Midnight

What a miserable day.

After the confrontation with Midnight, all I could think about was how to make things right. How to apologize enough for my fuckup. I have yet to come up with any idea in that regard.

Part of the problem is I don't know what she's most upset about. Should I have declined her wish to try karaoke? Does the video bother her? Does she feel like I am trying to hide it all from her?

... it's probably a combination of all the points put forth. Why try to split hairs at this point?

I have told myself that repeatedly, as well as reiterating that there was nothing to be done at this point in time.

That has not helped.

Yet now, both Midnight and I sit at the kitchen island, across from one another as we finish eating dinner. Beef stroganoff Hamburger Helper.

"Well, what did you think of that one?"

Midnight mulls her answer while finishing up the last few bites on her plate. "Not bad. I wouldn't say it is a favorite of mine, but I don't dislike it," she finally responds.

There is a sense of relief that she doesn't seem to be actively holding earlier events against me too harshly. However, a legitimate discussion has been difficult to muster with that pall hanging over our heads, whether we want to acknowledge it or not.

She is clearly feeling better in a physical sense though - especially considering she has an appetite.

"So... should we confront the elephant in the room now?" I finally suggest.

"Personally, I didn't think you were that fat, but if that's how you feel..."

Midnight trails off with nothing else but a smarmy grin to offer, fangs and all.

"Well, that's better than wanting to tear me limb from limb."

"I'm still not happy with you, John - I will admit to that," she says, returning to a more serious demeanor. "It's pretty damn insulting to find out someone you trust took advantage of the situation at hand for a few laughs."

"I didn't... that wasn't what I had in mind at the time. But that doesn't make it any better," I admit, slumping my shoulders. "I don't know - I don't really have an excuse, Middie. I felt a bit insulted that you mentioned I sing in the shower in front of everyone there, so I guess that was retribution in my mind. Just a video between me and you."

"Wait, what song was it?" she asks cautiously.

"The ABBA song."

"Oh for fuck's sake - why that one?!" she exclaims.

"The bartender picked it out - hoping to help our 'strained relationship.'"

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Midnight, I'm not making any jokes about this situation or what happened. I swear on it. But I think she just wanted free entertainment for the night. I'm not sure."

She groans in response. "I really don't get society. Are pony and person relationships more common than I was led to believe?"

"Teddy is the only one I know of - believe me, I was surprised by that bullshit she fed to me. But again, I think it was for her own perverted pleasure."

Midnight doesn't seem particularly thrilled with my response but has no rebuttal to offer.

"So, should we watch it now, or later?"

"Now - either the laptop or the TV," she replies. "Just get this over with. I suppose I have a sort of macabre interest in this, to see how much of an ass I made of myself."

Midnight turns and slides out of her seat, trotting over to the couch and opening up the laptop on the coffee table.

Meanwhile, I fetch the empty dishes on the counter and place them in the sink, giving them a passive rinse. Circling around and heading to the couch, I take my normal seat, right beside Midnight.

It takes a few moments after hooking up my phone to download the video onto the laptop because it's such a massive file - thanks to my stupidity.

That little wait is a tense affair, even with Midnight's surprisingly mellow attitude tonight.

I would ask why she's not so upset as earlier, but I don't feel like tickling the dragon's tail would be a smart move. I should just be thankful she's not harboring a grudge.

However, the migraine and general unwellness she felt earlier having now dissipated would be my guess on her shift in attitude.

"So, why is this such a big video, and what were you trying to do with it?" Midnight inquires toward the end of the transfer.

"It kept running after you took a tumble and I got us out of there and headed home. I just quickly picked up my phone off the table - I never thought to stop it. So it ran until around 6 this morning."

"That was intelligent."

"My focus was on your well-being, you ass," I shoot back without a thought.

Midnight is taken aback by my shot across her bow, eyes widening just a bit. She hesitates for a moment before offering any sort of response.

"Touche," she finally comments, relaxing as her vision returns to the laptop's screen.

