Author's Note
This is a part of the Jest Days of Christmas, where I update something every single day of December. Go check out the link for the full list and check back everyday for a new update!
Fat Fred's
“For the one true princess of Equestria!” Shouted some nutjob cultist adorned with the usual dark robes and a comically nasty-looking knife.
As usual, the simpleton tried to ram the thing into my belly, which was covered in scales meant to keep out lava. Those same scales had evolved for the purpose of defending me from the claws of another dragon. Claws that were capable of slicing through solid stone like it was mud and that could also cut the strongest of gems.
As usual, the knife broke, and for a moment the unicorn looked down at me in confusion, as if he expected his silly attack to work. Thankfully that didn't happen, and I gave him an apologetic shrug before breathing deeply, filling my lungs with super heated oxygen. A quick exhale directly into his face melted his eyes, burnt all the hair from his nose to his shoulders, and quickly rendered him unconscious.
The shock would likely kill him if I didn't boil his brain in the process, or at least that's what I thought before his clothes lit up. The first thing to hit me was the smell, which was awful let me tell you, but I had grown used to it due to experience. Thus I quickly ignored the scent of burnt meat and moved on to the next cultist standing in my way. He had at least a little more sense to him, as he lit his horn, and began to cast a spell of some kind.
I never found out what the spell was though, as I had quickly scrambled over the corpse of his buddy before launching myself at him, claws raised. Claws that, may I remind you, were meant to carve out stone sliced through flesh with such ease that I barely felt the swipe. Unfortunately for me, I had only managed to remove a chunk of his cheek and a good quarter of his face.
Thankfully the guy quickly began to freak out and scream rather than keep trying to attack me. This left me with more than enough time to sprint up to him and sever his windpipe. His incoherent yelling quickly morphed into equally as incoherent babbling as blood flowed through the open hole in his throat.
“Get the little bastard already! The six-pointed star must be extinguished!” Shouted another voice.
I looked up to see a small cadre of black-cloaked cultists burst into the room and start running towards me. Most of the soon-to-be corpses were wielding weapons while the others were busy casting spells. I took one last glance behind me towards an unconscious Twilight, and after noting that the fire had gone out, turned back to the cultists.
The things I do for you. I thought to myself.
This wasn't how I began my life in Equestria mind you, that was ten years ago when I went from having my guts cut out of me by a thug with a knife to a dragon smaller than my dog. I would tell you about what happened once I got here, why I hate Celestia and why I was forcefully soul bonded to Twilight but those are stories for another time. Right now I was busy tearing the throat out of some mare that had tried to bash me over the head with a mace roughly the size of me.
Pony blood tastes like a mixture of copper, and cotton candy if you’re curious. It's a weird combo, but also kind of good. I didn't exactly think about that for very long, however, mostly due to how morbid it was, though now it was due to having larger concerns.
An earth pony was attempting to stab me in the face, but like most of her kind, could barely hold a knife. Hooves just weren't made for holding such weapons, so a simple smack to her wrist was enough to knock the dagger away. Stunned, and confused, the pony didn't know what to do, giving me ample time to leap onto her face and bite her ear off.
This was about the point where she started screaming and running around like a chicken with its head cut off. My toe claws were wedged into her neck and cheek, allowing my to scratch away at her face and head with impunity. I had managed to tear the good majority of her face off when she ran into a wall and knocked me off.
Though she was unconscious, and likely bleeding out, her allies were still alive. They were also ready to keep fighting, even if they were growing a bit green under the gills. I was at that point, completely covered in pony blood, viscera, and my teeth were stained a dark crimson color.
“What you doing? Ignore the hellion, kill the girl!” shouted a voice.
I looked to the back of the cultists to where a tall, hooded unicorn stood, their features hidden beneath their dark cowl. Only their pointed black horn could be seen poking out from the shadow that obscured their face. They, like me, were intimidating enough so that the other cultists charged at me with their motley assortment of weapons raised high above their heads.
Before they reached me, I had a chance to look around the dark room I found myself in. Up until that point I had been so singularity focused on protecting Twilight that I hadn't even noticed. It was then that I found we were standing in a rather large kitchen, which made sense given our location.
Which up until about five minutes ago, had been the front part of a popular party location for children. They had slimy pizza, horrific animatronics, rigged games, and the most pathetic ball pit seen outside of dashcon. Though not in the least bit appealing to me, Twilight had been enjoying herself, the filly playing and chatting with the one girl who would speak to her.
I didn't focus on that however, rather I was inspecting the long, narrow kitchen space I was currently standing in. Like most fast food places, it was a single long line, which on one side sported friers and other cooking devices like the much important microwave. On the other were plates, shelves, ingredients, and other semi-important workstations like the pizza area.
This was good, as it meant I didn't have to worry about anyone sneaking around me and getting to Twilight. With this in mind, I charged at the next pony, leaping onto the stainless steel table and then at his face. Screaming wordlessly, I flew through the air, my claws extended, I watched as all the color drained from the stallion’s face.
His knife bounced off my scaley side to no effect, and a moment later I slammed into him, a hand gripping the back of his skull. The moment I had a handle, I jammed my other arm into his eye socket all the way to my elbow. Pony eyeballs are enormous and have numerous pain receptors, enough that an attack like the one I delivered was enough to knock someone out.
Which was exactly what happened, the stallion screaming briefly before landing in a heap of blood and robes. The male behind him was a little faster, and using his magic, he tossed me to the side in a blind panic. I’m fairly certain he wasn't aiming to toss me into the still bubbling frier, but that was where I landed with a dull splash.
