Ghuzrod Sunrekka Becomes Da Biggest 'n Smartest!

I landed in the middle of the forest with nothing but a loincloth to hide my Ken doll-like crotch and a rock the size of my fist already clutched in my hand. I looked around to find that although it looked like I was somewhere civilization had yet to reach though that wasn't totally true. A fort, laid low by the passage of the endless centuries surrounded me of all sizes.

Built on the side of a cliff, it had several sections each with buildings and a tower. Furthest up was the only structure still standing, as nearly everything else was in ruin. There stood a tower tall, noble, and made entirely out of a dark grey stone that bordered on being black.

Though at one point it had likely been quite defendable it was now a ruin overrun with greenery. Trees burst through shattered rooves, vines covered sections of wall so thoroughly that the rock beneath was no longer visible. Even the ground was so covered in plants there barely existed a square foot that wasn't green.

“Green iz best, but kould use a lil bit uv fixin up,” I remarked aloud, only for my stomach to growl. “Right, let's get ta 'da fight'n' already. Iz hungry.”

Gripping my rock tight in my right hand, I picked a direction at random and headed off that way. As I moved I thought about the genetic memory orks supposedly had, but found myself a bit annoyed that I couldn't recall anything. Sure when I focused I could think of how to create a crude shoota, and fashioning a choppa would be easy enough but that was it.

Made sense though, I was but one little itty bitty gretchin all on his lonesome. I didn't need to know how to make anything other than something to shoot and something to stab. That being said I’d need metal first, and the only thing I had in abundance was wood and broken masonry.

I put that out of my mind and continued wandering around, keeping in mind what direction home was. This may have been difficult for the human I used to be, but now, now I could keep all that info in my mind relatively easily. Even when the normal arboreal forest suddenly gave way to a swamp, complete with fetid pools of bubbling muck.

The old me may have considered this gross, but gretchen me was completely unfazed by it all. Even the whiff of sulfur smelled oddly nice for some reason, and I inhaled deeply, savoring the aroma. It wasn't spent gunpowder, but it was close.

Slogging through the waist-high water, I searched for signs of life, and things to fight. Initially, I didn't find either, though there were plenty of critters, they were either the size of squirrels or flew overhead. I didn't have anything to shoot down birds, nor was there much sport in killing a squirrel, even if they were rather big for squirrels.

Then I saw them, three weird-looking rabbit things with horns on their head standing at the top of a nearby hill. Peeking out from above the swampy waters, I saw that the rise was covered with brambles, and other vegetation save for at the very top. Like a secret cabal of cultists, the three bunicorns whispered conspiratorily amongst themselves, occasionally glancing over their shoulders.

Though normally I wouldn't think that hunting a bunny was much sport, they were as big as I was and did have horns. Plus there were three of them, so at least there would be a challenge in killing them. I felt a brief pang from my conscience as they probably didn't deserve to get bludgeoned to death but they were probably edible, and I was very hungry.

With that thought firmly in mind, I ducked low enough so that the tip of my rather long, pointed green nose and beady red eyes were above the water. Then, silent as death, I waded over to them, breaching the water and dragging myself up the hill from the most vegetation-filled side. Though I ended up crawling over a bunch of thorns I didn't cry out, biting back that urge and focusing on my prey.

They hadn't noticed me yet, nor did they as I crept up until I was only a few short feet away from them. Then with rock in hand and hunger in my belly, I opened my mouth wide and screamed the loudest war cry I could muster. Yelling ‘waugh’ at the top of my lungs probably wasn't the best idea but it was an urge I couldn't resist so I just went with it.

Thankfully the surprise and shock of my sudden appearance and scream were enough to startle all three of them. So much so that they didn't even react until after I had smashed my fist-sized rock into one of the little bunicorn’s faces. With a wet crunch the creature toppled over, its limbs sprawling in all directions, body inert and unmoving.

That seemed to shock the remaining two bunicorns out of their stupor and cause them to cry out in rage. I expected them to run given the fact that they looked like cartoon rabbits, but apparently, a green half-starved gretchen wielding only a rock wasn't that intimidating. Either way they attacked by right back, with one producing claws from its paw while the other attempted to skewer me on its horn.

