As it turned out, Cadance was indeed capable of finding genuine friends at Canterlot Academy (shocker, I know). Cheerilee and 'Mayor' Mare certainly didn't expect to suddenly find themselves friends with one of Equestria's newest princesses or the attention that came with it.

Dumb and Dumber suddenly became social outcasts among the entire student body since nopony wanted to be their friends anymore after finding out they displeased Cadance for reasons unknown to most students. I could care less about them as long as Cadance wasn't going to be taken advantage of again.

Buck Withers was still a dense, idiotic jock with a selfish, narcissistic streak a mile wide. He didn't let Cadance's change of friends deter him from pestering her about becoming his trophy wife or something. As if that would ever happen in a million years. Hell would sooner freeze over, and every angel be caught having sex for once in their damn lives than Buck Withers having a chance at courting Cady.

Tuesday started with another period of alchemy, seamlessly continuing on from the past day with more theory since Bubbling Mixture wanted to make sure we knew what to expect from a reaction before performing any experiments. I had another period with the eccentric teacher teaching the Laws of Nature and Magic before having Equish with Cadance in the third and fourth periods taught by a light green mare named Proper Spelling.

Pony English wasn't anything special aside from the ponyisms, and it took some time to get used to writing the 'proper' words. Canterlot was a unicorn city first and foremost, and it showed in the species' prejudice against anything that wasn't a pony (or heteronormative, for that matter). Three guesses as to what Proper Spelling thought about not using 'anypony' instead of 'anyone,' and the first two didn't count.

Suffice it to say, neither Cadance nor I were a fan of our Equish teacher. She was a disgusting, homophobic piece of filth, but apparently, I was the only one who thought it was problematic to use ponyisms over more inclusive speech. As cute as they might sound, it was hella problematic if you insisted that everyone use them. Non-ponies included.

I'd rather not get into the wrong that was her opinion about 'The Gays'; it was genuine torture listening to her go on and on spouting toxic shit out of her mouth. It was one thing Hell was surprisingly more progressive about than Heaven was known for. Part of that was because succubi and incubi didn't give a fuck about who had sex with whom, but even most other demons were hateful enough that they made it about power instead of who had what kind of hole.

Yeah... that wasn't exactly 'progressive,' either, but I digressed. Hell was messed up; enough said.

After lunch, I had a double period of computer sciences taught by a stallion named Clean Code while Cadance had home-ec, and of course, the nerd club made up half of the class, so I had to suffer through them trying to help me learn how to write bug-free code. On computers that were slow as fuck. Great.

It was torture, to put it simply. And it didn't help that Eight Bit was a genius who grew up making his own games ever since he got his cutie mark. He took one look at what I wrote and could immediately point out where I went wrong and fucked up. Using the size of an array without keeping in mind that the index started at 'zero' instead of 'one' like every normal person would expect led to a lot of frustration. Whoever came up with that shit, I hoped they ended up in Hell. They deserved it.

Anyway, Wednesday started with a double period of German. Dumb and Dumber ended up with detention for being stupid shits (and for talking shit behind my back, but I was sure they would have gotten detention for cheating, anyway), and we learned a bit of Germaneigh's history. Unlike my version of Earth, this Germany didn't start a blitzkrieg. However, they still had a problem with the rise of nazism earlier this century, which ended up with a civil war splitting the country into two halves. One half adopted the democratic leadership style and condemned the other half that went full-on dictatorship, isolating themselves by building a wall around their part because they were xenophobic shits.

Of course, Mister Pot was a massive fan of Bavaria and liked talking about the Oktoberfest as if it was the only thing worth talking about. That and pretzels. Sure, pretzels were fine, but nothing worth getting hot and bothered over. What a friggin' weirdo, I swear.

After the double period of German, I had alchemy followed by Laws of Nature and Magic before spending my lunch break on top of the roof, trying to relax. Nothing against the guys, but there was only so much nerdy behavior I could stand before growing bored of it. Not to mention, the stench of lust gave me a major case of needy snatch that demanded to be satisfied. Stupid horny teenagers. Did I mention that I hated school? Well, I really hated it. A lot.

Fucking stupid jailbait body...

Ahem. It was no wonder my 'alone time' led to even more rumors about me being a degenerate bat, but that was nothing new. I was the Princess of Passion in the naughty sense, and I could care less about some peeping toms. I wasn't even trying to be discreet.

The first lesson on weather control after lunch break allowed Cadance to show off that she had been responsible for a whole village all on her own. She wasn't an expert by far, but at least she didn't panic, trying to keep the storm clouds from spiraling out of control while the other pegasi were flying around like headless chickens. I just did what Cadance showed me and followed her lead despite having next to no affinity for working with clouds. I could stand on them, and that was about it, which was thankfully enough for our teacher, Weather Front. Teamwork counted for more than fucking things up like everypony else did.

Thursday, we had magic practice with Professor Star Shine first thing in the morning. It was a double period of me trying my best to get my horn to work while Cadance lit up her horn in pretty colors. If we ever needed a fancy flashlight, she got the spell down pat. It frustrated me to no end that my horn refused to obey my will, but considering we only had them for a couple of months, I guessed I shouldn't expect too much from doing unicorn magic just yet. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it did not.

Aunt Jellycelly assured me that learning to cast unicorn magic late in life was expected to be more difficult than growing up with dangerous magic surges during foalhood. We essentially had to teach our bodies to do what little foals did instinctually. Cadance had fewer problems with it since she was used to actively using her magic, only with her wings and hooves instead of a pointy unicorn horn. Meanwhile, I needed more reference to working magic pony style (or magic in general, to be honest). As it was, I had to explore my magic pathways properly before attempting to brute-force horn magic, anyway.

