Fallout Equestria: The Ashlands Timeline

Date: Tuesday 11/15/2287
POV: Mina
The Queue

Mina didn't like talking to this creature alone, but the others had their own business inside Discordia, so there she was. She approached Screwball cautiously, bowing.

“Hi!” Screwball smiled. “So if I disembowel you, should I use a spoon or a straw? Maybe a shrubbery! Or a herring!”

“I... are you planning on that?” stammered Mina.

“Maybe,” Screwball nodded, floating around her as if swimming the backstroke. “I don't know what I'll do! I'm bad about not reading the script before a scene.”

“Um, how fascinating,” Mina wasn't sure what else to say. “Well see, the reason I came is...”

“No,” Screwball cut her off.

“P-pardon?” asked Mina. “Did I say something wrong?”

“You thought something wrong!” Screwball pointed a hoof accusingly. “You hoped I'd let you and your flunkies stay here even though I've had to save 1,969 and a half foals that they left outside to die!”

This was not good. The white of Screwball's eyes was fading into bright yellow as she stared Mina down.

“T-that was a misunderstanding!” Mina insisted. “Besides, you saved them all! They're safe, right?”

“You thought I was taking them to Midnight for her to eat!” Screwball screamed. “Without mustard! The neeerve!”

Mina put her hooves over her ears at the shriek and bowed low again, certain Screwball would do something horrible.

“Please, what can I do for you to spare me?” shrieked Mina.

“I demand mustard!” Screwball shrieked even louder. “A bath tub full! With little pickle shaped ants living in it!”

“I-I... what is mustard?” Mina wasn't sure. “Nothing you say makes sense!”

“You don't even know what mustard is?” Screwball shouted in rage.

Screwball was so loud now that Mina's ears were ringing. When Screwball charged her after the enraged shout, Mina thought for sure she was a goner. But then she found herself being hugged gently by Screwball as the strange filly petted the frill on her head. Was she... crying?

“You poor little ling!” Screwball sobbed. “You've never had mustard? No wonder you turned out so evil!”

“I-it's fine,” Mina had never been more confused. “I will… try to find some.”

Screwball stopped crying as quickly as she started, shoving Mina suddenly onto the ground and floating back up above her.

“Fine, I won't gut you with a dull pillow and string up your organs like party balloons,” Screwball said. “The organ party-balloon thing has been done to death anyway, but I'm only sparing you because you were nice enough to say I make no sense. And because Gloomy's friends probably don't want to see me blowing up your organs with helium on their way out.”

“T-thank you,” said Mina carefully. She regretted even trying this.

“You still can't come in,” Screwball shrugged. “Considering how fast changelings grow up, I'll accept any of them younger than 42 minutes, -24 months, and 1337 days old, but anyone else has to prove they’re not too corrupted!”

“Uh…that’s uh…2 years? W-we're not going to give up our grubs,” Mina backed up slowly in case that enraged the strange creature again.

“Aww, I wanted some baby lings,” sighed Screwball sadly, then turned and swam through the air chasing a blue fish in a top hat. “It's their problem though if they have horrible parents that don't want them to live here. The batties can send their cutie foals up to the usual 69 months, but the older ones have to apply individually! None of this getting your whole civilization in with a single request.”

“I-I... very well,” Mina nodded. “I understand. Thank you again for sparing my life.”

“Oh you wouldn’t’ve gone kaput, just be really uncomfortable, unless you left here like a dumb dumb before I was done! I do lose track of time… Anyways, see, I knew we could work things out!” Screwball smiled, before suddenly turning red and vibrating. “NOW ONLY COME BACK AFTER YOU’VE STOPPED BEING A MEANIE, AND HAVE EATEN MANY MEANIE MINI MARES WITH MUSTARD!”

A very angry-looking boot appeared, kicking Mina in the plot so hard she yelped, and in a flash of light, Mina blinked from existence and fell on the floor inside the Overmare's office at Stable 41. It took her a while to get her senses, and when she did, she realized that Starlight had decided to sit at the desk in her office.

“Ah, you,” Starlight looked disappointed to see only her, but not surprised that she appeared in a sudden flash of white light considering who they went to see. “Since you're alone, I assume the others were allowed inside, that's good at least.”

“Y-yeah,” Mina pulled herself up as she tried to relax, still shaking slightly from Screwball. “Screwball wasn't happy with me, and won’t have any of my group. She said I could offer for the ponies in the stable to apply there. They have to do it individually, but she mentioned being adept at time warps so she can probably do them all very quickly.”

