42

Chapter One
“Wacky? How wacky can it possibly be?”

Somewhere in the multiverse:

I suppose it all started one cool and surprisingly not rainy day in Hoofington. Momma was walking in the lead as P21 and Glory flanked her. Lacunae was walking, letting Scotch Tape ride on her back and Rampage was… well she was trying to get me to say curse words… any words really she was trying to get me to talk at all. Back then Discord was riding shotgun in my noodle and he was teaching me other things. So my body was just a body moving through the world wanting to be with its herd. But Discord was teaching me.
"And that's how Equestria was made." He said with a flourish.
I clapped my mental hooves and looked out the windows of my eyes and saw something that caught my attention. I smiled then ran up Blackjack and dug into her pack.
"Hey, Boo what the hell?" I heard her ask in confusion and my face retracted from her bag, a can of cram, a canteen, and a cyberpony cake in my mouth. I then ran away and went to a blue and green lump in the dirt. I approached the lump of pony and bright eyes rolled up at me.
I set the things down and nuzzled the can of Cram toward the pony. He, yes a he, looked at the can of Cram and quickly took a bite out of the whole can. He looked at me wearily and said, "Thank you, miss” in a broken voice. I smiled widely.

I guess it was at that moment I decided I liked the pony. Cause I nuzzled him before Momma came to me with a snack cake and my primitive mind said. "OH FOOD!"
But as Glory checked over the Pony he was beginning to fix himself with the can of Cram.
"I will be okay." The Blue unicorn said. "Thanks to your friend showing a little Kindness in this hell hole."
Glory smiled, "of course! I would go to the Fluttershy Medical center and get some of those gashes looked at though. I'd give you a healing potion but we hit some strong E fields yesterday and ruined most of them."
The pony took a deep breath and I missed the rest of what was said. But I did catch his name, "Flutterstay." And that stuck with me to this very day where his name was in my heart.

***

600 years later, then 800 years back, then 10 years forward again then a stint in a universe where the natural laws are out to lunch.

I snapped my eagle claw, and sent a burst of pure chaos at two guards, the guards flashed and turned into a bowl of petunias, and one very surprised looking whale. A snap of my lion claw and another pair of guards disappear in a flash of light. To this day I don't know where they ended up but that's neither here nor there. See what I did there! Hah!
A gun shot rang out and suddenly I had a hole in my head and both my eyes rolled up as I fell over.
"SNAP!"
Flutterstay snapped his claw in anger and the offending sniper exploded in a cloud of glitter and became a pinata.
"Come on honey, no laying down on the job." He said with a smirk.
"You're no fun love." I floated up in the air as a group of soldier humans wearing black uniforms with swastikas on their armbands looked terrified as my 'brain' came out of the hole in my head.
"I have such a headache." I said to them, smirking.
One of them actually pissed his pants.
Hahahaha!
They turned to run and then a human wearing jeans and a black tee shirt came from off screen and 'Falcon-Punched' all three of them. One guy's head actually let off the sound of a gunshot as his head spun around and looked at me in surprise, his lips moving in a silent statement.
"Yes sweetie. You backed the wrong side." I said sadly, as the body fell to the ground letting the fading life get one last view of the sky.
I want to say that I haven't killed anyone to this point. Even the ones I teleported away and I don't know where they are, I know they aren't dead. I don't do that with my magic. After all there is nothing more boring than a corpse. That's what Discord told me anyways and it is something I took to heart.
I dismissed the hole in my head resisting the urge to make a holy joke.
"Ah, you looked better with a hole in your head." Kaleb quipped as he punched another soldier who tried to rush him, knocking him out in one blow.
Hey, I said I didn't make the holy joke. I never said others didn't.
The ground shook violently as a gigantic black dragon landed near me, snatching up a SpaceNazi and crunching him down his gullet. Then the dragon burped holding his stomach and said, "Ugh these SpaceNazis are giving me an upset stomach!"
I smiled then snapped my lion paw and a 55 gallon drum of Pepto Bismol appeared next to him. He looked at the drum, read it and a smile spread across his gigantic lips as he picked up the barrel, sunk a fang into it and then downed the entire drum.
One more chalky smelling burp later and he said, "Thanks Boo, that helped."
I smiled up at him, "You're welcome Lucas."
Gun fire erupted from a window on the building and ricocheted off his scaly armored hide a few rounds zinging past Flutterstay, Kaleb, and me.
Then distinct clicks of an empty weapon and an annoyed Lucas looked into the window of the building and he took a shallow breath and blew a blowtorch like flame into the room.
I winced as Kaleb said, "The only good Nazi is a dead Nazi."
I snorted at that.
"Anyways… I think it's time we find out why they decided to attack us now." Flutterstay said as he snapped a claw and the front of the building dematerialized letting us walk into the skyscrapers lobby. Except for Lucas who swore and transformed himself into an anthropomorphic wolf. He burped again. "Ah, that's better." He said, rubbing his stomach.
I shook my head with a smile as I shifted to my earth pony form and we made our way into the lobby.

