Tangled Wings

“Twilight, get a hold of yourself!” My number one assistant cried as I tried to fly out the window.

“But-but she’s lost! She’s out there and doesn’t know where she is! We have to find her! It’s almost nightfall!” I couldn’t believe he was being so callous. We had to gather as many ponies as we could and form a search party.

“Gabby is out there looking. She said this happens on a weekly basis.” He pulled me away from the window and looked into my eyes. “Calm down, she’s fine. I’m sure she’s just fine.”

“But-but she’s all alone…”

“Gabby will find her. Don’t worry. What’s gotten into you lately?!” Spike backed away and threw his little hands up.

“What do you mean? It’s normal to worry about a friend, especially my girlfriend.” He was the one acting weird. He kept pointing out all these ‘weird things’ he’d seen me do all week, as if they were some sort of proof of illness.

“Yeah but not fly-out-the-window worry. Come on Twilight, you’ve been off since you invited Derpy to our family day.” He gave me the hairy eyeball again. I raised my eyebrows.

“I told you, it’s normal to invite your girlfriend to family days. And she’s been extra careful and sweet lately. Except today, she’s done her job well, and helped me a lot.” I almost made it sound like she was getting rewarded. The truth was I really wanted my family to meet her, not just to prove I was really dating somepony. She was becoming a more important pony in my life lately and I wanted her to feel welcome around them.

“Ha!” He returned full of snark.

“She hasn’t? I think that squirrel has been helping her.” Derpy’s pet squirrel, Nutzo, was helping her find her deliveries and warning her of impending danger. He’d help keep her safe these past few weeks.

“Twilight, aside from finding houses easier and bumping her head less, she really hasn’t changed at all. She hasn’t gotten sweeter. I don’t think she’s helped much more either.” The dragon crossed his arms and glared at me, his eyes searching for some unseen thing.

“You sure? I mean she stopped and got me hayburgers when I was sick.. I couldn’t eat it because I was sick but it was very thoughtful.” I had actually felt better having her there rather than a grease-filled bag of food.

“That was it! That was when you started acting… different. Did something happen between you two when she was trying to take care of you?” Spike raised an eyebrow in thought.

“Nothing that I noticed. She just made me feel as comfortable as she could. Even wrapped me up in her wings to keep me warm.” That warmth made me stop shivering so much for the first time that day. It was the only thing that helped. Of course my fever broke seconds later but I swear I felt warmer from her wings first.

“Did your heart flutter strangely when she did that?”

“I was sick, Spike. I felt many weird symptoms.” I did feel a little woozy at the time but I didn’t remember cardiac issues.

“How about since? Have you been extra-excited to see her?”

“Well… I mean the normal amount.. I think.” It was odd that her appearance seemed to correspond to the strange giddy feeling I’d been experiencing lately.

“What about butterflies? Does it feel like you have them in your stomach when she’s gone?”

“She gets lost, Spike. Yes, I’m nervous when she leaves, but who knows if she’ll make it back fine. Like how she’s lost right now. We should go find her.” I moved toward the windows again, but a dragon claw grabbed my tail.

“I think I know what’s going on!”

“I think it’s just in your head and you’re trying to stall me from going out and looking.” I glowered at him and his distraction tactics.

“You’re in love!” He cried. At first I said nothing but then the truth of what he said hit me like a brick wall. Was I really in love? I mean we felt closer than we did when we started but we knew more about one another. She also visited more frequently which was nice because Spike had been out more since his relationship with Gabby started.

“I don't know about that, Spike. I think we’re just getting more comfortable with each other lately.” It made more logical sense that I had fallen in love with her and didn’t notice.

“Come on, you have all the signs—”

“Symptoms.”

“Symptoms?”

“Signs are visible and can be seen by others, symptoms are those that the pony feels. The intangibles.” I had noticed the distinction when reading up on first aid. It was best to have the knowledge for Derpy’s sake. Just in case.

“Fine. You have all the symptoms of a pony in love. Your heart flutters around her; you’re extra excited when she’s here; nervous and sad when she’s gone; I told you this a few weeks ago but you didn’t believe me then.” He placed his hands on his hips in a scolding manner. “And now I think it’s full blown love, not just the beginnings of it.”

“Oh Spike, that doesn’t make sense. How can I be in love and not know it?” I tried to sound as convincing as ever but a nagging doubt started to grow.

“I don’t know, because you’re you. And you’ve never been in love before. And no books don’t count, they can’t love you back.”

“Fine! But I have been keeping a journal to document the entire relationship. I wanted to make sure the experience was fresh in my mind and I could see the precise moment things changed. I’ve reread them every night for the past couple weeks and I don’t see any changes.” There was no way love happened and I missed it. I was extremely thorough.

“Uh huh. And the fact that you’ve been going over them nightly for the past weeks isn’t a change?” The little dragon wore a smirk of triumph and I was starting to feel betrayed by my diligence.

“I I I.. Sweet Celestia!” I finally said as his words clicked into place. “This is awful!”

“Being in love is awful?”

“Missing the moment I fell in love is awful, Spike. How can I study love if I didn’t even notice it in me when I was looking for it?! I was hoping to write something for ponies to help them move from friendships to relationships if they wanted to. Something that would make it easier for them to choose when they should take that step. But I can’t even see when I did. How am I supposed to tell others if they should?” It was part of the reason I agreed to date anypony, wasn’t it? Was I really just dating Derpy for research?

“Twilight?” Spike’s hands pressed on me until I moved by his guidance. “Why don’t you sit on this comfy chair hmm?”

