Vlogs of an Ancient Insect

After her utter failure yesterday in bringing Opaline the Hope Lantern, Misty was feeling rather down in the dumps. Ever since Anon had invaded the castle to inflict a slew of absolutely ridiculous and somewhat childish pranks, her dark mistress had been in an extremely foul mood. The throne had been up there for nearly a week by this point, and there was still no indication that it was coming down. The only bright side was that she didn't force the clean-up upon her.

Worse still, Opaline had redirected her interest away from stealing the magical artefact belonging to Sunny Starscout, in favour of Hitch's baby dragon. It was one thing to steal an object, but could she really bring herself to steal an infant from its adoptive parent? Would I even be having such doubts if I hadn't spoken to Anon? What if she's right and I'm just being used?

Glancing at her phone, Misty bit her lip. She said she believes I'm a good pony, and that I could hang out with her if things got to be too much, she thought to herself. Hanging out with the changeling might help improve her mood, and it might even help de-stress Anon too, if her last video and the resulting home invasion were any indicator. Opaline would be so upset with her if she went out and came back with nothing... but they were running low on groceries again.

Without a second thought, she pulled over her phone. Her plan was to send the changeling a text message and then meet up with her. When she turned on the screen, however, she found a notification that Anon had released a new video on her channel. Immediately, she opened the app and found that the video was set on the stage in the Mane Melody salon.

"Good morning, Pippsqueaks!" Princess Pipp Petals pranced into view from behind the curtain. It caught the unicorn off guard, and she found herself checking to make sure it was the right channel. A moment later, she noticed that Pipp wasn't wearing her usual accoutrements, or even any sort of wing glitter. "A lot of you are probably asking yourselves, 'Wait, why is Pipp streaming on Anon's channel? Did they accidentally switch phones or something?'" She giggled, and then flew a little pirouette on the spot. "Well, ask yourselves no longer!"

From off-stage came another instance of Pipp's voice. "Anon, you said we weren't going to start with that bit!" The real Princess Pipp stepped up onto the stage and joined the imitation. "You promised!"

Anon, not shedding her disguise as the purple pegasus, fluttered her eyelashes at her friend. "Girl, you're lucky I'm not taking revenge for that whole 'Just kiss her already!' thing," she shot back in a flirty tone. "Imagine if I just went and slipped you the tongue on camera to get even... Imagine the scandal~!"

The princess' cheeks went scarlet, and she looked away. "I said I was sorry," was her frustrated response. "Besides, that's not why we're here."

With a nod, Anon looked back at the camera. "The Princess of Pop is right, that's not why we're here." When Pipp strayed too close to the impostor, the shape-shifting fiend reached over and dragged her into a wither to wither position. "We're here to talk about music."

The princess beamed at the camera. "You know it, gurl!" She draped one of her big fluffy wings over Anon's back and held up a remote. With the press of a button, a TV screen descended behind them. "Yesterday, I had a huge boost of inspiration, and recorded a new song."

It was Anon's turn to grin. "Back before I officially moved in to the Brighthouse, I was borrowing their shower," she explained with a shake of her head. "I may or may not have been singing one of her songs... In her voice."

With a giggle and an elbow nudge, she helpfully offered up, "It was the Pony Hip-Hop. And it got me thinking, recording harmonies can be a bit of a pain, and since she could perfectly replicate my singing voice from memory, I figured why not have her lend a helping hoof?"

With a cackle, Anon switched back to her own voice, but there was something off about it. "Boy, was she surprised when she found out I could do post-processing effects like auto-tune in real time." Pipp didn't even flinch when the changeling took on her pegasus form. In a sing-song voice, she sang, "Don't stop; make it pop! DJ, blow my speakers up! Tonight, I'ma fight 'til we see the sunlight! Tick-tock on the clock, but the party won't stop, no..."