***

So you know those scenes in the movies where they just appear in front of the bad guy after entering an elevator? Yeah I know life isn't a movie after a really long and boring elevator ride up. Though that music was kinda catchy and familiar.
We finally made it to the office of the big bad. Yeah know all this action and imagine our surprise when we were greeted by a big lobby and a secretary sitting at a desk. Her name plate read Karen.
"Excuse me Karen." Flutterstay ever the diplomat started before Kaleb grabbed the woman from behind the desk and launched her toward the elevator.
"You better leave if you know what's good for you." He said. She got up and looked terrified and instead of running and opening the door to the stairs or pushing the button to the elevator she literally smacked into a wall and knocked herself out. Really! I can't make this shit up!
We all strode to the door then everything went white.

Confusion, blood, a gunshot.
Star metal.
Death…

***

I wake up, opening my eyes in my home. I look around and see me standing there looking annoyed.
"Oh good of you to join me. Are you fully aware yet?"
Who was I?
What was I?
Why was I?
Oh, yeah. I'm The Great and Powerful Boo, clone #42.
"Yes I'm aware." I replied with a smile.
"Excellent." The Boo in front of me, Prime Boo, looked tired, her Draconequus body sagged and there were dark circles under her eyes.
"Are you clear on everything up to this point?" She asked wearily.
I thought and with a sad epiphany nodded.
So A LOT has happened since the point above. Let's give you the cliff notes version to catch you up.
I'm Boo, Princess Draconequus, all powerful, clone #42. I'm… well, a lady doesn't tell you her age. Let's just say I'm old enough and don't look a day over 25 years old. No, for real immortality has its perks!
Let's see…
After I was sent back in time with Flutterstay and I fell in love, I made him a Draconequus, lots of shenanigans ensued. I got knocked up, got stabbed, had twins, a wonderful life, met some crazy characters when to a place called the Floating Vagabond, more universe expanding shenanigans, went to a world where humans got turned into ponies to save them from being killed by thalamic radiation, and then I died.
Well, I got better, kind of.
Ruled Hell for a while, that changed me. But I don't feel changed.
Mostly just icky, which is why I was made. To restore me back to before I went to Hell. Well, I don't remember the memories. Something to do with a tainted soul and what not. So I was split off to be a pure soul. Not sure if that's how it works though. I'd have to ask someone from Hell. Who do I even know from Hell?
"Yes." I replied to Prime Boo. I have one question, "Where is Sweetie?" I asked.
"Swe…sweetie? You mean Flutterstay, I don't know where his dumbass went. After I broke up with him, you know 'til death do us part.' Blah blah blah. He went somewhere. I don't really care if he has his own life and I have mine." She replied.
My brain stopped.
WHAT?
THE!
FUCK?!
I frowned at the Prime Boo, "He risked his life to save you from Hell and you just, fucked off?!" I ejaculated loudly.
She nodded then floated on to her bed and laid down. "Yeah. Whatever. If you want to fix it, go after him. I need rest." With a yawn Prime Boo started snoring like a diesel motor with a faulty piston.
I blinked.
Fine. I thought then I saw a flower, I don't know what type of flowers they were but they were red and I floated them into my hair. They were cute to me. I hope Sweetie likes them. I hope I can fix this. I hope he can forgive me.
Wait, forgive me?
No, I don't need forgiveness that bitch does.
Growl.
I left the room behind me and looked into my living room. I noticed the picture on the mantle above the fireplace that glowed with a cool blue light of a fish tank that put out the warmth of a fire.
I looked at the picture and realized something was very wrong with it. It was me and the kids, but the kids were sitting in mid-air. I remember this picture. 'Stay was supposed to be in it. The kids are sitting on his lap.
Okay… that's not very mocchi. I thought about seeing the same things in other pictures.
He was gone in all of them.

‘Alright, first things first.’ I thought, looking around for the lab door. There it was beside the couch but barely visible. I approach it and put my hoof on the door. It appeared with the sound of confetti.
I open the door, as I step in I’m transported to another dimensional space where the lab slowly builds itself in a decayed state. I see wires hanging loosely from the ceiling and sparking every so often.
“Hello?” I call out looking around for the computer interface, my hooves giving echoes of clops with every step in the nearly silent lab. It was eerie. Usually this place would be filled with the sounds of humming computer fans and pumps cooling the components.
I walk up to the console and push a few buttons and nothing happens. I then frown and kick it and it comes online.