“You do that,” Starlight peered as if Mina was annoying her by being inside her own office.

“Who is that?” Maud's voice asked, even though Mina didn't see her anywhere in the room. “Do I need to come out and kill something?”

“It's fine, Maud,” Starlight said to a book sitting on the desk in front of her. “It's just the changeling.”

“So she DOES need to come out and kill something, then,” Crimson's voice said from the same book.

Mina trembled slightly, hoping these ponies weren’t actually about to murder her. Strangely, she momentarily lost control of her bladder, maybe Screwball scared her even more than she thought.

“Not that changeling, though it looks like she’s just as easily scared,” Starlight told the book while smirking in a way that told Mina showing weakness was a bad mistake to make.

“Oh,” Crimson sounded disappointed. “We'll stay here and buck some more, then.”

“As you will,” Starlight told the book, then turned to Mina with a sudden friendly demeanor. “I'm sorry you couldn't save your hive in that manner, especially since Midnight is very likely to search here now that we've caused a ruckus in the area. She’s certain to find you. However, I may have a solution for you other than Discordia.”

“You think Midnight will come for us?” Mina felt chills as she stood up and tried to clean herself off to maintain a semblance of dignity before this intimidating mare. “W-what is the alternative?”

“There's a local hive in my city, Holder,” said Starlight. “It's a secret because we are technically in Midnight's territory, but it should be easy enough for me to bring you in and say you're refugees. You'll all have to be something other than bat ponies though; Midnight will try to recruit you if you're bat ponies.”

“You mentioned your local hive before,” said Mina. “But you said they'd be angry with you.”

“For letting Olivia die, yes,” sighed Starlight. “They won't believe that I wasn't able to stop it, may even think I am responsible in spite of all evidence to the contrary. They may become aggressive, and even one replacement in my ranks could spell disaster for my continued efforts to stop Trinity, the tormentor of your kind. However, they are a very small hive... not even two dozen.”

“Ah, I see where this is going,” Mina nodded. It was an uncomfortable request, but they did owe this unicorn and it might be their only way to safety. “If our larger hive were to merge with that hive by force, the voices in support of you would outnumber those against and the hive would never vote to take action against you.”

“Only if they make it necessary,” Starlight nodded. “Since I’m sure it would be more difficult than that, however, there is also an empty Stable between Holder and Ramble, which even has automated upkeep, that you could also inhabit as ‘non-changeling’ refugees. You’d be deeply in my debt as long as I kept you all a secret. Do you think we might have an agreement?”

They'd have to come up with all new personas and a cover story for where they came from, but it might work. She just hoped it’d keep her away from all the murderous crazy ponies she’d heard of like Trinity, Cozy, Midnight, Pony Hitler, and The Incredibly-Abominable Snowdrop. Starlight seemed like that type as well, but more of one to do things at a distance so most of the hive could live peacefully, with a few unlucky ones like Mina to serve as agents. Maybe if she was lucky, she could fulfill Screwball’s conditions on the side…

“I think... we can come to an understanding,” nodded Mina, gulping as she accepted an offer she knew she couldn’t refuse.

POV: Twilight Sparkle

When they got back to the Queue, they found Screwball rolling around laughing her ass off. ...literally; she kept having to grab it and put it back on while it’d laugh, with sputters. It was a little disturbing.

“You should have seen the look on her face!” Screwball laughed as Twilight and friends came into view. “I bet she won't be able to sleep tonight because she'll keep wetting herself in fear!... Literally! I put a curse on her to make sure!” She suddenly became still. “Awww, I should have cursed her to pee mustard. I feel like a jerk now.”

Twilight was sure she should tell Screwball not to do that, but was afraid of anything she suggested making it worse.

“I thought your mother frowned upon you cursing ponies outside your borders,” said Ovo.

That worked.

“You're no fun,” Screwball rolled her eyes. “Fine, I’ll stop messing with her bladder, and just send her a mustard recipe, so she can come back on time. So you're all going to report to... her?”

“Yes, we're reporting to Starlight,” Twilight confirmed. There was no point in hiding it, and they needed Screwball to trust them anyway.

“Do you know what she did to Mommy Eris?” Screwball floated over to Twilight, peering into her eyes with unnerving seriousness.

“I have a general idea,” nodded Twilight. “She... performed experiments on her, things that shouldn't have been done to anypony, much less one so sweet as your mother.”

“You knew Mommy Eris, didn't you,” said Screwball. “And you knew Daddy Discord.”

