Nurses Complaining About Penises

Chapters

A Detailed Physical Examination
Non-Standard Equipment
Egregious Sample Collection

A Detailed Physical Examination

Fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Anon scrambled with the blanket, mostly just pawing at the thin cotton layer, unable to take hold of anything tangible as the voices in the hallway got closer and closer.

“...and this should be our last patient on rounds today, one I’m sure you’ve heard much about…”

FUCK!

Giving up entirely on his clumsy hooves, Anon awkwardly bent over and grasped the turquoise medical blanket in his teeth, doing a fairly poor job of dragging it back over his body. He hated these stupid hooves, dumb clumsy things that couldn’t come close to what he could have accomplished with his hands.

If he did still have his lovely opposable thumbs, pulling this godforsaken hospital blanket back to cover his bedridden body would have been a snap. Instead, it was barely accomplished in time as he also snagged his pillow, using both to obscure his lower half as the door opened and three mares trotted into his hospital room.

“And… here we have our famous resident interdimensional being. Equestria’s one and only human… or should I say former human, Anonymous.”

“Uh, hi.”

“Oh!” The earth-pony doctor looked up from her clipboard, brushing a strand of mane out of her face as she addressed him. “You’re up! Fantastic,” She glanced over at the other two mares that had entered with her, one being nurse Redheart, and the other a rather young-looking unicorn mare in a lab coat, with a stethoscope draped about her unicorn neck. “Nurse Redheart, the chart says he was still unconscious as of last check a few hours ago?”

Redheart nodded, shrugged. “I think nurse Heartsick checked up on him before lunch, he was still out then.”

“Ah, I see. Well, it’s a great chance for you to practice your bedside manner Tender Care!” The middle-aged doctor motioned with her nose toward him. Her black, bob-tailed mane left her gray-furred slender neck completely visible. Her eyes were still bright behind her wide-rimmed, utilitarian, black-spectacles, though the effects of stress and a difficult job had already begun to accumulate at the corners.

“H-hi there!” The orange unicorn squeaked, before slowing and collecting herself. “Hi, my name is Tender Care. I’m a medical student working at Ponyville General under the tutelage of Dr. Tourniquet. I’m here to do a brief exam and make sure you’re feeling OK.” The mare was younger than her teacher, maybe only a few years out of high-school… still bouncing with that nervous energy and grinning a smile that was just a touch too energetic.

Anon stared back at her, his mouth hanging slightly open in confusion. “Uh… OK?”

“Great!” The medical student looked down at her chart, “How are you feeling right now, Mr. Anon?”

“Just Anon is fine.” He grunted, pulling a pillow from behind him and awkwardly shifting it over his lap. “And… uh, a bit confused. Do we need to do this right now?”

“Uh…” The medical student glanced with uncertainty over her shoulder at the doctor, who nodded patiently. “It… shouldn’t take a minute… do you know why you’re here?”

Anon scoffed, fuming slightly and rolling his eyes. “Yeah, because dumbass Princess Sparkle decided to give me a potion that could cure hiccups…and though I admit my hiccups are gone… I am also now apparently a fucking pony.” He gestured down at his blue-furred earth-pony body.

“Ah yes, that’s on your history from the Princess. Quite extensive actually.” Tender Care looked down at her notes, “She even has a preliminary theory… the potion acted as a magic ‘cure-all’, ridding you of the disease of being human.”

“That’s pretty fuckin’ racist.” Anon huffed. “I liked being human.”

“Ahem…?” Doctor Tourniquet cleared her throat, looking expectantly at her student. “Maybe stick to updating the chart?”

“Oh sure. Sorry!” Tender Care squeaked, flipping a page on the chart. “Vitals, pressures, meds all seem to be in order from the last check-in… I see we did a full rectal exam and-”

“You did what?” Anon yelped, looking over his shoulder and trying to see behind him. “Why would you do that?”

Doctor Tourniquet sighed and stepped in, brushing her student aside for a moment. “You’re the first ever documented physical conversion of one species to another, not counting hippogriffs… we had to collect extensive details on your physical form. You’ve had scans, magical probings, tests… the whole gamut. You’ve been out for several days.”

“Sheesh!” Anon threw up a hoof in frustration. “Just how long am I going to be stuck here… like this!?” He gestured at himself, in pony-form.

“Right now, we’re not even sure if the process can be reversed.” Dr. Tourniquet sighed. “As for release, I think we’re all convinced that you’re healthy… but we’d like a couple more days to establish your new physical baselines… just in case anything new comes up.”

“So I’m a prisoner.”

“Why don’t we just let Tender Care finish our check-up and we can let you get some rest?”

“Uh, actually ma’am… I think that’s it. Nothing else on the chart.” Tender Care smiled meekly.

Dr. Tourniquet sighed and shook her head, “Really? No new circumstances to report on his chart?”

Tender care looked slightly confused, cocking her head slightly.

“Nurse Redheart, would you perhaps like to show our medical student what she’s missing?”

Nurse Redheart smiled with an impious grin, trotting over to Anon’s bedside. “Sure Doc… She might want to notice when a patient is maybe obviously hiding something…” She nodded down at the pillow on Anon’s lap.

“Now, just wait a min-”

In a whisk, Redheart took hold of the pillow and the blanket, and pulled them off of his body…

Exposing the very flimsy scrubs that barely covered his chest and lower-body… and certainly didn’t do anything to conceal the massive, bobbing erection that proudly flag-poled up in the air.

“Gah! Hey!” Anon yelped, trying to cover his junk and utterly failing, not having nearly enough hoof and foreleg to cover up his stiff stallionhood.

“When a stallion is covering his front like that, 95% of the time it means he has an erection.” Nurse Redheart casually motioned toward his junk.

“His d-dick was erect?” Tender Care squeaked, shielding her eyes with her clipboard… but not in such a way that her eyes couldn’t drink in Anon’s full glory.

“Excuse me, Tender Care.” Dr. Tourniquet growled, clearly displeased. “That is a penis. Nothing more, nothing less. And you are a professional.” She put a hoof on the clipboard covering her student’s eyes and lowered it. “Act like one.”

“B-b-but… that’s a really big di… uh penis, Ma’am.” She was blushing profusely, her eyes racing between Anon’s stallionhood and her tutor’s displeased face.

Dr. Tourniquet rolled her eyes and shook her head, before grinning over at Redheart. “See Red? I told you these city-mares like to pretend they are ‘experienced’... but in reality, the biggest sausage they’ve ever seen was pre-packaged at the grocers.”

Nurse Redheart just smiled and nodded knowingly. “Would you like me to perform a quick exam, Doc?”

“No,” Dr. Tourniquet shook her head before turning to address her student once again. “Out here in the country, Miss Care, fillies have been seeing and touching and working with penises since they got their cutie marks.”

“Uhm… w-” Tender Care looked confused.

“Every earth-pony in Ponyville has a harness for hauling, plowing, working. And every stallion has had their mother, sister, or some other female in their life help to hook things up. It is not a big deal. It is a penis.”

“Oh.” Tender Care squeaked again. “B-but he’s… fully erect.”

“Most mares have probably seen most stallions at full-staff here in town.” Nurse Redheart mentioned nonchalantly, “harder to miss an earth-stallion… they tend to be more noticeable.” She gestured with the tip of her hoof at Anon’s bobbing tip. “Miss Care, I can see I’ve identified a gap in your medical training… one that we should patch up, right now.” The doctor sighed and her stern expression softened, “It just will not do to have sexual hang-ups in the medical profession. So you’re going to perform an anatomical examination and description for me.”

“Excuse me?” Anon yelped, still awkwardly struggling with himself as he tried to position his forelegs between the 3-pairs of female eyes in the room. “Don’t I get a say here? I don’t think I really need a dick-inspection.”

“Ahem~” Dr. Tourniquet cleared her throat and directed her stern, experienced gaze over the rim of her glasses. “Firstly, this is a teaching hospital. This allows us to provide you, as a special ward of the princess, with free medical care. If you’d like to switch to our private services, I’d be happy to accommodate you! Just let me know your insurance provider and we’ll get right out of your hair.”

“Fuck.” Anon breathed under his breath.

“I thought so.” The doctor grinned. “Second: you may not be aware of this, Mr. Anon, since you are a relatively new guest to our world... but reproduction is a major concern of the crown. We have only one stallion for every three mares in Equestria, and this is a huge impediment to population growth.”

Anon tilted his head ever so slightly, trying to follow the logic.

“Fewer males, fewer marriages, fewer foals. We’re always fighting very hard to not see our headcount decrease generation after generation.” Tourniquet quietly snagged the clipboard out of her student’s hoof and glanced down. “Naturally, keeping every stallion as healthy as a horse—in every way—is one of the primary responsibilities of the Equestrian Health Service.”

“Uh… and?”

