Vlogs of an Ancient Insect

Lying on my back atop the roof of the Maretime Bay sheriff's office, I held my phone out in front of me. It'd been a few days since Pipp gave me some advice and helped reshoot the introduction video for release. She'd even been kind enough to share a link to my vlog on her own social media. Reactions were mixed, which was about what I'd expected to be honest. Some showed some genuine interest, some were calling the video a fake—it pissed me off somewhat that those ones were now trolling the purple pegasus princess because of it—and I'd gotten more than a few hate DMs because of it.

Still, from the questions I'd gotten, I'd found a good one to address. Someone by the alias DetectiveGumhoof asked, 'What is the extent of your shape-shifting abilities? Are there limits such as creature type? Can you become anypony you meet? Could you feasibly be beside a pony without them even knowing?' Sure, it was the sort of paranoia-fuelling question I probably shouldn't answer, but at the same time, if I showed I had nothing to hide and could be forthright with ponies, they might start trusting me a bit more.

Opening up the camera application, I put on my best smile, made sure my mane was looking superb, and that my horn looked just right. They were a lot different looking from what I remembered—a lot more slender and slightly more curved. Other than that, it was the same bespectacled face, and the exact same marks from a scalding I'd gotten as a foal.

Technically speaking, I could have held my phone with magic if I wanted to—I'd been able to since my horn started growing out after my second molt—but I couldn't be arsed after the day I'd had. I transformed a lot more than usual, and I was still waiting for the sugar boost from my chocolate banana smoothie to help regenerate some of the magic I burned off. It was just as easy, and added a bit more of a personal touch, to hold it myself.

Hitting the record button, I started, "It's a sunny, sunny day in Maretime Bay!" I gave a little wave. "It's your—hopefully—favourite changeling queen, Anonymous Flicker, and I'm here atop the sheriff's office—Shhh! Don't tell Sheriff Hitch!—" I giggled as I panned the camera angle to show the plaza below before panning back to me. "—to talk to all of you about changelings!

"A shout-out to user DetectiveGumhoof, who asked the extent of my abilities, as well as the limitations." I was tempted to do this next part au naturel, but my natural form was still causing a bit of a panic. "I know a lot of ponies are scared that I could be anywhere at any time, feeding on them like some psychic vampony. I wouldn't blame you. Back before I reincarnated as a pony, before my transformation, changelings were the boogeymares of our era. They were misunderstood, and sadly ended up under a mad queen who did her best to feed her swarm. It wasn't until a rogue drone showed them another way that things changed. Suddenly, changelings and ponies were allies, and by the time I transformed, I never once had to trick a pony for love."

I rolled my eyes, but kept smiling. "Kinda a weird thing to start with, but I wanted you to understand a bit before I answered the question properly," I delineated. "I can transform into any living thing, or inorganic thing like a rock, sure. If a thing can fly, so can I. The only thing I can't imitate is the magics of specific creatures. I'm also a bit ashamed to admit that I never got the hang of doing gills." Casting my gaze downward, checking if anyone had noticed me up here, I let out a sigh. "Rather than get into too many specifics and get you looking over your shoulder, how about the bet I made with Sheriff Hitch today instead..."

~ 01 ~

"Anon!" a stallion was calling out. I think I knew that voice, but I had one ear covered by headphones, listening to some of Pipp Petals' singles while I worked. Holding the flyer out with one hoof, I used a tape dispenser to apply some cello tape to the corners. "Anonymous Flicker! You get down from there this instant!"

Huh? I looked down toward the ground, and saw an amber pony in a cowboy hat staring up at me. There was the glint of a badge hanging off his pleather harness. There was also a baby dragon riding atop his back. Oh shit, that's Hitch, isn't it? Pulling my headphones back so that they were around my neck rather than my ears, and clipping the tape dispenser to my own harness, I stood up and waved. "Morning, Sheriff!" I called out, brushing my mane out of my face, which was no easy task given the way I was positioned. "What seems to be the issue?"