I’m sure he was feeling mighty confident about his panic-driven attack, that was until I emerged a moment later. Now angry, but unharmed, as dragons had evolved to bath in lava, I emerged and leaped from the counter. The unicorn stallion that had tossed me a moment earlier managed only a confused scream before an oil-covered dragon whelp landed on his back.
Raking claws that smelled faintly of french fries dug into his back, scooping out chunks of skin and muscle tissue. My tiny baby arms didn't have the strength to get any deeper but I didn't need to outright kill the guy to make him stop. Having something covered with hot oil was enough to make him think twice, and losing a good pound of meat sent him into a panic.
Like most ponies, once panicked, he began sprinting in a random direction. This was, unfortunately, in Twilight's direction, and not wanting the filly to get trampled, I reacted as I usually did, with violence. A slash across the male’s back right knee sent him careening in that direction, his head bouncing off the shiny countertop.
I barely managed to fall off his back before he landed in a pile of grime-encrusted pots.
With my feet under me once more, I was able to hop up just in time to see someone leveling a crossbow at Twilight. All I was able to do was curse before being forced into motion once more. This time I didn't jump at my nearest foe but rather between them and my tiny purple charge.
There was a twang followed by a bloom of pain in my chest as the bolt bounced off my scales. I hit the dirty, blood-covered floor a second later and hopped right back up. I didn't have the time to complain about my newest bruise, as the crossbowman was rapidly reloading.
He didn't get the chance, however, as I threw a hunk of his allies’ face at him, causing the stallion to flinch. As they were backpedaling, and wiping the viscera from their face, I was running at him full tilt. While his remaining allies tried to get around the panic-stricken shooter, I slammed into his front foreleg like a miniature wrecking ball.
Bone snapped, and the leg twisted backward, a scream ripping its way from the stallion’s lips. I knew from experience that such a break was usually enough to send a pony into shock, so I kept on rushing. Like a linebacker nearing the tenth-yard line, I kept my shoulder down until I slammed into my next target.
She was a little bigger and had enough sense to use a pilfered pot as a shield to stop me in place. The cheap mass-produced metal wasn't enough to stop my claws though, and I tore through it, and the hoof holding it a second later. Distraught from the pain, the mare surprised me by not panicking like the others, instead, she brought up a heavy-looking cleaver.
The weapon slammed into my shoulder with enough force to give me another hefty bruise, but it could not break through my scales. This was apparently a surprise to the mare, who just looked at me, then to her cleaver, wondering what had just happened. I used this half-second of bafflement to springboard off the still thrashing pony and onto her neck.
My claws dug into her shoulder and head while my sharp teeth found her soft, exposed throat. Blood gushed into my mouth, making me want to gag and spit out the offending liquid. I resisted, however, and instead, I continued to chomp away at her squishy neck meats while she thrashed.
Her hooves pounded into my back, and legs, to little effect. Sure it hurt, and sure she tried to pry me off, but I was stuck like a fat, hungry leach. It didn't take long for her movements to begin to slow, and soon she fell to the ground.
When this happened, I released my hold on her and readied myself to attack the next one in line. He, however, wasn't interested in fighting a no doubt demonic-looking dragon whelp covered in the guts of his former allies. My dark purple body was stained crimson, and my golden, pointy head fin was likely unrecognizable at this point.
In fact, my appearance was so unnerving to this pony that they were pushing past their yelling leader.
“What are you doing, initiate? Kill that foal and all our dreams shall become a reality!” he shrieked.
“Screw you man! I ain't dying for this!” yelled the other stallion.
The unicorn leader grunted irritably. “You may have won this time, Thorn, but next time you will not be so lucky.”
The pony’s form flickered for a moment before vanishing completely, like a hologram losing its power. With him gone, I could see that the coward had managed to reach the door leading to the rest of the restaurant. His hoof grabbed the handle a second before it slammed into his face, knocking him to the ground with a surprised yelp.
In the doorway stood a royal guard, complete with gaudy golden armor, and trademark superiority complex.
“Halt right there criminal scum, you have violated the law, come silently or I’ll…” his nose crinkled in disgust. “Stars and sun. What the hell happened back here?”
“Oh thank the true princess, the cops! Please arrest me, throw me in prison, just whatever you do. Don't leave me in here with that thing!” screeched the cultist with the broken nose.
At this point, I ignored the ensuing drama and clambered onto the countertop. There I swiftly located a sink half full of soapy, room-temperature water. Which I hopped into and began to bathe myself, using a bit of steel wool like a loofa.
I got the majority of my head done by the time a familiar royal guard approached me, his weapon lowered. He was a tall, beast of an earth pony with deep red fur, a wheat-colored mane, and bright blue eyes. Wearing the usual armor of a royal guard, he would have been an intimidating sight to most, but not to me.
“Hey Steal Shield,” I remarked. “Funny seeing you here. I didn't take you for a giddy game type of guy.”
“I’m not,” he deadpanned. “I do, however, seem to have a habit of running into you whenever you make a mess or commit a war crime.”
I snorted. “We are not at war, thus it is not a war crime.”
“Semantics,” he replied, glancing down at the many bodies. “So what happened this time? Lose at skeeball one too many times?”
“Nightmare Moon cultists tried to kidnap Twilight, but when I caught them they tried to kill her,” I explained, pausing to fill my mouth with water from the tap before spitting it out. “I took offense to this.”
“Extremely so. It's a good thing I’m so desensitized to this. If any of the rookies saw the mess you made-”
He was interrupted by a girly scream coming from the only entrance. There, standing in the doorway was a young male guard who was soon emptying his guts on the tiled floor.
“Sterling Spear! What did I say about keeping the newbies out?” bellowed Steal Shield.