Twilight was pretty sure she saw Screwball a few times too during Discord's brief reign in her timeline. She couldn't help but wonder now if who she saw was Discord's and Fluttershy's daughter from the future; it wouldn’t be out of the question with someone as odd as him.

“I was there too?” Screwball replied to Twilight's thoughts. “Neat! I probably lost my watch and got time in the wrong order again.”

“Um, right,” said Twilight. “But yes, I know your parents there. Both of them are my good friends, who I care for very much.”

“Don't overdo it,” smirked Screwball and swam around Twilight's head. “You only care-cared for one, but I believe you were both their friend.” Without warning, Screwball stopped swimming and hugged Twilight's head close. “Thanks for making Mommy Eris happy in at least one world.”

“Aw,” Twilight couldn't help but hug her back. “It was my pleasure, little one. I hope to make her happier when I return to my timeline.”

“Return?” Screwball tilted her head. “Come to think of it, do you really want to protect this world? I mean you think it’s just going to blink out of existence when you go, even if it won’t. Your timeline is fine even now.”

“W-what?” Twilight went from a touching moment to having her guts twist in anxiety. Did she know what was going on in Twilight’s timeline? “Excuse me? Could you explain more?”

“It means... boop!” Screwball touched a hoof to Twilight's nose, and in a flash her and her friends disappeared, re-appearing back in the Overmare's office at Stable 41.

Damn it! Leave it to a chaos spirit to give her a riddle and leave her hanging. There was nothing she could do about it now, though. Still, at least she hadn’t said that Twilight would never get back, and even confirmed that going back wouldn’t effectively kill everyone in this timeline. Twilight was thankful for that weight being off her conscience.

When she arrived, she found Starlight sitting at the Overmare's desk like she owned the place, her front legs behind her head and hind legs propped on the desk. She looked satisfied enough with herself that it made Twilight feel a chill. Hadn't she been sitting in that same position when Twilight found her timeline’s Starlight in her own palace? Twilight half expected her to start giving a villain speech.

Starlight jerked, almost falling out of her seat when so many appeared at once, but quickly composed herself and sat up. So no villain speech, then.

“Glad you all made it back in one piece,” Starlight said, looking at Ovo right off. “Commander Ovo, I assume? You appear even more impressive than I imagined.”

“I'm taken,” Ovo said with a grave face. It was impossible to know how serious he was.

“Pardon,” Starlight said after a brief pause, uncertain herself. “I only meant your commanding presence, and your incredible power.”

“You can't read my power,” said Ovo. “Not even Screwball can do that, so don't compliment things you know nothing of.”

Ovo was very short with Starlight compared to how he had spoken to Twilight. He clearly didn't trust her, but on the plus side, that meant maybe he did trust Twilight. It was also interesting if Starlight really couldn't scan him. Twilight wished she could try herself, if only to see in what fashion it was hidden.

Starlight chuckled awkwardly and tapped Crimson's book, which lay on the desk in front of her, and spoke loudly. “Maud? Can you come out here?”

The book opened and Maud's hoof reached out of the page, grabbing hold of the desk and hoisting herself out of it. The earth pony panted as she crawled out of the book and tumbled off the table to stand next to Starlight, though it looked like it still hurt her to stand. She was drenched in sweat, and Twilight assumed it wasn't from manual labor, so she didn't look at the book pages. No telling what she might see.

Maud's relationship with Crimson made Twilight all the more nervous now that they knew Tranquil was dead. She hoped that Crimson didn't convince Maud to do something horrible to Figment on her behalf. Twilight also couldn't figure if Maud would be a good or bad influence on Crimson by herself.

“Mina had no luck with Screwball,” informed Starlight as Maud was pulling herself out. “I offered them shelter at Holder or Stable 5 under conditions, we'll go over that later.”

Twilight was sure they would, and that she’d leave much of it out.

“Is Crimson coming out?” asked Twilight with a sigh.

“I don't need to come out,” Crimson said from inside the book. “Everyone already knows I'm a raging dyke, except maybe that widow-bucking impostor.”

Twilight wanted to add 'that saved your life', but knew it wouldn't do any good.

Figment cringed and backed into a corner. Twilight motioned to him to come back to the desk with the rest of them, but he politely shook his head. Twilight understood that Crimson was mad, and she wasn't happy with Figment for deceiving them for so long, but realized he did it with misguided good intent. In this world, that alone put him above the vast majority of others as far as morality.

“Enough of your lover's quarrel,” Ovo rolled his eyes. “Twilight. Gloomy. Make your report to Trinity 2.0. I'm mostly here to observe.”