It was only a matter of getting used to the feeling of magic running through an unfamiliar body part my mind told me would fry my brain. There was a reason magic was dangerous; you did not play around with it near your brain. But that was what my years of avoiding magic like the plague told me, not the rational part that knew unicorn magic wasn't demonic witchcraft. It generally wasn't used to torture your fellow pony but instead used as a tool of convenience for many.

Levitation was the most commonly used type of horn magic unicorns cast, and they were perfectly fine with never learning anything more complex than that. Those who learned to use actual spells usually went with shield spells or temperature charms. Shining Armor, for example, was one of the few unicorns capable of casting a protective shield among our peer group. Few learned combat magic like Sunset Shimmer since you needed to know what you were doing instead of blasting your own head off. There was a reason many scholars only did magic theory instead of practicing spells themselves—aside from lacking the magical strength to cast them.

It went without saying that our aunt expected us to become masters of magic, just... not immediately. We had to learn to cast a shield in case we ever needed to protect our subjects (wow, that sounded weird, thinking about them like that). While I doubted we would ever need to do so, Aunty Celestia had a point that Equestria had some incredibly dangerous animals living within its borders, and not every nation shared friendly relations with the pony races. Even discounting that, being able to protect a city from a catastrophe could save countless lives, provided we were within range of its borders. We wouldn't be able to protect a city the size of Manehattan, but a good part of Canterlot was passively protected by the magic network fed by Princess Auntlestia sitting on her throne every day. She could protect it with a shield from a hurricane or something similar, but casting one spell would mean she couldn't cast anything else, making it rather impractical if Equestria ever went to war. Multicasting wasn't a thing since unicorns only had one horn.

Thus, it would be helpful to have three alicorns capable of defending Equestria in addition to every other pony fearless enough to hold a weapon. Alas, I was no wrath demon, so my ability to rip someone to shreds was limited to my demon claws in my humanoid form. Those could cause severe damage, and my tail was nothing to sneeze at, either. But unless I could bring my opponents to have sex with me, I didn't think I would be of much help during a large-scale fight. I was literally made to sleep around and infiltrate enemy lines—not wield a sword and shield on the battlefield.

Anyway, Cadance and I had almost all classes on Thursday together with each other, aside from the sixth-period business studies with Mister Stock Market (I nearly fell asleep during that one). The third period was with Mister Dusty Tome teaching History of Equis, and then the Study of Equis during the fourth period. The political lesson mixed in with those was just as bad as the first day, making us debate among ourselves whether capitalism favored the rich over anyone with smaller businesses and the like. There was also a lesson about Griffonstone in there somewhere, showcasing the worst-case scenario of capitalism collapsing in on itself.

It was a somewhat biased opinion since Equestria was one of the wealthiest countries in both resources and skilled laborers (which wasn't a wonder considering ninety-nine percent of the nation's population had a butt tattoo telling them what they were good at). Of course, Equestria would develop into a welfare country that allowed everypony to do what they wanted instead of being forced to do anything to pay for their rent. Granted, being lazy meant living with the bare minimum required to live, but there was next to no homelessness since the crown provided for those who could not provide for themselves. No one would be left out in the streets because life fucked them over.

Despite that, Equestria wasn't free from other shit like crime. Some ponies were just greedy and couldn't keep their hooves to themselves. Unlike Earth, though, our aunt firmly believed in second chances for everypony, no matter the severity of the crime committed. As long as you were willing to turn a new leaf, you were welcome to try being a goody-two-shoes. Any repeat mistakes were met with increasingly harsher punishments depending on the crime.

Aunty Sunnybum wasn't dumb. Nor was she benevolent to the degree she would forgive anything. Murder was still an unforgivable crime, but there was no capital punishment for it. It would land you a nice, dark cell in Tartarus, though—for life. If you did it on purpose, there was no excuse you could make that would save you from the alicorn of the sun. And, well... the excuse of self-defense could only get you so far if you retaliated with lethal force when the situation didn't call for it. Killing someone because they were threatening to expose your dirty laundry didn't count, obviously.

Yes, accidents happened. Ponies might get scared, and some circumstances could prevent them from choosing anything other than lethal force because their life was literally in danger. Still, if you had the option, you had to try de-escalating the situation by any other means, be it running, arguing, screaming for help, or knocking the threat to your life out cold. Killing another pony just because they were trying to ruin your life wasn't a valid defense in Aunt Celestia's eyes.

At least she wasn't like the angel pricks. They didn't even know the definition of forgiveness as much as they liked to pretend they did. I was totally not biased here. Not at all.

Anyway, aside from our princess lessons on Thursdays, there was nothing else worth mentioning. Friday started with another double period of Equish with Proper Spelling, followed by a double math period. Lunch was spent talking about our plans for later that day, and Cadance and I parted ways for the sixth and seventh periods. I had my first class in economics, which was also taught by Mister Stock Market, followed by another lesson in business studies.

By the end of the first school week, most of the drama around Dumb and Dumber was old news, and I was getting ready to head over to Shining Armor's house for our first game night. Cadance had made plans of her own to enjoy a slumber party at Cheerilee's with Fleur and Mayor Mare (seriously, that couldn't be her actual name, could it?).