Man, Midnight is getting harder and harder to read as her edges have smoothed out. I never really know what I'm going to get in terms of attitude. I suppose that is a step up from total hostility.

It just makes for some unsettling moments - especially when I blurt out the first thing that comes to mind.

"Now, before I start this, will you promise me one thing?"

Midnight gives me a look of pure skepticism but stays silent once again.

"Warn me before you hit me."

She scoffs. "If I get that mad, I'm just going outside for a while."

"Fair enough. You just want to watch it on the laptop?"

I catch sight of a cable snaking its way along the floor toward the coffee table, before arching up and plugging into the side of the computer.

"If you're going to leave HDMI cables laying out, you could at least use them once in a while," she sasses.

"I forget about that thing."

"Except when you trip over it."

Grabbing the remote and flipping on the power, the TV screen lights up, and I begin cycling through the inputs.

"Any idea which input it is?"

"The one with the laptop screen on it."

"Very helpful, thank you."

"Always happy to lend a hoof, stupid."

I turn to her, unable to leave this alone any longer.

"You're in a chipper mood tonight despite this potentially upsetting media - you were pretty angry earlier. What changed, Middie?"

She looks a little uncomfortable with the question, averting her eyes from me.

"I don't really know... I guess I just sort of decided it wasn't worth brooding over?"

"Are you telling me, or asking me?"

"I - just be thankful," she replies curtly, her wings ruffling with discomfort.

"I am. It's just been a surprise," I remark, patting her back. Rather than jump just a bit like normal, she sort of leans back into the motion.

"So, you ready then?"

"I suppose. I swear if you share this with anyone else-"

"Who the hell am I going to share it with?"

Midnight doesn't respond, merely motioning with her hoof to get this rolling.

Reaching over to the touchpad, I move the cursor over to the file and open the video.

It starts playing right away, picking up just as the tempo picks up at the beginning.

Next to me, Midnight cringes at her drunken swaying form on the screen.

"Relax. It gets better."

"What the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

"You're a pretty damn good singer if I'm to be completely honest with you."

Midnight has nothing to say to that comment, though her slumping form and her ears laying flat against her head says all I need. Again, I reach over and pat her for reassurance, just as she starts to sing on the video.

'And I'm possessive, it isn't nice!'

A few whoops caught by the phone in the background get a groan from Midnight.

At this point, I feel it's best to just leave her alone. Meaning I can just enjoy the show.

And what a show it is. She does as well as I remember, both with the moves as well as the voice.

Once again, it gets a rise out of me...

Thank god for pillows.

Midnight takes notice of my quick pillow snatch.

"Seriously?" she asks, unenthused.

"Hey, I can't help it. You were sort of being a tease."

She rolls her eyes but has no rebuttal.

As it goes on, I note how Midnight herself seems somewhat captivated by the performance. She doesn't glance over at me anymore, merely soaking in the sights and sounds from the camera lens of a phone.

Is she...

Midnight is mouthing the words as it goes on. It's very subtle, but there's no denying she remembers the words.

At least she doesn't seem so embarrassed anymore. But of course, the time comes when Midnight takes her spill off of the stage.

I have to grimace with empathy as I watch the tumble again.

"I guess that's why my chin hurt a bit today," Midnight muses.

"Yeah, I'm sorry I let you get that carried away. You don't remember any of it?"

"Maybe a little bit now," she admits quietly. "That was... something, wasn't it?"

"As I said, I was impressed."

"And apparently turned on, pervert."

"I wasn't the one swinging my derriere around, Middie. I can't help that."

She fidgets nervously at that, her eyes returning to the black TV screen after I've jammed the phone into my pocket.

"That's it though. My dumb ass just never turned off the phone, so it just kept recording."

'What?'

'Was this a date?'

I go to stop the video - well, audio, but Midnight slaps my hand away with a hoof.

'No, I told you it wasn't.'

"Midnight, this is just drunken rambling now, this was what I wanted to delete."

"I want to hear it."

It's my turn to feel uncomfortable, but I sit there and deal with it as the conversation goes on awkwardly.

'Starla said something about how I act. Like being around you triggers incest.'