With a surprised blink, the royal looked at her friend. "We'll have to talk about getting that song recorded later," she said in an even, slightly jealous voice, "but for now, introducing, 'Where'd It Go, featuring Anonymous Flicker.'"

On the screen behind them, a music video began to play. A moment later it flawlessly cut to full screen thirty second quickie music video featuring Princess Pipp and her three fanfilly Pippsqueaks acting out the solving of a mystery. The foals themselves were chanting "Oh, oh, where'd it go?" throughout.

Misty actually couldn't hear Anon singing at all at first. It was just Pipp singing, "Here we go, here we go~! We're not gonna stop 'til we find what we're missin'!" It wasn't until she listened closer that she realised there were actually two instances of the voice singing as one. "Where'd it go? Where'd it go? A perfect case for a private eye... I'm searching far and wide... So here we go, here we go! We're not gonna stop 'til we find what we're missin'!"

Despite the song being clearly based on a caper caused by her failure the previous day, she couldn't deny that it was catchy. She also knew from... research that when Pipp released a short like the one just shown on Anon's show, there would be a full digital release up within a day. Although Misty didn't get much spending money, she didn't mind showing some support of her... friends? Did she actually consider them all friends, or was it just a way she was making herself think in order to get Opaline's jobs done?

When the screen cut back to the view of Mane Melody, Anon and Pipp were lying on cushions on the stage. "So Anon, were you always musically talented?" Pipp asked, crossing her forehooves in front of her. "Or did you have to practice?"

The green and black pegasus-shaped changeling seemed to think about that. "I had... other skills in my first life, but when I became a pony, I started to appreciate the magic of song." There was a nostalgic look on her face when she spoke. "Music was super important in old Equestria, and all ponies had some degree of musical talent. I think it was the harmony magic to tell the truth. I don't have that in me anymore, but being a bug has its benefits.

"Part of being able to mimic voices and shapeshift is having complete control over my vocal folds," was how she explained it. "If I hear a voice, I can reproduce it. I suppose it does mean I have absolute pitch."

Pipp seemed to balk at the idea, and even Misty had to agree that seemed surprising. From everything Anon had told them with her blog, her talent was magic, not music, yet she was basically telling them now that she had most of the things needed to be a musical superstar. The only things she'd be missing would be passion and lyrical skill.

Just as Pipp seemed to be getting over Anon's claim, from off camera came the voice of the earth pony stylist. "Oh! Do you play any instruments?"

With a nod, Anon said quickly, "Piano, but it's been a while. I imagine my grand piano got destroyed with the Castle of Friendship."

Next came the pegasus stallion's voice. Rocky isn't it? "Did they have karaoke back in old Equestria?"

Misty wasn't sure if anypony in the salon there actually caught it, but there was a subtle glitch in the changeling's disguise. At first, she thought maybe the light had dimmed slightly, because Anonymous' appearance went a shade darker, and her eyes somewhat less lively. She even caught the tightening of her jaw.

Sucking in a deep breath, the bug queen shook her head and the brightness returned to her coat. "Although I occasionally went through a magic mirror to an alternate reality to go to karaoke bars with a friend by the name Sunset Shimmer when I was old enough to drink, we didn't have it in Equestria." She looked momentarily sad. "It took way too long for me to even be able to think about karaoke without being reminded of things I had to do to survive in my first life."

It was quite obvious as they diverted into discussing Anon's new look that much of the remaining time slot was dedicated to advertising Mane Melody and the princess's new song. Although she'd contemplated changing up her image, it wasn't anything urgent, and she wasn't even sure she'd be welcome in Pipp's salon much longer. Eventually they would all find out that she'd been deceiving them...

Instead, she closed the video app and switched over to the messenger. She stared down at the only text exchange she'd had with Anon since the night of the sleepover. Despite everything, she still felt conflicted. The changeling seemed genuine with everything she said, but she'd been clearly trying to turn her against Opaline. The worst part was that she couldn't bring herself to ask the alicorn what she'd done to earn the changeling's enmity, because she was scared that Opaline would verify something Anon had said.