They didn't invite me since Cadance knew I had other plans for today, but I still would have declined even if I weren't joining the guys for game night. I wasn't about to sit around in someone else's bedroom painting my hooves and talk about boys. Fuck that shit.

Aunty Jellysun told us to have fun and not forget our homework. At the same time, Sunset seemed to have decided to ignore our existence temporarily after our dear aunt had that 'talk' with her. Whatever was up with her, I was sure she was planning something I didn't want to know the details of. At least she left us to our own devices while we left her to do whatever she did for the majority of the day in the library. I wouldn't be surprised if she was plotting the takeover of Equestria with an army of zombie teenagers, to be honest.

Cadance still wasn't happy about not involving herself in the totally unnecessary drama, but even she wasn't in the mood to act on behalf of our mortal enemy. Sunset wasn't being her usual bitchy self, so things went pretty much back to normal. If normal meant ignoring each other instead of glaring holes into the backs of our heads, that is.

Anyway, I knocked on the door of a rather nice-looking house that was less affluent than the other houses further up in the noble district. Still, it certainly gave off the impression that Shining Armor's family was well-off enough to afford a place like this. Like most houses in Canterlot, it had a white façade and a purple, shingled rooftop with tall windows and a neatly trimmed front garden.

The door opened, and I looked down at a little filly around the age of four if I had to guess (I was still not good at guessing a pony's age, but she was half as large as I was in my visage and didn't have a cutie mark yet, so preschool age was a good guess in my opinion). Her violet eyes found my fiendish red ones, and she frowned. "You're not my foal-sitter."

I raised a brow at how brazenly she addressed me. "No," I confirmed with a frown of my own. What a weird little pony.

"Why are you here, then?" she asked, and I felt mildly impressed. This kid had some guts; I had to give it to her. "Mom's still out with Dad buying groceries, and Shining's helping me with my homework."

"Homework?" I asked, re-evaluating my initial guess of her age if she was already in school. Ten, then.

The little filly tilted her head as she gave me a skeptical look. "Yes, homework. You do it to complete an assignment or get an 'F.' Shouldn't you know what homework is at your age? Did you not go to school?"

I rolled my eyes. "I know what homework is, you little—" I said but caught myself before I insulted her and her snarky behavior. Little shit or not, I was not about to make a filly cry. I wouldn't ever get to hear the end of it from Cadance (not to mention, this was Shining Armor's kid sister, for fuck's sake). "How old are you?"

"Five and a half," she told me, and I gave her a skeptical look. "I'm going to start school next year if that's what you were curious about."

"Right," I muttered. So much for my guesses being accurate. "Where's Shining Armor, then?"

"Upstairs," she answered, not moving from her spot at the half-opened door.

"So... you gonna go get him, or what?"

"Why do you have a horn?"

I suppressed the twitch from my eyelid as she noticed the unicorn horn on my noggin' and my leathery bat wings. "Because I'm an alicorn," I lied. I wasn't about to tell her I was a sex demon.

"Are you a princess?" the little filly asked, and I snorted.

"What gave you that idea?" I questioned her with a deadpan look.

She was about to answer when Shining Armor's voice came from behind her. "Twily? Who's at the door?"

"Shiny! You didn't tell me you knew a princess!" this 'Twily' filly complained, and I snickered with amusement.

"What?" Shining Armor said before he came into view. "Oh, hey, Pleasure. You're a bit early; the others aren't here yet. Have you finished your homework already?"

I shrugged. "I didn't have to do much," I told him while at the same time refraining from mentioning that I did most of it at school already. The curriculum was way too easy for me, which was partially due to the fact that I picked my classes based on what I was good at and partially because it was frigging high school. I had a harder time flunking out of that one as a human on Earth, seriously.

"Great, uh..." Shining said, rubbing his neck. Colts, I swear. Just because I got mare parts didn't mean I was some enigmatic creature you had to act all weird and awkward around. "I still haven't finished mine, and Twilight insisted I let her try first."

I gave the lavender filly another glance. So much for 'her' homework, huh? Let me guess, she was some genius prodigy who got easily bored without a challenge?

Twilight stared back at me.

Okay, then... Anyway! "If this is a bad time, I could come back later," I said, but Shining shook his head.

"Nah, now's fine. The others should be here any minute now," he assured me. "Come on in. I'll get you a glass of water, or do you prefer cola? I got a few cans of Colta Cola for later."

Right, the pony rip-off, if I was not mistaken. It tasted the exact same, weirdly enough. "Sure, I'll go with that."

Shining nodded while Twilight followed after me like the curious filly that she was. While he went to the kitchen to grab a pair of cans, his sister eyed me up. "Shining says you're 'too cool' to hang out with him, but you still do. What does he mean by that?"

Wow, going right for the throat, huh? "That I could have any friend I want," I told her with a frown. Any non-racist friend, that is. "But let me tell you the truth: none of them would be genuine friends. They are all opportunists seeking to take advantage of Cadance and me."

"And Shiny is not?" she asked, tilting her head.

"Well..." I said, glancing conspiratorially at the teenage colt as he appeared with a pair of red and white cans with the same design I was familiar with from so many different versions of Earth. Maybe ponyland really was a strange offshoot of my former home world. "I hope not. What do you think, 'Shiny'..? Anything you want to take advantage of~?"

Said teen let out a groan even as he blushed. "My mom would kill me if I so much thought of hurting my friends," he grumbled, and I accepted the offered can from his pink, rose-ish magic aura. Twilight gave me a curious look but didn't say anything as I used my hooves to hold it instead of my horn magic.