'You wanna try that one again?'

'Insects - no, instincts!'

'Midnight, you're still drunk, whether you want to admit it or not.'

The aforementioned mare sits next to me in the present, staring down at the coffee table and focusing on the words.

'I know. But maybe she's right. Maybe I didn't realize it, but that song felt good to sing. It felt right.'

Hearing this the second time, I now notice the wistful desire in her voice.

Midnight does as well, as she slumps just a bit more in shame.

'Why don't we go home, sleep this shit off, and see what tomorrow brings, yeah?'

The drop of that line instantly draws Midnight's eyes over to me.

"What?" I ask, unsure of her thoughts.

"You didn't... you just ended it there?" she asks, sounding lost and confused.

"Well yeah. What the fuck was I supposed to do, turn on the charm and take advantage of your compromised position?"

"But right there was... that's what you wanted, isn't it?"

"You really think my goal was getting you in bed for happy fun time? I respect you way more than that, Midnight," I sternly tell her.

She doesn't say anything, her attention going back to the laptop. Without a word, she starts skipping around through the rest of the time bar.

"Middie, that's it. It's just us coming home and going to sleep."

'This couch is more comfortable than I remember.'

Midnight's drunken and fatigued voice on the video stops me or her from saying anything else.

'That's because you're sleeping in my bed. You need it with as awful as you're probably going to feel tomorrow.'

'It smells... nice,' her voice coos, inhaling deeply.

I spy Midnight turning to look away just as I do from hearing that awkward comment.

"I told you that it was just drunken rambling, Middie..."

"Yeah..."

'Where are you going?'

'Sleeping on the couch.'

'But this is your bed. You don't want to sleep here...?'

'Get some sleep, Middie. I'll be fine on the couch.'

'Okay...'

The door can be heard closing, then a brief bit of light as the phone gets taken from my pocket, then sat on the coffee table.

'That mare is gonna be the death of me if she gets drunk and tries that again. Holy Jesus.'

With that line, the video abruptly halts under Midnight's control, who turns away again and stares into the kitchen.

"Midnight, I wasn't trying to embarrass you. I'm sorry for taking that video."

Nothing.

"You see why I wanted to cut it down now? Alcohol makes people do and say off-the-wall shit."

"No."

It's a firm command... but one I don't understand.

"John, I'm smart - but there are things I still don't understand," she says after a brief moment of silence.

"Well... Midnight, no one knows everything," I console her, albeit cautiously and more than a little perplexed.

"I know that."

"Alright..."

Silence. Neither of us move.

"Is there something you want me to do?"

She rises up from her seat, dropping down to the floor and ambling away.

"Midnight?"

"I'm going to go outside for a bit," she laments as the door to the shop floor opens.

"You sure you're okay?"

I'm left helpless to watch as she slips out the door in the kitchen, the latch barely making a sound behind her as the door eases shut.

Fuck...

I don't really know what she's thinking, and it makes me uneasy. I should have just deleted the damn video - there is no reason for it to exist.

Hell, I should have never recorded the fucking thing.

Now... Well, now what?

What is she trying to understand? What is she thinking now?

As much as I hate to face the music, I will have to wait to get the answer from her.

Man, I've really fucked this whole thing up.

Hopefully, it's not a permanent fuckup.

I awaken to an awful cramp in my back. It takes a moment before I realize I fell asleep on the couch in an awkward position.

Smooth move.

Arching my back to get the muscles stretched out, I jump as the moonlight filtering in through the window illuminates Midnight's form sitting just a couple of feet away on the floor.

"What the fuck?"

The exclamation brings just a bit more light into the living room as Midnight's luminescent eyes creep open to focus upon me.

"You're in my spot," she comments in a quiet and numb tone.

"So you just decided to sit there and watch me sleep like some sort of weirdo?"

"Shut up," she replies with a stab of gruffness, turning her nose up at the accusation. "Why are you sleeping on the couch, anyway?"

I take a moment to sit up and gain my bearings before answering.

Actually, why am I sleeping on the couch?