'Did you really mean it when you said we could hang out if you-know-who got to be too much?'

'I wouldn't offer if I didn't think you were a good pony.'

It didn't seem like the sort of thing somepony would say to a pony they were lying to. Misty certainly wasn't confident she could sell it like Anon. Should I ask her to teach me how to lie? She shook her head. The bug would see right through it if she asked something that would quite clearly benefit Opaline.

'Anon, are you free? I kinda wanna get out and do something, and *she* is kinda mad at me. She's also super sore about cleaning up what you did the last time you were here.'

'I was thinking about flying out to Bridlewood or Zephyr Heights to do some shopping ahead of Nightmare Night, but I can put that on hold for you.'

'You want me to swing by and pick you up, or...?'

'If it's alright with you, I'll walk; you-know-who will lose her mind if she sees you after what you did.'

'Fair.'

~ 09 ~

You know, it's funny. Even though I'm a changeling, and can't mimic the pegasus weather control abilities, the latent cloud-walking ability that helps blend in allows me a limited ability to shape clouds. As a result, it takes me almost no effort to carve off a sizeable chunk of wild cloud and manoeuvre it down to tree level at the edge of town.

Sure, there were lots of pegasi coming by to check it out, but none were ballsy enough to challenge me for access to my perch. If they were really that interested in checking out what it feels like to stand on clouds, they could fly up high and nab some of their own... Or learn how to make their own fucking clouds. Point is this fucker's mine.

I'm sure Hitch was already looking for some sort of rule to get mad at me over for having this cloud. Too bad for him, I actually checked all the ordinances beforehoof. He would have to twist definitions. I had nothing to worry about at this time.

Not that he was actually looking for reasons to fine me. I think it was just the way I flagrantly did things that were outside his expectations that he found antagonistic. I was actually looking forward to joining in with the Nightmare Night celebrations with him and the rest of them, and the last thing I wanted to do was make things awkward.

I saw Misty long before she saw me, just trotting along with some old saddlebags draped over her back. Unlike a lot of ponies in and around the bay, she didn't seem to notice a large, low-hanging cloud. After all, she clearly wasn't raised with the eyes on the skies propaganda the locals here were. In fact, the poor girl didn't realise I was there until I brought my cloud down to the ground beside her.

"Heya, Misty!" I chirped, hopping down beside her. I barely even registered the terrified squeak from her, but it didn't take her long to get herself under control. "So how bad did you-know-who react to my chaos?"

A sad look crossed her face, and she shuffled her hooves. "I don't know if she's more upset about the paintings, the glitter, what you did to her throne, or whatever it was you did that she refused to speak of."

It brought a smile to my face, and I contemplated dangling that knowledge. That said, I noticed that she had that necklace that allowed her to speak to her dark lady. Old bitch needs to get with the times. Nopony uses magical relics to communicate anymore.

"You ever wanted to try flying?" I asked instead, patting the cloud. "I may not know the flutterwing spell off the top of my head, but I used to take Emerald to Cloudsdale for shopping trips all the time. I know Cloud Walking and Slow Fall like the back of my hoof."

The unicorn looked from me to the cloud. She took a hesitant step back, her ears and tail flicking. "I don't know, Anon..." Why do you radiate guilt? It's not like you gotta. "Can I take a rain check on this one?"

I just nodded. "Sure thing," I responded. As we started to walk away, I transformed away my wings and called out to all the nearby pegasi. "Alright winged ponies, the cloud's all yours."

All those ponies were on the cloud like flies on shit. Even little Glory and her Pippsqueak friends Seashell and Peach Fizz rushed over. Nothing funnier than seeing unicorn and earth pony foals trying to jump on a cloud, only to drop right through it. Couldn't quite suppress a cackle, and even my friend saw a bit of humour in it.

