written through the magic of voice to text
do you ever notice, Twilight asked Trixie how most super trampoline stories follow the pattern of having an opening involving breaking the fourth wall usually with me complaining about stuff and then the story proper?
Trixie, doing some sort of background action to indicate that she was not a talking head, with the specific nature of the action not being mentioned as is also a pattern in super trampoline stories, looked up from that action which was in fact crocheting, using the magic nature of hooves actually, not her horn surprisingly, well dearest Twilight, I have not been as many stories of super trampolines as you, or even my dearest mere friend starlight glimmer but in mentioning my dearest mere friend, I do hope we can make this a romance because good God do I love her and want to make out with her within the confines what's a word for confines that doesn't imply limit but more like within the boundaries what word am I looking for like takes place in I don't know it will come to me how about over the course of this story there we go over the course of this story I hope I can make out with starlight glimmer cuz good goddess do I love my girlfriend and or mere friend The show canonically uses both terms I think
Twilight went yuck and cringed. she too was crocheting also using her hose rather than magic why? because sending beside them was a third pony probably a earth pony but possibly a Pegasus or unicorn who was in the more advanced stages of teaching them basic crocheting using hooves and specifically magic hosts were like the crocheting needles I don't know the terminology like hook and crotchet or something again no clue oh wow that building get painted it looks nice. I'm driving I'm doing something I haven't done in a while which is right a story while driving using voice to text it's fun Don't worry I'm mostly looking at the road all slightly edit this later mostly I just looked down to make sure like the voice to text is still recording so I don't have like 300 words that didn't get recorded because that would be annoying Trixie is normally annoying but for reasons I'll get into in a moment she's actually pretty not annoying right now
anyway there was a third Tony with them and I'm going to ask the listeners I mean readers and my readers I mostly mean fan of most everything because he knows everything and is also a very nice lad but other knowledgeable pony enthusiast in general, are there any ponies who canonically like to crochet within the My Little pony universe? especially if they use their hooves and use magic hose where the crochet needles kind of just stick to their hooves rather than using magic for reasons I'll get to in a moment but I just want to take a moment and give a shout out to G3 for just unabashedly sorry not G3 G5 wrong odd number pony series anyway the shout out to G5 for just unabashedly embracing magic hooves rather than like kind of cheating and cutting away from stuff or just having earth ponies do everything with their mouth or tail etc like G1 I need to speed up because we are merging all right let's go through Old Town Tustin hey we're passing by where I was on the phone with a gay guy who really wanted to smash anyway that was like 4 years ago actually finally enough he just hit up his girl not his girlfriend sorry I'm using voice to text I'm going to leave that mistake in cuz it's funny he just hit up my girlfriend the other night because apparently he actually knew her from when she used to hang out at gay bars long long ago so we know each other separately and it turns out I learned last night she is who introduced him to the me first and the gimme gimmes cover album of Broadway tunes and then he showed me that and that's pretty funny small world anyway I love my girlfriend I met her through the brony fandom you'll see us together at babscon if you go you better go to babscon I know I keep missing conventions but good God I am not missing this one I will rob a liquor store if I have to just kidding I will not rob a liquor store if I have to I would probably just I don't know do the usual shoe string budget thing I like to do but seriously I'm excited to go to a pony convention again this April now where was I oh right so yeah Twilight and Trixie had been taught by this third pony who hopefully one of the readers of this fine story will tell me is an actual like earth pony or something who canonically in the show or in the comics or even just like in a background gag in the comics cuz the comics love those oh hey now I'm passing where I worked with key club in high school to remove some graffiti from an underpass on the edge of my fine town of Tustin which you have most likely read about most recently as having a giant fucking blimp hanger burn down like we're talking one to the largest wood instructions in the world but fortunately there are two of them so there's still one remaining and it's the better maintained one but yeah I should probably stop narrating about the real world or else the story won't be sufficiently pony enough so anyway this third mystery pony who I will edit in later kind of like a calculus substitution where you do the math using you and then you substitute in the more complicated thing for you later except in this case you won't be immaculous thing it will be the name of the pony who is crocheting master anyway she or maybe he but I mean let's face it we kind of have a gender disparity in this franchise he or she or maybe even non-binary since there are canonically non-binary creatures in the G5 universe shout out to the season 10 comics I need to read and that very fast zoomie pony from pony Africa not pony they're like some I really hope they're based on a traditional African myth I do like how pony incorporates so much mythology from the