“Yeah… I … yeah.” It was my comfiest chair, according to Derpy, and I really needed comfort at that point.

“Look, Twilight, I don’t think there’s an answer in a book on whether friends should date or not. It’s kind of a pony to pony thing. No pony knows if their relationships will work or not, not even love experts like me. Not every pony knows they’re in love when it happens but if it’s there then it’s there.” He grabbed me some tea and placed the cup in my magic.

“Maybe I should talk to Princess Cadence, she’s the princess of love and could tell me how I missed it. Or what to do now. How do I proceed in love? Maybe I should write a list…”

“I think you should talk to Derpy. Cadence might know about love but only you and Derpy will know what to do next. And that is the last advice I can give you on that before things get way too weird.” He patted my head like I was a foal and slowly backed away.

“I should talk to her. But she’s missing Spike! I shouldn’t be sitting here drinking tea in my comfy chair when she’s out there—”

The door to the castle opened up and an excited griffin burst in carrying a… shrubbery? It was a pile of branches and leaves in her claws that dragged on the floor. “Guess who’s baaaaack?!” she cried in triumph, holding the bush proudly.

“Derpy?! Is- is that you?!” I rushed to the limp lump of vegetation. It shifted slightly as I got close.

“Twilight?! What are you doing in this tree?” It was Derpy alright, but she seemed concussed. Or was that normal for her?

“It was a shrub, Derpy,” Gabby sighed as I pulled the fallen pony out of her claws with a little more force than I probably needed to. Love strength, I supposed.

Quickly I pulled the tattered branches covered knot apart, throwing the contents all over the foyer. It became a gray pony shape after a bit of work and the sad look of defeat graced its cute face. “I got stuck again…”

“It’s ok Derpy, you’re fine now. Well I have to do some scans to make sure but you’re here. You’re home.” I hugged the floating mare, releasing her from my magic into my forehooves as I did. “You’re safe now.”

“Thank you Twilight… and Gabby.” She buckled into my frame. “You’ve been so nice to me lately. Are you still sure this isn’t a dream?”

“Well I think that shrub hurt didn’t it?”

“Kind of…”

“Well dreams can’t hurt you so there’s your proof.” The logic seemed to make her happier, and huggier. I felt a claw poke my back and shivered. Spike always knew my ticklish spots.

“Maybe this would be a good time to tell her…” Spike whispered but with Derpy so close it may as well have been a shout.

“Tell me? Tell me what?” Derpy pulled back and looked up with pleading eyes. I felt it. The pang of love ran through my whole body even to the tops of my wings. Spike was right and it was deep.

“Uhhh... I uhhh.” I had never told a pony I loved them before. Only my family got that privilege and it was never this type of love. I could feel the words get lodged in my throat and my tongue glued itself to the roof of my mouth.

Derpy didn’t seem to notice my issues and waited patiently for me to speak. She looked so cute I wanted to tell her a million feelings that were going through me all at once but I couldn’t, because I didn’t know half of them myself.

“I think you should spend the night.” I said finally. Hopefully it would give me time to work up the nerve to tell her. I knew she would be delighted but still it felt awkward and weird. What would it mean for us? Would things change knowing we both love each other? Would she change? I wasn’t sure.

“Ok!” She shouted in delight. I rarely let her spend the night, not because it wasn’t nice having her close but I was afraid of encouraging her other interests. Should I reciprocate now? The thought of that made my head spin. It was too much, too fast.

“You ok?” Derpy pulled me out of my more embarrassing mental scenarios with a tender hoof touching my face.

“I should be asking you that!” I spat my face glowing red from the images I conjured myself. “Are you hurt?”

“No… just tired. Maybe I shouldn’t spend the night, I’ll just fall asleep too fast to be much fun.” She looked around like she said something to be ashamed of.

“It’s fine, I just want you close… I mean to uh make sure you’re safe.”

“Right. That’s ok. Bushes really wear you out though. I should probably go to bed now.” She gave me a kiss on the cheek and swayed down the hall. A quick magical scan said nothing was broken and no brain injuries. Well other than the one.

I quickly ran to her side and placed a helpful wing on her to steady her. She leaned her soft body into mine, her eyes straying from each other a little. It wasn’t long before I was tucking her into my bed.

“Sorry to worry you, Twilight, I wish I remembered to bring Nutzo with me… but I forgot. Is he ok?” She pulled the blanket up around her chin.

“I’m sure he’s fine, he’s primal at being left behind though.” I tucked the blanket neatly beneath her head. “You know… there was something important I wanted to talk to you about…”

I tried my best to look her in the eyes but I still felt awkward. Something didn’t feel right, like maybe the moment was wrong? I found myself staring at the wall instead and mustered up the courage to tell the truth. Truth can take a lot of courage.

“I love—” I couldn’t finish the sentence as I was interrupted by a loud snore. Derpy was asleep and the moment faded. I sighed and climbed into bed myself.

In that warm cocoon of safety, I found my mind wandering over all the scenarios that I could use to confess my feelings but all of them seemed trivial. Love confessions had to be romantic and a grand gesture. Just telling her flat out when she woke up or in the middle of getting ready for the day may seem like a nice easier way to do it but it would minimize the message. I needed to be bolder. For her.

Then a plan appeared in my mind. I would tell her during the family dinner I was having soon. Tell them all at the same time Derpy included. That way it would be both a grand gesture and a pragmatic one. The thought of Derpy’s happy face as I proudly declared my love for her in front of my family filled me with warmth. Falling asleep was much easier with a plan in mind. I snuggled into my love and drifted off.