I glanced at her as we strolled into town, eyeing up the saddlebags. "Got shopping on the mind?" I couldn't help but ask. When she nervously nodded, I continued. "You wanna get that out of the way with now? Or would you rather wait until you're ready to head home?"

The young mare seemed to consider that. When she saw Zipp flying over us, she seemed to rethink her phrasing. "My... roommate has been stress-eating lately," she said in a slightly accusatory, yet playful tone. That got an innocent whistle out of me. "I figured we could get some basics and then do something fun."

While we walked, we chatted some basic shit. For one, she was complimenting me on my reinvented appearance. I casually asked her if she'd ever considered changing up her mane at all. She looked kinda upset by that, and I found myself having to clarify what I meant. Instead of voicing it, however, I decided to transform into a mirror of her appearance. Her usual curls remained, but instead of her usual aquamarine streaks, I added in a gradient, going from the indigo end of the spectrum to amaranth as it got closer to the tips.

In the end, she didn't say yes or no to change, but it seemed to improve her mood. Maybe it was the fact that ponies were glancing at the 'twins' causally making their way up the road. Hitch actually passed us by at one point and Misty tensed, but seemed to relax when she noticed Sparky wasn't with him. Funny enough, he actually thought that I was the real Misty.

One of the flower salesmares, an earth pony named Posey, even waved at us. Kinda interesting, since Posey has a bit of a reputation for being kind of... catty. Honestly, I think she's just the type that gets overwhelmed easily and lashes out. A bit vain, but then, who isn't prone to vanity?

When we got to the grocery store, I was kinda surprised to see just how much canned goods, junk food, and generally non-perishable food she was adding to her basket. Given the way she was eyeing up the TV dinners, someone might even get the impression that she couldn't cook, nor could Opaline. Given that I was convinced that the alicorn sustained herself off the tears of orphans, it wouldn't surprise me if she couldn't.

"You know, I'm sure if you asked, Sunny would be more than happy to teach you a thing or two in the kitchen," was my unprompted comment as she grabbed a bottle of salt and a bottle of pepper. "Or, I could come over and show you one of the recipes I learned from Spike and Pinkie. Celestia knows, neither of you have probably had a good home-cooked meal."

She seemed unsure of my offer. "What kind of recipes?" asked Misty as she watched me transition over to my unicorn disguise. It didn't help when I levitated over a basket and started collecting a bunch of seemingly random ingredients—tomatoes, garlic, onion, and various herbs and spices. Oh, and black beans. "And would it really be okay—feeding her if you two hate each other?"

I paused, realising that I had just casually offered to make food for my not-so-mortal enemy. A smirk slowly spread across my face as a thought crossed my mind. Kill'em with kindness... Making food for my enemy will show how generous I am. Not poisoning then will show my honesty, as well as my loyalty to my unicorn friend. Plus, the thought of Opaline biting into my food—maybe even enjoying it—before Misty pulls the rug out from underneath her was hilarious.

"Even if I'm not a creature of Harmony, I was still raised to hold the tenets the Elements represent in high regard," I casually responded as I collected up flour, vanilla, sugar, icing sugar, milk, shredded cheese, cupcake liners, and eggs. Finally, I collected up a box of oven-ready lasagna noodles. "Magic's my chief affinity, but I'm generous enough to make a casserole for you."

~ 09 ~

"I can't believe you convinced me to bring you back here," Misty commented as she set her saddlebags down in the castle's kitchen/pantry area. I did the same and immediately started poking around for cooking implements and bakeware. "So what's all that other stuff for?"

God, when's the last time some of this has seen use? I thought as I levitated out some mixing bowls, a saucepan, and even a couple of cupcake tins. I immediately got to work washing and de-rusting them. "Cupcakes!" I exclaimed in the voice of the first pony I ever threw. "What kind of loco-in-the-coco pony do you take me for?" That elicited a giggle from my young friend. "Meals without desserts are a crime against everything tasty!"