“Yes, a report would be appreciated,” Starlight maintained her smile but twitched one eye. “I assure you though, sir, I am nothing like Trinity.”

“Of course you aren't,” said Ovo. “Only your genetics and the first few decades of your life are identical.”

“I think the other 200 years and... a few other things set her apart,” Starlight kept her cool but must have been boiling inside. “I am offering to help you in your fight against this Trinity, Commander. Do you not take the offer seriously?”

“You have yet to prove you are a serious contender,” Ovo said. “You've been lucky because the big guns are busy firing at one another, but we both know you’d never have made it out of the gate if that wasn’t the case. Don't get me wrong, I hope you do turn out to be all you claim, but you have a lot to prove.”

Twilight thought she saw what he was doing. This sort of challenge would no doubt make Starlight more determined to prove herself to him. Maybe he was making sure she wouldn’t back out of the mission to Trinity’s lair. It would probably work, but Twilight was not sure she approved.

“Very well,” said Starlight, taking a deep breath. “May I ask what Screwball said in regards to our issue? You were there longer, so I assume you had more luck.”

“Screwball agreed to help us, with conditions,” said Twilight. “If we can find a cure for Eris, Screwball will get us back out of the Ministry of Magitech once we're inside. But her condition is a tall order.”

“We will do what we must,” Maud said.

“What is Eris’ condition?” Starlight asked with sincere curiosity.

“She absorbed CME and balefire blasts to protect her citizens,” said Twilight. “The combination of that with chaos magic has rendered her so lethal that she can no longer interact with her citizens safely. Long story short, my theory for curing her involves using hoofnium, but Screwball can't make any without a sample to use as a template. Statera will be sending scouts to find a source, but have no idea where one might be.”

“Right,” Starlight looked thoughtful, but notably confused. “Where to find something like that.”

Twilight got the impression that Starlight didn't know what hoofnium was and didn't want to admit it by asking. Starlight seemed to know surprisingly little about most of the technology she 'invented'. Twilight wondered how much of her knowledge actually got transferred over when she split from Trinity, or if it leaked out after. She had ripped her own soul gem out while still alive, after all.

“None of the stables we've been to thus far have or use it,” said Twilight, being nice enough to answer the question with context without Starlight having to admit her lack of knowledge. “So we need to find one with a reactor that uses hoofnium as a stabilization component.”

“I've ordered scouts to scour the potential areas we know of,” said Ovo. “As well as intact libraries for more information, but my understanding is that it was rarely used by the time of the Breaking due to its scarcity.”

“Stable 19 used that type,” called Crimson from within the book. “It's the only one I know of that still did by the time of the Breaking, so pretty much every bit we had was shipped there. Like Mister Serious says, the stuff was hard to come by. You're not fooling anyone, by the way.”

“Pardon?” Ovo quirked one ear, peering as he tensed up noticeably.

“I can tell a closet psychopath when I meet one,” Crimson said.

“Charming,” Ovo said, but didn't seem offended. He even relaxed, as if he thought she meant something else.

“Ignore her, Commander,” Gloomy said. “But damn... That's the stable in Manehattan that Unicornia originated from. That is literally the worst answer for us.”

“Crimson,” Starlight said. “Come out and tell us about this Stable 19.”

“Oh yeah,” Crimson said. “Like I have a reason to follow the Empress who's going to be murder-raped by Olivia's hive as soon as we get back to Holder. That's if Mister Serious doesn't string your guts up like Hearth's Warming ornaments for funsies first.”

Crimson had become a lot more blunt to Starlight since she found out Tranquil was dead, for certain. Starlight could no longer threaten Tranquil’s life, and Crimson barely cared about her own.

“Crimson,” Starlight warned. “This is not the time, so if you don't want the book tossed in a fire, you'll come out right now.”

“The Crimoire tossed in a fire,” corrected Crimson. “And you wouldn't dare. You're in front of a potential ally and Maud is a hair's width from killing you already. How do you think she'll react to you murdering her new fiancee?”

“Fiancee?!” Twilight blurted before she could stop herself. She hoped that was a joke! But wait, more importantly... “Starlight! You need to stop threatening your subjects! It's unbecoming of a leader, and it’s starting to cause real trouble now!”

“I was speaking figuratively of course,” Starlight smiled at Twilight, though Twilight knew better. She looked very much like she wanted to say more but wouldn't in front of Ovo.

“Can we not do this?” asked Mercury, wilting in the corner next to Figment.

“She’s right,” Gloomy stepped between Twilight and Starlight. “Everyone is stressed here, let's not let it devolve into violence.”