I remember watching Midnight leave - feeling nervous and uncomfortable about the whole situation...

And then I just fell asleep?

I guess it was a long day...

"I just drifted off, I guess. Waiting for you to come back and... well, here I am now."

"What, you didn't think I was going to return?"

"Not necessarily - I was just worried. You left pretty abruptly and without an explanation."

Midnight brushes past me to take a seat on the couch.

"Was there something I was supposed to say before excusing myself?"

I have to just shrug, not having a response to that question.

"I needed time to digest... all of that."

"I'll say it again - I'm sorry I recorded you. I wasn't trying to be an asshole, I just... well, I don't know what I was trying to accomplish."

"I would say I'm mad at you for that, but... I'm really not bothered by it, John. Obviously, I was at first, but I sort of got over that."

...

"Isn't that why you went out, because you were miffed at me?"

In the light of the moon, I can see Midnight shake her head.

"So... where do we stand? On all of this? Because I'm shit at reading the situation."

"I don't know," she says hesitantly.

"Then where is your mindset on all of this? Obviously... well, there's nothing obvious here, other than something is on your mind."

"I'm trying to understand... things. In a way, I'm kinda glad you took the video because I see you aren't trying to take advantage or force something... between us."

She fidgets a bit with the uncertainty of those last words.

"I told you that I wasn't gonna try anything funny after our discussion regarding how I felt about you."

"There were still doubts in the back of my mind," she sighs rather forlornly. "It's not so much a lack of trust specifically toward you, it's just a result of everything I've been through."

"I get that."

With my agreement, the room falls silent. The clock ticking away on the wall is the only sound that reaches my ears.

"I was very drunk, John."

The statement sounds more like an attempt to convince herself than to reiterate the situation to me again.

"I carried you to the truck. I know you were absolutely shit-faced. Don't worry about what happened."

"I'm not worried about it. But I can't pretend it didn't happen, and there were things that I said when I was drunk."

"Most everyone starts saying dumb shit when they get alcohol in em. Been there, done that myself."

"Have you ever had a moment of clarity while drunk?"

"I... not that I remember. But I'm not sure I understand what you mean, Middie."

Once again, Midnight squirms in her seat.

"I mean I don't remember everything that happened after our food arrived, but watching that video, listening to my dumb ass sing and skip around, and then the short discussion in the truck... I can't just say that was nothing. I can't sit here and deny that everything was just the result of a drink. Because I don't think it was."

I wait patiently for my friend to collect her thoughts, trying not to draw early conclusions.

"John, you are someone I feel attached to, that much is obvious. I've not had any friends that I remember, so this has all been new to me. Understanding connections. Trust. It's still something that I find somewhat foreign. My mind wants to put everything into a concise and understandable form - and I just get angry and irritated when I can't do that."

She suddenly lets out a chuckle, an odd mixture of light-hearted and bitter tones.

"And then that song. That goddamn song I've heard you sing on multiple occasions in the shower - because apparently, you think I'm deaf."

"Hey, you could have told me any time that you heard me and I would have been embarrassed enough to stop then and there," I correct her.

Even in the dim room, I can see the smirk that's formed on Midnight's face.

"I found it amusing, to be honest. Such an odd song for you - a man - to be singing. A single man, might I add."

"Is there a point to this, or are you just trying to make me want to crawl under a rock and never come out again?"

"Stop being a fucking baby. Yes, I have a point," she curtly replies, letting some of her normal attitude slip in.

"Then what?"

She stares at me for a moment without a word.

"I was very drunk that night, John. But I can't lie that hearing that song, me singing it, and what I said in the truck... there must be some truth to it. As much as I try laughing off the notion that I could ever consider a... thing - between us, that Starla could be right about how and why I act around you... I don't know."

I just have to stare back at her incredulously while my mind tries to wrap itself around her explanation.

Is she serious? Is this just a joke to get back at me?

It doesn't seem like it...

"Will you fucking say something?" she pleads quietly, clearly feeling the pressure of the silence in the room now.

"I... don't really know what to say, Midnight. What should I say about that?"