“And we keep rigorous data on all of our stallions and their reproductive health.” She sighed, flipping the paper over and glancing more closely at something on the second page, “As the senior doctor at Ponyville General, I’m expected to have monthly visits with every colt and stallion to have the most up-to-date statistics to provide back to the central authority in Canterlot.”

“So what does that hav-”

“You might be surprised to hear this, but every male of Ponyville’s weight, height, genetic health, general health… and reproductive health is recorded and updated in intimate detail. Every month. By my staff.” She flipped another page and turned the clipboard, showing a nearly blank form of missing data. “I know when each and every colt in town hit puberty, I know when each and every colt had their first erection, I know how large that erection was. I tracked the growth of their reproductive organs through to adulthood. Our labs ran fertility tests on their first ejaculations. We interviewed the sexual partners of our males to understand performance issues.”

Anon gulped.

“Simply put, in Equestria, stallion virility is a matter of national security. And no-pony escapes the requirements.” She tapped the blank form, which Anon could see even had a few diagrams that were clearly displaying a stallionhood and testes.

“B-but I’ve never had to do any of this before!” Anon scooched backward in the bed, distancing himself slightly from the medical professionals surrounding him.

“Well, before you were of a different species. Twilight confirmed early on that your chromosomal count differed from ours sufficiently to put you out of scope of our requirements.” Tourniquet sighed, “Now… you seem to have successfully entered our gene pool. Congratulations. “

“B-but I’m going to be turned back any minute, right? You don’t need this because I’m not going to be a damn pony.”

Tourniquet shrugged, “Maybe. Maybe not. I haven’t heard anything particularly encouraging on the reversal spell investigations underway. But regardless, the Equestrian Health Service is very bureaucratic… and I’m not going to risk my license by having incomplete records. So…”

She pointed with the nib of her pen at her student, then shifted the point to Anon’s sizable erection.

“...data.”

“So I should uh…?” Tender Care lit her horn and took a step forward, pulling out a small ribbon of measuring tape.

“W-woah!” Anon yelped, as the humming blue glow slid through the air to the point on his body where his lower belly fur started to transition into the smooth skiing of the base of his stallionhood.

“Excuse me, I’ll just need to take some measurements and-”

“No,” Tourniquet interjected, shaking her head. “No magic, please. It is important to be able to provide care in a manner familiar and comfortable to our patient.”

“A-ah…” Tender Care blushed, Anon could see the nervousness in her eyes.

“It’s OK, I don’t mind if sh-”

“Thank you, but this is also important for my student’s growth as a medical professional. Hooves-on examination, please.”

“O-ok.” Tender Care gulped, and began to pull a latex hoof-cover from a nearby box.

“If you wouldn’t mind, uh… just… stabilizing yourself and moving your hooves out of the way?” Tender smiled with such a mixture of embarrassed eagerness that Anon could feel his heart melt.

Her free hoof took one end of the measuring tape and lifted it up to near Anon’s tip, stretching a long ribbon out beneath it that slipped right down into his lap.

Tender was being careful to avoid actually touching his phallus, hoving a fraction of an inch away as she began to look downward for the overall length measurement.

“Ah-ah-ah,” Tourniquet stepped in with exasperation, gripped her student’s upper hoof and pressed it into Anon’s tip, pushing the frog holding the ribbon of measuring tape with a squish against his hot, pulsing flesh.

“Accurate measurements, please.” Tourniquet used her other hoof to take Tender’s lower hoof, lifting it up from where it was hovering above Anon’s lap and pushing it against the base of his penis… before sliding it up his shaft, pressing the measuring tape against him tightly. “You’ll notice his stallionhood has a noticeable dorsal curvature upward, which is quite common when dealing with organs in the upper 5% of the size distribution curve.”

She moved her student’s hoof all the way up Anon’s throbbing blue stallionhood until it rested just above the ring about a third of the way up his total length. “You’ll actually under measure due to this unless you take him in thirds and add it up. Starting here.”

“Ah-ah! O-o-oh kay…” Tender Care was shaking with nervousness, her cheeks bright red.

“Relax, it won’t bite you. This is just another organ.” Tourniquet cooed, more comfortingly than before. She lifted her hooves off her students’ and picked up the clipboard and pen again. “Now, measurements?”

“Seventeen and seven/eights-”

“We only take measurements in halves, so that will be eighteen inches.” Tourniquet made a note on the chart with her pen. “Now, a quick anatomical description, please?”

“Uh… OK.” Tender’s eyes met Anon’s briefly, before she glanced away with embarrassment, re-focusing on his penis, she moved her hooftip back down to his balls.

“Scrotum appears intact and with normal bilateral symmetry,” her hooves pressed slightly into his sack, rolling the orbs inside slightly from side to side, “No indication of any hernias, internal damage or nodules, testicles appear to be… above-average?” Tender tilted her head toward her teacher, unsure if her characterization was correct.

Tourniquet glanced down and nodded, “At the very least.”

“Ok, then moving up to the lower third — ischial arch and preputial orifice seems elastic and strong…” Tender was delicately pulling at the little patch of skin that attached the very base of Anon’s stallionhood to his lower belly, “...ischiocavernosus muscles seem smooth...the external preputial lamina appears free of any injury and is free of any dermal xerosis but -oh wow.”

Anon blinked, looking down at where Tender was touching, his heart thumping.

“Oh wow?” Tourniquet grumbled, the lecturing tone rising again in her throat.

“Ah, sorry!” Tender shook her head and cleared her throat quickly, “Sorry, just… I just realized the radial circumference of the lower third… especially taking into account the superficial venous vein…” Tender’s hoof briefly traced along the thick, ketchup-like vein on the base of Anon’s cock, “h-he’s… quite thick.”

Tourniquet frowned, then gestured with her pencil to the measuring tape again. “Measurement, please.”

Tender wrapped the tape around the base of Anon’s cock, making him gulp slightly at the sudden tension, which made his blood throb briefly underneath the tight band of tape.

“Woah, nine and a half.” Tender lifted the tape, her hoof pinned on the mark she had measured to, as if she was worried Tourniquet wouldn’t believe her.

“Mm good that you caught that, I was going to ding you for not taking girth measurements earlier… and tell me why our patient scoring in the fifth-sigma on the circumference-curve is relevant?”

Tender glanced down at the fat hunk of stallionhood in her hoof and then back at her teacher a couple of times, her brow knitting. “Uh… prophylactic sizing?”

Tourniquet tsked, with a little shake of her head. “True, though very much less an issue, especially considering how much we are discouraging their use for our population efforts.” She tapped the clipboard and went on, “Just imagine for a moment that our patient here happened to be your first experience with a stallion as a young filly.”

Tender blushed slightly, glancing at the towering stallionhood and then up at Anon’s eyes again. For a moment, through tender’s deep green irises, Anon could almost see the young doctor’s actually imagining the two of them fucking. Both of them quickly swallowed and glanced away, the young doctor trying to reset her composure.

“I see, ma’am.”

“I doubt you do, Tender.” Tourniquet chided gently. “Though I guarantee you will through your career — larger earth-pony males can cause some startling injuries, particularly with less-experienced pegasi partners, which would be the most extreme size disparity.” She reached forward with her pencil and tapped right at the thickest part of Anon’s penis.

Anon swallowed, still trying (and unable) to calm himself from the amount of female attention being paid to his stallionhood.

“In our patient’s case, with this level of girth, I would warn him against inexperienced unicorn partners as well. We should also write a script for a handy supply of lubrication.” She glanced up beneath her glasses at Anon.

Unlike Tender, Tourniquet’s eyes were calm, collected. Professional.

“Mr. Anon, I’m going to ask that you be extremely careful with your choice of partner. You may actually injure smaller, less-experienced mares. We’re going to recommend that you always use lubrication before having sex.”

Anon grumbled, his frustration rising up again. “I’m not planning on having any sex… not while I’m… like this.”

Tourniquet and Tender smiled slightly as if pitying him. As if he was some foolish child.

Tourniquet sighed and shook her head. “Of course. Of course. I would also strongly recommend against anal sex. It is illegal, anyway, until a stallion has met his obligations for the calendar year. But in your case, I think even a yak-ess would struggle to accommodate you.”

“Wh-what?” Anon coughed. “I just said I’m not going to fucki-”

“Moving on.” Tourniquet stepped back and gestured to her student again to continue.”

“R-right…” Tender’s hoof slid up, pressing against the weird ridge in the middle of his shaft. “Preputial ring is… firm. Dermal coloring shifts to hypopigmentation at about two-thirds point.” Her light hoof-touch traced along the path where his dark, fur-color matching blue skin began to mottle and shift to a bright pink.

“On to the inner-lamina of preputial fold — skin appears shiny and well-lubricated, clean an-”

“Sniff test.” Tourniquet interjected.

“M-ma’am?”

“Sniff the area.” Tourniquet lectured. “Best way to identify immediately if a stallion is maintaining proper hygiene of his sheathed area.”