“Crimson,” said Maud. “Cooperate or I will cease putting out indefinitely.”

Without a word, Crimson popped out of the book much as Maud had, though more used to it as she slid off the table and stood next to her. She leaned against Maud to pretend she could stand easily on her own. What struck Twilight most, though, was that she looked like she'd been crying.

Twilight wished she knew how to help Crimson cope with such a loss. She'd know exactly what to say to help a normal pony, but Crimson was different, so it was hard to know what would comfort her.

The serious consideration crashed like a train into a mountain, though, when Maud grasped Crimson's head. She licked one of Crimson's cheeks and then the other, and it took Twilight a moment to realize that she was tasting Crimson's tears. She was about to get on to Maud until Crimson's angry face returned to a grin.

Perhaps Twilight shouldn't be surprised that Maud knew exactly what insensitive thing to do to comfort Crimson. She just hoped it was only that and not Crimson's influence changing Maud.

“Your grief is delicious, ‘dear’,” Maud stated calmly before pulling back to stand as she was.

“Interesting,” said Ovo. “I've never seen that done with so much... positive emotion.” Despite the disagreements around him, he seemed relatively unfazed.

“You've seen it done a lot, have you?” Mercury asked nervously.

“I humbly ask that you cease all strange fetishes until the meeting has adjourned,” Starlight said in the most polite voice she was capable of. “Crimson, please start by telling us about Stable 19's experiment.”

“A study of racism,” Crimson said.

“Color me not surprised,” Ovo said. He and Gloomy rolled their eyes together.

“Basically,” said Crimson. “They divided the stable into sections for pegasi, unicorns, earth ponies, bat ponies, and griffons. A huge stockpile of weapons was provided, but only enough food and water filtration to support one of those populations. And of course all the resources were located in the middle between all the branches. I’m sure you see where this is going.”

“So a conflict broke out,” nodded Twilight. “And since each race was in a wing together, the residents naturally grouped by race. I take it the unicorns came out on top.”

“By slaughtering every mare, stallion, and foal of the other populations,” said Crimson. “Those that didn’t escape at least. Stable-Tec had the stable set to purge at the end of the experiment, but some naughty Overmare from the primary control stable told them and they were able to disengage the bomb that would have destroyed them.”

A stable that would trick creatures into coming in for safety from bombs only to trick them into killing each other before blowing them up at the end. Twilight wished she was surprised; she wished that a lot lately.

“You told them?” asked Mercury. “You said you lost contact with the other stables immediately... wait, no never mind.” She sighed and looked at the floor.

“Almost fell back into that bad habit of assuming anything I told you was true,” Crimson smirked at Mercury. “But yes, they stayed in contact with us longer than any other. Since they were the best equipped, I figured it wouldn't hurt for them to owe us one. Turned out it might hurt after all in the end. Oops.”

“Maybe,” said Starlight. “Do you think that 'one' might still be owed in their eyes?”

“Well,” Crimson shrugged and chuckled. “I may have convinced them that my stable was wiped out by tentacle monsters and should under no circumstances ever be entered. They started asking questions I didn't want to answer and were too extreme for my tastes. They only talked to me to begin with because I lied and told them I'd cleansed my stable of inferior races, when in fact I’d only cleansed it of the inferior gender.”

“Too extreme for your tastes?” Starlight blinked. “You're exaggerating.”

“I believe her,” said Ovo.

“So do I,” said Gloomy. “While you never went out of your way to harass the outside, any of their exploration parties that meet a non-unicorn torture them to death and leave their mangled bodies nailed to something, even foals. It’s even thought that they keep small populations of other races like cattle for experiments or spell components.”

“Tsk,” Crimson sounded as if it really offended her. “Disgusting. Wasting good torture for the sake of hate rather than fun.”

“There’s merit in both,” commented Ovo.

“Anyway,” continued Crimson. “They asked me about the CME system in Canterlot and wanted to trade for components. They refused to say what they wanted them for, but letting them have a system like that? ...no thanks. So I took steps to convince them that Canterlot was unsafe, like even more than it actually was.”

“How long ago was this?” asked Starlight.

“A bit over sixty years, I think,” said Crimson. “A few years before the Sun stopped. I'm pretty sure they came and grabbed some components from the CME themselves, but didn't chance knocking on our door when they did.”

“What makes you say that?” asked Twilight. “If this is true, the timing of the Sun stopping is a bit too convenient.”