"She's joking right?" I wasn't sure if that muttered comment was directed at myself or Sparky. He gestured up at me, but particularly my hooves. "That. That whole thing. You don't have a permit for that!"

I looked down at my hooves, seeing nothing particularly wrong with what I was doing. "What, the posters?" I asked, reaching into the satchel attached to my harness to grab one. "Izzy asked me to help put these up where pegasi might see them while flying." I glanced down at the poster for said unicorn's Uni-Cycling business—portmanteau of unicorn and recycling, go figure—before slipping it back into the satchel. "I thought she said she had a permit to have ponies help put these up for her."

He stared up at me in exasperation, before dipping his head forward as he rubbed at his brow. "You don't have a permit to stand on walls like that!" he all but shouted. Yikes, someone hasn't had coffee yet this morning. Come to think of it, neither have I. "Get down from there before you hurt yourself."

I narrowed my eyes at him as I walked down the wall towards him. Yeah, so I was up the third story wall of a building putting up a poster. So what? As a changeling, something like sticking to walls is child's play, even in disguise. When I reached ground-level, I manually readjusted my mane until it was normal. "I don't think there's actually a city ordinance that prohibits it, Hitch," I said in a teasing voice. "Creating one on the fly sounds very unethical, and I imagine the other community leaders wouldn't approve of abuse of power, now would they?"

He puffed out his cheeks and looked away. "Yeah, well, you still shouldn't do it!" he exclaimed, pointing a hoof at my chest. "You'll give impressionable young ponies weird ideas! If somepony gets hurt trying to do something you do, they're not gonna like you any better. You can hardly fit in if you stand out like that."

Reaching over with one hoof, I tapped the brim of his stetson with enough force that it spun through the air before landing atop my head. While the brim covered up my face, I let my changeling magics adjust my appearance. When I lifted it up, my mane and tail had gone blonde, my coat a brilliant amber colour, I was dotted with cute freckles, and a trio of apples adorned my flank. I was certain, because I could see my reflection in a puddle.

"Hmmm, nah," I said in a country twang. He froze when I slipped past him, intentionally bumping the well-toned flanks of a certain apple-bucking mare against his. Running my tail under his chin might've been a bit too far, but he was a fun one to tease. "If'n ya don't mind, sugarcube, Ah'd like ta get back ta work."

When he spun around to snatch the hat off my head, I'd already reverted. "H-hey! That's my hat!" he cried out. As he slapped the hat back onto his head, only for a certain baby dragon to grab it and start gumming the brim. He didn't seem to notice, instead following behind me as I started scoping out another high spot. "Who was that pony, anyway? Sunny had toy that looked just like that when she was just a filly."

"Somepony important back then," I answered in a somewhat melancholic voice. "Just like Sunny has you, Izzy, Pipp, and Zipp, Twilight had Applejack, Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity. National heroes... friends... one big extended family, if I'm honest." I shrugged, "Look, if you're really that concerned about me hurting my chances of fitting in I'll make a bet with you."

When I offered my hoof, he eyed me with suspicion. "What kind of bet?"

"The kind where I stop walking on walls," I said, before quickly adding "where others can see," under my breath. "I'm gonna follow you around until the end of your mid-day rounds. I'll change my appearance up several times. We'll meet up at Sunny's shake cart for lunch, and you just have to point out three disguises I wore and where you saw them. That's if you can clock me."

That brought a smirk to his face. "You're on!" he said. "I'm not sheriff for nothing."

To make things simpler for me, since my belongings—and stuff I was borrowing from Izzy to put up her posters—would make me pretty obvious, he let me drop the stuff off in a cabinet in the sheriff's office before we started. He even gave me a map of his route so I could keep up with him in case I lost track of him. It was definitely shaping up to be an interesting day. The only other thing I kept on me was a small bit satchel I kept tucked in my mane. With a higher reliance on paper money, it wasn't as bad as keeping gold coins on me.