Once everything was cleaned and dried, I turned to her. "Watch and learn, filly," I teased, pulling an apron and a mane-net out of nowhere. Okay, it wasn't actually nowhere, since I'm not actually a certain reality defying earth pony. It was in my magic storage. "Auntie Pinkie taught me to bake cupcakes with a little song. Would you like to hear when it's time to start?"

To my surprise, she actually nodded. So it was that I set about getting a marinara sauce simmering in the stove while she watched. Once it was in the go, I started getting out all the ingredients set out. The only time I took my eye off what I was doing was when I got her to preheat the oven.

"So, you wanna learn to make cupcakes?" I asked again in Pinkie's voice, pulling a mixing bowl over. When Misty nodded, I loudly cleared my throat, and began to sing. "I'll cook up a solution with the knowledge I've accrued... They say a kitchen time saves nine, but I'm just saving two. I've gathered the ingredients to make some time sorbet. There's hardly room for seconds when the seconds melt away..."

Misty stared at me in confusion as I sang and started throwing ingredients into the mixing bowl. "Watch as I work my gypsy magic! Eye of the newt and cinnamon! Watch as the matter turns to batter! Open the portal, jump in!" I paused just before I started whisking the batter, staring off into the distance. "Wait... That's not how it goes."

Shaking my head, I had Misty put the cupcake liners into the tins. "All you have to do is take a cup of flour," I sang. "Add it to the mix. Take a little something sweet, not sour... A bit of salt—just a pinch...

"Baking these treats is such a cinch," I explained, pouring the batter into the paper liners. "Add a teaspoon of vanilla. Add a little more, and you count to four, and you'll never get your fill of...

"Cupcakes, so sweet and tasty!" I put the empty mixing bowl in the sink, and made my way over to the oven. Confirming the temperature with a spell, I levitated over the trays. "Cupcakes, don't be too hasty! Cupcakes, cupcakes cupcakes CUPCAKES!" At that my I slid the trays into the oven while setting a timer.

Misty looked at me with awe and maybe a little confusion. "That Pinkie Pie sounds like quite the... random pony," she offered diplomatically as we both went over to the cooktop where the marinara was simmering away. "What other sorts of things can you cook?"

It caught her off guard the sheer number of omnivorous dishes I ended up listing. Chicken chili, sushi, tacos, black-bean burgers, minestrone soup, ravioli, pizza, cookies, curry, and quesidillas were just a few of the things I'd learned over the years... And that wasn't even getting into shit like forage or cooking what you killed.

I kept forgetting that ponies these days didn't eat a whole lot of fish, or chicken, for that matter. Misty was no pegasus, and she certainly wasn't a hippogriff, griffon, or dragon. Pegasi back in the day loved fish, and griffons had non-sentient pigs and chickens, so when Equestria and the griffons got to be good friends, imported meat wasn't uncommon. Nopony but me, Spike, Smolder, Gallus, and Silverstream really liked any of it, but we got a fair number of recipes out of it. Today's ponies simply wouldn't get that.

Once I had her taste the sauce and she verified that the sauce tasted good, I opened up the can of black beans, rinsed its contents, and then dumped it in. From there, I set it on a low simmer while the cupcakes cooked. It looked like she really enjoyed the process of making buttercream frosting that I showed her. When the batches of cupcakes came out, she surprised me by icing them all herself.

While the oven once again heated, we got around to constructing the lasagna. Since she was going learning from me, I walked her through the process as Spike showed me. I made sure to highlight the fact that we were using oven-ready noodles, something she'd need to keep an eye out for when buying boxed noodles. Then, once the sauce and the noodles were layered in a baking dish, we covered it in cheese, wrapped it in foil, and slid it into the oven with a timer, and instructions to take off the foil in thirty minutes.