The royal guard I saw earlier appeared in the doorway, standing behind the still-vomiting stallion.
“Oh uh sorry lieutenant, I was just uh…” he trailed off.
“Just get him out of here and close the door. You two can hold each other’s manes outside!” bellowed Steel Shield.
“Y-y-yes, sir!”
The other two stallions disappeared, leaving me alone with Steel Shield. Not like I took note of this, as I was busy cleaning a fur out from under my toenails.
“Celestia, dammit,” murmured the other male. “That fucker better not quit on me.”
“Oh, I see you’ve picked up another bad habit from me. Better not let the old bitch hear you talking like that,” I remarked while clambering out of the water.
Steel Shield ground his teeth together angrily. “I know you two have a history but please stop insulting the princess. It's still a finable offense and I really don't want to have to deal with bringing you in again.”
“I’ll make you a deal,” I began, pausing as I hopped back down onto the floor. “Get Twilight out of here before she wakes up and I’ll stop insulting Celestia while around you.”
The stallion snorted. “Fair enough. She shouldn't have to see this anyway.”
“My thoughts exactly,” I agreed.
The royal guard leaned down, and gently pulled the still unconscious filly onto his back. As he trotted towards the door, I followed alongside him, watching as my charge began to stir. Thankfully her eyes only opened once we had passed by all the corpses.
“W-where are we?” she muttered blearily.
“We're still at Fat Fred’s,” I replied softly. “Do you remember what happened?”
“A man told me he could teach me how to teleport, but only if I promised to stay quiet and…” she sniffed. “It was a trap, wasn't it? I got you in trouble again didn't I?”
“Hey now, it's alright. You're fine, I’m fine, we’re all fine here. Right officer?” I hastily replied.
“Yup. Everyone’s definitely in one piece,” he answered.
“See? It's okay,” I continued, hiding my irritation at Steel’s choice of words.
The filly sniffed. “Do you mean it, Thorn?”
“I do. It's okay Twilight. You just wanted to make Celestia and your parents proud of you,” I stated in a low tone. “But next time you have to ask me first, okay?”
“I will,” she whispered.
“Good, now just relax my little star. We’ll be home again soon,” I murmured, a clawed hand moving a stray hair from her face.
Twilight smiled. “Thanks, Thorn.”
I smiled back. “You’re welcome Twilight.”
I watched Twilight closely, studying her for any sign of injury, though I knew she had not been harmed. The filly was shaking in the back of the carriage but that was more than likely because we were flying through the early evening air and not due to some harm she had come to. Stepping a little closer, I took several short, shallow breaths, heating up my lungs and making me exude warmth like a tiny space heater.
Twilight smiled faintly and snuggled up next to me, placing her cheek against my stomach. It was adorable, and thankfully, effective as she soon stopped shivering. With my charge now warm, and still, I began to gently run my hand down her back, easing what tension remained.
“Mmm thanks,” Twilight purred.
I just grunted in response, turning my attention outward I let my gaze wander across the cityscape barely visible over the lip of the sky chariot. Pulled by two hale and hearty pegasus guards we were soaring over the landscape at a fair clip and a good distance above even the tallest buildings. Despite this, I knew it would be a good few minutes before we were able to make it home, as the city was surprisingly large while at the same time being very compact.
At least the poorer areas were, with large three to four-story apartment blocks packed so close they barely left room for an alley. Though made for the less wealthy, the buildings were still dripping with unique architectural embellishments that I couldn't help but admire. I didn't know what the actual terms for anything were but it reminded me of the gothic or Victorian era styles from back home.
Tall pointed towers were common, their windows overlooking city streets cramped with passersby and the occasional carriage. Angular rooves, beautiful, artistically styled struts, and the occasional hidden gargoyle could all be spotted. Wait, did a gargoyle need to be spitting water to be called that? Whatever, that doesn't matter, what does matter is that it was all beautiful.
Bleak, and a bit on the depressing side, but beautiful nonetheless.
The colors were fairly washed out, but there were occasionally small splashes of vibrancy amidst the sea of grey and black. These locations were usually bakeries, or similar places of business attempting to stick out from the crowd with a bright facade of some kind. It was nice but didn't do much amidst the ocean of tightly packed buildings and sea of brick.
The endless tide of grey was only now being interrupted by specks of light that were beginning to become visible all across the city. Lamps and street lights were being lit either by magic or a pegasus who went from one to the next, sparking them with flint and steel. Slowly, the grim-faced ponies prepared for the coming night, a nervous energy spreading amongst them.
Even the guards pulling our carriage began to pick up steam when they noticed how low the sun had gotten. They were no doubt destined to join their fellows on the walls. Either that or they were simply eager to get home and ensure their residence was locked down. Something many below were doing, pulling shutters over windows, activating wards, locking doors, and generally doing everything they could to block out the encroaching dark.
Those who did not take up the call and do what they could to defend against the night rarely lived to regret it. Though such loss of life was a rare event in the capital of Equestria, I was able to see one example of negligence for myself. While most of the house looked fine, with wards glowing over the exits, and metal barriers over most windows, a single second-story opening had been left undefended.
The glass had been shattered, and claw marks could be seen all over the window frame, deep gouges cutting into the wood. Guards hovered about outside the small home, keeping gawkers out and covering for the team that was moving about the interior. I didn't want to imagine what had befallen those who had been inside, so I looked away, distracting myself by trying to locate home.
I didn't have to look for long, as already the familiar manor house was rising in the distance, its opulent gardens and tall walls standing out even amongst the other mansions I saw on the same street. Almost all of these ancient dwellings of the city’s elite employed private armies of ponies as well as numerous other defences but not the place I called home.