"I don't know... I figured - well, I don't know what I expected. But silence wasn't it."

"This is just all from reliving the video?"

"It's... mostly that," she hesitantly replies.
"What's the other part?"

"...I don't really know."

"Alright."

We both sit here on the worn couch, waiting for the other to speak up. The timepiece on the wall continues to tick the seconds away.

"So, with all of this out there... what does it mean? With us, I mean?"

Midnight takes a deep breath, holding it for a spell.

"It means as weird as I still think it may be, there might be something to look into. Between us," she says in a quick exhale.

"Are you fucking with me right now?" I ask, unable to help to be a bit skeptical.

"What? Fuck no, why would I be screwing around about this?! You think that was easy for me to say?!"

Midnight's voice abruptly reveals how flustered she really is underneath, if her ears pinned back against her head weren't already a decent indicator.

It took a lot for her to say that.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just - well, it's surprising to hear," you reassure her. "I really am just at a loss for words."

"Alright."

She doesn't sound particularly convinced or is still just feeling the stress of spilling her guts to me.

It's hard to tell. Still, she really needs a bit more than words...

Ever so slowly, I reach around her back with my right arm and gently pull her a bit closer to me.

"You're fine, Midnight. Remember, we're both kind of in an awkward position. So pardon me for being a little quiet."

"Okay."

It's another short answer, but I can tell there is a hint of relief.

Hell, she already knew how I felt. Was she seriously this worked up about how I would react?

"...you aren't going to try to kiss me or anything like that, are you?"

I pause before answering that.

"Not unless you want me to. In my mind, I'm playing to your limits, if you're serious about actually... well, working toward what Teddy and Starla have."

"A relationship."

"You said it, not me."

The rebuttal garners a snort from Midnight as she leans in and bumps me with her shoulder.

"How did we go from hating each other to even considering this?"

"To be fair, I never hated you."

"Alright - barely tolerating each other's presence. How about that, smartass?"

"The phrasing doesn't really matter - I still don't have an answer for you."

"You're just being a jackass now."

"Remember what you told me the night after Starla and Teddy's visit? 'Be John.' So I'm living up to that promise."

"Uh-huh. And what if I choose to 'be Midnight'?" she challenges in a teasing manner. "What if I make you work for this despite what I've said tonight?"

"I wouldn't have it any other way and you know it, Middie. Keep those fangs."

The air in the room feels so much lighter than it did when I woke up.

Physically, nothing has changed. But I feel like I've fallen into a new reality.

One that I relish exploring... at Midnight's pace, of course.

"You know, as much as I'd love to just stay up and chat, we probably should get some sleep. Or at least I should. But you gotta work tomorrow, too."

"Good, because laying in bed all day was really boring," Midnight comments.

So today wasn't fun for either of us.

With that, I slowly get up off the couch and shuffle off toward bed.

"Where are you going?"

I turn to look at Midnight, who sits expectantly at attention.

"My bed? I fell asleep by accident on the couch, and my back isn't very happy about it."

"Yeah, your bed is more comfortable..."

I narrow my eyes at her, knowing she can see the face I'm making in the dark.

"Are you agreeing with me, or hinting at something else?"

"Shut up," she says defiantly, turning her head away from me. "I'm just saying your bed is better than the couch."

Really?

"...did you want to sleep in bed with me?"

"That just sounds weird."

"Would you like to sleep on the same bed as me, as friends with space in between and no funny business?"

"...I guess I could do that," she replies after a moment of hesitance. Despite the act, she's all too eager to drop back to the floor and plod to my side.

"You really are going to be a pain in the ass, aren't you?" I joke.

"You want me to be me, don't you?"

"Can I take back what I said?"

"Nope."

"Well, that's bullshit."

"Enough with the bickering - I thought you said you needed your beauty sleep?"

"I said I needed to get some sleep. That isn't going to help me look any better."

I watch Midnight's eyes scan me up and down for a moment in the darkness before disappearing as she turns and heads into my room.

"Eh, I've seen worse," she says quietly.