“Well maybe it's a stretch,” said Crimson. “You know how the crater in Canterlot is full of pink cloud? The reason is that the cloud generator beneath the castle kept running after a rupture; we could see the cloud flow to the crater from our outside cameras. But less than a year after I cut off contact with Unicornia, it stopped abruptly. Maybe it's a coincidence, or maybe that's when they took the components, since they'd have to shut the thing off to get to them.”

“Strange Limestone did not see them,” commented Maud.

“They’d have been in similar armor to Canterlot guards,” shrugged Crimson. “So she might have thought it wasn’t important enough to share.”

“You didn't think this was worth mentioning before?” Starlight and Ovo asked almost in unison.

“Nightmare save us,” Gloomy gasped without thinking. “If they ever got a CME system working...”

“I didn't think it was important,” shrugged Crimson. “If they were going to use it to blow up the world, they would have done so sometime over the last 60 years, so if they're using it, it's not for that.”

“Maybe they tried, but it backfired, and caused the sun to stop,” pondered Twilight darkly. “Though I’ve no idea how that would happen.”

“None of that is important, yet,” said Maud. “We need to get this substance from them if we are to save my sisters.”

“Yes, one problem at a time,” sighed Twilight. “We could always send a delegation of all our unicorns and... I don't know... talk to them?” She braced herself for refusal; ponies in this world hated the 'talk things out' option.

“I hate to say it, but that's your only option,” Ovo agreed at least. “We won't be able to steal it, and even if Screwball agreed to help, it might be a violation of your 'contract' with her since you didn't get the cure yourselves that way. I know from experience not to give Screwball an easy way to worm out of a bargain on a technicality.”

“So then me, Crimson, Mercury, and Twilight,” said Starlight. “Unless Twilight's broken horn would be an issue? Gloomy?”

“Her being an alicorn would be the issue,” said Gloomy.

“They're racist against alicorns?” Starlight quirked one ear. “I was hoping her broken horn might buy us sympathy points, especially if we claim it was broken by 'inferior races'.”

“They call alicorns 'mutts',” said Ovo. “To them, alicorns represent a mixture of their master unicorn race with other inferior races. They find them more offensive than anything else.”

“What if I just show them photos that don't show her wings,” Starlight said. “Say that she's too ill from the attack to make the journey. It'd give us a believable motive to claim that we share their views. We claim that Twilight is my wife who was maimed in an attack by an inferior, and because of that I've come around to their way of thinking.”

“It is disturbing how seamlessly you come up with a lie,” Twilight put one hoof on her face. She didn't like deception, but she had gotten too used to it by this point.

“That's a pretty petty reason,” said Ovo. “But they're all about petty, so it shouldn’t be too hard to use.”

“We need a believable reason to need the hoofnium,” said Maud. “No, Boulder, I'm not going to ask him how hard he can get.”

“Oh, hello Boulder,” Ovo commented. “Didn't see your rock pouch there.”

“You reported to him about Boulder and Maud's rock pouch?” Twilight asked Gloomy as an aside. “You must be impressively thorough in your reports.”

“Did I?” Gloomy scratched his head as if not remembering having mentioned it. “I must have, I guess.”

“This may sound crazy,” said Twilight, turning her attention back to the matter at hoof. “But you could just tell them the truth, that we need it to fulfill an agreement with Screwball so we can destroy the Ministry of Magitech.”

“Perhaps,” Starlight's agreement surprised Twilight until she continued. “We could claim one of Trinity's changelings broke her horn while disguised as a unicorn, and so I've targeted her for revenge, and am only using Screwball with the intent to backstab her later. We shouldn't tell them that Screwball will use it to bring Eris back into commission though; maybe say that she'll use it to cleanse some of the radioactive realms left from the mega-spells.”

“Believable,” commented Mercury from her corner. “But would they just hoof over something that valuable?”

“It could be more likely than you assume,” said Starlight. “We only need a tiny sample of something that absorbs radiation and thus can't be used as a weapon. Especially when we're also about to go on a suicidal mission anyway, but either way they'll want something in return.”

“Well,” Ovo said. “The only thing we know 'Princess Platinum' might want would be an addition to her ever-growing harem.”

“We can't give her anypony from Holder, obviously,” said Starlight. “I'll ask Mina if she has any suitable unicorns captive in the stable. Does she like stallions, mares, or both?”

“All the harem members we've spotted outside have been stallions,” said Ovo.

“Oh no, no, no,” Twilight shook her head. “We are not trading her a living pony. We'll find something else she wants.”

“We will not engage in slavery,” said Maud, her voice darker than usual.