There was a knock on the door, and Shining Armor went to open it while I used my fangs to crack the can open.

"So... why aren't you using your horn?" Twilight asked me, and I gave her a miffed look. What a nosey little shit.

"I'm crap at magic, kid," I told her. It wasn't even a lie. Witchcraft wasn't exactly my strong suit. My succubus powers were easy enough to use since they were more or less active all the time. They took a conscious effort not to use and minimal thought to actively use to their maximum effect. Regular devil's powers were more challenging, but that was partially due to their nature of requiring sacrifice and violence. And every other sorcery type took either ingredients and patience or focus and patience. Nothing I had in abundance, that was for sure.

Twilight frowned. "Mom said saying vulgar words makes Nightmare Moon give you bad dreams."

"Yeah, well..." I hummed, waving to Poindexter as Shining returned with the scrawny colt. "Nightmare Moon is a fairy tale meant to scare kids into behaving. Don't believe everything adults tell you. They are just as fallible as you and I are."

Twilight didn't look happy at me criticizing her parents' morality of lying to their kids for their own good, but she begrudgingly took my words at face value since nothing about them appeared to be wrong. I certainly wasn't buying into the whole Nightmare Moon bullshit since it seemed to be superstitious crap made up because the craters of the moon looked like a horse's head.

"Anyway," Shining said, picking up Twilight in his magic. "Mrs. Towel will be here in five minutes, Twily. Mom and Dad won't be here for a while yet, so you can eat a sandwich or wait until they return. You two can head on down; I've already set the table up."

Twilight pouted. "Can't I play with you?" she asked from his back. "Mrs. Towel smells like a wet dog; I don't like her."

"I'm not going to let you stay up past your bedtime again, Twily," he said, and she grumbled unhappily. I snickered as she crossed her forelegs over her chest, sitting down with a huff. "You know what Mom told you the last time I let you do that."

"You're a meanie," she accused him, and I smirked. Fuck, she was adorable. Any more, and I might start feeling sick to my stomach. "Can't Mom get a different foal-sitter?"

Shining sighed and rolled his eyes. "You'll have to ask her. Mrs. Towel is the closest available pony, you know that."

Twilight grumbled. "Doesn't mean I have to like it."

I hummed. "You know, maybe Cadance will be up to it. She's got the time on Fridays."

"Really?!" Twilight asked, her face lighting up with hope. Shining also looked kind of too eager to hear my answer. So much for not wanting to take advantage of your friends, huh? I already regretted opening my damn mouth. Why must I always set myself up for heartache?

"Yeah, she did this kind of stuff all the time back in 'our' village," I said with a listless shrug. Back then, she looked after all the orphans as everything had gone to Hell. Maybe she would enjoy it more without the depressing shit going on. "She won't have time every Friday, mind you, but I'll put in a good word for you to her."

Twilight beamed up at me, and I gave Shining a look that told him to stay the fuck away from my best friend if he cared enough about keeping his stallion bits where they were supposed to be. I had to prove Cadance wrong, somehow. I was not jealous of sharing my friends with her, damnit.

I was cautious. Yes, that was it. I was cautious of them trying anything with her and breaking her heart. That was totally normal, right? I wasn't jealous of sharing their attention with Cady. Why would I be jealous of her being more popular than I was? Pah! That was just ridiculous. As if.

While Shining made his sister a sandwich for a late afternoon dinner, Poindexter and I were left alone with Twilight. The colt shuffled awkwardly on his hooves, still uncomfortable around me without his other friends there. Or 'our' friends, I guessed. Honestly, he seemed more like a third-wheel kind of guy to me. He was the typical introverted person you had to force out of his shell, or he wouldn't ever spend time with anyone unprompted.

"How did you learn you're Princess Celestia's niece?" Twilight asked me, and I blinked. I looked down at her and saw her give me a genuinely curious look.

"Come again?" I said, a little surprised to hear that question from her.

Twilight tilted her head. "You're Cadance's sister, right?"

I stared blankly at her. "Uh... what."

"They said in the newspaper that Princess Celestia's nieces were found in a small village near Vanhoover," she said. I saw Shining's ear pointed our way from where he had made Twilight's evening meal. Poindexter gave me a curious look, as well. "And since Cadance is also a princess, you must be sisters."

"That's... not how it works," I grumbled, at a loss for words. "Cady and I aren't related."

Twilight scrunched up her muzzle. "But you're related to Princess Celestia..."

I sighed. This filly, I swear. "That doesn't mean Cadance and I have to be related to each other," I told her, wondering how I would dig myself out of that one. Why did she have to be so smart? "Whatever relation we have to Aunt Cellyjelly, it's so far removed it would be likelier for me to be closer related to you." Not that there was a chance in a million years for that to be the case. "We were literally just picked up by her after we ascended, and that's it."

The little filly still gave me a skeptical look, but she couldn't come up with any arguments to disprove my logic. It was as close to the truth as I felt safe divulging, anyway. Any further conversation was put on hold as a knocking sound came from the door. I followed Twilight to the door to keep an eye on her as she opened the door with her wonky horn magic, and... let's just say she was right about Mrs. Towel smelling like a wet dog. Yikes.

I could tell the scent came from her old ladies' clothing. The wrinkly old mare gasped as she spotted me, her pale rosa hoof rubbing at her eyes as if she wasn't sure I was real or not. Twilight let out a half-hearted 'Hello' at spotting her standing on their porch. "Hello, Mrs. Towel..."

