Vlogs of an Ancient Insect

The worst part about coming out of a time capsule in the far-flung future is that you could be fucking anywhere. For example, Mom was operating out of Canterlot Castle when she convinced me to aid in this plan of hers... whatever it was. Someway, somehow, that capsule ended up in a settlement in a coastal area. So at some point over the years, my capsule got moved around.

At first, looking at what few maps are surprisingly available, and comparing them to one I brought from the past, I was convinced something had levelled Manehattan and Maretime Bay was somehow built on the ruins. The only problem was that north didn't line up, properly, and where Bridlewood was, Our Town should've been. Similar reasons ruled out Fillydelphia, because their mountain range was more west than north-east. Baltimare was right out.

Best I could guess was that 'Modern' Equestria was located somewhere that the cartographers from my era called the Undiscovered West. There hadn't been any settlement expeditions planned at the time, but I think there might have been scouting expeditions running before I went to sleep. That actually made me worry what I'd see if I just started flying east... None of my old anchor stones even exist anymore...

Why was I even thinking about maps, you might ask? Well, I was currently airborne, flying about due north of Maretime Bay. It'd been two days since I posted my newest video blog, and I desperately needed more crystals. I needed a lot more gem dust to infuse into copper so I could properly wire the magic lights in my room. Also because I wanted to start putting together some gifts for the girls.

It was more than that, though... I'd found a few notes for some interesting spells in the back of one of my notebooks. These weren't my notes, but rather my Mom's. They were runic notes for the prototype of an anti-scrying field, and a scrying spell intended to test it. It might've just been her being paranoid, or a hint that our mysterious antagonist could be watching. If that was really the case, I'd probably want to protect everyone.

It was a beautiful view, I found while gliding just below the cloud ceiling. I could see for kilometres in every direction. Zephyr Heights to the east was gleaming like a metropolis atop its mountain throne. Stretching out ahead as far as my eye could see was the massive canopy of the forest of Bridlewood, putting even the Everfree to shame. A glance over my shoulder and I could see Maretime Bay slowly falling away. It almost looked like there might have been something far off to the west, but it might've just been a trick of the light. Nopony had ever mentioned anything out that way.

My phone, safely clipped away in its holder on my harness, began to ring. I couldn't exatly take it out at this height and check, but only five ponies actually had my number, so I wasn't too concerned about wrong numbers, and telemarketers didn't seem to be a thing here. Grabbing my headphones from around my neck, I held them up to my ears and tapped the play button on them. "Thank you for calling Bug Queen Airlines," I answered as I slowed to a hover. "This is Anon Speaking; how may I direct your call?"

"Anon! It's Zipp," she answered. There was a bit of concern present in her voice, but without being able to read her emotional aura, I could only estimate the level. "Um... have you ever heard of ponies swapping cutie marks? We kinda have a situation here..."

"I recall Mom telling me about the time she ascended to alicornhood," I explained, returning to a slow forward glide. "She tested an incomplete spell made by an ancient wizard, and the next morning, her five friends all had their marks swapped. It was apparently utter chaos." After a moment's pause, I asked, "Who all is affected, and how'd it happen?"

There was a frustrated groan. "Sunny and Hitch got into a spat over whose job was easier, and then Sparkie happened," she said. "Now it's like their entire personalities have switched."

With a low whistle, I said, "It's not too late to come with me. Their marks and personalities might've switched, but no way things are gonna turn out good." As a rout of pegasnails—I hate whatever process created these little cretins—veered into my path, I had a second thought. "Scratch that. They need a responsible adult around... and no offence to your sister, but Pipp and Izzy don't have that same air of responsibility that you do."

When the lead snail in the V formation gave me an obscene gesture with one of its wings, I snorted. "Evidently, despite being around sixty three years old on the revised calendar, I am not a responsible adult," I called out, making my voice loud enough that the critters up ahead of me could no doubt hear, "because I am about to turn a bunch of winged pests into escargot if they don't stay in their own lane and remember their place on the food-chain!" Lowering my voice, I quickly added, "I wouldn't actually eat anything that Hitch can have a conversation with... They don't know that though."