“B-but hasn’t the nursing staff been maintaining his cleaning regimen while he’s been here?”

“I asked for a full inspection, Tender.”

Tender swallowed and leaned in, her nose coming ever so close to Anon’s cock. He could feel the light waft of her breath from her nostrils as they lightly flared and sniffed his penis.

“Uh… no bromhidrosis.” Anon noticed that the young medical pony was blushing fiercely, and slightly licking her lips.

“...And?” Tourniquet prodded.

“A-and?”

“And what was the smell?” Tourniquet gestured again with her pencil. “Pleasant? Arousing? Neutral?”

“A-ah…” Tender swallowed again, her chin ducking down, making her mane cover her face slightly, she seemed to be shrinking before Anon’s eyes, as if hoping she could disappear. Her voice dropped three-levels in volume, almost a murmur… “a-arousing.”

“Scale of one to ten?” Tourniquet asked, twisting the knife into her pupil without changing her calm, professional tone .

“N-nine.”

“Good.” Tourniquet nodded, making a check. “You’re not in estrus now, if I recall?”

“No. I’m on blockers.”

Tourniquet tilted her head slightly. “Really? Which ones?”

“MFSSAD.”

“Magical full spectrum sexually-active defense.” Tourniquet mumbled over to Anon, as if she were explaining a simple concept to a small child, “It’s rare, but some mares prefer to avoid pregnancy - the spell also nullifies all sexually transmitted diseases.”

“I-I just want to focus on my career, for now.” Tender blushed, rubbing one hoof on another.

“Mmhm, we’ll see how long that lasts.” Tourniquet had a small knowing grin to herself. “Anyway, pardon my interruption, please continue…”

“Yes, of course… up to the free portion of the penile body…”

“Feel for any anomalies in the dorsal process.” Tourniquet instructed.

“Uh… of course.” Anon shuddered as Tender’s hoof-tip traced along the top of his rigid horsecock, her hoof sliding along his bright pink skin and stopping just under his bulbous head. “Nothing, all normal.

Tourniquet nodded.

“Uh, upper penis beginning with the corona glans is-”

“Before describing, you should perform a Stat-Scalpel compression test.” Tourniquet chided gently.

“Sorry ma’am, I’m not familiar with that.”

“Hm. Not sure what they’re teaching in medical school these days.” Tourniquet placed the clipboard on the bed and reached forward to take her pupils’ hooves in hers. “It’s named after the two doctors who came up with it — a method for simulating the flaring swelling process that occurs when a stallion ejaculates. Place your hooves here and here.”

Anon tried to scooch back slightly, as suddenly two sets of hooves were pressing into the thick base of his new stallionhood, pressing up against a rather tender spot deep in his groin.

“Please, don’t move Mr. Anon. Thank you.” Tourniquet noted quickly, freezing him in place. She turned back to Tender and continued instructing her. “By pressing against the main artery and the nervous system attached to the erector muscles here…”

Anon felt an electric shiver run up his spine as the presing hooves found a particularly sensitive vein.

“...you can stimulate a flare to inspect size and skin condition without needing the ejaculatory process. Go ahead.” Tourniquet pulled her hooves back.

“OK… in 1, 2, 3.”

“AH! F-fuck!” Anon felt fireworks of overwhelming sensation explode behind his eyes as the unicorn’s hooves pressed into him with force. It wasn’t quite the same as an orgasm… but not too different either. It was as if the sensation was only the parts of an orgasm related to the actual sexual organ… And the current sexual organ he was sporting was so much larger than his previous one that the effect was multiplied beyond his tolerance.

All he could do was squirm and swear and watch the spectacle.

His rigid, long, blue-pink cock strained and stretched, arcing upward as it throbbed with more blood… growing another inch before his eyes… and then his already large cockhead blossomed.

It was the weirdest, strangest, best feeling he’d ever experienced.

The dome-like end expanded to almost twice its previous size, the round smooth edge of his glans becoming knobby as it flattened and thickened into a saucer-plate disc.

“F-fuck!” He grunted again, under his breath.

A silver-clear splatter of something slipped out of his tip, sputtering at first then running down his considerable length in a long, clear sticky drip that ran all the way down to his medial ring… where it then dripped onto the hospital bed sheets.

“And you can release it now. He will stay flared for a few moments.” Tourniquet chided. “You don’t need to hold for that long.”

“Oh, sorry.” Tender blushed as she apologized, releasing the pressure and letting Anon breathe again. “D-did I cause him to… ejaculate?” Tender was carefully tilting Anon’s penis, inspecting the long sticky strands coursing down his penis.

“No, unlikely.” Tourniquet shook her head. “Not impossible if you apply that much pressure and your patient already has fairly full seminal vesicles, but I don’t think our Mr. Anon is quite that much of a quick shot. That is likely pre-ejaculatory fluid, but it certainly is a copious amount.” She made a couple of notes on her clipboard, “I’ve heard rumors that Kirin males are fairly prodigious in that capacity, but it seems our patient also lubricates quite well. Probably a good trait for him to have, considering his size.”

“Ah,” Tender moved her left hoof, which had gotten a bit of the dribble onto her. A long, sticky strand of clear lubrication connected her hoof and Anon’s shaft. Her nostrils flicked. “Ah.”

Anon noticed Tourniquet’s nose twitching as well, and for the first time he saw the stoic doctor’s cheeks turn a slight shade of red. “Pungent. Isn’t it?” Tourniquet mumbled to herself.

“Should I open a window?” Nurse Redheart spoke up for the first time in a while. “Mr. Anon’s musk is quite potent.” Anon saw her wipe her brow with a hoof, as her cream-tan tail swished in the air energetically.

All three mares’ tails were swishing.

“S-sorry.” Anon mumbled.

“Oh, not at all Mr. Anon.” Tourniquet quickly focused on him, realizing suddenly how their words might have been taken. “Your scent is not at all unpleasant. In fact it might be a bit too pleasant, if you understand my meaning.”

“It’s like cedar and pine and melting chocolate turned up to eleven,” Redheart mumbled, shaking her head as if to try to clear the air from her face.

“Ahem.” Tourniquet coughed into her hoof, “However, we are professionals. And we will proceed… Tender?”

“Ah!? Ah, y-yes… sorry ma’am. Of course.” Tender had seemed to be staring into the middle distance, her mouth slightly agape.

A wry smile appeared once again on Tourniquet’s muzzle. “Well, how about a quick taste test of Mr. Anon’s fluid?”

“W-what!?” Tender stumbled a half-step backward, staring at the small strand on her hoof.

“Why not? He’s free and clear of every and all indicated transmissible diseases, and it is diagnostic. Just ask Nurse Redhear-”

In a flash, Nurse Redheart stepped forward, slipped her hoof along the underside of Anon’s stallionhood, gathering a healthy portion of his pre-ejaculate… and with a swift motion took it into her mouth.

“Mmm…” Nurse Redheart’s grunt seemed a bit too pleased with itself, her eyelids fluttering slightly. But she quickly blinked and then removed her hoof and spoke, “Slightly fruity - no tartness or excess sugar — his liver and kidneys are likely functioning just fine. Aphrodisiac effect is quite potent.”

Tourniquet frowned and in something almost resembling a low growl, rebuked the nurse. “I meant for my student to perform the action, Ms. Redheart.” She nodded sternly at Tender. “Go on.”

Tender gulped once, before bringing her slender tongue out to lick her hoof. She swallowed loudly.

Anon watched her face go three shades redder, and saw her tail lift ever so slightly… before the young student consciously re-tucked it under herself.

“Y-y-yes. I concur. Quite potent.” She squeaked out, hiding behind her bangs.

“Very good — please complete the examination.”

“Ah… Ok.” Tender’s hooves were shaking now as she gripped Anon’s bulging penis-head, “Corona glans is quite pronounced, some knurling…” her hoof tip slid over the strange bumps that had formed along the flared edge of Anon’s ridge, “...glans penis is smooth and clean, well-moistened, no abnormalities.”

“Mmmnf!” Anon squirmed as the nurse’s delicate hoof traced over his extremely sensitive bulb, each nerve ending firing powerful and novel pleasure signals to his brain.

“Very good, urethral inspection?” Tourniquet hummed nonchalantly.

“Wait, what?” Anon began to complain, as a small stiff speculum was lifted from a nearby cart by Tender.

“Nuh-uh, you aren’t jamming that up my pee hole!” Anon grunted, feebly tring to pull his paper-thin hospital gown over his bobbing, stiff erection.

“You’re right, that’s the wrong size… she should be using this.” Tourniquet lifted a different sounding speculum, slightly wider.

“What!?” Anon’s jaw dropped open. “Hell no.”

Author's Note

Hey there!

Hope you're enjoying the first bit of this. Sorry I haven't been posting as much. I've gotten a bit addicted to AI chats and SillyTavern AI (look it up if you're ready to devote most of your life to ERP chatting with AI bots), which has consumed most of my writing time.