No, the sparkling house was defended by only a handful of guards who watched the lone entrance near the street. The rest of the home was covered with a shimmering purple field that flickered whenever an unfortunate bird slammed into it. I gave the house itself one brief look over, but found nothing out of place, at least from up here anyway.
As we began to slow down I noticed that Twilight was unresponsive. Glancing down I saw that she was asleep, and was snoring faintly. As gently as I could, I prodded her in the side with a claw.
“Hey Little Star,” I whispered. “We’re home.”
“Huh, what? I wasn't asleep,” she muttered blearily, rising on unsteady hooves.
“If you say so, Star,” I replied.
By then we had come to a stop, and with a little prompting, I ushered Twilight off the open back of the carriage.
“G’night fellas,” I exclaimed.
The pair didn't respond, and simply left the moment one of them confirmed Twilight and I were no longer in the sky carriage.
Normally I’d call the move rude, but I understood the haste which so gripped them and thus I made no note of the slight. Instead I just gently guided Twilight over to the tall gate that stood at the entrance of the family manor. Tall stone pillars topped by crystalline orbs radiating an imitation of the sun’s rays sat on either side along with a pair of ponies.
The two mares were tall, covered head to hoof in silver armor, and glared down at us through the grilles of their helmet. While one of them moved to open the wrought iron gate the other remained standing, looking me up and down.
“Found some trouble?” She announced.
“Nothing I can't handle,” I replied.
“Where’s the guard we sent with you?” She pressed.
“I’m afraid he quit,” I answered.
The mare frowned, and for a moment I could see grief flash past her eyes, though it vanished quickly.
“A shame. He seemed like the dependable sort,” remarked the mare.
“Indeed. Good night, Rough, Tumble,” I exclaimed.
“Goodnight,” Twilight offered in a small, weak voice.
“Sleep well, little miss,” Rough declared, nodding her enormous head.
I passed Rough by, and Tumble shortly after, the quiet mare merely giving us a nod before sealing the entrance behind us and taking position behind her sister.
“They are so tall,” Twilight whispered. “I always forget that.”
“Earth ponies can get mighty big,” I remarked.
“Do you think I’ll get that tall?” Twilight inquired.
“Not if you keep hiding your green beans in the rafters, no,” I shot back, giving the filly a smirk.
Twilight winced.
“Darn. I thought I hid them good,” Twilight murmured.
“Twilight, that stuff starts to smell after a while. That and it attracts ants,” I added, leading the way through the winding garden towards the entrance to the family manor. “If you really don't want to eat them, give them to me.”
“No, I’ll eat them. I need to get big and strong,” Twilight proclaimed.
“Atta girl,” I replied, bumping my hip against her side.
Twilight smiled faintly as we walked the rest of the way up to the entrance and stood on the stoop. There we paused, and Twilight extended a hoof to the door, placing it on the aged oak for a moment. The wood glowed a faint blue before shifting to purple and making an audible clack noise, signifying the deadbolt had slid back into place.
The filly pulled open the door with her magic, allowing us entry into the grand foyer and the living room beyond. The entrance was massive, big enough to house a small concert hall or something like it. Like the grand porch we had just passed by, and the extensive gardens filled with foreign plants no expense was spared for this space either.
Statues or busts dedicated to Sparkle family members stretching back millennia flanked either side of the space. Paintings older than some minor civilizations hung from between these venerable stone ponies. An enormous golden chandelier larger than my first car hung from the ceiling, illuminating everything in a perfect recreation of sunlight.
The sight would have been enough to make most people stand there in awe, silently taking in the grand wealth on display. I had seen it a million times, and ignored it all, as did Twilight, who was busy brushing her hooves off at a small bench resting under one of the two large windows overlooking the front lawn. I gave my own feet a quick brush while glancing at the nearby study doors and noting that they were both closed tight.
“We had better get cleaned up before dinner,” I exclaimed.
“Okay,” Twilight muttered.
I was about to usher her towards her distant bedroom and the private bath right next to it when a familiar shape appeared. The family butler was immediately recognizable, with his black coat, grey dress pants, white undershirt, and purple bowtie. A unicorn, he had a short stubby white horn, no mane to speak of, and a big bushy mustache that obscured his mouth completely. His dark blue eyes seemed dull to most, but I could see the inner fire within, those azure orbs drilling into me with the intensity of a military commander of some kind.
“Where have you been?” he exclaimed, his forehead wrinkling as he glared down at me. “Miss Twilight should have been home over an hour ago.”
“It's my fault Mister Penny, I-” Twilight began.
“We ran into a minor issue,” I interrupted, stepping before Twilight. “No one is at fault other than the bad guys. No matter what Twilight may say.”
Twilight seemed annoyed for a second but that irritation faded into appreciation after a moment.
“Ah,” the butler muttered, realization flickering in his eyes. “More trouble with those roughians again?”
I nodded.
“A shame,” he muttered. “Well then. No sense crying over spilled milk. Come along miss Twilight. I will have Serving Silver draw you a bath.”
“Appreciated Polished Penny,” I remarked.
“Think nothing of it Master Thorn,” he replied, before turning to Twilight. “Now come along. Dinner is nearly ready and we will need to move quickly if we hope to eat while it's still warm.”
“Okay,” Twilight murmured.
The filly trotted out front while me and Penny walked behind her at a slightly slower pace.
“How serious was it?” he whispered in a low, knowing tone.
“About a dozen,” I replied just as quietly. “Tried to kidnap Twilight but when that failed…”
“Hmm,” Penny hummed. “We may have to face the fact that young Miss Twilight may have to remain on the manor grounds more often.”