real world rather than just making up random stuff it's pretty cool oh yeah my girlfriend is powering through supernatural and the second episode has wendigos but they are very very different from the windows of the My Little pony because I don't think pony went to goes eat flesh of other ponies and then have crazy magic powers and have to be burned to death cuz in the show of course they're not even former ponies they're like some other force entirely I need to read that story which uses color coding text about when to goes I don't remember what it's called but like clover the clever like corrals and tames of Wendigo I think it was by Blue shift I if I remember one of those great pony authors who no longer ponies I wonder if blue shift still has that fanfiction house on his user page I assume he could be a woman but again gender disparity accepted the opposite direction as far as the fandom goes wow can you tell I'm off my ADHD meds actually probably not because I rampable both on and off them but that actually ties back to a plot point I'll get to shortly that I've been trying to get to did I ever turn on main have I made it to Maine yet no I'm still going here standard I don't think I passed Maine yet I better double check hold on
nope I'm good. I used to live on main in my music studio for 3 and 1/2 years it turns out people don't like if you do construction at 2:00 in the morning when they live above you I've been building a giant bed frame to store stuff for my girlfriend and I under it stop sign hello stop sign that's hard to see because of a food truck that's annoying anyway so this third pony had taught Twilight and Trixie the basics of hoof crocheting and Twilight and Trixie were still happily not still currently happily crocheting because starlight glimmer was in a very important meeting the nature of which I'll come up with later The point I want to get across wow that is a tiny convenience store I love all those tiny convenient stores you don't find them in more bougie areas but I'm in Santa Ana right now on my way to pick up something free from the freebie alerts app on my way to volunteer I mean it's a paid volunteer but whatever at the annual water lantern festival that rolls through town here we are we made it to me and I'm going to turn left here anyway starlight was in an important meeting for several hours in Twilight needed something to distract her because she was trying recently to be mindful about how often she was in on go go go mode and trying to rather also take time to decompress here and there throughout the day and throughout the week rather than just you know having a mental breakdown twice a month and Trixie being starlight's girlfriend was there as well let's say this is in canterlot I don't know important stuff going down in Canada lot but anyways starlight and Twilight we're sitting in a nice cafe alcove alcove is a great word isn't it Nice cafe alcove with a little fountain providing peaceful background noise Good God shout out to Cafe fountains am I right they're the best anyway Twilight and Trixie were cool here's McFadden which I'm turning on now That's so weird to be out and about during the day it's good though where was I oh yeah so they were crocheting Twilight for stress relief and Trixie was unsurprisingly high as a kite on meth but that meant she was able to go into a trance-like state with a crocheting and using the physical crocheting with her host rather than her horn as Twilight 2 for Twilight is kind of a grounding thing pulling her out of just habitually using her horn and making her focus on using her hooves to kind of just distract her and work other parts of her brain and whatnot oh shit was I supposed to turn Wait what hold on
All right item successfully picked up now on my way to the lantern festival anyway the point is Trixie as usual was on a bit much of that crystal blue persuasion and so was hyper focusing the fuck out of crocheting a scarf for her dearest starlight who she had now been dating for 3 years and actually was engaged to which is pretty fucking cool and what sort of scarf was she crocheting she was crocheting one of those / MLP 4chan scarves that you sometimes see people wear at pony conventions and starlight was going to look really adorable in it and when I upload this story onto fanfiction I'll make sure to find a picture or two of starlight being adorable in a scarf and I'll see if I can find one in the slash MLB scarf probably will be able to because the brownies love their memes and stuff
say yeah Twilight was crocheting a tea kettle cozy because she loves tea because it calms her down because a lot of neurotypical people are actually calm down by caffeine rather than amped up sorry I meant neurodivergence Twilight sparkle is very clearly not neurotypical I mean who is these days in this economy? I don't know, rainbow dash is pretty neurotypical Fluttershy I don't know if she's so shy that you would consider her not know a typical you could say she is autistic with a special interest in animals I want to resist the temptation to just label every quirky person as autistic especially given that she actually is a functioning pony being probably is not autistic she's just a capitalist who hasn't actually sold her soul unlike most capitalists pinkie pie obviously is not neurotypical she's spastic as fuck Jesus Christ I mean yeah they could just be the massive amounts of cocaine she does but I don't know man I'd say she has ADHD and autism which is sometimes called audi HD but I doubt me saying that with the voice to text successfully carried over lol no she is not a car high definition company anyway Applejack is by far the most neurotypical of all the main six I mean Spike is pretty lol there's a kicking crab coming to this old Victorian or eduardian house in downtown Santa Ana