"Twilight, dear..." Mrs. Towel began stiffly. "Don't be alarmed now, but one of them vampire ponies is standing right behind you. Come quick, get behind me!"

I glared at the rotten piece of garbage calling herself a pony as she accused me of being one of those undead fiends. If I were a vampire, you would already be dead in addition to everypony else on this goddamn mountain, seriously.

"Mrs. Towel, Forbidden Pleasure is a princess!" Twilight gasped in shock, and the senile old lady frowned.

"That ain't no princess, little filly," she accused me, and I suppressed the growl from leaving the back of my throat. "I know all about them vamponies, dear. My pa always told me they bite you when you least expect them to and—"

"You really should stop talking," I cut her off, voice monotone. Fucking Hell, what a piece of shit pony. I had to get rid of her before I worked myself up too much and risked unraveling my visage. "Twilight, close the door and leave this lunatic standing outside. We won't require her services tonight," I ground out. One more insult, and I swear...

"Wait here just one second, I—" Mrs. Towel started, but she didn't get further than that before I slammed the door closed with a sneer on my muzzle. I stayed there, glaring at the spot where she stood beyond the front door, seething with anger. Fucking bullshit racism, seriously.

Twilight looked up at me with uncertainty. "Are you sure we can just leave her standing out there?"

I let out a deep, calming breath before I snorted. "What's she gonna do? Call the guards on me?" I asked rhetorically. "Trust me, you're better off staying with us for game night than letting her look after you."

"Is everything okay?" Shining asked as he came out of the kitchen. Poindexter stood behind him as if he was the reason for Shining Armor's sudden presence.

"Yeah," I muttered, putting on my usual bored expression. As long as I pretended I was fine and stayed calm, I wouldn't risk anyone seeing through my visage. Besides, I've had worse and shrugged it off before. There was no reason to worry here. This was going to be no different than Griffonia and the decades upon decades I spent being called who-knows-what in Hell and every other godforsaken reality I've been summoned to. "Sorry, but Twilight will have to spend the evening with us after all."

Shining sighed, and said filly was happy to not spend that time with Miss Wet Poodle. "It's okay," he said. "We'll just have to ensure she doesn't eat too many snacks before bed."

I looked at his little sister; she merely smiled at me with the faux innocence every kid was known for when they had permission to stay up late and eat junk food. Heh. I smirked, amused. "I have a feeling I'm going to like you, kid."

"Please don't encourage her," Shining Armor groused. "I'm going to have a hard enough time trying to explain to Mom and Dad why Twilight's foal-sitter wasn't here to look after her."

"How come they left you two alone before they left, anyway?" I asked, impressed they trusted him and his little sister enough to let them stay home alone.

Shining gave me a look, and we made our way down to the cozy-looking basement. Damn, they had a whole man cave down here. Was that an arcade machine? Nice. "I was in the middle of homework with Twilight, and that usually keeps us busy long enough for Mrs. Towel to arrive. Mom and Dad know she isn't the fastest pony anymore. They also have an appointment right now, so there's that. Dunno how long that will take them before they buy groceries."

Huh. Alrighty, then. I was sure they wouldn't get mad at me for leaving Twilight's foal-sitter standing outside. She was a nasty pony; she deserved it, anyway.

"Can I play, too, then? Please?" Twilight asked, and Shining nodded, though he didn't look very enthusiastic about letting her do so. I guessed Dungeons and Dragons wasn't exactly the most age-appropriate game for a filly her age, but what did I know?

Much to my surprise, Twilight already had a character going for herself on a sheet of paper. She even had a little wizard figurine that looked like her as an adult with a fancy cape and pointy hat with a wide brim and what looked like little golden bells. The craftsmanship honestly impressed me; I could tell it was custom-made.

Shining gave me a sheet of paper and explained how to fill it out to create my character. He went back upstairs as the bell jingled, hopefully, to let Eight Bit and Gaffer in instead of finding a pair of guards being called on us. Not that I expected them to do anything in fear of offending Auntlestia.

In the meantime, I settled on an elven pony with basic herbalism and sewing skills, as well as a proficiency for daggers. Poindexter showed me how to assign my initial stats, and I put about half of them into agility and 'sneakiness.' I had no idea how close to DnD this was, but the dice and so on at least looked the same from what I could remember seeing in pop culture back on human Earth. Anyway, sneakiness was apparently something you could quantify with a number, and since I was going for the burglar type, I might as well make sure I won't get caught stealing shit from unsuspecting merchants and so on.

Anyway, my character wasn't all that impressive compared to Shining's level twelve paladin and Twilight's level four sorceress (why wasn't I surprised the white unicorn was playing as the holy 'manly' man?). Poindexter was playing as something he described as a 'noble beast tamer,' which I equated to the archery trope from other popular fantasy fiction coupled together with the monster taming seen in a certain video game I might have played once—lovingly nicknaming the class the 'huntard.' Eight Bit's character was a priest, surprising me for a moment. I would have for sure thought he would be playing a berserker or something along those lines. When he wasn't narrating their game sessions, Gaffer was a level ten warlock—I approved of the surprising edginess.

Speaking of Gaffer and Eight Bit, Shining Armor came down to the basement with the two teenage colts, and the pegasus smiled at me. I rolled my eyes, averting my gaze from him and the others as I put the finishing touches on my elven rogue pony. I only needed to give them a name now. And a gender. And their looks beyond just a short description of 'cool, edgy, and badass.'