The first hour was fun. He had to respond to a call regarding a disorderly conduct. Two ponies had gotten into a dispute over the last copy of a certain book at the bookstore, and it was threatening to turn into a brawl. Most of the time there was spent deescalating and working things out. More than once he'd been caught looking over his shoulder trying to spot me. You would think the sheriff of a town that used to keep its eyes on the skies for ~~aerial terrors~~ pegasus attacks would be more used to looking up. There weren't that many ravens around Maretime Bay after all.

Next, he responded to a call from Izzy Moonbow of all ponies. While I sat beside a bush disguised as scrawny calico cat, he was talking to the wavy-maned unicorn. Turns out, she'd called in a missing pony on me, 'cause she hadn't heard from me in a bit, and my phone was off. When Hitch explained the bet, and that I was 'probably closer than she knew', she calmed down. The funny part was that when he said that, he was eyeing up an earth pony I think was named Posey.

It's a good thing that I'm good at internalising my laughter. It was all I could do not to start cackling until he was around the corner. Then I slid out from under the bush, hopped up on top of the moped she pulled her cart with, and looked at her. She didn't even bat an eye. "You could've just called," she commented as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Of all the ponies I'd met in Maretime Bay, Izzy was by far the most accepting of me. It helped that she reminded me a bit of a few ponies I knew back then. "I would've understood."

"Yeah, sorry," I replied in my normal voice. It didn't even faze me that her hoof was coming up to pet me. You wanna play cat-bug horse roulette? That's how you play cat-bug horse roulette. "He's just so... He's like a ball of yarn, you know? He makes me wanna give him a push and see the trail he leaves behind him."

"I know," she chirped. Her hoof touched down between my ears. "Oooh, your fur is soft!"

Why must that feel so nice?

"Sorry again, gotta go make him jump at shadows," I murmured as I hopped down from the moped seat. "Got any requests?"

"Oooh! Oooh! Do me!" she exclaimed. If I was actually in the market for a relationship, it might be fun to make a flirtatious response about phrasing, but this wasn't like playing head-games with a dude I thought could take it. Alas, maybe some other time. "I bet you could do a really good me!"

"Do I?" I asked in her voice. Blue flames encompassed my body as the much of the extra mass decompressed and ceased being lightened by the transformation magics. The only thing that I could find that was really off, or so my my reflection in her eyes told me, was the lack of her accessories. From previous experiences and experiments, complex ornamentation like the bracelet she wore around her left hoof were much more energy to replicate than was usually worth it. Simple stuff like AJ's hair ties were easy as transmuting some of the mane to behave like a tie. "I don't even know, but this is really, really cool!"

After making sure I still had my bit bag tucked in my mane, I spun on my hoof and gave her a quick smile over my shoulder before continuing along Hitch's route to catch up. "By other me!" we both called out to each other before giggling manically. Gosh, she's a nice pony. Pretty creative and fun to be around, too. She's kinda like a saner Pinkie Pie.

For the next half hour, I followed behind Hitch at a distance. Any time it looked as though he was about to glance in my direction, I'd start doing something Izzy would do—fixate on random shiny object I found on the ground, consider random junk for uni-cycling, some how end up with a tennis-ball stuck at the end of my horn... that sort of thing.

It was actually pretty fun, and I almost ended up losing Hitch once or twice. Occasionally somepony would ask me what I was doing, and I'd have to make up an excuse, but I'd already come up with the perfect excuse for if I met Sunny, Pipp, or Zipp. Lies are bad and all, but it was innocent enough, and besides... who knows. She might enjoy the idea if the others asked.

Funny enough, I don't think I was the only weird unicorn following Hitch today. There was this young blue mare... looked like she was in her late teens at most who was following him. Like, holy shit her mane was super frizzy, and her eyes were just as green as mine were when I wasn't in disguise. Still, it didn't seem like she was doing anything malicious... not that I could talk.