“System failure operating at 12 percent.” Comes a distorted AI Voice.
“Well now we’re getting somewhere.” I say. “Run diagnostics and repair guidance.”
The computer makes computery sounds like you know beeps and the like and I stand there as it seems to go on forever.
Oh, it is forever so there is this thing, which is why we Draconequus seem to know what happens in the future. It's called Draconequus time. So, imagine you’re having a conversation right but it's like the other person is talking so slowly right? Okay well we have a sense that can make us perceive time in a faster dimension a bit like a read ahead like a fast forward. It's not completely accurate as time is always in flux. But the big things like an arrow or bullet coming at you we can dodge because of this state. Problem is we have to remember to exist in two frames of time at once and that takes a little concentration.
But when there is a lot of BLAH BLAH BLAH! That is when it gets really boring.
“...system restoration requires rewire of the main console, power supply realignment, and reboot.”
Oh, shit I almost missed that.
See?
“The power fault is in grid 7. Please proceed to the repair station to retrieve tools.” The AI instructed.
“Maybe I should just call a certain Asshole Beer-can I know, to do this…” I mutter as I get the tools from the locker. I pull out a soldering iron and some wire and resistors and walk back to the panel and pop out my draconequus arms and begin rewiring the console. There was a beep and the computer said, “System Restoration at 59 percent.”
“Well that is nice. What’s next ‘Puter?” I ask putting the tools back in the tool box.
“Please proceed to grid 4 for next repair.” The computer said, its voice sounding a bit better.
“Okay.” I pick up the tool box and float toward the next section to repair.
Alright this is kinda the boring part. Are you sure you want to read this? You do? Okay…
I approach the Chaos conversion generator and look at it. It looks kinda like the hacking terminal from BioShock, but was massive. Lots of tiles for chaos energy to flow through.
Less said about this part the better but lets just say I was never very good at this. So I set off the automated defenses a few times.
Nothing a few snaps of my claw couldn’t solve.
WHAT?
You want details?
You know what. Go ask Flutterstay about his contraptions. I barely understand this stuff.
…

OH ALRIGHT I ADMIT IT I ELECTROCUTED MYSELF A FEW TIMES ARE YOU FLIPPING HAPPY!?!

Ahem.

The last bit of repairs to be done is to fix the polarity of the gemstone power recombobulator.

I DON’T KNOW I’M NOT A SCIENTIST! I throw my appendages up in the air getting all frustrated.
Okay, so the computer just told me to flip the gem inside the matrix upside down… I never claimed to be a smart draconequus.

A voice is heard, “Actually you need to roll a 4 or lower on a 1d12 to do it correctly.”

I look up, “OKAY! BY CELESTIA’S TEATS!” I roll the dice and get a 6.

“FAIL.” said the narrator.

HOLD UP I SPEND A LUCK POINT AND REROLL!

I reroll and get a…

10

“DAMN IT!”

I look at the die angrily and then spend another luck point and roll it again.

5

I growl at the dice and then eat it.

“I, uh, what?” The narrator asked confusedly as I continued to chew on a plastic dice.

“One more time!” I say to it and roll again. The new dice afraid I will eat it too just gives it up and gives me a 1!

“YEAH!” I say out loud!

“Power restored to 100%!” The AI reported.

“But, Boo…” I hear you ask. Yes I am the narrator of the story technically, but there is another voice I have to contend with that made the idea for these events the being who pulled all the strings for this merry adventure. That wasn’t me, I just muck with them alot.

“Sounds like there are two narrators in this story!” Says the other narrator. I push them away with an angry look and to make my point I make the dice in my mouth make a sharp crack as I continue to chew on it like bubblegum.

“Please come back to the control room. I have a message from master Flutterstay.” ‘Puter says over the PA system. “Okay.” I say putting the tools away and floating the box behind me and put it away upon entering the control room.

“Playing message.”

“Boo, I knew you would be concerned enough at some point to know why I disappeared.” The hologram Flutterstay says.
“Of course I would be! I’m your wife, dum dum!” I reply to the hologram.

“Well… yeah.” It replies.

WAIT WAIT WAIT!? The narrator says confused.

“WHAT NOW?!” I ask.

HOW IS HE REPLYING TO YOU!?

“DRA-CON-E-QUUS!” I reply in all capital letters sounding it out syllable by syllable.

“Narrator voice?” The hologram asks.

“Yes.” I reply annoyed now blowing bubbles with the plastic die.

“Anyways. Ahem. So I have a list of things to do for you to get me back, but you’re not going to like it.” The hologram says plainly.

“I love you, I am willing to do anything to get you back!” I said to the hologram as my Pipbuck beeps.

“I just sent it to your pipbuck, and I love you too.” Holo-stay said.

I looked at my Pipbuck and saw the new quest list.

*Obtain Byte
*Get him to work with you.
*Go to Tenpony Tower in the Wasteland

My brain crashes like a car wreck. “Byte!? Our sworn enemy banished to be a feline in Celestia's castle Byte? The bane of our existence Byte?!” I yell at the hologram.

“Well, heh heh, yeah.” The hologram replies.

“I’m tempted to leave you dead, my love.” I say looking back at the list again.

“I…”

I sigh, “Of course I want to see you again. I will do it.” I am not happy about it.

“I love you Boo. I will see you soon, yeah?” The hologram holds out a claw for me to fist bump as we really couldn’t hug.

“I love you too.” I bump the hologram's fist and it disappears in a shower of light.

Well, shit. Looks like its time to go visit the former ruler of Equestria Celestia.

I transform back into my earth pony form and trot out of the lab.