Midnight

The blank screen of my laptop suddenly flashes into color, showing a quaint room whose walls are splashed in a rich burgundy hue. Wood paneling decorates the lower half of the wall, at least as far as I can see. But front and center, a familiar creamy-white unicorn with an eager and welcoming smile is the real focus.

"Hi Midnight!" Starla cheerfully greets me, waving a hoof.

It's the first time I've seen her since our initial meeting. Too long, I have to admit.

It was John's idea with Teddy's help to get Starla and I connected via video chat on the computer. I didn't know such a thing was possible.

I will admit I was initially a bit aversive to the idea.

Why?

...I don't really have a reason. Nerves, maybe.

Starla was certainly helpful in sorting out some of my feelings regarding how I approach the world and John. All that despite my rather shit attitude toward her. Now, I have to say it is nice to have someone to relate to.

"Hi, Starla. Been a little while, huh?"

Starla nods her head, her gold and orange braid bobbing off of her right side.

"Too long! I've been asking Teddy about you, wondering how you are," she replies with an exuberance that is much more than I'm used to experiencing. " But you look like you're doing well - and I see you have your hair braided again!"

"Yeah, I did it a day or two ago," I reply, flipping it with a quick motion of my head.

"Any special occasion?"

"No, just kinda... wanted to change it up a bit, you know?"

"I'm happy to hear you're trying different styles. What does John think of it?"

It seems like an innocent enough question... But at the same time, it feels like she's looking at a deeper meaning.

"He doesn't get a say in it, I do what I want."

Starla snorts at the sharp remark. "Of course - it was more of curiosity than anything. Don't take it to heart," she says. "But what's going on with you?"

"Not too much. We finally got the junkyard squared away and everything set up to switch to online and part pickup only. So that's a relief."

"I know that was your goal, so that's great to hear. But how is it a relief?"

"Well, it means roaming free for me during the days and actually working, rather than sitting around and sharing stares with John for eight hours," I calmly explain. "I don't like sitting idle, and there is something..."

I pause for a moment, trying to think while Starla sits patiently.

"I sort of miss spending time out there, I suppose. It was the first place that felt like home to me. I knew certain areas and little paths through piles of scrap like the back of my hoof."

"Was it because you actually liked it out there, or you finally felt like you had control over your life?"

I give the question some thought - though the reason is painfully obvious.

"The latter."

"But you really do enjoy working on that kind of stuff, huh? I know Teddy enjoys it too. I suppose his passion lies with all things mechanical."

"Yeah, there's a comfort in being around cars. I'm trying to convince John to adopt a project car for us to work on, now that we will likely have more free time with the shift in the business."

While she has been excited just to hear from me, Starla seems to abruptly perk up even more upon hearing my idea.

"Oh, that would be really nice for you two! Something to bond over!" she cheerfully replies.

"Yeah, maybe..."

As I watch Starla's enthusiasm fade away, I realize I should have been a bit more assertive in my response.

"Something on your mind?" she asks. "I would have at least expected a snappy response out of that comment."

"No, I just... I'm sort of agreeing with you."

"Oh," Starla replies, sounding quite dumbfounded for a moment. "Wait, really?"

"It is more about the car though," I affirm as I suddenly feel a bit vulnerable.

She doesn't need to know what's going on - even if she did sort of set me on this path...

"It sounds like things between you and John are going really well. Teddy told me about the little excursion you two had a few weeks ago."

"Nothing happened!" I blurt out instinctively.

Dumbass. That sounded desperate.

The outburst certainly gets a brow raise from my friend on the other side of the screen.

"I... didn't say anything happened, Midnight. But with that much enthusiasm behind that - what's really going on with you two?"

Is her knowing about me and John possibly looking into a thing between us really a big deal? Who is she gonna tell aside from Teddy?

Again, I already know my hangups without someone else explaining it.

Vulnerability. It's an awful feeling. But does it have to be?

I'm sure at some point, John is going to blab about it to Teddy. Why not be in control here?

"It's... complicated, Starla," I start hesitantly, keeping my eyes directed on anything but her. "I guess I sort of... I said things. And I didn't really know what I said at the time. But later, when I heard what I had said - things made a bit more sense to me."

"...what?"

I sigh.

"John and I are... finding more enjoyment in each other's company lately."

"You're dating?!"

"No, that's not-"

Starla lets out a giggle of excitement, clapping her front hooves together. "Midnight, that's great!" she cheers in a bubbly voice, hardly able to contain herself. "Why are you acting so ashamed?"

"It's kinda embarrassing, Starla," I admit, cowering down in my seat.

She cocks her head at that, eyeing me expectantly and a sly grin.

"Why? Because big tough mares can't have a heart?" she says in a playfully gruff voice.

"It feels weird. I don't feel like I'm... me."

That utterance causes Starla to drop her silly act, leaning closer to the screen. The abrupt shift in attention unnerves me as my ears fold flat against my head.

"Who are you?"

Huh?

"What kind of a question is that? Have you lost your marbles?"

"Midnight, are you really the iron-hearted and bitter mare you try to come off as?"