Even as the formation broke apart and the little buggers all descended to a lower height to get out of my way, Zipp let out a drawn out, "Riiight." I think I could actually hear Sunny shouting something. "Sounds like we both have our hooves full. Should I tell Sunny to save a place for you at the table, or...?"

I actually wasn't sure when I would be getting back; it honestly all depended on how long it took to find some decent crystals. If I'd at all been thinking when I decided to take off this morning, I'd have probably prepped an anchor stone... But it was one thing to have anchor stones in a home and set in places a portal couldn't bisect someone, and leaving them in some random place. "Better not wait up, just to be safe," I responded. "Also, if any of you guys want any tea picked up, text me; I plan on visiting that Crystal Tea Room place."

With that, I ended the call and pitched myself downward in order to pick up a bit of speed. Pegasus wings were much better suited to gliding and speed than my insect wings were, and typical aerodynamic rules applied. It made for easier, if lazier flight, and that was the primary reason that I was travelling in a pegasus variant of my pony form. A good secondary reason was that I had no doubt I was gonna turn some heads walking around Bridlewood in my full, buggy glory. I was, after all, typically taller and somewhat more intimidating.

I mean, I wasn't planning on being a pegasus the whole time; after I landed my plan was to switch over to a unicorn variant disguise, and leave off the cutie mark on my left flank. Blending in, getting in, and getting out were my primary concerns. Starting a panic—especially over anything the unicorns considered jinxie—was not on the agenda. No mischief and/or shenanigans intended.

~ Bridlewood, Crystal Tea Room ~

"Gotta say, I'm really liking this place," I whispered to myself. I wasn't exactly sure what I'd expected when I touched down on the road outside the forest... Maybe a community built up in the trees, just below the canopy? I might've even expected thatch houses like the ones back in Ponyville when I was a filly nestled between the trees. Homes built under and into the root-systems of these massive trees, however? It was like something out of a fantasy novel I'd read in my previous, human life.

Despite me looking around like a slack-jawed tourist, especially at all the crystals just growing everywhere, there wasn't even much in terms of weird looks thrown my way. Several were downright friendly... There was even this nice old lady, Elder Flower, who claimed her great, great, great, great aunt knew me. Not sure I ever actually met Moondancer, but this just just adds so many more questions about how much time's passed. The way Izzy described it made it seem like every unicorn here was some sort of weirdo who was adjusting to normal life after living in a cult. Everyone here just seemed so... so normal, elvish living conditions notwithstanding.

Eventually, the road brought me to my first destination: the Crystal Tea Room. Apparently during the quest to unite the Unity Crystals, the girls and Hitch actually stopped here and entered a competition with the shop owner, Alphabittle, for the Unicorn Unity Crystal. Dude was apparently big on games and competition.

The place was pretty beautiful from the outside. It seemed to be nestled under three different root systems, with stained glass in the windows and the door. Above the door, to the right, was a pretty sign designed after a teapot, topped with what looked like that same crystal they'd come for, no less. The crystals growing out of the ground outside also contributed nicely to the look.

It was really cosy when I opened the door and stepped in, I was assailed by the glorious smell of tea. I thought I could smell Canterlot Breakfast, Earl Grey, and even a Darjeeling if I wasn't mistaken. It was a cosy atmosphere, too, despite the polished brick flooring. There were several unicorns at different tables dotted about the place, but there seemed to be a pretty big grouping around a stage where some ponies seemed to be having some sort of poetry recital. I swear, the grey colt with the grassy-green mane reminded me of a certain stoner pony I knew.

The pony at the service counter was real interesting though. He was built like my adoptive uncle with a slate grey coat, and bushy white beard, eyebrows, and mane. He also had a swagger about him. A very proud stallion, this fella, I decided as I approached the counter. That said, I can feel a hurt about him that he doesn't want others to know about. I had to admit, he was pretty handsome for an older guy, and if Queen Haven wasn't clearly interested in the guy, I might've considered him as a potential donor to start my hive.