As I was getting myself ready to go, however, she caught me by surprise. Quite literally, really, since she actually put a hoof on my withers to stop me. "I, um... Did you want to stay until the food's ready?" She had a hopeful look on her face, and despite the appreciation directed at me, I could still sense she was anxious. "I'm new to this whole friend thing, but it doesn't feel right having you cook for me without you getting any."

I should really give her that whole innuendo talk some time.

~ 09 ~

Having heard Misty leave and return earlier, Opaline could only assume that her minion had, for once, taken initiative to do some grocery shopping. That was good, because they were all out of comfort foods. Unfortunately as Misty's sole benefactor, it fell on her to ensure that she was properly fed. She was, after all, merciful.

There was definitely something off, however, she decided as she entered the dining room attached to the kitchen. For one, Misty was doing the place setting. Misty never did that sort of thing unprompted unless she was bringing home take-out. Based on the tantalizing smells coming from the kitchen, it was a distinct possibility, but she was hoping that wasn't the case; she hadn't provided her stooge with anything other than the week's shopping budget.

"Misty!" Opaline called out sharply, noticing something out of place—something other than the fact that there was a bottle of wine from the cellar set in a bucket of ice on the table. "Explain this!"

The sudden sound caught the young unicorn off guard, and she nearly dropped a wine glass. "O-opaline!" Misty quickly set the glass down and turned to face her dark mistress. "W-what's wrong?"

Her eyes went from the table to the younger pony. With a sigh, she covered her face with her hoof and shook her head. "I taught you to count better than this!" She gestured at the place-settings at the table, putting emphasis on the third place-setting between the two of them. "Unless you've invited the pesky racoonicorn that's been eating all our food to dine with us, there is absolutely zero reason to set three places at this table." At the uneasy smile Misty gave her, she groaned. "And since when have I ever permitted you to drink my wine?"

It was only then that her ears caught the clatter of plates in the kitchen. She swivelled her attention from Misty to the doorway into the kitchen, just in time to catch sight of... Misty backing out of the kitchen, pulling a trolley full of food with her mouth. She blinked and glanced back at the pony standing at one of the table. "Misty, you didn't!"

This time, it was the Misty with the food cart to startle, resulting in her falling flat on her plot and letting out a squeak of alarm. "O-opaline!" she stammered, fixing the alicorn with the exact same uneasy expression that the first had. Speaking of the first one, she quickly trotted past Opaline to help the second Misty to her hooves. "W-what's wrong?"

"Did you seriously invite that murderous servant of Hunger into my castle?" Opaline shouted, causing both to wilt slightly. "After everything she's done!?"

To the fire alicorn's utter surprise, the Misty that had been pulling out the cart blew her mane out of her face before rolling her eyes at her. "Relax, drama queen," this Misty said as a wave of blue flame washed over her body, leaving a duplicate of Opaline in her place. There was a smirk on her face as a blue corona of magic formed around her horn and three plates of food and a tray full of cupcakes moved out onto the table. "From her perspective, all I've done is some incredibly childish, if somewhat impressive, pranks... and be honest; I could be directing far less playful energies at you."

As Anonymous took a seat at one of the two places set with wineglasses—not Opaline's preferred spot, surprisingly—the changeling smirked. "Besides, if we're speaking of Hunger, I think you would have been more a slave to her than I am," came her glib, matter-of-fact comment as Opaline sat opposite her. Misty followed suit, taking the spot between the two. Unceremoniously, she popped the cork on the wine bottle with her magic and filled both glasses. "After all, you've an insatiable hunger for magic and power... Such ambition! Makes me wonder why she sacrificed her incarnation at the time to protect me until some semblance of harmony returned to the world, rather than side with you."

Opaline scoffed. "As if I would ever debase myself by aligning with one of those conniving Embodied Concepts." The growing smile on Anon's face and the throaty chucke to follow made her uncomfortable. Maybe it was simply her equine side reacting to the sight of all the sharp teeth that shouldn't have been there... "What? Is there something on my face?"