“She's just a kid, man,” I retorted. “She shouldn't have to spend her childhood locked in a tower like some kind of…”
“Princess guarded by a dragon?” Penny shot back.
I chuckled.
“Exactly,” I admitted.
“Still. We will have to come up with something more fitting,” Penny offered.
“Of that, we agree. For now, let's just focus on getting Twilight cleaned up and ready for dinner. The poor thing didn't even get a chance to eat any greasy pizza,” I replied.
“A blessing in disguise in my humble opinion,” Penny declared.
I snorted and remained silent as we headed to Twilight's bedroom, passing by the dining room, and kitchen in the process. Here at the back of the house in the north wing, there were many windows that overlooked the back half of the manor grounds. Tall, nearly two-story glass panes allowed unfettered access to gaze out past the terrace, the porch, and to the pool, pavilions, and other outdoor spaces beyond. Unlike the front half of the home, back here there were trees aplenty, and the gardens were no longer limited to shrubs or large bushes. It looked almost like a forest in miniature, with the servant’s quarters expertly hidden amongst the dense foliage.
It was beautiful, but I didn't let my gaze linger for long before turning my attention back on Twilight. We had reached her room and had acquired a slightly frazzled young maid while I had been distracted. The thing looked flustered just to be near me and pointedly kept Penny between herself and me.
“Serving Silver,” Penny declared. “Would you be so kind as to draw young Miss a bath, and ensure that she is ready to join us for dinner in twenty minutes?”
“Oh um yes. Yes sir,” the mare awkwardly replied.
“Aww come on Penny. I don't need help,” Twilight whined.
“Do I have to remind you about-” I began.
“Augh stop bringing up the gum thing. That only happened once,” Twilight whined again, this time louder.
“Just let Silver help you. You need to move quickly if you want to get to dinner on time,” I encouraged.
“Finne,” Twilight complained.
The maid, with Twilight in tow, entered the private bath, leaving Penny and myself outside.
“So,” I began. “What happened while I was gone?”
The butler hummed thoughtfully for a moment.
“The manor has been quiet this evening,” Penny declared. “The tragedy on sixty-seventh street has left Miss Velvet a bit unnerved, so best avoid her for the moment.”
“When isn't she testy?” I muttered to myself.
Penny remained quiet, though I could tell that he agreed with my assessment, but it wasn't like he was going to say that out loud and risk his job.
“Anything else?” I pressed.
“Nothing else I’m afraid,” Penny offered only to pause and humm thoughtfully to himself. “Now that I am thinking to myself. There was one thing. The other maid in training left.”
“Soft Serve?” I asked.
“Indeed,” Penny declared.
I sighed.
“What I wouldn't give for a pony with a bit of spine,” I muttered.
“Not all of us are so blessed with backbone,” Penny offered.
“Obviously,” I snorted. “Thanks, Penny. See ya round.”
“You’re quite welcome sir,” I exclaimed.
I left the bathroom and Twilight behind for the moment, confident that she wasn't in danger, at least for now anyway. The maid may be twitchy but I doubt she was going to drown a child, Penny made sure to check for cult affiliation before hiring. With that knowledge assuaging my near-constant worry for the moment, I walked over to the closest room and made my way inside.
The handle was difficult to reach given my diminutive stature but I made it work, and once inside I closed the door behind me. I gave the room only the briefest of inspections, noting that it was exactly as how Twilight had left it earlier that afternoon. The filly’s space had predictable decor, that being wall-to-wall book shelves filled with tomes and a fair amount of toys that covered the floor.
It looked more like a library with a bed in it than the room of a ten-year-old, but that was how Twilight liked it. Surrounded on all sides by knowledge, Twilight had a four-poster bed though she rarely actually slept in it. Rather it was the book fort at the back of the room between the shelves that usually served as Twilight's sleeping space.
A part of me wanted to clean up the toys, and books that had been left out, but I ignored them for the moment and made my way to my room. Though calling it a room was a bit generous, as it was just a walk-in closet that I had claimed as my own. Even calling it a closet felt wrong, as it was massive, easily able to contain my bed, what meager possessions I owned, nearly thirty random boxes, and my wall of suspects.
Pictures, names, and news clippings were pinned all across the wall, red string connecting the disparate items. Though a mess to most, I could easily understand what I was looking at even after only a single glance. The most obvious of the names were the four noble houses which I had come to suspect of harboring sympathies for Nightmare Moon.
Nightingale, Moonbeam, Coinpurse, and Bloodblood were the big ones. Other minor players surrounded them in a complex web of intrigue that would have been dizzying to most. Even if I had not spent years building it, I would have immediately zeroed in on the paper bearing the words ‘Shadowy Unicorn’ that sat at the very middle of it all.
I had seen him more than a few times at this point and I was not happy to have seen him again. Always hidden by obscuring clothes, and a voice changer the only thing I knew about him was that he was a unicorn. Even his sex was just a guess due to the gruffness of his tone, though that could easily have been a distraction.
I was starting to grow irritated when I heard the clop of hooves followed by a knock at the door. Judging from the height of the sound it was Shining Armor, so I hung my head out of the closet.
“Come in!” I called.
Sure enough, the colt appeared a moment later, a grin springing to his face.
“I knew you were back! The maids wouldn't be gossiping quite as much if you weren't,” Shining Armor declared.
I groaned.
“Will they ever cut it out? How many times do they need to get reprimanded,” I muttered.
“I doubt it matters. Not many folks wanna work for the cursed family or the crazy demon dragon that lives with them,” Shining Armor chided, prodding me in the shoulder.
“Augh, har har,” I murmured bitterly.
“So,” Shining Armor began again, joining me at the suspect board. “Get any new info about our mystery stallion?”