"Good afternoon, Alphabittle," I said in the exact same voice he'd heard me using back when I did that presentation at the Maretime Bay museum. I looked at all the board games and various knickknacks on the shelves behind the counter as I took a seat. "This place is every bit as nice as Izzy and the girls made it out to be."

He seemed momentarily confused, as it was probably his first time seeing my unicorn form. "Ah, I remember now," he said with a smile. "You're that bug from the museum that gave a lecture on the past. The one who's got that video blog, right? Anonymous? I never watch those sorts of things, but a lot of ponies have been talking about it."

I nodded, brushing my own black locks out from in front of my glasses with a hoof. "Yep, that's me," I answered, taking my phone and stylus from its spot on my harness and setting it down on the counter. As I spoke with him, I started pulling up a recipe I'd written down: masala chai. "The girls all say that your tea's the best, and I was curious if you had anything like this."

When I turned the phone around and pushed it over to him, he glanced down at it and started stroking his beard. "Can't say I've ever seen anything like this before, but it looks delicious," he commented, immediately turning to face a spice rack as he started collecting the ingredients listed. As he did so, I noticed an armadillo on the counter, pushing two tea cups out to be used. "Gimme a few minutes to put this together."

"Sure thing," I said, continuing to look around. They weren't lying when they said the old-timer really liked games. It looked like he even had one of those hoofheld game consoles I'd seen ads for online. There was even a painting that seemed like something I'd seen a picture of back on Earth—Edvard Munch's the Scream if I was remembering correctly.

What caught my attention, however, was a framed photo. It was a little blue unicorn filly, her curly dark-blue mane pulled back into two poofy buns, looking to the camera with the most darling happy green eyes as she snuggled a plush almiraj—a horned bunny. Not only was she so precious that she made my cousin Flurry seem average, but she looked super familiar. I could swear I've met this filly somewhere before.

He caught me staring at it as he turned around with a pot of steaming tea. "Is this your daughter?" I asked, even as his emotional aura began to fill with a sad blue and the yellow of anxiety. It took him a moment to recover as he poured out two cups of the chai. Once he set down the teapot, he walked over to the shelf the picture was seated upon, and grabbed it. "She's adorable, if you don't mind my saying."

Alphabittle looked longingly down at the photograph. "She... went missing many moons ago," he said, setting down the photo beside him. He fidgeted with his hooves as he glanced down at his reflection in the surface of the creamy brown liquid. "I rarely ever leave Bridlewood, in case she comes home. I have to be here."

That just made it all the more impressive that they'd gotten him to come out to the event in Maretime Bay that time, then. "I'm sorry to hear that," I whispered, turning an apologetic look from the picture to him. I am pretty sure I met his pony before, but... if I'm wrong, I don't wanna get his hopes up. "I plan on getting out of town more often, so I could keep an eye out for her if you like."

"You would?" He seemed surprised by the offer, but I could feel the gratitude in his tone. "That's sweet of you, kid."

With the uptick in mood and the tea sufficiently cooled, I levitated it to my mouth and sipped it. A soft moan escaped my throat. It's as perfect as I remember. "Don't you 'kid' me, young stallion," I replied with a smirk, leaning my chin on one hoof while the other traced the rim of the cup. "You don't look a day over forty, whereas by pony standards, I'm effectively a senior."

When he started to blush at the compliment, my smirk became a knowing smile. "I'm betting Queen Haven feels the same way about you looking youthful," I added, sipping at my masala chai once more. Oh yeah, he's smitten to be sure, was my first thought the moment the affection flooded his aura at the mention of the mare's name. "You two make a cute couple, but don't worry. I'm not gonna blab to her daughters that you two are an item. Not my place to get in the way of young love."

Alphabittle nodded, sipping his own tea, and his eyebrow perked at the flavour. "Mmm, this is good," he exclaimed. "You mind if I add this to my regular menu?" I just grinned and set some bits down on the counter. "So what brings you out to Bridlewood, anyway?"