The young unicorn looked between the two in confusion, and Opaline supposed that she couldn't really fault her. There had been no mention of Harmony, Chaos, Hunger, or Fate in what few lessons of the past the alicorn had given her as a foal. In fact, from where Misty stood, they probably appeared like two old friends talking of some sort of in joke.

When Anon raised her wineglass, her expression softened into something that Opaline didn't like seeing in her own face: happiness. "How about a toast, then?" she purred. "To not being servants of meddlesome deities." In a voice almost too quiet to be heard, she added, "Grateful as I am that she ensured my survival, I'm glad the bitch is gone."

She was unsure of what Anonymous was up to, but she couldn't disagree. Instead, she raised her own glass. "Quite," she responded, watching Anon sip her own wine before following suit. Meanwhile, Misty began to dig into her plate of lasagna. "You know, given your last visit, I'm not entirely convinced you aren't trying to poison me."

Misty froze mid-chew, glancing from the real alicorn to the happily smiling doppelganger. She didn't start chewing again until Anon started into her own food. As for Opaline, she sniffed at her own meal before cutting off a dainty piece. When she tasted nothing out of place, she cut off a larger piece. "I can't imagine you would involve Misty in my death, though, and I dare say you wouldn't put her at risk with the way you've been watching out for her."

Again there was that damned smile as Anon swirled her wine, fixing her with a sultry gaze. "That's what friends do, Opaline," she purred. Her horn lit up, and a transparent hand of magic formed above Misty's head, gently patting the filly as she ate. "They watch those they care for, and look out for their well-being with no expectations of anything in return."

She pulled her magic hand back to operate her fork, conjuring another to operate her knife. "So long as you give me no more reason to, and Misty is treated well and kept safe, I've no reason to end you." Even as she magically fed herself, she rested her head on one hoof, while the other kept swirling the wine. "Besides, poison isn't my style. As I'm sure your cultists could attest, I'm more hooves-on..."

Misty looked at the changeling in alarm, but then her gaze switch to Opaline. Immediately her eyes widened. She tried to stammer out something, but couldn't find her voice. Instead, she pointed behind her with a trembling hoof. When Opaline turned to see what was so terrifying, she found easily fifty long shafts of volcanic glass floating behind her, all angled at her midsection. "For example, you'd probably survive this, but it'd still be funny—at least to me—to see how much of your alicorn endurance you actually have since Mom separated you from your power," Anon casually said, drawing their attention back by tapping her knife against her glass. "But we are in polite company, are we not?" With a wave of her hoof, the shafts all floated around the table in a circle before vanishing, revealing them to be the well-crafted illusions they were. "I would rather Misty never have to see that sort of thing. I may have sociopathic tendencies, but I'm fully in control of my actions."

The dinner party fell into an uncomfortable silence at that statement. Neither castle resident wanted seconds, so Anon doled out the cupcakes and casually transformed back into herself. It disgusted Opaline watching as she tossed one of the treats into her fanged maw, paper liner and all, while the topping off Opaline's glass of wine. Misty definitely seemed to enjoy the cupcakes... perhaps a bit too much, but for once, the alicorn was not going to fault her minion. The food was better than what they usually ate.

It was sort of disconcerting the way Anonymous was just staring at her with a smirk. But maybe that's the reason she's doing it... "So, Daughter of Twilight Sparkle," Opaline finally asked, when it was clear the changeling wasn't going to attack her. "If you're not here make a pitiful attempt on my life—not that I'm complaining—why are you here?"

With a soft expression that didn't at all suit the horrifying fangs present in her smile, Anon glanced over at Misty, whose belly had become slightly distended. There was a glazed expression look in the young mare's eyes, and it was clear that she was well on the way to a food coma. "Is it really so hard to believe that I simply like hanging out with my friend?" Poking Misty in the side with a finger of magic, she commented. "Besides, I don't know what you're feeding her, but it's clearly not enough. A good home-cooked meal is just what the changeling ordered."