From up above, I heard somepony call out to ~~me~~ Izzy. "Hey, Izzy!" I looked up and saw the pegasus sisters coming down for a landing. Pipp was the first to speak. "I thought we just saw you at your cart, but you're also here. That's kinda weird."

"Or are you Anon?" Zipp asked in a tone of suspicion. "If so, does she know you're imitating her?"

With a giggle, I kept my eye on Hitch. He still had a ways to go before he turned. "Oh, hey girls," I said in that cheerful Izzy way. "Yeah, I asked Anon to watch my cart while I follow Hitch for some inspiration for some uni-cycling. I'm thinking about working the whole protect and serve angle! I've got all sorts of bobs and bits that'd really make that theme pop!"

Although the white mare still eyed me with suspicion, I could feel the pretty purple pegasus princess pass a point where her doubt waned. Giving Zipp a worried look, Pipp whispered, "I can't tell if she's telling the truth, or not." Her eyes flicked from her sister to me. "That's bad, right?"

That just got an eye roll from the older sister as she pointed down to my left hoof. "Come on, Pipp, that's clearly Anon," Zipp said in a tone of exasperation. "Izzy never goes anywhere without her bracelet."

I never stopped smiling, though I glanced past the pair to hitch, who was close to the direction change in his route. "I asked Anon to hold onto it for me; I'd hate to lose it if I find something interesting or useful in a dumpster," I said, very pointedly winking my eye at them. "Oh, can you two go back to my cart and get Anon to write that idea down? Just mention Hitch. Anyway, I gotta go before my muse escapes! Bye bye!" I'm not sure if they got the hint to go pester the real Izzy about what's going on, or if they were just too bewildered by my behaviour, but they didn't give chase.

According to that map Hitch gave me, I could cut through two alleys, and end up ahead of him. It was the perfect opportunity to change into my next disguise. I even had an idea for my next disguise. I wanted to give him at least one win so he wouldn't feel too bad of being suspicious of everyone. Better yet, there was a coffee cart set up next to some tables where I could get a quick caffeine burst.

The moment I was in the first alley, I pictured that frizzy filly in blue. Bit of a shame her cutie mark looked painted on, but I didn't judge ponies for not knowing who they were yet. Even with a cutie mark, it took me a long-ass time to figure out who I really was. Then again, I also had a bunch of nonsense with living concepts trying to use me in their catty little games. I wonder whatever happened to Hunger, Harmony, and Discord.

"Why are you fol—" My thought distracted me just long enough for me to not realise I was about to bump into the very pony I was mimicking. Both of us ended up falling flat on our butts in the exact same position. Luckily I heard enough of her voice that I could extrapolate and mimic her. Time for a little fun. "What the... whoa!"

It was difficult, because it relied a lot more on anticipation than anything else, but as we both stood up and brushed ourselves off, I made sure to mirror her moves as close as possible. She leaned in close, and so did I, our noses just centimetres apart. "What is going on?" she asked herself, looking around in confusion. "Did Opaline cast a spell to make two of me?"

I felt like I should know that name, but more than that, I felt like I should be angry for hearing it. It was a very distinct name, and an important-sounding one. Was it one that I'd heard from before? Mom did imply I might end up with some janky memories if I was in stasis for too long.

When she leaned back away, I only leaned in closer. Her perplexion was quickly tinged with fear as I lifted a hoof towards her face. She almost looked like she thought she was about to get hit. Shit, kid. You're making me feel bad for trying to play a little prank. "Boop!" I announced with a giggle as the tip of my hoof poked her nose. "Haha, I booped your snoot!"

Before she could get out a reaction, I brushed past her and ran out into the street. I wonder if this is how Rainbow Dash felt all those times she pranked ponies. As I stepped into line behind a red pony that reminded me of a scrawny-ass Big Macintosh, I had an idea. Hitch was probably so busy jumping at shadows and suspecting the ponies he knew that he probably wouldn't even think twice about strangers in town. I could probably mimick more ponies from the past and he'd be none the wiser.