“Nothing,” I replied. “All he did was stand at the back, bark orders, and monologue whenever given the opportunity.”
“That could be any of the other nobles,” Shining Armor remarked.
“Exactly,” I admitted.
“Hmm, but what about…” Shining Armor trailed off, the colt inspecting the wall of names, pictures, and red string.
I couldn't help but note that he looked a little on the thin side, ribs visible through his white fur.
“Are you eating enough?” I asked.
“Augh not you too. Yes, I’m eating enough,” Shining Armor whined.
“Then why do you look so painfully skinny?” I retorted, jabbing him in the midsection.
“My trainers have just been pushing me hard is all,” Shining Armor replied.
“Then you need to increase your calories,” I stated firmly.
“If I promise to have some dessert will you lay off me?” Shining Armor demanded.
“Yes,” I agreed.
“Fine, then I’ll have some of mom’s cake. No matter how burnt it is,” Shining Armor declared.
“Don't tell me that mare decided to try cooking again,” I groaned.
“Not just cook, but bake too,” Shining Armor answered. “She read something about how cooking for one’s family is a great way to bond and now she has declared she’s going to make all our meals.”
“I give it a week,” I muttered.
“I think you’re being generous,” Shining Armor replied, before turning back to the board. “So, where do the griffons fit into all this?”
“Griffons?” I inquired, raising an eyebrow.
“Well yeah, a new griffon ambassador is coming to Canterlot soon supposedly to settle the border disputes but Lucky Lance says the guy they are sending is a former spy and that he is just here to cause trouble,” Shining Armor answered.
“Hopefully they won't be included at all,” I declared.
“Whysat?” Shining Armor pressed.
“Because this board is only for whomever is targeting Twilight. The issues of Equestria are a distant secondary problem,” I remarked.
“I guess that makes sense. You are only one baby dragon,” Shining Armor declared.
“What did I say about calling me a baby?” I growled, leveling a glare at him.
“Err right, sorry about that sir,” Shining Armor muttered.
“Good,” I muttered. “Now go get to dinner and don't forget to load on those calories, you’ll need them to build muscle.”
“Sir yes sir!” Shining Armor exclaimed.
The colt then snapped off a salute before trotting away, leaving me alone to think.
“Can't believe I have to order him to eat cake,” I whispered to myself. “What kind of kid doesn't like cake?”
Shaking off that thought, I decided to head back and see if Twilight was ready for dinner. My feeling was correct, as Twilight was standing in the hall, a hairbrush stuck in her mane.
“Come on you stupid thing,” she muttered bitterly.
“Need a hand?” I offered.
“No, I can do it,” Twilight declared.
She tugged at the thing a few more times before collapsing into a heap.
Without a word, I reached down and gently undid the brush before fixing her mane as best as I was able to. Far from being a fashion expert the only style I was capable of was straight as a board, which suited Twilight just fine.
“There,” I proclaimed. “All fixed.”
“Thank you, Thorn,” Twilight exclaimed tiredly.
“Come on, let's go get some food,” I offered.
The filly nodded, and together we made our way back towards the center of the home to where the dining room lay. Passing through the kitchen first, I noticed that there was a small mountain of cookware piled into the various sinks. An exhausted maid was already scrubbing away at the burnt-on mass of what was once food, no doubt having mentally settled into a long night of that same motion.
“Smells like rice… almost,” I murmured.
Making our way into the dining room I found that it was now occupied by the rest of Twilight's family. Sitting around a table long enough to seat nearly thirty people, they were clustered near one side with Night Light at the very end.
The stallion was, as always, nose-deep in his newspaper, though that at least gave me the chance to read the headlines. Sure enough, there were a few mentions of the coming griffon ambassador as well as the breach that occurred on seventy whatever street. Details were sparse on both accounts, but I was able to notice that the reporter mentioned an influx of foreign mercenaries to the city though he couldn't say why they had come.
“We can eat now, right? Twilight's here,” Shining Armor declared, gesturing to her sister.
Who I was currently helping up into one of the chairs.
“Yes, you can eat now but try to take it slow. I don't want you to choke again,” Twilight Velvet remarked, the older mare sparing her son a concerned glance.
“Augh, I know how to eat food, Mom. I’m almost sixteen,” Shining Armor whined.
“Listen to your mother, son,” Night Light exclaimed from behind his newspaper.
“Whatever,” Shining Armor muttered.
“Can you pass the… whatever that is?” Twilight asked, gesturing to the grey mass heaped atop a plate near the center of the table.
“In a second dear. First, what are you doing here?” Twilight Velvet demanded suddenly, turning her baleful gaze upon me.
“Uh hoping to get some grub,” I answered, dumbfounded.
“Your dinner is in the kitchen. You may eat it there or with the rest of the help,” Twilight Velvet exclaimed.
“Aww come on Mom, let him eat with us,” Shining Armor complained.
“Listen to your mother son,” Night Light added, the stallion pausing to turn the page before continuing to read.
“But that's not fair,” Shining Armor retorted.
“Yeah, Thorn took me out to Fat Fred’s. Let him stay,” Twilight added.
“He is a member of the staff and not this family. He will eat with the others of his kind and that is final,” Twilight Velvet declared.
“Listen to your mother, children,” Night Light remarked.
“But-” Twilight began.
“It's fine Twilight. Make sure to eat everything now,” I offered, matching Velvet’s glare with one of my own. “No matter how gross and burnt it may be.”
I then hopped off the chair and walked away before the sputtering and indignant mare I had just offended could even muster a response. Twilight's despondent gaze tugged at my heartstrings, but I ignored it and kept on walking. Once in the kitchen I pulled over a chair and hopped up to see if there was indeed some food waiting for me.