and while look at this all the new buildings they look snazzy good for them now if only they would ever actually build that tall ass building they were going to build off Broadway help Twilight stay calm because these were in intense high stakes negotiations that starlight was doing and Twilight was having starlight practice doing her own shit without Twilight hovering over her shoulder because starlight was still being mentored by Twilight starlight speaking of also definitely is neurodivergent specifically I like that they kind of code her as being a sociopath who wants to do well actually wants to do good in this case would actually apply because she wants to do good stuff you know she doesn't want to be evil and tricks you will trick she's trans I don't know does being trans make you nerdivision I'm not really sure but the point is Twilight was studying her nerves as starlight negotiated on some heavy shit I don't know what exactly it's not really pertinent to this story about crocheting and Trixie was lost in the sauce hyper focusing on crocheting while on meth and honestly it is really helping pass the time and pretty enjoyable oh good that person does not trying to turn left that would have been a lost cause on their part and Trixie having finished a row of her scarf looked up and replied to Twilight well actually I think Trixie was the last one to talk but anyway Trixie said hey Twilight it's kind of weird that we're crocheting together never thought that happened in Twilight was like well you know crocheting and politics make for strange bedfellows but you and I both love starlight very much I'll be at in very different ways and then Trixie to inject a bit of humor into this story was like not so different ways after that last Grand Galvin gala am I right a nudge nudge All right I just successfully Shazam the song someone was playing out their window not super loudly but just loudly enough I was able to pick it up cuz it sounded like some good hip hop and here is the song: Real Mutha Phukkin G'z
anyway Twilight was like Trixie shut the fuck up and Trixie was like nah man every time you get drunk and sleep with us in a threesome you know by law I have to incessantly remind you about it for several months twilight's like yeah no I get it man for real I ain't too pressed All right is there an on-ramp here or do I need to go over let's check okay yeah no I need to turn onto main place drive Man I miss biking in the Santa Ana River trail you ever think about how people get mad about motorized bikes but motorized bikes are a important in between on bikes and full size cars and motorcycles and stuff as far as size and speed and whatnot People with cars hate things that aren't cars All right is this where I turn left that's that's what drive only I don't want to turn left onto Edgewood drive the park here we go here's the left turn for this giant freeway the five freeway specifically I'm getting onto oh wow this left turn is in the middle of it that's so hardcore it's going to wrap around or some shit All right 5 North here we come anyway Twilight was like no for sure you know how like I have neurotic breakdowns twice a month and like this crocheting with you is supposed to help with that well occasionally getting eaten out by you and starlight for 2 hours also helps with that game recognized game also Trixie as much as I hate to admit it and good God do I hate to admit it you are very good at dicking down ponies
Trixie replied damn right I am as the most prominent transmitter who is both the top and a bottom AKA a verse or switch in the series I have to carry the flagship of doing good dicking and that includes not just my amazing soon to be wife starlight glimmer but also my amazing long time frenemy, you, dear Twilight sparkle Twilight just grumbled and rolled her eyes and took another sip of her macchiato whatever the fuck amashiato is what sort of Italian bullshit is that I think it's Italian it sounds Italian or whatever the pony pun is probably just putting a b in front of it to make a bit pun but there's probably some better jokes deeper varied in the vernacular of English language horse puns I could come up with but you know I'm driving on the 5 freeway finally made it to the freeway And this story is probably a thousand words long so at this point starlight Surprise both ponies plus the third unnamed pony who very pointedly had earbuds in so she didn't have to listen to Trixie going to graphic detail about drunken sex with the ruler of Equestria anyway starlight did not send a text to her lover and mentor saying that she finally was out of negotiations but rather surprised them by popping up in the shop wearing a beanie that her lover had knitted on a previous meeting of the most exclusive crocheting club in canterlot. Twilight Saw starlight an exclaimed starlight, how'd it go?! And Trixie exclaimed starlight! My beloved is back! And starlight was like Trixie, Twilight! negotiations went great! The tri Nation bailfire bomb reduction act treaty has been hammered out and just needs to be ratified by the respective zebra, pony, and hippogriff legislature bodies and we'll make sure to avoid a fallout equestria situation for this foreseeable future. did you girls enjoy knitting? I mean crocheting sorry? And Trixie and Twilight swept up starlight in a hug and for a moment, all was right with the world.
And it was precisely then that the changelings attacked lol just kidding
I hope you enjoyed this little diversion, and please, practice love hope joy and kindness and don't forget to drink plenty of water which I'm going to do now having successfully narrated this story while driving. Good night and good luck everybody. I love you.
Author's Note
a few more cute starlights in scarves. surprisingly, none of the /MLP/ 4chan cup ones tho.
she so smol