I don't really know WHY I started writing this one. But I plugged away at it slowly, four hundred to five hundred words at a time.

Anyway, it was fun but definitely not one of my more 'wild' fics. Still, I tried to keep it light and goofy and hope you enjoy!

(There's a little bit of uncomfortableness for us male folks in the next few sentences, but don't worry, our medical mares will take good care of Anon)

Non-Standard Equipment

“Oh please, Mr. Anon.” Tourniquet rolled her eyes as she put a small coat of numbing lubricant on the stainless steel device, “You won’t feel a thing… and you’d better get used to cleaning out your urethra regularly… at least once a month.”

“I’ve gotta do what!?”

Tourniquet nodded, sighing. “I figured, it is far less common with species that don’t have longer, retracting phalluses. You see, smegma build-up, as well as dirt, oils, and other debris can form deposits…”

“Yeah, I know, just like with my old equipment… I just need to scrub under the foreskin. Uh, where is my foreskin?” Anon looked quizzically at his junk.

“That’s just it… the build-up will now tend to occur inside your urethra, potentially even causing a blockage… and infection.” Tourniquet nodded to her student, who took the speculum and stepped forward.

“Don’t you fucking dare, that thing is the size of a milk-shake straw! You aren’t going to jam it up my GAHHHHH!”

Anon quivered and shook as the student dexterously slid the speculum into his urethra, sounding several inches into him with a deft flick of her hoof.

“F-f-fuuuck!” Anon gasped. It was a bizarre feeling, stiff and stretching, burning and tingling, all at once. The rigid piece of steel slid several inches into him… before being quickly retracted.

“G-g-gah!” Anon jerked and twitched as the sound popped out of him, followed by a splatter of clear liquid — the pre-cum that had built up behind the invading device.

“Urethra is clean, elastic and flexible. He was easily able to accommodate the largest size, ma’am.”

“Yes, he’s definitely on the outside of the bell curve in several ways.” She nodded. “OK, very well done Ms. Tender… but I would like to see a little less hesitancy and more professionalism next time… agreed?”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“All that’s left then is the sample collection.” Tourniquet turned to the cart and opened a drawer.

“S-s-sample collection?” Anon gasped, still recovering from the impromptu exploration of an orifice he had previously thought impassable. “You need me to pee in a cup?”

Tourniquet shook her head as she continued exploring the drawer. “No, we don’t need a urine sample, that’s fine… oh this just won’t do.” Tourniquet lifted out what could only be described as a large, cylindrical tube… lined with silicon and fitted with a large, sturdy handle.

A fleshlight.

A big, medical fleshlight.

Anon suddenly realized just what kind of ‘sample’ the doctor was looking for.

“W-wait, you need a semen sample? What the fuck?”

“Of course — as impressive as your endowments are, they really aren’t of much use to the realm if your swimmers are unable to compete.” Tourniquet tilted the tube in her hooves. “Your semen must be checked for motility, abnormalities, et cetera… Nurse, is this really the largest size collection receptacle? There’s no way he will fit into this.”

“You’re damn right there’s no way I’m fitting into that! If you ladies need a sample, just give me a cup and get the hell out of here and I’ll arrange it for you. There’s no way in hell I’m letting you jack me off! I can handle it myself, thanks very much!” Anon crossed his fore-legs.

Tourniquet arched an eyebrow at him and tilted her head. “Really, you think you can collect your own sample? All of it? Without spilling a drop?”

“Sure! Done it plenty of times.”

“But not with your… uh… new equipment?” Tourniquet prodded.

“No, but it’s the same damn thing.”

“Perhaps. But perhaps not. Maybe just demonstrate to me the size of the ‘cup’ you would like?”

Anon shrugged and pointed at a beaker sitting on a shelf in the corner. “That should be fine.”

All three mares began to giggle.

“What!?” Anon groused.

Tourniquet, still giggling, picked up the 500mL beaker and hoofed it over to Anon. “Nothing, just that I was wondering how you’d manage to handle it when you inevitably overflow this three times over while in the throes of orgasm. Why don’t you just show me how you’d hold this cup to do the collection?”

Anon blushed, taking the cup in his hooves (difficult enough already with how unfamiliar he was with his new appendages. It was embarrassing enough to be so prominently exposed to these three females, his massive erection bouncing about proudly in front of them… without the added shame of trying to juggle the glass cup and his erection.

Awkwardly, he tried to position the cup in front of his head, like he would have if he were a human… except his penis was pointing straight up at the ceiling… and unlike his old equipment… there was almost no give in his new stallionhood… he couldn’t make it point even close to horizontal.

The tiny cup looked ridiculous as he positioned it, partly upside down on the tip of his penis. It was clear to all three mares watching that Anon had no idea what he was doing.

“Fuck.” Anon grunted, grumpily pushing the cup back to Tourniquet.

“Thanks.” Tourniquet put the cup back on the shelf, “I’m sure you could probably manage to produce a sample, of course… but I need your whole sample, not a little bit in the cup… and the rest on my walls.” She chuckled. “Now if you please, we do know what we’re doing.”

Anon mumbled, looking downward and nodding.

“To answer your question from before Doc, that is the largest receptacle in the standard cart.” Redheart shrugged. “We do have Mr. Macintosh’s custom receptacle but it is still being sanitized.”

“Yes, he was in this morning wasn’t he.” Tourniquet shook her head. “Damn. Guess we’ll just have to wait then.” Tourniquet sighed and began to turn toward the door. As she turned to the door she glanced back, looking at Redheart with a glance that implied some deeper understanding. “We will wait until the receptacle is sanitized, won’t we Miss Redheart?”

Redheart rolled her eyes. “Yes doc.”

“Good.” Tourniquet strode out the door, calling over her shoulder as she went. “Very nice to meet you, Mr. Anon. I’ll drop by later to see how things are going and we’ll see about your discharge. From the hospital, I mean.”

And with the loud click of the door, the senior doctor had left, leaving only the young doctor-in-training and the experienced nurse with the still-blushing, still awkwardly erect stallion.

Immediately, Red Heart sighed and walked over to the cart, opening up the same drawer that had contained the semen-extracting fleshlight, opening a side box and drawing out a box labeled ‘magnum XXXL unlubricated stallion condom’.

“W-what are you doing?” Tender squeaked, as the nurse pulled out a small, transparent squeeze bottle.

“Getting Anon’s sample.” Redheart casually replied, almost as if she were ignoring the student.

“B-but… Dr. Tourniquet said-”

“I heard what she said.” Redheart growled, rolling her eyes and whirling on the young student. “And I’ll give you a little piece of advice, kid.” Redheart fixed her bright eyes on Tender, “the doctors may technically be in charge of the hospital, but the nurses really keep this place running. If we wait on that custom sleeve to be ready, it means Anon won’t get discharged until tomorrow, which means this bed doesn’t get cleaned until tomorrow afternoon, which means we’re down to one long-term stay bed for almost 48 hours during a holiday weekend. That’s not gonna happen on my watch.”

Tender’s nose scrunched and her eyebrows knitted as she tried to understand, clearly even after a moment of thinking, she was unable to come up with a sensible solution so her mouth opened again, “I don’t understand, if you don’t have the right size sleeve why are you getting a condom liner ready?”

Redheart groaned and rolled her eyes as she whirled, the large condom wrapper torn so that the silicon sleeve inside could be easily accessed. “Kid, I’ve got a perfectly functional non-artificial ‘sleeve’ right here.” Her cherry-blonde tail flicked, tickling the side of her flank.

“W-wait.” The gears clinked together in Tender’s head, and her eyes widened, “WAIT, you’re saying you’re going to… buck him?”

Anon straightened up in the bed, his eyes widening. “W-what did she just say?”

Redheart grinned, shaking her head and rolling her eyes. “Bucking? Not at all, just some manual extraction.” She winked at the young doctor and nodded at the bobbing stallionhood, “If it just so happens that in doing so it helps me scratch a little ‘itch’ of my own… well, I just consider that a perk of the job.”

“Y-you can’t!” Tender’s face seemed almost pale. “It’s… unethical!”

“Kid.” Redheart sighed, putting a hoof on the student-doctor’s hock, “Are you really gonna pretend that your tail didn’t lift a little bit when you saw that…” Redheart flicked her ear and pointed with her chin quickly toward Anon’s flagstaff “...monster? Even we medical staff are just biological ponies - we have needs too, and if we can fulfill those needs while doing right by our patients…” Redheart shrugged as she strode over to Anon’s bedside.

Tender still seemed appalled, “B-but… but he hasn’t even consented, this is wr-”

“Mr. Anon,” Redheart cut Tender off sharply with an eye roll over her shoulder while casually and boldly gripping his stallionhood’s base with her right hoof to stabilize it, “Do you have any issue if I collect your sample with ‘non-standard’ equipment?”