“Augh that mare is such a bitch,” I muttered to myself.
“Language,” hissed the pot-scrubbing maid.
“But do you deny it?” I shot back.
The mare turned away, ignoring my presence and pretending as though she had not just been asked a question.
I took her silent assent in stride and grabbed the dog bowl full of crushed gems and uncooked meat with me. Though irritated, there was at least something I could digest on the menu so I made my way over to the porch. Once outside, I wandered over to the gazebo and plunked my bowl down on the handrail.
I plucked one of the pieces of meat and with it pinched between my claws, began to cook it. My fire breath normally was not so pinpoint that this was possible but after a bit of focus I was able to narrow it down. The small blue flame was hot enough to make the meat sizzle but it did nothing to my claws save for warming them up ever so slightly.
As my food cooked I glanced up to the sky, watching as night overcame day, and the last dregs of natural light fell beyond the horizon. I tossed back the first hunk of meat, and began to chew, noting that it was still slightly underdone at the middle. I didn't mind though, and continued to cook and eat while keeping my head turned skyward.
The moon didn't appear upon the horizon and begin its assent like its flaming sister, rather it simply apparated directly overhead. One moment it wasn't there, the next a cloud passed, and it was just there, as if it had been there the entire time and we simply hadn't noticed it. The sight of the pale orb would usually be enough to disturb most but I had prepared myself for it and knew what was coming.
The grey sphere dominated the sky, filling almost all of it and leaving very little room for the dim stars visible only on the edge of the horizon. Not only was it massive, and seemed ready to fall at any moment, but it also bore the horrid visage of a screaming equine skull. Made purely out of craters and shadow, the skull glared balefully down upon Equestria, judging everyone under its gaze.
“Here's to you, Nightmare Moon. You bitch,” I exclaimed, tossing back the next hunk of meat.
As if incensed by my comment, a horde of winged creatures launched themselves from the surface of the moon. Little more than dots at this point, they were tiny but growing in size with each passing second. Numerous beyond even counting they spread out far and wide in a disorganized mass, nearly blotting out the light of the moon.
In the distance, I could hear a bell sounding, and judging by the frequency and pitch, I could tell it was the final warning bell. Those who remained outside had but mere minutes to get inside, and to safety before they were beset upon by the night horde. A part of me pitied those who lived outside of the high walls and magical barriers like the kind the Sparkle family could afford.
I stifled that feeling, reminding myself that I was not here to fix all the world's problems. The only thing I was meant to do, the only thing I really could do, was look after Twilight. She was the one with the great destiny. I was just the guard dog meant to keep her alive until she could do what she was meant to.
I brushed aside such grim thoughts and focused on my dinner, cooking each peice in turn before tossing it back. Once done, I moved on to the gems, using a small blast of fire to burn away any germs that may have traveled from the raw meat that had been stored alongside it. About halfway through this process, I noticed that the night furies had descended, and the light of the moon had started to dull. In time, the night would grow dark, though even at its gloomiest, I knew the skull would remain visible, its hateful eyes visible from anywhere in Equestria.
With a shudder, I hurried my pace, cleaning off the remainder of the gems before heading back inside. By the time I neared the house, the horde had fully descended, as the sounds of distant fighting could be heard. I was about to put the ensuing struggle literally and figuratively behind me when an audible thump stopped me dead in my tracks.
Looking up, I saw the massive shape of a night fury standing atop the barrier, its long, gangly arms spread wide. Claws longer than me extended from its winged arms, while fang-like teeth that easily put mine to shame glinted in the light. Its huge limbs flexed and with a thunderous crack, it punched the barrier, causing a ripple of purple light to shimmer across its surface.
For a moment I wondered if it would hold, but when it did, I breathed a small sigh of relief. The magical wall showed no signs of damage, even after the night fury began to slam its fists into it repeatedly. It then slashed with its claws several times before finally giving up and taking wing, vanishing into the night after only a few short flaps.
“Thank the stars I only have to deal with cultists,” I muttered to myself.
Heading back inside I made a short detour to the kitchen to drop off my bowl. I helpfully deposited atop the mountain already present in the sink and left before the maid could give me a hard time. Slipping away, I made my way back to my bedroom slash closet, stopping once to wash my hands and face.
I was about to continue on my merry way when I realized I hadn't taken a bath other than the one I took earlier in that sink. With that thought firmly in mind, I took a very hot very long, shower. Without any distractions, my mind began to wander and I couldn't help but think back on the ponies whose lives I had ended.
It was easy to imagine it all as necessary and dismiss it all just like that, but here, alone with just my thoughts it was not so simple. The looks of pain, confusion, and regret visible on their faces when they met their end were difficult to bear. For several long minutes, I just stood there, loofah in hand, my mind empty only for their expressions.
“Come on man. Keep your head on straight,” I muttered to myself.
I pushed on, reminding myself that they were would be child killers, and even if they regretted things in the end it didn't change what they were. That feeling of righteous indignation and justice helped to wash away regret though it still left a bitter taste in my mouth. I busied myself with cleaning my scales and finishing up my shower as quickly as possible.
Once done, I dried off and finally arrived at my closet.
There I distracted myself with a book, grabbed from a shelf mostly at random. I would come to curse my desire for escapism and the haste in which I fulfilled that need as the book was a harlequin. Named after the author which was, quite fittingly, a one Harley Quin.
I wondered briefly if there was a joker in this reality before opening the first page. I knew it was a romance novel but now that my brain had concocted an image of a ponified Harley Quinn writing romance novels I couldn't shake it. Curiosity was my greatest weakness and now was no different so I dove right in.