Fuck... why was creating a fantasy character so difficult? Ugh.

"A rogue, huh?" Eight Bit commented as he sat down beside me, a can of 'Honey Dew' in his grasp. Was that supposed to be this world's version of you-know-what? Why was I not surprised that it was his favorite drink? He was fulfilling every kind of cliché there was about a game-obsessed computer nerd.

"What?" I grumbled. "It seemed like the obvious choice."

"Well, I suppose it does fit your personality," he said, and I glared at him.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Hey, hey!" he said, holding up his hooves as if trying to placate me. "I meant no offense. You just have this whole tough girl act going on for you."

I huffed and looked back down at my sheet of paper. Right. Character creation—the bane of my existence. Names were always so hard to come up with, seriously. And I obviously didn't want to use any I knew of in case another pony was stupid enough to summon a demon from Hell to this world. While I was reasonably certain Eight Bit and the rest of the guys wouldn't be that dumb, I've been summoned before by kids like them for all the wrong reasons.

Some people really did think that any demon could just snap their claws and make them rich, famous, and/or kill their enemies without getting caught (usually with me being run through by a sword from a religious zealot, as well). I could count the amount of times that happened by the hairs on my head. Imagine their surprise when they instead got a succubus that would sooner rip their heads off than give them what they wanted.

Anyway, I asked Twilight to name my character, and she came up with the name Luna Nightshadow. I shrugged and went with it, obviously making them female and dark as the night sky in coloration. It did have a nice, roguish sound to it. For reasons I couldn't quite explain, the name felt more significant than I gave it credit for, but I decided to think nothing of it. There were plenty of people called Luna on Earth alone, and not just in mythology. Who knew? It could turn out that Nightmare Moon was real, and her name was Luna before she went evil and whatnot.

Pfft. Yeah, right. As if.

Twilight munched on her sandwich while the colts indulged themselves by eating unhealthy snacks. I declined their offer of chips as I didn't feel that hungry. At least, not in that sense, and since my ascension, I didn't have to rely on actively feeding on sexual energy anymore. It was strangely refreshing not needing to hunt every other day or so.

Oh, man. If the other Lilin could see me now, they would say I've become weak and pathetic. Jokes on them, though. I only did it to survive in the first place, not because I was a deranged nymphomaniac with a penchant for murdering innocents. Though the taste of cum from a dying man deserving of Hell was a special treat, I was not going to lie.

There was a reason why no one survived contact with a succubus after summoning one. If you weren't careful and bound them to a contract explicitly instructing them not to harm you in any way, you were as good as dead. And not everyone was so lucky to know the True Name of the demon they summoned. That was more of a rarity, which did beg the question of how Prismia knew who I was and to summon me specifically.

A summoning ritual generally needed to specify which kind of demon you wanted. It required particular circumstances to get a condemned soul out of that place, and more often than not, 'randomly' summoning something ended up with a lowly imp that put up more of a fight than it was worth the struggle. Any demon aligned with one of the Seven Deadly Sins required a truly powerful heart (or tons of magic, blood, or both). To summon a demon of the higher tier like me or one of the other Lilin, you would need to know their True Name beforehand (unless we were talking about demon possession here, but I digressed).

Granted, I made myself a name on multiple versions of Earth and honestly lost count of who knew my True Name. The chances of summoning me with a large enough sacrifice were higher than the average demon, but still. Prismia couldn't have known about me unless someone told her about me and how to force me to sign a contract with blood instead of ink like a normal person.

Either one of my sisters spread the word to Prismia in her dreams, or something else did. At least now I was on the same level as Lilith herself, so I doubted anyone powerful enough would be such a colossal moron to attempt summoning an archdemon. Heck, I wouldn't even be surprised if I could deny their call to appear before them now, with or without my True Name being involved.

As long as I was bound to the contract Aunt Celestia, Cadance, and I made in the Realm of Ascension, I wouldn't have to fear returning to Hell, even if someone did manage to summon me against my will. For better or for worse, this was my home now, and I wouldn't trade it for anything—racist fucks be damned.

I never really thought about the hardships minority groups faced before I was sentenced to Hell, but even without the whole demon thing, it sucked ass. At least I could understand why someone would discriminate against demons, but batponies? What the fuck was wrong with you?! They were all undoubtedly cute as fuck!

Cadance was the only one who never once gave me a feeling of not belonging here in Equestria. Everyone else saw a batpony with fiendish red eyes and assumed things from there. Sure, most ponies were polite and whatnot, but I could see it in their eyes. I was different from everypony else. All they knew were bad rumors and superstition.

I might have been a monster, but even I had a heart. My soul might not be perfectly shiny and shit—no one's soul ever was (except for the angel pricks, 'allegedly')—and yet, these animals thought they were something better than I. Pah. Don't make me laugh.

Anyway, I didn't come here to stew in my anger. No, I was here to have fun and enjoy a dumb game of playing pretend in a friend's basement with my other nerdy friends. I was actually kind of starting to warm up to them, all things considered. They might be a bunch of horny teenagers and a genius child prodigy, but at least they were genuine. That and they didn't blatantly try to stare at my bat features.

Heck, I was half certain Poindexter and Shining Armor only stared at me because I was a girl and didn't look like utter crap. If ponies' beauty standards weren't so sickeningly cute and girly, I would have already had more than my fair share of love letters and weirdos trying to hit on me. Cadance got the short end of the stick for that one (and not just because Buck Withers and Shining fucking Armor got literal boners for her).