“N-not what I meant,” said Starlight, though the awkward laugh that followed said it probably was what she meant. “One might volunteer. After all, it'd have to be a better life than they have here. If her harem is that large, there wouldn’t be a lot to do other than live in luxury.”

“Uh, maybe I could help?” Figment squeaked out the words.

“Yes, maybe you could die,” Crimson grunted. “Save me the trouble.”

“Crimson,” Starlight, Twilight, and Maud all said her name in warning at once.

“You're not impressing me with the amount of cohesion you don't inspire,” Ovo commented to Starlight. “Perhaps you are less like Trinity than I suspected. She’s nothing if not ‘cohesive’.”

“W-Well uh,” Figment stammered with growing nervousness after Crimson’s reprimand. “If you know what she'd like, I could take the form of her perfect stallion, so to speak.”

“They have systems to detect changelings,” said Ovo. “Trinity already tried to get spies in and only managed to give them a herd of changelings to farm magical components from. After that, they made new laws against bringing in outsiders, it was very annoying.”

“Well, but would they work in my... condition?” Figment asked. “The reason Olivia and even Chrysalis couldn't tell I was a changeling was because of the damage to part of my brain. Until it heals, I'll probably be impervious to detection. It'll hurt to change, but if that's what we need to do...”

“And the detection in Ramble didn’t work either,” mused Starlight. “That system had been actively stolen from Unicornians, recently too, so it’s likely what they still use. If you think you can deal with the pain when you expect it, at least.”

“Did Chrysalis not know?” asked Twilight. “She also said the Tranquil we left in Canterlot was a changeling, so I assumed she was covering for you.”

“If neither felt like a changeling to her,” said Ovo. “She likely would have covered for whichever one was alive, just in case.” His tone became even more serious as he looked at Figment in an almost fatherly manner. “Figment. You don't have to risk your life to make up for anything. You've done nothing wrong.”

Twilight had been about to comfort Figment herself. It surprised her that Ovo of all ponies beat her to it, given questionable statements he’d made up to that point.

“The buck he doesn't,” said Crimson.

“Um, Figment?” Mercury asked quietly. “That will regenerate, right? They'll be able to tell you're a changeling eventually.”

“Depends on how often they check,” said Gloomy. “But I'm betting they check regularly after Trinity tried to get spies in there.”

“The doctors in Holder said it wouldn’t start healing a lot until I forced myself to shift a lot,” said Figment. “I probably have a month of leeway at least, and getting out shouldn't be too hard. I'm sure there would be an opportunity to turn into a gnat and buzz off, or hitch a ride with one of their exploration patrols as an inanimate object.”

“Well worst-case scenario,” said Starlight. “We feign ignorance and say he replaced one of our own. You realize Figment, that if they catch on, I have to disavow knowledge of you to save the rest of us, right?”

“I understand,” Figment stood a little taller, as if determined to look brave. “I won't hold it against you if that happens, nor give you away.”

“This is a bad idea,” said Gloomy. “We risk making Unicornia more interested in the world outside their city. Maybe we should wait to see what the Statera scouts come up with.”

“I appreciate their service,” said Starlight, though Twilight wasn't sure why she bothered faking a smile at this point. Maybe from habit.. “But you yourself told us we have to move fast if we're going to counter the power gap between Starlight and Midnight.”

Gloomy was right. This was a bad idea...but Starlight was right too, and it pained Twilight.

Moreover, Twilight had to get into the Ministry of Magitech to get her hooves on that copy of Starswirl's time spell.

“I... agree with Figment's plan,” Twilight couldn't bring herself to say she agreed with Starlight directly. “Though I'm... not exactly comfortable that Figment might have to have sex with somepony he doesn't want to.”

“He's a changeling,” said Ovo. “The chance of him disliking a free hole of any kind is impossibly slim, even if he despises the owner of said hole.”

“He's not wrong,” blushed Figment. “And I imagine she’s probably gorgeous.”

“Though I do have misgivings,” said Ovo. “He has information that Unicornia should not possess.”

“I would die before I would give them information,” said Figment, but sounded like he might be trying to convince himself.

“There’s no guarantee you would have to tell them,” said Ovo. “We have no idea what kind of technology they may have.”

“I would not dishonor his bravery by refusing his offer,” said Starlight. “I'm sure Mercury can whip him up a painless suicide pill just in case.”

“Um... the buck I will!” Mercury blinked.

“I hate to say, but it’s not a bad idea,” Ovo said. “If he’s okay with it.”

“Yes, completely!” Figment nodded. He really was determined to help, and wouldn’t likely be convinced otherwise, so Twilight sighed and held her thoughts in.

