“So, these things are called ‘hooves’? And I can walk on them? So cool!! What about these fluffy doo-dahs attached to my back?”

“They’re ‘wings’, Rainbow Dash. You can fly with them as fast as you like, which I think is even cooler! Do you really not remember…”

“Wow, you’re right! It is! But who’s ‘Rainbow Dash’, young dragon? And what exactly am I supposed to ‘remember’?”

“Oh my gosh, Big Brother. She’s really gone. I don’t even think she knows she’s a pegasus now, let alone her own name… what are we supposed to do?.”

Whilst Rainbow continued to ‘admire’ her unfamiliar adornments, Spike… I mean Daisy (ever got the feeling we’ve spent entirely too long in Equestria already?) was bombarding me with highly obvious statements and looking to me for answers I just didn’t have.

What does she take me for, some kind of vet slash head doctor? My earlier suggestion of using my hind legs to deliver another sharp blow to Rainbow’s noggin which perhaps might’ve returned her to her senses has already been rudely turned down, so I’m afraid I’m fresh out of ideas. Well, except for one, perhaps…

“We could always, you know, just leave her here. I’ve been tempted to do that with you in the past sometimes, when you had a screaming fit in public because you didn’t get the shoes you wanted, but I never did because you’re family and also the child protection services plus Mum would’ve eaten me alive. Rainbow ain’t related to us though, and she’s a grown adult so what's stopping us from telling her ‘Look! Over There!’ while we exit stage left?”

“Darren Jones! I’m surprised at you! Here we have a brain-damaged pony in desperate need of our help, and all you can suggest is we abandon her to the many fierce creatures who live in the Everfree Forest! Maybe the last two years of thinking about no-one but yourself has left you with no conscience, but that isn’t true of me! She might’ve been rude to me earlier along with the rest of the Main Five, but that’s no reason to leave her in the middle of nowhere to be monster food! Now, I’m going to find us a way out of here, and she’s coming with us. Besides, as you seem to have already forgotten, we need her to defeat Nightmare Moon! Come on Rainbow, let’s go… no, don’t eat the mushrooms… too late…!”

“B-But that wasn’t my fault! I-I was going through some bad times, a-and Rainbow. She might be a spy, and… gah!” Apparently, my opinion counted for precisely naught as I was forced to half-gallop, half-walk after a chastening Daisy and an uncontrollable pegasus who couldn’t stop trying out her ‘new’ wings and flying far into the distance… before stopping regularly to ask such searching questions such as…

“What is this brown, tall and hard thing with green stuff coming out of it? A tree? Never heard of it. Can I lick it? Yuck. It tastes horrible. Maybe that pink squirmy thing crawling on the ground will taste better. Come here, you! I only wanna take one bite, I swear…”

I’d like to say that Rainbow’s newfound innocence was a sweet and charming experience, but in reality it more resembled Daisy’s chaotic upbringing; constant monitoring, non-stop interventions and a plenty of stern reprimands that she’d paid precisely zero attention to.

So now, despite Daisy’s desperate attempts to claim leadership over our little group, I was stuck with babysitting duty multiplied by deux.

And I can’t even send my darling charges to bed, while I get as drunk as a skunk on the couch and watch highly pornog… ‘artistic’ movies on the TV.

Yes, Mr and Mrs Slaghoople I do often fall asleep with my right hand in my pants for security purposes. I need that baby oil for my terrible spot outbreak. And the wet patch was definitely there when I arrived…

Hmm. I’ve just had a sudden thought. Isn’t it about time we had a time skip?

I think it is! Not convenient for me at all.

Honest.

Well, I don’t know how we managed it, or even whether it was through dumb luck or blind judgement, but after many merry mishaps and trivial trials along the way we finally saw daylight ahead…

(Actually the lights gleamed from a nearby dwelling because it was already getting pretty dark, but ‘daylight’ sounds so much more poetic, dontcha think?)

Roughly one hour had elapsed from when Rainbow Dash had been through her Close Encounters With The Ground ordeal, and she still wasn’t any better.

Oh, there was nothing with her physically, besides the ostrich egg of a lump that decorated her cranial features. But mentally…

Let’s just say, we’d have been miles off-track now and struggling to make any sort of decent time if I hadn’t had the brainwave of using my magic to ‘restrain’ her endless vigour somewhat.

Hey, it’s much better for her neck veins than a leash and far easier to hang onto her using this painless method, too. How did I ever have trouble, using my power? It feels like second nature now.

I may have ‘accidentally’ dragged her through a few muddy puddles en route and might kinda ’unintentionally’ let a few stray sticky plants get entangled in her fur, but who’s counting?

Never let it be said, I’d ever hold a grudge against anypony who crashed into me, drenched me, turned my mane into a great bluish fondue and then had the temerity to expect a ‘thank you’ in return for all that unprovoked abuse.

That’s not me at all. Heh heh.

“At last! A way out. Erm… you can put Rainbow down now, Big Brother. Let’s see if we can get some help for her… wherever we are.”

“Oh darn, just when we were getting to know each other properly. Well, as long as she stays out of trouble. Here you go Rainbow, now stick with us this time, aanndd… she’s off again. Brilliant plan, Daise. Just as I predicted. I can’t wait for you to have kids of your own so you can see what it's like. Bloody difficult, is the answer to that.”

Not surprisingly, Rainbow had been like an uncoiled spring the entire period I’d had her bound, tied and (sadly not) gagged metaphorically with my magic, so as soon as I released the spell, you’d better believe she was up and about and soaring through the wind like Concorde as soon as she spotted that tempting crack of light in the near distance.

At least she’s going in the right direction this time, instead of yet another dangerous diversion. I noted, trying to look on the positive side for a change. But we better get after her before she attracts any attention, which is the last thing you need if you’re a Wanted unicorn and bipedal lizard.

Realising the ‘fugitive’ tag felt much more empowering in classic old Westerns than it did when you’re stranded in a sugary cartoon ‘wonderland’ was my last thought before hastily scampering off after the child-like pegasus, with Daisy leaping onto my back along the way.

I know what you’re thinking, but I’ll allow it this once. Her tiny nubs trying to pass as legs would only slow us down, and if Rainbow happened to ‘raise the alarm’, then we’d be all screwed anyway.

“Giddy up, Big Brother!”

“I’ll make you ‘giddy’ in a minute…”

“We can argue later Darren, she’s getting away!”

“I can see that Daise… it’s not like I’m wearing blinkers!”

“Wait a second. Just ahead… through the light. Isn’t that…”

“Yes actually, I think it is. Well, what do you know. Will wonders never cease…”

Author's Note

Bit of a short chapter, but oh well. At least I have a very clear idea what's going to happen in the next one, and it should be very interesting indeed. Catch you then...