Hardly a day passed without at least one pony confessing their undying love to my best friend. Most of them got shot down immediately (even without my input), but then there were the typical machos thinking they got a chance with her. Buck Withers, first and foremost. But even Shining Armor couldn't take a hint and stop pining after her. It got annoying fast, especially since he couldn't stop talking about how their love was 'destined' to last for eternity and whatnot. I've barely known the guy for a week, and he was already giving me major incel vibes.

At least he didn't rant on and on about it every moment of the day. Yet. I was sure even he wouldn't be able to stop himself from obsessing over her if she ever started talking to him (hence my reluctance to share my friends with her). Perhaps the best way to crush his heart was to let him realize he got no chance with Cady by letting her see his zombie fish imitation up close. I feared nothing else would be effective enough.

"You're awfully deep in thought," Eight Bit commented, nudging me out of my musings. I looked up from my sheet of paper, the elven pony rogue almost forgotten as I kept thinking about Cadance. That mare occupied most of my conscious thoughts ever since I met her. How strange. I wasn't even thinking about lewd stuff with her. That was doubly strange for me. "Something on your mind?"

I scowled at his nosiness. "Nothing I would share with you."

"Hey! No need to get defensive," he placated me while the others paused in their own preparations for the game. "I was just trying to be supportive and maybe lend an ear. You know, like friends do?"

I sighed, grumbling grumpily to myself, feeling slightly guilty. Fuck, this stupid colt, I swear. Being all sweet and shit won't get him anywhere with me. That was Cadance's thing, not mine. "Sorry. I'm just... trying to get used to being around other ponies," I lied. That should hopefully get them off my case.

"You and Cadance came from a small town, right?" Twilight asked, and I gave the tiny bookhorse a subtle smile. Calling it a town was honestly pushing it.

"Yeah... there were about fifty ponies who lived in, uh... 'our' village," I said, leaving out the fact that that was before everything that happened with Prismia. A good two-thirds of the ponies living there were gone by the time Cadance ended the reign of Queen Fish Snatch.

"Wow, that's not even half of our neighborhood. You must have known each other pretty well," Shining commented, and I nodded unsurely. I only bothered with Cadance, to be honest. Everyone else was just as bad as Twilight's old foal-sitter. Not that they weren't justified in their hatred. At least they knew I was summoned from Hell to make their lives miserable. Not that I had much of a choice (or could do anything but please Prismia while she treated me worse than some people neglected their pets).

"Well, at any rate, you fit right in with our group, so let's cut the chit-chat and get started!" Gaffer proclaimed as he rubbed his hooves eagerly. He had one of those screen thingies standing in front of him while the rest of us had our character sheets ready. "This daring tale I present to you starts in the infamous Everfree Forest; deep within stands a crumbling, old, abandoned cathedral..."

Our heroes are on their way through the foggy wilds as the evening slowly wanes away to the twilight hours. In front, our seasoned paladin, Graysword Brightdawn, followed by our noble beast tamer, Greenwood Sunstrider, and his loyal pet, Sabertooth. At their side are the ever-optimistic priest Holy Radiance and the scholarly mare known as Misty Bellcape...

a disembodied voice asked, breaking the roleplay almost immediately.

As our incredibly handsome narrator was about to explain, Misty Bellcape entrusted the group of adventurers with a most dire quest, indeed. For she found an ancient passage in one of Starswirl the Bearded's old diaries, foretelling the return of a great evil from times long past.

the incessant disembodied voice asked, interrupting the story's narration once more.

Ahem. As I was about to say, Misty previously hired an escort to traverse these dangerous lands and find the required artifact to defeat this ancient and most terrible evil once and for all: the Scepter of Everblooming Life. For it is a dark necromancer about to be resurrected, who would consume all life on Equis as ponies know it if given the chance.

another nuisance said.

Seriously, guys? Can you keep your comments to yourself? We are at the start of an epic journey here! Get your heads in the game!

they said. No respect, I swear.

Ahem! Right. Where were we? Ah, yes. Our esteemed mage had previously hired an escort to traverse these dangerous woods, but she made one fatal mistake: her escort had been mobbed up by her nemesis, the infamous warlock Obsidian Flame. The elven pony rogue, Luna Nightshadow, took the artifact not because of the offered payment but rather to buy herself and her sister...

Yes. She intended to buy herself and her sister Sunny Skies the freedom they desperately sought with one last morally questionable job, only to be double-crossed by the wicked warlock himself! Now, their only hope rests in the willingness of our intrepid heroes to forgive their past mistakes and help them live a better life. But for that to happen, our mighty heroes must first brave the dangers of hostile wildlife, ancient traps, and a mad warlock.

"You said this path leads to an ancient ruin?" our esteemed paladin said, glancing at the mage. The studious mare gave him a nod, looking up from the map currently floating ahead of her. "What kind of ruin can we expect?" he asked.

"According to the legends, it was once a place of worship that had been defiled by a nefarious necromancer the warlock Obsidian seeks to bring back to life."

No spoilers, please. The next time we let you play with us, you won't help me write the campaign, Twilight.

Now, please stop interrupting the narration of the intro to the story. I swear, you guys are awfully close to making me throw in some extra traps along the way.

Thank you. As Misty was saying, Obsidian needs the artifact to call forth a powerful entity from the Beyond, and for him to do so, he requires a place of worship and a host. Thus, the plot to revive the most evil pony to have ever walked this planet's face: Grogar, the Lord of the Undead.