Anon’s mouth hung open, slack-jawed, his brain once again seeming to be out of resources to process the situation he found himself in. His heart was starting to pound in his chest, a warmth forming in his belly as he felt the cute nurse give little squeezes through the frog of her hoof on the base of his new stallionhood.

“Uh…”

Redheart just smiled as he stumbled with his words, reaching forward with her other hoof and delicately balancing the thick disc of latex from the condom wrapper on the thick head of his stallionhood.

“Uh…” he repeated, as his mind struggled to catch up, watching the nurse’s movements. As he struggled to think about what to say next, his mind curiously wondered just how the Nurse could use one hoof to roll the condom down his length.

That’s when Nurse Redheart, still smiling warmly, leaned forward, and with the most skillful, delicate use of her teeth and tongue… unrolled the condom over the hoof-sized head of his penis.

“Uhhh!” Anon’s mumble was a bit louder as he saw the earth-pony use her dextrous mouth, despite it not being able to open enough to actually fit his girth, to unfurl the latex disk until it had firmly wrapped the tip of his penis. He could feel the warmth of her tongue through the latex as it pushed the latex over the lip of his head-ridge. It was the closest thing to a blowjob Anon had ever received (and maybe, technically it was?)

“N-nurse!?” Tender squeaked, standing rock solid, “H-he hasn’t consented, y-you can’t… I’m going to get the doctor!”

“Narc.” Redheart mouthed under her breath as she used her hoof to roll the remainder of the latex condom down Anon’s stallionhood — whistling softly at how even this largest size version barely stretched enough at his girthy base.

“Fine, I’ll ask again, sir…” She grinned, batting her eyebrows mischievously as her blue eyes sparkled and stared into Anon’s, “Do. You. Have. A. Problem. If. I. Use. Non. Standard. Equipment?” She mouthed each word singularly, before chuckling, clearly enjoying that Anon was stunned into stupidity.

Anon was unsure how he felt, his tail wagging underneath him, his muscles tensing and releasing, his nostrils flaring and trying to drink in the smell in the room… in short, his stallion biology quickly ramping into overdrive.

His mouth moved, quite without even realizing it: “W-what equipment?”

Redheart shot him an affectionate smile. She stepped back from the bed, whirled around, flashing the beet-red medical student an impish grin, planted her two rear hooves nice and wide, centering her plot so it was pointing right at Anon…

...and lifted her tail high.

“Why, this equipment.”

Anon had seen plenty of marehoods since coming to Equestria. It was unavoidable: tails would flick, breezes would blow, mares fell over, Derpy crashed into everything… pretty much every other day he would get an eyeful of pony pussy.

Although it had been titillating at first, it had never risen to the level of an object of arousal. The biology was just too different, and something in his monkey brain let him know that these folds of skin were just… not meant for him. While he might grin at seeing the butt of a pony, he certainly wouldn’t find himself getting his horny-level cranked to eleven…

But as that cream-colored tail lifted and shifted out of the way, he was pretty sure that he had just destroyed that horny-scale.

Anon wasn’t sure if it was his new stallion body (and it’s associated hormones), the fact that this was an aroused marehood he was seeing (instead of just the ‘normal’ ones he would catch glimpses of), or the fact that his unparalleled sexual depravity had just reached a new low… or perhaps some combination of all three.

The plump swell of Nurse Redheart’s flanks seemed almost pillowy soft, the light fuzz of her white fur doing little to blur the tight line of her lovely rear end. Anon could see the strength constrained there under the skin, her muscular earth pony stance perched invitingly wide.

Anon’s eyes traced lower, starting from the cute, smooth patch of skin underneath the mare’s upright dock. Strangely her ‘unfurred’ nethers seemed to be an ever so slightly-more cream-colored shade of white than her fur, as if her biology was purposely painting the target for his gaze.

Just below that wagging dock was Redheart’s tight, ring-shaped donut of flesh. Her tailhole, a quivering orifice that seemed taboo even to glance at, let alone imagine all the things a debauched stallion and a willing mare could do with it.

And there there was the holy grail. Redheart’s cream-colored marehood. It looked almost rosy-pink, and unlike any marehood Anon never remembered seeing. It seemed swollen and angry — much more plump and full than anything he’d seen before. The outer labia of equines looked almost alien, and yes so much more powerful and erotic than those of a human’s. Her sex glistened with wetness, reflecting the sheen of the harsh fluorescent hospital lights as the Nurse stuck her ass proudly up in the air.

“A-ah…” Anon began to mumble, before RedHeart took his breath away for the second time in as many seconds.

At that moment, for the first time, Anon saw a mare ‘wink’ without using her eyes.

In that brief glimpse, Anon could see all of the small earth-pony mare’s muscles shifting and squeezing in deliciously erotic synchronization; the pull of her powerful glutes, seeming to shiver through her thighs and up her nethers, ultimately making those powerful labial muscles squeeze and convulse.

In an instant, that perfectly plump pussy parted its pink petals. Those cream-colored lips became a flash of red-hot pink as she opened her depths to him for an instant, revealing a tight, vise-like tunnel of swirling muscular power and sticky-strands of steaming lubrication. Even more prominent than this welcoming gape was the massive, bit-sized love-button that throbbed out from Redheart’s soaking folds.

Anon gulped as he looked at the size of her clitoris; it was easily as large as two of his human thumb tips put together. He could only imagine what it would feel like to grind along such a dangerously sensitive nub of nerves.

*Neeeiigh!* *Snort*

Did I make those sounds?

Anon’s thoughts asked, though clearly the horsey noises had come from him.

Redheart didn’t seem to mind though, grinning over her shoulder at him, softly wagging her rear ever so slightly, causing her small crotchteats to swing pendulously below her. With a little snorting sniff of her own, Anon watched as the nurse blinked suddenly, making a funny face where one eye kind of squinted and her nose scrunched…

Before she ‘winked’ again, this time with an unmistakable squirt of marejuice that splattered to the floor.

“Shoot.” Redheart grunted, recovering from her convulsion. “Was hoping to avoid having to do any clean-up.”

“This is totally wrong.” Tender continued, though she hadn’t moved an inch.

“Oh give it a rest.” Redheart rolled her eyes as she put her hooves up on the nearby table covered in medical magazines. “He wants this, I want this, hay even Dr. Tourniquet wants this… just by different means. Besides, Anon here is a stallion now — he should have at least a little coaching in the use of his body before we unleash the mares of Ponyville on him.”

“Uhm…” Anon mumbled again, before clearing his throat and shaking his head. His nostrils felt like they were on fire… as if someone had scooped two spoonfuls of cinnamon into each and ordered him to snort; and yet it smelled amazing. “W-why does my nose… feel… uh…”

What are you even saying? Focus!

Anon knew he was rambling. Redheart looked back at him with affection and a sultry, smoldering gaze. Tourniquet seemed a bit more concerned, though affectionately concerned for him.

“Mr. Anon,” She gulped, as she stepped forward and levitated a stethoscope to his barrel. The cold steel of the instrument felt almost cooling as his muscular heart thumped against his ribcage, “...I’m afraid that your body has gone into rut.”

Tender Care saw the lack of understanding in his eyes and went on. “Your body has been primed by somepony’s-” she glanced angrily at Nurse Redheart, still wagging her full displayed bottom, “-actions. It won’t calm down until you’ve… uh… ‘released’.”

Anon felt his hooves moving without even being commanded, his lower body shifting out of the bed and slowly putting weight onto his hind legs, the covers of the bed sliding off, leaving only the thin hospital gown as a useless covering, his stallionhood proudly protruding out from under it. He nearly stumbled, his hooves sliding on the linoleum as he took his first step as a pony.

“C-careful!” Tender Care squeaked sliding under him deftly to take part of the weight of his upper body on her right shoulder as he tried to stand on all fours. The act brought his half-flared, fully-erect stallionhood brushing along the medical-student’s right flank, but she did her best not to react to the press of hot-wet flesh into her side… aside from the bright-red blush. “Are you… feeling OK?”

Anon nodded, even though that was probably the furthest thing from the truth he could imagine. Aside from the fact that every part of his body was feeling and acting decidedly non-human… he had a throbbing headache, his nose felt swollen and dry, his throat was constricted, his lungs were drawing great big gulps of air, his heart was hammering in his chest…

…and his cock ached as though Pinkie Pie had plugged a balloon pump into it and gone to town.

He leaned forward, staggering toward the inviting white flank and rear end of the nurse in front of him. It was like his whole vision had tunneled, the periphery of the hospital room fading as his target came into sharper focus.

All he could see now was that deliciously plump but pert ass as the nurses lower back arched even further, pushing her plot higher into the air and presenting herself even wider, her pink tail lasciviously whipping out of the way as it wagged, as if beckoning him in.

“W-woah…” Tender Care cautioned, as she continued helping him clatter over to the nurse.

“Mmmm… that’s it big boy…” Redheart giggled, wiggling her eyebrows at him and nodding. She took a couple of coy steps forward, bracing her forehooves against the empty bed in the room, which allowed her to rest her upper body and widen her rear hooves even more.