Her eyes narrowing, Opaline slid her gaze over to her minion. "I'm teaching her moderation," she said through gritted teeth. "I don't want her turning out like that corpulent creampuff, Celestia. I swear, that mare was as wide as she was tall." Of all the responses she'd expected, a barking laugh and a slap of the table was not one. Everypony loved the golden girl, Celestia, and since she was considered a part of Twilight Sparkle's extended family, she'd have expected something closer to offence.

"Fuckin' amen to that." With a snort, Anon transformed into the marshmallow-white princess, with extra emphasis placed on the padding on her flank. In a mockery of Celestia's voice, she crowed, "Dearest Twilight... This little shit <> ate my me-damned cake. She's your responsibility now. Love, Sun Horse." She hopped onto the table, and transformed in mid-air into an earth pony filly who couldn't have been older than eight. "She stuffed me in a shipping crate and made me Mom's problem just because of a cake. Who does that to a foal—even if they do have an adult's mind? And after she went to the retirement community and let Mom take over the sun and moon... Lemme tell you, she really started packin' it on." She shrugged and kept on laughing. "Didn't hate the mare, but I never really liked her."

To her surprise, Opaline found herself laughing alongside the diminutive changeling queen. Misty quickly joined in, even if she wasn't exactly sure what she was laughing over. When the laughter died out, she fixed Anonymous with a look. "Why did you have to end up in those ponies' hooves?" she asked with a sigh. "Cunning, a talent for magic and mayhem... you would have been the perfect acolyte. If I had somepony like you at my side, it would have been foal's play to conquer Equestria."

Anon hopped off the table, and—returning to her original form—started walking toward the door to the kitchen. "You could always give up on that goal, and actually give friendship a chance," she said, not looking back. "Its magic might not grant you power per se, but it made my life so much more fulfilling. It healed me of so many hurts, and helped me grow as a pony."

A tear in space appeared before Anon, revealing a well-lit room with a large pillow-filled bowl suspended from the ceiling. A portal to Maretime bay! It had to be! Without any consideration, Opaline leapt from her chair, bounding past the changeling and through the portal... only to slam into the cabinets in the kitchen, just beyond. Stars danced in the fire alicorn's vision as she turned to face the portal, only to see a concrete wall from this side.

"I'm so glad I found that whitelist function in Mom's anti-scrying notes," Anon cackled, shaking her head as the alicorn came right back through the other side and returned to her seat. "I might never forgive you for your cultists hurting my sister, Opaline, but if Sunny's group ever offers friendship, consider it. Mom and Starlight helped redeem me when I became the Monster of Manehattan; Sunny and her friends could the same for you...

"It's not too late to let friendship into your heart and finally get the love and adoration of ponies who aren't forced to be your 'friend'." Turning to regard her with a sad smile, Anon said, "If I think you're actually serious, I'll even advocate for redemption," and backed through the tear in space.

As the portal shut behind her, Opaline realised that Anonymous had left the chore of clean-up to her—or rather, Misty. Turning her attention back to her servant and the mess of the table and then the kitchen, she felt a vein throb in her temple. Somehow, despite all the noise, Misty had fallen asleep, and was actively snoring. Or, she could just leave it all to me. Again.

Grumbling quietly to herself, Opaline placed all the dirty dishes onto the serving trolley and wheeled it back into the kitchen. Bah, friendship. When I have all of the magic in Equestria, everypony will want to be my friend. Then we'll see whose life is fulfilling, she thought darkly, filling the sink with hot, soapy water. Despite this, a tiny kernel of doubt suggested that she'd still be forcing them to like her for her magic, instead of liking her for her. Her eyes drifted over to the baking pan, where there were still three portions of lasagna waiting to be eaten. At least if that simpering oaf continues to associate with that filthy insect, she might learn some useful skills. I'm loathe to admit I haven't had anything that good in a long time.