With a shrug, I drained the cup and turned to look out at his café. "I'm looking to get my hooves on some quality crystals," I answered, pulling a sheet of paper out of a pouch on my harness. I set it on the counter beside me and pushed it back toward him. "I understand there's all sorts of magically active crystals here just growing freely in the forest. If in the main settlement isn't a good place to start collecting, could you point to a spot out in the forest where nopony's gonna miss a bunch?"

Peeking back over my shoulder, I saw him peering over the list. "Most of the varieties on this list are rare, or just straight up not native to the forest," he noted with a frown on his face. "Rubies aren't too common, and sapphires aren't in season, but there's a grove not too far from here where rose quartz grows year-round. Gimme a few minutes and I can draw you a map."

He turned and went somewhere out of sight, probably to consult a map himself. In the meantime, my gaze flicked back over to the picture of his missing daughter. She looks just like that young mare I had on my show that time, but she doesn't really carry herself like somepony who has been living alone in the woods since childhood. Definitely not from a good home, but... Against my better judgement, I snapped a close-up picture of the photograph with my phone. I need to be sure...

When he returned with a piece of paper with a hoof-drawn map, "Here you go," he said, holding out the map. "Just remember not to take too much or take any crystal veins down to the root. The forest doesn't like that."

I switched my phone to my text messages, where I had orders for teas for Izzy, Pipp, and Sunny. "Thanks, Alphabittle; I'll keep that in mind," I said accepting the map. "The girls also wanted me to pick up these blends for them. If you don't have any teabags or canisters ready, I can stop back in later."

~ Crystal Brighthouse ~

Several hours later, I stepped through the fold in space I'd temporarily conjured up in the Crystal Tea Room, exiting out into my quarters. I had to step carefully around the dozen headstone-sized chunks of quartz now sitting in my room. I'd need to take the time to break them down into more useful sizes and start charging them, but I was quite looking forward to getting back to work. For now, though, I need to—

The sound of movement when I reverted to my changeling form interrupted my thought. Immediately I levitated the charged crystal from the bedside table onto the infused copper plate used to activate the room's false sun. There, sitting on one of the large quartz chunks was a horned rabbit, staring at me with sad, beady little eyes. I looked up to the ducts, and frowned. There was some fur at the edge.

With a groan, I seized the little bugger with my magic and walked back over to the empty door frame. Activating the panel, a door appeared in the frame, and I reached out and opened it into the living area of the Brighthouse. Everypony, Hitch included, was gathered looking at a bunch of stuff that was never there before. Pet stuff.

"What's all this?" Hitch was saying, looking at everything while a bunch of small critters played about.

"It's your 'Critter Corner'! Now the animals have a place to chill if the garden gets to be magically way too much," exclaimed Izzy.

Zipp was quick to add on, "... Or if they want a solid lead on hanging with their best buddy Hitch."

"Awes—"

Finally, everyone noticed me standing at the gateway to my little domain, a jackalope—or an almiraj or whatever they called these bunny unicorn critters—hanging mid-air in a blue magical field beside me. "You might want to pet-proof the duct-work up here," I commented, floating the little goblin over to the modern-day Flutterguy. "This little morsel fell into my room, and if I'd chosen to fly back from Bridlewood, it could've been down there, possibly hurt, for a while."

Even as he took the critter in his hooves to check it over, Hitch shot me a look. "Could you not talk about him like he's food?" he asked, slowly stroking the critter. The bunnicorn squeaked something out, and then Hitch translated. "Stanley's sorry about intruding into your space, and he's thankful for your timely arrival."

I wanted to say something in response to his request to not talk about the animals like they're food—even though they totally are, just not for ponies—but the words died in my throat. Instead, it simply looked like I opened my mouth to point out the sharps inside my mouth. "Yeah, well, can you ask your little friends not to play in the ducts? Burnt fur smells awful and I don't want someone ending up in the furnace," I finally said, reaching into my pocket dimension and pulling out the bag with the canisters of tea leaves. I quickly levitated it over to Sunny, and then strode toward the main door. "Got your teas here, girls. I'm going to go take a nap up on balcony and soak up some sun. Come get me if you need anything."