Sliding off of the student’s supporting shoulder, Anon fell forward, his hooves planting on either side of Nurse Redheart on the bed. “F-fuck…” He groaned involuntarily, more breathing it than saying it, as sweat began to bead on his forehead from the racing heart in his chest.

His body seemed to be moving of its own accord now, the instincts baked into his muscles knowing just what to do.

“Oh.. oh… SHIT.” Anon whisper-snarled as he felt his stallionhood flop down from his belly to lay across the nurse’s lower back with a meaty *thwap*.

“Ooh, it feels as big as it looks.” Redheart grinned with a coy giggle as she looked over her shoulder with a wink. “Go on then, it's not nice to keep a girl waiting…”

Anon grunted, his powerful new hindleg muscles instinctively bucking his body forward against the pleasant friction of Nurse Redheart’s backfur, even through the latex of the condom. His thick stallionhood pressed into her back, squished between their sandwiched bodies as he ground forward, pushing the Nurse’s hooves up off the ground so they were now hovering in the air.

“Oh my…” Redheart giggled, “well, take your time then, I suppose my back is nice too… I can wait until you’re ready for the main event.” She grinned impishly, affecting a casual indifference as she pulled a magazine from the bedside table over in front of her, spreading it open and pretending to read.

Fuck fuck fuck, why can’t I stop? Anon groused to himself, unable to stop his hips from thrusting vainly along the nurse’s back. It felt so good - the sensation of pleasant friction and sexual need easily tenfold anything he had experienced as a human - which made sense considering the surface area of the sensitive stallion cockhead was easily tenfold that of his former manhood.

“P-please…” Anon grunted out, his eyes racing over to look with desperation at Tender Care, who was watching with open-mouthed excitement, the medical student’s breathing coming in little puffing gasps.

The half-aroused, half-embarrassed student blinked and pointed a hoof at herself, ears flattened back against her head. “M-me?”
“Oh why don’t you hurry up and lend a hoof, already.” Nurse Heart sighed, “I don’t mind a backshot, same as the next mare, but we haven’t got all day - and he’s asking for help.”

Tender Care hesitated for a moment, before nodding and igniting her horn.

“Hahhhn…” Anon heard himself moaning softly, as he felt the magical field wrap around his condom covered cock, slowly and uncomfortably tilting and twisting his stallionhood… repositioning it. He couldn’t help but rear up to relieve the pressure of the force being applied to his stallionhood, clattering backwards slightly as the medical student rearranged his angle, aligning him anew.

“Oh… oh~!” He grunted again as he felt something new against his cockhead - something warm pressing through the thin layer of latex.

“Oooh…” Redheart squeaked, her neck muscles tightening and her body tensing up under him, “...he really is bucking big.” For the first time, Anon thought he heard notes of trepidation in Redheart’s tone.

Immediately, though his hips bucked instinctively. Under him, he felt the smaller nurse-pony tense and scooch forward, nimbly dodging his instinctive thrust.

“Easy there, big fella…” She chuckled nervously, “I’m uh… well just take it slow, OK? I’ll need a bit to uh… adjust to your size.” She glanced back over her shoulder at him with twinkling blue eyes and a delightful smile.

But Anon had no control over what his body was doing - he could feel his immense lower muscles tensing and priming for a new thrust, his teeth clenching as he softly let out a strained apology.

“S-sorry!”

He had a front-row show to Redherat’s blue irises as they widened and quivered, his next thrust hitting the ‘target’ squarely and driving home.

Author's Note

Anon's a lucky motherfucker.

Egregious Sample Collection

An audible *pop* filled the hospital room as Redheart’s plump white marhood lips were forced open, her inner pink labia stretching wide to permit the condom-covered, hoof-sized stallionhood into the first few inches of her vaginal canal.

“AH! AHHH! Ahhhhnnnnn~..... Mmm…..” Redherat’s first yelps of tense discomfort, easy to read in her clenching muscles, slowly unraveled into a delicious purr of contentment. Like a stretching cat, she moaned in a satisfied purr as her body adjusted to his size, her forehooves reaching out in front of her on the bed as her once-tense muscles began to unwind.

“OOooh… that was… intense…” she giggled, smiling over her shoulder before winking and nodding at him. “But it feels lovely now, ‘big fella’, please… continue.”

As she said this last word, Anon felt an incredible swirling, gripping, milking clench around the few inches of stallionhood that were now inside Redheart. There was no way he could compare the feeling to anything he’d experienced as a human — no fleshlight, toy, hand or even human vagina could compare to the firm muscular control of this earth-pony mare’s cunt as it coaxed his thick stallionhood deeper into her.

Anon groaned as he did as instructed — merely leaning forward to let the gravity of his weight sink a further 3 inches into the waiting mare. He watched as she sighed with contentment, shutting her eyes and pursing her lips and shivering, as if somepony had just scratched an itch that had been plaguing her for weeks.

“Mmm… that’s it, big guy… mmm… OOO!” A new squeak of surprise as the Nurse’s eyes flicked open in surprise once again, she blinked at craned backward - as if trying to see the site of their union for herself. When it became clear she couldn’t, she glanced over at the resident voyeur, the still-watching Tender Care.

“Was… was that his medial ring?” Redheart asked Tender Care with an astounded giggle, eyes twinkling.

Tender Care nodded silently, mouth open in awe. “I… I can’t believe you fit such a big bucking stallionhood in you…” she whispered, eyes unable to detach from the site of their union.

Oh, fuck. This is insane - I never imagined that something could feel so good. Anon though,, as his whole body began to find a slow steady rhythm, like a steam locomotive gathering speed. His heavy lungfuls of air rumble through his powerful equine nostrils, ribcage heaving in and out to oxygenate the huge horse-heart thumping in his chest, which throbbed blood into his muscles and stallionhood, driving the slow but relentless pace of his muscles as he slowly sank more and more of himself into the willing nurse.

“Hmmm… ah!” Redheart purred again as more of Anon’s stallionhood sank into her. Suddenly her face went bright red and her eyes shot wide, “Uh… w-wait a… oh n~”

*PBBbbbbbbbrrrrrrrrttttt!*

A loud, embarrassing squeaking sound of escaping air causing the vibration of moist lips filled the hospital room. But this hadn’t emanated from anypony’s ponut - this was a queef.

Redheart blushed brightly, her eyes locked on Tender Care who covered her muzzle, blushing as well though tears of mirth were forming in her eyes.

“Oh please.” Redheart grunted, rolling her eyes and grinning, “You try taking a dick this big without making some funny sounds. Ooh~!” Redheart made another ‘funny sound’ as Anon slid an inch deeper into her, his cockhead nestling up against the entrance to her womb.

“S-sorry…” Tender Care half-apologized, half-giggled. She shook her head with wonder again as she watched the slow but unstoppable, dripping invasion of Redheart’s marehood as Anon continued to press forward. “He’s almost hilted into you — just… how are you taking him?”

“Oof!” Redheart grunted, recovering from another prod of Anon’s bulbous tip against her cervix. “...Not easily! But remember this thing is designed to accommodate a foal’s head… ah!” She grunted again, clenching her teeth and shutting her eyes in focus. “P-phew…”

“S-sorry…” Anon managed to grunt, without slowing his movements.

Redheart looked over her shoulder at him again with those sparkling blue eyes, her pink tail lashing back and forth against his chest. “Nothing to apologize for, big guy. Now… ah-ahn~...” she grunted before composing herself, “...n-now, I’m gonna try to let you get… ah~... a little deeper. S-so, be careful. OK?”

Anon nodded, despite the fact he seriously doubted he could instruct this body to do anything but pump.

Redheart bowed her head again, resting her upper body as she focused entirely on her internal muscles.

W-what… what the hell is… that? Anon moaned, as he felt the mare’s clenching, tight vaginal walls relaxing, sagging away from him… and incredibly the barrier his stallionhood had been battering against seemed to suddenly… part. Ever so slightly.

It wasn’t a wall he was battering against - it was another orifice, deep inside Redheart. Her womb’s entrance.

M-mares can… do THAT?

“Mmmmmmmf!” Redheart grunted into the bedspread, her face buried in the sheets as she grunted in pained concentration.

Anon felt her cervix slip slightly, then a little more… before suddenly, with a jerk of sensation that sent a ripple of shuddering pleasure through both of them:

He hilted her.

“AhhhH!” Anon wasn’t sure who whinnied first - him or her, but the triumphant bellow quickly became a chorus as he luxuriated in the incredible feeling of being entirely surrounded by hot, grasping, squishy-pink velvet mare-muscle. For the first time, he could feel the wet kiss of Redheart’s tailhole against his abdomen, and the plump squishiness of her butt against his thighs.