And I suppose if I did somehow throw this whole thing, going to him and getting a permit wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. I thought as Not-Mac finished taking his order. Assuming he goes and makes one.

The stallion at the counter actually greeted me with a smile. "Hey, Misty! I haven't seen you around in a while." Huh, so this girl's name is Misty, huh? I thought as I scanned his wares. "Gonna have your usual?"

I shook my head and gave an innocent little smile. "Actually, I was thinking of trying something different today," I replied pointing to the iced cappuccino maker. "Could I get an extra-large iced cappuccino, made with two shots of espresso and some chocolate milk?"

Even as he went to work, commenting about me being pretty tired to order that sort of system shock, I was watching Hitch go by out of the corner of my eye. I barely even thought as I levitated my bit satchel out of my mane and paid him. He seemed just as confused as he watched me tuck it back into my mane like it was normal. After he passed the iced-beverage, I bade him farewell and continued on my stalking adventure.

Honestly, this Misty filly must've been around a lot more than I'd've thought. I'd been under the impression she was either a tourist or new in town, and simply crushing on Hitch. Instead, as I walked down the street, looking around while I sipped my drink, ponies kept waving and greeting me by her name. It almost made me worried that all these ponies drawing attention to me would get Hitch on my case.

Later, once I finished my drink and ditched the cup—in the proper waste receptacle, but not just because he seems to have a preternatural sense about littering—I decided to get a bit daring. There's a cake shop up ahead on his route, and I knew the perfect disguise. I don't know which part was more entertaining: portraying the Sun Horse as a somewhat corpulent pegasus mare with a pink mane and a sun on her flanks, or the fact that nobody was getting upset for 'blaspheming the princess'. Not a single pony batted an eye when I bought the largest pre-made chocolate cake they had available and had them box it up to take away.

As much as I wanted to feast on the cake and make Celestia proud, I had a different plan. After following Hitch along to the last stretch of his route, I shrank myself down to the size of a foal. My last disguise would be in honour of a certain orange filly I knew. Interestingly, nobody even batted an eye when it happened right in the middle of the street. Hell, I got ballsy enough to pronk along just ten metres behind him, the cake balanced perfectly on my back.

By the time he reached Sunny's cart, I was definitely feeling a bit tired. Even the boost from the earlier coffee beverage couldn't quite mask the feeling of fatigue. I had just enough for one more transformation, and I figured, why not be a little generous? The moment he sat down with his back to the road and a baby dragon at his side, I made my second-to-last transformation of the day.

"Hello, Sunny," I said in posh, Canterlot accent, the likes of which I hadn't really heard since I got here. The orange mare's eyes sorta bugged out and she froze up for a moment as I fished out my payment from the hidden satchel. "Would you be a dear and make me a chocolate peanut butter smoothie?" Then I levitated the cake box off my back so that she could see it. "Then, if you're free, would you care to join us for a spot of cake?"

"Uh... sure?" She sounded anything but sure, but if I was right, I was practically a childhood toy of hers come life. "I'll just... I'll just bring it over when it's ready, Anon."

"Splendid!" I exclaimed, levitating the boxed cake along behind me. As I made my way around to the other side of the table Hitch was seated at, I smiled. "Well, Darling," I crooned. "Will I be free to continue walking on walls? Or is the creation of a new permit in order?"

His eye twitched as he looked at me. "Would you stop doing that? It's weirding me out!" he muttered. "As for your disguises, I don't know how many were actually you, but I'm pretty sure I caught you at least three times."

I listened in fascination as he started listing off a number of potential suspects. Although he didn't get my cat or raven disguises, he did clock onto me when I was disguised as Izzy. Similarly, he caught my Celestia and Scootaloo disguises easy enough, although he thought I'd been Posey while I was imitating that Misty filly.