“I won’t,” Mercury shook her head.

“You. Will,” Starlight said sternly to her.

“Starlight…” Twilight was tired of holding her back.

“You're getting feisty, Mercury,” Crimson looked impressed even if she'd want Mercury to cooperate on that one. “I'm agreeable to Figment going on any life-endangering mission, though. I'll just have to count voting for him to go as participating in his murder when he flails at it. Then I won’t be breaking my vow to murder males that I buck.”

“You really want me to die that much?” asked Figment, ears wilting.

“I would rip out my own soul gem and smash it if I knew you'd die screaming because of it,” said Crimson.

“Wow,” Figment sat and looked at the floor, starting to tear up.

“Crimson,” Twilight sighed, then turned to Figment and whispered. “I don't think she means that.”

“Yeah, she does,” sniffled Figment.

“Stay on topic,” Maud said. “I vote for the plan.”

“Figment,” Mercury sighed, patting Figment's shoulder when he started crying. “You don't have anything to prove to Crimson.”

“I do,” Figment shook his head. “But that's not why I'm volunteering. I... I don't even understand it myself, but I... I want to keep her safe. And she won't be safe with Trinity at large.”

“Come again?” Maud tilted her head.

“With any luck,” said Crimson. “He won't cum ever again.”

Twilight wished that Crimson would stop that, but she was too exhausted to argue further. She'd signed off on the plan too, so she would be responsible the same as everyone else.

“I'm glad Twilight isn't going at least, then,” said Gloomy. “I'm not fond of her leaving somewhere I can't guard her. And yeah, I agree with the plan as well if Twilight and Ovo do.”

“Thank you, Gloomy,” smiled Twilight. “But I'm not fond of not going.”

“If he insists that he volunteers, then yes,” sighed Ovo. “But it seems safer to have Chrysalis do it. She is back at Holder, yes? My understanding is that she’s the least detectable changeling in existence, and a great deal more capable of taking some of them with her if it comes to that.”

“I doubt she would volunteer,” said Starlight. “And we don’t have time to be running back and forth with things on a timer.”

“So what do the rest of us do while you're all doing that?” Gloomy asked.

“Perhaps we should head back first,” said Maud. “With Olivia's body and the evidence for how she died. It may be best if Starlight is not there during the initial explanation.”

“Good point,” nodded Starlight. “You can go into Holder before me to explain things and tell me if anything is up over the PCB when I’m in range. Also… any changelings that want will travel back with you. Initially they’ll stop at Ramble, and can hopefully get whatever procedure Olivia used to make her own hive immune to Trinity’s detection. Then depending on what Ramble wants, they can either stay there, move into Stable 5, or head to Holder.”

“How many are coming?” asked Twilight.

“I’m not certain how many,” said Starlight, which Twilight assumed meant ‘a lot’ and she was worried about Twilight disagreeing. “It shouldn’t matter, since they can shift into very small things or hide in Crimson’s book, and they’ll bring their own food for the journey, which can also be hidden in the book.”

“Are we sure that we can trust all of them that come?” asked Twilight. “Considering the way they were living here, please take precautions.”

“All needed precautions will be taken,” Starlight assured. “No need to be racist.”

“I was not being…” Twilight growled, but bit her tongue, knowing Starlight wanted to annoy her.

Starlight stared at Twilight for a long moment, then looked at Maud.

“Maud,” Starlight said. “You will take extra care to guard Twilight on the way back. If something were to happen to her, it would likely be blamed on me given our disagreements, and I can’t afford more suspicion.”

Twilight nodded, caught off guard and at least partially impressed. But she was also suspicious at how contrary it seemed to Starlight’s degrading personality. She and Gloomy would have to be careful themselves, in case that was part of a ruse.

“It seems we’re in agreement then,” Starlight smiled when no one else spoke. “Since we’re not in a hurry to get back, you can also camp once a day on your way back.”

As if Twilight wasn’t suspicious enough of her agreeableness.

“I'll find out where the nearest Unicornian patrol is and get you in touch with them,” said Ovo. “Realistically it will take around a week to get an audience, but it should take about that long to get to Unicornia as well. The area around it is fairly clear of monstrosities due to their patrols, but still rough travel.”

“Thank you for your cooperation,” said Starlight. “I know you’re not sure of us yet, but we’ll prove that you can be.”

“We’ll see; I'll head back and brief the others,” said Ovo, glancing at Figment again before disappearing in a flash of teleport magic. Twilight wished she knew how he was able to teleport from city to city despite the interference, but it had to go at the bottom of her list of things to figure out for now.