“Whooooooo~” Redheart gasped, catching her breath and grinning, wriggling her hips back and forth, clearly experimenting with the feel of having 18 inches of stallion meat inside of her… and enjoying it. “I think that’s a new record!” She laughed, looking back at Anon with a big smile.

Anon could only dopily grin back at her, unsure what to say.

Redheart laughed again at his expression and winked. “C’mon big boy, it’s not the size of the boat - it’s the motion in the ocean…” she wriggled her eyebrows playfully as she unleashed a ripple of muscular contraction that started at her outer lips and milked Anon’s thick stallionhood all the way up to the throbbing tip lodged in her womb.

I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that! Anon thought as he clenched his teeth and shut his eyes in sheer exhilaration from the sensation.

“Let’s go, tiger.” Redheart purred, wriggling her eyes again, “No mare likes a stallion who just plugs a hole and leaves it at that. Ahn~! …even if you’re plugging it with something so big.” She grunted with a shake of her head, before whipping her tail to slap against Anon’s backside, “C’mon, your little nurse-y wants some thrusts!”

Anon gulped, and felt his hindquarters squeeze again, slowly pulling backward, feeling the delicious suction as Redheart’s wet lips gripped his shaft, her pink labia being drawn slightly out of her body. After only a couple of inches of travel, he reversed direction, sliding back into her to re-bury himself in her depths.

“Mmm~! Yes, that’s it.” Redheart purred, coaching him.

Again and again, Anon started to see-saw, in and out, slow and steady… with each thrust pulling out a little farther… then driving home a little faster…

“Ahn! Ahn~!” Redheart’s little grunts were coming a bit faster now, about one every three thrusts. Anon could feel the nurse's efforts as he moved as well - the timing of her muscles relaxing and squeezing, the twisting milking grip loosening just as he drove home… before clenching down tight as a vice to resist him as he pulled back… the throb of her button-sized clitoris against the ventral side of his shaft.

“Hah… y-yes… k-keep it up… f-faster…” The nurse coached, though it seemed she was having trouble now with her words, needing to find enough breath to spare to continue her speech.

PIC OCCURS HERE: https://pony booru.org/images/3205724

Five inches of thick, steaming stallionhood was sliding in and out of her juicy marehood now at the rate of about a thrust per second — and this was the moment that the medial ring he had buried minutes earlier began ‘popping’ in and out of Redheart with each thrust… the wide donut of flesh stretching her lips deliciously, a perfectly designed by nature sex-toy-feature that quickly was turning the white-furred nurse into a sweating mess.

“O-oh OH f-fuck!” Redheart squeaked, her forelegs slipping and causing her sweat upper-body to collapse onto the bed as the medial-ring lewdly popped in and out of her, each time battering her throbbing lovebutton. “F-fuck!” she swore again between breaths, unable to form more coherent thoughts.

The whole hospital bed was shifting now, the wheel locks never meant to withstand the force of an earth-pony stallion in rut. Bump… bump… BUMP… BANG… BANG! The bed began to slam with force into the concrete wall of the room.

“By Celestia…” Tender Care whispered under her breath as she watched the head nurse getting absolutely railed by their patient. She squirmed herself, thighs rubbing against each other as she tried to find a way to scratch her own growing itch without overtly showing she was doing so.

“Graahh!!!” Anon yelled, as he winced from the waves of pleasure assaulting his conscious mind. With each stroke, now coming at a pace of two per second, he could feel the whole of his strikingly sensitive stallionhood getting completely milked by Redheart’s powerful cunt muscles… could feel his thick, throbbing, swollen medial ring compress to squeeze into her elastic channel… could feel his painfully blood-filled cockhead pop into her deep and encompassing womb.

Over and over.

And now, as his instincts drove him to drive into her even harder, almost jumping with each of his power-thrusts, he started to feel the heavy impact of his balls against the mare’s ass.

*Plap plap plap plap*

Wet sounds of soaking mareflesh striking swinging stallion balls rhymed with the staccato beat of the bed’s impact against the walls.

*Plap plap plap plap*

“Oh… OH!!! OHHHHHHH!!!!” The nurse’s body tensed underneath him as her little grunts and groans became more insistent, concerned… warning. Her sweaty mane had fallen out from under her hat, giving her a wild appearance as she glanced over her shoulder at him, one of her pupils blown wide while the other retained focus, looking into his soul. And then she craned her head back and let out a bellow-cry:

“~*NEIGHHHHHHHHHHH!*~” The whinny shook the room as much as their thrusts, the whole of it making her chest rumble with vibrations that Anon could feel through his own chest… but quickly the vibrations of the whinny were replaced with vibrations of another type.

The skillful and milking convulsions that sucked and pulled at him suddenly went chaotic, even as they intensified in strength and volume. It reminded Anon of when he’d accidentally shocked himself with a dog collar, how all the muscles in his arm had gone into a tonic-clonic convulsion pattern, entirely out of his control…

That was what Nurse Redheart’s body was doing now, tensing and releasing underneath him in tidal waves of force as she drew on every muscle fiber in her body. Through the haze of his own diminishing vision Anon could see the sinewy lines of muscle in the powerful little mare’s back and legs as each muscular contraction rippled through her… each focused on one act: squeezing the huge cock inside her.

She was cumming. Climaxing. Emptying her whole being on his shaft.

And it wasn’t stopping… it was just going on and on. Four clenches. Five.

On the sixth, Anon felt the nurse’s fat, swollen clit pop out of her marehood, throbbing against his shaft as her vaginal lips winked open around him like a beautiful flower…

And then she soaked them both.

“HNnnnnnnnnnggggggh!!!” Her feral groan came in time with her squirting expulsion, her back arching up and down like a cat as she let loose splatter after splatter of wet, marecum ejaculation, the hot liquid coating his swinging balls and spilling down the insides of their thighs, to form a puddle on the hospital floor underneath them.

“J-..Just…” Redheart groaned, eyes spinning wildly as she shut and opened them, struggling to retain consciousness as Anon gave her the ride of her life. “Just… f-fucking cum already!” She managed to choke out her demand.

Something deep inside him stirred at her vulgar plea… unbidden, he felt his heavy stallion balls clench and rise. The dull ache in his loins became a searing hot knife twisting in his guts as the backup of fluid in his sexual organs demanded their immediate release.

“F-f-fuuuuuuuuck!!!” He swore, as he felt the strangest sensation. His huge cockhead, already feeling so filled with his hot, stallion-blood that he thought it might pop… began to change.

There was a twinge of pain, mixed with pleasure, as the knobby bulbous end began to unfold. Anon’s head thrashed as he felt the very skin of his tip, buried deep inside Redheart’s twisting mareflesh, stretched like an overfull balloon as he began to flare.

What had once been a hoof-sized cockhead began to expand and flatten, lodging itself deep in the smaller mare’s uterus as it stretched to the size of a dinner plate, making a sizable bulge appear in Redheart’s belly, just above her belly button.

Anon’s wild eyes looked down at the sweaty mare-back under him. Looked at the wild, flowing pink mane, long undone out of the prim and proper, professional pony-tail… now a mess of sweaty strands strewn over either shoulder and the nape of her neck in his feral lovemaking.

And his eyes focused on the nape of her neck. The flesh seemed so succulent, so soft… so right.

WIthout even knowing why, Anon bent forward, parted his teeth, took a delicately small portion of Redheart’s neck-skin in between his teeth… and bit.

“Oh YES!” Redheart moaned immediately, throwing her head back to nuzzle against his bite, reaching up with a forehoof to clench his mane tightly, pulling him even harder into the neck-nip. “Yes, baby… fucking fill me!”

Her groan was so deep and needy, so hungry compared to the snarky professional she had been only a short time earlier. But Anon didn’t care… In that moment, all she was was his mare… and she needed him.

Need him to do what the Goddesses intended.

Snarling into her neck, Anon felt the most wonderful release as the first explosive rope of thick, steaming stallion-cum rocketed from his tip - beginning to fill the condom buried deep inside Redheart.

“Yes… Yes baby! All of it!” Redheart cooed into his ear, her hoof pulling his mane almost painfully, forcing his teeth deeper into her neck.

He obeyed, his power-thrusts devolving into uncontrolled, instinctive mini-hip tilts, awkward and fumbling but fast enough to occur in time with each of the ejaculatory pulses rocketing through his shaft.

It was like nothing Anon had ever experienced before - any orgasm as a human paled in comparison to the feelings of his pony-body. Each pulse felt so much deeper, richer, then the pathetic memory of the many times he’d satisfied himself as a man. The feeling of his massive balls draining from the impossibly full tension they had contained only moments before putting the shame to the same sensations of his homosapiens testicles releasing. It was like putting a pebble next to Mt. Everest.

Maybe being a pony isn’t so bad.

“Oh GOD!” He groaned, his nip releasing as he moaned into Redheart’s nape.

“Good boy, that’s it.” Redheart’s husky voice groaned into his ear encouragingly, “Every last drop.”