I blinked at the name Gaffer just told us with a pretend scary voice. I swore I must have heard that name from somewhere before because I felt uneasy in my gut. But that wasn't possible, was it? I was a demon; I should be able to remember where I heard that name. It had all the importance of a True Name from a big-shot demon lord, yet there was no memory associated with me recognizing it. Truly a perplexing conundrum...

"This Grogar is said to have raised entire armies, and according to the legends, he was even able to create a gate to the Beyond with his enchanted bell. We need to stop Obsidian before it is too late!" Misty said, and our fearless heroes once more felt the world's weight settle on their withers.

Grave danger and insurmountable odds were nothing new to them, but this time, it quite literally was in their hooves to save the world from annihilation. But before they could do that, they needed to get past a ferocious manticore obstructing their path!

Graysword Brightdawn already stood prepared in front of the group. What do you want to do?

Alright. You may roll for the enhancement's effectiveness, while you two may roll for damage bonuses and a bonus for Sabertooth's ambush damage. Misty, what spell are you going to cast?

Then roll for success.

Due to their priest's prayer, Misty was able to cast the thorn bind just in time to prevent it from swiping Graysword's shield from his grasp. The counterattack scored a bleeding wound on its outstretched paw, further restricting its movements due to the weight shift. Sabertooth managed to jump on its back with the ambush bonus before biting down on one of its wings. At the same time, Greenwood Sunstrider sadly missed his target's venomous tail.

I'm sorry, but the enhancement can't improve your aim. See it this way: Sabertooth managed to ground the manticore for the rest of the fight, even if it broke the bindings.

Sorry, those are the rules; I can't change what your stats are. You still have the enhancement active, though. You may act before the manticore can react to the ambush. What do you want to do?

Then roll for success.

Greenwood was just swift enough to shoot another arrow at the manticore while it thrashed in pain. Due to its movements, the arrow only landed a glancing shot on its brow despite the magical assistance to hit its intended target. The agony of its wounds caused the manticore to enter a frenzied rage and shake Sabertooth from its back. Graysword's defense held firm, but his focus on tanking the enraged hits caused him to lose an opening for a counterattack.

Misty, what do you do?

Clever. You may roll for success and a bonus to stun the manticore.

Due to Misty's quick thinking, the manticore failed to land a hit on Graysword's faltering defense, tripping it in the process. The manticore avoided falling on its muzzle, and since it recovered faster than Misty anticipated, the bindings snapped before they could keep it from getting up. However, Misty's actions allowed Graysword to swing his sword down on their foe.

You may roll for critical damage.

Then, you may also roll for success on dodging a swipe from its lethal claws. Greenwood, what's your next move?

Then, you may roll for a damage bonus for both Sabertooth and your arrow. Holy Radiance, what will you do?

Roll for effectiveness and a chance to stun the manticore.

Graysword managed to land a critical hit while Greenwood got a lucky shot, hitting the manticore's injured paw, reducing further damage from its next retaliatory strike. The blinding light from Holy Radiance caused it to miss Sabertooth. Greenwood's pet inflicted a gash on its hind leg, applying further bleed damage.

Meanwhile, deeper in the forest, Sunny Skies and Luna Nightshadow regained their consciousness bound to an altar while a minion of Obsidian appears to have dozed off on his job guarding his prisoners. The bindings seem just tight enough to give our rogue a little bit of wiggle room. What will you do?

Obsidian must have searched his captives before leaving them bound on the altar in the big cathedral. Luna couldn't feel her emergency hidden blade, and neither was she able to search her sister as the grand doors at the other end of the room opened. In strode a stallion with midnight black fur and sunken eyes. There was an eerie glow to them while a dark aura surrounded his horn. He held a staff in his deep blue magic aura while a bundle of cloth floated in behind him, hiding the remains of what could only be the ancient necromancer in them.

"Ah, it seems our associates are finally awake," he spoke with a menacingly deep voice, a cruel smirk on his muzzle.

"We had a deal, Obsidian!" Luna snarled back while her sister whimpered in fear. Once more, her tendency to appropriate what wasn't hers got them into trouble, and this time, there might not be a way out.

Ahem.

You really want to make it more difficult for the others, don't you? At least raise your hoof next time before you throw me off my game again.

So! Since a certain rogue felt particularly daring to annoy the gamemaster, the guard previously tasked with keeping an eye on them seemed much more alert now that he almost got caught sleeping on the job. Let's see you try to escape now.

It's my job.

Anyway, back to our heroes. Our group of courageous adventurers managed to drive off the manticore after posing a larger threat than the usual helpless fool wandering into the forest. Seeing that it had learned its lesson, the four ponies, on their way to the ancient ruins, pressed on their journey to save the world from certain doom.

It was only a short time before they met another obstacle, though. A great chasm hindered them from continuing their way further into the forest. What do you want to do?

Mage Misty Bellcape called on her arcane powers to conjure a rope long enough to give them a way across the chasm, only to struggle with tying the other end of the rope to the second tree on the chasm's other side. It seems to be too far away for her magic to reach. Any other ideas?

Graysword dared to peek into the abyss before them, finding it to be obscured by a dense fog. They would have to brave the treacherous climb down if they wanted to know what lies at the bottom of the chasm.

Greenwood looked around for a suitable tree to make their way over the chasm, only to notice that none of the trees seemed tall enough to bridge the gap.

It seems the only way forward was either a lengthy detour or perhaps a path further down the chasm. Which course will our brave heroes decide on?