Or at least I assumed it was trying to skewer me, as the bony appendage was completely blunt and merely slammed into my chest. It still bruised my ribs mind you, but it didn't kill me, hurt like a mother, however.

Channeling that pain into anger, I brought my rock down on the side of the bunny’s face, knocking a bucktooth out of its mouth. I was about to go for another strike when his buddy struck first, slashing me across the midsection and leaving small, thin scratches. Though not the largest, their claws were evidently quite sharp, sharp enough to leave me bleeding pretty badly.

I stepped out of the way of the next swipe and smashed my rock down on his elbow, causing the bunny to recoil in pain. This gave me just enough time to avoid getting slammed in the chest again, which was good because I doubted my aching ribs could take another blow like that. While the skewer bunny ran off and got tangled in some thorns, I turned to his buddy and kicked him in the chest.

Though wheezing and out of air, the bunny still tried to attack me, namely by jabbing its claws into my face. I stayed one step ahead of him by moving my head to the side and then biting down on his arm with my tiny, razor-like teeth. He hadn't been expecting this and screeched in a weirdly high-pitched and also oddly adorable tone.

While biting down on the bunny’s limb as hard as I could, I grabbed a long fluffy ear in one hand and then bashed the rock into his face. This was a bit awkward, but with one arm busted and the other in my jaws, he couldn't seem to shake me off. After the third blow to the face, his features were no longer recognizable, and his struggles were starting to weaken.

A fourth caused him to go still, though a fifth never landed, as his final remaining companion had come up behind me and rammed me in the spine with his horn. Tossed forward down the hill we became a tangle of claws, teeth, and rage, landing in the knee-high water much worse for wear. I had the good fortune of coming out on top, however, and immediately tried to drown the stupid bugger.

He scratched and clawed but the desperation of the fight had given me the the boost of adrenaline I needed. Powering through all the numerous injuries I was wracking up, I held him down until the bubbles stopped. Then I kept him under for an extra thirty seconds, making sure that he wasn't faking and was really dead.

“'Dat was a really gud fight. I kommend ya, bunny,” I exclaimed.

I was about to stand up only to feel something bite down on my ass with enough force to take a chunk off. Which was not good at all as I was borderline cakeless to begin with so this left me with basically no butt to speak of. I rose quickly, and spun around, expecting to find another bunicorn but instead, there was a winged fish with giant teeth.

Smacking the bloody one with a piece of my butt meat in its mouth, my brief moment of victory vanished quickly. As there were more, a lot more, so many in fact that the water seemed alive with the angry little things. With a victorious and not at all terrified scream, I ran from the water, swatting the creatures aside as I did so. My sprint was more like an awkward wattle due to my diminutive size, but thankfully we weren't far from the hill.

I emerged from the water covered in these winged barracuda fish things and immediately began smashing them with my trusty rock. As I did so, I also climbed the hill, as even though I had left the water they continued to follow by using their wings to fly at me with jaws wide. Punching one out of the air, I fell to the ground and slowly crawled the last few feet.

“Ow ow ow,” I muttered.

Thankfully by then, I had gotten far enough that they couldn't reach me, the creatures hitting the ground a foot away. I took my time swatting what few were still chewing on me before hunting down any that had beached themselves in an attempt to reach me. All said and done I had nearly two dozen of the things, though my one bunicorn body had gotten away from me.

“I didn't really kare about ‘dat wun anyway, ya kan have it,” I told the fishes.

I then fell to the ground and lay there, sprawled out on the blood-soaked grass.

“I should probably eat, or bandage ma wounds but it hurts too much ta do anything,” I muttered to myself.

Looking over my injuries I noted that they weren't that bad, though I was bleeding a lot. Despite that fact, I felt good, strong even, the fight invigorating me to the point that I noticed some of my smaller cuts closing before my eyes. Evidently, the rush of combat was helping, though that definitely wasn't something a gretchen could normally do.

“Must be 'dat boon dingy ‘da god fing mentioned,” I whispered to myself. “whelp, betta drag dese kills back ta base, kook em up an’ have a feast. Kant let it go ta waste.”

I sat up, only to immediately regret it and fall right back down when a wave of vertigo hit me.

“On second thought I fink I'll jus lay ere for a bit,” I announced to no one in particular.