His whole stallionhood ached now. It hurt. The sensations and stimulation suddenly all at once overwhelming — too much for his brain to rationally handle. It was paralyzing, every nerve ending on fire as his flare throbbed in the tight, milking confines of Redheart’s womb. Ripple after ripple of her body’s powerful contracting muscles squeezed inwards, clenching tight at his cockbase and rippling in a milking squeeze up to his flared tip, eking every last drop out of him.

With a shudder, he felt the fatigue of all of his stallion muscles in a sudden wave — and his forehooves slipped under him, making him flop like a dead fish onto the nurses sweaty back, pinning her to the bed top.

“Oof!” She gasped, as his bulk came down on her, knocking the wind out of her mid-gasp. He tried and failed to command his forelegs to move, to take his weight off the smaller mare’s body, but none of his muscles would respond… his body was completely limp and spent.

“Oh my, you poor thing.” She cooed, with a chuckle, once she’d re-gained her wind. “You gave it your all, didn’t you?” She wiggled her rear, the motion making his softening cock slip and twist inside her canal in an explosion of too-sensitive, refractory-period nerves… screaming into his mind to reduce the over-loading pleasure circuits.

“Nnnnghhh…” Was all he could manage, his tongue rolling out of his muzzle languidly.

“Is he… Is he OK?” Tender Care chirped, stepping forward nervously. “He didn’t… stroke out, did he?” She was nervously picking up her stethoscope with worry in her eyes.

Redheart laughed and rolled her eyes. “I doubt it — I think Mr. Anon here is still getting the hang of his new body, is all.” She grinned and then mischievously winked at the medical student, “...or my marehood is just that good.”

“Pft.” Tender Care couldn’t help but smirk.

“That’s better, about time you started lightening up a bit.” Redheart smiled, her tail wagging with the joy of a freshly-fucked mare. “Now, lend me a hoof please. I don’t think Mr. Anon will be able to do much for a little bit…”

“Ok…”

Anon felt the dim sensation of Redheart shifting under him, carefully bracing herself to take his weight strategically onto the strong-points of her shoulders. Simultaneously, the medical student braced herself alongside him, steadying him from slipping off.

“First things first.” Redheart grunted, “Can you uh… take him out of me?”

Tender Care blushed but nodded.

“Use your magic, keep a tight grip on the condom edge, remember this is supposed to be a sample collection — we don’t want to spill anything.”

Anon clenched his eyes tighter as he felt a warm, buzzing magical sensation around the base of his cock, as Tender Care’s magical TK field held the condom’s edge tight… and began to slowly pull his semi-flaccid cock out of Redheart’s pussy, which grasped him tightly, each slippery inch trying to hold onto him as he slid out of her with a wet *POP*.

“Woah.” Tender Care chirped, “That must have felt pretty big in there!” She was staring at Anon’s still throbbing flare, the green latex tightly wrapped around it now steaming in the air conditioned hospital room.

“Hoo yeah.” Redheart grinned, her pink marehood gaping wide and clenching involuntarily… the lips still too stretched from their recent invader to seal shut. “Definitely not for beginners.”

*SPLATTER*

A wet, thick dollop of juice rushed like a lewd waterfall out of Redheart’s gaping marehood and added to the growing puddle of slick on the linoleum floor.

“Uh oh,” Tender Care gasped, “Did the condom break?”

Redheart grimaced, her ear twitching for a moment, “Uh… th-that might just be me… I feel that there’s still something inside me, keep pulling.”

Tender Care nodded and kept pulling on Anon’s flaccid stallionhood… and the condom reservoir slid out of Redheart’s gaped, well-fucked cunt. A huge, water-balloon sized, latex-surrounded, half-gallon of stallion spunk fell out of her.

“W-woah!” Tender squeaked, just igniting a second TK field in time to catch the falling reservoir before it impacted the ground. With a quick motion of her horn, her tongue poking out of her lips in concentration, she whisked the well-used condom off of Anon’s shrinking penis, neatly tying the end with a knot to trap the copious sample inside.

“H-holy Celestia,” Tender Care gulped, a deeper blush forming across her face as she marveled at the huge balloon, filled with Anon’s thick, jelly-like sample. Her nose twitched, and she glanced at the rapidly deflating stallionhood, now exposed to the air. Her nostrils flared and she blushed deeper, turning away and covering her nose. “B-buck, it smells like a high-school locker room in here.

“I know, isn’t it great?” Redheart laughed. “Don’t deny it, honey, it’s just your body’s natural reaction to some fresh stallion-musk. Anyway, Let me see it.” Redheart asked. Tender Care obliged, carefully putting the condom on the bed next to Redheart.

Redheart whistled, clearly impressed. “Might be a record,” She prodded the squishy condom-balloon with her hoof, “Twilight sure knows how to make a stallion — certified grade A stud, for sure!” She laughed.

With a groan, Redheart began to push upward, carefully lifting Anon on her back. “A typical stallion, too; completely useless once the buckin’ is done,” she chuckled. “Help me lift him back into his bed!”

With some careful coordination, Redheart using what was left of her strength and Tender Care bracing her side and using what magic she could, the two mares managed to carry the limp stallion back to his bed, rolling him off Redheart’s back and into a supine position.

“Upsy-daisy!” Redheart grinned as Anon slid onto his back, his legs on top of the covers and his stallionhood now about a quarter of its fully-erect size, still poking out of his sheath but not nearly as aggressively.

“There we go, Sweetie.” She smiled, gently stroking Anon’s brow. “You just take it easy and rest up ok?” She hummed with a glow, the frustration and annoyance that had scrunched the features of her face earlier when she had entered his room with the two doctors replaced with a glowing, affectionate compassion. “And… there we go, you’ll be feeling better in no time!” She chirped happily as she reconnected his IV and put a soft kiss on his forehead, “Once you get hydrated you’ll feel right as rain!”

Tender Care could only blush and watch, her hoofs shifting left and right and her tail wagging slightly. Her eyes seemed almost… envious.

“Come on then, Doc.” Redheart smiled, using the term for the medical student for the first time. “Samples are s’posed to be processed fresh!” Redheart nodded primly, gently grasping the condom-balloon in her teeth, and putting it into a specimen container marked with a biohazard symbol. “We’ve got to get this to the lab.”

Redheart trotted to the door, her tail wagging like a happy dog. When she noticed the medical student hesitating, she looked over her shoulder. “Coming? What’s wrong?”

Tender Care gulped and blinked, then pointed back at Anon, half-asleep and still fully exposed on his back, his wet floppy stallionhood laying awkwardly and pathetically across his lap.

“Uh, is it ok to just leave him… like that?” She cocked her head. “Shouldn’t we at least cover him up or…”

Redheart grinned and winked. “Oh, not yet!”

“No?”

“Nuh-uh.” The nurse’s eyes twinkled, “Once we drop this off at the lab, we’ll come back here and give Mr. Anon a well-deserved sponge-bath, get him all cleaned up and change those sheets.”

“Oh.” Tender Care’s tail lifted, ever-so-slightly, but enough to make the experienced head-nurse smile inwardly.

Redheart stepped up the young mare with an impish smirk. “I was thinking that you could take the lead on the sponge bath… if you wanted.” She put a hoof around the medical student’s withers, leading her toward the open door.

Tender Care blushed again, looking over her shoulder at Anon. She gulped and nodded, the beginnings of her own smirk forming, “O-okay… I guess.”

The last thing Anon saw as the two giggling medical mares left his room was Tender Care’s blue tail lifting up high, giving him a fleeting glance of her slender unicorn marehood winking as she turned the corner.

Anon groaned, barely able to twist his neck, he was so drained. But he shut his mouth, a small smile forming on his lips.

Maybe being a pony ain’t so bad after all.

Author's Note

And there you have it!

Hope you enjoyed it! I had fun writing the first half of this fic, with the medical procedures and detail and nomenclature.

Honestly when things get to the squishy stuff in the latter half of the story I often feel like I've written all before, and sometimes I get a little anxious that you readers will figure out that my super long clop-scenes are all pretty similar in structure and story beats.

I've been doing a lot of AI bot ERP writing which is a ton of fun, and the more powerful bots (GPT-4, Claude 2, NovelAI) definitely can be quite creative and spicy in how they approach erotic writing and setting scenes... hopefully some of that dripped into this fic in a new way that you liked!

As to the future... I have no idea what comes next. I'm definitely winding this kind of writing down. I'm not saying I'm 'done', but it will continue to come out at this much, much slower pace (1-2 stories per year instead of 20+ like in my heyday).

Honestly, there are some AI ERP logs I finish up where I think to myself: 'damn I'd love to share this with fimfic'. Maybe that would be a way of trying something new... taking a chat and polishing it into a clopfic to publish here.

Anyway, as always, the only reason I write is for comments, really... so please, drop me a few!

Oh... and I did have a 15k+ littlepip story I have to finish at somepoint, so there is that next I guess.