Upon seeing that Pipp and Zipp were coming in for a landing, and Izzy was coming up the street with her cart, I decided to repeat my bag-of-holding spell act in order to produce a serving knife and seven paper plates. "So how'd you figure me out?" I said in my normal voice. "You didn't just single out the strangers because you hadn't met them before, I hope, because you didn't catch the crow, the cat, or that one young mare I imitated after following you as Izzy."

"Actually, I have Zipp to thank for that," he announced, giving the named mare a high hoof as she landed next to him. "She noticed the other day that all of your disguises, and even in your regular state, your cutie marks are all mirrored on the left side."

My eyebrow shot up as I started doling out cake. "Didn't you ever notice that our cutie marks are only ever on our right side?" Zipp asked, a bit sceptical. "Not once?"

"Huh, no kidding?" With a sigh, I sat a piece of cake out for Sunny. "Time to sound like an old mare—" My voice shifted into a raspy sounding voice modelled after a certain family's ancient matriarch. "—but back in my day, ponies had their cutie marks on both flanks. Foals these days just half-flank everything."

~ 01 ~

"... so yeah," I concluded, meeting the camera with my gaze, "Even if I can imitate ponies, it doesn't mean you have to worry that everypony you meet might be me in disguise. I know tonnes of ponies from an era long past, and if you're really that concerned, check and see if both flanks are marked."

From down below, I could hear Hitch shouting. "Anonymous Flicker, you better not be up on the roof," I heard him yell. "If you are, you get down right this moment."

Flashing the camera a smile, I whispered, "This is your local ancient bug queen, signing off." I ended the video and quickly sent a copy to Pipp. Upload could wait for any editing that might need to be done. As I tucked my phone into the case attached to my harness, I transformed into a pegasus variant of my normal pony disguise. "Oh, sorry, Hitch; was that another thing I need a permit for?" I asked as I lifted off from the roof. "I just wanted to catch a little sun before I get back to that job for Izzy."

~ Elsewhere ~

In a dark and menacing castle, not far from Maretime Bay, there lived a mean and grumpy alicorn queen. Also living there was a young unicorn named Misty. It was Misty that did all the shopping for the castle, as was she the one doing all the hoofwork in Queen Opaline's many schemes. Although she wasn't treated the greatest, the promise of receiving her cutie mark was enough to keep the young mare loyal.

"Opaline, Opaline!" the aforementioned young unicorn exclaimed, bursting into Opaline's chamber of dark and evil magics. "I just had the weirdest thing happen to me!"

Rolling her eyes, the alicorn looked away from the pool through which she viewed Maritime Bay and its denizens. "What is it now, Misty?" Opaline groaned. A massive headache weighed on her mind, and the gullible young mare's voice wasn't helping. She could've sworn that she saw ponies who were dead and gone long ago, but every time she tried to follow them, she'd lose track, only to find another relic of the past. Had one of the Elements of Harmony really been dining with Sunny and her companions, or were the years catching up with her?

"I met myself in an alley today!" Misty exclaimed, coming to join her dark master near the viewing pool. "I was even doing all the things I did, only reversed!"

There was a momentary twinge of concern for her underling, fearing brain damage, but the dark alicorn quashed that rather quickly. "That is called a reflection, Misty," she said in exasperation as she rubbed her head. "I shouldn't need to go over how mirrors work with you."

"Nuh-uh!" Misty answered with confident defiance, looking rather proud of herself. "A mirror can't boop your snoot, and I definitely booped my snoot in that alley."

Opaline stared at the young mare in disbelief. "You what?"

That disbelief transitioned to horror, and then surprise, before finally settling on rage when Misty leaned in close. She extended her hoof out, and poked her mistress in the snout. "Boop!" she exclaimed, seemingly not noticing the vein now pulsating on her boss's temple. "I booped your snoot!"