By the time I was aware of how long I had sat there reading, the door to Twilight's room had opened and I had cleared a good third of the book. I briefly considered ignoring whoever was there but resisted that urge, and put my bookmark where I had left off. Tucking the slim paperback tome under my pillow I pushed open the closet door and entered Twilight's room.
“Hey Thorn,” Twilight muttered before falling face-first into the pile of blankets that lay at the heart of her book fort.
A groan spilled out of the impromptu fortification, alerting me that something had likely occurred after I had left the dinner table.
“Soo…” I began, walking over. “How was dinner?”
“Fine. But then mom started lecturing me about me leaving the house earlier today,” Twilight retorted. “Then she started saying mean things about you and dad just kept saying-”
“Listen to your mother,” we both exclaimed.
“Yeah, and she totally ignored what me and Shining Armor had to say!” Twilight exclaimed, peeking her head out of the entrance to her tiny castle of knowledge. “Mom just kept saying about how she would talk to Celestia and see about getting you assigned to someone else!”
“That won't happen. Don't worry,” I hastily added.
“But she said-”
“It doesn't matter what she said,” I interrupted. “I would never leave you Twilight. Trust me.”
“I do,” Twilight murmured.
I looked down at the teary-eyed young filly and frowned.
“Say, how about a story?” I offered.
“Really? One I haven't heard before?” Twilight asked.
“Yup, but you have to sleep in your actual bed this time,” I declared, arms crossed over my chest.
“Aww come on I hate sleeping on that thing. It's huge!” Twilight exclaimed, throwing her forehooves out wide.
“I know but you can't keep sleeping on that blanket, you're gonna mess your back up or something,” I retorted.
“Augh, fine,” Twilight whined.
I watched as the filly climbed out of her fort, walked over to the bed, and clambered up onto it. I followed after a moment, being careful not to accidentally make any new holes in the sheets with my claws.
“There,” I declared once Twilight was nestled under the covers. “Now, I warn you I’m not the greatest storyteller ever.”
“Like that story about the egg man?” Twilight asked.
“Yes, Humpty Dumpty doesn't usually have a thirty-minute rant about the uselessness of the state in the middle of its telling but I’ll try not to bring that up this time,” I muttered.
“Kay,” Twilight proclaimed.
“Right, anyway,” I began.
I paused long enough to get comfortable and sat cross-legged facing Twilight. The filly meanwhile was about as snug as a bug in a rug, the heavy comforter pulled all the way up to her chin.
“So, there once was a prince, or… knight. Yeah, Knight,” I declared. “And he was really good at his job, which was protecting people.”
“I love stories about knights,” Twilight whispered. “Does this story have a dragon in it?”
“If you were more patient you’d know by now,” I retorted.
“Sorry,” Twilight muttered.
“That's fine Twilight now where was I? Oh right,” I continued, pausing to clear my throat. “The knight was very good at his job protecting people. For years he defended whoever paid him, keeping them and their family safe from bad guys.”
I smiled faintly, my mind going back to the now-distant past.
“He enjoyed it but as he got older he realized he couldn't do the job forever. He wanted a kid of his own, someone important he could protect. Thankfully he found someone who shared that desire and together they were about to make that dream a reality,” I exclaimed, my voice wavering briefly before returning to its usual, confident tone. “The knight was ready to put aside his job and give up protecting people in return for taking a less dangerous job. Unfortunately on the last day of his job right before he was about to go home for the day, someone snuck up on him and hurt him real bad.”
“Did he die?” Twilight whispered.
I nodded slowly.
“He did, and when he died, his soul began to wander, his unfinished business keeping him tethered to his world. This tether was broken when he heard a cry for help and without thinking, he went to it, hoping to do one last good deed before passing on,” I pressed, extending my hand up to the sky that lay beyond the wooden barrier above my head. “But it was a misunderstanding, and when he answered the call, he stopped a very important magical spell. In her anger, the creature which had cast the spell, the evil…”
“Dragon?” Offered Twilight.
“Yes, the evil dragon queen locked the knight in a deep dark hole, punishing him for ruining her magic thingy,” I declared. “And he was stuck down there for years until at long last the evil queen had a use for him. Using her magic she made him into a slave and told him to protect someone once more. I-er he was angry at first but in time he came to accept his place as at least the creature he was protecting was worthy of that protection.”
I paused for a moment, trying to think of some words of wisdom to end on or something close anyway. Only to come up empty-handed.
“The end,” I declared.
“That wasn't a very good story,” Twilight murmured, tears in her eyes. “Now I feel bad for the knight.”
“It's just a story. It didn't actually happen,” I assured her.
“But you made it sound like you were the knight,” Twilight pointed out.
“Pfft I’m not a knight. I’m a dragon, silly. Dragons can't be knights,” I replied.
“Yeah but-”
“Buts are for sitting,” I interrupted, rising from the bed. “Now, get some sleep. You’ve had a long day.”
“I’m not tired though! I can stay up-” Twilight paused to yawn so wide it looked like her jaw may dislocate in the process. “Okay, maybe I am tired.”
“Goodnight Twilight,” I exclaimed.
I then hopped off the bed and made my way over to the light switch which was thankfully placed at filly height, allowing me to turn it off without dragging over a chair.
“Good night Thorn,” Twilight exclaimed, her small voice barely making it across the room. “I love you.”
I paused at the entrance to the closet.
“I love you too Twilight,” I murmured back.
Closing the door behind me, I sunk into my small bed of cushions and pulled out the book I had hidden away earlier. Though tired, I knew it would be some time before my mind finally stilled to the point that I was able to sleep. Until then, I would enjoy a guilty pleasure and ignore the muddled memories and faceless people that popped into my mind.
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