"You think I'm just an act?"

"I think you did what you had to do in order to deal with everything you've been through. I didn't have it anywhere near as hard as you did, and I still have nightmares from time to time being back where I came from - without Teddy. So I really can't imagine the hell you experienced. But you're out of there now."

...

"I don't follow."

"You say that experiencing a relationship feels weird like you aren't you - what exactly do you mean by that?"

"I'm just not used to being open with someone else. Being more... close with someone? That isn't me."

Starla frowns a bit at that response. "What if that is the real you - and you've just buried it for so long, you've forgotten?"

"To my knowledge, I've never been close to anyone," I bitterly comment.

"Exactly. I'm not suggesting you completely reinvent yourself - but stray out of your comfort zone, Midnight. By the sounds of it, you do kind of like this closeness, even though it feels strange."

"It is quite a foreign sensation having someone else play with your hair or hug you..."

"See? And I figured you did your hair up for John," she answers back with a rather mischievous giggle and accompanying grin.

"Shut up - I did my hair, not him. And I like keeping it out of the way when I work, too."

"I'm just teasing. Really, it looks good," she compliments. "Though I might be a bit partial to braids."

Starla bats at her own braid with a hoof in demonstration.

"But, maybe I should change it up a bit" she continues, putting a hoof to her chin. "Of course, I'll need Teddy's help to do that, but he enjoys it."

"Glad I can do it on my own, to be honest with you. I don't know if I would trust John's styling abilities."

"No?"

"I've already been a guinea pig once in my life - I don't want to do it again."

"You might be surprised what John could do. It took Teddy a few tries to get my hair right - though I didn't have the heart to tell him it was anything other than perfect."

"Not to be an ass, but you don't seem like the kind to worry about perfection."

"No, I'm not - merely making a point I was thankful for what he could do. We enjoy each other's company - it's really the thought that counts."

"I think I understand that a bit more now," I reply, unable to prevent a chuckle from escaping. "John has been trying some recipes he found online, and his cooking skills aren't exactly great... there was an instance where it was pretty awful. I don't know what it was supposed to taste like or what it started out as. But he did find a good chicken recipe."

"Well, I can't say I was a natural when it came to cooking or baking either. Not at first," Starla replies with a laugh.

That reminds me...

"I understand that you can't do your hair - but how do you do other stuff? Like cooking?"

"In a way, I suppose I am just a teensy bit envious of your *ahem* 'magic.' But I have a few tools Teddy has made. And may I ask, how do you pick up items that aren't magnetic?"

Of course.

"... really? You just grab and use utensils and other tools with your mouth?"

"Sure. At least, that's one of the ways. Obviously, you get better at manipulating things the more you do it. If you don't mind me bragging, I have to say I'm pretty handy in the kitchen. But it's because I enjoy it so much that I have gotten a knack for it."

"You aren't as stupid as I thought you were."

Whoops.

Starla is taken aback by my offhanded comment, grimacing and recoiling from the screen just a bit.

"Sorry, sorry!" I frantically backtrack, waving my hooves in desperation. "I meant that you're smarter than I gave you credit for, being a real pony and whatnot. The few I remember being around... I was probably being judgmental then, too. Again, I didn't mean that."

"You're okay, Midnight. Apology accepted," she says, breaking into a smile and nodding in reassurance.

I sigh with relief. "I need to work on my social graces."

"You've improved just since the first day we met - but it takes time. Maybe sometime, we should all get together for a day out. Or a night out - whatever works. Like a double date."

"Oh stop - you're sounding like John now," I joke.

"He sounds like he's full of good ideas."

"He's full of something, alright."

Laughter rings out from the speakers of the laptop, before getting cut short by a buzzer in the background. Starla instantly perks up, her ears swiveling in response to the stimulus.

"Oh, I forgot I had a pie in the oven - apple cinnamon, a new recipe I found," she explains, letting excitement creep into her voice as she slips out of her chair and onto all four hooves. "Sorry to cut this short Midnight - we should do this again soon!"

"You bet. Thanks, Starla. Take care."

"You too - buh bye for now!"

Waving a hoof in response to her wave - the video feed goes to black as the chat disconnects.

As I close my laptop, I can hear footsteps trudging up the stairs on the other side of the door out in the kitchen. Slowly, the door cracks open as I turn my head to look.

John pokes his head in, scanning around tepidly before focusing on me.

"It's not that big of a deal, you know," I tell him.

It gets a smirk out of him before the door swings open, his right arm cradling a bag of groceries.

"Yeah well, I figured I shouldn't listen in on girl talk. You two giggling about boys and stuff?"

"Oh, shut up. I'd chuck something at you if you weren't holding food."

"I find it surprising that you would be that reserved," he answers with a laugh, setting down the brown bags on the counter and opening the fridge door. "But you know I'm kidding - I did want to give you privacy. And I'm glad that you decided to reach out to Starla."

"Yeah, she's got more advice and helpful ideas than I thought when I first met her."

"Oh? What is the new one for today?"

"...Eh, maybe it's better to keep some stuff to myself."