sight.

"Jesse, get back here!" TB called

But it was no use, Jessie was gone and now TB was left to fend for himself in the forest. TB proceeded the opposite direction Jessie went, one reason is that if that creature came from that direction, there was probably more, and he didn't want to be stuck with Jessie. As he continued through the forest he saw some light through the thick brush. Tb went right through it with no hesitation and in a short while he made it to the light source, and found that it was coming from a hut. TB entered the building and found an assortment of plants and masks all over the place, and in the middle of the room there was a bubbling cauldron, but no sign of anybody inside.

"Perfect I bet Jesse doesn't even have a house yet"

"Die Monster!" Jesse said as he was still flailing the stick while chasing the creature.

The chase had been going on for some while, and they had just made it out of the forest. Although he was getting tired, the creature was slowing down and Jesse was catching up. Just then the creature stopped and picked up a rock. It threw the rock and it hit Jesse right in the face. It proceeded to do this until Jesse fell to the ground completely out cold. Now the creature walked over to Jesse's unconscious body and started dragging him across the ground. Jesse was unconscious and TB was relaxing in a hut. The two were now trapped in the magical land of Equestria

Jesse awakens to the sound of people talking, but he was tied down and couldn't get a good view of his captors. From what he could see, he was inside some kind of building with a map of what looked like a town with X's marked across it.

"What should we do with it." the first voice said

"I don't know y'all." said the second voice

"What the... Why am I tied up." Jesse finally said

"It's awake It's awake." the third voice said

Jesse then found himself to be tied up and lifted up off the ground and put against the wall of the house. It was then that Jesse saw his captors. There were three of them. The first one was the yellow pony creature thing that he and TB saw. The second one was white with a pink and purple mane and it had a horn on its head. The final on was a orange one with wings and a purple mane.

"Aw, you so cute, you so cute." Jesse said

"Uh... Thanks." the white one said

"Oh my god, they talk, AHHHHH!"

"Um why are you screaming." the orange one said

"Sorry, it's just that I'm not used to seeing talking mutated horse things" Jesse said

"Hey, we're not mutated, we're ponies."

"Same difference." Jesse said under his breath. "Also, why am I tied up?"

"Well first off, you were chasing me around with a stick, and second, you were screaming "Die Monster" to me, so I started trowing rocks at you, then I dragged you here." The yellow one said

"Well I think we got off on the wrong leaf so let's start over, what do you say." Jesse said.

"But you were chasing me with a stick."

"That's besides the point, I'll start. Hi my name is Jesse."

"I'm Apple Bloom."

"I'm Scootaloo."

"I'm Sweetie Belle."

"I like those names, now why don't you untie me since we're such good friends now."

"No." the three ponies said

"That's a negatory good buddy." Jesse said

"Yes, that is a negatory." The three said

"What your going to do is come with us to see our friend Twilight." Sweetie said

"Wait like the book." Jesse said "Are we going to meet Edward."

"What are you talking about?" Scootaloo said

"We at least if I'm going to go with you three, at least do an Arnold Schwarzenegger voice." Jesse said laughing "Say I want to hear the lamentations of the women." Jesse said, doing his best Schwarzenegger impression.

"If we do that, can we go?"

"Yes."

"We want to hear lamentations of the women." the three fillies said,trying to imitate what Jesse refereed to as a Schwarzenegger voice

"HA HA HA HA, Okay let's go commanders."

"Finally" the three fillies said

"Wait, before we go, can I let you three in on a little fact?"

"I guess." Apple Bloom said

"This is a true fact." Jesse repeated "Florida had more cases of public masturbation than all of the US combined."

(I am sorry to everypony that lives in Florida, I just made a reference from a morning podcast with Jesse, or... well...this)

The three fillies' faces glowed red

"This conversation is taking a turn I was not expecting." Sweetie said

"Look, I just can't wait any longer, I have to do this now." Jesse said as he broke free from his ropes after slightly moving his body around

Jesse was dumbfounded

"You three really need to learn to tie your ropes correctly." Jesse said

"We have hooves, it's kind of hard to tie a... whatever you are up when you have hooves

"Anyway, as I was doing..." Jesse said putting his had to his crotch and making a certain hand gesture.

The three fillies' jaws were hanging as Jesse continued his little show

"It's just a bunch of dudes beating it... to Cheeseburger In Paradise... HAHAHHAHAHAHA!" Jesse said laughing

They three fillies were silent

"Girls, picture a bunch of dudes on a beach beating off, and suddenly... Cheeseburger In Paradise."

Apple Bloom turned around, her jaw still dropped, and grabbed a frying pan with her mouth.

"Just a word of warning, this might hurt a bit" Scootaloo said

"Goodnight everybody." Jesse followed up

The last thing Jesse felt was the sensation of the frying pan hitting his face multiple times. The three fillies tied him back up and waited for him to wake up again for some odd reason.

The three fillies then rolled Jesse to the opening to the tree house and rolled him down the ramp. Jesse rolled down the ramp until he bounced of it some how and landed into a red wagon. Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle got into the wagon with Jessie and Scootaloo connected her scooter to it.

"Can you please untie me, please I'll do anything."

"Wait... Anything." Sweetie said as a smile slowly crept onto her face. "Girls I have an idea."

"What is it" the other two fillies said

"Follow me." Sweetie said going back up into the tree house.

2 minutes later

"What took you three so long."

"We'll let you go, if you help us get our cutie marks." Sweetie said.

"Cutie what's" Jesse said.

The three fillies face hooved.

" When a pony discovers their special talent, a cutie mark appears on their flank." Scootaloo said

"So let me get this straight, when a pony discovers their purpose in life, a tattoo appears on their ass."

"Um... yes." Apple Bloom said.

"If that will get me out of here, then I'll do it." Jesse said

Apple Bloom then walked over to Jesse and untied him, and he got out of the wagon which was now broken from all of his weight.

"Okay, now let's get started." Sweetie said